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 So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school

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S-r-ex

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Join date : 2012-03-31
Age : 27

PostSubject: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:34 am

Having made a couple of snarks over at Twilight Sucks, I decided to join up here as well. My first snark was the old timer Face the Strange, but now I've moved on to a certain "HollywoodUndeadLover528". So for now, I'll put what I have so far in this story called "Runaway Princess" here, which has 5 chapters so far. If people would like me to, I'll throw in "Found" as well, a separate story running in parallel from the same author.

Notably, I won't question the grammar too often. Maybe it was a bad idea starting with FtS. Besides, I'm Norwegian, so English isn't even my first language (though I'd like to claim I'm adequately well-versed).

Everything from here is now just copypasta (besides minor typo edits), starting with the blurb. Prepare for one huge tl:dr. If the mods pester me enough, maybe I'll split it chapter-wise and rack up my post count. Additional comments will be in red.

Also, since I can post links just like that yet, can some mod just fix it?

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Quote :
Isabella Swan is the princess of Volterra and the only heir to the throne. When her father gets sick and people are after her she runs and she meets some people that are not so human and willing to help it all changes. Oh and her father is a god.

"Oh and her father is a god", pleeeease....wait....it gets worse....

Runaway Princess

Chapter 1:WHAT?

My overall reaction as I read this thing

Quote :
"Miss Isabella"

I turned around to see my personal servant, Adriana, "Yes?"

I hate this already. Personal servant my ass.

Quote :
"Your mother would like a word with you" she said.

You have been a very naughty girl.

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"Ok. Thank you, Adriana." I said as I stood from place on my bed. As I walked down the hall I wondered what my mother could want.

Deprive you of your inheritance?

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Hi, my name is Isabella Volturi and I am the princess of Volterra.

BEEO-BEEO-BEEO-BEEO!!!!! Oh dear, it's the sue-alarm!

Quote :
I had just turned seventeen last week.

That one magical age.

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My hair was brown and reached mid-calf.

You clearly watch too much anime.

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My eyes were a pink lavender color,

No more moeblobs for you.

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which was the indication that I was very powerful, the most powerful of my kind, even more so than my parents.

BEEO-BEEO-BEEO-BEEEEEEscvklrkzlkrzBOOM........fuckin thing broke ma sue alarm!

Quote :
I was different from the rest of my family.

Yes, you have ADHD and is a total suethor.

Quote :
I was one of the only members of my family that wasn't a full god/goddess other than my mother.

sklrzxzrkrzs.....skrkrzkrkrlkrzzz....Even in this condition, my sue alarm responds. This is the shit fo real, shizzle!

Quote :
My uncle Aro and my half uncles Marcus and Caius were once full gods but they were turned into vampires by their wives.

This one's just stupid. So what did they do, cheat on them by having secret butt fun with each other?

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It made them more powerful, and it all went to their heads.

Hold on? Vampires>Gods? Does not compute! FATAL ERROR!
Quote :

Uncle Aro was sure because of all of his new power he would be chosen for the throne over my father, but when the time came for my grandfather to choose he still picked my father, Charles, because even though Aro was more powerful, my father was still the eldest son and he had to keep the tradition.

Og dear, that was sad, but in the end, it is all tradition, and we can't break traditions that have been kept for so many, many millennia, no, that is not possible, truly, and I can't even write sentences as long as this, only when I really cheat, poor Aro, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWW!!!!

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Aro was infuriated and left Volterra promising to return and take back what was rightfully his, but that was at least three thousand years ago. I had never seen them in person before, but I had seen pictures and heard stories.

So this takes time some place in the fifth millennium, or thereof? Can't recall portraits being that common until just a few centuries ago.

Quote :
I was the only one here that wasn't at least one thousand years old.

Everybody else must be geezers.

Quote :
Eventhough everyone did age, it was a very slow process.


It means you were a supernanny subject for a few hundred years.

Quote :
I was more like a human when it came to my aging.

Or maybe not? Go die young then!

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I was a mixture of a lot of things thanks to my mom.

Brace for it now, people, this is gonna be bad....

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She was five percent elf, five percent fairy, five percent pixie, fifteen percent angel, twenty percent Xenhua, and fifty percent goddess.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

So just what the fuck is a xenhua?

Quote :
"Mother?" I said as I knocked on the door to my mother's study.

Bella. I am very disappointed in you.

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"Yes. I'm in here Isabella." she said. I pushed the door open and saw her sitting on the couch with her eyes closed. My mother, Renee, was the daughter of Aphrodite,

For fucks sake, fuck you!

Quote :
so of course she was beautiful, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in person, other than my grandmother of course.

1. Your're a mix of everything, most likely a percent supersonic hedgehog as well
2. Your mother is the second most beautiful person in the universe
3. Your grandmother is the most beautiful person in the universe

It wouldn't surprise me if you're an airbender as well. And a fal'cie. And an eidolon. And a witch. And a shaman. And a planeswalker.
And a 122-time world kung fu champion. And Chuck Norris.

Quote :
She had reddish brown hair that came just below her waist and ice blue eyes.

Her eyes are at her waist? Or is her waist up by her eyes? Seriously, she's supposed to be beautiful?!

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"What's the matter mother?" I asked her.

Also, this sentence screams for a comma.

Quote :
She opened her eyes and looked at me for a second before grabbing me into a very tight hug.

Shehascancershehascancershehascancershehascancershehascancershehascancershehascancer....

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She held me there for a few minutes before she pulled back.

Whoa, a few entire minutes? Must have been awkward eternal.

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"Isabella your father is very sick. I don't know what to do." She cried.

That can also work.

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I didn't know what to think. How could he get sick anyway, HE'S A GOD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, how do gods get sick?

Walking around in the cold for two minutes without proper clothing is enough. YOU'RE AMERICAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, how do you know cold?

Quote :
"How could he be sick?" I asked. I was really curious.

Cold.

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"I don't know, he just is. He might die Isabella." She said as more tears fell from her eyes.

Way to avert the explaination, if only for a while.

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"How long?" I asked as tears started forming in my eyes.

Two inches.

Quote :
"A year maybe two" she sobbed.

Indeed, for eternals, two years is just a glimpse.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Runaway Princess

Chapter 2-Running

Quote :
I walked back to my room in a daze. I can't believe my father might die. What could've possibly happened to him?

Maybe it was some sort of god virus?

Quote :
What will happen to everyone?

HOLY FUCK, WE'RE ALL GUNNA DIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Quote :
I had no brothers to take the crown, I am an only child.

Boo fucking hoo.

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My parents always thought they had plenty of time to have other kids so they were waiting until I was fully grown up before they even thought of another child.

Hint: They were planning for you to do the diapers. They got tired of changing yours.

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What were we going to do?

RUN AROUND IN PANIC!!!

Quote :
I couldn't possibly take the crown. I wouldn't know how to rule this place.

Yes you would, you're the goddess of all sues. That should have paid some attention to certain matters.

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I guess none of that really matters though if my father doesn't get better.

Well, that's convenient, I suppose.

Quote :
I will have to do it. Ugh. Just thinking about all of this is giving me a headache.

Your brain is overloaded by this? By a new one that runs at a higher clock.

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I laid down on my bed thinking. There are things I never told my father before, things I've never told anyone.

