Neville Gets an O

Hello, I was just browsing Potter Sues, and I came across a fic called Neville gets an O. It sounds like a cute little fic about Neville and Hermione, right? WRONG.

Quote :

Nevelle's almost perfect potion causes Snape and Hermione to have a little problem... SMUT... M for a reason

I know Snape/Hermione is a popular ship, but any pairing with Snape is just such squick for me, especially if it's with someone young like Hermione.

Well, on with the show.

Quote :

Professor Snape walked slowly between the students, studying the bubbling potions carefully. "Mr. Longbottom, I believe this is in fact the first time I have not found you completely inept." Snape sneered towards his cauldron looking for anything that he could critique him on, but unfortunately his potion was exactly the right shade and viscosity. "Now can anyone tell me what this potion does?"

Wow, Snape seems surprisingly in-character, at least by fanfic standards. Maybe this will be fun after all, and I can skip out once the smut gets started.

Quote :

Hermione's hand shot into the air before he could even finish his sentence completely. "Fine Miss. Granger why don't you enlighten us."

Ah, the sheer assholery of the real Snape sure is a comfort after all those Snape-in-Leather-Pants fics I've seen on Potter Sues. This is lovely.

Quote :

His sneer was firmly in place as he forced out his most condescending tone towards the bouncy brunette.

..."bouncy?"

Quote :

Bouncy was the word he had applied to Hermione at the beginning of her 7th year, seeing the way she now filled out her now very tight uniform.

"She had changed over the summer, developing curves in all the right places."

Also, something tells me Hermione would make sure to wear a uniform that fit her properly, instead of "bouncing" about in something that would get her unwanted attention.

Quote :

"It forces the person who consumes it to tell their designated counterpart exactly what they want to do to them at that moment, and causes them to attempt to act out their innermost thoughts."

"It is widely known as the most contrived potion in the wizarding world. It was invented by a group of fanbrat witches who wanted to see their crack pairing OTPs acted out."

Quote :

She smiled contently at herself as he continued.

"And how is the counterpart chosen?"

"By touch, whoever touches the drinker first is designated counter part for a period of 2 hours."

FORESHADOWING!!!111eleventy

Quote :

Just as Hermione had finished her explanation Neville had dropped his last ingredient into his cauldron, and unbeknownst to him or anyone else he had inverted the amount need from 12 stems to 21 stems, causing the potency to go through the roof. The potion bubbled violently, and just as Snape opened his mouth to reprimand Hermione for answering before being called upon

COMMA.

Quote :

Neville's cauldron erupted and the potion splattered around the room. Some managed to find it's way straight into the very irate potion masters mouth.

Little did the class know that this was Neville's plan all along, as he was a huge Snermione shipper and wanted it to become canon.

Quote :

He tried not to swallow, but he automatically did on instinct,

Oh, so Snape's first instinct when something foreign makes its way into his mouth is to swallow it?

Quote :

causing his eyes to bulge out, and him to stand ramrod straight.

Hermione reached her hand out and touched Snape's arm to see if he was ok. "Are you alright Professor?"

Hermione would NEVER touch Snape willingly.

Quote :

Snape looked from Hermione to her hand's resting place on his arm. His mind racing through all of the dirty fantasies he'd been having about her in just the last day.

Snape shouldn't have to worry about the potion making him act a different way towards her, because Snape always wears long sleeves, and Hermione only touched his arm. Therefore, there was no skin contact and Snape just has to find someone to touch that he doesn't want to sex up.

Also, other than the "bouncy" comment, we've had no clue that Snape wanted to sex up Hermione. Not that I'm complaining.

Quote :

"Get in my office NOW!" Snape started to stalk away, worry etched on his face, until he noticed she hadn't moved. "NOW!" With that last word she seemed to understand, and rushed into his office as fast as she could. "Class is dismissed, finish, clean up, and leave." He slammed his office door, quickly warding, lock, and silencing the door and the entire wall.

Where are Ron and Harry in all this? They must be terrified for her, being called into Snape's office alone like that. You'd think they'd at least try to see what was going on in there.

Quote :

"Professor what is it?"

Hex now, ask questions later, Hermione. At least, that's what you'll wish you did in a second.

Quote :

"I want to rip your clothes from your body, and show you pleasures you've never known before." Snape's head was resting against the door, staring at the intricate wood shapes.

