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 Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular

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PostSubject: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:22 pm

So, I had a brief skim of the TNG fics on FF.net and found this. It's pretty poor, as per the description. There's actually a possibility that it's an elabourate trollfic. I was tempted to list off all the shittiness and just leave it at that, but that would be lazy.

We'll start with the basics. That old chestnut of badfic called the Mary Sue. This fic's protagonist is Kunsei, almost a parody of Mary Sues.

She's 16. And is already a Commander. And the only remaining member of her species (A "Draconian". Some sort of anthro Dragon, I assume). And she's annoying, really annoying:

Quote :
"Riker! Riker! Wake up!" Kunsei jumped onto the Commander's bed, bouncing on her knees, violently shaking the large lump under light blue sheets, "I say, wake up!" She stepped over the mound and poked a visible ear with a finger.

The shape moved, covering itself. Kunsei growled, "Wake up!" Placing her hands on a covered shoulder, and with a strong thrust, pushed the mound off the bed.

"Kunsei!" William Riker, the First Officer and Commander of the U.S.S Enterprise, stood up, half dressed, as he glared at the teenage girl.

"The Captain needs you, and your still in your underwear! Get up!"

"I'm up now!" Riker said, gazing at her, "What makes you think you can just push me off my bed?"

"I happen to be the same rank as you, Riker, and Picard himself ordered me to wake you up!" Kunsei sneered, still kneeling on Riker's bed, "Now get dressed!"

She stood up and adjusted her red and black Star Fleet uniform, watching Riker pull on his own, "Honestly, how did you become Commander at sixteen years old."

This is the start of the fic. No context. No anything. Just "here is my nuisance engine of a Sue being all kooky and weird." And 16? That's more like 8 to me. By the way, you see that? That's what the whole fic looks like. No matter what's going on, dialogue, description, scene transition. It's all rendered with at most three sentances together and a double space onto the next line. And Commander or not, Riker's still the first officer. Tell her to get the fuck out of your room.

So anyway, Kunsei is preparing to revisit her previous ship, which I assume she served on when she was a glint in her father's eye, the Malinche, who's captain and crew were mean to her when she was there. Thus ticking the "twagic and/or angsty past" box. Riker goes with her for some nebulous reason about needing to be taken to a conference whilst the Enterprise undergoes repairs.

Quote :

Riker and Kunsei were energized onto the Malinche, and Captain Blaise greeted them, "Welcome to the Malinche Commanders." His gaze fell coldly on Kunsei.

She held her own gaze, her eyes flashing in temptation and Riker felt a shiver travel down his spine.

"If you will come with me, I'll be happy to show you where your quarters are while you're onboard." Blaise continued, and then turned to lead them.

Kunsei started to follow, but Riker grabbed her arm and hissed into her ear, "Don't even think about pulling anything. We're here as representatives of the Enterprise. I expect you to act accordingly."

"I'm not a Lieutenant anymore Riker. I'm here to prove myself, not to murder," Kunsei hissed back to him, before breaking free of his grip and stepping out to meet Blaise. Riker sighed, and soon followed as well.

If there's such problem why is she there? Seriously. Anyhow, Riker and Kunsei are given the same quarters. Space is obviously tight on the Malinche. Whilst there, naturally Riker becomes tempted by the hot Dragon jailbait. She's in a relationship (or "a thing") with Data by the way.

Quote :
In the dim lights, Riker noticed Kunsei's uniform on the floor besides her bed, and he looked up.

Kunsei had sat up, her eyes tired as the blanket had fallen slightly, but her hand held it to her chest. Riker stared at her exposed, bare shoulders, his mind wondering into imagery about what else could be under that blanket.

He quickly pushed the images from his mind, as Kunsei cocked her head, "Why not?"

"Not tired."

"Bullshit." Kunsei smirked, "You're exhausted."

"And you're naked." Riker quickly slapped his hand over his mouth, Fuck…what did I just say?

She's not actually, she's just topless. Riker keeps fucking digging himself in it until:

Quote :

She approached him, and sat on the edge of his bed, "What is it Riker?"

It seemed to happen instantaneously, as Riker pulled her down and on top of him, and she hissed, "Riker!"

Her hiss was cut short as Riker attacked her mouth with his own, What the hell am I doing?

Against his hands, he felt her shoulder blades flex threateningly, as she tried to fight her way out of his grip, "Let go of me!"