Lemme guess. "I'm gay"

Quote :
I had never told them of my powers.

Oh, they didn't know you had the ability to accelerate neutrinos, make higgs bosons, bend gravity and generally fuck around with Einstein's relativity theories?

No really, you just described yourself as God incarnate, and your own parents don't know? FUCK YOU!!!

Quote :
I had to keep them a secret so I could have some life beyond this place.

Cause headlines like with the neutrinos must sure be fun.

Quote :
Every night while the others thought I was asleep I would sneak out of my room to learn the things I couldn't learn here.

Two plus two is....uh....my head....

Quote :
I always thought it was stupid for them to never teach me how to protect myself.

WHAT?! You kindle fucking plasma!

Quote :
I mean I know I have guards and everything but what if something happened and I had no guards.

That my friend, is a question. And to answer it, you'd throw them into a temporal loop.

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I guess they never really thought about that.

How careless!

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Only outside of the palace had I learned anything useful other than common book smarts.

Must be a dreadful library then.

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I learned how to fight and I learned of some of the powers I have

Yes, barfights throws you right into the action!

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I can change my appearance,

sssprzxzrkzrkrxzkrzzrxz....it's still working. Maybe just a new siren will do it.

Quote :
which is useful when you sneak out and have to do things where no one knows who you are,

No shit, Sherlock!

Quote :
and teleport, only to a place up to a mile away.

Why'd you even need to use your appearance changing for sneaking out? And that one mile limitation is easily mended by just rapidly re-teleporting another mile.

Quote :
I should tell them. Tomorrow I will tell them.

Hmm...."YOU'VE BEEN HIDING WHAT POWERS?!?!?! SNEAKING OUT AT BARS TO LEARN HOW TO FIGHT?!?!?! YOU GO RO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY!!!!"

Quote :
That way if anything does happen there won't be any secrets between us.

Still, P (Your parents will be mad at you) = 1

Quote :
I turned over and picked my I-pod

Sheep

Quote :
up off of the floor and put an earphone in my ear.

Earbuds...why not a serious Sennheiser headset instead?

Quote :
Maybe if I listened to some music it would take my mind off of everything so I could get some sleep.

I once fell asleep with Dimmu Borgir on my ear. True story. And woke up to Nightwish.

Quote :
I turned it on put it on shuffle and listened as Disturbia by Rihanna came on.

Must have been important what song it is.

But, woman, for FUCKS sake???

Quote :
'Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

What's wrong with me?

Why do I feel like this?

I'm going crazy now

No more gas in the rig

Can't even get it started

Nothing heard, nothing said

Can't even speak about it

All my life on my head

Don't want to think about it

Feels like I'm going insane

Yeah

It's a thief in the night

To come and grab you

It can creep up inside you

And consume you

A disease of the mind

It can control you

It's too close for comfort'

You seriousy paste half the lyrics of this mediocre thing into your publication? WHAT?????

Quote :
I heard something so I paused the song. I heard people walking down the hallway, talking.

Someone should keep their voices down, eh?

Quote :
I strained my ears to hear what they were saying because it is unusual for anyone to be in this part of the palace at night.

Appart from you, obviously?

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"I can't believe Aro thought he needed both of us to get this little girl" said one voice. Aro? Oh no, I hope they are not talking about me.

How many other little girls are there in this palace of yours?

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"Me either but he says the girl is powerful." Another voice says. Yeah they're definitely talking about me, but what would Aro want with me.

Kill you and inherit the throne. You didn't warp reality so far you got irreversibly stupid?

Quote :
"Ugh, whatever we need to get the girl so hurry up"

Please, what are you waiting for?!

Quote :
I don't really think I should stick around and see so I teleported myself into the family vault, I needed to get out of here and to get out of here I needed money.

Just keep your wallet with you, it's easier.

Quote :
I went into the emergency room where we kept some extra clothes and pretty much anything else you would ever need.

Her almightyness needs extra clothes, look at that.

Quote :
I got a bag and put a few million dollars in it.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.

Quote :
I don't know how long I'm going to be gone so I might as well get as much as I can so I put some more into a back pack and teleported out of there.

One million is a good amount to stuff under your arm if it's in 100-bills. "A few million dollars" is gonna fill you a back pack alone.

Quote :
I kept teleporting until I was a little under a mile from the airport.

Congrats! You just got rid of your own limitation!

Quote :
I was in a dark alley so this was the perfect place to change my appearance.

Two people are after you, and you manage to escape unnoticed, no hitch, and you conveniently have a dark alley. OK. I'll go with that. Not.

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I changed into the person I was at night.

Claws, fangs, fur, a tail. The full moon is rising!

Quote :
Britney.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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My hair was blonde and came to my shoulders and my eyes were a sky blue color.

Kinda hoped you'd say eight feet with green skin and hair.

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This was the easiest thing to change into.

I get the feeling that you're a cheap slut too, constantly taking on that appearance.

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I had already gotten papers for this identity just in case anything happened while I was out at night.

Sign number 824 that you're a sue: Everything is conveniently set up and everything that will transpire will do so according to your/the main chars design.

Quote :
It never really came in handy until now though.

You've never used it to get laid? What?

Quote :
I started walking to airport when I remembered something. I couldn't just walk into the airport with two bags full of money without the security noticing.

So you do have the cranial capacity to think that far ahead.

Quote :
That would look really suspicious, so I teleported myself into a bathroom by a random gate.

So how do you miss the walls? How did you find an empty toilet?

Quote :
I then walked out to buy a plane ticket.

Sorry fuckface, but it's too late for that. Should'a done that before the security gate.

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I walked to a desk and saw an older woman with glasses and white hair looking at a computer.

Probably surfing yaoi hentai.

Quote :
"Excuse me." I said to the woman.

Who else?

Quote :
"Oh, how may I help you?" she said in a polite voice.

She's senile, find another desk. If she can't even rememver what she's supposed to do, complain.

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"I would like a ticket to Seattle." I told her. I had to go to J to get more papers.

Seattle of all places? And "J" who what where?

Quote :
"Ok miss. Do you have a credit card?"

Oh, you reeeeally want one, don't you? Go all irresponsible, waste money on clothes you'll never wear, booze, and pay twice as much as you really need?

Quote :
"Yes." I told her as I handed her the card.

I use a debit card. And I have little plans of ever getting a credit card.

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"Ok, the first available flight is in an hour." The woman said

BEEBEEBEEBEEBEEBEE CONVENIENCE DETECTED!!!!!

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Ok, that's fine." I told her and she handed me the ticket.

OK, OK, OK, OK, OK ,OK ,OK......

Quote :
"Have a nice day." she said.

Fuck you right back.

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Yeah like that's gonna happen.

Yeah, like any of this makes sense.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Fairy-Pixie-Elf-Angel-Xenhuasomething-Kor-Vulshok-Vedalken-Kithkin-Eldrazi-Klingon-Vulcan-Talaxian-Romulan-Cardassian-Na'Vi-Fal'Cie-shaman-witch-Eidolon-Super Saiyan-Time Lord-Jedi-Sith-Samurai-Ninja-Pirate-Assassin-Cyborg-Jesus-Dragon Master-Dungeon Master-goddes-titan-Shinigami-dolphin-MacGyver-Chuck Norris. What more?
Quote :
Chapter 3-What to do

Yes indeed, what to do.....? Snark the shit outta this despite my brothers complaint about me wasting time, perhaps? Well bro, this is my time, so sod off to where the sun never shines.

