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 The Emperor's Harem

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SouthSimGal
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PostSubject: The Emperor's Harem   Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:18 am

This is another [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] entry, an abomination known as [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.], first published a few months before Half-Blood Prince came out.

The prologue is a couple paragraphs explaining that this is an alternate ending to the Harry Potter series, in which Harry lost and was killed, leaving Voldemort as the Emperor of Everything. Eventually, Voldemort died (you'd think he'd just make another Horcrux, but whatever), leaving his position to Draco Malfoy (you'd think he'd pick a more favored Death-Eater to be his heir, instead of some kid whose family had failed him, but again, whatever).

Now, as Emperor of Everything, what does Draco want? Women, of course! Because women are all a great leader could ask for. He demands a harem, and a bunch of families are sending in their daughters, hoping that they will end up in the prestigious position of one of Draco's fucktoys.

Yeah, it's another harem fic. And trust me, they lay the fetishes on THICK. But does it have any value from a story-telling point of view? Let's find out.

Quote :
Ginevra Weasley skipped out of her bedroom happily. Reaching the family room she stopped abruptly. "Mum? Dad? Why don't you look at me? Mum? Why are you crying?" Quickly Ginny ran over to her mother and tried to wipe away her tears. Her mother pushed her away and sat up.

This story follows Ginny Weasley, and boy, am I looking forward to all the in-character adventures she's sure to get up to!

Quote :
"Daughter, your father and I have decided that you are going to be sent to the Emperor's palace. You may be a little late but there is still time for you to be chosen and go through the tests." Molly's red-rimmed eyes hardened as she spoke, as if she was fully determined that this would happen to her one and only daughter.

I didn't skip anything between those quotes, by the way. Just break the news that your daughter is going to be robbed of all freedom and spend her life as a concubine before breakfast is fixed.

Quote :
"But mum, you promised me that I would never need to go to that horrible man! How you could do this to me!" Ginny said quietly but desperately to her mother.

Yes, that sounds like a very Weasley thing to say, so of course it happened long ago and will be quickly forgotten.

Quote :
"Wasn't I good enough during the war? I did everything you asked me to do, what have I done to make you stop loving me?"

"We are doing this because we love you darling." Her father said with a quiver in his voice.

"Yes, we are sending you away to live in a place you've never been, with people you've never met, to be a sex-slave to a boy you've hated all your life. BUT WE'RE DOING IT BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU."

Quote :
"Sending me because you think that I will be happy within his dark walls?" Crystalline tears began to fall from Ginny's eyes. Pure but unstoppable, they flowed down her cheeks.

"You will have friends there, daughter, I hear that Parvati and Padma are being sent as well." Molly's voice was devoid of emotion.

Because Ginny was good friends with Parvati and Padma? I seem to remember that her only female friends were Hermione and Luna... Please don't tell me they're there too!

Quote :
"Molly, maybe we should reconsider darling, we could hold it off until her 18th birthday, that would be an acceptable age. She would still be in her prime beauty years and she will still bear many children." Arthur said hurriedly.

This sounds like something Arthur Weasley would say. "Can't we keep her one more year? You know, instead of just not sending her away at all?"

Quote :
Ginny turned her head quickly to her mother, her eyes pleading silently. "No, the notices sent out were very specific about age. 17 years old. Besides, The eunuch's will be here soon, 1 hour I believe.

PFFFFFTTT. Yep, not only does Emperor Malfoy have a harem, he also has a team of eunuchs. I mean, sure, it's historically accurate, but it seems to me that Voldemort wouldn't really work that way...

Quote :
Go get changed daughter, into your best gown. That white one will do, and wash your hair with your cinnamon shampoo and conditioner. Do the shaving charm on your legs so there will be no stubble. Do everything you can to make yourself presentable to the Emperor. Remember, you must outshine everyone there

They make it sound like the harem is a beauty pageant.

Quote :
Remember, you must outshine everyone there and maybe you can make our bloodline survive, even if it is slightly tainted with Malfoy blood. We are doing this that we may live to see grandchildren that can live happily as well are you darling." Molly's tears left trails down her cheeks. With a soft sigh she took Ginny's face in her hands and their tears mingled. "Now do you understand why we are doing this my darling daughter?"

Ginny's eyes softened, "Yes mother, I will do everything I can in my power to become the Emperor's favorite. If only it is for you, father and my future children."

Wait, WHAT? The whole reason you're sending her away is to keep your BLOODLINE alive? What the hell happened to your six sons (once again, this was written before Fred got killed)? If you want grandkids enough to send your daughter away to be a sex slave, I'd think you wouldn't mind demanding your sons get busy and have some kids! This might make a bit of sense if the story bothered to add a paragraph about the Weasley boys being executed after Voldemort took over, but why would we do something like that? That would distract us from the harem fantasy and all the smut that comes with it!

Quote :
Molly and Arthur looked at their daughter with all the love they could muster in their eyes. "Your brothers would have wished for you to have a good life too darling. We know that they will look down on us all with love." Arthur said with a heavy sigh.

And that's all we get about all those silly Weasley boys. Just that they're dead. You know, Voldemort was not one to leave anyone from the family he disliked live, harem-fuel or not. Why not kill Arthur, Molly, and Ginny if you're going to all the trouble to kill the boys?

Quote :
Silently, Ginny went up to her room and took out her favorite dress. It was white and caressed her curves perfectly. It was sleeveless and the material was silky which gave the illusion that she was walking on air. There was a V-neck that showed a small amount of milky cleavage.

Milky cleavage? What, is she lactating? I don't think Draco wants any of that...

Quote :
It was a full-length dress and hid her strappy white heels that went with the dress. Her shining auburn-red hair contrasted beautifully with it and would definitely make her stand out a bit more than any other girls there. Provided of course, that none of them had red hair. She slipped into the shower and slowly squared her shoulders as she prepared herself. She promised herself silently this: As long as I breathe, I will do whatever it takes to make my parents proud, my brothers proud and myself proud.

Yes, your late brothers would be so proud of you for demeaning yourself to the point of slavery. Awwwww...

Quote :
The carriage arrived soon afterwards and a beautiful Ginevra Weasley said a graceful goodbye to her parents and stepped into the carriage, a shining dream, even the eunuch's were sure that this girl would get into the harem quite easily, but none could miss the one stray tear that fell from her eyes, shinning in the afternoon sun.

Oh, so it's alright for Ginny to show her emotions, as long as she does it in the most BOOTIFUL WAY POSSIBLE.

Quote :
Her parents stood in front of their burned out house and watched the carriage take away their one last joy in life.

"You think we should tell her this was an April Fool's joke?"

"Naw, let's wait till she gets to the palace, then all jump out at her. We can bring the boys too, and tell her they're not really dead."

Quote :
They looked at the carriage and strained to see their daughter's lovely face once more. When it finally disappeared, Molly looked at Arthur and slowly they walked into their house, shells of what they been just moments before. The great Weasley spirit had been broken in them. All that was left was in their daughter, Ginevra Molly Weasley.

"My spirit is so broken from that decision I made!"

"I know, it's just so heartbreaking when we make choices like this!"

Quote :
Please R/R I need at least 5 Reviews for me to keep going

Because all good writers need to hold their fics hostage!

Anyway, on the Pottersues entry, some users were talking about whether this was a sexist story or whether it was harmless. What do you guys think?

I'm pretty sure this story was written by a woman, so I doubt it's deliberately demeaning women, but the author clearly doesn't care about portraying any of the strong female characters as themselves, simply because that would ruin the slavery kink. It's disgusting and stupid, yes, but malicious, no. At least, that's my opinion. I'd love to hear yours.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Sun Jul 15, 2012 6:04 pm

SouthSimGal wrote:
I'm pretty sure this story was written by a woman, so I doubt it's deliberately demeaning women, but the author clearly doesn't care about portraying any of the strong female characters as themselves, simply because that would ruin the slavery kink. It's disgusting and stupid, yes, but malicious, no. At least, that's my opinion. I'd love to hear yours.

Don't be too sure on the not deliberately demeaning women part. As many feminists will tell you, frequently the most ardent defenders of the patriarchy are other women. Take for example, Phyllis Schaffly who has made a career out of saying that women shouldn't have careers and never seems to have a decent response when people call her on her BS. I have a feeling that the author might be the type into harem fantasies and naturally, having only read harem fantasies, doesn't really know what it's like to be at the mercy of a man who wields almost absolute power over not only your life, but the lives of your family members as well. I'm picturing the writer as being like Serena Joy from The Handmaid's Tale. For those who haven't read that novel, Serena Joy is a televangelist who advocates for the extreme patriarchal society in the novel, only to discover just how much this so-called ideal society sucks. I imagine if this author was in a situation similar to Ginny Weasley, she'd quickly realize that harem fantasies aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Still in an attempt to be a little less negative, it's nice for once to see a fic that doesn't treat Ginny Weasley like the Whore of Babylon.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Sun Jul 15, 2012 6:33 pm

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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Thu Jul 19, 2012 10:17 pm

So, Ginny is on her way to the palace to try out for the cheerleading squad harem!

Quote :
Ginny looked at the man across from her. "So, why is it that the Emperor lets men tend his women?" Gin said quite frankly.

"Let's just say this shall we, Mistress Ginevra, that we are not considered men anymore." The eunuch said with a slight smile.

This... sentence. Emperor Draco, why bother castrating men just to have servants for your women? You might as well save some time on surgical procedures by hiring female servants. You can't even guarantee safety for your women, because they can always get molested, even if they can't get penetrated with an penis.

Plus, let me remind you that Ginny is 17 in this fic, therefore no more than 3 years have passed since the ending of the 5th book, the earliest point where this story could've started, and the author has not told us how long Voldemort was in power before he died. Let's just say Draco has been in charge for 3 years. And he already has a gigantic palace with servants and eunuchs?

Quote :
Ginevra blushed and stuttered for a while, "Well, what is your name then? You must have one of those."

"Because you certainly don't have two of a certain something HURR HURR." Why is Ginny blushing? If she didn't know what a eunuch was, I doubt that would have explained it to her, and if she did know, why would she ask that question?

Quote :
The eunuch smiled and bowed as best he could while sitting on velvet-lined seat, "My name is Jeremiah. I have served milord since the beginning of his reign a year ago."

Okay, so it was Draco's idea to get the eunuchs, not Voldemorts. I guess he wanted to surround himself with men that were even girlier than him?

Quote :
Ginny sighed and looked out of the window, "How are my chances of getting into the harem, sir Jeremiah, if you would be so good as to tell me, It would be very much appreciated."

Jeremiah could tell that she was trying to be as lighthearted as she could and so decided to answer in a way that he had not answered the other girls. "Methinks that you actually stand a good chance. Milord prefers exotic looking women, also ones that have good fashion sense and don't wear tacky clothes

This sparked an idea of mine: Draco is flamboyantly gay, and doesn't actually want women for a harem; he just wants a gal-friend that he can talk fashion and boys with. What fun!

Quote :
and he likes a woman with a good head on her shoulders.

Yes, because a harem full of strong, smart, confident women is the best kind of harem. It's much more fun to molest and rape a girl who's got a brain and always speaks her mind.

Quote :
Yet, I can't really tell what other qualities there are that he looks for. Milord is an unpredictable man."

Gin smiled grimly, "I have heard that said many times, what does it mean when they said that he is an unpredictable man?"

Ummm, how about what he just told you? Y'know, about how no one knows exactly what he likes? Also, dafuq is "Gin?" Is a bottle of alchohol the one speaking?

Quote :
Jeremiah shifted uncomfortably in his seat, suddenly the carriage came to a stop and Jeremiah gave a relieved sigh, "We have arrived at the harem,

Oh, I didn't realize that the harem was a place; I thought it was a group of women. Silly me!

Quote :
you will now be required to do whatever you are instructed to do by any of those wearing clothing that is similar to mine, you will be assigned to beauty perfectionists and they will help you prepare for when you have your meeting with the emperor. You will not meet him personally, but you will meet him within a crowd of women and if he singles you out then you have been chosen to join his harem. Then he may call on you whenever he wishes and you must do whatever he wants with you these are called tests.

"And whatever you do never use commas! The poor emperor was bitten by one as a child and now demands that we all speak in long rambling sentences without any pauses for breath or emphasis! :gasp:"

Quote :
Any disobedience will be rewarded with a night in the soldier's barracks and you will be forced to do whatever they want you to do." Having finished Jeremiah opened the door formally and as Ginevra stepped out he smiled encouragingly quickly and got into the carriage and left.

How lovely; I wonder if Molly and Arthur ever thought about that before sending her off. I mean, being raped by the EMPEROR is one thing, but COMMON SOLDIERS? They'd shudder at the very thought!

Quote :
Ginevra looked around and stepped tentatively up onto the grand porch. An older man appeared at the doorway and ushered her in. He turned her around and checked her body, squeezed her stomach and checked her teeth. He smiled in approval and asked a simple question that made Ginevra blush but she answered quietly with dignity. "I have my monthly times regularly, every month the second week. It ends after 7 days."

Okay, why do you want to know about when her periods occur? I guess you'd want to know how often to see if she's fertile, but why know what time of the month?

Quote :
The man nodded in approval, "You will bear many children. That is very good quality that his majesty looks for.

Oh, so it's like palm-reading. He just needs to know when your period starts and how long it lasts, and he can determine how many children you'll have, whether you'll have a happy marriage, how long you'll live, etc.

Quote :
What is your full name mistress?"

Ginny's swallowed once again, "Ginevra Molly Weasley, sir."

The man's eyes widened, "You are polite, good.

"You're one-time use of the word 'sir' has notified me of that. And oh shit I used a comma! Emperor have mercy! NOOOOOOOO!"

And Draco had the eunuch beheaded for use of the Punctuation-Mark-That-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Quote :
Molly is your last name? That is too plain for such a beauty as you!

"You should have an meaningful name; how about Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way?"

Quote :
No, forget it, now we shall all refer to you as Miss Ginevra. I have heard of the Weasley's, the women are prone to giving birth to many boys haven't they? That is very good. Now listen, there are many different stages in the harem.

I didn't realize Emperor Draco had a thing for theatrical settings.

"Oh, no punishment for using commas? I suppose the emperor doesn't have his spies watching us today. I'll just be speaking in the normal fashion for the rest of this conversation, if you don't mind."

Quote :
When you first come in, you will be addressed as Miss.

"Ah, what a relief it is to have pauses for breath in the middle of my sentences-- Emperor?!"

"You bastard! How dare you use that wretched punctuation after what it has done to me!"

"Look, it was just a wild punctuation mark; the ones we use in sentences are perfectly domesticated and calm. Besides, the incident wasn't so bad..."

"I HAVE THE SCARS FROM THAT DAY! See for yourself!"

"I've told you a million times, I can't see any scars there, and it was just a little nip."

"THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT DIDN'T HURT!"

"You're letting your fear of one comma cloud your judgement of all the other commas!"

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK THAT NAME! I told you never to utter the title of that disgusting species again. Now leave my palace and never come back! I will now summon another one of my bountiful eunuchs to finish this info dump. 'Bye."

That's the only way to explain this constant lapse in and out of proper grammar that I can think of. Any other theories?

Quote :
If you pass the test you will be referred to as Mistress.

"Ah the sweet sweet sound of unpausing lines of dialogue!"

Quote :
Then if the Emperor looks on you in favor you are referred to as Madame. Do you understand? That is how you can tell the different stations of women here. I have a feeling about you though. Maybe a little special treatment won't do you any harm." The little man bustled around and ran a bell.

Ginevra stood a little straighter, "Special treatment sir?"

The man stopped and tapped his foot in vexation, "Where are those women? Hmm, what? Oh yes, Milord told me that if I found anyone that looked or sounded anything special then I may give her special treatment. Haven't found anyone yet, until you. There is something about you that grabbed my attention."

"Maybe it was the fact that you were only here out of pure OOC-ness."

Quote :
Just then 10 women walked up to the man and curtsied deeply. "This is the girl you are to look after. Her name is Miss Ginevra. Give her the best of everything, clothes, make-up, workouts and the best healthy food. We can't have her getting too plump. Don't let her get too skinny either. Balance her meals very carefully and make sure she eats everything. Her workouts must not be too intense; she must maintain her soft flesh but make sure that she isn't too soft or else wise it will seem flabby. Make sure that she also learns good courtroom etiquette and dancing techniques."

One woman stepped forward and curtsied to Ginny once more, "Miss Ginevra, please come with us, we will take good care of you."

:sigh: This is such an overly fetishized version of life in a harem. I'll admit it; this fic has squicked me out, and we haven't even had a sex scene yet. The idea of a strong woman like Ginny resorting to using her body for wealth and status is just frightening to me. Being part of a harem may just be the most degrading position any human can be in, and the way it's glorified here almost makes me sick. Ginny has hardly arrived at the palace, and she already has been stripped of all personality in order to fit the submissive, weak, only-wants-attention mold that harem fantasies are built off of.

Snip some descriptions of the palace and the maids wanting to give Ginny a bath.

Quote :
"Miss Ginevra, there are specific smells that we are designing right now for you and we need you to soak in the bath just to make sure that you absorb the scents well. We also are going to make different parts of your body smell like different things. We are sure that it would drive Milord crazy.

Okay, so her toes will smell like lemons, her legs like maple syrup, her armpits like cherry-cola, her neck like bubblegum. That sounds... titillating.
Quote :
You are a beautiful woman Miss Ginevra and we plan on making sure that you are even more so by the time we are finished with you."

"Normally Milord doesn't bother listening in on our conversations but we try to avoid you-know-whats when we speak too. :gasp: It's just a good habit to get into when you live in the palace."

Quote :
Ginevra sighed but let them do what they wanted with her.

This sentence sums up Ginny's character throughout the whole fic.

Snip the rest of her bath and a generous helping of costume porn when her maids bring her a new dress.

Quote :
They then instructed her in the art of ballroom dancing and courtroom manners. She stumbled through the first few steps and slowly with an inborn grace began to dance properly. She had almost broken a few of her maid's toes but eventually she managed to learn. Then she had to sit at a table and learned which fork to use first, which knife was used for cutting what and all that sort of thing.

The entire description of learning how to act in court takes up less space than the description of her pretty dress. Be concerned, ladies and gentlemen.