Riker found himself to enveloped with fear to let her go, as her green eyes snapped into his gaze, the black pupils large and menacing.

She snarled and Riker cried out in pain as she snapped her sharpened teeth onto his neck.

Yep. Will Riker just tried to rape an underage girl. That's what that scene amounts to. Seriously, the dirt won't come off no matter how hard I scrub.

There's no hint of any consenuality here. Kunsei even starts to re-dress after Riker points out that she's not wearing a whole lot. Now I know Riker is a randy git, and he was accused of attempted rape in an episode, but this well beyond what he'd actually do. And what's more it ends up totally not being a big deal. Luckily, Captain Blaise is a fucked up pervert who's been spying on them, and refers to Kunsei as a "sex-crazed demon" (so I assume he tried to rape her and got bitten too), which prompts her to attack him until Riker has her beamed off the Malinche and onto the Enterprise.

Quote :

"You…bitch!" Kunsei snarled to Riker, "I could have killed him!"

"You shouldn't have attacked him in the first place!" Picard growled.

"I have my reasons!" Kunsei hissed, standing up, wiping blood off her chin and cheek.

"By the way, Captain. Riker tried to rape me. Please put him in the Brig."

So, sometime later, they discuss the fallout from this. And when I say 'fallout' I mean Kunsei's mood. Not important details like whose having charges pressed against them. So they send Data around to talk to her.

Quote :
He stepped towards her again, and he noticed the clouded glare in her eyes, and he realized she was slightly intoxicated, "Kunsei! You are only sixteen! What do you think you are doing?"

Ah, her age is indeed relevant and comparable to that of a human. So if Data's her SO, he can join Riker in jail for banging a 16 year old.

Actually scratch that, we can do him for this instead:

Quote :
"For the past few days, you have been acting like a bitch!"

Kunsei blinked, and even Data felt shocked at what he had said.

"So…what?" Kunsei snorted.

Without thought, Data smacked her and she yelped in surprise, falling down onto her back. Her head hit the table, the glass falling to the floor and its contents spilling onto the carpet.

Is it just me, or is that a domestic abuse scene? Can just see it now: "Technically Captain, the table did most of the damage, not my hand. It was actually her own fault..."

Seriously. It's not just me, right?

Oh, and remember what I said about Blaise probably trying to rape her. Looks like there was no 'trying' about it:

Quote :
Data, instinctively, put his arm around her, "Go ahead, tell me…"
"He…raped me…several times…" The words were raspy and weak, "Soon, the crew members noticed, and Blaise pinned it on me, said I was the one who raped him."

Fabulously classy fic, this. Oh and since I assume Captain Rapist was believed, since he's commanding a ship and isn't on a penal colony, why is Kunsei still in Starfleet at all?

So Captain Rapist demands that Kunsei be beamed back to his ship for attacking him. When Picard refuses, Rapist responds in a completely rational manner:

Quote :
Picard started feeling concerned, "Data, where are…!" He had no time to finish, as the Enterprise suddenly, and violently, jerked and Kunsei snarled.

Worf growled, "The Malinche is firing its phasers at us!"

C'mon. Does he actually expect to achieve anything here? Make your villain at least half-way believeable please. Does he have a "What Would Hitler Do?" poster in his Ready Room?

Kunsei proceeds to blast herself out and airlock and... deep breath now, turns into a fire breathing dragon:

Quote :
Kunsei screeched and felt her body rip itself apart, large red wings gashing out of her back, horns curving from her head, her hands and feet knotting and sharpening in clawed hands. Her face lengthened and her teeth sharpened into bone-crushing fangs.

She snarled, her body half the size of the saucer she sat upon, tipping the ship forwards. She beat her wings and her tail lashed across the disc, creating a deep gorge in the metal.

A phaser beam attacked her and she screamed, diving behind the Malinche and fire erupted from her mouth to the main thrusters.

And yeah, firebreathing in space... Actually y'know, since it's one of the fics lesser problems, I'm actually not going to go into much detail on it.

In response, Captain Rapist does the only reasonable thing here and activates his auto-destruct sequence, destroying his ship, killing his entire crew, and seemingly Kunsei with it. The Enterprise, complete with it's damaged engines that it needed to go to a Starbase to fix thus sending Riker and Kunsei to the Malinche starting the whole plot of this turd of a fic off in the first place, escapes the explosion at Warp 9.