Quote :
"Flight 142 to Seattle is now boarding."

Hold on, timeout! Since I'm not American, this didn't occur to me, or perhaps that's just why it does, but this girl was in Italy. In Europe. Do we have hourly flights to medium sized cities across the pond?

I don't know the situation over there, but can you just walk up and buy domestic tickets in the booth within an hour of boarding?

Quote :
I guess that means me.

Careful now, you may be guessing wrong.

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I got up and walked to the gate and gave the lady my ticket so I could board the plane.

We usually call them "boarding passes". And where's your passport, this is an international flight, you dufus.

Quote :
"Have a nice flight." She said.

A fucking "thanks" would suffice, you self-centered bitch.

Quote :
I walked to the plane and found my seat and sat down after I put my carry ons into the overhead. I started making a mental checklist of the things I would need to do once I landed.

What, you don't have an iPad 2 64GB 3G? This was written a couple of months ago.

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Get a car

Seattle has a Ferrari dealer. Check.

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Go see Jenks

Jenks who? Do to tell us who he is before you just blurt out that you have to see him.

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Get a house

What? Why?

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Register for school

Bullshit computation limit exceeded. You need to stay hidden, someone's after you, you have a sick dad, and you're going to school.

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Yeah, that's all I have so far.

Reflects your mental capabilities.

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I know I have to come up with a cover story as to why I have no parents. Mmmm… maybe I'll just say they're both in the Navy.

Fine. I'll believe that. Not.

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Yeah, that works.

I just said it doesn't.

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While I'm there I also need to figure out some way to help my dad and find out what Aro wants with me.

Try that instead of wasting your time at school. You don't really need it, do you?

Quote :
Well I can't do anything while I'm on this plane so I pulled out my iPod Sheep and drifted off to sleep.

This is one thing that annoys me about statesiders. You assign brand names to otherwise generic items. And it rubs off on us!

Quote :
I woke up to someone tapping me on my shoulder. I took my earphones out and turned to see a flight attendant.

This girl must truly have a complete disregard of geography:

Quote :
"The plane has landed, you can get your bags now."

Congrats! You just slept for 12 fucking hours!

Quote :
"Oh, ok. Thank you." I said.

But you could've woken me when you brought the dinner.

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"You're welcome. Oh, and welcome to Seattle."

Seattle, weeee!!! Even my own hometown of Oslo has 3000 more inhabitants according to Wikipedia. And less than a fifth the population density.

Quote :
I stood up and got my bags from the overhead. I walked off the plane and looked around. Well at least it's not raining.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUH, what a DOWNER that would have been!

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I thought to myself.

Thought what?

Quote :
I decided not to go into the crowded airport so I just teleported until I was behind some kind of building that sells cars.

Oh fuck no, a car-selling building! As if car-selling humans weren't bad enough!

Quote :
I needed to change out of the sweats and tank top I had on. I made my hair long, wavy, and blonde and kept my eyes blue.

Just say you made your hair long, it's already blonde.

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I changed my clothes to a pink and cream dress, black short sleeved leather jacket, black Christian Louboutin pumps, a diamond cluster ring, and a diamond necklace that says love.

You guys. You're never gonna believe this. Guess what. No? well. Here goes:

Quote :
(Picture on Profile)

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The outfit in question: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Notably, this girl likes that polywhore-whatever-shit. She uses it to the extreme in her other story, hence my reaction here. LOL at the ring.

Quote :
Hopefully I could find a male salesman that I could make 'forget' about the paperwork.

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream....

Quote :
I was about to walk around to the front door when I remembered I had a backpack and a duffle bag full of money. It would look really suspious.

HELOO-OOO!!! I!!! HAVE!!! A!!! BAG!!! FULL!!! OF!!! MMOOOONNEEEEEEYYYY!!!!!!

Quote :
Ugh, I wish the backpack could just turn into a purse and as I thought that the backpack turned into a purse. Wow, I didn't know I could change anything but myself. I wonder if it works on other people. I guess I'll have to test that later.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

To everything you just said.

Quote :
Now that I knew I could change other things I changed the duffle bag into shopping bags. Good, now I just look like a normal rich girl.

Put on a silly smile, an IQ in the 50's range and a chewing gum, and we're getting close.

Quote :
I walked into the car dealership and immediately five male salesman lined up to greet me.

Thank you for informing me about this, now I won't go there.

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I was pleased.

Egocentricity detected. Keep a 20-feet clearance.

Quote :
I picked the most desperate looking one to help me though.

Most desperate looking? Wow, sales business must be awful!

Quote :
He had greasy brown hair and dull brown eyes.

Of course he's ugly.

Quote :
"Hi, my name is Tom how may I help you beautiful?" he said. This should be fun.

Yes, it's annoying right when people don't use commas correctly.

Quote :
"Hi Tom," I practically purred into his ear, "I'm looking for a new car."

Living out wish fulfillments, I see.

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"Uhh-uhhmm I-I-I can he-help you with th-that" he stuttered in a daze.

You must practically be rubbing yourself down there...................o_O

Quote :
"Thank you. I'm looking for a blue car." I told him.

Oh yeah? I'm looking for a '97 NSX Type S Zero. If I was a googolcomplexionare like this bitch, I'd just repaint it if I didn't like the color.

Quote :
"O-ok. We only ha-have one bl-blue car in th-the store, bu-but I'll show it to y-you." He said, still stumbling over his words

And what if it was a 1974 Reliant Robin about to overflow on the odometer?

Quote :
He turned around and led me to the car while still trying to look at me as if he didn't look at me constantly I would disappear.

What a useless employee.

Quote :
We finally made it to the car. It was a blue 2011 Camaro Coupe 2LS (Picture on Profile) and it was perfect.

Camaro? You're an ultrabazillionare and you go for a Camaro instead of a nicley used F40, or an Aventador, or a Veyron SuperSport? And you fail at posting images.

Quote :
"I love it." I said out loud.

My doubts are you don't even know any of the five cars I've mentioned so far.

Quote :
"O-ok, we can go to my o-office and d-discuss everything." He said.

I-it w-w-woulb b-b-be n-nive if you c-c-c-c-could s-s-stop w-w-writing all the stu-stu-stuttering.

Quote :
"Ok." I said knowing all I would do was give him the cash. We walked to his office and sat down.

*facepalm*

Quote :
"O-ok we c-can start with p-payment plans."

ENOUGH WITH THE STUTTERING ALREADY!!!

Quote :
"That won't be necessary, I have the cash, I just want the car." I told him.

But do you even have a license? Fuck that, you don't even have insurance! YOU'RE SEVENTEEN, FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

Quote :
"W-well I don't k-know if I can j-just take the cash without a credit card or s-some form of I.D." he said. Well I guess it's time I pull out the big guns.

If a Walter PPK can be considered big....

Quote :
I looked down, and then looked at him from under my eyelashes and said, "Please, I've been saving up for a car for a really long time and if I don't get a car today I can't get home."