Quote :
Suddenly the maids all stood as one and ushered her out of the door. Walking down a silent corridor Ginevra suddenly realized that this was it. She was about to come face to face with the Emperor himself. There was already quite a group of women who were being ushered by one or two maids into a large ballroom. Some looked at her curiously others in jealousy; they only had one or two attendants, why did this stranger get 10? Her clothes were definitely made of the finest silk as well. Who was this woman?

Naturally, Sue-ified Ginny gets more servants and higher privileges than anyone else. Otherwise, there would be no way to show everyone how BESHUL she is.

Quote :
Ginevra looked at the other woman nervously, outwardly she was regal and sure of herself but inside she was screaming bloody murder. Each of these women were beautiful, with seemingly flawless skin, hair, everything was perfect.

Oh, of course, Ginny has to be so INSECURE and CONCERNED that she isn't pretty as everyone else; because women who aren't self-conscious about their appearance are stuck-up and teh ebils. Plus, if she knew how SUPERNATURALLY GORGEOUS she was, then she wouldn't be able to have a huge moment of realization of this fact when Draco oh-so-generously decides to rape her.

Quote :
Everything that Ginevra had envied and wanted for herself for many years, suddenly she doubted herself and began to look down.

Wait, what is everything she wanted? Money? Status? Friends? To be a member of a royal family? What?

Quote :
She felt a pinch on her elbow and her attendants looked at her encouragingly.

Her attendants are actually munchkins.

Quote :
The huge mahogany doors opened slowly and there was sudden silence. The maids exited through the doors and shut them behind them. His majesty the Emperor Draco Malfoy had entered.

He had chiseled features and his platinum blonde locks fell enticingly across his face. He had a lithe but strong build. Overall good looking, Ginevra thought detatachedly.

Detachedly? Is that even a word?

Also, Ginny has seen Draco before, and she hates him. I know she's trying to please her parents by marrying him or whatever, but we have access to her thoughts, so can't we get some mention of how awful he's been to her in the past, and how much she wishes she didn't have to attempt to impress him?

Quote :
He walked passed each woman, slowly with deliberate and precise movements. He was just about to walk back to the doors when he caught sight of a flash of auburn red hair. He turned once more. He stepped into the crowd and felt his voice catch in his throat. In front of him was a vision of fiery hair, milky flesh and delicate freckles that were spread enticingly all over her body. Her full lips were slightly parted and her chocolate eyes looked right into his own ice kissed eyes. "Ginevra Weasley." Draco said with a graceful smirk. "I would have never thought to see you here. Step forward little Weasel, lets have a look at you."

HAHA HE CALLED HER A LITTLE WEASEL, HOW ENDEARING; I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE THESE TWO HAVE A DEEP, MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP.

Also, if this were canon, the conversation would go a little like this:

Draco: "Urgh, Weasley, what are YOU doing here? I thought I told the eunuchs to keep out all the trash. Take her away! Next!

Ginny: "I couldn't be gladder to leave!" :glares and gladly leaves, going home to her loving family:

Quote :
Willingly, Ginevra mustered her strength and looked up from his hypnotic gaze. She stepped detachedly through the crowd of women and up towards His Majesty, Draco Malfoy. She could feel his eyes looking her up and down, could feel his gaze burning through her dress.

Draco is secretly from the planet Krypton; he's currently using his x-ray eyes to see through her clothes.

Quote :
She blushed a slight scarlet and she could see him smirk amusedly. "Come little one, we don't have all day."

Knowing these two are going to be a couple, it's somewhat sickening to hear him refer to her as "little one." I know they're only a year apart, but still...

Quote :
She stepped forward and slid into a deep and graceful curtsey. He drew her up and circled her like a hawk, his eyes taking in every freckle, missing nothing. His slid his hands into her hair and inhaled, she smelled like cinnamon and roses.

Because in order to find out if she is suitable for his harem, Draco must smell her hair. Shut up, it's standard proccedure.

Quote :
Her milky skin was smooth to the touch and was a beautiful contrast with her hair and dress. She was perfect. He slid his hands down her neck and skimmed over her breasts, they were small but they were delicate and they matched her. He could feel the heat rush to her face. His hands moved of their own will to her stomach and he pulled her into him and the curve of her body matched his perfectly.

This really reads like something pedophilic. I feel gross just copy-pasting it.

Quote :
"You are going to be part of my harem, little Weasel and you are going to serve my every whim. Would you like that?" He could feel her take in a deep breath.

"Yes Milord, very much so." She whispered. She was scared, good. He thought with a smirk. She should be.

Excuse me while I Sorry, too late. I'm terrified that people are reading this and giving it good reviews. How could something so degrading, not only to Ginny herself, but to women in general, be so well-loved in a fanfiction community mainly composed of teenage girls? It makes me weep at the thought.

Quote :
"Walk to the front of the hall and stand at the doors." He said to her and he dropped a sensuous kiss on her shoulder. Her muscles contracted and he caught her hand in mid-air.

Wait, she tried to hit him for kissing her on the shoulder? So, telling her that he's going to keep her for a sex-slave and feeling her up is one thing, but kissing her is quite another?

Quote :
"Never try to slap me little Weasel, or you will be spending three nights with my soldiers. Do you understand me?" Draco said with steel in his voice.

"Yes Milord." Ginevra said calmly. He could sense the rebellion in her voice. He would break her of it later.

What rebellion? Ginny said in the first chapter that she was perfectly willing to do all of this to please her family, but all of a sudden she's refusing to debase herself? Keep a consistent characterization, author!

Quote :
Now he would examine the situation at hand. Draco watched her walk gracefully across the hall and up the stairs. Why had she shown up in his halls, he had never thought to see her again after Hogwarts had been destroyed.

No more details on how Hogwarts was destroyed or what kind of anarchy might have arisen because of it, just the fact that it is now gone.

Quote :
Slowly he walked down the hall and picked out some more women. Out of 128 women he had only chosen 15.

Hardly any of them could compare after the Sue-tiful Ginny had made love to his eyes by appearing.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Thu Jul 19, 2012 10:34 pm

I've already said what I felt earlier so I won't waste too much time rehashing it, but why make this a Harry Potter fanfic at all? I'm not judging the writer for having harem fantasies, Rule 34 and all, but if she wanedt to put them in writing, why not just make them straight up original fic and post to some website devoted to Harem fiction? That way the writer wouldn't have to warp canon characters beyond recognition. Besides given that 95% of the Internet is devoted to porn, it wouldn't be too hard to find an archive that houses Harem fantasies.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:13 pm

No one reads original fic, didn't you know?
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Tue Jul 31, 2012 12:26 am

Quote :
Chapter 3 Meetings and Tests

More tests! Yey!

Quote :
Gin waited at the head of the ballroom and stared back at the envious glances that the other women gave her.

I'm sure many women have great reason to be jealous of a bottle of an alchoholic beverage. That's one thing that bothers me here. The characters all call Ginny Ginevra, and Ginny calls herself Gin. What's wrong with the nickname Ginny?

Quote :
Some other very beautiful women soon joined her and after looking at each one, she gasped and held out her arms to a pretty brunette, "Padma? Is that you?"

The girl turned and gasped, "Ginny? I haven't seen you in ages!" They both embraced and when the pulled away there were tears on both girls flawless cheeks. "Were you forced to come?"

"Yes and no." Gin said quietly. "What about you?"

"Forced, my parents wouldn't give me a reason, they just shoved me into the carriage and told me where I was going." Padma said with a sigh

Oh, how heartbreaking to be forced into sex slavery by those that you care for the most, and who are meant to be taking care of you. What a terrible situation to be in! I sure hope Ginny and Padma can both give each other the comfort they need...

Quote :
"I needed to get away from them anyways. Besides, I enjoy it here. I have 5 attendants, some of the girls got really jealous!"

Gin smiled, "Special treatment? I have 10!"

And that's it. No more conflict. Just, "I got sold into slavery by my parents. LOL I GET SERVANTS." I'm sure that would be the suethor's reaction to being forced to cater to the sexual whims of a man she doesn't know for the rest of her life.

Quote :
Padma grinned back cheekily, "No, the old man told me I was special, but not special enough. For a while I was mad but then realized that maybe that was a good thing."

Both of them turned and stared at their new overlord, "What do you think of him? Of what he might make us do, or what he will do to us!" Padma whispered.

"WHAAAAAAAT? NO WAI. Padma, you silly goose, everyone knows there's nothing demeaning about being a member of a harem!"

Quote :
The other women who had been chosen came over and joined their conversation as soon as they heard what they had been talking about. A pretty Asian girl with the delicate features of her race, raven black hair and sparkling blue eyes

Oh boy, a blue-eyed Asian! I'm sure this character will be one speshul snowflake! Yes, I know it's not unheard of, but neither are violet eyes, and those are a sure Sue-indication.

Quote :
"My name is Ai. It means Love in Chinese. It's a pleasure to meet both of you." Ai curtsied and then stepped away.

Gin smiled graciously and pulled her back, "My name is Ginevra and this is Padma. How did you get into this mess?"

Ai's sparkling eyes dimmed slightly, "My father is from an old Chinese family and he believes in upholding traditions. Even when we moved from China to London when I was 6, he had arranged a marriage for me. After the war, he heard that there was an Emperor of sorts, he upheld 'tradition' and sent me with several of my servants to the palace immediately. He expected that I would nothing less than a concubine but he didn't care, as long as I was accepted into the Emperor's palace and stayed there. He was overjoyed when the Emperor sent eunuchs to escort me there, the Emperor in China would do that in ancient days to the men who looked after his women." Here Ai smiled, "So as soon as the Emperor heard that there was still such a family as mine I was given 5 attendants and told that I would be selected. He was pleased when he found me attractive as well."

YES, ALL OLD CHINESE FAMILIES HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT SENDING THEIR DAUGHTERS AWAY TO HAVE SEX WITH STRANGERS. IT'S TRADITION, DIDN'CHA KNOW?

Quote :
"You mean you have already talked to him personally?" A girl with large doe-brown eyes said. She came over and grinned, "Hey, I'm from the states.

And now we have an American. It's great to know that Suethors have started integrating their Sue-cieties. Now little girls of all races can hope to grow up and be a Sue!

Quote :
My name is Stacie, I was sent by my parents. They are ambassadors so I was treated better than most. I play Quidditch, Seeker. Milord told me that that was one of the reasons why he chose me." Gin looked closer at her and could see that Stacie did have the slight build of a seeker.

In case you're looking forward to these characters getting fleshed out, SPOILER ALERT: they never are. These shat-out backstories are all we learn about them. We don't even get to read smut about them, they just exist for the purpose of giving Ginny someone to be better than.

Quote :
"I was told that Milord has very strange taste. I think he does! A redhead, a traditional Chinese girl and seeker! Why are you here Padma?"

Padma shrugged, "Milord enjoyed my singing voice back in Hogwarts when I did a solo during a Ball. He mentioned it when he told me to come up here and join you."

What? He heard her singing at a ball in Hogwarts? The only ball Hogwarts ever had was the Yule Ball, and we clearly saw that Padma didn't sing at any point.

Quote :
Ai nodded emphatically, "Yes, Milord told me that he would like me to play the Guzheng for him whenever he asks me."

Stacie looked puzzled, "Guzheng? What on earth is that?"

Ai smiled once again, showing her perfect white teeth, "It is a Chinese string instrument. I don't think it looks like anything you guys have here in London. When we go into the Harem I will be very happy to play for all of you!"

Gin smiled at Ai's eagerness, "We'd love to hear you play Ai."

So, Draco picks women to be in his harem based on their musical ability. Look, Draco, you can just form a girl band if you want cute girls to play music for you, you don't have to pretend to want a harem!

Quote :
Suddenly the women fell silent and Gin saw that Draco had come once again over to them and was mingling with his chosen women while the rest of the unchosen left. Ginevra tried to put as much distance between her and him as she could. He was talking to Ai and bent to kiss her cheek. Ai had paled slightly, but had retained her inner peace

GEDDIT? 'CAUSE SHE'S CHINESE AND THEY CARE ABOUT INNER PEACE AND SHIT.

Quote :
and smiled gracefully in return. Draco smirked and whispered something in her ear; Ai looked shocked and watched him turn to converse with Padma. Ai's eyes narrowed but she looked away and started a conversation with Stacie. Gin wove her way through the small crowd and joined Ai and Stacie.

"He told me that I was going to be the first that he was going to take in. What is that supposed to mean?" Ai was saying hurriedly to Stacie. Gin took Ai's hand and held it between her own comfortingly.

Ai, do you even know what a harem is? What else would he mean by "taking you in?" WOMEN GETTING SEX WHEN THEY DON'T EXPECT IT IS SO ROMANTIC, GAIZ.

Quote :
"It's alright Ai, I'm sure it means nothing. Besides I knew Draco from Hogwarts, he is all talk and show." Gin stiffened when she saw Ai and Stacie's eyes widen. She felt hot breath in her ear and heard a soft voice in her ear.

"All talk and show? Am I really? Well I guess my first choice is now you Ginevra, can't have you saying such things to my other lovely women."

"Yes, how dare you try to characterize me according to canon! I will just have to correct that assumption."

Quote :
Sensuously Draco licked Ginevra's ear

Ewwwwww.... how is that sexy?

Quote :
and trailed soft kisses down her neck and to her shoulder where he nipped her perfect skin and drew a small amount of blood

It's vampire!Draco! Everybody, get out while you can, before he starts sparkling!

Quote :
he could feel her tense and her muscles strained in revulsion and pleasure against his touch

ALL WOMEN LOVE GETTING BITTEN UNTIL THEY BLEED, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'VE SHOWN ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN YOU WHATSOEVER.

Quote :
he continued. He licked some of her blood and enjoyed the salty sweet taste of it and then he lifted his mouth to her ear once more. "This isn't' the last you have heard of me, Mistress Ginevra."

"I'll get ya, ya wascally wabbit!"

Quote :
He opened them and all the maids stood at attention.

"Each of you has been chosen because of your talents and your beauty. Now you are under the charge of these women. You are going to go through a series of tests from me so I suggest that you maintain your skills and your beauty for as long as the tests go on. If you succeed these tests, all you will need to do is bear my children

"JUST THAT?! Wow, Emperor, I thought you were going to make us do something really demeaning, like actually develop personalities!"

Quote :
and," Draco's lips curled in a gloating manner, "Attend to my personal pleasure. You are now going to meet the other women of my Harem. Under no circumstance are you to converse with any men who are not eunuchs unless I give you clear orders to pleasure one of my friends. Is this understood my Mistresses?" After he had seen that each and every one of them had nodded he continued. "Each and every one of you are now a part of the most exotic and beautiful collection of women in the world, so I expect you to maintain that title and to make sure that you do not disgrace me as that would be a criminal offense. Now go and make yourselves comfortable." With that he turned and waved to the maids and he made his way up one of the sweeping majestic staircases and down and dark corridor.

As soon as he was gone there was a collective sigh. The women looked at each other and smiled tentatively. Each turned and were collected by the maids. The maids counted out how many girls there were

So that they knew how much Zyclon B to use in the gassing chamber.

Quote :
and then dispersed according to the way it had been before. Ginevra now had 260 maids at her beck and call.

DAFUQ? How many maids does Emperor Draco have? Do all the maids in the castle have nothing better to do than fetch sodas for his concubines? And what do you do with 260 maids, anyway?

"You 20, make my bed. You 40, dust my chambers. You 10, go grab me some food. 15 of you, fluff my pillows. 100 of you, redecorate the palace with a more interesting color scheme. You 5, paint my toenails. 10 of you, build a human pyramid while all the rest do cartwheels around it. Now chop, chop, you don't have all day!

Quote :
They were all pulled along the corridor and into a new wing. Here it was decorated very tastefully, with pictures of women bathing, getting dressed and playing music. The maids pulled open some doors and the women gasped at what they saw inside.

It was a huge open room, parts of it were covered in large cushions and large rugs, and bookshelves were everywhere. Large open steaming baths were scattered all around. There was a small Quidditch pitch on one side and yet another had desks with paper, pens, pastels and clay, everything an artist could wish for. It had large working out machines and devices that could help you tone different parts of your body. Yet another space held different toys and games that the women could amuse themselves with.

Basically, it's a really swanky gym.

Quote :
The space that caught Ginevra's eye the most was the place that held children; and in each and every one of them there was a hint of platinum blond hair and flashing silver eyes. The children's area was large and held everything the children could want. The children were all under one year old, but that was only proper, as the Emperor had only begun his reign a year ago. Yet there were already quite a few children, Gin could see there were about 10 of them.

Well gee, Draco's been busy this past year. Seriously, how does he have time to manage the country if he's always impregnating women?

Quote :
However, what made this place a haven for men, was the moderate amount of scattered beautiful women. They were everywhere, playing the children,

"I'm really good at playing the children. If you like, I can teach you how. Here, you push their belly button REALLY hard and they make the most beautiful of noises!"

Quote :
some playing instruments, some bathing, others were painting and still others will giggling and playing games with each other. All of them were clad in expensive clothing and every one of them looked like they had fallen from heaven and landed in this haven for angels. They had looked up when the newcomers came in and wandered over. One of set her book down and got up from a cushion and walked over to Ginevra and all but ran her over in her happiness.

"Hermione?" Ginevra stammered.

FUCK. NO.

Quote :
She looked Hermione over and saw that she looked gorgeous; she even seemed to be glowing.

NO. Suethor, go to your corner and think about what you just did. Hermione does not belong in a harem. She does not belong anywhere near one. Draco would never allow anything less than a pureblood to come near his precious loins, and here we have a Muggle-born witch that he absolutely hates, and he voluntarily takes her in to have sex with her. YOU CANNOT GET AWAY WITH THIS.

Quote :
She gasped again when she saw behind Hermione a little boy with brown hair and piercing grey eyes. Hermione blushed and pushed him forward, "Davis, say hello to Ginevra."

AND SHE HAS DRACO-SPAWN. I hate this Suethor. She needs death. She needs to understand the pain that comes from the character assassination that she just bestowed upon both Draco and Hermione.

Quote :
Gin stared at Hermione, devastated. "No, not you too Herm! I thought you were married to Ron!"

Wait. Ginny knows that all of her brothers are dead. She said as much in the first chapter. So why is she surprised that Hermione isn't with Ron? And if she was in good enough touch with Ron to know when he died, why didn't she know that Hermione was in the harem?