I'll be honest, the shittiness of the fic kind of peaks here, the rest is boring more than anything else, but I finished it off anyway, if you want to read:

Spoiler:
 
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Sat Mar 10, 2012 7:07 pm

Good Christ that fic is well shit. It's as if the author doesn't even like the Star Trek cast.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Fri Apr 13, 2012 8:34 pm

Quote :
"I'm up now!" Riker said, gazing at her, "What makes you think you can just push me off my bed?"

"I happen to be the same rank as you, Riker, and Picard himself ordered me to wake you up!" Kunsei sneered, still kneeling on Riker's bed, "Now get dressed!"
Yeah, that's totes how a military operation works. Except, you know...not.

And why the hell would Picard have someone else wake up Riker when they all have access to a little thing called COMM BADGES?

I'm not touching the Data character assassination with a ten foot pole wearing a HAZMAT suit.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:54 pm

I had a look at the author's profile
Quote :
Okay, so I have a personal request for those who actually reads this profile and my stories. I would really appriecate positive reviews because I really love hearing from you guys!
Somehow, I doubt it.
Quote :
Please don't leave negative reviews or I shall cyber-rape you into last Tuesday...
Uh-huh.
Quote :
I'm Kunsei, yes, that is my name, what of it? LOL. I'm sixteen years of age, human with a dragon's soul (not really, or am I?) and British blood, and I'm an aspiring author and artist. I want to go into the manga business or maybe write my own epic novels.
Oh, God.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:59 am

What, she actually believes she is her character?

Red Alert! Red Alert!
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:02 pm

[off topic]

Whenever I hear Red Dragon I think of This Guy despite the numerous other associations. Including a rather nice beer. Weird.

[/off topic]
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:15 pm

rachel wrote:
I had a look at the author's profile
Quote :
Okay, so I have a personal request for those who actually reads this profile and my stories. I would really appriecate positive reviews because I really love hearing from you guys!
Somehow, I doubt it.
Quote :
Please don't leave negative reviews or I shall cyber-rape you into last Tuesday...
Uh-huh.
Quote :
I'm Kunsei, yes, that is my name, what of it? LOL. I'm sixteen years of age, human with a dragon's soul (not really, or am I?) and British blood, and I'm an aspiring author and artist. I want to go into the manga business or maybe write my own epic novels.
Oh, God.

I'd have left her a review but anons are disabled on her profile and I wasn't arsed making an FF account. Although now I might just to see will I be "cyber-raped"...
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Mon Apr 16, 2012 9:21 am

Red Dragon was also the name of the first Hannibal Lector novel.

Imagining Lector killing the Sue and eating her with fava beans and a nice Chianti doesn't make the story tolerable, though.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Tue Apr 17, 2012 10:10 am

Quote :
"If by inconceivably, like a total bitch, yeah." Geordi remarked,
Quote :
"For the past few days, you have been acting like a bitch!"
Quote :
"Kunsei! You're bullshitting yourself! You don't belong here!" Riker growled back.
Real professionals, these guys. I am surprized this little bit:
Quote :
"Well, aren't we subtle this mourning." Riker said, leaning forwards and kissing Picard.

Picard returned the gesture, a little too ravenously.

"Oh…Captain…" Riker moaned, feeling the man's warm hand sweep over sensitive skin.

"Data to Picard."
Does not straight-up end with Picard calling Data a cock-blocking bitch.

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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:31 am


  1. I love how infrequently there's justification for "Last of their kind" sues. Were they hunted down? Disease? Disaster? There can be only one? At least TRY and justify her specialness.
  2. So when they needed to send someone to talk to Kunsei, they sent Data, her "boyfriend." Not Picard, not Troi (isn't this sort of thing pretty much her job?) - Data. Sure.
  3. If Riker were so "overwhelmed with lust" for Kunsei, wouldn't he just hit the holodeck and work things out from there?
  4. Not a single member of Blase's crew protests him opening up on the Federation's flagship?
  5. Doesn't self-destruct take authorization from both the CO and XO?


And those are just the questions I have from what's posted here.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Tue May 01, 2012 11:52 am

Ah, yes, Kunsei. I was wondering when she would show up (either here or somewhere else) for a sporking. What makes it better ("better"?) is that there's a whole series about her, and that this...

