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 A Tekken Story

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WD40
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Join date : 2010-02-15
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PostSubject: A Tekken Story   Wed Feb 15, 2012 8:52 am

Holy fuck it’s a post on WGW about a Fanfic!

Yeah... I’ve been on a bit of a depressive downswing recently and have been passing the time playing Tekken – because I wanted to hate myself and my life... more?

Whatever, I decided to break out and do some snarking, that usually cheers me up and gives me something to do in my free time so off to the Tekken section I went.

It’s hard to find a Tekken fanfic that is even more batshit loony than the canon Tekken storyline, so stumbling over this was quite an achievement.

Presenting: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote :
Devils can be driven out of the heart by the touch of a hand on a hand, or a mouth on a mouth

Tennessee Williams

*dons anti-angst flak jacket*

Quote :
Chihiro Fujiwara and Naoya Oshimaki met in high school, in Korean speaking lesson,

We go school. Take Korean speaking lesson.

This part of the fic is the “Prologue”, it is there to provide a backstory and setup for this fic’s OC. It doesn’t give us any real sense of where or when it occurs though. Why are two characters with Japanese names taking “Korean speaking” lessons? Are they in Korea? And why is their family so backward that when Chihiro falls pregnant out of wedlock this happens:

Quote :
so they were abandoned by both their families.

And what sort of circumstances are the young couple in that their only two available decisions regarding the pregnancy are abortion or adoption?

Quote :
Chihiro, being such a peaceful person, could not bring herself to abort their child, so they agreed to go through the pregnancy and then give the child up for adoption.

Are they desperately poor? Can they just not bear to raise a child themselves? Why can’t they keep it?

Quote :
But there was one problem. Chihiro was having twins.

And why is this a problem if the kids are going straight to a fosterhome?

But then the confusion leaps from “not enough info” straight to “What the shit?” levels of confusion.

Quote :
It was hard on Chihiro for the next few years, but Naoya worked hard at his job as a paper pusher at a telephone company. But then, Naoya was held
captive and left Chihiro to fend for herself for weeks until Naoya took down his capturers and fled back to Chihiro.

Who kidnapped Naoya? Why? How did he escape?

And do you know what... We never find out the reason or story behind this. Not in the Prologue anyway. I have no idea why this even happens!

Quote :
Once Naoya got back, he quit his job, and became a master of many fighting styles, and he eventually made up his own fighting style. He opened his
own dōjō and taught many fighting styles while Chihiro got the job of being a secretary at a computer business.

If he’s funding himself through some crappy dead-end admin job, how can he afford to just quit, learn martial arts and invent his own style? Where did the
funding for the Dojo come from? Why did these people need Korean Speaking Lessons? Is that ever going to be brought up? Where are they?

Quote :
Chihiro and Naoya got married, at the age of twenty-two, and soon Chihiro wanted to start a family.

And all that happened before they were 22!?!? What is going on?

Quote :
But Chihiro just couldn't fall pregnant.

They tried everything, special treatments, cutting bad habits, living healthier lifestyles, but no matter what they did, Chihiro couldn't fall pregnant.

Until sixteen years later, Chihiro fell miraculously pregnant for the second time.

What was the point of that little interlude?

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Chihiro gave birth to a healthy girl, Akira

Is Akira even a unisex name?

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When Akira turned five, Chihiro fell pregnant again and gave birth to another girl, Hana.

And why the sudden English name?

Anyway, the two sisters learn daddy’s martial arts skills and then...

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Chihiro and Naoya were forever arguing, often about money or their children. Akira soon had enough and ran away from home, only to return the next
morning with a huge bruise on her face and crazy story about how she met a boy in the forest, called Jin Kazama, and how they found that most of the forest
had been burned down by a monster called Ogre and Akira tried to defeat the monster was easily knocked unconscious. She woke up a few hours later to find
that both Jin and Jun had vanished.

Why doesn’t Jun get introduced into the story?

That is the beginning to Tekken 3, by the way, which localises the story to Yakushima, Japan at least, but still –

What the fuck is happening?

Quote :
Neither of her parents believed her.


Surprise, sur-fucking-prise!

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Akira searched for days on end for Jin and Jun, but never found any evidence were they had gone, until Jin started at the same high school Akira and
Hana did.

