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 Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name

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TheIan
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PostSubject: Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name   Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:14 am

Well holy shit, look what I found!

It’s got a Sue. That for certain should raise some flags. But not just any Sue; it’s a Sue who’s daughter to two canon that aren’t Arthas or Jaina. It’s the daughter…

Of Sylvanas and Kael’Thas.

This is a bad pairing in itself, Kael’Thas being the former Prince of Quel’Thalas and Sylvanas the former Ranger-General. Not once has there ever been any interaction between the two to suggest the pairing could work, yet many fans know Kael’Thas wanted to get in Jaina’s pants.
Of course, in the right context, Kael’Thas is hilarious.

But enough nit-picking canon for now!
This is the story of Selarsolennious…
Seirunkafnicus…
Sypphillisnixnic…
Fuck it, I’m just gonna call her Steve for this snark.

Quote :
Panting as she ran through the gothic woodland, the banshee lost herself to deep, raging thoughts on the events that had just accrued. Arthas, the digusting man who had taken everything from her, and severed her very soul from her body, had escaped her long planned revenge like a coward. Elune knows where's he is.
But Seeing as High Elves don’t worship Elune, Sylvanas is at a disadvantage.

I admit, the writing isn’t wholly terrible, but that seems to be the only good definition of this story.

Quote :
But, even as Sylvanas thought about the blood of Arthas finally being drained from his body, she felt that she had over looked something.
She forgot to renew her subscription to Vengeance Monthly?

Quote :
Sighing as she paused, letting the relief of stopping overcome her body, her hand acted on its own, and moved into a faintly recognizable gesture to any woman.
It was the middle-finger, wasn’t it?

Because that’s pretty much what this block paragraph feels like to me.

Quote :
For once in her life, Sylvanas Windrunner, 2nd eldest daughter to the high borne elven family of the Windrunners, the former Ranger-General of Que'Thals, did not care who saw her or what image she had to uphold.
She was a Pegasister and proud!

Meanwhile, somewhere else… Enter Steve!
Quote :
As if something pulled her to it, a young high borne elf looked to the sky out of her window. Her Aunt Veerseea told her the sky held many answers, and it sometimes calls to us to explain our destines.
Aunt Veerseea, AKA Aunt Not-Appearing-In-This-Story, is one of many more who believe in the Giant Metal Hand in the Sky.

Quote :
Toying with her almost white blonde hair, Selareosona Windrunner drifted into one of her many uneasy dreams, which only once she reached the dream would she meet Sylvanas and go on adventures with this wondrous and clever woman. This woman named Sylvanas who she so desperately longed to meet
She’s in the Royal Quarter of the Undercity. There, I’m a regular fucking Kojak.

That was just the prologue, folks. And for a prologue, it was kind of boring.

Check back later when I decide to dive into the first chapter. For right now, I need for wait for my Cooldowns.
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StandupShady
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name   Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:53 am

Quote :
I admit, the writing isn’t wholly terrible

Quote :
Panting as she ran through the gothic woodland...

Gothic woodland? Really? Dry

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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name   Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:30 am

And now I dive into the first chapter!

Quote :
One year since she had regained her body. One year since she had regained her conscience. One year since Arthas had slaughtered her people and family. It had all led up to this moment, hadn't it?
I think the time between Arthas enslaving Sylvanas and Arthas's end took a lot longer than a year, author.

Quote :
Coming here to the frigid artic of Northrend, her Forsaken army at her whims, with the sole purpose of avenging all that she had lost to that abomination.
..to do what must be done, by her, for she shall do it, and it shall be done by her, Sylvanas Jojo!

Quote :
Sylvanas looked down upon her former enslaver's corpse. She knew he would not be buried, for she would not allow it if any fool dare try.
Why? Arthas is dead, it's not like anyone didn't want something he dropped, and if they did, they could just reset the Raid again.

Quote :
As her goal, her sole purpose in the undead, showed itself to be completed to her, the banshee could not help but feel as though something was amiss. She felt as if another player in this card game had hidden an ace she had not caught before.
So people do play card games in Azeroth!

But Sylvanas is mopy because...
Quote :
Cradling her womb area, a habit she had begun, she softly whispered to its emptiness. She slowly turned to face the bottomless drop off the snow covered throne room.
"Hush, sweet one, I am coming."

Quote :
The few heroes that had a hand in Arthas' death watched in utter shock as the un-dead elf threw herself far out into the air and plummeted as if she herself had become an arrow in her bow.
Lady Sylvanas trying for her "Going Down?" Achievement.

