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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Wed Jun 06, 2012 5:02 pm

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Braigwen
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Wed Jun 06, 2012 11:27 pm

This.

No character has ever made me hate kittens.

She succeeded.
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GeorgeUK
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:55 am

Chapter 11, in which Umbridge Returns.

Quote :
The next morning I looked out the window and gasped! There were dementors flying around the school.

"Oh no, Voldemort's attacking!" I screamed.

At least it wasn't Ron.


Quote :
I realized I had to get to the Great Hall as fast as possible, so I quickly put on tweed underwear, a blood red tank top, a pink hobble skirt, and orange sandals.
Tweed underwear? That's going to be very itchy...


Quote :
"Yeah, I know," said Umbridge proudly. "They're guarding the school like when Sirius Black escaped. Ten points from Slytherin for questioning my methods!"

This is a first for this fic...somebody actually being in-character!


Quote :
Umbridge started talking in her ugly, slutty voice.

Spoke too soon.


Quote :
"The Ministry has learned that a sexist student named Ron has joined the Death Eaters," she said to everyone.

Sexist!Ron count: 19


Quote :
"Dumbledore isn't here anymore," Umbridge continued. "Fudge sent him and Hagrid to Azkaban because he's homophobic.

Sad thing is, I wouldn't be surprised if the author thinks Britain is really like this.


Quote :
"Don't worry, Lucius has agreed to not let other Death Eaters into Hogwarts," Umbridge assured us. "I know he's telling the truth because we did a pinky swear about it together.

And losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend...

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Quote :
Also Wormtail will be taking over for Hagrid. I don't see how any of this could go wrong and if you question any of it, you'll get detention writing with the Blood Quill."

I recall the last words of General Sedgwick, "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."


Quote :
"How could she DO this?" I asked Draco as we walked down a hall.

Well, first, she took over the school. Then she fired Dumbledore and Hagrid...


Quote :
"My dad will want me to join his side when he brings the other Death Eaters in," said Draco. "I can't betray him - he'd ground me forever. I guess we have to break up now. I'm sorry."

I started to cry. Umbridge had ruined everything!

So girls all obsess about boys in this. Isn't that a sexist stereotype?


Next time on Becoming Female: Care of Magical Creatures.
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:47 am

YAY PONIES! Ten points to... whichever house you think you'd be in.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:00 am

Chapter 12, in which Care of Magical Creatures is taught.

Quote :
We went to Care of Magical creatures, where Wormtail was teaching. Me and Draco weren't talking anymore because I didn't want him to get in trouble and I didn't know if Lucius knew my true identity.

Given that Ron's a death eater, yeah, Lucius knows.


Quote :
"Today, we'll learn about the Cruciatus Curse," said Wormtail in a ratty voice. "I'll be casting it on students I don't like."

Seems in-character.


Quote :
"What does that have to do with Care of Magical Creatures?" asked Luna angrily.

Isn't Luna a year below Draco and Harry Harriet Crystal Mary Sue?


Quote :
"How DARE you!" yelled Wormtail loudly. "You're betraying your father! I'm telling!" Then Wormtail ran away.

Anyone else get the impression of the tattletale who they were at school with?


Quote :
"Oh, Draco," I said as I began to cry. "What will become of us? I'm so scared! Are we going to die?"

Yes, because all girls need a strong male lead. Maybe Ron wrote this chapter.


Quote :
"No, we'll go to Gilderoy for help," said Draco in a mannish way. "He'll be able to fix everything just like he did when Ron attacked you in the 3 Broomsticks."

Don't, he's a fraud!


Quote :
"Lucius Malfoy is probably going to make Death Eaters attack Hogwarts!" I told Gilderoy. "You've got to do something! I'm so scared!"

"Don't worry, Sirius and I are working on a plan," Gilderoy said handsomely. "Just don't let Umbridge find out or she'll send us to Azkaban."