That’s Mishima High School then. Which is almost certainly in Tokyo, although it is never explicitly stated where it is – it is certainly nowhere near where Jin
grew up! So, did the family move? Are Akira and Hana commuting?

Quote :
Naoya was given a chance to go to England to teach boxing to a few students. Naoya thought it was for the best, seeing how much he and Chihiro had
argued, but both his daughters protested.

He went away.

Not long after Akira's sixteenth birthday, Naoya's dōjō was attacked and he beaten into a coma.

I might be wrong, but if he’s teaching boxing then I believe it’s a gym, not a Dojo. (And who bets that Steve Fox will turn up later having been trained by
Chihiro)

Chihiro dies and Naoya flies into a fit of melodrama during which she pops out another kid, a boy they call Takuya.

Quote :
Akira then devoted her life to becoming a detective to investigate what truly happened to her father. She worked alongside a known fighter and
detective, Lei Wulong, but they never came to a clear conclusion.

Which means she, apparently, moved to Hong-Kong and got a job at fucking Interpol (With what qualifications, exactly?) Also: she’s supposedly between 16 and 18 at this point.

And believe it or not – it gets even more insane!

Quote :
When Akira was twenty-one, she came across some information about one of the fighters which competed in the worldwide famous tournament, The
King of Iron Fist Tournament, Kazuya Mishima, who worked for G Corporation. She confronted him about this information, and in return for her to keep quiet about it, Kazuya offered to aid her in her investigation of her father's death, which she gladly accepted.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY WALK INTO G-CORP!

Seriously, the organisation is involved in a corporate rivalry with the Mishima Zaibatsu so severe that actual open warfare between the two company’s private armies takes place in the streets!

Quote :
One day, before The King of Iron Fist Tournament 4 was announced, Heihachi Mishima, Kazuya Mishima's father, sent his Tekken Force to raid G Corporation for their research and data.

And that makes it even more insane! Before this actual raid, which prompted the creation of Tekken 4, Heihachi, and the rest of the world, were convinced that Kazuya was dead!

The raid was organised because Heihachi found out that G-Corp had recovered Kazuya’s body (after Heihachi DROPPED IT IN A FUCKING VOLCANO!) He was expecting to find a test tube with some burnt scraps in it. Instead his team was wiped out by cyborg-zombie-devil-Kazuya. HOW DID AKIRA GET AN AUDIENCE WITH HIM? AND WHAT FOR? One again, this story arc - the "information" on Kazuya, is never explained nor does Kazuya's aid in figuring out who attacked her dad ever followed up on!

Anyway, in the ensuing fight, Akira was apparently knocked unconscious and left for dead in the ruins of that G-Corp base.

Quote :
[...] until another company found her, called the GAM Lab Company.

The Genetics and Mutation Lab Company.

I...

...

Fuck it.

Quote :
There, the scientists researched and used Akira for experiments for year until they set her free back to the outside world.

WHY?

Fuck! Even the Umbrella Corporation keeps tabs on the shit it lets loose!

Quote :
Akira awoke, finding herself with a tainted memory and abandoned once again.

... wow... amnesia... what a thrilling and unexpected twist...

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She began training again in her father's fighting style, Oshimaki Style Traditional Martial Arts,

How and where?

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the hunger for revenge on G Corporation and the GAM Lab Company

The amnesia didn’t last all that long then.

Quote :
She then moved out to Brazil, where she met Christie Monteiro, a master in Capoeria, and trained along side her.

Christie is in no way a master, she’s a student. And although she and Eddie are from Brazil, it’s pretty heavily implied that neither live there anymore. Hell, Eddy at this point is Jin's personal bodyguard - meaning he lives in Japan.

Quote :
Akira became a detective again,

How? With who? Is she back with fucking Interpol? Are they in the habit of recruiting supposedly dead genetic experiments with
memory loss?

Quote :
investigating the mystery behind the GAM Lab Company and why they had taken her. She learned that they had funded many experiments on people, and she discovered that she was one of them. She was subject number eighteen; her human cells had been mixed with cat cells,
making her a human animal hybrid.

KAWAII NEKO DESU!

*headdesk*

Quote :
During that time, The King of Iron Fist Tournament 6 was announced. Akira watched Jin and her friends from the sidelines until the tournament ended,
with Lars Alexandersson defeating Azazel.