Goodbye, Snape! Hello, whatever-the-fuck-this-thing-is!"

Quote :

"I want to bend you over the desk, and take you quick and hard, until you can't scream anymore. Perhaps, No, yes, I'll take you up against the wall, you screaming as your nails bite into my back, pulling me closer to your drenched heat as I fill you completely in one agonizingly slow stroke. Snape's mind was reeling, he knew he wanted what he was asking for, but the fact that Hermione wasn't running for the hills made him wonder what the Gryffindor vixen had up her sleeve.

Great, now Snape is narrating his thoughts to her. Also, since when is Hermione a "vixen?"

Quote :

vix·en [vik-suhn]

noun

1.
a female fox.

2.
an ill-tempered or quarrelsome woman.

Hermione is not a fox or ill-tempered. WORDS MEAN THINGS, AUTHOR.

Quote :

Snape finally turned, and looked at Hermione, his cold unfeeling shields dropping so she could see the unadulterated lust that rampaged through his coal eyes.

Yes, Snape being a bastard to Hermione and the gang was just a cover-up to keep them from knowing how much he wanted her.

Quote :

He felt a bit better as he saw a smile play on her face, and she took a step closer to him.

"Professor," She was said, advancing on him and starting to unbutton the top of her white shirt.

AND HERMIONE IS GOING FOR IT?! Please, please, PLEASE say she's just taking her wand out of her bra so she can hex this thing to death.

Quote :

"Call me Severus love."

"OK, Severus love. Now, Stupefy, bitch!"

Quote :

He reached out and snagged her around the waist, pulling her up against him and claiming her mouth. His tongue not asking for entrance, but starting to viciously plunge into her mouth, claiming her for his own.

A professor, sexually claiming a student for his own? This isn't squicky in any sense of the word.

Quote :

Hermoine felt his long talented fingers start to pull her shirt from her skirt, and she thanked Merlin that she had forgone her robe during the lesson due to the heat in the potions lab.

Why, is the two seconds it would take to remove a robe too long to wait when you want to be molested by your teacher?

Quote :

After getting frustrated by the buttons on her shirt he simply ripped off the remaining buttons, and dragged the loose fabric down her shoulders.

Now he's permanently damaged her clothing, and she doesn't have a robe to cover it up with on her way to the next class. NO ONE WILL SUSPECT YOU, SNAPE.

Quote :

He nipped his way down her shoulder, marking her perfectly.

Perfectly as opposed to what? Not making the marks in a straight line?

Quote :

"I can't decide what I want more, to take you here on my desk, or to take you to against the hard stone wall." Hermione backed up against his desk, jumped up to sit on the desk, and smiled wantonly up at Severus.

"Why not both?"

Quote :

At this Severus leapt forward and once again claimed Hermione's mouth,

Again? But you just claimed it!

Quote :

tasting her thoroughly as one hand tangled in her hair while the other ventured down her body, and gently nudged her thighs further apart. Hermione moaned into his mouth as he pushed aside the strip of silk between her legs

"Now, what were you doing with that silk scarf up your skirt?"

"I was keeping it warm!"

Quote :

"So warm, so tight, so…" Snape's fingers hit a barrier with her. "You're a virgin."

Yes, virgins keep concrete walls in their vaginas to deter rapists like you.

Quote :

"Yes, but don't stop." Her eyes locked with his, and something odd flickered across his face.

It was a the last shred of canon, begging to be given some place of sanctuary in the midst of this horror.

Quote :

"I won't, I can't, but I'm going to do it right." With that he gathered Hermione into his arms, and carried her into his chambers

Wait, aren't the teacher's chambers seperate from their offices? So he must have carried her through the hallways. Naked.

Speaking of which, wouldn't some other teachers notice if all Snape's students were dismissed early? Shouldn't someone be going to make sure everything's OK in the classroom?

Quote :

Pausing again to suckle on her hardened nipple, nipping lightly causing Hermione to scream out.

She really shouldn't be screaming before penetration starts.

Quote :

His mouth continued its attack down her body, tracing her abs, and dipping his tongue into her navel.

This caused him to get a mouthfull of lint, which was a major turnoff.

Quote :

"Please, please Severus." Hermione begged for him to go lower, pulling at his hair so his mouth was as close to her body as she could get it. He nibbled his way up her inner thigh, dragging his fingertips along her hipbone.