Quote :
Hermione shrugged and pushed her little boy over to the children's area after giving him a kiss on the cheek, "I was caught during the war and given to Milord.

Hermione would DIE before she called Draco "Milord." And she would never say she had been "given" to someone, she'd say she'd been kidnapped, because she has enough self-respect not to refer to herself like an object.

Quote :
He treated me well enough and as soon as the Harem was built Davis and I were the first inhabitants. Davis is 2, the eldest here. Oh, by the way, my station is Mistress Hermione. Same as you."

Gin smiled weakly but her maids quickly pushed her away with apologies to Hermione. One stood forward, "Mistress Ginevra needs to relax for a while." Her maids went away to prepare her rooms while three stayed and stripped her of her clothes and helped her slip into one of the many baths that were sunk into the floor of the Harem, soon she was clad only in a white, now see through shift.

Women wearing actual clothes? Pffft, not in this fic.

Quote :
Slowly Gin felt her muscles relax, her maids twittered and massaged her back softly. Suddenly they stopped and Gin muttered angrily. A pair of hands descended on her back and began to massage her once more. Unwittingly, Ginevra leaned into the touch.

You all know where this is going.

Quote :
The hands moved in slow circles and there was a splash in the water. Draco slid into the water and looked at the redhead with an amused smile. "I take it you like my massages?"

Wait, why did Draco go into the water? Ginny isn't in the water, she's wearing a dress. Does he just really like hot tubs?

Quote :
Ginevra turned red and moved quickly away from him. He smirked, "No Ginevra, this is your first test. Come closer to me and sit on my lap."

I've read enough smut to know where this is going. There's going to be an unexpected bump in the road, and then-- wait, they're not on the road, they're in a hot tub. Where is this going?

Quote :
Ginevra moved slowly and realized that he was clad in a crisp white shirt and regular black suit pants.

And he got into the water with that on? Why?

Quote :
She slipped over and sat down on his lap as slowly as she possibly could, gulping as she felt his arousal but chose to ignore it and shifted uncomfortably on his lap. His eyes turned darker, "I wouldn't do that Ginevra darling."

Um, aren't you supposed to like it when she moves around? It's gotta be better than her just sitting on it.

Quote :
Slowly his hands began to knead her scalp, loving the feel of her silky strands in his fingers. Gin had begun to relax once more and leaned against his strong chest. He stopped abruptly and turned her around. "Undo my shirt Ginevra, it is getting cumbersome."

With trembling hands she undid each button, as if they would bite her every time she touched them. Draco began to nip at her soft hollow that she called a throat

Her throat is a hollow? Shouldn't it be more of a tube?

Quote :
and her lovely shoulders, getting more and more aroused by the minute. Soon he began to bite harder and harder. While she took off his shirt he slid her shift up over her legs and groaned in his throat as long and slim milky legs were exposed. He ripped it open and felt Ginevra gasp. She moved her hands to try and cover her nakedness but it only aroused him more. "Continue to undo my shirt Ginevra. The feel of skin on skin is very comforting indeed and will help you relax quicker." His tone was light but his eyes betrayed his lust.

Gin cursed her hands but they moved of their own accord, answering to his wishes. His shirt finally slipped off and drifted in the hot water, forgotten. Her pulled her towards him and groaned at the feel of her soft breasts on his chest. He rained kisses on her neck and shoulders and moved up to her lips.

Wow, this is such nice smut. It sure makes me forget that Ginny has no feelings for this man, has been forced to see him, and will likely spend the rest of her life as a slave to him. Oh wait, NOTHING CAN DO THAT BECAUSE I'M NOT DORY FROM FINDING NEMO.

Quote :
Tears. He looked up into her eyes and saw that they were glistening. Her shoulders and neck had little red marks, they were bleeding freely and the water around her was turning a faint pink.

THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP SINCE ANNE AND CHRISTIAN. LET ME READ MORE OF THIS ROMANTIC AMBROSIA!

Quote :
Draco sighed; he had not realized that he had gotten so rough with her. Softly he kissed each and every one of her wounds as softly as he could and her tears stopped their flow. He felt hesitant lips upon his neck and he moaned out loud.

Awwww, see, it's okay to injure your sexual partner as long as you regret it and kiss it all better!

Quote :
He stood in a sudden motion. Dripping water down his chiseled chest, "That will be all for now Ginevra." With that he got out of the pool and summoned her maids. "Tend to her wounds and make sure she gets a good night sleep. Try aromatherapy, that should soothe her."

"Yes sir, but what will the other 200 of us do all night?"

Quote :
He gave her one last lingering kiss on her lips and stared at her with dark silver eyes. Her hair had spread out into the water and he had never been so tempted to make love to her than he had before. Her milky flesh was begging to be caressed and loved. "No man is to touch her, except for me." With that he picked his shirt out of the water and left.

And no harem fantasy would be complete without possessiveness.

Snip Ginny being confused, going to her room, and gushing about how it's so luxurious that it makes her forget that she will never see her family again.

Quote :
One of the prettier maids came up to her and curtsied, "I am your head serving woman. My name is Jennifer; if you feel that you need anything please don't hesitate to call me. Now, come Mistress Ginevra we need to tend to your cuts and we are going to give you aromatherapy just as the Emperor suggested."

"The other 259 of us are going to turn in for the night."

Quote :
Jen beckoned to her and gently ushered her into the bathroom where she was sat down at an enormous vanity table that was the size of her bed. On it there was a huge collection of makeup and perfumes. Four maids hurried in and each pick up a jar of expensive looking cream off the vanity table. Slowly they massaged the cream into her cuts and Gin watched as her wounds magically knit themselves together leaving her skin as flawless as it was before. She raised an eyebrow enquiringly at the nearest maid.

"We have a lot of this cream Mistress Ginevra, Milord tends to get a little," Here the maid paused, "rough with his women."

Well that's comforting. Now Ginny knows that she will not only be raped, but brutalized as well.

Quote :
Gin nodded dumbly. Her maids continued to cleanse and heal her wounds. After they had done they helped her changed into a beautiful peach colored spaghetti strap nightgown that ended a few inches above her knees. Gin blushed, it was indecent but it would be all right for sleeping in. She slipped into her bed, which was covered in 800 thread Egyptian silk sheets with a sigh. Heaven. Her maids had begun to burn the candles and the enticing scents began to lull her to sleep. Slowly she fell into a deep and satisfying sleep, dreaming of citrus', cinnamon and peaches.

All those details served so much purpose in the story, I think I might cry.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Tue Jul 31, 2012 12:42 am

Seriously, this really wouldn't be so horrible were it not for the fact that it has nothing to do whatsoever with the Harry Potter characters we know and love. If the names were changed to Jack and Jill, it'd still work as semi-decent smut and I'm fairly certain there are harem fic archives that'd be willing to host this fic.

Oh and when they mentioned the Chinese girl, I thought she'd turn out to be Cho Chang, but then again, I forget: according to the fandom, Cho is Slutty McWhorepants aka Worse than Hitler. No way would a suethor write anything that showed her in a remotely positive fashion even though her crimes mostly consisting of crying over her brutally murdered boyfriend.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Tue Aug 07, 2012 11:11 pm

Quote :
Chapter 5: Next Day Part I

A chapter called "the next day" just bothers me for some reason.

Quote :
The curtains opened wide and Gin threw an arm over her face. "No Mum, let me sleep a little longer. I had this horrible dream that I was the Emperor's Mistress. Sleep, need sleep!" She turned over and hid her head under her pillow. Wait. Silk pillows? Cautiously she sat up and felt yet more silk slide on her skin. Oh no. Not good.

Awww, how charming, she hated her experience with Draco so much that she assumed it was a nightmare! I can't wait to see this couple realize their feelings for one another!

Quote :
"Mistress Ginevra, we have prepared your morning bath. Would you prefer it in your own bathroom or outside in the Harem?" An amused Jennifer said from the side of her bed.

Wait, if each girl has her own bathtub, then why do they ever take baths out in the Harem room? Do they just like to show off their bodies to each other? Also, if they've already prepared her bath, it would stand to reason that they already decided which bathtub to fill.

Quote :
Gin groaned, "It wasn't a dream was it?"

OF COURSE IT WAS, SILLY, YOUR PARENTS JUST HIRED A MAID WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING.

Quote :
With that she slipped out of the covers and fell onto the soft carpet that lined the floor of her room. She groaned again. She could feel Jennifer's laughing eyes on her skin. "I will take my bath privately in my own bathroom. Make sure that the Emperor doesn't come in. If he does tell him I am having my monthlies. In fact, go tell him that I hate him and I never want to see him again!" With that Ginevra walked into her bathroom, banging and crashing into her maids as she went.

I guess I could see canon!Ginny saying this about Draco, but would she really be banging and crashing into her maids? She never seemed to be one to throw tantrums.

Quote :
As soon as the redhead exited, Jennifer was drawn the side and a very bemused Emperor looked at her, "I take it that she is not in a very good mood today."

What's Draco doing in Ginny's bedroom in the morning? Jennifer never said that he was here to see her, just that it was time for her bath. Does Draco just aimlessly follow his maids around?

Quote :
"Well Milord, she should be ok after I take her to go see the cats and after she had had a good read on a nice fluffy cushion.

Yes, petting kitties and reading a book is sure to console her after being MOLESTED and BITTEN UNTIL SHE BLED by the guy that's going to have her in his custody for the rest of her life.

Quote :
I figured that she likes animals and enjoys books. Maybe you could bump into her at the menagerie Milord."

"Ooh, yeah, let's set you two up. I just know you'll be a cute couple once she gets over that silly rape thing!"

Quote :
Jen said and looked at Ginevra as she slipped her nightgown off and into the steaming bath.

Wait, so Draco and Jen are in the bathroom with Ginny? Did they follow her in? Why didn't Ginny tell Draco to leave? She clearly holds him in no high regard.

Quote :
"Milord?" She looked up at the Emperor and almost rolled her eyes.

Draco was staring with undeniable lust at the delicate girl that was currently bathing. "How did you figure her out so quickly?" He asked out of the side of his mouth, still looking at the dainty figure.

"Well, I introduced myself to her by talking to her, not by teasing her about how I was giong to rape her, and I was polite to her, instead of molesting her in her bath and covering her in bleeding bite marks."

"DAMMIT."

Quote :
"Because she reminds me of your mother, young Master Draco." Jennifer said with a sad smile.

Ginny = Narcissa Malfoy? I guess I never thought of it much. But wait, how does Jennifer know Narcissa? Does she live in the palace now that Draco's the Emperor? Of course, if she's smiling sadly, perhaps Narcissa is dead. But how? Did she die in the war? An accident? The plague? We'd like to know this, Suethor!

Quote :
"Don't treat this one wrongly sir. I have a feeling that she is worth your while."

Draco smiled down at his life-long servant and good friend, "Yes Jennifer, I had the feeling a long time ago."

Life-long servant? So Jennifer was a servant at Malfoy Manor who transferred to the palace with the Malfoys. I always assumed that the Malfoys didn't bother with paid servants, they just had house-elves. And I don't think Draco would ever bother to be friends with someone his parents kept as servants, seeing as he was always snubbing the Weasley's just for their poverty.

And is the Suethor trying to imply that Draco always had a thing for Ginny? What Harry Potter series did you read, Suethor, because it sure as hell wasn't the one the rest of us read.

Quote :
He nodded and stood up straight once more, donning his air of royalty around him like a cloak. "See to it that she is always content here.

Um, yeah, you kinda blew that when you attacked her last night...

Quote :
Also make sure that she is in the menagerie promptly at 12 noon."

Jen curtsied and when she rose he had already gone. Shaking her head she made her way into her young Mistresses' bathroom and discovered that she had finished her bath and had promptly left the expensive carpeting all around the bathroom soaking wet as she trailed around the bathroom ranting.

Wait, Jen watched Ginny bathe, but she's just now going into her bathroom? Also, who puts down expensive carpeting in their bathroom? You can still look rich as hell with tiled rooms, you know.

Quote :
Ignoring all the maids who were fruitlessly trying to convince her to sit at her vanity table. Jen strode forward and took Ginevra's shoulders and gave her a push towards the vanity. Her Mistress sat down and looked like a little lost kitten.

So all the other maids can beg Ginny to sit down, but all Jen has to do is push her towards it, and Ginny just elts into obedience. We have a Sue here.

Quote :
"I have decided to show you to the menagerie after you are dressed Mistress Ginevra. I had a feeling that you might enjoy it." Jen watched Ginevra's eyes light up.

"Menagerie?" Gin breathed, a look of joy passing over her small face. "How did you know that I loved animals?" Her eyes looked down at the delicate vanity and she saw a plate of food in front of her. Slowly she began to eat, taking care to take small bites to ensure that her stomach filled up faster and would prevent her from eating too much.

What, is the Suethor giving us diet tips? Why would Ginny consciously try to eat as little as possible? Is she going on a hunger strike? I refuse to believe that she's trying to keep up her appearance for Draco.

Snip the maids doing her hair and choosing her outfit for the day.

Quote :
Gin smiled happily until she saw what the maids brought in next. "A corset? What is this? Olden times? I am not going to wear that thing, I've heard of how painful those things are. Do I have to?"

Jen clucked at Ginevra's rant, "If you want to have a beautiful figure in that dress, I suggest you wear it Mistress Ginevra."

Y'know Jen, maybe Gin isn't all that concerned with having a beautiful figure in her dress. Maybe she wants to look as plain as possible so that Draco doesn't single her out again. Is that just impossible to understand?

Quote :
Gin saw the look on Jen's face and gave in. She sucked in her breath as they forced her waist into a seemingly impossible span. When she let out her breath her breasts, which she considered small, spilled out over the top. She blushed but none of the maids acted as if this was unusual. Jen saw her discomfort and hastily explained, "The corset it supposed to make your waist look smaller and your breasts look bigger. It's a good thing darling, the Emperor likes his women to be curvy in the right places and he likes them small and delicate too. He has quite a few beautiful Asian girls and they all fit into those categories. The newest is the one he is talking to right now I believe, Ai her name was."

What, are Asian girls known for being extra curvy? I always heard they were extra petite...

Quote :
Gin straightened and winced as they pulled her dress down over her head. She shook her head as they put cosmetics on her face and pinched her cheeks to make them rosier.

Wait, if you're putting make-up on her anyway, why not just put blush on her instead of pinching her cheeks?

Quote :
However when she looked into the mirror she was satisfied with the image that she saw. Wait, not satisfied, she reveled in her beauty. With that she stepped out into the Harem. She made her way over to the bookshelves and chose a book.

She discovered the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything. She did nothing with this information. She continued to write in beige prose.

Quote :
She thought heard laughter on the other side of the room so she turned her head in the general direction of the laughter and saw Draco flirting with Ai, his hands were moving over her body eagerly.

I'm pretty sure that if your hands are moving up and down someone's body, you're past the point of "flirting."

Quote :
Gin turned an indifferent ear to their games and continued reading her book. Jen hurried over to her and applied just a tad more lip-gloss onto Gin's lips. With that done she looked at her watch and noted that it was exactly 12 noon, but she could see that her Master was already busy with another girl. So she just shrugged her shoulders and let it be. If wanted another girl to please him then so be it. She left Gin reading her book in peace.

I never thought I'd say this, but bring back the purple prose! My goodness, this is no fun to spork at all!

Snip Ginny going back to her room, Malfoy grabbing her, and her fighting him off then going to the menagerie of her own free will. Yeah, why can't Draco fight back, at least with magic? Hell, I don't think magic is ever mentioned in this fic except for the magical potions. Sure, it makes sense that the Harem girls would have their wands taken away, but why aren't Draco or the servants casting spells?

Quote :
She could see different herds of sanbar, an Indian herbivorous beast that was feeding on the grass.

How does Ginny know this? She never seemed like much of a zoologist.

Quote :
Feeling her neck prickle she jumped when a large leopard jumped from a tree just behind her and walked towards her. Knowing full well that it could kill her, Gin stood her ground. Stupidly.

Why would magic-less harem girls be allowed to wander around a menagerie full of untamed and dangerous animals?

Quote :
It tackled her and she lay on the grass on her back and the leopard lowered its canines to her throat.

And so the fic ended. I suppose it's better than having Ginny fall in love with her rapist like I assumed it would be.

Quote :
Gin let out a low growl; suddenly it stopped and cocked its head to the side as if in question.

Wait, what? I'll admit, I don't know much about leopards, so perhaps a growl would scare one off, but only if it hasn't got you pinned down yet! It's already got you on the ground, it's ready to break your neck, it knows that it just tackled you with ease, why would it care if you growled now?

Quote :
Her heart pounding she let out another growl, this time more like a purr and she scratched the panther behind the ears.

A panther? You just said it was a leopard! Leopards and panthers are not one and the same, you know.

Quote :
It leaned into her touch and it licked her face with a scratchy tongue. Gin began to laugh and the leopard leaped lightly off of her. She ran after it, both of them leaping and chasing each other in a game of tag.

I'm just going to assume that the leopard really is tamed, and that it just tackled her for fun. There's no way a wild animal would attack a human, be ready to kill it, and then become BFF's with them because they growled.

Snip them playing around for a while.

Quote :
Gin cooed and picked it up lightly, the baby leopard licked her and its claws scratched her wrists softly, leaving small cuts.

If a leopard (or any kind of cat, for that matter) unsheathes its claws and scratches at your wrists when you pick it up, you might wanna put it down.

Quote :
She slapped his muzzle lightly and giggled as the baby leopard looked up at her indignantly.

NEVER SLAP A FELINE'S NOSE UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE.

Snip the leopard chasing its tail in the cutesiest way possible.

Quote :
"You silly little guy, I am going to call you Fred and your name is going to George." Gin said as she saw another little fur ball uncurl. They both looked almost exactly the same except for the little spot that Fred had around his left eye and the little spot that George had around his right eye.

Oh crap, they're Sue leopards!

Quote :
Regretfully she looked at her watch and saw that it had already been 2 hours.

The last couple paragraphs took up two hours? Yeah, no.

Snip Ginny angsting about how her dress is now dirty and how Jen will get her in trouble for it.

Quote :
With that she gave the family one last pat on the head each and left the menagerie.

She slipped back into the Harem and into her room once more. She steeled herself and called her maids. "Mistress Ginevra! What on earth happened to your hair? Your face? Your dress and what on earth are those two doing here?"