WAT?

Did she happen to notice that during that whole fight that it was Jin’s plan to rule the entire fucking planet? Did that not sway her opinion of him at all?

Anyway – Lars wind (apparently) Jin disappears, the Mishima Zaibatsu gets taken over by someone else and Akira gets a phone call from Eddie Fucking Gordo.

Quote :
stating that Christie had been missing for weeks. She abandoned her work to join Eddy in a search for Christie.

They quickly find Christie and...

Quote :
That's when The King of Iron Fist Tournament 7 was announced.

Now that Akira had rounded up some fighters and became a deadly force, she enters the tournament for revenge, for reuniting, for the mystery around her past.

For war.

And that’s just the opening chapter. That’s the fucking prologue.

Geez, I had an easier time accepting Gon into the series!



Well. Tune in next time when we look at Chapter 2.

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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: A Tekken Story   Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:32 am

I am mostly loling over here at the use of the term "fell pregnant."
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PostSubject: Re: A Tekken Story   Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:57 pm

WD40 wrote:
Holy fuck it’s a post on WGW about a Fanfic!

Yeah... I’ve been on a bit of a depressive downswing recently and have been passing the time playing Tekken


[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

edit: I read most of that like a police blotter and it sounded just fine
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: A Tekken Story   Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:16 pm

Welcome back to chapter 2 of “A Tekken Story”, and I’ve got a confession to make.

I snark fanfics pretty much as I read them, and when I settled on this one, I didn’t look further than chapter 1 (Aside from making sure that it wasn’t more of the same as the ‘Prologue’) Now I’ve read it properly and... well... that Prologue... It’s not a prologue.

It’s a synopsis.

Of the entire fic.

Yeah... Well, not the entire fic – Chapter 1 picks up when Akira meets Jin for the first time – but you see what I mean.

Still. Theres plenty of crazy to go through, and who knows? Perhaps it might end up making some sense.

But I really doubt that.

Quote :
Running away will never make you free

Kenny Loggins

*double-checks anti-angst flak jacket* I get a feeling I’m really gonna need this thing this time.

Quote :
I woke up at 5:00 a.m. that morning, like I always do to train with Dad. It's always wake up at 5:00 a.m., warm up for ten minutes, spar for half-an-hour, and then meditate for quarter-of-an-hour before I get ready for school.

This is our heroine, Akira, which, as it turns out [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]. Learn something every day.
According to Akira, she has just moved to Tokyo from Osaka.

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I'm currently fourteen years old, 5'8" and 129 lbs. Somehow; I don't think that's going to change anytime soon.

[...]

My name, Akira, means "bright", "intelligent" or "clear". Mom says I do live up to my name, because I'm more like her, but Dad likes to joke around and says it's him. I secretly agree with Mom, even though I don't tell him that. Whatever. I'm not quite sure what my surname means though.

Akira kinda lives in the sort of paradise world that Tenchi Muyo is set in, complete with Eutopia!Tokyo.

After her morning sparring session with her dad (which she wins, natch) she has a quick shower, which gives us our descriptive paragraph.

Quote :
I got out a few minutes later and wrapped a towel around me. The mirror was fogged up from the steam of my hot shower so I wiped it and stared at my reflection.

Luckily, I look more like my mom than my dad. A lot of people say I kinda look like Keiko Kitagawa or Kyoko Fukada, with the whole dark brown eyes, the shade of light suntanned skin, with rich long brown hair thing.

I don’t know where the author got the whole ‘suntanned skin’ thing... [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] these [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] are constantly pictured with that hyper-white-saturation effect thing that makes people look like they have all the facial features of a dinner plate.

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But, I do have my dad's shade of skin colour, a smooth peachy shade. I have long eyelashes which fan out from my huge eyes and a heart-shaped face. I have a toned body, probably because I train a lot and because I dance a lot. I love to dance and make up routines.
I quickly ran a brush through my tangled hair and let it dry before I applied make-up and put on my school uniform, complete with matching gloves and sneakers.

Ugh... I can almost hear the anime-series ‘happy-happy-joy-joy’ background music.

Here. Read the next part with [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] in the background

Quote :
I slid down the banister and skipped into the kitchen, where I greeted by my mom.

"Morning Hana," I greeted my sister when I passed the living room as she sat infront of the TV, watching it animatedly and occasionally swallowing some of her breakfast.

