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 Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment

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The Scientist
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PostSubject: Re: Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment   Thu Nov 22, 2012 11:20 am

If it's a troll, it's a pretty dedicated one. Don't they usually just cough up a "chapter" and then watch people go wtf?

But then again, everyone needs a hobby.....
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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment   Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:44 am

There are a lot of trolls who write huge multi-chapter fics. Terrible fanfiction is not exactly hard to write, so it does not really represent a huge time investment. My Imorrtal had a billion chapters and I doubt any of them took moreo than 10 minutes or so.

With that said, I do have a pretty decent troll-dar most of the time and this one seems genuine to me. *shrug* I could be wrong though.
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The Scientist
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PostSubject: Re: Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment   Fri Nov 23, 2012 11:47 am

Seriously, I don't know much about that, because I never thought about it, not really. I just come here for the fun of people sporking bad fiction, troll or no. Basically, other people do the work for me in this regard.

How can you tell genuine badfic from trollfic?
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PostSubject: Re: Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment   Sat Nov 24, 2012 6:53 pm

Well, guys, here we are: the final chapter. No recaps this time, only sporking.

Quote :
Harry and Dean sat down together on Harry's bed. He explained to Dean what was going on with Theo and how Theo felt about their relationship. Harry also told Dean that he needed to be careful with Theo because he saw Theo as if he were a son and if Dean hurt him like he did this time then he would have Harry to deal with.

This speech would be much more effective if Harry were polishing his shotgun as he delivered it. Or if we actually got to hear it instead of being told about it. That too.

Quote :
When everything was explained Dean wiped his tears away and nodded. Dean understood however now he felt like a total jackass towards Theo.

Okay, so the only apparent problem with the relationship is that Dean wants sex and Theo doesn't. And Dean needed someone else to explain to him that he should just leave Theo alone? Is it just me, or is this really, really bad? I mean, your partner shouldn't have to have some giant explanation for why they don't want to have sex if they don't want to be vilified for it. "I don't want to" should be enough.

Quote :
Meanwhile with Voldemort…

"Well, my father was always rather passionate. When he died on the mission at the beginning of the summer I nearly died myself. I could show you the memories if you wanted?" Theo explained in a whisper.

I was always under the impression that the spell to place one's memories in a pensieve was rather complicated and not mainstream knowledge. Of course, the HP wiki did describe Theodore Nott as "cleverer" than Draco Malfoy, so I'll just pretend he's another Hermione and let it slide.

Quote :
"Yes, I think I must see these memories in order to make sure you weren't raped." Voldemort stated.

Theo allowed his mental shields to come down and Voldemort quickly delved into his memories.

Oh, I see, no pensieve required. Of course, shouldn't Theo be a little more reluctant to allow Voldemort to go all Legilimens on him? And what "mental shields"? I don't think that's taught in books, and it's most certainly not in Hogwarts classes.

Quote :
Theodred Nott came home from the latest raid. His black death eater robes had splashes of blood on them and there was a bit of splattered blood on his mask as well.

Just in case you needed reminding that the stars of this fic are HORRIBLE people.

Quote :
Theodred took off his robes and dropped them unceremoniously on the floor along with his mask. The next thing to come off was his shoes, shirt and then his jeans so he was now walking around in only his boxers. Theodred entered his bedroom only to find Teddy curled up on his bed with some kind of romance novel.

Ted...dy?

Quote :
He slowly snuck up on Teddy before pouncing carefully on the boy. Teddy grinned and laid his novel aside before wrapping his arms around his father's neck loosely. Theodred kissed Teddy gently and after a bit of passion the two broke apart. Teddy listened to Theodred explain the raid and nodded along with everything the man said.

Does this remind you of one of those 1950's "how to greet your man when he gets home from work" thingies?

Quote :
When it seemed like Theodred was done talking, Teddy asked his father if he was ready for dinner.

The dinner was a large Greek salad alongside with grilled cheese sandwiches.

See, he even has dinner on the table! Although it's probably pretty gross by now; Teddy had time to curl up with a book, and grilled cheese doesn't keep very well.