Gin looked down and saw, Fred and George. She rolled her eyes and slapped them both lightly on the muzzles, "Look what you two did! What would your mother say?" Just as Ginevra spoke their mother strolled in leisurely, jumped onto Gin's bed and looked as smug as can be. "Oh great, now I have a family of leopards in my room. Perfect."

Alright, I'll admit this sounds like something my cat would do, and I'll assume that these tamed, Sue-ified leopards might as well be cats. However, why hasn't Ginny shown any kind of wonder or awe at seeing a leopard? It's not like she's watched nature programs, and I don't know if wizards have any zoos with non-magical creatures in them, so I would say she's never seen a leopard before. I'd be a little more than annoyed to see one in my room.

Quote :
The maids shooed the leopard off Gin's bed and onto some large oversized pillows that they had conjured. Fred and George started playing and rolling with each other all over the floor. Gin looked at Jen and shrugged her shoulders, "Does that answer your questions?"

Stop trying to be cutesy, Suethor, we're not going to forget that this girl got molested just last chapter!

Snip Jen being amused and a detailed description of redressing Ginny.

Quote :
Jen quickly shooed the three leopards back into the menagerie and found that Gin had once again disappeared into the Harem and was now in a secluded corner talking to a very attractive young eunuch. No good is going to come of that, Jen thought to herself.

Why? Draco has no problem letting his harem hang around with eunuchs, so why should Jen?

Quote :
She saw Master Draco storming over to the corner with fire in his eyes and suddenly decided that she had been wrong. Anything to get those two to talk, smiling she went back to cooking dinner with the other maids.

Ah, Jen is a Draco/Ginny shipper. I suppose that explains why she has no problem with the rape and molestation going on around here.

Quote :
"Jeremiah, I thought that I would never see you again." Gin said as she saw the young eunuch cleaning up the reading area. She hugged him with delight.

Jeremiah is the eunuch that brought Ginny to the palace in a carriage. I wouldn't blame you if you forgot about his incredible contribution to the plot and ridiculous amount of personality and character development.

Quote :
Jeremiah smiled a seemingly cruel smile, "Me neither. Whoa, look at you young Mistress Ginevra." Here Jeremiah paused and his hands began to inch towards her. "Mistress Ginevra, I need to tell you something."

Oh great, even eunuchs are after our Ginny-Sue.

Quote :
Jeremiah suddenly grabbed her and pulled her to him, covering her mouth with his own. Ginevra tried to scream and scratched at his face in desperation. His teeth scratched against her tongue and she began to cry, begging him to let her leave as his hands began roaming over her body.

Um, has Suethor forgotten where we are? We are right out in the harem room, and we know that at least Jen and Draco are there. How does Jeremiah hope to get away with this?

Quote :
Suddenly she felt herself being yanked backwards and being soundly kissed by familiar lips, she relaxed but was slightly confused. When the lips finally released her own, she stared up and saw the Emperor glaring at her.

Yes, boys, when you save a girl from a possible rape attempt, make sure to force her into a kiss before she even sees your face.

Quote :
"Ginevra, why are you with this man? What has he been doing to you? You there!" Draco barked at Jeremiah, "Speak up! State the manner of your relationship with this woman." Draco's eyes glinted.

"Sir, I am merely a friend of your Mistress. I am a eunuch Milord." Jeremiah answered, his voice only wobbling slightly.

Because "merely friends" always make out and feel each other up.

Quote :
"Ah, I see. Well, why would you be doing what you were just doing to my Mistress if you were a eunuch?" Draco said in a hard voice, his arm crushing Ginevra to him in his anger. "I trust that I will not see it again?"

"Yes Milord." Jeremiah muttered.

"Good." Draco released his tight hold on Ginevra and slipped a strong arm around her waist instead.

Are they seriously going to let this go? He clearly was doing SOMETHING to her, and we know Draco is the jealous type, so why is this guy not being kicked out of the palace?

Quote :
He bent to kiss Ginevra's soft shoulder and watched Jeremiah out of the corner of his eyes. The young man's fists had curled. Hmm, there is something fishy about this 'eunuch', Draco thought to himself.

YOU THINK IT'S "FISHY" THAT HE JUST TRIED TO RAPE ONE OF YOUR GIRLS? I suppose it's "right odd" when someone mugs a jogger in the park, eh?

Quote :
"You boy, bring in the guard, about 10 of them. Be quick about it!"

He signaled for one of the maids to come over, "Tell every single one of my women to come into the Harem. I don't care if they are in the middle of their baths. I want them all out here now." The maid curtsied and walked away quickly. Soon the Harem was full of women looking at each other curiously. Draco strolled up to the front of the room, his arm still around Ginevra's waist. He pulled her roughly closer to him and he could feel her whimper as he leaned down and kissed her throat. "Ginevra, my dear. You are about to see what I do to liars and traitors." He felt her swallow convulsively and he chuckled, "I am not talking about you dear, I am talking about him."

"Yeah, no one rapes the girls in my harem but me, ya hear?"

Quote :
Draco raised an arm imperiously and the doors opened and she could see Jeremiah held roughly by his arms by two men and eight others stood at a salute. Draco strolled over to Jeremiah and as soon as he caught the young man's attention, Draco pulled Ginevra to his chest and let his hands roam all over her.

Um, one of these sentences doesn't belong here?

Quote :
Feeling her try to pull away he pulled her back and his caresses became gentle, probing her sensitive spots, bringing her as much pleasure as much possible. She moaned softly and she began to lean into his touch, anticipating each of his delicious touches, nips and bites.

Suethor, did you forget to write a resolution to the Jeremiah sub-plot and just skip right to the grateful-sex scene?

Quote :
Suddenly Draco stopped and she squeaked a protest. She opened her eyes and saw Draco's hard eyes glinting at Jeremiah. She followed Draco's gaze and saw what exactly he was glaring at. She blushed and hid her face in Draco's chest. "Why, my dear eunuch is there a bulge in your trousers?"

Oh, so Draco did that just to give Jeremiah a boner so that he could prove he wasn't a eunuch, and therefore get him kicked out of the palace? Couldn't you have just gone ahead and kicked him out? I mean, he DID just attempt rape, and you ARE the emperor, so it's not like you need evidence.

Quote :
Draco's voice had become cold. Gin felt his strong voice rumble in his chest and she moved her arms and put them around his waist, loving that comforting feeling that he gave her.

"Nothing comforts me after being molested more than snuggling up to the man who molested me earlier!"

Quote :
Right now she didn't really care about Jeremiah's fate. Even though he was a friend, it seemed that he had deceived her and besides, Draco needed to protect his women, namely her. What would have happened to her if she had gone to meet Jeremiah in some secluded place?

Then he could have been considered a smart rapist instead of a dumbfuck who tries to rape girls right out in public while thier boyfriend is watching?

Quote :
"My Mistresses, how many of you have had relations with this man other than friendliness?" Four trembling women stood forward and bowed before Draco. "Was this forced or of your own will?" He asked the first girl with no emotion in his voice.

The pretty brunette looked up with tears in her eyes, "Forced, Milord."

He asked each of the women and they all said that they had been forced. Jeremiah snorted as they answered but after a kick from two guards he remained silent. Jeremiah tried to speak and his voice rang throughout the Harem, "They lie. She asked me for comfort and for advice when we took the ride to the palace and I gave it to her." Draco's handsome face had turned into a mask of fury.

"You bastard, I'm the one who'd supposed to bless girls with my healing cock before they even realize they want it!"

Quote :
"I didn't mean it as in that way!" The brunette screamed, tears streaming down her face. "I just wanted you to tell me if I was going to get into the Harem or not! Milord, he has come to 'visit' each of us thrice even when we thought we were safe in the harem. The first time he forced me was in the carriage but the others he chose while he delivered food to the Harem, and two of us have children!

How has Jeremiah gotten away with this already? He clearly doesn't even have the sense to take women into an empty room before raping them, so how has he not been noticed before?

Quote :
They are yours and one of them was there when it happened! She has not been the same since."

Draco's eyes softened as he looked at her, "I will do what I can." His eyes hardened once more as he turned his gaze once again to Jeremiah. "You know how much I treasure each and every one of my women do you not?"

"I treasure them enough to allow them to be blessed by my magical rainbow penis before they even ask for it! If that's not love, I don't know what is!"

Quote :
Jeremiah nodded, Gin could tell that it was forced but nonetheless it was a nod. Ginevra inhaled and tried to memorize that lovely Draco smell. Draco leaned down and kissed the top of her head and then continued to talk, his voice a bit softer. "I especially treasure this woman in my arms right now. So I hope you know that you are very lucky that you didn't do anything to her or you be dead, right where you are standing." His voice one of steel once more, he continued on, his cheek against Ginevra's soft hair, one hand playing with a stray strand. "I have decided to spare your life."

Jeremiah visibly sagged in relief, "Thank you Milord." The brunette rose up in protest but Draco raised a hand.

"However, you will now go through what no grown man has gone through. You will become a eunuch tonight." Draco's voice sounded a little too cheerful to deliver such horrible news to a man. "You seemed to escape becoming a eunuch at a young age, so instead I will make you a eunuch as a grown man. Without the numbing cream that young boys would usually get."

Wow, Draco's being surprisingly reasonable here! He's right, men who force themselves on others should be castrated! Oh wait...

Also, how did he escape? Did the eunuch-maker miss or something? You'd think that in such an occupation, they'd check for that sort of thing.

Quote :
Ginevra gasped as Jeremiah's eyes rolled back and he went into a dead faint.

He's got the vapors! Someone, get him a fainting couch!

Quote :
The brunette had a smile in her eyes and she bowed to Draco, "Thank you Milord." Draco gestured for her to come closer. She stepped up towards him and he kissed her lightly on the lips, "Tell Selene that her Daddy bought her the pony that she wanted, it's in the stables right now." The brunette's eyes watered and she curtsied. "Thank you Milord." She whispered once more and slipped away to find her child.

"Well, Selena, I know you've been through a lot these last few months. You 've been conceived through a loveless union, your mother has been held captive and used for sex, and you recently just saw her raped. But don't you worry, Daddy's bought you something that will make it all better!"

"Ooh, is it a therapist?"

Excitedplz "Nope! It's a PONY!!!!11 " Excitedplz

"Um, thanks Daddy."

Also, Ginny mentioned earlier that none of the children were over a year old. What's a one-year-old going to do with a pony?

Quote :
Ginevra snuggled into Draco's arms and tried to hide away from the sunlight. She was feeling slightly sleepy. Draco chuckled, "Feeling tired my Fiery Goddess? I think its time for a little food and then some sleep for you." He picked her up bridal style and carried her to her room. He had her eat some dinner and then had her maids change her into her nightgown. Tonight it was a pale lilac color. Draco slipped her into her bed, stripped down to his boxers and slipped in as well. Ginevra sat up startled. "This is your second test." He whispered.

Because we all know what a good mood the first test put her in.

Quote :
Ginevra nodded and soon she was snuggled up close to this new warmth source. He smiled, a real genuine smile and pulled her even closer. She inhaled his scent and fell asleep, bathed his unique scent. Draco drew invisible patterns on Ginevra's back until he heard her breaths deepen and become regular. His hands curled themselves into her hair and soon he fell asleep as well. Platinum and auburn strands mingled on a single pillow.

This pisses me off. This guy sexually assaulted you yesterday. He bit you until you were bleeding and crying. Sure, he chased off your rapist, but he just wants to rape you himself! Obvioulsy, we have another Stockholm Syndrome fic, because heaven knows there aren't enough of them on the internet.

Quote :
Jen crept into the room and closed the curtains and turned out the lights. She left a note on the bulletin board in the maid's dorms not to wake the Mistress and Master up. They needed their sleep, and when they woke up, they would be together. Jen smiled as she slipped into her own bed and turned her light off with a click. All in a good days work.

I'm beginning to think that Jen is the real Mary Sue here. She's the one bending the characters to her will, just so that she can fap to her favorite crack pairing.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:20 am

Quote :
he had never been so tempted to make love to her than he had before.
...oh I know the feeling. Happens to me all the time. scratch


SouthSimGal wrote:
Oh, so Draco did that just to give Jeremiah a boner so that he could prove he wasn't a eunuch, and therefore get him kicked out of the palace? Couldn't you have just gone ahead and kicked him out? I mean, he DID just attempt rape, and you ARE the emperor, so it's not like you need evidence.
Not to mention Draco could just pull his pants down. I mean castration is a pretty easy thing to determine, in humans.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Wed Aug 08, 2012 7:17 pm

"And then Draco took off his mask. He was Ron Raper!", anyone?
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:23 pm

That's what I'm wondering. If you're going to have a eunuch requirement, couldn't you take five minutes and pull down the dude's pants? Though depending on how the castration was done, a eunuch could still perform in the sack. Like if you just remove the testes, apparently they can still get an erection, but they'll be unable to spread their seed, so to speak. However, I'm assuming that Draco, given that he runs a first-rate harem (Why is there no eyeroll smilie?), probably went with the full equipment removal route to be sure.

If you're wondering why I know a disturbing amount of information about eunuchs, I'm a fan of A Song of Ice and Fire series. That book series has taught me a lot of stuff... Shocked

Also, apparently that servant, Jennifer, suggests that Draco's attraction to Ginny is because she reminds him of his mother...yeah, I'm fairly certain that means Draco's a lot closer to Norman Bates than the dashing hero the fanfic writer wants him to be. Someone wanna tell her that boys do things with their girls that they don't do with their mothers unless they're severely disturbed children?

Still in an attempt to be a little less negative and point out the jewel shining in the pig's snout, I will commend this fic for something: while Ginny does forgive Creepy!Rapist!Draco awful quickly, at least, she hasn't fallen in love with him at the drop of a hat. Word of advice, writers: "I love you" does not equal free access to a girl's pants. You have to actually do stuff to make her love you.

I'll give credit that at least she's trying to make Draco jump through a few hoops in order to get Ginny's heart. It's not much but it's more than a lot of Suethors do. Too many Draco/Hermione fics and variations on, are essentially this:

Draco and or Bad Boy character Suethor mistakenly thinks is cool: I love you.

Passive Recipient (Usually female because female characters are love objects: they are acted up, they do not act): [rips off clothing] Do me now even though you've been a total asshole towards me and everyone I care about! Plus the whole clinging to a reprehensible doctrine that's clearly meant to be seen as similar to Hitler's obsession with Racial Supremacy!

[Insert several paragraphs of them having sex. Next chapter, Girl has baby in a remarkably short pain-free labor. Said baby will have the best features of both parents and be a perfect angel who sleeps through the night and never spews from all orifices at once and will grow up to be a spunky teenager who everyone loves except those who don't understand!!!!1111 Meanwhile, I vomit.]

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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Thu Aug 09, 2012 3:24 am

Mouse wrote:
That's what I'm wondering. If you're going to have a eunuch requirement, couldn't you take five minutes and pull down the dude's pants?
I know, right?

"We're only hiring eunuchs though."

"Uhhh well, um, I AM! I totally am. I swear."

"Cool."




Quote :
(Why is there no eyeroll smilie?)
Rolling Eyes -?
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:36 pm

Quote :
Chapter 5: next Day Part II

Y'know, this doesnt take place on the same "next day" as last chapter. Can't you just name it something else, like "The Day After the Next Day"?

Quote :
Gin woke with an uncommonly warm pillow.

Draco had pissed on it in the night.

Quote :
Sighing she pulled it closer to her and realized that her pillow was also uncommonly heavy.

Wow, he pissed on it so much that its mass was greatly increased.

Quote :
She opened one eye blearily and looked right into His Imperial Majesty's currently soft grey eyes.

"I pissed on your pillows," he whispered, only half awake. "But don't worry, your hundreds of maids will be glad to have something to do."

Quote :
Gin jumped a foot off the bed and looked at Draco indignantly as he started to laugh.

"I don't care what you say, wetting the bed isn't funny!"

Quote :
She crossed her arms and he ceased laughing immediately.

"Yes ma'am. I won't do it again."

Quote :
Gin raised an eyebrow and looked down. Her crossed arms had caused her breasts to perk up and pulled the silky material tightly against them.

Um, that might not be as noticable if you wore nightclothes that weren't made out of tissue paper.

Quote :
She blushed brightly and immediately tried to delve under the covers. She almost succeeded until Draco's strong muscular arms pulled her up to his bare chest and one of his arms drew lazy circles on one of her milky thighs.

What is it with this Suethor always referring to Ginny's skin as "milky"? I always assumed that her legs and arms were covered in freckles, like most gingers', not milky-white.

Quote :
Good morning to you too." Draco said with a smirk.

"Hurr, her nipples were saying good morning by getting hard!!!one"

Quote :
Gin snorted and tried to release herself from his grip. Draco sought her lips with his own began to nip and tease every inch of her lips.

STOP NIPPING! You know what that does to her, and there aren't even any maids around with magical healing lotion!

Quote :
Slowly he teased her lips open and his tongue played with hers, leaving her breathless.

I didn't realize that French kissing was an aerobic activity.

Quote :
Gin continued to put up a fight but eventually she gave up. Letting him suckle and pleasure her pert lips. Grinning against his lips she moved her arms up to the back of his neck and played with the baby hairs there.

Draco wears a toupee of baby scalps?

Quote :
He growled and renewed his attack on her lips even more ferociously.

Gin smirked once more and decided that she had found his weakness. Finally detaching herself from Draco's questing lips

They were seeking the Holy Grail.

Quote :
she moved her way up his body, slithering against the sheets until she was level with his neck. Slowly she began to kiss his neck, moving until she reached the back of his neck where she nipped and licked every inch of his sensitive flesh.

How is she reaching the back of his neck if she's on her back underneath him? She must have a rather flexible neck.

Quote :
Now it was Draco's turn to squirm. He took advantage of his position and ripped her nightgown open.

"Dammit, that thing was expensive!"

Seriously, if the maids keep jars of healing ointment around, do they also have closets full of nightgowns to replace the ones that get torn off?

Quote :
Gin squealed and tried to run away from him but he refused to let her go.

Draco lay her down on the bed and looked at her reverently. Gin looked away from him until he held her small face in both of his hands. He made eye contact with her and drew her eyes over to the mirror that was positioned to show the both of them in it.