I didn't expect a reply, which I didn't get.

"Morning Akira-chan," Mom greeted me as soon as I entered the kitchen.

"Good morning Mom,"

At least I got one 'good morning' this morning.

"Did your training go well this morning, dear?"

I nodded enthusiastically," Good. It's now the fifth time in a row I've beaten Dad,"

"That's very good,"

"Thanks,"

[...]

"Good morning,"

I just waved at Dad, my mouth full of half-chewed rice.

BUT! Thing’s arn’t as happy-go-roseblossom as we might think. There’s an ANGST monster hiding in the shadows. As Akira gets ready for school, she overhears mommy and daddy having a kerfuffle.

Quote :
"I can't believe you! You're still getting her up so early in the morning so you two can spar together! Can't you see how tired she's getting?"
That was Mom. She was still angry with Dad for me and him training early in the morning.

Thanks for explaining that to us, author. :/

Quote :
"Akira loves to train with me! She wants to learn the fighting style! There's nothing wrong with that!"

"Her grades will start to slip! All she'll care about is picking fights, not getting a good education!"

Mom is a reactionary nutter. There is no evidence for this, and Akira has been training in this manner for several months.

Quote :
"She wants to be martial artist, just like her dad! There's nothing wrong with that!"

"It is when you're not bringing money in!"

Yeah. From this we’re, I guess, supposed to infer that Dad has no students. And Mom is taking out her pent up money worries by projecting anger over assumed future failure of her daughter on the acts of her, apparently, do-nothing dad.

Well, this, apparently, singular explosion of pent-up stress-anger is enough to send Akira into and tear-soaked run into the nearby, erm, forest. – Remember: Eutopia!Tokyo.

Quote :
My legs began to ache, but I carried on running, my head pounding and my heart rate increasing while my breath became laboured, their argument pulsation with the beat of my heart.

"I can't believe you! You're still getting her up so early in the morning so you two can spar together! Can't you see how tired she's getting?"

"She wants to be martial artist, just like her dad! There's nothing wrong with that!"

"It is when you're not bringing money in!"


I wanted to run away as fast and as far as I could, away from the arguments, away from the awkwardness, away from the two parents who suppose to love eachother so much but chose to fight over such stupid things.

Oh, grow a backbone! Parents fight over stupid shit. Get over it. At least they don’t come storming into your room in the middle of the night following a row, so pent up with impotent rage all they can do is take it out on your toys, deliberately blaming and punishing you, their child, as the cause of their financial difficulties.

...

Huh... Where did that come from..?


Anyway.

Quote :
Because suddenly my body went limp and everything went black.

DRAMA FAINT!

Well, [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] to be specific.
TV Tropes wrote:
An affliction which seems to strike a very high proportion of Japanese shoujo heroines, causing them to black out at inopportune times and thus, give their love interests a convenient excuse to hold them and act all manly and protective.

So.. right on cue:

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"Oh, you finally woke up,"

I jumped at the sound of the voice, raising onto my feet and balling my hands into fists, prepared to defend myself if violence broke out. I looked to the source of the voice and gasped in shock.

A boy, a teenage boy, was standing by the lake, a piece of damp cloth in his hands. His hair was onyx black and spiked in an unusual fashion, spiked at the back with long bangs covering his eyes. He was well toned, obvious to the fact that he must work out or something, his skin a nice tanned colour. He had deep, dark brown eyes, a beautiful shade of rich chocolate.

It’s Jin everybody!

Spoiler:
 

Quote :
"Perhaps we should start with why you were in the forest in the first place?" was all he said.

I opened my mouth to say something else but my knees abruptly buckled and I expected to land on the ground with a thump but a hand wound around my waist and another held my back, saving me from injuring myself further.

"Whoa, you should learn to be more careful,"

I looked up to see an angelic face looking down on mine, strong arms holding me on his lap.

You ladies can be excused for a moment if you need.

When you’re ready to rejoin us, you’ll find Akira trying to interrogate her hunky, angelic, pointy-haired saviour.

Quote :
"Why were you out here in the first place?"

"Why were you out here in the first place?" I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest.

The boy chuckled. That really ticked me off.

"What's so funny?"