Maybe it's just me, but if Severus is only being forced by the potion to do the things he's fantasized about, would he really fantasize about giving her oral sex? I mean, he clearly feels no connection to her on an emotional level, why does he care if she enjoys things?

Quote :

He gently kissed her nub, causing her to thrust her hips closer to his face. His tongue began tracing her delicate folds, causing Hermione to let out a low moan from deep in her throat. "God, faster Sev faster." Snape couldn't help but smirk at the new nickname, and he did exactly as she asked. He brought his hand to her core, and thrust them into her heat.

He thrust more than one hand into her heat? OW OW OW.

Quote :

He worked her with vigor, nipping lightly at her tight knot of nerves while curling his fingers up to hit the spot that made her fall over the cliff.

Mercifully killing her and setting her free from this torture.

Quote :

"SEV!" Hermione's voice alone was almost enough to make Snape cum right then and there.

He's cumming from her voice alone? Talk about sensitive.

Quote :

Hermione slowly came down from her orgasm as Snape licked her clean. Snape kissed his way back up her body, paying special attention to Hermione's pert nipples. He finally reached her eager mouth, and devoured it, tracing the sweet cavern.

Hermione pulled back slightly, and rolled her body against him causing him to jump as she pressed her hips against his pulsing erection.

And now he's hard again? It's been less than a minute!

Quote :

"Sev… I want to feel you." Getting the idea Snape pulled off his boxers, the only thing left between him and Hermione.

"I'm not going to lie Hermione, this is going to hurt."

"Not to mention it rapes canon like there's no tomorrow."

Quote :

Hermione nodded, and wrapped her teeth around his shoulder making Severus moan with the slight contact. "Bite down as hard as you need to." Severus wouldn't say it, but he secretly loved the feel of her teeth on his skin.

"Wrapped her teeth around?" How flexible are the things?

Quote :

He lined himself up, and slowly pressed into her soaked entrance, stopping after every inch to allow her to adjust to his girth. He felt immediately when he hit her barrier, it's thin nature made it easy to break, but the pain was unavoidable. "You ready?" Hermione simply let out a strangled moan, and prepared herself by giving him a light nip on the shoulder.

It's hard to imagine "lightly nipping" someone when you have your teeth wrapped around them.

Quote :

With that sign Severus drew out so just his head was in her, then filled her completely breaking through her frail barrier. He felt the teeth on his shoulder tighten, but only momentarily, then they released, and kissed where she had marked him. "Thank You." Hermione looked up at him in surprise.

"Yeah, thanks for letting me put my cock in you and touch your boobies and stuff. It was fun. Now... 'bye!"

Quote :

"What do you have to thank me for?" Hermione looked up at Severus, and surprised him by clenching her muscles around his manhood. "You're the one who helped me, you have no idea how long I've wanted to bed the infamous potions master."

OH, I SEE. Not only has Snape been secretly lusting after Hermione's "bounciness", but Hermione has always wanted to sex him up, too. Well, what a lovely turn of events.

Quote :

Hermione could feel herself build, but she would only get so far at this speed, so she took things into her own hands. She locked her feet behind his legs, and quickly flipped them over so she was on top. She lined herself up over him quickly, and impaled herself on him, filling herself completely and getting him deeper than before. The look of shock and awe on his face was as much encouragement as she needed before flexing her thigh muscles and lifting herself up before dropping back down clenching her muscles around him again. She rode him hard until he couldn't take it anymore, grabbing her hips he took charge and thrust up into her as hard and fast as he could while placing a constant pressure on her clit.

It's moments like this when the story sounds like a really nice lemon, but when you know that it's Snape and Hermione doing this, and that they're completely out of character, it takes all the fun out of it.

Quote :

The sudden changes made Hermione build up at an incredible speed; finally bursting, and the insane clench of her muscles forced Severus over the edge as well. He spilled his seed deep within her, and drew her on top of his chest as they both got their breath back. Severus softened and drew himself out of Hermione before moving her to the side and drawing her back against his chest. Hermione moved her head slightly to the side so she could speak. "Severus?"

"What the hell just happened to us?"

"We were canon-raped, Miss Granger. It's not a good feeling, is it?

"No. No, it's not."

Quote :

"What is it love?" Hemione smiled at the endearing term that she was sure she would miss in the morning.