What mirror? Suethor, establish your setting before it become invaluable!

Quote :
He kept his eyes on hers as he lowered himself to her breasts.

What, is he caressing her breasts with his chin? How do you maintain eye contact while motorboating someone?

Quote :
He began with butterfly kisses. Gin stared at him ministering to her chest in the mirror

Ministering? I guess Draco was actually a missionary trying to convert the breasts of the kingdom before it was too late.

Quote :
and decided that she liked this new way of doing things.

"Sure, I was crying because of the way he touched me two days ago, and all he's done so far is have a man castrated for doing the exact same thing. Boy, am I excited about having sex with him now!"

Quote :
She watched her arms slide around his back, pulling his tongue as close as possible to her pink buds.

"I've been practicing my cake decorating all day, and I finally learned how to make fondant rosebuds! Here, taste them!"

Quote :
Her back arched and she moaned loudly, Draco smiled and pulled away. Gin lay there panting, begging him to do something.

Draco smirked and shook his head. Her eyes widened and then they blazed with fire. "So this is how it is? I am just another toy that the mighty Emperor can play with aren't I?" Her eyes shone with malice and with that she marched off completely naked to her bathroom.

Well gee, you got over that quickly. And yes, Ginny, you are. That's the whole point of being in a harem. Are you going to become your canon self and try to escape yet?

Quote :
Draco ran a hand through his silky hair and listened to the water running into the tub. Women! He could never understand them.

Which was why he stuck to raping them. Skip all the namby-pamby relationship stuff.

And what, Draco can't understand why leaving a girl on the brink of orgasm (that's the way she treated it, at least.) and then "smirking and shaking your head" might piss her off?

Quote :
Sighing regretfully he decided that he was going to have to teach her a lesson. Whips?

Ladies and gentlemen, our hero! If a girl doesn't hang around, waiting for him to have sex with her, he breaks out the whips.

Quote :
No, can't ruin her skin. Oh wait, the cream that the maids make. That should take care of it.

"Wait a second, I'm in the Harry Potter universe! Silly me, I can use magic! I wonder why I forgot that for such a long time..."

Quote :
Hmm, maybe not, he was getting rather fond of his Ginevra.

"So the question is: do I whip the people I'm fond of, or not? I wonder what Voldemort would do in my shoes?"

Quote :
Sighing he made his way over to the bathroom and saw Ginevra washing her long red hair, her back to him. Draco smirked and slipped into the water gracefully and pulled her back towards him and onto his lap.

"Welp, when in doubt, I can always just molest her in the bathtub. That worked really well last time!"

Quote :
Slowly he massaged the conditioner into her scalp but he could still feel her tense muscles against his chest. Sadly, Ginevra continued to ignore him even as he rubbed the soap against her pink breasts that had only just responded to his touch.

Referring to her breasts as "pink" makes me imagine breasts that are all one color.

Quote :
Growling with exasperation he slathered her with soap all over and paid careful attention to her legs and her breasts but still she did not respond to him. Ginevra continued to stare at the taps. Tears were starting in her eyes as he bit her neck and broke through the skin but still she did not respond to him.

Stopping when your girl starts crying is for tools!

Quote :
Draco's mind began to race, he knew what to do when she was raging or when she was playing with him but what to do when she seemed determined to ignore him? Suddenly white-hot rage burned through his veins, how dared this lowly girl refuse to give him what he desired. Roughly he grabbed a fistful of her luscious hair and yanked, forcing her to look into his eyes.

Her brown eyes mirrored his anger but still her fear showed. Tears had begun to flow down her cheeks as he pulled harder on her hair. "Respond to me!" He said with steel in his voice.

This would be a pretty cool excerpt if only I didn't know that Ginny and Draco were going to end up in twu wub by the end of the fic.

Quote :
Roughly he kissed her but still she didn't do respond, all she did was shrink further inside herself. "Ginevra, you just disobeyed my orders."

With a sigh Draco released her and he saw her immediately relax, "I am going to have to punish you for that. Ten lashes from a whip and two days without food." His eyes had turned to those of steel.

'Cause starvation will put you in the mood!

Quote :
"So sorry, my dear Ginevra but I am going to have to do this, it's a standard punishment for disobedience among my women." The need to dominate had won out. Roughly he grabbed her hair and crushed his lips against hers, with that he left her for the second time in her bath.

And whose fault is it that this is the standard punishment?

And exactly how many women have disobeyed him? Most of them act perfectly happy to be sex slaves, but is that because their spirits were broken, or because they genuinely enjoy it? Can we please have a little insight into characters other than Ginny and Draco?

Quote :
Fuming, Draco clapped his hands and called for Jen.

Jen is activated by the Clapper.

Quote :
As soon as she appeared he spoke in a cold, controlled voice, "Ginevra has displeased me. Send her to the dungeons; there she will receive ten lashes from the whip with glass woven into it. Two days without food will follow that."

Jen's eyes couldn't have gotten any bigger, "Your highness, I thought she was one of your favorites, wasn't she about to be addressed as Madame Ginevra?"

Draco's eyes blazed, "Forget what I said before. Keep your place servant. Remember your place, if you do not you can join your Mistress in the dungeons."

Ahem, last chapter:

Quote :
Draco smiled down at his life-long servant and good friend,

CONTINUITY!

Quote :
Jen curtsied and slipped out of the room and into the bathroom to deliver the punishment to her Mistress, sighing the whole time. Everything had been going so well, what had gone wrong?

It probably has something to do with the fact that one party in the relationship is a rapist. But that's just my guess.

Quote :
Jen entered the bathroom slowly and jumped when she heard her Mistress voice a question, "Is he really going to do all that to me? Has he really whipped all the women who do not do what he wants?" Jen nodded silently and lifted Ginevra out of the bath, dressing her deftly in a loose bathrobe.

How about some insight into Jen? Has she ever been whipped? Does she genuinely like Draco? Does she feel that it's not his fault that the women have to be whipped? Does she think all the women deserve what they get? Is she friends with anyone in the harem?

LOL FORGET ABOUT THAT HERE HAVE SOME TORTURE

Quote :
Calling other maids to her they led Ginevra out of the Harem and down marble steps into the dungeons. Ginevra held her head high but she often tripped and fell until her knees and feet were bloody and she left eerie footprints on the stairs.

Great, now Ginny has been reduced to Bella Swan.

Quote :
Draco watched her descent down the stairs from the dungeons. Inside there was a war waging inside of him, what on earth was he doing? Was this not the woman he favored above all? Hadn't he said just yesterday that he treasured her above all the others? Yes, he had. But she had defied his orders!

"By 'favored' and 'treasured' I mean 'wanted to have sex with', not anything silly like enjoying her company or admiring her personality traits."

Quote :
Something that hardened veteran Death Eaters in his army could not do. It had been a long time since His Majesty had had someone stand up to him.

I have a hard time believing that this whiny angst-muffin can command respect from anyone, much less some hardened Death Eaters.

Quote :
Shaking his tousled blonde locks, Draco noticed that his soldiers were staring at Ginevra lustfully and his eyes following theirs he couldn't blame them.

Her robe was completely see through and there was little that no one could see.

I thought that Jen dressed her in a bathrobe? What, do all people getting whipped have to be dressed in see-through dresses?

And also, won't she have to be naked to get whipped properly? The whole point of a whip is that it hits your bare skin, and it's not like a glass-implanted whip won't tear right through a nightgown after a couple lashes.

Quote :
"No one look at her! She is for my eyes alone." He said loudly, his voice echoing against the hard walls. "Understood?" Every soldier nodded and dutifully looked at his feet. "Now, begin."

"Uh, how are we supposed to whip her if we can't look at her?"

Quote :
A soldier came forward and roughly grabbed Ginevra's robe and pushed her to the ground. He kicked her into a kneeling position and slipped here wrists into some chains that were nailed into the ground. Ginevra looked up into his eyes and saw pity and encouragement. She let her forehead touch the ground and prepared herself for the pain that was inevitably coming.

Snip the first two strokes because they're ridiculously boring. Then, Draco remembers something.

Quote :
Flashback

A scream pierced the night and a young six-year-old boy jumped out of bed and ran towards the dungeons, "Mommy!"

Toward the dungeons from WHERE? No establishing the setting here.

Quote :
Shinning chocolate eyes filled with tears of pain, suffering and love looked to the door as the boy entered and knelt beside his bleeding mother, "Mommy, are you ok?" His childish hands desperately tried to undo the crude bonds that held her to the floor. Her dress hung with her skin in bloody strips and when he accidentally brushed against them his mother cried out in pain.

The child turned accusingly to his father, "Daddy, what did you do?"

Silver eyes looked at his son with rage and anger, "Leave us Aden, your mother has done something bad and we need to talk."

Who the fuck is Aden? Makes me think of Deltora Quest... Why wasn't Draco in his own memory?

Snip strokes three and four.

Quote :
"Five." Finally she had borne enough and screamed out in pain. Her cry was so familiar, so like the one in his dreams. It tore Draco's feelings to pieces and his resolve finally broke. He strode over to the trembling woman and undid her chains with a swish of his wand. Lifting her up carefully he strode up the stairs with Jen trailing after them, smiling a sad smile of understanding.


Okay, so Ginny reminds Draco of Mystery Mom from his dreams, so he has no choice but to comfort her.

Quote :
The Emperor himself lay Ginevra out on her bed on her stomach, stripped off her robe and massaged her back with the healing cream. Ginevra wanted to yell and scream at him and tell him how much she hated him but right now the feel of the healing cream on her back was doing wonders. When all her wounds had healed and there was only a faint bruising that would fade after a good nights rest that he knelt beside the bed and looked her in the eye.

Shivering, Ginevra pulled her knees up to her stomach and leaned against he headboard, "Why did you stop? Didn't I displease you Milord?"

Draco looked at her closely. "I never thought that you would have been broken so easily. That just shows how much I know of the infamous Weasley temper." He knew he shouldn't rile her up so soon after being beaten but he needed to see if she had given up so soon.

Screaming in pain is "giving up"? And she's betrayed the legendary "Weasley temper" by crying out? Look, we have no sign that her spirit was broken by that whipping, she's acting the same way she's been acting from the beginning: whimpering and going to Draco for help, even though he's the cause of all her problems.

Quote :
His jaw clenched, like his mother.

He clenched his mother, too?

Quote :
Her eyes flashed and Draco sighed with relief. Ginevra opened her mouth to yell at him but he silenced her with a finger on her lips. Ginevra smirked and bit it. Hard. Draco yelped and glared at her, "Are you so desperate for another beating?"

She's already established that you can't go through with beating her. There's nothing for her to be afraid of now.

Quote :
Ginevra shrunk into herself slightly but drew herself up again, "you stopped my beating this time. You might do it next time too. Why did you stop it? I thought you were the evil and heartless Emperor who loves no one, cares for no one. What made you stop? A miracle from heaven perhaps or maybe just a momentary lapse, do tell Oh Great One. " Ginevra hissed, all her anger at her beating directed towards him.

I'd congratulate Ginny if I didn't know that she would soon lapse into her sobbing, delicate little self.

Quote :
A slap sounded in her room and the Ginevra raised a hand to her reddened cheek in surprise and pain. "I had promised myself that I would never hit a woman with my own hand but you have gone too far Ginevra.

"Normally I just bite them and hit them with my dick, but you've gone too far now!"

Quote :
Never accuse me of those things. Don't tamper with me. I may not show emotion to everyone but that doesn't mean that I should be classified as evil.

Normally, that would be true. Emotionless =/= evil. However, this is Draco Malfoy, and we have plenty of canon evidence to convict him with. He has been an asshole to many, been racist towards Muggles and Muggle-borns, has ALMOST KILLED ALBUS FREAKIN' DUMBLEDORE, and happily signed up to be a servant to the wizarding world's equivalent of Hitler. And if that wasn't enough, he's every bit as evil in this here fic, taking young women away from their families, raping them, and whipping them whenever they don't submit themselves to his will. And now we're supposed to be outraged that Ginny thinks he's evil?

Quote :
I am trying to make this world a better place, but no one will listen to me.

Trying to make the world a better place apparently consists of walking around molesting harem girls all day.

Draco: It sure makes the world a better place for me! Fap Fap Fap

Quote :
No one sees it my way because I am a bad and evil person and so everything I say or want to do is classified as bad and evil. Is wanting shelters for homeless muggles and wizards who are refugees bad?

Draco would NEVER help out Muggles in any way, shape, or form. And any refugees from the wizarding war would be anti-Voldemort, so I doubt he'd do any favors for them, either.

Quote :
Is donating money to charities across the world evil?

I'm guessing that his charities of choice are run by Death Eaters to support... Death Eating projects? I guess they need to buy more paint to put the Dark Mark on every building or something.

Quote :
Because as soon as those ideas come out of my mouth they are stamped on with red ink as BIG BAD EVIL.

By who? The prologue built Draco up as an all-powerful Emperor of Everything, yet there's somebody who's veto-ing all his ideas?

Quote :
Do not tell me that I am evil, I hear it every day." He spat out angrily.

With that Draco rose from the bed and slipped back the covers. He picked her up and slid her under the covers gracefully and courteously to any other watching eyes but Ginevra could feel his muscles trembling in anger.

Slowly she reached a hand out and stroked his smooth cheek softly. The lines creased out of his face the moment her skin touched his. The chemistry between them was very evident and both of them were more and more aware of it as Draco leaned into her touch as a babe would lean into his mothers soothing touch.

More Ginny=Narcissa moments. Y'know, Suethor, that just makes this whole relationship seem awfully creepy.

Quote :
Ginevra pulled him down onto the bed with her and he slipped down between the sheets and laid his head on her breast. "I'm so sorry Milord. I didn't realize what you were going through." Ginevra said, smoothing his hair with her hands.

"Being completely out of character like that... at least I get to act on flashes of my true self occasionally!"

Quote :
She tensed as his hands lifted but relaxed when he took her own into his and kissed them, "Draco. My name is Draco." The Emperor whispered and began to kiss her neck softly and sensuously. "Say it Ginevra."

"Draco!" Ginevra whispered in a breathy moan and let his lips caress and touch each and every part of her body and she agreed as soon as things began to heat up with what he had said to her before. The feel of skin on skin is very comforting indeed!

I. HATE. Exclamation points in prose. I don't know if it's grammatically correct or not, but it makes the atmosphere feel like that of a children's book.

Ooh, bonus Author's Note:

Quote :
P.S- I have received two flames that are pretty bad and I think I may discontinue this story. Feel free to review anyways. To the two anon who wrote flames, thanks for the 'advice' and it was very much 'appreciated'.

Suethor: I have recieved five chapters that are pretty bad and I think I may discontinue this spork (OHMIGOD PRAISE ME TELL ME NOT TO STOP TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT TELL ME TEEEEEELLLLL MEEEEEEEE). Feel free to comment anyway (OHMIGOD PLEASE COMMENT PLEASE OH TELL ME HOW I'M SUCH A GREAT SPORKER PRAISE PRAISE PRAAAAAAAIIIIISE). To the writer who wrote the chapter, thanks for the "writing" and it was very much "enjoyed."
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grmblfjx
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Join date : 2009-06-10

PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Thu Aug 09, 2012 4:44 pm

Quote :
Growling with exasperation he slathered her with soap all over

This is the most awesome mental image. "RARRRR splash splash RAWWWWR!!"



Also I admire the deus ex machina that is the maids' healing cream. Conveniently named "Healing Cream" so you both know what it does and don't have to come up with any ingredients or anything, it undoes anything you could possibly do to someone, freeing the author of the responsibility to deal with any sort of consequences. It's magical! It's free! Get yours today!
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SouthSimGal
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Join date : 2012-05-05

PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Sat Aug 11, 2012 12:43 am

Quote :
Chapter 7: Agreements and Disagreements

"I can't decide whether this fic makes me want to kill myself, or everyone else in the world."

"Meh, I say myself."

"No, I'd rather kill everyone else."

"Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree."

Quote :
"Draco…" Gin murmured. She moaned as his tongue made love to her neck.

That would imply that he had poked a hole in her neck and was fucking it with his tongue.

Quote :
"Mmm?"

"Draco… I don't want to do this!" Ginny stammered as she slid out from underneath him. She flushed, "I mean, I want it. It's just that… I need time to think first!"

Wait, you know you want it, so what are you wanting to think about? Do you need to solve a quadratic equation before you can have sex?

Quote :
Draco groaned, "This is the second time you have defied me in the past 24 hours! Can't you hold it in for once?"

"I asked you if you needed to stop and go to the bathroom five minutes ago!"

"I didn't need to go then! Please, please, it's an emergency!"

"Okay, but if you're not done in two minutes then I'm driving off without you."

Quote :
He pulled her back underneath him and growled when she tried to pull away.

Gin squealed when his teeth met with the sensitive skin of her neck. "Draco, please stop!"

Draco snarled as he bit down on her neck hard. When the salty sweet taste of blood finally met his lips, he lapped it up leisurely as she shivered beneath him.

Okay, he's not "nipping" her anymore, he's full-on BITING. And what is with this Draco and his need to draw blood whenever he makes out with a girl? Does the Suethor have a secret blood fetish?

Quote :
He massaged the small wound with his tongue,

NOW he's making love to her neck with his tongue.

Quote :
then stared down at the beauty that had captivated him. "I hope you realize that if you refuse me, I will look elsewhere for someone to satisfy me." He grinned, "You don't want that do you?"

"Um, yes? I mean, really, never in my life have you treated me civilly, and now you're trying to rape me, so I'd be very happy to show you the door and let you go to Ai or whoever."

At least, that's what canon!Ginny a human being would say.

Quote :
Gin hesitated. "Maybe you should," she whispered quietly, "it would give me some time to figure out exactly what I want."

"Yeah, I can never decide whether I want to get fucked by a man who took me as a slave, molested me several times, and had me whipped or not. It's a curse, really."

Quote :
His eyes darkened, "You want me to go to someone else? You want me to forget all about you?" He closed his eyes.

Uh, no, she specifically said that she just wanted to "find out what she wanted", whatever the fuck that means. Nothing in that statement indicated that she'd like to be forgotten.

Quote :
Gin smiled as she imprinted his features into her mind,

By shoving his face into her brain. It was painful, yes, but oh so worth it to keep that expression in her mind forever.