"You wouldn't believe my real answer,"

"Try me,"

"I live here,"

I definitely wasn't expecting that.

Neither was I.

According to the prologue (and reading ahead a little just ot be sure), this happens before Jin & Jun are attacked by Ogre.

Here’s the thing: Jun raised Jin in [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] Which is preet-ty far from Tokyo.

It’s nerd knowledge, I know, but hay – at the time of the game’s release I was super psyched, and checked the game’s website DAILY using my college’s computers. Which, at the time, (give-or-take 1997-8 ) were the only way I, or most people near me, had access to the internet. So the whole thing is pretty deeply implanted.

Also you can look up the game’s blurb on [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

After more anime-inspired awkward first-meeting-of-true-love-back-and-forth the two finally introduce each other and decide to meet up again later...

And then this happens:

Quote :
He unexpectedly became to walk towards me; his cheeks still stained a crimson shade, only much deeper before.

What is he doing?

I felt my arm tingle as his fingertips brushed against my elbow and up my arm, until they rested back to my forearm. His other hand swept across my forehead, swaying my fringe, and cupped my cheek, caressing my skin with his thumb, leaving a circle of goose bumps. My heart started to beat faster and my breathing hitched in my throat as his eyes flickered up and down before meeting mine and he drew closer. I could feel his breath ghosting across my lips as he got nearer and nearer to putting his mouth on mine and I felt my legs turn into jelly.

o.o

Well...

That’s... Erm... Sudden.

Quote :
He's a compete stranger and I'm letting him kiss me. Well, he is a rather cute stranger…no! I have Ryo-kun! God, I'm so-
(Ryo-kun is a friend of hers from school)

Well, I’ll just put this near-sexual assault-romance in the “Twilight Romanticism” box and just move on to the next bit.

Quote :
My thought and Jin's action were cut off as we heard a terrifying roar shudder through the air.

"What was that?"

[...]

I turned my ears sharply to where the sound came from and gasped in shock.

Fire. The forest had caught fire.

Jin pulls Akira through the forest fire to find...

Quote :
I gasped as my eyes lay on the small thatched hut infront of me. It had stacks of dark logs to form the frame of a small cabin. It had a door and few windows. I took a wild guess and thought it was Jin's home that he had briefly mentioned.

"Wait here," He told me and went inside, without telling me what he was going to do.

[...]

He came back out a few minutes later, his face pulled into a slightly worried expression.

I frowned as he walked towards me, almost dragging his feet behind him," What's the matter?"

"My mother…she's not here,”

I lightly touched his arm,[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Spoiler:
 

Quote :
We run further and further into the forest until the fire was in the wake of where our footprints had scarred the disturbed soil.

That's when I saw it.

Toshin.

*Arsenal.*




It’s Ogre, sweetie. Although it is written as toshin (literally Fight/War God), he is called Ogre even in Japan.

Quote :
It was chasing after us at high speed, its long straw ponytail trailing and swaying as it did, its dirty emerald skin blurring together, its ancient warrior-like clothing and ornaments clanking heavily against its skin. But it's eyes; they were the thing that scared me the most. They were illuminatingly red, almost crimson.

Blood red.

They didn't shimmer or sparkle of humanity, only to be outlined in a thick black line.

[...]

"I've been hunting for you, Oshimaki,"

The same shivers ran through my spine again as I turned in every direction, trying to catch even the slightest glimpse of something so I knew I wasn't going crazy.

"I'm hungry for more,"

I tried to shout out, tried to make myself heard, try to demand who or what was there, but my mouth trembled and my voice came out as a gasp.

"This time, I shall absorb the spirit of Oshimaki,"

Ogre only goes after the greatest fighters on the planet. Why should I believe you are even capable of attracting his attention? Hell, he’s only interested in Jin because of the Devil Gene in him, and Jun because of her ability to suppress it. Jin is a pretty average fighter at this point.

Quote :
I darted forward, trying to get ahead of Toshin, but my feet got caught up in a bundle of raised roots and I tripped and fell to the ground.

"Akira, look out!"

I lifted my head and looked up. Toshin was now only a few paces from me.

This is it, the end of the line.

"Watanabe!"

Okay, can anyone who speaks fanapanese translate this? I googled it and all I got back was a sirname. I think it’s being used as a curse here, but I’m not sure.

Akira begins to accept her fate and...

