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 did the wind sweep you off your feet

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MasterGhandalf



Join date : 2010-05-20

PostSubject: did the wind sweep you off your feet   Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:01 pm

Considering that it was the sequel to a wildly popular show with an active (and at times, rather scary) fandom, it came as a surprise to no one that The Legend of Korra would quickly produce an impressive volume of fanfiction- much of it varying shades of bad. Like its parent show, it also quickly produced an impressive volume of shipping, much of it varying shades of weird. Like this fic, starring Jinora and Skoochy, two characters who never meet on-screen or have anything in common beyond being roughly the same age. While far from the worst Korra-fandom has to offer, it’s quite poorly written and fairly impressively wallbanger-y in the later chapters, so for getting my feet wet in sporking this fandom, I decided to give it a go. Without further ado:

did the wind sweep you off your feet by moon1010

Yes, the original title had absolutely no capitalization. Link here: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Ok this is my first story so pretty please be nice

You know, I’d be more inclined to be nice if I thought you’d put any effort into this thing at all…

She stared at the water the moon light reflected her pale face.

Behold, the amazing reflective powers of moonlight!

The crash of the splashing water drained out her thoughts of what she had just seen.

Umm, Jinora? If your thoughts are draining out, you might want to get that looked at…

She pulled her legs up to her chest and sighed, trying to convince herself her eyes were telling lies.

Unfortunately, she knew her eyes were quite forthright and honest organs.

Her shadow looked distorted as the water rippled past it. Just like her distorted life. She smiled at how funny that sounded.

Last I checked, Jinora wasn’t this wangsty, and generally came off as quite content with her life (except for that whole business with the Equalists). Of course this is several years later, but it’s not like the author will bothering establishing that for a while or anything.

An extra silhouette approached her Jinora tensed up as it got closer. The body sat next to her letting out a heavy sigh.

The body? What, is Republic City undergoing a zombie apocalypse or something?

Jinora turned expecting to see him trying to explain what happened and telling her he was sorry.

Him who? Her father? Mako? Amon? Pabu? Later on, it’ll be blatantly obvious the author just didn’t bother naming the person she’s talking about until he actually shows up. Nice.

Yet to her surprise when she twisted herself a boy was sitting next to her not her good for nothing boyfriend.

So, reading that sentence literally, it looks like her boyfriend… isn’t a boy. *brain breaks*

"AHHA!" she let out a shriek, jumping into the dull navy blue sky.

AHHA isn’t really a “shriek” kind of sound-effect, you know. And if the sky is dull, then Republic City must be having a real pollution problem.

The thin boy as well jumped up but not as far as she did. "Sorry sorry" he said rising his hands in front of him for defense. "I didn't mean to scare you"

"You, you, you didn't" she said sassily landing gracefully back on the damp earth.

That’s not sass, that’s a stutter. Clearly, Jinora’s been letting her diction slip since Book I ended.

A smirk grew on his face "then why did you scream and jumps 10 feet in the air?" he asked moving his shaggy brown hair with one pale hand.

… And, apparently Skoochy talks with his hair. The boy’s not a zombie, he’s a Lovecraftian horror! Run, Jinora, before your sanity’s gone for good!

Wait, she’s already in a badfic. Never mind.

He stepped out into the moons glassy light. The boy stood straight and wore dirty boots his pants were torn but looked soft they were a coffee brown and the tan patch at his knee matching his jacket. Witch had a high collar with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, and a creamy colored hat rest on his head completing his outfit.

He’s also apparently wearing a collar made out of a witch. Yep, definitely a Lovecraftian horror. Or a badfic character. Same difference, really.

"I was not scared and I really have to go now, goodbye" she said walking closer to the edge watching the water thump up on the rocks.

WHERE ARE WE? We’re clearly not on Air Temple Island or the Republic City docks, so they’re probably outside of the city entirely. What are both Jinora and Skoochy randomly doing wandering around out here?

"Wait where are you going?" he asked the boys curiosity annoyed and was bugging Jinora "town is that way" he pointed a skinny finger to the lit up republic city.

I still don’t know where we are, and I’m not even going to try to make heads or tails of that sentence.

She rolled her eyes and swayed closer to the water. "Hey girl what the heck are you doing!" he hissed.

Looks like Jinora’s drunk, and Skoochy’s part snake. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

"My name" Jinora started as she egged closer "is not 'girl'" and with that Jinora dove to the swishing water.

‘Egged’ closer? Do I even *want* to know?

"HEY!" the boy screamed bolting forwarded.

‘Bolting forwarded’ seems an odd thing to scream under the circumstances, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.