Quote :
They were half done their dinner when Theodred inched his hand along Teddy's lap. Teddy looked at Theodred for a second before throwing himself into Theodred's lap.

"Son, stop trying to be sexy while I'm eating grilled cheese. It's got to be the second-least sexy food ever, after fried chicken."

Quote :
Theodred chuckled and wrapped his arms around Theo. Theo nuzzled his father's throat before the shared a steamy kiss. A few minutes later Theo's shirt was thrown off and the two were straddling each other on the floor. Theo let out a loud moan as Theodred thrusted gently against him.

"Make love to me?" Theo whispered.

"Of course Theo." Theodred murmured before capturing Theo's lips once more as they disposed the rest of their clothes.

Ah, what a cute scene. A 14-year-old boy having sex with his grown father, who has just come home from killing countless innocents. Also, grilled cheese.

Quote :
Voldemort pulled out of Theo's thoughts and stared at the boy in awe. He had never seen a boy actually fall in love like that. Theodred and Theo seemed to have a perfect unique relationship and now Voldemort could see why Theodred's death deeply affected Theo.

After all, an incestuous relationship with your grandfather just wouldn't be as hot.

Quote :
There was a knock on the door before Harry and Dean entered into the room. Theo was curled up in Voldemort's lap making it kind of seem like they were son and father minus Theo's past passion excursions with father figures.

I get it, F.U.C.K.E.R. Lap-sitting is sexy. There is nothing more titillating than the thought of a pubescent seated on the junk of a much older man. But you don't have to put it in EVERY GODDAMN SCENE. Has a single chapter gone by without one boy sitting on another's lap?

Quote :
Harry smiled and Dean watched sadly. It was quite shocking however when Theo saw Dean and shouted his name before leaping towards the boy. Dean wrapped his arms around Theo and smiled small.

Last chapter, Theo said he was AFRAID of Dean. That fear is not going to disappear after a single chat with Wizard Hitler. Of course, Theo is an uke, so he can't stand being alone without his seme, even if his seme has been a bastard to him. Because that's just how healthy relationships work.

Quote :
"Theo?" Harry asked softly.

"What is it Harry?" Theo murmured into Dean's chest.

"How are you feeling?" Harry wondered aloud.

"Much better." Theo said with a grin.

"The uke-virus has finally spread to my brain, eradicating all feelings of independence and personal ambition. I have no will of my own... of my own... my own."

Quote :
Voldemort tugged Harry into his arms as he watched the young couple. Dean lightly nuzzled Theo's throat. Without warning there was suddenly a rather loud bang.

Well, gee, guys, at least wait for Harry and Voldy to leave the room.

Quote :
The room shook violently and the ceiling began to collapse in. There was a loud scream, a maniac laugh, and scared shouts. The world went black. Three hours later Harry returned to consciousness and everyone he cared for was surrounding him.

what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what

Quote :
"Harry? Love can you hear me?" Voldemort asked.

Harry nodded in response.

"There was an attack on the school. We aren't sure whom was behind it however the rubble seemed to affect us all.

"I think the Harry Potter fans have finally caught up to us! Quick, we must flee!"

Quote :
You have been unconscious for three hours, Theo had a broken arm, Dean received a dislocated shoulder, and I broke two ribs. We are all fine now though." Voldemort explained.

Harry looked around and noticed that Dean was shirtless with bandages wrapped around his shoulder, Theo was sitting in Dean's lap

GRARGGLE

Quote :
with his arm in a sling, and Voldemort seemed perfectly fine. Harry sat up slowly in the hospital issued bed however he immediately groaned when his head hurt so bad that his vision kind of reminded him of opening his eyes while under water. Madam Pomfrey was immediately at his side. After Harry drank a potion that made all of his pain go away he was shocked by a question that he never thought someone would ask him.

"Have you ever once felt a shred of remorse for what you've done to canon?"

Quote :
"Harry, when you turn seventeen would you like to get married and help me rule the world?" Voldemort whispered into his ear.