Quote :
fist connect with a jaw, echoing a loud crack followed by a dull thud and the ground shaking slightly.

No way! It's not possible Jin took on that monster, is it…?

I slowly opened my eyes and lowered my arm back to my side. I expected to see the tall and mysterious Jin Kazama with his fist screwed up in tight balls and standing steady, prepared to attack once again while looking down a wounded Toshin. But what I saw was a woman, her back to me, her hands turned to the side, her palms facing eachother, her left leg bent forward.

That stance, I know it from somewhere…

"Mom!"

Jin's mother…

I have no problem with this. I have a problem with Ogre giving a shit about Akira, but with Jun jumping in to beat up on Ogre... Nope. Please continue!

Quote :
"Run, both of you!"

I sat up and Jin quickly ran to my side, his hand gently clasping my forearm, but his eyes were on the raven-haired women.

"But Mother!"

"Jin, take her and run! You know what to do!"

Also correct. Jun was aware of Ogre’s approach for several days beforehand, and instructed Jin to run to Heihachi, his grandad, should anything happen to her.

Jin takes Akira to a shrine.

Quote :
I wrapped my hand around Jin's to make sure it was secure and that this time neither of us could let go. I was a little faster with my running; I was almost running beside him and adrenaline coursing through my veins and my breathing regular. I suddenly smirked.

I was so ready to take on this monster if need be.

However, by the time they get there Ogre is finished with Jun and starts to beat his way through the shrines wall.

Quote :
"Akira, go home! This is too dangerous for you!"

I didn't realise until I felt my clasped hands shake how angry I was. I stood hard on my ankles, my heels buried furiously in the ground but my expression softened. I sighed and bent my head forward, my hair dangling down to hide my expression.

He's right; I'm just a helpless girl getting in the way…

...

Quote :
My nails bit deep into my skin then because I furious with myself.

You idiot! You're not helpless! You're the daughter of Oshimaki Naoya, a martial artist! You're trained in Oshimaki Style Traditional Martial Arts! You can fight this thing off!

Make up your mind!

She dives in to attack, but Ogre pimp-slaps her across the room.

Quote :
It's free arm swept across and caught me on my face, causing me to go crashing into the wall. I landed on the floor, rubble and dust coating me as I lay there, unconscious.

My eyes fluttered open and I immediately shot up, pushing the rubble off my body.

What the hell?

I pressed a hand on my right temple and groaned. Images of Jin, his mother and Toshin flashed in my mind.

I remember…

"My name's Kazama Jin. It's nice to meet you. And you are?"

"Thank-you for looking after me. You didn't have to,"

"Do you think…that maybe…we'd see eachother again?"

"Of course,"

" I-I'd like that,"

"What's the matter?"

"My mother…she's not here,"

"Don't worry; I'm sure she's safe. C'mon, we'll go look for her,"

"I've been hunting for you, Oshimaki,"

"This time, I shall absorb the spirit of Oshimaki,"

"There is no use in running, you inconsequential girl! You cannot escape from me!"

"Akira, look out!"

"Mom!"

"Jin, take her and run! You know what to do!"

"Once I get her in a safe place, I will come back for you,"

"Akira, listen to me. I need you to run, get far away from here, go back home,"

"No way! I can't just leave you and your mother to face this thing yourselves!"

"Akira, go home! This is too dangerous for you!"

"Heh, I don't give up without a fight!"

"Akira, don't!"

:/


Once shes finished with the post-break recap she realises that the shrine is totalled. She stagers around calling Jin’s name but finds nothing.

By now it’s night, and Akira finally stumbles over the ruins of Jin’s house.

Quote :
I fell to my knees, my hands quickly scrambling through the heap of wood, desperately crying out Jin's name. I pushed and pulled logs out of the way, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jin again, to see that he was OK, alive, well.

The sky cracked and let a low rumble followed by a flash. I looked up to see the clouds gathering together, preparing for a storm. I rummaged faster through the pile of logs, sobs choking up my throat as the heavens above opened and let the rain pour down freely. I cut up my forearms and hands but I ignored it, not caring about anything but to see Jin and his mother safe.

This goes on for fucking ages

Finally her parents appear.

Quote :
I collapse into more tears as I saw their faces and run to them. Dad clutched me tightly and pushed me to his shoulder as he kissed the top of my head.