Quote :
then jumped as he eyelids flew open once more. "Very well. Though I warn you, I might completely forget about you. I have hundreds of women to chose from and you are only one in those hundreds." He studied her intently. "You have to promise not to be angry at me if I do. Try to understand."

Wait, if he forgets about her, why should he give a shit if she's angry at him? Wouldn't her being angry prompt her to make him notice her, thus making the whole "forgot about you" a moot point?

Quote :
Gin nodded slowly, "How many red-heads are here?"

Where did that come from?

Quote :
"About fifty." Draco smirked, "I have a thing for red-heads." He grinned as a faint blush tinged her cheeks.

Dangit, I almost whipped out my BLUSH COUNTER from [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].

Shameless self-promotion, yeah!

Quote :
"Will you stay for tonight?" Gin asked softly. Her hands traced his face, "Just to hold me."

Again, why do you want to be around this guy?! The only "kind" things he's done for you have been rescuing you from situations that he put you in! I daresay that your quality of life would be VERY significantly better if this guy weren't alive, so how can you possibly be in such twu wub with him?!

Quote :
His eyes sparked, "As you wish, your Royal Highness." Grinning, he took all her slaps and blows good-naturedly. "Hush, sleep. You must be tired." He rolled off her and molded her soft small body to his large muscular one.

This took some breaking of bones, but eventually she was properly molded for the right aesthetic effect.

Quote :
Soothingly, he rubbed her back, twirled her hair in his fingers and kissed her face softly. When her breathing deepened, he knew she had fallen asleep.

Actually, she's probably hyperventilating, as you never mentioned that her breath slowed down as well.

Quote :
Good night, my Empress

OMIGOSH SO ROMANTIC HE CONSIDERS HER HIS WIFE

Quote :
Draco slipped from the bed carefully.

"Dammit, Jen, I told you to stop putting banana peels on the sheets, I keep slipping on 'em! Well, at least I've learned to do it carefully."

Quote :
He kissed the sleeping redhead softly on the forehead and stared at her for a few moments. Remembering the night before, he shook his head and padded outside the room.

I can only hope we will see each other again

Um, if you never see each other again, it will be your own damn fault. Stop acting like circumstances are keeping these two apart! The only thing keeping them from being together is canon and common sense, and we see that they've already broken through those walls.

Snip Ginny waking up, taking a bath, and getting dressed, which takes up SIX FRAKKIN' PARAGRAPHS.

Quote :
Gin turned and entered the harem. When she couldn't spot Draco, she was surprised when she felt a small pang of disappointment. Shaking her head at her own silliness, she situated herself at a nearby cushion. What should I do?

"WAAAAHHH, my rapist has abandoned me! What can I, a poor lonely little wimmins, possibly do to occupy myself now that I'm not being beaten and molested?"

Quote :
Closing her eyes, Gin tried to imagine exactly what it would be like to be with Draco. Draco. Could I love Draco? Could I have his children?

I don't know, COULD YOU? Oh gosh, I hate my teachers for ingraining that joke into my mind...

Quote :
A peal of feminine laughter interrupted her thoughts. Ai was coming out of her room and a flash of blonde followed her. Gin watched as Draco playfully tackled Ai and cushioned her fall with his own body.

Umm, how? Did he push her over and then drop to the ground super-fast just to catch her? Or did he latch onto her and pull her down on top of him?

Quote :
Ai smiled and leaned down to peck Draco on the lips shyly. Gin's gut clenched. He leaned in to the kiss and rolled them over. He smiled at Ai and leaned down once more to capture her lips. The kiss deepened. Gin wanted to scream as Draco stood and picked Ai up carefully. When he entered Ai's room, Gin could see them on the bed together. The door shut.

How did the door shut if they were both already on the bed? Does Ai have a maid whose job it is to close the door whenever she has sexytiem? Or is the door activated by the Clapper, like Jen?

Quote :
Why do I care? Why should I care? Gin began to slip into herself. Her confidence began to fall. Her thoughts slowed. I could love him. I could make him mine. Gin stood and walked purposefully to her room.

Purposefully? What was she planning to do there, masturbate? Ooh, that'll show them!

Quote :
No, I don't want to. She stopped and looked around helplessly. Oh God, what do I do?

Suethor, we get it. Ginny is jealous and has no idea why because she won't say she's in love, or whatever. You don't have to go on and on about it!

Snip two more paragraphs of "What do I do?" and Ginny running out of the Harem Room, and asking directions to the... temple? You never even mentioned a temple, Suethor! And what is it a temple to? The whole Death Eater regime seemed rather anti-religion to me, so why would they build a temple on the palace grounds? Please tell me it's a temple to Voldemort.

Quote :
Walking across the hall, Gin stared up at its imposing paintings and high ceilings. Smiling girlishly, she twirled around, feeling like a princess.

What the hell, is Ginny bipolar? She was angsting and suffering an emotional breakdown a couple paragraphs ago, and now she's like "OOH PURTY PAINTINGS SHINY SHINY I'M A PRINCESS LA DE DA DE DA SPIIIINNNNNNN."

Quote :
Suddenly she slammed into something hard. Winded, she could barely register that she had walked into a person, not a wall. She looked up into hard brown eyes.

She walked into a pair of eyes?

Quote :
"Jeremiah!" She gasped. "Wha-"

DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNN

Yeah, that Jeremiah sub-plot was so great, why not repeat it?

Quote :
"Shut up." Jeremiah said shortly. Gin just gaped at him, completely shocked.

"Where is your Great Emperor?" His voice echoed mockingly in the hall. "Are you no longer the most treasured jewel in his harem?"

Gin bit her lip as she stared up at him defiantly, "You are despicable!"

Oh, almost raping her and actually raping a few other girls is okay, all in good fun. But suggesting that Ginny-Sue was not Draco's twu wub? DETHPICABLE.

Quote :
"Hmm… that was fast. You must have been horrible in bed." Jeremiah smirked.

Incensed, Gin lashed out and slapped him as hard as she could on the cheek.

Jeremiah staggered backwards, his hand on his cheek. "You little bitch! You're going to pay for that."

Okay, Jeremiah has plenty of experience with raping girls, and yet he's shocked and taken aback when he gets slapped by one? Surely this has happened to him before!

Apparently it hasn't happened to him before, and don't call me Shirley.

Quote :
Gin screamed as blows began to rain down on her back, face, arm, legs and torso. Draco, save me!

There's no way I could possibly try to get out of this situation myself, or even call for some maids or fellow harem-members to help me overpower him. No, I must be saved by my one twu wub! And why am I only thinking this instead of screaming it so that it can make a difference?

Quote :
Tears began to fall as he picked her up and slammed her into the wall. Over and over and over. PLEASE! Jeremiah dumped her onto the floor and kicked her in every available spot. No… He is with Ai.

Again, no one is good enough to save me but Draco! Let's just hope he's telepathic!

Quote :
Jeremiah's eyes gleamed as he picked her up and threw her, like a rag doll, at one of the pillars. Let me die now.

"I can't fuck you, but I can at least make you feel the pain that I felt." Jeremiah screamed in her face.

What, is he going to chop her balls off? And sure, maybe he can't put his penis inside her, but he could always rape her with a nearby instrument or something.

Quote :
"Go back to your precious Emperor. Don't tell anyone this happened. I'm sure that you can figure out something to say."

Wait, he's telling her to make excuses for her wounds? Look, I know this works with abusive parents and such, but in this case, it falls flat. Abused children make excuses for their parents because:

a) They've received this treatment all their lives and think they deserve it.
b) They feel some sort of emotional attachment to their parents because they feel that no one else would treat them any better.
and/or
c) They know that no adult can get them immediately removed from their parents as soon as they're told, and would therefore have to confront their parents after telling, who could make the child's life a living hell in order to keep them from telling again.

None of these excuses apply to Ginny right now. She knows she doesn't deserve to get beaten up, she doesn't give a shit what happens to Jeremiah, and most importantly, JEREMIAH HOLDS NO POWER IN GINNY'S LIFE. If she tells Draco about this, he can easily have Jeremiah banished or executed (Speaking of which, why is he allowed anywhere near the harem, balls or not?) within the blink of an eye, and Jeremiah will have no way to hurt her ever again.

The only reason Ginny can't tell Draco about the beating is because she needs to suffer in silence in order to provoke even more of Draco's righteous wrath, thus telling the audience about how twu their wub is.

Quote :
Gin could barely move. He kicked her again, "Did you HEAR me? If you tell anyone… I will do this again!"

If she tells, it will be physically impossible for him to do it again, because he'll be dead, out of the kingdom, or both! Ginny knows this is well within Draco's power, and she has no reason to believe that he wouldn't believe her, especially if she showed him all her bruises. THIS CONFLICT IS POINTLESS!

Quote :
She nodded weakly. Yes, whatever you say… Just leave me alone…

Did Ginny go mute or something? She hasn't said a damn thing aloud since she left her room this morning!

Quote :
"Good. I'm going now. See you darling. Until next time!" He waved at her cheerfully then left the hall.

"I just had to stop by because the Suethor can't be bothered to invent another villain! Seeya!"

Quote :
As soon as the echo of his footsteps was gone, Gin tried to lift herself off the floor. Using the pillar as support, she got onto her feet. There was blood everywhere. Her blood. Every step was torture. Every breath rattled her lungs, she winced, I must have broken a few ribs. It took her thirty minutes to get back when it had taken her five minutes to get there. One step at a time, you can do this. The guard was standing at attention at the harem door. When she saw him, she fell to the floor, unable to move, unable to express her happiness of her return. I made it.

Look, if there's so much blood and you've broken so many bones, how are you going to excuse this? I know the maids aren't going to believe you when you say you ran into a doorknob.

Quote :
His eyes widened at her condition. Her face was barely recognizable.

Who the hell is "he"?

And wait, barely recognizable? So she must have been punched pretty bad, possibly to the point of broken cheekbones, and certainly has at least one black eye, and her face must be swollen and purple... Overall, a horrendous sight to see for the next several days.

Not pointing this out for any reason, just sayin'...

Quote :
"Holy shit… Get her maids out here now!" He ordered the other guards.

So "he" was a guard. Question: are the guards to the harem also eunuchs? It sounds like they ought to be, what with Draco's ridiculous jealousy issues.

Quote :
"You three! Go find who did this… she was going to the temple. Start there… GO!" He ran over and picked her up carefully. He tensed as she screamed out in pain.

He walked slowly, cushioning each step. Maids and eunuchs came running out of the harem. Jen ran in quickly and turned chalk white at the pitiful sight, "Who would do this to her?" She whispered. As she came to her senses, Jen turned and yelled at the attending maids, "Get the healing lotion and a doctor. QUICKLY!"

Oh, yes, the healing lotion. As grmblfjx pointed out, a deus ex machina carefully designed to keep the characters from suffering any kind of consequences for their actions (except for Jeremiah, of course).

Quote :
The maids scattered. The eunuchs stood and stared.

"Follow me, carry her to her room please." The guard nodded.

The women stared at the guard and Jen curiously. When they saw his small burden, eyes widened. Sympathetic glances and touches were exchanged. Gin's raspy breath was all that could be heard in the silence of the harem. When the three had finally entered Ginevra's room, the women went about their daily lives somberly.

Only two people were unaware. Lost in their own world of lovemaking and joy. The Emperor and Ai.

What, are we supposed to be angry at Ai for distracting Draco from his twu wub in distress? Fuck no. Ai didn't ask to be in the harem any more than Ginny did, and she's come into favor with the Emperor, just like Ginny. THE EMPEROR wanted to have sex with her, so naturally she had no choice but to obey, and they are now enjoying themselves in the other room with no way of knowing what Ginny is going through. Hell, Ginny went to no effort to make what was happening known to anyone. She didn't scream, she didn't try to fight back against Jeremiah, she just telepathically begged Draco to save her.

And even Draco isn't completely at fault here. Sure, he's the one who wanted to have sex with Ai, but Ginny expressly permitted him to be with whoever he wanted, and he had no way of knowing that Ginny was in any trouble, which, again, Ginny didn't bother to try and notify him of anyway. Besides, what did Ginny expect, perfect fidelity? She's a member of a freakin' HAREM. It's exactly what it says on the tin.

Quote :
"Ginevra? The doctor is coming, he can heal you, but I need you to hold on."

In the dim recesses of her mind, Gin registered that it was Jen's voice. "Jen… Let me die..."

Finally, Ginny says something! But why does she want to die? To end the pain? Due to the ~*~*HEALING CREAM*~*~ she won't be able to feel that anyway, so why want to end it so finally?

I think it's supposed to say something about how there's nothing left in Ginny's life since she thinks Draco doesn't love her, but that just makes Ginny seem like a codependant bitch who can't live without her man.

Quote :
"Don't be ridiculous! You don't know what you are saying." Jen said sharply, "Doctor! Finally, you are here. She is delirious. You must work quickly."

Wincing in pain, Gin slipped off into unconsciousness.

"DAMMIT JEN, AGAIN WITH THE BANANA PEELS IN THE BED?!"

Quote :
"… severe blood loss, two broken ribs, severely bruised cranium, broken nose, broken jaw, twisted foot, 2nd grade minor spinal injury, several broken fingers and toes… the list goes on and on. I can't believe she managed to move after what happened."

Gin shifted in the bed and turned her head towards the speaker's voice. "How am I now?"

The Doctor jumped and when he saw she was awake, he smiled at her and took her bandaged hand in his very gently.

Wait, bandages are for external wounds, but we know the healing cream can heal those on contact. Why is she wearing any bandages, then? She should be wearing nothing but casts for all those broken bones.

Quote :
"My dear, I've fixed all I could. It was hard work; even with magic it is going to take you about two to three weeks to recover. Then I am going to have to ask you to take therapy, to regain use of the muscles and bones that have been repaired. I will check on your progress regularly." He tipped his hat and slipped out of the room after a whispered conversation with Jen.

Bluh, I don't even want to point out the inconsistencies in healing when compared to canon. I just want this chapter to be over already.

Quote :
"Jen, I don't want anyone but the maids, you and the doctor to see me until I am well again." When Gin saw Jen hesitate, she spoke as forcefully as she could, "I am serious! You have to understand."

Jen nodded. Sighing, she waved her wand and murmured the spells the doctor told her Ginevra needed every hour.

"Not even the Emperor…" Gin murmured as she fell asleep.

Silver eyes darkened with pain outside her door

Oh NOOOO, Draco feels SAAAAAD.

Oh goodness, this chapter drained me. Thank the gods there's only four left.
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SouthSimGal
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Wed Aug 15, 2012 9:58 pm

Quote :
Chapter 8: New Experiences and Revelations

New experiences? Like, a coherent plot? Character development? A romantic lead that isn't either a spineless blob or a rapist?

Quote :
"Jen! It's been almost an entire month! You have to let me try to stand!" Gin wheedled, "If I never try to stand, then I will never know if I can or not…"

The maids laughed as Jen stared at them helplessly,

Ha ha, it's funny to see someone's face as they deny someone the right to stand!

Quote :
"Very well. Here, I'll help you." Jen lifted the covers off and slipped Gin over to the edge of the bed.

Another maid ran up to support Gin's other side. The two hoisted Gin up carefully. Gin smiled, "My legs are quite shaky, but I think that I'm fine now."

Rich laughter floated into the room, "That is up to me to decide, not you!"

"Yeah, I know whether you feel alright, not you!"

Seriously, why is Jen in charge of that? She isn't a doctor, and we know that there's a doctor available, so why not consult him instead?

Quote :
Gin smiled at the doctor, "You know that I am fine, you just like to baby me."

The doctor grinned, "So, you can stand now? I do believe you can begin your therapy."

Oh, so the doctor did say that. When did he get here?

Quote :
Rich laughter floated into the room

I thought that was just an urple way of saying that people started laughing! Nice setting establishment you got there, Suethor.

And now that I'm not as tired as I was last chapter, I can whine about the inconsistencies in healing. How has it taken a month to heal Ginny? The main damage was apparently to her legs, but we know that Madame Pomfrey can "mend bones in a heartbeat", so I would assume that a royal Healer (why are they calling him a doctor, by the way?) could do just the same. I've heard a couple other Suethors say that Pomfrey can only mend bones, so any damage to tendons or ligaments have to heal just like in the Muggle world, but I don't buy that. Do you really think that Harry escaped damage to his tendons and muscles in his second year due to the rogue Bludger? Pomfrey must have healed those, as those can't heal in only one night.

Quote :
The doctor grinned, "So, you can stand now? I do believe you can begin your therapy."

"What is my therapy by the way?" Gin asked suspiciously.

"Dance." The doctor's eyes twinkled.

Um, what? I get it, dancing is good exercise, but shouldn't she try, you know, walking laps around her room first? Dancing takes a lot of energy, and if she really hasn't stood up in a month, then it can't be good for her to suddenly be dancing around. In fact, wouldn't it be easier to start her off with something even easier than walking, like swimming? I'm sure Draco's palace has some body of water she can splash around in.

Quote :
"Dance! How is THAT supposed to help me?" Gin said darkly.

"Firstly, you were supposed to take these classes anyways, because the anniversary of His Majesty's reign is coming up and all his women dance at that festival.

Shouldn't that be "are to dance at that festival"? The way you worded it sounded as if this festival had happened before, and Ginny specifically stated a few chapters ago that Draco's reign was not yet a year old. Unless of course this doctor is implying that Voldemort held a similar festival on the anniversary of his own reign, and that his harem danced at it, in which case I might just have to explain to them EXACTLY why Voldemort would not bother with a harem.

Quote :
Secondly, it will help you stretch and will strengthen your muscles.

Again, swimming or walking would be a more logical start after a month of being sedentary.

Quote :
Lastly, because I am your doctor and I've helped you get this far. You must trust me."

Um, that sounds a little suspicious for a doctor to say.

"So, it looks like you'll need Valium."

"Wait, I came in here with an ear infection, are you sure--?"

"I'm your DOCTOR! Don't you TRUST me?!"

Anyway, Ginny agrees and we have a time skip.

Quote :
Gin shifted against Jen nervously, "Jen, do you think I can do this? What if they stare at me?"

