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 The Emperor's Harem

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textrix

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Join date : 2010-12-22

PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Sat Sep 08, 2012 11:04 am

Dixie wrote:

Quote :
A thin layer of red rogue was swiped across her cheeks. Her hair was brushed out, Gin wincing as the knots were pulled out mercilessly. The red locks were pinned up and her hair flowed down her back like a river of blood.


Emphasis mine. So - a character in another fandom is called Rogue but is constantly misspelled as "Rouge". A cosmetic called "rouge" is constantly misspelled as "rogue". Spell-checkers are no substitute for literacy, guys!

I laughed really hard at this because I imagined Rogue being put into a blender and then applied to Ginny's cheeks. Hey, it fits with the next bloody 'simile' (gagging as I am to give her that kind of credit)!

Honestly fanbrats, similes are used to build mood--they have a frikkin symbolic meaning! You can't just compare anything to anything because you think it sounds good!
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SouthSimGal
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:02 pm

Quote :
Chapter 11: Dancing Daily Life

This is it, guys! The last chapter! I. CAN'T. WAIT.

Quote :
"Bend back. Further! Relax your muscles and let gravity pull you backwards." Mistress Verain instructed sharply. "I've told you a hundred and one times, Ginevra! Remember my words."

WHY does Ginny have to dance in this fic? My goodness, nothing in this story indicates that she is at all graceful or agile. Why, nothing in this fic indicates that she has any talents whatsoever other than being a rapist-magnet. Can't Draco admire her beauty well enough without all this dancing nonsense?

Quote :
A slim figure, bent gracefully in an intricate pose was in the center of the training room, a black cloth wrapped around her body enticingly. Chocolate eyes slanted, completely concentrated on her task. Arms held gracefully in position, back bent much further than humanly possible.

Um, so her shoulders are broken? How else could her arms be bent farther back than humanly possible?

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A toned stomach half covered by the sheer cloth, legs shaking slightly, supporting her unbalanced weight.

WE KNOW WHAT GINNY LOOKS LIKE, YOU'VE BEEN GOING ON ABOUT HER MILKINESS SINCE CHAPTER ONE.

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"Good. Further back. Don't contort your face like that! It makes you look horrible."

Her back bent a few more degrees and she held the position breathlessly. She paused, sweat dripping down her back as she waited for her teacher's comment.

"We will work on this later, but you are much improved." Mistress Verain nodded slowly. She walked over to the girl and began massaging her arm muscles, then her back.

Ooh, lesbian time!

Quote :
Gin almost groaned as she felt her muscles contracting. Checking herself,

...For what? To make sure she didn't shit her pants when her muscles contracted?

Quote :
she allowed her teacher to slowly pull her out of the position that they had been practicing for the past three hours. "Will I be able to put that in my routine?"

"I don't know. You need let your body become accustomed to it, or you will falter or cramp up in front of the Emperor."

Ugh, all this nonsense about how "Ginny has to come to him, or the wub isn't twu!!!11" is making me sick. She doesn't remember so much as the Emperor's name, much less why she should like him or want to like him. And now Draco is judging her love for him by how well she dances? What is this fic?

Quote :
"Emperor… You mean at that festival?" Gin asked quietly, wincing as her teacher began her stretching exercises.

Mistress Verain eye twitched slightly above her veil. "It's the festival. Not that festival."

Look, are these two alone in a room together? None of the other dancers seem to be around, and they're all performing at that very same festival. Shouldn't Mistress Verain be training all of them at once? I know she doesn't have enough time to tutor them all one-on-one, so why is Ginny so special? I know, I know, she's Draco's favorite, but did he specifically tell her to spend extra time with Ginny? Why would he do that instead of asking her to help Ginny remember him or something? Does he think that when she dances in front of him she'll suddenly regain her memories?

Quote :
"I'd rather not dance for some man that I've never seen before. I need to find out what a Draco is!" Gin murmured, annoyed. "I haven't been able to figure it out and it has been almost a complete three and a half months!"

I get it, their wub won't be nearly as twu if Ginny is told that she and Draco were in love before, but why is this dance subplot necessary when she doesn't know a damn thing about the Emperor as a person? Ugh, I sound like a broken record.

Quote :
"You will find out in time. For now, work on your routine and make it as perfect as possible." Mistress Verain said philosophically.

Does Mistress Verain also cry wisely?

Quote :
Silently, angry and frustrated, Gin completed her stretching and stalked to her room. Almost ripping the delicate fabric in her annoyance, she stripped and walked out naked, down the long hallway of alcoves and into the communal bathroom / spa.

The large bathroom was steamy.

--from all the sexy lesbians having an orgy in the jacuzzi.

Quote :
Gin waved her hand in front of her face, attempting to escape from the heat. Spotting her plaque above her own bathtub. She waited impatiently as an attendant filled the bath and slipped in bath salts.

They were banana-peel scented bath salts.

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She slipped in, moaning happily.

It's always great to sit naked in a steaming hot bathroom with a bunch of lesbians.

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The attendant massaged her back with scented soaps. The combination was heaven. Her mind began to drift.