"I would love to." Harry stated and sealed his answer with a soft kiss.

Didn't we establish a couple chapters ago that Voldemort no longer wanted to take over the world?

Quote :
Things seemingly went back to normal and Harry was released from the hospital.

Making the entire "attack on the school" business completely pointless.

Quote :
Harry started attending classes again and just as Harry was starting to get back into the flow of things he was hit with another two bombs.

Yes! Yes! Hit him good, hit him good!

Quote :
Bomb one included the fact that the final round of the Triwizard tournament would occur later on today.

I wouldn't call that a "bomb"...

Quote :
Bomb two included the fact that Draco was pregnant and just went into labor.

Oh, wait, Draco was pregnant? I had no idea, F.U.C.K.E.R., the 9001 times that you mentioned and implied it weren't nearly enough.

Quote :
Harry worried deeply for Draco considering the blonde was still merely fourteen going on fifteen and he was already about to become a daddy. Just as the final task was about to start Harry was told that Draco gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Gregori Seamus Malfoy-Finnegan and that Draco had officially named Harry the godfather.

Yeah, yeah, it's sappy as all get out. Can we skip to some action?

Quote :
A few years went by and now Harry was nineteen years old.

HOLY FUCKING SHIP. I did NOT snip anything. That's just how it went.

Quote :
Harry had been married to Voldemort for three years now and together they had ruled the world for two.

HOW?! What did they do to dominate the world?! Did Voldemort get elected Minister? Did they overthrow the Ministry? And do they just rule the wizarding world, or literally the whole world? What kind of a job are they doing? EXPLAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIN.

Quote :
Harry was laying on his bed in a light sleep when suddenly a small body pounced on him. He opened his eyes sleepily however he immediately smiled when he realized that the small body happened to be his godson Gregori. Harry could hear the shower running so he knew that Voldemort was in the bathroom and since he could hear the coffee maker starting up he realized just where Draco was.

Because Voldemort is a huge fan of Muggle technology.

Quote :
Since Voldemort's home, the Riddle Manor, was currently being renovated Voldemort and Harry were temporarily living in the Malfoy Manor with Draco, Seamus, and their son Gregori.

Technically, it's Riddle HOUSE. Normally I would overlook that, but due to F.U.C.K.E.R.'s tendency to get all of her info from the wiki, I won't. In fact, I'm pretty sure she didn't even bother to check and see if there actually WAS a Riddle residence; she probably just figured "Hey, everything's better with manors."

Snip Harry and Gregori playing together (not in THAT way, although I wouldn't put it past F.U.C.K.E.R.).

Quote :
The two sat in a nice quiet silence before Harry finally whispered to Gregori,

"Hey Greg?"

"Yes 'arry?"

"You want to go sneak up on your father?"

Gregori nodded in response.

Snip MORE FUCKING PLAYING. I mean, yeah, fluffy kiddie stuff is nice, but this stuff is written in such beige prose, and F.U.C.K.E.R. clearly has no real interest in it.

Anyway, at some point in their messing around in the kitchen, Harry throws up in the trashcan (why not in the sink? Easier to get rid of.) Voldemort gets concerned, but Harry shrugs it off. Harry and Gregori take a nap, and Voldemort walks in.

Quote :
Voldemort went over to the bed and cast a charm over Harry to reveal any injuries.

I don't think an INJURY would cause vomiting, although an ILLNESS might.

Quote :
He was surprised when no injuries popped up however Harry's stomach got slightly larger.

It grew in front of his eyes? Either that or F.U.C.K.E.R. meant to say "WAS slightly larger."

Quote :
Harry and Gregori seemed to wake up but had yet to notice Voldemort so, Voldemort cast an invisibility charm over himself and overheard a conversation he never expected to hear.

"Gregori, you are going to have a little cousin to play with soon." Harry whispered.

"You have baby?" Gregori questioned in an extremely small childish voice which was not how Gregori usually talked.

"Yes Gregori." Harry whispered once more.

"Does Uncle Voldie know?"