A plan so cunning it could be made professor of cunning at Oxford University.


Quote :
"I'm just going to go now," said Gilderoy awkwardly and he walked out of the room.

And promptly wiped the image from his mind with a swift Obliviate.

Next time on Becoming Female: Umbridge catches them. And hopefully there's more to work on, seeing as this chapter felt like filler.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Fri Jun 08, 2012 2:12 pm

Chapter 13, in which Umbridge catches them!

Quote :
"Do you want to... you know," he said awkwardly.

Play snooker? I'd LOVE to!


Quote :
"We could die tonight when Lucius brings in the Death Eaters," I pointed out. "I don't want to die a virgin."

Ah yes, because all girls think about is sex. Sexist much?


Quote :
"Okay, but we could get in real trouble for doing it in a teacher's office," said Draco as he started romantically rubbing his forehead against my cheek.

Then do it in the forbidden forest. Dumbledore's in Azkaban, remember.


Quote :
"I don't care anymore," I said. "I only want your love, Draco!"

And all your money in the divorce settlement!


So, in a moment ripped from My Immortal, as they're on the verge of having sex...

Quote :
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!"

YOU MOTHERFUKERS! It was....................................................Umbridge!

Come to think of it, she must have been tipped off. I wonder who it was.


Quote :
"I'm going to tell the whole school!" she laughed. "Even your father, Draco! And you're both going to have detention with the Blood Quill tonight! No one has sex in MY school!"

As much as I hate to say it, I'm with Umbridge on this. Having sex is forbidden on school premises worldwide.


Quote :
"And you two are going to be watched at all times so you can't try to to have sex ever again!"

Even after they leave school? Well, harsh but fair.


Quote :
"If I hear about you trying to have sex again," she said, "you're both expelled forever!"

As opposed to temporarily expelled...

"But-"
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Next time on Becoming Female: Detention with the Blood Quill, and the return of a sexist adversary. And yes, I will be incorporating ponies into this if I find a relevant line.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:30 pm

The ponies make it so much better.



Not really. But who doesn't love the ponies?
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:21 am

Chapter 14, in which they have detention with the Blood Quill.

Quote :
"I want you to write that you will not have sex ever in your lives," said Umbridge. "You won't be needing any ink."

How's she going to police it though? She won't be able to expel them after they leave school.


Quote :
"What do you mean?" asked Umbridge. "I've never met you before in my life, Crystal Potter."

Doesn't the name "Potter" ring any bells?


Quote :
Draco and I started writing the message while Umbridge drank Sprite from her tea cup. Of course, we didn't mean it and we were planning to have sex as soon as we got away from Umbridge.

Product Placement: 2

Also, there's bound to be a catch. Such as instant impotence.


Quote :
I even crossed a "t" for Draco so that we would be blood brother and sister.

So...blood incest?


Quote :
Suddenly, there was a a loud boom.

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Quote :
"How COULD you!" Umbridge shrieked. "I thought we had a deal! We did a pinky swear, remember?"

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Quote :
"Avada Kedavra!" said Lucius, pointing his wand at Umbridge. She flew out the window and fell into the moat.

The advantages of a 12-gauge double-barrelled wand.


Quote :
"Ha, now there's one less ugly woman in the world!" laughed Ron happily. Bellatrix looked uncomfortable with how sexist Ron was.

Sexist!Ron count: 20. Also, I have a bad feeling about this.


Quote :
Draco looked like he didn't know what to do. I saw tears welling up in his beautiful eyes. He wouldn't kill me, would he?

Then he killed her. The end.

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Next time on Becoming Female: Rescue.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Sat Jun 09, 2012 5:43 pm

I know this is supposed to be a badfic, but your snarking and the ponies are actually making it quite enjoyable.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Sun Jun 10, 2012 5:03 pm

Chapter 15, in which they escape.

Quote :
Draco grabbed my hand and we jumped out the broken window together.