Jen chuckled and fussed with Gin's sweatpants,

Wait, SWEATPANTS? After all the costume porn, all the lavish fabrics and embroideries and fancy dresses and nightgowns, Ginny is wearing SWEATPANTS?! I know, she's getting ready to practice dancing, and that's not really something you want to do in a dress, but since when did functionality have priority over fashion in The Emperor's Harem? Sure, maybe she has injuries and has some sort of brace on her legs, but dresses can be worn over those! In fact, they'd be easier to put on! With all the billions of dresses Ginny has, I know there must be one comfortable enough to dance in, so why dress her in SWEATPANTS like she were a normal human being or something?

Quote :
"You'll do just fine, they will be happy to see you. Besides, if you mess up, no one would blame you. You have only been walking for a few days."

Okay, so she has been walking for a little while. Why didn't the doctor mention this? He said "You're ready for your therapy." as if she were going to start it today, why not say, "After a few more days of walking, you'll be ready to practice dancing."?

Quote :
Jen smiled as she pushed Gin towards the door softly, "Go on! Good luck."

Gin sighed and made her way through the concealing cloths hanging across the doorframe. As she thrust the satin material aside, Gin was gasped as a bedazzling room greeted her.

"Hello!" Said the bedazzling room. "My name is Bob, what's yours?"

Quote :
The entire room was completely made of mirrors; the floor, the ceiling and all four walls.

Oh crap, we're in the climax of the first Twilight movie! Wait, if she's there, then James will show up and try to eat her, then our story will be over! YAY!

Quote :
Gin looked at the floor and gigged as she saw her face staring back in astonishment.

"Mistress Ginevra, welcome to my class." The soft haunting voice resounded in the room.

Gin looked up and was lost as she stared at the exquisite outfits that each of the women in the room were wearing. All consisted of two main body pieces, the one that covered their breasts clung tightly to each curve, it dipped to show flashes of cleavage. It left their flat toned stomachs bare. The second piece was the pants, they were made of a silky material and were slung low on the hips. The pants were hung loosely and Gin could just make out the curves of their thighs. The cloth was cinched tightly just above the ankle. Veils were fastened on each face and the clear twinkling of jewelry could be heard from their ankles and wrists. Some of the women held long pieces of silky see through cloth that was partially wrapped around their lithe bodies.

Basically, the harem is cosplaying as Jasmine from Aladdin. And if this was the uniform for dancing, then why was Ginny allowed to show up wearing SWEATPANTS?

Quote :
Others had tambourines or small daggers.

I understand the tambourines, but why the daggers? Are those really dancing props?

Quote :
"I… I… I think I am in the wrong class. I will be going now." Like a trapped deer, Gin began edging back towards the door.

The women slipped around her and pulled her gently towards the speaker. "No. You will not go. No. This is not the wrong class." A woman dressed in a gorgeous rich purple beckoned to Gin.

Wow, I wish I had a gorgeous rich purple to wear.

Quote :
"This is what you must do for your therapy. Everything you do, even medical matters, must enhance your beauty for the Emperor."

And there it is. The Suethor just went out and said it. Not only do these women have no choice but to have sex with the Emperor, but they cannot do anything to make themselves unattractive to him. Their rights end where his wants begin. They have no right to displease him, because they are, in essence, only tools used to serve a purpose.

Quote :
The woman's eyes were unreadable above her veil.

Oh yeah, and what's with all the Middle-Eastern themes in this story? The eunuchs, the palace, the temple, the costumes, even the nature of the harem itself is all very stereotypically Arabian-esque, yet this is supposed to be jolly old England. Sure, jolly old England after Voldemort's done with it, but I doubt Voldemort would have taken much from ancient Middle-Eastern culture, as his idol seemed to be Salazar Slytherin, who was, as far as we know, European. Did Draco adopt all this? I could see him wanting a harem, but why bother with all the culture that comes with it? It just doesn't seem like Draco's style to dabble in a way of life that he wasn't raised in.

Quote :
"These women here were specially picked for skill of this particular dancing. Not all harem women have this privilege. You were lucky to get this position.

Well, why did she get it? Ginny has no experience with dancing, and she's kind of injured at the moment. There are other ways of physical therapy besides dancing, you know, and even if there weren't she doesn't have to be in this particular class.

Quote :
I am sure you will learn quickly." Eyes smiled at Gin. "This dance is the dance of seduction; the dance of a beautiful woman, who entranced all men because of her confidence in herself and, of course, in her dancing. She moved like water, moved in a way that aroused men with just a flick of her hair."

"See, her hair was very good at giving hand jobs."

Quote :
The class remained silent, although Gin was sure that they had heard this before. "This dance takes some skill, but a lot of it is passion. You must feel your confidence, you must know that men desire you and that they are watching you."

Gin blushed, "That sounds great, but it doesn't exactly sound like the therapy I had in mind…"

"I mean, as much as I'd love to attract a man's attention after getting repeatedly molested and brutalized by him, this doesn't sound like my cup of tea."

Quote :
A woman in light pink laughed, "To do this dance, you must be flexible, and you must have complete control over each of your movements. This is so you can determine which moves would be the most… appropriate for the occasion. You must determine what reaction there might be to each movement, so you can better manipulate the audience."

Gin nodded slowly, "I think I understand now. The only problems is, I don't have any of the," she paused and blushed, fumbling for a word, "equipment you have."

"I don't think I have enough, uh, junk in the trunk for this dance."

Quote :
The class burst into laughter and the teacher's eyes sparkled with amusement, "I hope you mean our clothes, scarves and jewelry."

Gin blushed bright red, wishing that she was wearing a veil. "Yes… that's what I meant."

The teacher grinned, "You will receive your own room and outfits after you learn the basics of this particular dance."

Um, why does she need her own room? Is it a dressing room? I kind of figured that the dancers all dressed in the same room, like most groups of dancers do.

Quote :
Gin smiled back tentatively. The teacher nodded in approval and began to speak once more, "Although all of the Emperor's women dance, only 10 of the entire harem of 400-odd are chosen to dance in this particular style. It is common knowledge that this is one of the most favored of the Emperor's dances." She spoke sharply, ensuring that Gin was listening, "This dance is extremely prestigious and we only have 3 months before the Emperor's festival for his women.

Blah, blah, blah, snip a paragraph of stretches and the teacher telling Ginny to call her Mistress Verain. This whole chapter is so boring and pointless, I could probably snip the whole thing. Anyway, Ginny feels some pain while dancing, but Verain says that's normal and to keep going, and finally the class is over and Ginny goes to talk to Jen.

Quote :
"How was it? You don't know how much I had to go through to get you into that class."

Gin looked over at Jen in surprise. "You got me into that class?"

Jen smiled to herself, "Of course I did… with a little help from the Doctor."

Doctor Who helped Ginny get into a dance class?! Gee, that doesn't really seem like his area of expertise.

Quote :
Gin opened her mouth to speak but Jen interrupted quickly, "The Doctor is waiting for you back in your room.

And hundreds of Whovians cried in jealousy.

Quote :
If you hurry the examination will be complete quickly and you can take a lovely, relaxing hot bath, just as Mistress Verain suggested."

Gin groaned at the thought and immediately increased her pace. Jen's laughter echoed in the halls.

Why is Jen always laughing? There's nothing to laugh about here!

Quote :
When they entered the harem, Gin was stopped by several of the women. After she had assured them that she was perfectly healthy and was back to normal, she smiled and made her way back to her room with Jen.

"Ginny! Wait!"

Gin turned, "Hermione… what's wrong?"

"Who has the person who did that to you? The guards haven't been able to locate them yet. Any idea?" Hermione panted as she finally reached Gin and gave her a hug.

A shadow passed over Gin's eyes.

Go back to your precious Emperor. Don't tell anyone this happened. I'm sure that you can figure out something to say. Did you HEAR me? If you tell anyone… I will do this again!

Again, why is Ginny afraid of this threat? If she tells Draco about this, then it will end immediately. She won't even have to SEE Jeremiah again. Seriously, this is a mockery of real abuse victims.

Quote :
"I fell down the stairs on my way back from the temple. That's all."

"Gin, there are no stairs on the way to the temple or back! That would be impos—"

THANK YOU, HERMIONE! Even when your character is butchered, you'll always be my favorite.

Quote :
"Herm, the Doctor is waiting for me in my room. I got to go. I'll talk to you as soon as I can." Gin shouted over her shoulder as she hurriedly ran to her room.

Well, I agree, if the Doctor were in my room, I'd be getting there in a hurry, too.

Quote :
Suddenly she ran into something hard. Not again. Not here. Shivering, she looked up into a pair of brown eyes. Gin blinked. Silver eyes. Draco.

Yeah, how do you mistake silver for brown? There about as far apart on the spectrum as possible.

Quote :
"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there—" A warm voice muttered over her head, "Are you alright… Weasley? Is that you?"

Gin clenched her fists. Suddenly a horrifying thought came to her. Jeremiah is a man. Draco is a man. Jeremiah beat me. Draco whipped me. They are the same. She gasped and her knees buckled.

FINALLY! SOME RESENTMENT AND FEAR FOR THE MAN WHO BEAT AND WANTED TO RAPE HER!

Quote :
"It's back to Weasley is it?" Gin managed to snap weakly.

"What is wrong?" Draco reached out to steady her but Gin flinched and stumbled backwards.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Gin cried. Tears began to stream down her face.

Oh gosh, this reminds me of Edward from [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].

Quote :
Her eyes closed as she heard a whistle in the air as the whip descended on her back. Stars flashed in front of her eyes as an excruciating agony burst out angrily. A strange substance dripped down her now ruined bathrobe onto the stone floor which she was spread out on. Her blood.

A flashback to her whipping. Why has it taken this long for the trauma to sink in? It took no time at all for her to become a quaking little abuse-muffin after Jeremiah beat her, and yet it takes over a month for her to realize that she was tortured at the command of the man she seems to worship?

Quote :
Screaming wildly, she ran blindly to her room.

See, she's channeling Brewdening!Edward again:

Quote :
"NO DARKO DON'T CUM NEAR MI!" She screemd and ran away.

Sorry, I had to.

Quote :
Away. Further and further away. Away from those who hurt me.

"GINEVRA!" Draco's confused voice called out to her.

What have I done? My darling Empress, forgive me.

So Ginny is finally acting like a normal person after being assaulted. While this change in character is welcome, it makes no sense that it comes now instead of after the very first case, and I hate the message that it seems to be trying to get across:

It's not molestation if the man who does it is hot and OH-SO-SWEET underneath his rapist persona, because you always wanted it anyway. But if someone who isn't destined to become your twu wub does it, THEY ARE BEYOND ALL HUMANITY AND MUST BE CASTRATED AND CRUCIFIED.

Really, just the above moral is enough. You don't need to read the rest of the fic, that will give you the same reaction. Unfortunately, I have to.

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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Thu Aug 16, 2012 12:04 pm

So within he first paragraph I had a complaint that bugged me so much I didn't manage to read the rest.

If you spent the last four weeks in bed (and I'm going to ignore the question why the hell she even was), you are not going to be all "help me up? Oh, yeah, I think I'm good. Yeah. Thanks. Let's dance!"
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Thu Aug 16, 2012 7:27 pm

Y'know the idea of a Harry Potter villain having a harem could work. Except it couldn't be Draco's harem because the Malfoys had fallen out of favor with the dark lord, but if it were one of the others, and rather than going for the fluffy "Girl falls in love with said dark lord because he's TEH HAWT!!!!111 and that's all that matters!!!!!111" have her join the Harem simply because food is scarce and the harem, while unpleasant, puts her in the position to distribute food and resources to her loved ones and try in some small way to alleviate the massive suffering going on, and if you wanna write that kind of story, you can have her working with the resistance, funneling information to them.

But this is clearly fap material. In fact, I wouldn't hate this fic so much if it was original fic: if they want to have harem fantasies, let them have them; besides if the internet has taught you anything, it's that there's way more disturbing material out there. But calling this Harry Potter fanfiction fills me with righteous rage.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Fri Aug 17, 2012 2:49 pm

Quote :
Chapter 9: On the Brink and Deception

On the brink AND on the deception? Poor Ginny must be having a REALLY bad time.

Quote :
Gasping for breath, Gin slammed the door behind her and bolted it shut. Her fingers trembling and her face pale, she stumbled to her bed and delved under the covers. She clutched her pillow to her body tightly and occasionally an unintelligible noise passed her lips. The pain was too much to bear. They were the same.

Ah, yes, last chapter we finally received a proper reaction from Ginny after being molested by two different men. Over a month ago.

Quote :
"- don't think she will need anymore check-ups. She is physically fit and mentally stable."

HURR HURR IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE SHE ISN'T

Quote :
The voice of the kindly Doctor echoed in the tall ceilings of the room,

Look, Ginny, cheer up. The Doctor is nearby! Thousands of squeeing fangirls would kill to be in your place right now!

And the voice is echoing against the ceiling of WHAT room? He's obviously not in Ginny's room, because he didn't notice her running in and crying. How can she hear him? Are the palace's walls that thin?

Quote :
"Of course, we still need to locate the attacker and have him or her punished duly."

Gin froze, not daring to move as she listened to the rest of the sentence with baited breath. "I'm surprised the Emperor has done nothing. One of his women was attacked and there hasn't been an increase in security or a personal guard to escort her around at all times. I would have thought he would have been concerned about Ginevra. She is after all, one of his favorites, isn't she?"

He hasn't done that because they're taking a break and he's SOMEHOW forgotten about her, just like he said he would. Well, let's hope Ginny can take a lesson from this and find out that Draco is bad news, and maybe even try to escape...

Quote :
The Doctor rounded the corner and his eyes met with a screaming woman in frenzy, attacking her bed sheets and pillows with an anger fiercer than anything he had seen in a long time. Alarmed, he ran to her bedside and physically restrained her. Pinning her to the bed with his body weight, he called desperately to the maids, "Bring the guards here quickly. She must be stopped before she hurts herself!"

"Don't remind me! Don't remind me! Don't remind me! Don't say it! Don't say it! Don't say it!" Fiery hair flying and eyes wild, her mantra was screeched out at the top of her lungs.

...or she could throw a tantrum about how she isn't her darling Draco's favorite anymore. That's good, too.

Quote :
Silver eyes closed. A head turned towards the source of sorrow and anger.

No one shall hurt my Empress.

Okay, Draco doesn't want anyone to hurt her. So why isn't he assigning her guards, like the doctor said? Why didn't he visit her while she was bedbound?

Oh, I know why he hasn't visited her. He blames himself for what happened and feels SOOOO guitly about it that he just couldn't show his face to her because he thought she hated him. I'll admit, I haven't read ahead, but I'm pretty sure it's either that or it's never explained.

Quote :
Amidst the commotion, the guards entered the room. Swiftly, as if this was something they had done a million times before, they secured her down onto the bed.

Um, am I a perv or does this sound... icky? I mean, in the second chapter, we heard this:

Quote :
Any disobedience will be rewarded with a night in the soldier's barracks and you will be forced to do whatever they want you to do.

And I'm guessing that the soldiers in question would double as guards... so really...

Quote :
Muscles straining, they held her limbs down firmly.

EW EW EW STOP.

Quote :
The Doctor shook his head sorrowfully at the sight. Gently, he held Gin's face in his hands.

The Doctor is joining in?! Doc, I thought you were above that!

Quote :
"What must I not remind you of?" He twisted her head around, forcing her to look straight into his eyes. "What must I not say?"

Chocolate amber eyes, red-rimmed and wet from tears burned into his.

Look, chocolate and amber are two very different shades of brown. Nothing can be both of them.

Quote :
Flinching, his gaze wavering. He shook her, hard. "Tell me." The Doctor commanded.

Whispered words, so soft, "You must never mention him again." Her eyes that spoke of a horrifying revelation, "Never ever."

"Who?"

"Him. It. Them. He. They hurt me. Don't speak their name. Shh… They will hear you and find me." Ginevra hissed. Her expression changed, "Come closer." Her eyes slanted, mouth quirked.

The Doctor motioned to the guards, hands shaking. Cautiously he moved as close as he dared to the pinioned woman.

"His name is…" She paused; the Doctor leaned in closely, "Harry Potter."

Okay, am I missing something? There had better not be a rapist!Harry subplot in here. I thought for sure that at least Harry would remain in character, what with being dead before the story began.

Quote :
Let me make it better.

These are Draco's thoughts again. Seriously, is Draco going to actually DO anything for the rest of the fic? I mean, I guess it's better than raping everybody, but I would like to see him make an effort to actually act on his good thoughts.

Quote :
The Doctor jerked back in horror. "Never speak his name." Shivering, he looked back his patient. "Jen. Jennifer!"

The maid bustled in and stopped dead in her tracks, "What happened here?" She shrieked. Murder in her eyes, she brandished her wand and pointed it at the guards.

WHAT?! Jen has a WAND?! She has never been seen doing any sort of magic whatsoever, unless of course you count her use of the healing cream, and now she's suddenly pointing it at people and expecting them to listen?

Quote :
"Jen! No. Listen to me." The Doctor gripped her shoulders, nails biting into her skin. "Something has triggered a mental breakdown. I need to keep a close watch on her for the next 48 hours."

Jen nodded slowly and watchfully withdrew to the maid's quarters. The Doctor sighed, rolled up his sleeves and began his work.

Doctor, we do NOT need to know what you and the guards are doing to her for the next 48 hours.

Quote :
"Let me in at once!" The Emperor's voice boomed angrily as he banged on the door. "Jen! LET ME IN!"

YES! Finally! The fucking EMPEROR is actually doing something other than brood and whimper about how his rape victims don't love him!

Quote :
"I'm so sorry, Milord, but it simply cannot be done." A resolute voice came from the other side of the only barrier between him and Ginevra.

"I command you to open this door immediately. On the pain of death, if you do not allow me in, your head shall hang from these walls by tomorrow." A change in attitude, a chilling voice.

"No." Infuriated, Draco prepared to blast the door down. "If I let you in, she will die."

Draco's insides froze, time stopped, breathing labored. "Die?" He rasped.

YES! DRACO! GO IN! END THIS FIC!

Quote :
"There was so much chemistry, you two were meant to be." Whispered words came through the wood. He was a starving man and the words were food. Draco gripped the door panels tightly and listened intently.

