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 The Tail of PRince Martin Willis

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GeorgeUK
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PostSubject: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:21 pm

When I finished "me at the Royal Wedding" yesterday, I expressed my opinion that it was the worst fanfic on fimfiction. However, a bit of digging around in fimfiction's Train Wreck Explorers page has given us...

The Tail (Get it ;P) of pRince Martin Willis by apple_short.

On the plus side...actually, there is no plus side. It's total score (upvotes minus downvotes) is...-231. Presenting...

Quote :
The Tail (Get It ;P) Of pRince Martin Willis

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Sypnosis:
Quote :
i date twilight when i fall through a portle into the pony world

Oh goody, it's one of those fics.


Quote :
Martin Willis fell from earth into ponyvile by acidentlee walking into a portle meant only for ponees

Bloody clumsy if you ask me. And why were there no warning signs to stop idiots like him blindly walking through it?


Quote :
He accidentlee waled in it

Why did he think he was going to find whales there?


Quote :
Hey twilight. He yelled happily at the sexy purple mare who walked by him.

Does he yell like Fluttershy?

And then Twilight took off her mask. She was Ron Rap...actually, that probably only works with a female protagonist.


Quote :
I didn’t see you whats your name she imersoned him

imersoned? What? You mean impersonated?


Quote :
my name is martin willis i am orange with blue stripes and my cutie mark is the gun from PORTAL.

"Dear Princess Celestia, it's happened again. Twilight"


Quote :
That is awesome she asked neatly would you like to go hang at my house with my owl?

"I also have a dragon, but who cares about him?"


Quote :
I nodded excrushiatinly

I see that despite being the My Immortal of MLP, it also borrows Becoming Female's creative use of adverbs.


Quote :
I rubbed her belly casue she let me do that now

And she's known you for about four seconds.

Well, let's see what Twilight thinks so far...

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Oh Celestia, it's happened again...


Quote :
I laughed and kissed her cheek its ok twilight I love you and would never do anything bad like other humans maybe.

And then Martin Willis took off his mask. He was Ron Raper!


Quote :
So I brought down my knees

Seems that this is so bad even the self-insert has kneecapped himself.


Quote :
pushing my hand to her place parts

Place parts? Are those similar to pleasure holes?


Quote :
She was pissed secretly still att my swearing and she exploded.

...and then exploded again.

THE END.

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Quote :
What the fuck do you mean what the fuck martin.




Quote :
and then I put my horse weenie in hers and we made love and she forgave me.

And this is what makes it the My Immortal of MLP. Hell, even My Immortal had punctuation!


So Spike arrives, and is greeted by the usual sight of what happens when a human arrives in Equestria.

Quote :
you go fucking die and slit your wrists or hang yourself like a bitch

Just take a moment to imagine Spike actually saying this.


Quote :
This is my first story so please be nice

Where's Flutterbitch when you need her?


Quote :
I am only 15

Then why are you writing sex scenes?

Come to think of it, it's the likes of the author that make me wish there was a grade lower than F.


Quote :
I now there shouldnt be any bad spelling or stuff

The spelling isn't bad.

It's atrocious. Almost every single word is spelt incorrectly.

This has got to be a trollfic.


Quote :
Next chapter will be rarity and me and spike.

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Considering as it will, without a doubt, be just as boring as this one. It needs more Sexist!Ron if you ask me.

Or, for those who don't want to read on...

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SirDixonDongs
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:30 pm

obligatory "lol bronies" psot
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EileenK98
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:50 pm

Head meets desk. Bang, bang, bang.

Honestly, why bother writing at all if this is what you produce? Trollfic or not, it just smacks of a lack of effort on the author's part. Not like in the old days, when we had quality trolls!
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bleachedblackcat
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Wed Oct 24, 2012 7:04 pm

Yeah! Back in my day we had trolls that put some work into their shit! Now they just hit the keyboard a couple times and post it.
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Wed Oct 24, 2012 10:35 pm

Quote :
and then I put my horse weenie in hers

He put his horse weenie into her horse weenie? The last time I watched MLP was in the 80's, and I don't remember the girl horses having weenies. Maybe I wasn't paying enough attention. Or, they've been added for the new generation of MLP watchers.
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Chris91
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Thu Oct 25, 2012 10:54 am

GeorgeUK wrote:
Presenting...