Boo-fucking-hoo.

Quote :
He just stared at me for a while before he finally collected him thoughts and said, "I guess I could just take the cash and give you the car." He told me with a dazed look in his eyes. "Um. The total is $24,825."

Way to get the poor sucker fired.

Quote :
I smiled at him as I gave him the money. "Thank you. Thank you so much, you don't know much this means to me." I said as he handed me the keys. I kissed him on the cheek and left. I got into my new car and drove off.

Usually, buying a car isn't done on a whim like that.

Quote :
I was headed towards Jenks' office until I realized I didn't really need to anymore, I could just change the picture and name.

WHO! THE FUCK! IS JENKS!?!?!

OK, so he's the Cullen's document forger. Now stop taking it for granted that everybody has read that abominal doorstopper.

But "just change the name and picture" wut? You're gonna try doing that yourself? I wish you good luck.

Quote :
I decided now would be a good time to look for a house.

And I said you don't need one. Fuck it, you're gonna have trouble on this one (in real life).

Quote :
I went to the closest store, which happened to be a Wal-Mart, to get a map of Washington.

WAL-MART OH DEAR THAT MUST BE IMPORTAANT!!!

Quote :
I walked in and looked around and saw a big sign for a sell on laptops. I guess I might as well get one while I'm here. I just picked up a random one looked good, found a map, and checked out.

My-my-my, stuck with your dads old desktop too?

Quote :
I sat in the car for a little while looking over the map. I knew I had to pick somewhere low key, some place they would never think of looking for me. That's when I saw the perfect place. A small little place called Forks. That's where I could go.

Why don't you just fucking go there yourself? Besides, not that low-key anymore thanks to some hag with a slice more talent than you. Venture into the Amazon jungle instead if you want to stay hidden.

Quote :
When I made it to Forks I looked for a real estate place. I finally found a little place called 'Miller Real Estate'.

A real real estate is not going to be happy about this.

Quote :
Forks was a very small town. I already knew where everything was. I walked into small building and found a lady sitting at a desk looking very bored. I walked up to the desk and said, "Excuse me."

You'd obviously know where to find the Cullen's house too, I presume.

Quote :
The lady looked up, surprised. "Um, how may I help you?"

"I would like to buy a house" I said. I thought it was really obvious considering where we were but whatever.

Why don't you go play with your dolls, little girl.

Quote :
"Oh, ok. We have a house that should be good. Will you be living here alone?" she asked. Well, she's a noisy one.

CONVENIENCE!!! The lady doesn't even ask questions! "Ooooh, I wanna look at a house!", but you don't even decide on one! Pick a few, check them out and narrow them down to one. That's what normal people do.

Quote :
"Oh no. I won't be living there, my cousin will, I'm just helping out." I told her. That sounds believable.

And I'm in reality George fucked-up-the-nation-as-president-and-dumped-everything-on-Obama W. Bush.

Quote :
"Oh. Well that's nice. How old is your cousin?"

"Seventeen." I told her.

Any one working at a real estate would raise an eyebrow at a 17 year old buying an entire house. A small flat, sure, but not a house.

Quote :
"And she will be living there alone?" the woman asks.

English language problem: The word "cousin" has no way of identifying the subjects sex on it's own. You never identified your cousin as a girl either.

Quote :
"No her parents will be there from time to time, but they are in the Navy so they thought it would just be better if she were to live here, in a small town rather than the big city." I told her.

Away from all her friends and shopping centres? Yeah right!

Quote :
I could tell this woman was a gossiper so I thought I could tell her the cover story so I wouldn't have to repeat it a lot.

So this woman gossips about her clients. She won't be working at this real estate for long.

Quote :
"Oh, where did she move from?"

"Phoenix." I said. It was the first place that came to my mind. I used to know a girl with that name.

*sigh* Enough with the Twilight allusions, please. They're badly hidden. And what parents names their girl "Phoenix"?

Quote :
"Ok, well tell her I said welcome to Forks," She said as she handed me a key and a piece of paper.

NO!!! No, no, no, no AND FOREVER NO!!! I'm not even going to bother with this process, somebody just mail her instructions on how to buy a house.

Quote :
"And tell her she can wait until one of her parents gets back to pay the first month."

Real estate is serious business. You just can't be nice like this. And good luck in covering all your holes when they emerge.

Quote :
"Ok." I said because I was just ready to get out of there. I turned around and walked out of the building and went to my car. I got in and drove to the grocery store I saw and picked up a few things and then went to the house. It was a cute little white house with two stories. I walked into the already furnished house and put the groceries away.

I just don't believe this. You make buying a house and a car at the same day as easy as that grocery shopping. Which it isn't. Welcome to real life, bitch.

Quote :
Next on my list was to register for school, but I could do that tomorrow morning. So I ate an apple and went to get some sleep, because tomorrow was my first day at Forks High.

I told you to stop the allusions. But that was downright unnecessary.

------------------------------------------------------

So now the suethor comes about with an explanation.

Quote :
Ok so if you didn't get why she couldn't just fill out the paperwork with her fake documents it's because all of her things were from Volterra

And because she's 17.

Quote :
She is taking every [s]precation[/s] precaution [s]see[/s] she can so they won't find her.

Had she taken every precaution, she'd go to the Amazon's.

It would be too much of a coincedence for one teenage girl with no parents from Volterra to be there and easily [s]tracable[/s] traceable.

Nothing here is coincidence. It's all just a huge convenience.

Quote :
So that's not really the best idea.

This whole story is a directly bad idea.

Quote :
Oh and Aro and his men have no idea what she looks like or what her powers are they only know that she is powerful and the whole eye color thing.

Surely they must have found portraits at her home. And the eye-color thing is entirely moot as she can change it as it fits her. Regading that, are they really pink?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Runaway Princess

Quote :
Chapter 4- What did i get myself into?

A whole loada shit, that's what.

Quote :
I woke up and turned over to see that it was already seven fifteen

Seven fif...!? GET THAT LAZY ASS OUTTA BED THIS INSTANT!!! Or do you just have awfully good time?

Quote :
and I needed to be at school at seven forty-five so I could register and start at eight.

Half an hour? Half an hour to get up, get dressed, apply make-up, eat, brush your teeth and drive to school. You apparently like to stress. Just forget about taking a shower.

Quote :
I got out of bed and ran to the shower and brushed my teeth.

I said forget the shower. And isn't it better to brush your teeth after eating?

Quote :
I looked in the mirror and thought about what I wanted to look like.

Like a shit?

Quote :
I guess I should just look as much like my real self as possible.

A shit, then.

Quote :
I changed back to normal but I made my come to my waist and my eyes a chocolate brown.

Your what come to your waist? Your nose hair?

Quote :
Now what should I wear?

The emperor's new clothes are supposedly wonderful.

Quote :
I thought about it for a minute.

Wasting a full 3.3% of your total little time.

Quote :
When I was in the palace I was only allowed to wear dresses.

Walking around in a Cinderella costume in protest?

Quote :
I didn't dislike dresses but I had my own since of style but I had to dress in 'royal' gowns every day.

I believe there should be a comma in there. "...but I had my own, since blablabla...".

Quote :
I could finally wear what I want.

A CINDERELLA COSTUME!!!

