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 Ororo Storm (that's the actual title)

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EileenK98
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PostSubject: Ororo Storm (that's the actual title)   Sun Oct 21, 2012 1:44 pm

See? Actual title.

Another winner from the Just In bin. At least it's short. Unfortunately, one could suffocate and die trying to read this out loud, as the author seems not to know what punctuation is for.

Quote :
A six-year-old girl laid in a dark room unable to sleep from the plane's outside side her blue eyes pierced the darkness while her dark skin blended in quietly she slipped out of her bed wood floors cool under her feet she walked down the stairs of her two-story house tracing the walls of her house when a loud crash rumbled through the young girls ears suddenly the wall she was under came tumbling down she heard her mom's screech and she felt the stones crushing her she fell to her knees and closed her eyes when she opened them she was buried sadness welled up inside her she saw a water drop run down a crack in the stones it was raining she was stuck in the trap fear running though her veins like liquid fire burning her skin and blurring her vision she started to shake as tears trickled down her face.

Summary says her family was killed, but it's unclear from this exactly how. Also, if this is Evo-verse, she has a sister. What happened to her?

Quote :
She felt a strong breeze suddenly all the rocks around her fell off of her she climbed into the stormy night her white hair blowing in the wing the rain ran down her face she took one look at the destroyed she wanted to stay and find her parents but something in the wind was telling her to leave to run free voices were coming closer she whispered one last goodbye to her home and ran into the dark night with nothing but the cloths on her back her bare feet splashing in the mud young Ororo was now on her own but something told her that this was the way it was supposed to be.

Okay . . . so instead of sticking around to see if her parents are actually alive, she listens to a voice in the wind, and runs away on her own. At six years old. With no shoes on. We don't even know where this is supposed to be--is she in America? Africa? Clue, please?

Quote :
Ororo was twelve now she had on worn out shoes a torn black shirt and ripped pants despite the fact it was early morning the sun was blistering hot on the baked egyptian ground Ororo didn't turn many eyes as she walked down the empty streets suddenly she saw a man holding a souvenir examining it silently Ororo slipped behind the man sliding her hand into the pocket unnoticed grabbing the wallet than she darted off behind the wall of a building watching the man her was had on a travelers hat and a dust brown outfit he put his hand in his back pocket for his wallet but when her didn't find it he looked straight at her did he see her no that was imposable nobody ever caught her the man started to run in her direction young Ororo fled the wallet falling out of her hand

Since the summary lists this as "Storm/Ororo M. & Professor X/Prof. Charles Xavier," I'm assuming the man is supposed to be Charles. Although it could be anybody. The description made me think of Indiana Jones. Hey, wouldn't that be a cool crossover? But I digress.

Quote :
she thought about what had just happened she had never been caught before but she senced something diffrent about that man soon she dismissed the thought

The lack of punctuation makes it difficult to find what should be the end of this sentence, but I think this is a complete thought. This, I would guess, is supposed to be foreshadowing their next meeting.

I'm assuming, since this isn't marked Complete, that there's more to come. It might get better . . . but somehow I doubt it.
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Sheba
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PostSubject: Re: Ororo Storm (that's the actual title)   Sun Oct 21, 2012 2:44 pm

To be fair, I don't think I could sleep outside a plane either. Especially not a flying one. Also, her skin blends in with the dark? Not racist at all, that!

You weren't kidding about the punctuation thing; I tried reading the first paragraph there aloud and had to stop for breath halfway. Was this written whilst high, I wonder?
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Kakashifan727
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PostSubject: Re: Ororo Storm (that's the actual title)   Sun Oct 21, 2012 8:55 pm

this was painful to read. I couldn't understand much of what was going on.

So basically the plane crashed, killing everyone except her and she runs away to pickpocket people in the city in Egypt?
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Sheba
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PostSubject: Re: Ororo Storm (that's the actual title)   Sun Oct 21, 2012 8:58 pm

Kakashifan727 wrote:
this was painful to read. I couldn't understand much of what was going on.

So basically the plane crashed, killing everyone except her and she runs away to pickpocket people in the city in Egypt?

From some random place, no less! No word on what the setting is in the beginning.
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Kakashifan727
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PostSubject: Re: Ororo Storm (that's the actual title)   Sun Oct 21, 2012 9:10 pm

I'm gonna guess it's Africa/Middle East, wherever is closest to Egypt. Plot contrivance for the win!
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