Sustaining multiple broken bones from the several-floor plummet.


Quote :
Once we were on the ground, a whole bunch of Death Eaters started chasing us!

Look before you leap.


Quote :
"You'll never escape now!" laughed Ron as he watched us through the broken window. "Girls can't run very fast," he added because he was sexist.

Way to kill a dramatic line. Sexist!Ron count: 21


Quote :
"You won't escape that easily, you fools!" said Lucius. He turned into smoke and chased us.

Only Voldemort could do that, in the first film, because...you know, forget it.


Quote :
"Reducto!" said Gilderoy with his wand. The spell hit Lucius and made him fall like when Ginny used it. He didn't die because he landed on Umbridge's dead body and she was so fat that he bounced and landed softly on the ground.

Wouldn't reducto break every bone in his body?


Quote :
"NOOOOOO!" shouted Lucius as we flew out of sight.

Didn't he listen to Ron? No means yes!


Quote :
"I can't go back to the Dursleys as a girl," I said even though I wouldn't have wanted to go there anyway.

Sod's law says Vernon would be the only person in-character.


Quote :
"But my dad lives there and he's trying to kill us!" Draco pointed out.

Which is why you should go there and save us from the next 40 chapters.


Quote :
"He'll be wanted by the Ministry by now and so they won't let him go back there," replied Sirius.

"Okay," I said.

And when they got to Malfoy Manor, Lucius was waiting and promptly killed them.

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Next time on Becoming Female: They go to Draco's house.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:47 pm

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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Mon Jun 11, 2012 7:27 am

Thinking their ideas through is not something that applies to the characters in this.

Chapter 16, in which they are at Draco's house.

Quote :
"Oh, I know Sirius and Gilderoy," she laughed. "I dated Gilderoy back in wizard college. Who's the girl?"

Oh, just some random Sue I picked up.


Quote :
"Oh, that's Crystal Potter," explained Draco. "She used to be Harry Potter, but then she got turned into a girl by accident."

Careless talk costs lives, you know.


Quote :
"Yes," said Draco. "She's the only thing that matters to me in the world, so if you don't want us together..."

Then it would save us 39 chapters of Ron bashing.


Quote :
We all went into the house and went to sleep in beds.

Really? I thought they'd all sleep in bins.


Quote :
Gilderoy was grilling waffles with cantaloupe.

Doesn't sound appetising.


Quote :
"Yeah, I went into cooking after I couldn't be a professor after that sexist idiot Ron used his wand to accidentally erase my memory on purpose," explained Gilderoy.

Weren't you trying to erase his memory and leave Ginny to die? Sexist!Ron count: 22


Quote :
And they've made Ron the new headmaster!"

Isn't he underage?


Quote :
"I'm afraid they did," said Sirius heavily. "Ron's abolished the houses and he's divided the school between boys and girls. The boys get the half with the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, the Quidditch pitch, the library, and the prefects' bath while the girls get the Divination classroom, the kitchens, and the sewing machine room. He's also made the girls' uniform a bikini."

Seems legit.


Quote :
"That's sexist!" I yelled.

Sexist!Ron count: 23


Quote :
"Yeah," said Sirius sadly. "He's so sexist that he's forbidden girls from even doing their own writing. He goes around shouting 'STOP WRITING' over and over again because he's brain damaged and he needs a lobotomy."

"It's actually quite sad," I admitted. "If he weren't so sexist, I'd almost feel sorry for him."

Sexist!Ron count: 25


Quote :
"Yeah," Sirius repeated. "Anyway, Ginny's come to stay with us because Ron expelled her as well as all the girls who aren't hot." Ginny walked in the room looking miserable.

Knowing Sexist!Ron, expulsion was probably better than the alternative.


Quote :
"I can't believe I'm related to that sexist monster," said Ginny, almost on the verge of tears.

Sexist!Ron count: 26


Quote :
"Hey, it's okay," I told her. "We'll go shopping and everything will be better."