As Jinora sailed through the air she remembered what Korra had told her.

"Hold your breath" she said walking around Jinora "no you're not taking enough" she said shoving a finger in Jinora's stomach "take it all in and imagine your breathing"

I don’t see how *imagining* is going to help much in this situation…

Jinora took an enormous breath of air.

"Good now a little more practice and you'll be swimming like a fish!" she exclaimed excitedly pleased with her young pupil achievement.

There’s more to swimming than holding your breath, you know, a fact a waterbender and Water Tribesperson like Korra should be well aware of!

She smiled and with her hands and body she span around in the air making a torpedo plunging into the water.

Jinora soared through the water as if she was in the air-her own element. She felt so free swimming in the water towards the island.

Jinora surfaced to see the dock and the docked fairy. It had only taken her two air torpedo and three breaths of air she smiled satisfied with her work.

Why is there a fairy of all things in the Avatarverse, and why would one be docked? Ahh, the absurd mental images a few well-placed misspellings can bring.

Climbing up on the dry dock she balled her hands into fists, closed her eyes, and then she pushed her fists together creating a ball of wind around her, drying Jinora in an instant.

She didn't dare make a peep as she hopped through the trees. She picked through one of the branches: No lights where on. Jinora's face brightened immediately.

She placed a flat hand in the air crating a slight wind to push away the leaves under her. She quickly jumped down making no noise. Jinora zipped hurriedly through the front door leading to the girl's dormitory.

The one girl’s dormitory, apparently.

Tiptoeing around the corner, what she would kill to be a firer bender to see where she was going. Closing her eyes she tried to remember the hallways where the tables where and witch doors led to witch room.

More random witches! Man, this version of Republic City must be crawling with them!

CREECK

Jinora froze dead in her tracks all the color in her face drained and she was left feeling like she was going to hurl. The not in her stomach forced her heart to jump to her thought as she listened to the creaking sound of the footsteps on the wooded floor. She held her breath when she was illuminated by light.

That’s a rather extreme reaction, I’d say. And what else would you expect to be illuminated by?

"Jinora?" a voice whispered. She winced at her name.

She wished she was called something like Aurelia Serenity Starbreeze Moonbeam, like all the other ‘Sues.

Great she thought.

Jinora crooked around making a screech from the floor under her.

So Jinora’s a criminal and the floor’s alive. Got it!

"Well hello miss. Midnight what are you doing up?"

Midnight’s curfew was hours ago!

it was Korra who was staring at her from across the hallway smiling a devious smile with one had on her curved hip and the other keeping a flame light, resting above her palm.

You’d think Jinora would have recognized Korra’s voice. It’s not like they live together or anything.

Jinora's head shrunk into her high fair yellow collar and forced a fake smile "umm well I was looking for a…" her eyes searched the hallway for an excuse "I wanted to look for a book" she said her hand rubbing the back of her neck.

I’d have thought Jinora’d be clever enough to come up with a better lie. Surely her books would be in her room? I think the author just wanted to clumsily remind us that she’s a bookworm.

Korra let out a giggle her laugh piercing through the empty hallway.

I wouldn’t really think of a giggle as *piercing*, and last I looked hallway-shattering laughs were *not* part of the Avatar’s repertoire of powers.

"shhhh" Jinora hissed out in a whisper "I'll just get a book tomorrow" and with that she tugged herself to her room closing the door rapidly.

She tugged… herself. Jinora 1, Laws of Physics 0.

She lay down on her bed not bothering to cover herself with the sheets. Her thoughts stumbled over her feelings and she tried to clear her head. To no avail Jinora closed her eyes and bit by bit fell asleep her mind blank as she drifted into a dreamless sleep.

When you’re in a dreamless sleep, we can generally infer that your mind is blank, yes. We still have no idea why Jinora’s so upset or what on Earth is going on, even though this is the end of the first chapter.

Kk so tell me what you think :3

You want honesty? Your spelling and grammar are atrocious and if I hadn’t read ahead I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea what was going on here, but I’ve seen far worse fics. Of course, having read ahead, I know that getting the whole story here is not going to improve matters any. Just wait until we meet Jinora’s ridiculously over-the-top evil boyfriend…

That’s all for now. More later this week, hopefully!
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SouthSimGal
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Join date : 2012-05-05

PostSubject: Re: did the wind sweep you off your feet   Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:28 pm

The boy was Skoochy? Weird...

Okay, I looked it up, and apparently Jinoochy is a rather popular pairing. It has 59 fanfics, and lots of fanart. Check it out:

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[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

It's kinda cute, I guess. Lousy fic, though.
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