Quote :
I thought about it. I then got the perfect outfit in my head.

Brace yourselves. Sueshittery is coming.

Quote :
I had on a soft camel colored blouse, black skinny jeans, black booties, and a black Juicy Couture purse.

What you are wearing continues to be violently irrelevant to the plot.

Quote :
I went down the stairs and grabbed a pop tart and ran out of the door.

Poptarts are considered actual food by now?

Quote :
I got to the school at seven forty.

Stop shitting me.

Quote :
I walked in the office and saw a lady at the front desk.

We all walk in offices, we even SIT in offices.

Quote :
"Excuse me."

"Fuck off, I'm busy"

Quote :
She looked up with a surprised expression on her face. I guess she doesn't see many new people.

SURPRIIII-IIIISE, I'M THE NEW STUDEEEENT!!!

Quote :
"Ummm… how may I help you?" she asked.

Ummm...uuuh....eeeh....mmmm....uuuuuuh.....

Quote :
"I would like to register for school."

Even though it's the middle of the week and the middle of the term and I'm 17 and like to randomly drop by schools so I can register for them just so I have something to do. I still don't like commas.

Quote :
"Oh… ok fill these out." She said as she handed me a clipboard and a pen. I went and sat down. I finished the paperwork and walked back to the desk and handed it to the lady.

Too bad I'm a little too old to try this out, just walk in and say "I wanna register" at a random school

Quote :
"Ok, here's your map, schedule, and a paper that you need to get signed by all of you're teachers and bring it back by the end of the day." She said as she handed me the papers.

Why bother with the teachers signing stuff?

Quote :
"Thanks." I said to her.

And BTW, you're fuck ugly.

Quote :
"Oh and welcome to Forks." She said as I walked out of door.

A little late for that by now.

Quote :
It was seven fifty five.

I said stop shitting me, there's no way you found the offices and filled those papers in 10 minutes.

Quote :
I had five minutes to get to class so I looked down at my schedule and read it:

Isabella Swan

Grade: 11

Period

Class

Teacher

Period 1

English

Mason

Period 2

Government

Jefferson

Period 3

Trigonometry

Varner

Period 4

Spanish

Goff

Lunch

Period 5

Biology

Banner

Period 6

Physical Education

Clapp


1: Government? Is that even a subject? *googles* You americans must have a fuckload of red tape to fill an entire subject.

2: Trigonometry is usually filed under "math".

3: Is Spanish a required subject at school, or did this twat just forget that you have to chose it first?

4: Biology. I see what u did thar.

5: Please don't say you suddenly get all clumsy during PE.

Quote :
Are you kidding me? Why doesn't it have room numbers?Don't normal school schedules have room numbers? How the heck am i suppose to find the classroom?

You're showed where to go at the beginning of the term. Fuck you for not considering this.

Quote :
Just as i was about to walk back in the office a gangly boy with skin problems and hair black as an oil slick walked over to me.

Skin problems can be so much. And yes, this is verbatim copypasta out of our favorite book.

Quote :
"Um, hi. My name is Eric and you are Isabella right?"

People "um" a lot here. Strange how this guy already knows the bitch too.

Quote :
"Yeah."

Actually no.

Quote :
"Do you need help finding your class?" he asked. No i'm just standing here. What is it with people here asking really stupid questions?

What is it with you being entirely stupid on your own?

Quote :
"Yeah." i said.

"What's your first class?"

"English with Mason." i said.

"Ok come on i have that class too."

Lucky coincidence!

Quote :
The day went on with the boring classes that i already knew everything about.

Because you're a sue.

Quote :
I had finished all of my school with my tutor back at home.

Finishing school with a tutor by age of 17. Must have been a lonely upbringing without friends. Did your subconcious just reveal that you don't have friends?

Quote :
What? Just because i live with gods and goddesses does not mean i don't have school. Duh.

Actually, I'd rather believe that you were bown omniscient. Except for your knowledge of being an ESP reartificer or whatever you actually call it.

Quote :
At every class someone would gather up enough courage to talk to me and show me to my next class.

You must be scary.

Quote :
When it was lunch time a girl that sat next to me in Trig and Spanish, whose name i couldn't remember, asked me to eat lunch with her and i accepted.

How sweet of you. At least try to come up with a name.

Quote :
We went through the lunch line and sat at her table with her friends. That's when i saw them.

Oh dear, almost copy-pasta'd right out of the original again.

Quote :
They were bizzarly pale and extremly beautiful, not as beautiful as my mother or grandmother, but they far surpassed human beauty.

I feel we have even more copy-pasta at work.

Quote :
They were definately

Ah, AAH, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DEFINITELY IS DEFINOTELY SPELLED WITH AN "A"!!! ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT!?!?!

Quote :
not human, i didn't know what.

OOH! OOH! Let me guess! Cyborg ninja pirate panda bears?

Quote :
I wondered what they were doing here.

Obviously taking high-school over because they're too unimaginative to do anything else when they're bored from living for 150 years on average.

Quote :
Are they hiding like me.

A question mark is commonly used to follow a question. Then this is not a question, but a statement, in which case "they are hiding like me" would be the correct form.

Quote :
Could they tell i wasn't human?

They do have superhuman senses, and I suspect that one who is a hybrid of every organism of the Earth and the Multiverse would smell slightly different from humans.

Quote :
Oh no the bronze haired one just looked at me.

Was there a bronze haired one? *checks* Nope! So where did he come from?

Quote :
He looks so confused, and beautiful.

Yeah, people are beautiful when confused.

Quote :
He must not know exactly what i am or who i am yet.

How are we even supposed to keep track of your species? It's a wonder you even exist, sterility should have kicked in by your grandomother.

Quote :
I turned back to the table, picking at my food, until lunch was over.

I understand this frim observing the school kitchen situation from afar. If Jamie Oliver can't change the situation, no one can. And pink slime is certainly not appetizing. At all.

Quote :
I let out a breath as i left the cafateria and walked to my next class.

AKA a sigh.

Quote :
When i walked into the room i walked in and immedietly stopped when i saw the bronze haired boy.

Ooh, the tension's building up!

Quote :
I went to the teacher and handed him the paper to sign.

I still don't get this part. Is it to confirm that the teacher is aware of your presence?

Quote :
He told me to find a seat and when i turned around there was only one seat left.

Fucking commas. They're still part of English, you know. As well as every other language based on Germanic and Latin.

Quote :
Anyone want to guess where?

In the garbage compactor!

Quote :
I slowly walked to my seat and looked over at him.

Him the teacher? That's what it looks like to me.

Quote :
He seemed even more confused now and he got out his phone.

What your teacher is confused about is anyone's guess.

Quote :
There was a text there.

SUPERSHARP HAWKEYE VISION ENABLED

Quote :
She's not human. Ask her to come over tonight. Oh and by the way she's reading over your shoulder. Hi, Bella. -A

Alice and her fucking precog abilities.

Quote :
Oh my gosh what did i just get myself into?

I'll reconsider it into a story with neither fore- or afterthought.

---------------------------------

Quote :
Sorry the update is so late. I was really busy today but i just had to get this out. Thanks for reading and please read my other stories 'Found' and 'All My Secrets' which i updated today also. :-D

"Had to get this out" and it shows. As usual. And you have a third paralell story too. Fuck that, I'll leave it to someone else.