"Yeah, let's do that!" she said cheerfully. We ran out the door together!

Yes, because shopping solves everything.

Next time on Becoming Female: They go shopping. Again.
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GeorgeUK
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:19 pm

Chapter 17: Another day of shopping.

Quote :
"What are you doing here?" I asked in surprise.

Looking for the dole office. She was replaced by Lucius Malfoy, remember.


Quote :
"I heard about what happened to Hogwarts," she said sadly. "The only way to get rid of the Death Eaters there is with Dumbledore and Hagrid, but Fudge sent them to a Degayification Camp. He doesn't understand Dumbledore and Hagrid will lose all their powers if they become straight."

They can't become straight anyway. And British law forbids the construction of said camps.


Quote :
"We have to stop him!" I shouted. "That's homophobic!"

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Quote :
"Yeah, we have to get them out of there as soon as possible," she said. "Every second counts. Where were you and Ginny going anyway?"

Every second counts, you say? Sorry, girls, looks like you won't be able to go shopping.


Quote :
"We were going shopping," I said.

"Okay, I'll go shopping with you guys," said McGonagall. "Then we'll get Draco and go straight to the Degayification Camp."

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Can you imagine if we'd had that attitude during the war?

"Mr Churchill, we are ready to proceed with D-Day."

"Do it later, I want to go for fish & chips first."


Quote :
McGonagall got a sleeveless tube top, olive green platform shoes, an orange drap-de-Berry thong, a purple French maid outfit, orange unitard with blue polka dots, and a lustring sky blue microskirt.

GAAAAAHHHHHHH CANNOT UNSEE


Quote :
After that we went to Malfoy Manor to get Draco and take him to the Degayification Camp.

Which you should have done in the first place, instead of going shopping.

Next time on Becoming Female: The Degayification camp.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Mon Jun 11, 2012 2:04 pm

Is it a good thing or a bad thing that she spelled McGonagall correctly?

Quote :
McGonagall got a sleeveless tube top, olive green platform shoes, an orange drap-de-Berry thong, a purple French maid outfit, orange unitard with blue polka dots, and a lustring sky blue microskirt.

And then she burned all those hideous clothes and wore her customary green velvet cloak.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Mon Jun 11, 2012 6:15 pm

McGonagall... in a thong...


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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Tue Jun 12, 2012 6:33 am

Time for another chapter.

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Chapter 18, in which they go to the Degayification camp.

Quote :
"Hey, Draco," I said, walking into his bedroom without knocking. "We have to go save - AAAAAAAA!" I screamed. Draco was naked!

Did he have a really big boy's thingie?


Quote :
"Knock next time!" he yelled as he put his pillow in front of his huge member.

What's wrong with saying penis?


Quote :
I left the room. Later Draco came out wearing an orange and blue pinstriped suit with an olive clip-on tie and purple clogs!

Let me get this straight. He's going to a "Degayification (sounds like something a Dalek would say) dressed like that? Sounds like that scene in Die Hard with the sandwich board in Harlem.


Quote :
"Okay, let's go," said McGonagall as she lit a fire in the middle of the room.

Isn't there a fireplace?


Quote :
"We're doing Floo powder," she explained.

"Oh, never mind then," said Narcissa as the fire consumed the couch.

The stupidity! It burns!


Quote :
Fenrir Greyback was standing there wearing a park ranger outfit and all the gay people had been forced to wear unfashionable clothes!

Given what you consider to be fashionable, this might just as well have been a camp for people with no dress sense.


Quote :
Suddenly, Pansy walked in wearing a slutty pink outfit!

Slut!Pansy count: 6


Quote :
"But I'm a Cheerleader!" yelled Pansy.

Hooray for random title drops!


Quote :
"Men need to think of girls as objects rather than people," said Fenrir in an evil voice. "Otherwise it means they're gay!"

"No, it doesn't!" yelled Draco. "That's sexist! And I'm straight and I love Crystal as a person!"