"You stupid girl!" he said as he pulled me at arms length," We were worried sick about you! We thought you'd gone straight to school but when Ryo phoned, we thought the worst!"

[...]

I swallowed thickly, trying to stop the sobs before I spoke. I cling tightly onto Dad's arm," Dad, listen to me. I heard you and Mom arguing about me this morning so I ran, hoping to get away from it but I fainted and this boy, Kazama Jin, found me and this…monster jumped out from the woods while it was on fire and it chased us and-and then Jin's mom held it off for us but it still came after us so I thought I could take it but I-but I couldn't and I was unconscious again and when I woke Jin and his mother wasn't there, and I-"

Explanations are made:

Quote :
"Wait, a monster attacked you?"

"Yes! It probably caused the forest fire too!"

Dad shook his head again," No. The police found some teenage kids smoking by the forest and when they ditched their cigarettes, they hadn't put them out probably so the forest caught fire,"



Spoiler:
 

So no one believes Akira’s story of an 8-foot tall green Aztec(ish) war-god, and eventually drag her home. There the conversation gets picked up again:

Quote :
"Listen Akira, your Dad told me everything you said-"

"Then you have to believe me!"

Mom and Dad glanced at eachother and Mom sighed before turning back to me," Aki, the police did find two teenage boys smoking-,"

"That's bullshit, and you know it!"

"Watch your language!" Dad warned me, his frown growing increasingly angry.

Mom simply stared at the floor and clicked her tongue against her teeth before looking back up at me, her eyebrows creased with concern as she lightly touched my hand," Me and your father have been going through a rough patch and sometimes it affects the children too-,"

That leads directly on to...

Quote :
"Are you going to get a divorce?" I crossed my arms over my chest and handed the thermometer back to Mom.

Mom sighed again," That's something we also need to talk about,"

No. No, no, no, NO! You can't do this to me!

Mom and Dad glanced at eachother again before Dad cleared his throat and spoke," I got a job offer,"

Akira’s dad is off to London to teach boxing.

Quote :
I gnashed my teeth together and frowned angrily at him," You accepted the job offer?"

Silence.

"Without consulting me?"

Fidgeting and silence.

Erm... Why does your dad need your fucking permission to take a job offer you self-important little shrimp?

Anyway – She scowls her way to bed and...

Quote :
That was the first night I ever dreamed about Jin Kazama.

Schlick

Well, that’s chapter 1. I’ll be honest, it’s not as bad as I thought so far. It’s a pretty typical girly crush-fic, I guess... But I’ve started so I’ll finish.


What do you think?

Tune in next time for chapter 2.
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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: A Tekken Story   Fri Feb 17, 2012 1:08 pm

Ah, well, I suppose the first 'chapter' was completely unnessisary, but at least this person's writing style is not actually as baffeling as previously indicated.
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Knorg
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PostSubject: Re: A Tekken Story   Sun Feb 19, 2012 9:18 am

If I'd tried to review this story the author would've turned up and said I was tekken the piss.

Knorg,
has been waiting ten years to use that appallingly unfunny pun.
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: A Tekken Story   Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:31 pm

Quote :
Can miles truly separate us from friends? If we want to be with someone we love, aren't we already there?
Richard Bach

Here we go again. We open with Akira’s wet dream.

Quote :
The voice called me again, a familiar voice…

[...]

I turned to the direction the voice came from and saw Jin looking at me, unharmed, smiling and happy.

"Jin!"

My mouth grew into a mile-wide smile and ran at him, my arms stretched out broadly.

As I closer and closer to Jin, I noticed a shadow looming over that slowly got closer and closer too, but he didn't seem to notice.

A bad feeling swirled in my body and then shivers ran up my spine when I saw what the shadow was.
Toshin!

*Arsenal.*




It’s still Ogre.

Quote :
His chocolate-brown eyes were wide but were still, sweat slipped down his forehead and rolled down his cheeks, dripping off his face.

[...]

He stood normally, though his legs were shaking with effort, but Ogre hands had smashed through Jin's torso, straight through so I saw its clenched fist on the other side. Blood flowed freely from his wound, sliding down his torso and staining his legs and pooled on the floor under his feet. Blood trickled from his mouth and down his chin.