------------------------------------------------------

Quote :
Chapter 5- Their home

I find it amazing that you managed to get this correct. Pre-skimming the chapter reveals that they're actually at the Cullen house, not just that the inhabitants are present there as in they're home, or even a simplyfied "home is there". KUDOS for learning this pathetically simple part of the hodgepodge of phonetics known as English.

Quote :
He looked over to me and tried to understand.

You're not making me understand who's understanding.

Quote :
I was scared.

How should I put it? I need to make up a new word here. Omnispecial /ɒmˈnɪˈspiʃəl/ as in "species". You are omnispecial and can do anything. If need be, just teleport the heck outta there.

Quote :
What were they and how did they know I wasn't human?

As an omnispecial you must smell differently, as I stated in the previous chapter. Vampires after all, have superhuman senses.

Quote :
How this A person knew I would be reading the message?

A is for Alice, who is a precog.

Quote :
Did they see the future?

That is what having precognitive abilities means.

Quote :
Was I that predictable?

Redundancy is always good.

Quote :
I felt something getting shoved under my elbow and looked down to see a neatly folded note. I opened it and read; (Edward, Bella)

There's no need to inform us about who says what. [s]The general audience isn't stupid[/s] OH WAIT, your audience is, my bad!

Quote :
Will you come?

Where?

Quote :
Why should I?

So we can have hanky-panky!

Quote :
So we can make sure you're not a danger to anyone here.

Don't worry, I may be an Alien too, but my spit isn't that corrosive.

Quote :
How am I sure you're not a danger to me?

You can teleport, I can't.

Quote :
We're not but you should really come with us.

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Quote :
Why should I trust you?

I'M HANDSOME!!!

Quote :
You don't have to trust me you don't really have a choice.

COMMAS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote :
Fine.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :
After class had ended we went our separate ways not saying a word to each other.

This isn't what you'd call love at first sight. How is this even possible?

Quote :
I had gym next.

Guess what. She's not clumsy yet. If she ever even becomes clumsy. Because...

Quote :
We sat in the bleachers while the teacher our teacher explained that next class we would be starting volleyball and he then explained all of the rules. The bell rang, cutting him off. He said he would finish tomorrow and then we would play.

...the gym teacher is a useless turd who uses an entire period to explain volleyball. Field, net, ball, ball hits floor here or here, point, rotate players, when finished most points win. With some pointing and gruffing, this should take 20 minutes if someone is a bane of faith in humanity.

Quote :
We all filed out of the side door in the gym. I wondered if I could get away before they saw me, but my chances were crushed as I saw the boy leaning against the wall waiting for me.

Why didn't you just stay behind in the wardrobe and teleport out before someone saw you? Prime example of how author stupidity shines through stupid characters.

Quote :
We didn't speak. He led me to my car and opened the passenger seat for me. I got in without complaining. He quickly got into the driver's seat got the keys and started the car. We drove through the streets of Forks in silence.

And quickly it all got quickly ruined by a quick word.

Quote :
Even though at this moment I was being forced to go to their house and should be scared out of my mind, I felt somewhat comfortable in the car with this strange boy.

NOOOONONONONONONOOOO, don't thread in the mindrape over there!

Quote :
We pulled up to a very big house in the middle of the forest. I saw the others getting out of a silver Volvo.

Fuck your volvo.

Quote :
We all walked into the house together and I saw two other people in their living room. Now I'm scared again. It didn't even matter what they were. They weren't human and there were seven of them. I was incredibly intimidated.

Just fucking teleport already! Or roundhouse them, banish them to tartarus, subject them to the total perspective vortex, whatever! Don't just tag along helplessly!

Quote :
"Don't be afraid." The blonde boy said.

We come in peeeeace!

Quote :
I looked at him. He must be able to read emotions, I had mastered my facial expressions long ago and I know on the outside I look unperturbed.

ZING! Dictionary rape! And a new sue trait.

Quote :
They led me to a chair that faced everyone.

Some fucking interrogation we're having here. All we need now are the cuffs and metal headpiece with wires sticking out of it.

Quote :
"Hi and welcome to our home. My name is Esme and this is my husband Carlisle."

Fine, skip the awkward staring and get to the point. Just instead of introductions, a "What the fuck are you?" would suffice.

Quote :
"Hi." I said in a small voice.

Now. Your name.

Quote :
"We mean you no harm; we would just like to know what you are so can assure the safety of ourselves as well as others."

These guys aren't just not eating humans, they're fucking vigilantes.

Quote :
"What are you?" I asked them.

Something that begins with "V" and ends with "ampires".

Quote :
"Why don't you just tell us and stop being so complicated?" The blonde girl said annoyed.

What has lil' Ms. Sue here done to be percieved as complicated?

Quote :
"Why don't you tell me first?" I asked making her even more annoyed.

NO U!

Quote :
"Rosalie calm down." The woman, Esme said.

NOIDONTWANNACALMDOWNYOUFUCKINGBITCHGAAAAADISAPPEARANDLEAVEMEALONEGAAAAAAAH!!!

Quote :
"She doesn't trust us." The blonde boy said so fast and quiet a human would have never heard it.

What? "shdstrs"?

Quote :
"I sure don't." I said. They all looked at me, surprised that I could hear them.

She's obvioulsy not human, so why bother speaking so she's not supposed to hear it?

"Why don't I take you on a tour of the house?" Esme said.

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Quote :
"Ok." I said getting up.

LEZZY HANKY PANKY TIME!!!

Quote :
She showed me every room in the house saving her husband, Carlisle's study.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :
There were lots of books and pictures in the room.

Were we or were we not shown this roo-FUCK THAT, CENTERFOLD GIRLS!!!

Quote :
There were lots of medical books so I guessed that he was a doctor of some sort.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote :
The pictures were beautiful and you could tell there were some centuries old. Just as we were about to leave the room I saw a picture that had caught my eye.

DISCLAIMER: This actual is culture besides tentacle rape

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Quote :
I had never seen it before but I recognized the three main people in the picture. It was Aro, Marcus, and Caius.

*looks at the above image*

Just gimme a sec to spoon out my own brain.

Quote :
In the background I could see Carlisle with his strange gold eyes. Then it dawned on me. I couldn't believe I hadn't notice the similarities before.

I suddenly realized we're back to copying Twilight again through a depressingly unobservant main char.

Quote :
"Vampires." I whispered shocked.

"Obvious" I muttered to myself.

Quote :
I turned around and saw a shocked Esme. I flashed out of there as fast as I could. I don't know how they knew but as soon as I was in the forest they grabbed me and brought me back into the house.

Fuck you, Alice.

Quote :
I felt their cold skin, Yep, definately vampires.

DefinaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

Quote :
I thought to myself.

I get what you're thinking on afterthought, but I think you're thinking wrong thinking about thinking you can think in thinking sentences like this. I think.

Quote :
They sat me back into my chair and the big boy held me to it.

Just bind her and have polygonal BDSM.

Quote :
"How did you know?" Carlisle asked.

I guessed?

Quote :
"The picture." I said quietly.

With the octopi.

Quote :
"Ok so now that you know what we are, can you tell us what you are?"He asked.

"No." I said back.