"That means you're gay!" laughed Fenrir. "You should join the camp too! Wait, what are you doing here anyway?"

Of all the multiple Draco/Harry fics there are, you had to be in the single one where they aren't gay. And he's here to advance what excuse for a plot there is.

How many Drarry slash fics are there?

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Quote :
"Now we'll take you out of here!" said McGonagall as she put Floo powder into the campfire. We all went into the campfire.

However, she didn't set the coordinates right and they ended up in Alabama.


Quote :
We came out in the living room.

Well, given where they'd come from (audience boos)


Quote :
By now it had half burned down.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.


Quote :
Okay, readers, should Draco and Crystal do it now or should they save themselves for marriage? What do you think?

I think Draco should spontaneously develop impotence.


Next time on Becoming Female: Sex.

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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Tue Jun 12, 2012 9:19 am

Chapter 19, in which they have sex.

Quote :
Ha, ha, someone with bad grammar told me this was terrible and then called me a troll! If I was a troll (which I'm not) wouldn't I already think it was terrible? BTW, Crystal is not a Mary Sue.

Yes she is. And yes, this is terrible.


Quote :
"Don't be shy," said Draco encouragingly. "Just take off your clothes."

Gratuitous sex scene ahoy!


Quote :
We continued to kiss as Draco inserted "himself" into me.

He put his thingy into her you-know-what.


Quote :
"Ah! Ah!" I screamed as Draco went deeper and deeper into my pleasure hole. I felt like I was giving myself to him completely. After this, there would be nothing more I could possibly give. But no boy deserved it more than my Draco!

This is like a cross between Cupcakes and My Immortal.


Quote :
And then I had an orgasm! And then another! It was pleasure beyond pleasure! As I had more orgasms, I forget about the world around me. Nothing existed anymore except for me, Draco, and the incredible pleasure between my legs.

And then...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS! It was....................................Dumbledore!


Quote :
I felt the pure ecstasy of sex several more times before we finally got tired and collapsed. I was surprised I didn't notice how sweaty we had become. Draco threw away the gauzy sheet to give our bodies some cool air, but I didn't mind. I didn't feel embarrassed being naked in front of Draco anymore. I curled up to his still sweaty, amazing body and let him hold me. I didn't need any covering other than his manly arms. We fell asleep like that!

And then Draco took off his mask. He was Ron!

Thank god that's over. Next time on Becoming Female: Back to Hogwarts.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Wed Jun 13, 2012 6:31 am

Chapter 20, in which they go back to Hogwarts.

Quote :
People are now calling me sexist! Weren't you paying attention when I said I don't share the views of Ron? I say that at the beginning of chatper 3 if you'll notice. Besides, I can't be sexist cuz I'm a girl lol.

That's the defence Harriet Harman uses, and she never fools anyone.


Quote :
"We must go back to Hogwarts," said Dumbledore in a very serious voice. "We can't let that sexist idiot Ron run the place any longer!"

Sexist!Ron count: 27


Quote :
Ginny is underage so she can't go."

And she's also expelled.


Quote :
"No fair!" yelled Ginny madly. She marched upstairs and slammed her door so loud the whole mansion shook and a chandelier fell on the floor and broke into twelve piece.

Well, I think she just proved Dumbledore's point for him by acting like a two-year-old in Poundland.


Quote :
"Are you ready to go?" asked Hagrid as Narcissa started to cry about the broken chandelier which had been expensive.

She'd better be. Our heroes have done so much damage, I wouldn't blame Narcissa if she handed them over to Ron.


Quote :
"Think of something happy!" Sirius told me in a helpful voice. I thought of when me and Draco had had sex.

And the Dementor ran off, screaming "Make it Stop!"


Quote :
We ran onto the grounds, but then Death Eaters started attacking us with wands!

Really? I thought they'd attack with cheeseburgers.