It had adapted to its environment by becoming so light that even a tiny breeze could carry it away.

Quote :
A pair of hands descended on her back and began to massage her once more. Unwittingly, Ginevra leaned into the touch. The hands moved in slow circles and there was a splash in the water. Draco slid into the large tub and looked at the redhead with an amused smile. "I take it you like my massages?"

Ah, yes, good memories. The first time you got molested! Sure, it wasn't all that pleasant at the time, what with the multiple bleeding spots and the non-consensual-ness, but indeed, it was something you could look back and laugh about.

Quote :
Gin bolted upright. Her attendant scurried away from her, muttering apologies. "Be still." She commanded. "Leave me. I shall attend to myself for now." The attendant nodded, eyes wide as she backed away.

She'd learned to obey Sues, or else bad things happened. Yes, her dear cousin Jenny, and her precious husband Brian, had all been taken before their time by them. She knew it wan't right, it wasn't fair, but she also knew that all rebellion was pointless; their power was too great, their influence upon canon characters too strong, even their very appearance crushed all defiance from any living creature.

And yet, at that moment, she wondered if perhaps that was only what they wanted you to think. Everyone knew that Sues could warp the very character of those born in canon, who knew if they couldn't do the same to its immigrants? Could her very willingness to give up be nothing more than a fabrication made to suit that thing's purposes? Or perhaps... perhaps...

No, no, it couldn't be! She raised a hand to cover her mouth. Could her very existence have... assisted the Sue? Yes, she saw it! The Sue's already ludicrously beautiful eyes brightened. She remembered! The secret that the entire staff had taken great joy in keeping from her, was all ruined due to a simple act on her part.

I'm a traitor. Her hands shook. I've betrayed them, all of them, to the Sue. I didn't mean to, but I did. I did it simply by being in this scene.

A small part of her tried to protest. If you hadn't reminded her, someone else would have. You know Sues always get their way, whether they know what it is or not.

But that doesn't change anything! I could have done something... I could've been stronger. Stronger... for them.

She thought of her little ones, surely out at the servants' house's yard, being looked after by dear old Mother. I can't go home to them now. Not knowing that their entire future has been ruined, now that the Sue will marry the Emperor. Not knowing that I'm the one who caused all the suffering they will soon experience. Her heart skipped a beat. What can I do?

The answer came before she even asked the question. End it.

Her chest ached at the thought of her children, living on without her. But it couldn't possibly be worse than being raised by the one who had brought the Sue's rule upon the kingdom. Good Mother, she thought. You would never have fallen prey to a Sue. You can care for them better than I ever could. This was her comfort as her body plunged out the window, and down sever stories.

The Sue, taking her bath and remembering her twu wub, didn't give two shits.

Quote :
"Draco is a man." She whispered to herself. Horrified, her mind began it's downward spiral once more. A man…

"Dangit, I had hoped he would be another sexy lesbian!"

Quote :
Tremors erupted, fear flashing in her eyes, "Why is that so terrifying to me?"

Rationalizing her thoughts, Gin took deep breaths. A man… "I have not seen a man… Not since my wakening. Why should I be afraid?" She straightened and wiped off her soapy shoulders. She gestured to the attendant.

A replacement attendant, of course. Everything must continue as usual, according to the Sue's desires.

Quote :
The attendant came forward with a large gold urn and upturned it and it's warm scented contents onto Gin's bowed head, efficiently rinsing her body of any extra soap. Gin stood and a towel was dabbed gently on her body. Then a heated bathrobe was placed around her shoulders as she stepped out of the bath.

Okay, a HEATED bathrobe? Aren't bathrobes, by definition, warm and comfy? I mean, coming out of warm bathwater and into cold air, you'd think any coth would feel warm enough, but not for our Sue, of course.

Quote :
Still slightly shaken, Ginevra exited the large bathroom and made her way back down the long hallway to her alcove. Her attendant followed her dutifully. As they entered the space Ginevra shed her bathrobe and walked to the vanity. Methodically the attendant rubbed creams and scented oils all over her body. As the moisturizer soaked into her skin

--carefully tenderizing and marinating it--

Quote :
the attendant set out mats and clothing. Gin dressed herself and lay on the matting. With the attendant's help, she began her stretching exercises once more.

"Mistress Ginevra, you must work harder. You aren't fully stretching your muscles. You need to make sure they don't tighten again. It would waste a whole two months training."

Ginevra sighed and let out a sharp shriek as her attendant began pushing her legs down even harder. Taking her point, Gin let out a breath and willed her muscles to stretch.

"Enough." The attendant whispered after half an hour of stretching. "Now you must sleep."

Um, is the attendant an expert dancer, too? Oh, our poor heroine would be rolling in her glass-filled grave if she knew she had given her life only to be replaced by a Sue!

Quote :
Already nodding off, Ginevra watched as the attendant moved about the room, shifting the matting and artfully placing sheets, comforters and pillows on the large comfortable Japanese-like bed. Ginevra sighed happily as the bed molded itself to her body, enveloping her in a warm cocoon of blankets.

Little did she know, the cocoon would slowly work its way around her body, restricting her airflow to the point of suffocation.