Alright, I don't wanna step on anyone's personal beliefs about fate and destiny and such... but here we go. FUCKING CHEMISTRY DOESN'T MATTER IF ONE OF THE PARTNERS IS A RAPIST! He has done nothing but be a complete bastard to her, what with biting her, belittling her, molesting her, having her whipped, and then expecting her to be grateful for it! How, how, HOW does that symbolize that they were made for each other? What scale of "chemistry" doesn't take the way the two treat each other into account? Not a single interaction between these two, in canon and especially in this fic, convinced me that these two were meant to be!

Quote :
"You played her, like any other woman. You beat her, like any other woman. You left her, like any other woman. Young master, I told you. [/b]She is not like any other woman.[/b]

Did you guys see that? DID YOU MOTHERFUCKING SEE THAT?! YES, THEY JUST WENT OUT AND SAID IT:

All women deserve to be raped. They deserve to be beaten. They deserve to be treated like a fuck-toy and nothing else. It's just in their nature. It's what they were made for.

BUT HEAVEN FORBID YOU DO THAT TO GINNY! GINNY ALONE stands out from all individuals as the one woman who does NOT deserve to get raped and debased to the point of sex slavery! SHE. IS. THAT. SPESHUL.

I WISH I COULD USE AN EMOTICON TO EXPRESS THIS RAGE, BUT THERE ISN'T ONE. THERE IS NO SMILEY, NO IMAGE, NOTHING TO DESCRIBE THE ANGER I HAVE FOR THIS FUCKING SUETHOR. SO I WILL CONTINUE TO SPORK UNTIL MY BRAIN INEVITABLY MELTS.

Quote :
"She was already delicate, what you have done has ruined her. What they have done has ruined her."


"You've done the same thing to the other 399 girls in your harem, but of course, they don't matter. They're just NORMAL people."

Quote :



Draco froze, "Who is this they?"

"The men who have hurt her. The unidentified attacker."

Jaws clenched, "Attacker? Ginevra was attacked? Who dare do this? Jen, let me in at once! I must question her. I must find the man who dare hurt her."

Wait, Draco didn't even know she was attacked? No one bothered to report it to him? He didn't notice that Ginny didn't leave her room for a month? Why did the doctor feel so surprised that Draco hadn't ordered extra guards? He hadn't reported the attack or Ginny's condition to him at all!

Quote :
A sharp voice cut him off, "No. There are others." Draco growled.

"Harry Potter. You."

Draco opened his mouth to speak.

"Hear me out. Harry Potter hurt her before and during the war. Like the mindless fool he was, he distanced himself from her. He left her, to 'protect' her. She was hurt anyways. She was in the war too. She had to watch him die.

Fuck. You. Suethor. Just, fuck you. What the hell was Harry supposed to do?! Take the woman he loved along with him on an almost certainly deadly journey?

Okay, I suppose there is an argument against that: if he truly respected her, he wouldn've known that she could protect herself instead of putting her on a pedestal and thinking she needed protection.

I can see that. But the above bit of Harry-bashing isn't about not trusting her to protect herself, it's about not taking her poor wittle feewings into account and bweaking her wittle heart, boo hoo. Look, Harry knew that the separation would hurt her. He knew she would take a while to get over it. But he knew that even without him, she would still have a future, hopefully a Voldemort-free one, that he couldn't give her if he stayed behind or brought her along. He took almost nothing BUT her feelings into account when he left her. This whole "he left me for my safety waaaah" reeks of Bella Swan.

Quote :
"You. I have no words for you. You know what you have done wrong. All I can offer is advice."

He turned away from the door. Running over the words in his head.

"Leave her alone. Let her be. Return to the woman you left her for. Forget her."

In a swirl of black cloth, the Emperor left. Angrily contemplating what Jen had so harshly delivered.

Speaking in fragments. For emphasis.

Quote :
Goodbye, My Empress.

It is now up to you.

You must come to me.

Goodbye, Ginevra.

Wait, you were told to forget her, not to leave the choice up to her. I mean, look how much good that's done over the last month.

Quote :
Heavy footsteps faded. A slim hand on the doorknob, dark almond eyes peered out of the crack in the door. A small smile. A dainty figure stepped out and shut the door firmly behind her.

--

I am sorry Ginevra.

I love him.

I will not be second best.

Um, who was that? Since she said "almond-shaped eyes", I would assume that it was Ai, but when Ai was introduced, she had blue eyes.

And NO. No, Suethor, you are not going to do this. You will not make the villain some random girl who has Stockholm syndrome and a bizarre lust for rapists. I will NOT allow it.
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textrix

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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Fri Sep 07, 2012 3:41 pm

I laughed so hard at this snark!!!!!! It was very well done. You made me waste my entire afternoon when I was supposed to be working. =)
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SouthSimGal
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Fri Sep 07, 2012 6:34 pm

Quote :
Chapter 10: Waking Up and Forgetfulness

Ooh, is Ginny going to wake up and find that the whole fic was just a dream, which she soon forgets? I like that idea...

Quote :
"Ginevra? Can you hear me?" Blearily, her mind registered the voice. "If you can hear me. Try to blink. It will hurt, but you must try."

It will hurt to blink? She didn't seem to be in any pain yesterday, so how did a mental breakdown hurt her eyelids?

Quote :
Grimacing inwardly, feeling like she had been stretched on a rack, Gin attempted to move her eyelids. Pain erupted and she screamed. "OH GOD. I feel like my muscles are on fire!"

Again, what happened to cause this pain? Did the Doctor give her electroshock therapy?

Quote :
Grimacing, she could hear a soft chuckle from her bedside.

"LOLOLOL, muscles on fire are funny!!!1"

Seriously, why do all the backup characters laugh way too often?

Quote :
"Mistress Ginevra. I need you to open your eyes." A finger appeared. Blink. Ouch. Blink. "Good. Now follow my finger with your eyes." Left. Ouch. Right. Ouch.

"Listen carefully. You had a mental lapse. I suspect it was an aftershock from your physical lapse. We need to know what caused it so we can prevent you from having an relapse."

Physical... lapse? What, you mean her injuries? That's not what "lapse" means, Suethor.

Quote :
--

"Are you alright… Weasley? Is that you?"

-

Jeremiah is a man. Draco is a man. Jeremiah beat me. Draco whipped me. They are the same

-

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

-

Away. Further and further away. Away from those who hurt me.

--


Look, if this were a movie or an audio drama, these mini-flashbacks would be artistic and interesting. In a written medium, however, they are unnecessary and annoying as hell.

Quote :
"I… I don't remember."

"What do you mean… you can't remember?" A concerned and motherly tone came from her left.

Gin started off the bed, then screamed out as her muscles contracted and convulsed. Light flashed before her eyes.

"Stupefy!"

Blackness.

Well, I guess it's better than her just randomly fainting.

Quote :
"… Should be moved permanently into therapy, Milord."

A warm voice, a tender caress, "Are you sure? Will her condition improve?" That touch.

Dat ass.


Quote :
A hand at her pulse, "I don't know. She will most likely suffer from temporary amnesia.

Yes, every injury results in amnesia.

CLICHE COUNT: Oh, whoops, I forgot that this wasn't [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].

Quote :
Medically speaking, I can guarantee that she will improve to a certain extent. The rest is up to her."

Yes, it's all up to the victim to make sure they get over their amnesia.

Quote :
"It seems that she is going to wake up soon, Milord. Something about you affects her. Both of you must have a strong bond."

"I guess that whole 'kidnapping and molestation' thing is a great way to build relationships."

Quote :
Milord…

"I can only hope that is true. I can only hope that my jewel will shine brightly once more." Jewel… Treasure…

"Oh boy, my rapist came to visit me! I'm sure that will lift my spirits!"

Quote :
"I will do everything in my power to help her shine again.

"That whole 'cover her in margarine and roll her in a pile of glitter' thing seemed a little extreme, but I'll do all I can."

Quote :
If all goes well, you will see her at the festival in four months. It was kind of you to move the date back, that would be enough time for her to rejuvenate and would allow her to perform with all your other women."

WHY IS HER BEING AT THE FESTIVAL SO GODDAMN IMPORTANT? You're keeping the entire kingdom waiting for MONTHS just to pander to your rape victim? Besides, wasn't the whole point of the festival that it was on the anniversary of Draco's rule? So now you're celebrating your anniversary four months late. You know, why not just hold the festival as planned, then throw another one once she recovers? Four months between festivals is a decent gap, and even if it wasn't, you're the EMPEROR, you can get away with it.

Quote :
"Milord, I suggest you leave now, Madame Ai has been at the door for over an hour." A guard called from the doorway.

She's just stood there for an hour? Doesn't she have places to BE?

Quote :
"She knows that I am here?" A heavy sigh. Ai…

"If you don't mind me saying so, Your Highness. You don't have to explain yourself to a mere harem girl."

"I mean, it's not like they're uber speshul like THIS mere harem girl."

Quote :
A chuckle and a parting kiss on her forehead. Warm lips. "Thank you Doctor. Take care of her." A movement and the sound of footsteps to the door. The door opened with a creak and the footsteps pause. "Don't forget. Don't mention me to her. She will come to me when she is ready."

So, here's Draco's master plan of romance, if I'm not mistaken: she's been horribly injured, and he never even found out about it(?), but when he finally saw her for the first time in a month, she suffered an emotional breakdown and ran away. The doctor has informed him that she is probably suffering from amnesia, and is most likely going to have to struggle to get by for a while, so Draco decides that he won't see her unless she "comes to him"? What, is she not worthy of his love if she doesn't ask to see her rapist, even though she has no way of knowing that he wants to see her at all? Because his ideal woman will seek after a man who hasn't lifted a finger to see her in her time of need? Well, this is very telling.

Quote :
A rustle as a courtly bow is executed, "But of course, Milord."

A decisive click as the door closes.

We expected the door to waffle around a bit before closing, but no, it was very decisive.

Quote :
Darkness.

Draco…

WHOAH! That was DRACO the whole time? Gee, I thought it was Jeremiah, or maybe on of the unnamed background males, but it was actually DRACO sopping about how much he's worried about Ginny. Thank goodness the Suethor held his name until the end of the scene, instead of spoiling this great payoff by mentioning it early on.

Quote :
"Ennervate."

Gin mumbled as soft cold cloths were wiped gently across her sweat soaked forehead.

So now she has a fever? WHAT IS WITH THIS EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN? The Rule of Drama shouldn't apply to everything, Suethor.

Quote :
Shaking violently, arms flailing she pushed them away.

"Mistress Ginevra? It is time for you to wake up." A soft husky voice came from above.

"I know your voice." She heard herself say. Her eyes opened and she stared into the sad dark eyes of Mistress Verain.

Who was obviously standing at her bedside, what with being a dance instructor who had only met Ginny once and all. It's not like Ginny has nearly enough maids to tend to her fever all on their own.

Quote :
--

…Should be moved permanently into therapy, Milord


--

We are not goldfish, Suethor. We can do without the flashbacks to what happened a few paragraphs ago.

Quote :
"Mistress Ginevra?" Concerned faces surrounded her line of vision.

"Is that my name?"

Oh boy, nothing like amnesia brought on by... whatever a "mental lapse" is. I'm guessing that means that her entire life just "slipped her mind" one day.

Quote :
Her arms and fingers flexed experimentally, delicate white hands appeared. The woman handed her a mirror silently. A pale face surrounded by a shocking red mass of tangled hair stared back at her. Curious, milky white fingers

Why is Ginny's skin always milky?! Most gingers have heavily freckled skin, and if that's what your milk looks like, Suethor, I'm not surprised you're writng things like this.

Quote :
glided across the well-defined eyebrows and small nose. The pouty lips

--had been carefully maintained by years of constand pouting.

Quote :
"Ginevra…" She whispered to herself. The olive-skinned woman nodded encouragingly and moved away to set the mirror down.

"I remember. My name is Ginevra." Gin murmured. Confused eyes stared piercingly at the Mistress. "Why can I not remember anything? Why can I not remember your name?"

"My name is Mistress Verain."

--

Call me Mistress or Teacher Verain…

This TOTALLY warrants another goldfish flasback, you guys.

Quote :
"Yes. You… teach me something." The class smiled in relief. "What is a Draco?" The women froze.

"It's a constellation in the far northern sky, dear. Or there's that Draco doppelganger sitting on the throne right now."

Quote :
"Pardon, Darling. Repeat that." Gin shifted nervously, was that a glimmer of laughter in the Mistress Verain's eyes?

Of course it was, all the background characters in this fic have Uncontrollable Laughing Syndrome. It's a horrifying disorder.

Quote :
"What is a Draco?" She repeated.

"Their bond is strong.

"Wow, she remembered his name after getting unexplained amnesia! You know that means the Suethor wants them to be together."

Quote :
She will recover, he won't let her leave." Mistress Verain announced to the others.

Well, that sounded only slightly creepy as hell.

Quote :
"Now go, prepare her room. We will dress her today."

"Yes, we've been without costume porn for so long! Tonight we will feast upon clothing descriptions until our bellies burst!"

Quote :
Gin winced as Mistress Verain slipped back her covers and bent her back into a sitting position. "You didn't answer my question. What is a Draco?"

Mistress Verain, apparently unable to hear, hoisted Gin until she stood upright. As they made slow and steady

--love...

Quote :
progress across the room, the Mistress spoke. "You must find what a Draco is yourself. A Draco will be your purpose, your destiny and your love."

Yes, because her "purpose" and "destiny" is nothing but her rapist. Nothing else she could do is important, of course.

Quote :
"I know this room."

--

…completely made of mirrors; the floor, the ceiling and all four walls

--

Mistress Verain smiled. "I know you do."


She halted and spoke, "An initiation for each new member of our class. Is that the old members dress her for her first time.

"After we gang-rape you. I mean, we lesbians in the harem have to have SOME fun, right?"

Quote :
Several outfits and appropriate jewelry has been selected for you. More have been chosen and will be sent here by your maids as soon as they are ready."

NO.

Quote :
Her tone softened, "I know you are confused. Let me explain. This is a dance classroom. You are here to learn to the dance of seduction. You must learn quickly, we have a performance in 4 months. Originally we had about two to three months, but the festival date was postponed."

"We will not tell you anything about the nature of this performance, or why it is so important that you be in it. We will simply force you to practice with us."

Quote :
"Yes, you have maids. Ask no more questions. All will sort itself out in time."

"Also, you've kinda been sold into sex slavery and have no choice but to submit to the will of the man who owns you."

"Wait, what?"

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT ASKING QUESTIONS?!"

I will snip Verain leading Ginny around the dance studio, and then her maids showing up to give her her clothes. Time for gang-rape a friendly bonding moment with some girls we don't even know the names of.

Quote :
She blushed as they slipped off her bra and her breasts spilled out.

They had melted from overexposure to radiation.

Quote :
The gauzy material clung to her breasts enticingly. Her underwear were pulled down her long legs and a small lacy thong fashioned from the same material was fastened.

THIS IS SO RELEVANT, YOU GAIZ.

Quote :
The pants went on next, gliding up her legs and cinched tightly at her slim waist. Many women nodded approvingly as they spanned her waist with their hands. Then they cinched the material of her pants at her ankles. A woman in a beautiful white material spoke, "Step down and twirl around once or twice. If anything falls off… We will have to start again."

Gin blushed and the women laughed. Gingerly she slipped off the mountain of mats and pillows. Shyly, she made a small turn. Gin gasped in delight as the wind caught in the silky material. "I feel like I'm flying!"

Pants... that make you feel like you're flying. Ginny, you are a bit too easily amused.

Quote :
Mistress Verain's eyes glistened, "Yes. That is how it is meant to be.

For a moment after I read this, I thought Verain was saying that "flying pants" were the way LIFE was supposed to be. Well, I guess we can dream...

Quote :
Now we must complete your make-up and hair." The group lead Gin to the vanity, the mirror had been covered by a thick velvet cloth. It was pulled aside and Gin sat in front of it carefully. "So, this is the outfit I must wear to do the dance you are going to teach me."

"Yes."

A thin brush dipped in a pot of black kohl was brushed across her eyelids.

Kohl is another Middle-Eastern element. Why, Suethor, why introduce all these Arabian themes so pointlessly and without explanation?

Quote :
A thin layer of red rogue was swiped across her cheeks. Her hair was brushed out, Gin wincing as the knots were pulled out mercilessly. The red locks were pinned up and her hair flowed down her back like a river of blood.

Actually, that was just from a cut she got from the other girls trying to shave her back.

Quote :
Gin stared at the mirror. Entranced with the image in front of her, she stood slowly, wobbling slightly from her weakness. Suddenly a rush of confidence engulfed her whole being.

"I am Mistress Ginevra. I shall learn the dance of seduction. I will find my Draco!"

--

Awaken, my Empress

--

Okay, so this is setting up a happy ending, with the two lovers trying to reach each other against all odds-- wait a minute. There are no odds against them, other than the laws of canon, which they ground to a pulp long ago. Again, there is no reason for Draco to be avoiding Ginny; if he wants to know whether she wants him, he can ask. Ginny is the one who has to find him, even though she has no idea who he is and therefore has no reason to love him.

Good news, though: there is only one chapter left. And it was written in 2007, so we can safely assume that there will be no late update. So, only one hideous waste of time left for me! HOORAY!
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textrix

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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Fri Sep 07, 2012 8:10 pm

Isn't it interesting how we can get so much humour out of so terrible a thing? Is it masochistic that I wish s/he had written more? The simple answer is yes.
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Sat Sep 08, 2012 2:33 am


Quote :
A thin layer of red rogue was swiped across her cheeks. Her hair was brushed out, Gin wincing as the knots were pulled out mercilessly. The red locks were pinned up and her hair flowed down her back like a river of blood.


Emphasis mine. So - a character in another fandom is called Rogue but is constantly misspelled as "Rouge". A cosmetic called "rouge" is constantly misspelled as "rogue". Spell-checkers are no substitute for literacy, guys!
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PostSubject: Re: The Emperor's Harem   Sat Sep 08, 2012 8:41 am

It's like the author started writing a different story half way through. Instead of having a creepy rapefic in which the woman already knew her attacker and has to deal with that, we now have a creepy rapefic in which the woman doesn't know anything at all about the upcoming act and will have a first-time sex scene in which she is helpless to Draco instead of a first-time sex scene in which she is helpless to her own body.

Not that there's anything wrong with the latter if both parties agreed to it beforehand. This fic is rubbish about consent, from Draco himself right down to the nameless army of maids who keeping poking at Ginny with makeup brushes.
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