WHAT.

Quote :
As Sylvanas dropped into fast eloping darkness, she began to understand her eternal life. To stay in her darkness and suffer. But she did not care. She didn't need anyone. But, her tears spilled over and Sylvanas drifted further into her forever darkness.
Forever Darkness, the new hit single by Razor and the Blades, the Gothiest Goth band EVAR!



I think you missed the point of Sylvanas' character somewhere, author.

Quote :
After what seemed like what could be days or hours, minutes or years, Sylvanas felt as if her world was getting brighter.
Oh good, her Namebrand Antidepressant's kicking in finally. Now if only there was a prescription drug that worked to tell the difference of a time-span.

Quote :
The Ranger-General drew herself upwards, looking down at this bright creatures while hissing her deepest furies at them.


Quote :
A large female, who's wings were foreshadowed in black, rose her hand in a gentle yet commanding gesture.
"Kitty want some catnip?"

Quote :
"Peace, Sylvanas, we have come as friends to rather than enemies."

Almost laughing at their lies, the Ranger-General sneered.
"And what would I want with that bustard's sluts?"

Agatha's eyes seem unbothered by the almost dead-on comment.
The audience, meanwhile, try to figure out what a bustard is.

And because the author is stupid and thinks her audience is even moreso, she uses the Val'Kyr to infodump exposition on us, which most lore-nerds (like myself) already know.

Quote :
"Sylvanas, without your rule over them, the Forsaken will lose their hold on Loredreon and will only ravage about like shallow, brainless beasts."
Sylvanas sneered at them with annoyance.
I'm with you on calling bullshit, Sylvanas.

Quote :
"What do I have to do?"
In unison, val'kyrs' voices spoke into the darkness.
"Become the Banshee Queen."

Author, Sylvanas already is the Banshee Queen! She's the one Horde Leader and Alliance Raid does last because getting to her is such a chore!

Quote :
Everyone's eyes showed utter shocked as they noticed Sylvanas' body begin to rise. She rose to her proud stand and looked every being around her over with a burning gaze. Her voice raked over ever bone as she sneered,
"You all are making quiet the utter fools staring with faces as ridiculous as those."
And you, author, are making yourself look less and less competent without proper spell-checking.

As the chapter nears its end, we finally get a short scene with the main character, Steve.
Quote :
Selareosona's eyes were fixed upon the messenger who had come with great news to Vereesa. His bones hung out in odd places on his body, and he was missing a few teeth. Yet aside from his strange body, his manners were very respectful in any high class society. And he brought news that Sel couldn't dare to believe.
"Mists of Pandaria?! Awesome!"

Quote :
Cliffhanger ^^ while I'm author noting this I'll do a disclaimer.
I do NOT own World of Warcraft, or its characters. I only have rights to Sel. Thanks for reading guys and I'll get the next chapter out ASAP, but until then please review it. And to encourage reviews here's a question. How do you think Sylvanas will/ should react to her child's well-being? Well until next time everyone ^^.
Fuck you, author. I hope you die in a fire.
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Sutremaine
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name   Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:17 am

TheIan wrote:
The audience, meanwhile, try to figure out what a bustard is.
It's a type of bird.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name   Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:29 am

You sure you don't mean a buzzard?
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Sutremaine
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name   Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:55 am

Ayup.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name   Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:05 am

Well OK then.

Still, story's pretty bad.
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Cunovendus
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name   Mon Apr 02, 2012 1:58 am

Quote :
That a eleven woman who dawned ranger clothes and her crimson eyes raged with fierce anger, and hair that was a deathly pale cream that flowed in waves from the elf's dark velvet hood. This dangerous, enraged hunter, was battling fiercely to save Sela, in a foreign, damp city, Selaerosona felt her savior approaching.

So, who are these eleven women, who is Dawn, whose clothes is she wearing, and who is the elf with a velvet hood?
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knightwithoutacause
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Sue with an Unpronounceable Name   Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:12 am

Quote :
That a eleven woman who dawned ranger clothes and her crimson eyes raged with fierce anger, and hair that was a deathly pale cream that flowed in waves from the elf's dark velvet hood.

Eleven women were squirting Dawn soap all over clothes? Why? Also, hair that is a deathly pale cream? Well, at least it will help with the itching that will occur if she's allergic to the Dawn soap those women are putting on her clothes.
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