"Give Neville an O on his potion, he deserves it after that." Hermione could feel Snape smile against her hair.

TITLE DROP! Also, Hermione's hair has nerves in it that can feel someone smiling.

Quote :

"Of course I will… now go to sleep." He drew her in closer to him, placing a kiss to her temple as they both drifted off into a deep sleep.

In the middle of the day, when they were both supposed to be in class.

Quote :

Snape awoke several hours later, looking around in slight confusion before the entire event flooded back to him. He stifled a gasp as he felt the soft curves of Hermione pressed against him. "Go back to sleep Sev, we don't have to get up yet do we?"

"Miss. Granger, I think we need to discuss this first." Hermione knew that this would happen eventually, but she figured she may just be able to fix this.

"I like you, apparently you like me… Neville screwed up on only the last step of his potion, giving us the opportunity to have amazing mad passionate sex. Did I miss anything?" A smile started to creep across Snape's stern face. "Oh, and you are giving Neville an O on his potion." Hermione placed a chaste kiss on his forehead then cuddled back into his chest, pulling his arm across her body. "Now go back to sleep before I have to wear you out again… though the desk would be fun later." Snape was to shocked to argue as he settled back down in next to his new lover, making a mental note to add 50 points to Gryffindor, and give Neville an O later.

I'm glad to say that this was a one-shot and the author has specifically stated that she won't write a sequel.

Just when I thought people had beaten Nelmione to death... my thought process is much like my avatar.

Quote :

"It forces the person who consumes it to tell their designated counterpart exactly what they want to do to them at that moment, and causes them to attempt to act out their innermost thoughts."

I'm no Potter fan, but something tells me that this is a ridiculous concept. I can suspend my disbelief quite far, but a potion that can force someone to confess their deepest thoughts to whomever they touch just sounds a bit too much like a convenient plot device. Does stuff like that actually exist in the fandom? Isn't magic that affects the behaviour of others supposed to be banned anyway?

Cunovendus wrote:

Quote :

"It forces the person who consumes it to tell their designated counterpart exactly what they want to do to them at that moment, and causes them to attempt to act out their innermost thoughts."

I'm no Potter fan, but something tells me that this is a ridiculous concept. I can suspend my disbelief quite far, but a potion that can force someone to confess their deepest thoughts to whomever they touch just sounds a bit too much like a convenient plot device. Does stuff like that actually exist in the fandom? Isn't magic that affects the behaviour of others supposed to be banned anyway?

Well, there IS vitri/vitraserum, which can force someone to tell any/everything they know/think/feel, But that requires forceful ingestion of the potion.

Reidmar wrote:

Cunovendus wrote:

Quote :

"It forces the person who consumes it to tell their designated counterpart exactly what they want to do to them at that moment, and causes them to attempt to act out their innermost thoughts."

I'm no Potter fan, but something tells me that this is a ridiculous concept. I can suspend my disbelief quite far, but a potion that can force someone to confess their deepest thoughts to whomever they touch just sounds a bit too much like a convenient plot device. Does stuff like that actually exist in the fandom? Isn't magic that affects the behaviour of others supposed to be banned anyway?

Well, there IS vitri/vitraserum, which can force someone to tell any/everything they know/think/feel, But that requires forceful ingestion of the potion.

Plus, with practice, someone can train themselves to lie under influence of veritaserum.

There's also love potions, but I think those were banned in Hogwarts due to being mainly a product of the Weasley Wizard Wheezes.

Wow, I saw the thread title, and thought this would be about Neville getting his first orgasm with Hagrid or the Giant Squid or something along those lines.

SouthSimGal wrote:

"OK, Severus love. Now, Stupefy, bitch!"

Best snark line ever.

Quote :

"I can't decide what I want more, to take you here on my desk, or to take you to against the hard stone wall."

Call me fussy, but I prefer the organic wood of a desk to an unfeeling, abiotic, and possibly cold wall.

Am I also the only one that thought this would be about Neville having his first sexual experience? Poor Neville fans, being mislead like that. I'm filing a civil suit for broken dreams and dashed expectations.

Kari Izumi wrote:

Wow, I saw the thread title, and thought this would be about Neville getting his first orgasm with Hagrid or the Giant Squid or something along those lines.

Me, too. I suppose we've just seen too many horrors over the years. We always assume the worst.