Quote :
"I guess it's up to us," I said once we were inside the oak front doors. "We'll have to stop that sexist idiot Ron by ourselves!"

Sexist!Ron count: 28

Next time on Becoming Female: The sexist school (no more filler for some time, hopefully)
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Wed Jun 13, 2012 11:17 am

Chapter 21, in which the school is sexist.

Quote :
In the Entrance Hall, we saw the beautiful doors to the Great Hall had "GENTLEMEN GO HERE" written on it and the ugly doors leading to the dungeons said "BITCHES THIS WAY."

Sounds legit.


Quote :
I couldn't believe how sexist that sexist idiot Ron was!

Sexist!Ron count: 29


Quote :
"This is sexist!" I yelled in an amazed voice.

How could I not have known that Ron would be sexist?


Quote :
"I don't know how we can get to Ron's office," said Draco sadly. "He's probably changed where everything is since he took over like Dumbledore did in our third year for no reason."

Really? You must have had a different copy of POA to the one I had. Unless it was a shoutout to the films...


Quote :
Maybe we can convince them to rebel against Ron and kill that sexist idiot for good this time!"

As opposed to temporarily killing him. Sexist!Ron count: 30


Quote :
I went down into the dungeons. I saw all the girls were wearing ugly gray micro bikinis and walking into the kitchen. Lucius was making them go by flailing them with a whip.

As opposed to whipping them with a whip.


Quote :
"Make food for the boys and maybe you won't get raped!" he laughed evilly.

Just in case breaking a Pinkie promise didn't drive home the point that he was evil.


Quote :
"STOP!" I yelled bravely. "This is wrong and it's SEXIST!"

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Quote :
"Okay, I'll wear a bikini!" I screamed as I tried to cover myself with my hands and the slutty girls like Pansy giggled.

Slut!Pansy count: 7


Quote :
"I thought you might change your mind," said Lucius in a mean voice. He did the spell again and I was wearing a bikini like the other girls. I started to cry and Hermione and Luna came up to comfort me. They had been forced to wear the bikinis too, making them look like sluts even though they weren't. Lucius laughed.

Well, you're a Sue, and Sues generally wear either a bikini or goffik clothes.


Quote :
Lucius just laughed his head off like he was crazy or something.

You'd have to be to appear in this.


Quote :
"I'll tell Ron we have you now," he said.

And as we all know, Ron is so sexist.


Quote :
Then he made us all go into the kitchen with his whip.

"And give me my whip back!"

Next time on Becoming Female: They're trapped.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:52 pm

...Needs more sexist Ron. new possible meme anyone?
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:17 pm

GeorgeUK wrote:
Quote :

"Think of something happy!" Sirius told me in a helpful voice. I thought of when me and Draco had had sex.


And the Dementor ran off, screaming "Make it Stop!"

I nearly spit out my snowcone.
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PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:13 am


Quote :
Really? I thought they'd attack with cheeseburgers.

Thank you for a mental image that made me laugh for a good five minutes straight.
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GeorgeUK
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Join date : 2011-05-16

PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:56 am

Chapter 22, in which they're trapped.

Quote :
After we made food for the boys, we went to the girls' common room. It used to be the Hufflepuff common room,

This will most likely be Hufflepuff's only appearance in this fic.


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but Ron had had all the walls painted pink because he was sexist.

Sexist!Ron count: 31


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"The boys come down here all the time to try to rape us and say sexist things," she said angrily, "but we aren't allowed to go up there

You don't have to. This is a school of MAGIC. Point it at their balls, diffindo, job done.


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Bellatrix ran away and went to Voldie because she thinks Ron is too sexist.

If Bellatrix was in-character, there'd be little bits of Ron scattered across the country. Sexist!Ron count: 32


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"I guess it goes to show how evil Ron is that Voldie doesn't seem so bad anymore."




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"The Death Eaters made Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid, Gilderoy, and Sirius go away," he told us.