Quote :
Important Note: This story is a re-upload from a previous account. Was called "Red Dragon" on the account.
...should really read "Is called," because the account still exists, as do the two stories she has since reposted. (I found it by accident, browsing one day, because the pen-name is--surprise, surprise!--"Kunsei.") I can only assume it's an attempt to get more attention?

I actually left a review on one of her stories ("Fetishes" for the curious), and a full month later she finally responded. She must have assumed it was ultimately positive because of the ":D" or something, because she actually addressed things I brought up in the review, albeit very briefly and not very intelligently. I responded a bit more directly (and sans emoticons), and it was then that the big fangirl guns were waved around. She has pulled out "don't like, don't read!", told me to stop hating on her, that my attitude is making her mad, and to "shut up" before she brings "questionable language into [the] conversation." Really, her PMs alone are pretty spork-worthy, but I confess I couldn't find any information about whether it was okay to quote private conversations or not, so I decided to err on the side of caution.

She really makes it too easy. I would love to see someone else leave a review. I'm tempted to keep responding, myself, despite how I have far better things to do--I'm perversely curious about whether or not she'll "cyber-rape" me, and just what exactly that entails.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Wed May 02, 2012 4:42 pm

^ We do not really have hard and fast rules about stuff like that. I am pretty sure it is within the rights of either of the two participants in a private conversation to share that conversation if they choose to, and people have shared PMs before. I guess you could call it a danger zone though, since we are not supposed to be about deliberately provoking, harrassing, or trolling authors here. *shrug*

Ugh, I am pretty sure I effed my grammar to all hell there but whatever.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Fri May 04, 2012 6:06 pm

^ Ahh, I see. Thanks for the info. Once upon a time I knew the ins and outs of GAFF pretty well, but, well, different time, different place and all that. I'll probably just play it safe and leave off direct quotes. (At least for now. I did dare to respond to her in a non-trolling manner, so we'll see where that goes, if anywhere...)
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Sun May 06, 2012 11:41 am

Plush wrote:
"shut up" before she brings "questionable language into [the] conversation."
Ninnies like these are usually full of hate in their hearts.

It's fun to prod them and see the façade fall off.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Mon May 07, 2012 10:32 am

Exodia's Right Leg wrote:
Ninnies like these are usually full of hate in their hearts.

That's putting it mildly...if we were to psychoanalyze this woman, I'll bet even money we'd find out that she's got anger management issues and interpersonal relationship problems the size of the Grand Canyon. If I saw her on the street my first, second, third, and tenth instinct would be to run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. And she's not only full of hate and anger, she's also pure evil.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Mon May 07, 2012 1:48 pm

Plush wrote:
Once upon a time I knew the ins and outs of GAFF pretty well, but, well, different time, different place and all that.
Oh I see. Yeah, in theory the same rules apply but now-a-days they get bent quite a bit more.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Mon May 07, 2012 2:40 pm

Chris91 wrote:
Exodia's Right Leg wrote:
Ninnies like these are usually full of hate in their hearts.

That's putting it mildly...if we were to psychoanalyze this woman, I'll bet even money we'd find out that she's got anger management issues and interpersonal relationship problems the size of the Grand Canyon.
....

...no...

....nooooooo....

...must...restrain......self....
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Mon May 07, 2012 7:05 pm

So she responded today! And was surprisingly civil. Like apologized for being an asshat in her last PM and thanked me for the crit (what little there was--"hey, your OC's a massive Mary Sue" and "hey, the canon characters are wildly OOC") and everything. I admit, I'm disappointed; I was hoping for some quotable fanbrat rage.

The "good" news, however, is that she apparently has no interest in taking crit to heart, and even considers writing characters OOC to be "sort of [her] specialty," so I doubt the (oh-so sporkable) badfic will be ceasing anytime soon.
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PostSubject: Re: Red Dragon - Another TNG Sue Spectacular   Tue May 08, 2012 1:39 pm

Of anything that could've made me mad about this Sue, it's the goddamn green eyes. Why are sue eyes always fracking GREEN!? it's either that or Red, or Violet, something that seems oh-so exotic. If it is indeed a trollfic author, they've done well to dislodge my contentment with all the other Sue characteristics. I done seen some horrible things, but the eyes always haunt my dreams.
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