The Tail (Get it ;P) of pRince Martin Willis by apple_short.

OMGWHATTHEHELLISTHISIDON'TEVENWTF.... Shocked pale

That loud crack you just heard was my brain breaking.
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GeorgeUK
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Thu Oct 25, 2012 1:16 pm

hottienanako20 wrote:
Quote :
and then I put my horse weenie in hers

He put his horse weenie into her horse weenie? The last time I watched MLP was in the 80's, and I don't remember the girl horses having weenies. Maybe I wasn't paying enough attention. Or, they've been added for the new generation of MLP watchers.

Nope, no horse weenies on MLP:FIM. I've watched all the episodes, and I don't remember the girls having horse weenies.

It reminds me of My Immortal when Draco's puts his boy's thingie in Enoby's boys thingie.

Meanwhile, as the fic's rating drops to -233, let's get through Chapter 2.

Quote :
raritys house was pink frilled like a tutu dress.

Has the author even watched the show?


Quote :
spike greeted me by her fron door which was made of oak and other things that would attract her cat to be happy there.

I didn't know fish and catnip were building materials.


Quote :
I am prince willis I stated proudly and nodded that spike and I should be let into her place.

Like that's going to work...


Quote :
she lowered herself against my side and I stroked her belly

Wait, where's Spike in all this?


Quote :
spike who was feeling out of the loop pouted and smacked me. fuck man you said you would help me not hog her yourself.

Sorry Spike, he lied.


Quote :
i shaked my plot and she eyed the gun with love and envy and amazing.

"It also seems to have a creative use of nouns as well" said GeorgeUK with exasperation and annoyance and cucumbers.


Quote :
She licked my butt and I squeeled happily but spike saw and breathed fire on me burning my butt

This fic's Spike is starting to grow on me.

Long story short, they have their way with Rarity, who doesn't have a horse's weenie.


Quote :
we have gotten with two of the mane six we must do the rest or it will be unfair.

Who does he think he is, Pat Mustard?


Quote :
We will go see fluttershy he said she loves me second best to rarity.

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Also, a capital letter! A rare occurrance indeed in this fic!


Quote :
I would be pony forever or longer.

Forever?

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Oh, the joy.


Quote :
just when i closed my eye there was angel bunny. she looked mad and stamped.

I'm pretty sure Angel's male.


Quote :
she used bunny sign languege

How would our "hero" know bunny sign language?


Quote :
next chapter we will visit fluttershy and angel bunny will be mean probably unless applejack stops by with fruit.

Thanks for spoiling it.

So that's two chapters down, five to go.

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Rarity tells it like it is.
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Disco Stu
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Mon Oct 29, 2012 3:09 pm

What are these stupid horse drawings all over the place, bro? Y got my shit all canoodled
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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Mon Oct 29, 2012 3:27 pm

Disco Stu wrote:
What are these stupid horse drawings all over the place, bro? Y got my shit all canoodled

Hahaha I missed you <3
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GeorgeUK
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Sat Nov 03, 2012 7:58 pm

With the fic's score down to -237, let's charge through Chapter 3.

Quote :
the next day spike and i ran acros to the library to visit with twilight and to let her know that we will be heading to fluttershy wood castle.

I always thought Fluttershy had a cottage.


Quote :
spike we must hurry i have a bad feeling in my gut

Must have been those cupcakes Pinkie gave you.


Quote :
I walked in side beside spike who was eager and i grabbed at her long mane not meanly and pulled her to me.

And he was supsequently attacked by 10,000 furious bronies, many of them wielding pitchforks, clubs, and boards with nails in them. The following scene has been censored due to violence.


Quote :
my goal was to be the prince of sleeping with the mane six

So...he's Bill Clinton?