"Not yet buddy, not yet."

The End.

YES. That is IT.

After all the Stu-ness, after all the missing commas, after all the OOCness, after all the contrived romances, after all the unfortunate implications,

THIS.

IS.

IT.

And I...

I'm...

I'm actually kinda gonna miss it.

No, don't get me wrong! This fic is TERRIBLE. There is NOTHING redeemable about it. F.U.C.K.E.R. is a terrible author, and if she actually thinks this is a good story, she just might be an even terribler person.

But--

THIS FIC. How could a sporker not love it?

Every chapter, every scene, it finds a whole new level of bad. Besides My Immortal, this is the only fic I could find that displayed the "It Gets Worse" trope to a tee. This isn't just a BAD story, it's a batshit insane one!

And that's why, if F.U.C.K.E.R. is a troll, I would like to congratulate her. She really did a great job, without having to depend on staples of other trollfics, like bad spelling and obviously extreme beliefs.

And yet...

I don't know for sure, of course, but I don't think this is a troll. Part of it is the grammar and spelling. Most trollfics either go the My Immortal route and just mash random keys, or prefer to be more subtle, and spell and punctuate perfectly. The spelling is nigh perfect, but the fic is nearly devoid of commas. This is a rather common mistake in young writers, so I don't think it was intentional. Also, I know for a fact that people like this F.U.C.K.E.R. exist. The furry-ness, the ukefication, the Stu-ness, the crack pairings, and the mpreg are all things that you see in other fics. It's just odd to see them all together.

All in all, I would love it if this were a trollfic, but I doubt it. And even if it was a troll, the reviewers certainly are not. This baby has 39 reviews, and all but 5 of them are entirely positive, and two of those I'm reasonably certain were given by readers of this spork. The reviews include such snippets as:

Quote :
I really like your story, it has the perfect amount of fluffiness Smile

Quote :
When is the next chapter going to be out :3

Quote :
I hope that you will write a sequel. I really liked this story. I want to know what will happen next.

All of these were by different people.

Well, at least now we know that the horror is over. The horizon has been reached. Nothing can possibly go lower than Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment--

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

FUUUUUUUUUUCKEEEEEEERRRRRR
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The Scientist
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PostSubject: Re: Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment   Sun Nov 25, 2012 5:53 am

Gah, there we go again with the "mate" thing. It annoys me.

Like I said, I don't have much experience in spotting a trollfic, but even if the fic isn't genuine, the reviews almost certainly are. That doesn't tell us as much about FUCKER as it does about people who actually fantasise about these things. It's rather bizarre. But entertaining. The sporking was very fun. Please keep it up!
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PostSubject: Re: Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment   Mon Nov 26, 2012 11:01 am

The Scientist wrote:
How can you tell genuine badfic from trollfic?
*shrug* What SouthSim said. The writing is amateur and clunky is a very genuine way. The grammatical errors are believable. It is not referencing a more famous troll fic. The Voldermort eating cookie dough part was the only thing that seems a little over the top, but that could easily be an inside joke between the author and hir friends or something like that.

I could be wrong, but if this is troll fic it is not the obvious sort of troll fic.


Last edited by Reepicheep-chan on Mon Nov 26, 2012 12:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
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The Scientist
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PostSubject: Re: Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment   Mon Nov 26, 2012 11:26 am

Okay, yeah, well, that makes sense. Thanks for the pointers.
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PostSubject: Re: Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment   Mon Nov 26, 2012 11:32 am

Quote :
As soon as Harry closed his eyes and fell unconscious he also happened to slip into a different world entirely. When Harry was sleeping the world around him changed drastically.

Harry Potter And The Lucid Dream. Rated PG-13, now showing in IMAX. Bring a napkin.
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PostSubject: Re: Harry Potter and the Feisty Sentiment   Sun Dec 09, 2012 5:36 pm

Pfft. Just wanted to say that your sporking of this fic was utterly hilarious. :3 Kudos. You have provided many lolz.



I'm actually looking forward to the sequel. This fic is a legendary kind of bad.
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