Some fighters they turned out to be. I can just imagine:

"Hey, you lot! Bugger off!"

"OK."


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"You and Draco are now trapped here forever!"

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"NOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed.

As Ron said in an earlier chapter, No means Yes.


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"Ron wants me to bring you and Draco up to his office," Lucius conveyed evilly. "I think he's going to punish you!"

But he may become unsexist and not punish you-who am I kidding, he's going to punish you.


Next time on Becoming Female: Up to the Office room.
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GeorgeUK
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2011-05-16

PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Fri Jun 15, 2012 4:39 am

Chapter 23, in which it's up to the Office room.

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"Say the password, Wormtail," said Lucius smugly.

Is it something sexist?


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"Girls suck," laughed Wormtail and the gargoyle jumped aside.

Thought so.


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Ron had taken down all the pictures of old headmasters and headmistresses and replaced them with moving photos of porn girls. It was disgusting and I was sure some of them were underage!

Depends what you mean by underage. Age of consent is 16 in Britain. Of course, knowing Ron...


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Ron was sitting on the desk thing, wearing an old-fashioned suit and smoking a cigarette with his ugly red hair slicked back. He looked exactly like that sexist idiot Don Draper.

Don Draper, that sounds like...no, not even the author would be so unsubtle.


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"I bow before you, my sexist master!" said Lucius as he and Wormtail got down on the floor. "What is your bidding today?"

Sexist!Ron count: 33


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"What are you going to do to me?" I asked in a scared voice.

This is Ron we're talking about. Guess.


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Ron laughed. He reached into his pants and pulled out his wand!

And by wand she of course means penis.


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"NO!" I screamed as Ron started to play with his wand in his hands.

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"Take off your bikini," said Ron, proudly holding his wand at me. "This spell only works if you're naked!"

Reeeeeaaaaaaaaaallllllllly subtle.


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"NO!" I screamed, running from the room as Ron made white stuff come out of his wand. Lucius and Wormtail started chasing me!

And she promptly ran into the closed door and got caught.

Next time on Becoming Female: Draco saves her.
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GeorgeUK
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2011-05-16

PostSubject: Re: Becoming Female   Sat Jun 16, 2012 2:48 pm

Chapter 24, in which Draco saves her. Filler ahoy.

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I ran down the escalator. Draco did a spell to make Lucius and Wormtail fall, proving he wasn't a sniveling coward.

Attacking from distance is pretty cowardly.


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"We need to get out of here!" I yelled proactively as he carried me, proving I wasn't a whimpering damsel in distress.

If you weren't a damsel in distress, you'd stand on your own two feet.


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"Okay," said Draco as he carried me all the way up to the top of the Astronomy Tower. Ron had changed it so that you could only use the telescope to spy on girls taking baths in Hogwarts and Hogsmeade as well.

Must be one hell of a telescope.


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Draco gentlemanly set me down near where he'd been when he'd been unable to kill Dumbledore.

So, this takes place post-HBP, but Dumbledore is alive, Snape's still teaching, DOES NOT COMPUTE


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"Can you handle this?" he asked because he was a gentleman and not a coward like a person needing a lobotomy would think.

Or even a prep would think?


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"Yes, just hold me tight so I don't get too scared!" I said bravely since I was not some damsel in distress.

The evidence is compelling.


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"Okay, here goes!" said Draco. We slid down the rope. I screamed and closed my eyes because I was terrified. But Draco was holding me tight and I knew he would never let go!

And then he let go.

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Then we landed on the roof of the Three Broomsticks restaurant or whatever it is.

Maybe it was the McDonald's restaurant.


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I saw Lucius and Wormtail were sliding on the rope after us!

So cut the rope. What's the problem?


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Draco untied the rope from the roof where we were and it went away. Lucius and Wormtail went all the way down the rope and into the lake!

Where the giant squid ate them.


Next time on Becoming Female: New BIG plan.
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