Quote :
fucking stupid motherfucking bunny! it was fluttershy

Just take a moment to imagine Fluttershy saying this.


Quote :
i looked to spike for instruction but he shrugged filled with sacredness.

Bishop Spike Brennan, everybody.


Quote :
she had cornered angel with a knife

You could say this is payback for his actions in Putting your hoof down, but I just think the writer was on drugs.


Quote :
it was time to start seducing her.

"Hey Fluttershy wanna..."

*CHOP*

"Um...I'm sorry Prince...but it looks like you won't be having any more sex..."


Quote :
ok um i will not kill him um but only because you asked prince martin.

God, even Pinkie Pie in Cupcakes was in-character compared to this.


Quote :
i gently touched her boobs

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If there is a grade lower than F, it's what the author got in Biology.

The next day, Applejack turns up, but as he's about to have his way with her...


Quote :
this is a letter from celest and she needs them at once

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Next time on pRince Martin Willis, we wade through more bad spelling.
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Disco Stu
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Mon Nov 05, 2012 9:37 pm

GeorgeUK, explain to me in due time and proper manner what the fuck this even is.
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GeorgeUK
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Tue Nov 06, 2012 6:12 pm

It's a fanfic that's worse than My Immortal.
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SirDixonDongs
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Tue Nov 06, 2012 6:21 pm

GeorgeUK wrote:
It's a fanfic that's worse than My Immortal.

dude all mlp fanfic is worse than my immortal
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Sat Nov 17, 2012 12:09 pm

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Quote :
and then I put my horse weenie in hers and we made love and she forgave me.

Then Princess Celestia teleported in and bellowed "WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?"

Quote :
Must have been those cupcakes Pinkie gave you.

Oh, you just had to go there, didn't you?

Quote :
"Hey Fluttershy wanna..."

*CHOP*

"Um...I'm sorry Prince...but it looks like you won't be having any more sex..."

Not even that is IC.

"Hey, Fluttershy, wanna..."

*CHOP*

"AAAAAHHHHHH! Oh no! Angel, what have you done! How could you do such an awful thing? Oh, I'm so terribly sorry, Angel doesn't normally behave so violently..."

"ARGH MY STALLIONHOOD"

Angel: Stay the fuck away from mai waifu or you'll lose more than your tool, fool.
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SirDixonDongs
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Sat Nov 17, 2012 12:11 pm

surprise

foalfucker in a horseporn thread

my astonishment knows no bounds
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Chris91
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Sat Nov 17, 2012 4:03 pm

SirDixonDongs wrote:
GeorgeUK wrote:
It's a fanfic that's worse than My Immortal.

dude all mlp fanfic is worse than my immortal

Which is saying a lot, considering what a train wreck My Immortal was.
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:46 am

You can't deny the kickass memes it gave birth to, though.
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Disco Stu
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Mon Nov 19, 2012 12:42 am

xerrofoot wrote:
You can't deny the kickass memes it gave birth to, though.





Meh, I prefer Scumbag Waitress.
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SirDixonDongs
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:15 am

i prefer agony in pink
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GeorgeUK
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:33 pm

As this trainwreck's score drops to -244, let's get through chapter 4. Got an extremely potent liquer? Good, you'll need it.

Quote :
when we came back to the library spike was super angry pissed.

He was promply injured by a goomba, reverting to small angry pissed.


Quote :
fucking here is your letter bitch i hope you are happy interrupting me and prince martin willis having good sex at fluttershys he screamed.

Then Spike was banished to the moon.


Quote :
Twilight stared annoyed at him then blasted hate at me

"Blasting hate"...am I the only one reminded of Hitler in Captain Planet? (Fu Manchu Hitler, to boot.)

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Quote :
it is fucking terrible news twilight shouted at her highest

Cupcakes and Becoming Female were nominated for the Man Booker Prize!


Quote :
before twilight could finish her thought…

They were promptly crushed underfoot by Mecha-Hitler.


Quote :
celest appeared!