Quote :
"What time is it?"

In response, Mistress Verain's voice echoed along the hall. Through the cloth walls Gin could see the silhouettes of her classmates pausing. Many of them stretching and others, like her, in bed. "Lights out. You must all rest properly. The festival is in 2 weeks. For those of you who haven't completed their stretching, you must go into the studio and finish there. With an extra ten minutes for being off-schedule. Goodnight Ladies."

"But don't we get a bedtime story?"

"Yeah, anything to distract us from the one we're already in!"

"Look, you brats, any story I tell you would have to be written by the Suethor herself, and with our luck, they would probably involve Rapunzel getting raped and then falling in love with her rapist or some shit."

Shocked No pale Crying or Very sad Upset

"Yeah, I don't like it any better than you do."

Quote :
With a flick of her wand, Mistress Verain extinguished the lights. Gin shifted as she sensed her attendant moving about the room in the dark. "What is your name?" Gin asked her curiously.

"Luelle."

Shit, she's even got a Sue name! Quick, get the firewood, she can only be killed by fire!

Quote :
"How can you see in the dark?"

"I cast a spell Mistress." The sarcasm was evident in her voice.

A Jerk Sue? Someone help me!

Quote :
Gin grinned, "I see. Why are you working as an attendant when you are magical?"

What, so magical people can't have ordinary jobs? Look, Suethor, in the Potterverse (maybe you've heard of it?), magic is so commonplace that simply being magical gets you absolutely nowhere. Any person can have just about as lowly a job as anyone else, because any magic they can do, most anyone else can do too.

Quote :
The girl froze, her voice icy, "I didn't cast it, Mistress. My brother did."

Icy fingers gripped Gin's stomach, a feeling of dread absorbed into her very soul, "Does he work in the palace too?"

"Aye."

"What is his name?" Gin asked, her voice shaky. Something is wrong…

"Jeremiah." Luelle smirked as she saw the fear in Gin's eyes. "He wants to see you again."

DUN DUN DUN. Because we all knew that this was coming: the Suethor needs more terrible things to happen to Ginny, so she brings in the only person who's allowed to dislike her.

Of course, we have no way of knowing just how contrived Ginny's next trauma was going to be, as this fic is completely CANCELLED.

I give the fic a 1.7/5 for quality, as the grammar and spelling seem to be consistently good, but that's about all one can say about it.

And I give it a 0.8/5 for enjoyability, and that only came from the meager amount of fun I had making fun of the above quality. Most of this fic is just plain bad, with its offensive themes and obviously improvised plot.

As Mouse has pointed out, this would be less offensive if only the poor Harry Potter characters weren't dragged into it, but of course the Suethor had to do it in order to fulfill her intense need for Draco pounding her self-insert. Because that's all Ginny is in this story, a self-insert, showing us what the Suethor thinks would be great to do if she were in Ginny's shoes. Suethor has obviously put no thought into the real horror and degradation that would come from life in a harem, she just likes to schlick to the thought of Tom Felton not being able to resist raping her, and let's just hope that she's very young and will grow out of this unhealthy fantasy by the time she grows up.
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textrix

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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Tue Sep 11, 2012 6:19 pm

Quote :
Ugh, all this nonsense about how "Ginny has to come to him, or the wub isn't twu!!!11" is making me sick. She doesn't remember so much as the Emperor's name, much less why she should like him or want to like him. And now Draco is judging her love for him by how well she dances? What is this fic?

I know Satre said that hell is other people. But I'm going to laugh in his face and say that hell is this fic.

Now for some bad news. She's updated one of her other stories this year, and her profile also says this:

Quote :
Well, I'm back to writing.

- Harem might be updated in the far future, if I can think of where the plot might actually go.

which I'm pretty sure is a sign of the apocalypse.
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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:22 am

textrix wrote:
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if I can think of where the plot might actually go.

It always boggles my mind when people actually admit to that. "So I don't actually know what I'm doing. Read my story!"
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Penguin
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Wed Sep 12, 2012 11:33 pm

To be fair, a lot of TV shows do the same thing. Which is why Lost and Battlestar Galactica just started falling apart at the seams.
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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Thu Sep 13, 2012 10:30 am

But with TV shows I sort of understand, because they never know how long it's going to run. They might plan a ten-season story arc and then get the axe after two, or vice versa; it seems to me it would be harder to plan for that, no knowing whether to make ten chapters or a hundred, than for posting a story on a free-to-use website.
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textrix

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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Thu Sep 13, 2012 2:05 pm

To me it emphasizes the fact that the Suethor is merely here to create an elaborate sexual fantasy involving her self-insert and her favourite character, and then to wank over the botched, disjointed, and rotting Frankenstein-monster-corpse that is her story. Plot? Character development? Decent prose? Fuck that shit!
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bleachedblackcat
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:51 pm

Wow, I just spent hours of my life reading this. Great job on this SouthSim, though you owe me a new pillow to make up for the one soaked with tea from laughing so hard.

The start of this story I could semi-stomach by pretending that it wasn't an Harry Potter story but just a story with names like those used in Harry Potter. Sadly even that can't save my brain from turning into mush.
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