"And why the hell not?" the blonde girl, Rosalie asked.

Because it'll take forever listing what I remember I am.

Quote :
"Because now I really don't trust you. I'm running from your kind. I can't be here."

*BAMF*

Quote :
"We won't turn you in or anything." Carlisle said.

That is....not very assuring....

Quote :
"How do I know that?"

You don't, you guess. Again.

Quote :
"Because we don't hurt others."

We only abuse them.

Quote :
"But you feed from humans, right?" I asked confused. They have to hurt others, it's in their nature.

Or, well...yeah....we like....mentally...hurt them...

Quote :
"No, we feed from animals."

A rare one you've probably never heard of. We call it Homo Sapiens Sapiens, nothing you have to worry about.

On that note, why is our omnispecial missy here afraid of vampires in the first place?

Quote :
"How?"

First, we clean our bodies in pure water, then we pray to Odin for a good hunt, before donning war paint in each other faces. Next we walk three times around the mound in the back to please the gods and offer coin to the spritis in the cave. Finally we set out and place our jaws in whatever we come by.

Quote :
"We control ourselves from feeding from humans. We would rather have our family and live along side them."

And repeat high school for ever until we've had over 9000 straight A years in a row. It's just Edward here, he's gonna screw up this year. Again.

Quote :
"Wow. I never thought vampires could do that. I know that most of your kind doesn't have that type of control."

Now....that you mention it....you smell goooooooooooooood.....

Quote :
"Yes, we are of the few that choose this lifestyle."

/copypasta

Quote :
"Well, all of this aside, you know Aro, friends possibly and he can't know I was here."

He can't know I'm here. Conjunction, motherfucker.

Quote :
"Well I do know Aro but I will not inform him of your time here if you tell us what you are and how you know of him."

All I know is that I'm not a vampire.

Quote :
"Fine, Aro is after me for reasons that I don't know."

I still don't know what I am.

Quote :
"How do you know him?" he asked.

"Aro is my uncle."

DUN! DUN! DUUUUUH!!! Even though you already spoiled it in chapter 1.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, this is it so far. Also great if people can point out misdispellings.


Last edited by theweirdkind on Sat Mar 31, 2012 7:43 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : url fix)
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EileenK98
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:15 am

Oh, my God, how did you ever wade through all this fresh excrement? I would have hit the Back button about halfway through the first chapter.
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S-r-ex

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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:45 am

I was after all looking for excrement. Mind that this was not all done at once, but mostly followed the chapter releases. Chapter 6 ought to come in a little while, but since the author's got two other stories at once, it might get somewhat slow.
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StandupShady
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:21 am

Jesus H. Christ, could there be any less tension in the story? There's no build-up, no characterization, so far no antagonist... it's just the happy story of a Sue buying a car, a house, emigrating to the US and registering at school with no hassle whatsoever.

Seriously WTF I hate it and want it to die in a fire.
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:11 pm

Colbert This story is literally so painful I couldn't even read the first paragraph without wanting to kick my computer screen out the window, happy go lucky shit like this makes me... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:28 pm

Quote :
five percent elf, five percent fairy, five percent pixie, fifteen percent angel, twenty percent Xenhua, and fifty percent goddess
How many generations would it take to get a crossbreed like that? 5-6 generations maybe for the elf/pixy? With the 5% I see in there, it must be more than that. Given that they live for 1000's of years, doesn't that mean they've been around since before human civ?
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Reidmar
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Wed Apr 04, 2012 11:51 pm

odinsonn wrote:
Quote :
five percent elf, five percent fairy, five percent pixie, fifteen percent angel, twenty percent Xenhua, and fifty percent goddess
How many generations would it take to get a crossbreed like that? 5-6 generations maybe for the elf/pixy? With the 5% I see in there, it must be more than that. Given that they live for 1000's of years, doesn't that mean they've been around since before human civ?
15% pleasure 15% pain, 50% concetrated power of will 20% reason 100% reason to remember the name.
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Thu Apr 05, 2012 9:27 am

Granting a single individual of each species in the lineage, the progression would go
50%
25%
12.5%
6.25%
3.125%
Etc.

Getting those nice, flat, 5% would require an extensive family tree where everybody and their cousin are making like cross-species relationships and incest are the literal wave of the future.
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bleachedblackcat
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:55 pm

You know... I'd expect something that would make a God so sick that he might die a bit more epic. Then again nothing can be more intresting then Princess FairyVampireGoddessFurry Sue and she's less intresting then grass growing.
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Thu Apr 05, 2012 6:35 pm

myeerah wrote:
Granting a single individual of each species in the lineage, the progression would go
50%
25%
12.5%
6.25%
3.125%
Etc.

Getting those nice, flat, 5% would require an extensive family tree where everybody and their cousin are making like cross-species relationships and incest are the literal wave of the future.

So... she's European royalty?
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:25 pm

Whatever she is, she needs to die horribly. Before she lays eggs.
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Howithurts
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Fri Apr 06, 2012 2:18 am

I thought Sues spread through spores, like fungi?
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S-r-ex

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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Fri Apr 06, 2012 9:11 am

Glad people like it! I consider posting up my other snark off this suethor here when I get home from the cabin. Phone networks aren't exactly fast up here in the mountains, so it'll take forever copypasting it from TS right now. Instead, I can tackle the latest chapters offline and get it up when I'm home by Sunday or Monday.
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Francis

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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:09 pm

Congratulations for the quality of your snark, S-r-ex. That story is boring as hell, but your comments make it enjoyable.
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S-r-ex

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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Mon Apr 09, 2012 1:32 pm

ARRIGHT! Let's take chapter 6 head on!

First Ms. Suethor explains:

Quote :
Ok, so sorry that I haven't updated in like a month. I promise I didn't forget about the story. I got in trouble and got my computer taken away. I just got it back so I promise I'll try to update every week on at least one of my stories. My update day is still Saturday and if you haven't read my other stories please do. They are 'Found' and 'All My Secrets'. Thanks for reading. I really love you guys for it.:-D

Can I guess? Did you fail that English test?

Now, for the main dish.

Quote :
Chapter 6- Questioning

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote :
Everyone just sat there quietly. Everyone was confused some didn't even believe it.

OBJECTION! I wasn't confused, I just didn't believe it.

Quote :
"How can that be? Aro is older than us all. What are you?

Global Invasive Species Database

Quote :
How were you turned? How are you related to him?" Carlisle asked.

*Zaps back a chapter* Well, it seems he's her uncle (or so she claims).

Quote :
"Well I guess I'll start from the beginning."

Once upon a time, there was a little girl called Mary Sue who failed English...

Quote :
"Yeah, that would be nice." Rosalie cut in.

"Rosaile?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut you fucking face already!"

"No"

Quote :
"Ok, if there are no more interruptions." Everyone nodded.

That goes for you too, Rosie.

Quote :
"My father is Aro's older brother. We are royalty in our world, my father being the king now. Back then it was my father and Aro who were the prince's. Aro was always really competitive and he never lost anything. All he needed was to shake a person's hand and he could beat them. They each had to get a wife and my father chose my mother and Aro a woman named Sulpicia. She was a vampire and he was her mate. She turned him. He thought for sure he would be the king because of how powerful he was. He was wrong. My grandfather still chose the oldest. He was a man of tradition. He killed my grandfather and promised to return and take back what was rightfully his. He took Marcus and Caius with him, which were there half brother's on my grandfather's side, and Didyme, his sister on their mother's side, and they were never heard of again until a couple of days ago. He sent two men to get me during the night so I ran and found my way here."