And sent Martin to the moon.


Quote :
twilight we are going to be screwed someone has freed discord

Oh Ron Raper, what lengths will you go to in order to be sexist...


Quote :
we wept with shock and I smacked the air with angrous intent.

What did the air ever do to you?


Quote :
We will get him back to stone i will think of something i am a prince and am probably the most powerful thing here since the portle dropped me.

Knowing Prince, Discord will probably have a sore arse for weeks.


Quote :
secret weapon of chaos that will make us all cringe.

Hmmm...that could either be a DVD of Republican Campaign ads, or the director's cut of Battlefield Earth. Or the complete series of Captain Planet.


Quote :
but without a second moment celest began to change.

And Prince was dragged off to the changeling kingdom. Twilight received the $250 removal fee in the post.


Quote :
i promise i did not free him i defended and pleaded

As Celestia promptly zapped him with a sun beam, turning him to dust.

So he has his way with the princess. Were you even surprised?


I need a drink...


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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Wed Nov 21, 2012 7:24 pm

xerrofoot wrote:
You can't deny the kickass memes it gave birth to, though.
I'd rather be forced to act like a scumbag with the meme catchphrases continuing every time I did something, than agree with you foalfucker. Just saying, MLP in general is one big pile of steaming shit.
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Wed Nov 21, 2012 11:40 pm

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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Thu Nov 22, 2012 12:07 am

xerro your macro-on's gone all soft
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GeorgeUK
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Sat Nov 24, 2012 6:05 pm

Chapter 5. Current fic score: -246

Quote :
celest was still cynicallee depressed when she woke us up the next day

Being in a self-insert clopfic with atrocious grammar will do that to you.


Quote :
but she was eased by my quick love

"Quick love"? Does that mean he slept with her and never called back? I hear the moon is nice at this time of year.


Quote :
i will magic summon them here said twilight sexily

Using my kung fu ninja karate!


Quote :
waving her plot in front of my face

Plot (n.)

1. the story of a book, film, play, etc
2. Something "the Tail of pRince Martin Willis" does not have


Quote :
fucking go get my spellbook on sumoning the mane six here so that we may let them know we are in horrible trouble! spike rubbed at his scaled tail. fucking next time just yell bitch i was already in the fucking library and this is how you treat me! he breathed fire at her face to teach her a lesson and walked away mumbling.

So much for friendship. Still, at least the curse jar's healthy.


Quote :
when he returned we all made love real quick

It's always time for an orgy!


Quote :
while running a hoof through the book and she began to chant and snort and lark at the air.

What happened next wasn't pretty. All we know is that Spike now lives in fear of banjo music.


Quote :
suddenly all the mane six were poofed to the living room

Poofed??? *Presses Homophobia alarm*


Quote :
they were naked!

However...

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So I fail to see why being naked would be a problem. Unless it was The Day After Tomorrow outside, which is when Scotsmen consider putting a shirt on.


Quote :
rainbow dash who was now wearing a nose ring and boob rings because she had come out

Bad grammar, gratuitous sex, no plot, and now reinforcing negative stereotypes.

Sorry pRince. No sex with Rainbow Dash for you.


Quote :
it says here in my book of the future that i got from the royal library when i time travelled secretly to the past that one time a few episodes ago that a special rare pony will land through a portle and save us

But that book also said Romney would get 450 Electoral Votes and sweep the whole of New England.


Quote :
it does not say how to charge him.

Make him pay $3 for a doughnut.


Quote :
we are probably all fucked i said anguishness.

That'll fill them with confidence.


Quote :
You are the stupidest pony of all prince martin willis

"Oh no! It's my English teacher from High School!"


Quote :
we are in his guts and we are trapped!

"And he had three boxes of All Bran for breakfast!"

Also, why does Discord have a PA system in his intestines?


Next time: They get eaten.
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PostSubject: Re: The Tail of PRince Martin Willis   Sat Nov 24, 2012 6:09 pm

And the fic ends? Or do I want to know? Shocked
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