OK, so now I'll just break this brick into pieces and nitpick a little here and there.

Quote :
"My father is Aro's older brother.

AKA "Aro is my uncle".

Quote :
We are royalty in our world, my father being the king now.

Given that these guys know Aro so fucking well, they should be perfectly aware that he is the infante of whatever world he's living in.

Quote :
Back then it was my father and Aro who were the prince's.

That too, should be old news. And "you don't say" obvious.

Quote :
Aro was always really competitive and he never lost anything.

Pfft. I'd smoke him in sleeping long on Sundays.

Quote :
All he needed was to shake a person's hand and he could beat them.

Take cover, fandom sue overload!

Quote :
They each had to get a wife and my father chose my mother and Aro a woman named Sulpicia.

"My father chose my mother", how amazing! It's the same thing my dad did!

Quote :
She was a vampire and he was her mate. She turned him.

It would be a wonderful tidbit for the Cullens to know that Aro wasn't a vampire to begin with.

Quote :
He thought for sure he would be the king because of how powerful he was.

By that logic, the pope is the king of Italy. Yet he's not.

Quote :
He was wrong

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Quote :
My grandfather still chose the oldest. He was a man of tradition.

This is tradition indeed. Aro should be happy if he recieved the title of count.

Quote :
He killed my grandfather and promised to return and take back what was rightfully his.

And he waited how many thousand years?

Quote :
He took Marcus and Caius with him, which were there half brother's on my grandfather's side,

Tips to schools with English as the primary language: Beat they're/their/there into the children's heads as early as possible. PLEASE!

Quote :
and Didyme, his sister on their mother's side,

Uncertain, so you used two of the possible forms? At least ONE of them were right.

Quote :
and they were never heard of again until a couple of days ago.

And were never heard of again until a couple of days ago by you. It is not yet certain that anyone else saw your would-be captors.

Quote :
He sent two men to get me during the night so I ran and found my way here."

Here. One third across the world in "a couple of days". Most teens would think on slightly smaller scales when running. Perhaps flee to the nearest town. Certainly not fly from Italy to a boring American city near the west coast.

Quote :
"Wow." Carlisle said shocked.

"Wow." I frowned.

Quote :
"You still didn't tell us what you were." Rosalie said.

Correct. She spent her precious time on telling the epic of Aro.

Quote :
"Ok then. Have you guys ever heard of Greek Mythology?" They all nodded their heads. "Well it's not really a myth. My father and Aro are Zeus's sons. My mother is the daughter of Aphrodite."

Let's just watch the news and wait for a teenage girl getting zapped by lightning. And it is also odd that all of Aphrodite's consorts were pure-blooded gods. Your fantastic heritage is put to question.

Quote :
"That's impossible. There's no such thing." Rosalie said.

Correct.

Quote :
"Oh, like there's no such thing as vampires right?"

Or faries, elves, pixies, angels, or "xenhua", whatever that happens to be.

Quote :
"She's got a point." The bronze haired boy said.

A implies B. Because light exists, darkness must exist too. Because blue cars exists, red cars must exist too. Because great litterature exists, this must exists too.

Quote :
"Yes, I do so can you please call off the muscle now? I'm starting to get uncomfortable."

That's good, keep her there and we might pry out some more.

Quote :
"Oh, sorry. Emmett you can sit down now." Carlisle said. He went to sit next to Rosalie. Figures. I thought to myself.

"Now Rosalie, don't go anywhere."

"....Yes, daddy."

Quote :
"So now that you know all of this about me can you at least tell me your names?"

I'm Doc, and this is Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy and Dopey.

Quote :
"Hi, I'm Alice." said the small dark haired one. "And this is Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, Esme, and Carlisle." She said going around the room.

If you're a Twilight fan and reading this, you already know the names,

Quote :
"Now we have a few more questions for you." Carlisle told me.

Why the fuck did you flee here of all places?

Quote :
"Ok."

No wait....

Quote :
"How old are you?"

How is this relevant?

Quote :
"Seventeen, I don't age like the others."

While the age itself remains irrelevant in every conceivable way, the aging thing I fear turns out to be a poor ploy to make her different from her family.

Quote :
"And why is that."

I'm a sue.

Quote :
"I have no idea."

Of course we don't know, that's the exiting part!

Quote :
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Irrelevant.

Quote :
"No."

One of you is one too much.

Quote :
"Is your father still alive?"

I'd believe that'd be spoiled a little earlier.

Quote :
"Yes, but he is very sick. I don't know how that happened either."

*borrowing Alice's power* Aro made him sick.

Quote :
"Is this your true form?"

When did she say she's a shapeshifter?

Quote :
"No."

What form does a natural shapeshifter have in the first place? Do we with certain know that upon it's birth? May it have change continually throughout gestation?

Quote :
"Can you show us?"

"Yes" *I lied*

Quote :
"Ok." I said getting up from my seat. I changed into my original self, dress and all. (Pic on Profile) They all seemed shocked and I hadn't even reopened my eyes yet. When I did they all looked at them in amazement.

Now, you really have to stop that (Pic on Profile) thing, especially when you don't post your images. Furthermore, shouldn't the Cullens be looking at you instead of each other?

Quote :
"Why are your eyes such a strange color?" Carlisle asked.

I want to be like Madoka!

Quote :
"I don't really know. It's some indicator of my powers."

My eyes are somewhat indeterminable blue-grey with a tinge of green and with brown nodules. What would my power level be?

Quote :
"What are your powers?"

I'm God.

Quote :
"I don't really know."

Shapeshifting for sure. Reality warping should be on the list.

Quote :
"She's lying." Jasper told them. I smirked. Yep, definitely an empath.

AH! You corrected yourself! Now just keep that A away from definitely.

Quote :
"Why won't you tell us?" Carlisle asked.

PRIVACY DAMMIT!

Quote :
"Because, not even my parents know." They all looked at Jasper and he nodded, showing them I was telling the truth."

Now, Edward! Spoil it!

Quote :
"Do you have any more questions?" I said changing back into the human form.

Strictly, "my human form".

Quote :
"Yes, but only one. Why is Aro after you?"

"I have no idea."

Probably some stupid plan to use you to take over the world and become god himself after stealing your powers. Or is that to grand for you to come up with?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Damn, I'm getting tired here....not too far away from bedtime, should I risk a coffee?
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bleachedblackcat
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:59 pm

You know, I'd be pissed off also if I was a prince and was suddenly demoted to a count. Most princes get to be a duke of such and such but not poor Aro.
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PostSubject: Re: So-hybrid-she-should-be-sterile-princess on the run goes to high school   Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:19 am

Sorry, seems to be a bit of confusion here. Here in Norway, count, or "greve", happened to be one of the highest titles available, as we only had two dukes in the 1200's and I can't find anything on any marquis's. As far as Italy is concerned, I don't really have the bother to look up their interpretation of noble titles. Any Italians here who can provide an insight?
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