"Aki…Akira…Aki…ra,"

AWESOME! *pleaseletthisnotbeadream pleaseletthisnotbeadream pleaseletthisnotbeadream*

Quote :
Ogre slid his arm out of Jin and watched him collapse on the floor. Blood continued to lap from his body to cover him with a puddle of his own blood.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Quote :
But then I woke up, sat up straight, soaked with a thin sheet of sweat, panting and clutching my chest as if Toshin had wounded me too. My face crumpled and I let the tears flood freely, hugging myself tightly.

Gawdammit.

Quote :
I had that dream every night for six months.

I’ve had it every day since Tekken 4.

Quote :
I returned to school the week after, my black eye still remaining. Of course Sakura and Ryo were worried about me, but I never uttered a word about what happened, even when rumours went around school saying that my parents secretly beat me or that I was a bad, complicated teenager.

Self-pitying, self-important, angsty... There’s very little complicated about you, Akira.

She had a whine over how her dad left to his job in London, and about a year passes, this is a major plothole. We entered this fic at the start of Tekken 3 - with Ogre attacking Jun. Tekken 3 did not last a year.

You see, Jin only attended Mishima High, in which we spend this entire chapter, during Tekken3, while he was under Heihachi’s protection. Following Tekken 3, Jin’s ‘Devil Gene’ awakens and he spends the next two years walking the earth, deliberately forgetting both Mishima-style Karate and the Kazama-Ryu style of his mom, and learning all new skills. During this time Heihachi dedicates and entire freaking battalion of Tekken Force (his private army) to tracking him down.
This time scale breaks Tekken canon.

We rejoin the day she starts at Mishima Highschool.

Akira lives in Shinjuku by the way.

Quote :
Almost after nearly a year of living here, I was starting my first day of high school. It was hard saying goodbye to all the teachers I liked, even though I'd only started a few months before at Shinjuku Middle School.

I had passed my entrance exams and was starting at Mishima High School, a new high school to Shinjuku.

That where I live: Shinjuku. It's a massive city in Tōkyō, with massive skyscraper buildings and busy economies developing. It's a great city to start a business.

This isn’t the first time this author has rammed stuff down our throats, apparently terrified that we can’t figure them out for ourselves.

We now get some clothes-porn:

Quote :
I stood infront of my full-length mirror, dressed in my new school uniform, clutching my new duffle bag.

[...]

I was wearing a short sleeved white and dark blue shirt with a matching bow tied at the front with the school insignia on her left shoulder, a blue and orange checkered skirt, long white ankle socks and brown lace-ups with a black duffle bag.

Not something I would usually go for. I mean, blue, green and orange don't go together, do they?

I have no idea where the author has gotten this idea from.

This is the girls School uniform for Mishima High:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :
Still, when I asked Mom to shorten my shirt, which had come down to about my ankles, she used the leftover material to modify my school uniform with matching gloves and I traded my shoes for blue and orange checkered Conserve trainers. I'm sure the teachers won't mind me taking matters into my own hands.

Because uniforms are introduced in order to encourage individuality and this is especially the case in Japan!

Everyone fusses over the oh-so grown up Akira which gives us access to some proper stilted dialogue:

Quote :
[Mom:]"That's scary! She hits sixteen in December!"

"I remember when I was sixteen…,"

"Of course you do! That's when you met and fell in love with Mom!"

Both my parents laughed at me," That's right, that's right!" Mom said, waving her hand at me,"

Who talks like that?

Finally she walks to school, and in a daring contravention to Anime norms, she isn’t running late with a slice of toast crammed in her gob.

Quote :
I looked up at one of the most tallest and widest school buildings in my life simply seated in the middle of the courtyard.

This sentence presented without comment.

And then she sees... [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote :
His hair was onyx black and spiked in an unusual fashion, spiked at the back with long bangs covering his eyes. He was well toned, obvious to the fact that he must work out or something, his skin a nice tanned colour. He had deep, dark brown eyes, a beautiful shade of rich chocolate.

She runs over, calling his name, getting more and more flustered as she goes...

Quote :
The spiky tears slipped from eyes and oozed down my cheeks, staining my face like always as I ran towards him.

This sentence presented with an: “Eeeuuggghhhh!”

Quote :

"Jin!"

"Akira!"

I hugged him so tightly when I reached him, hoping I wasn't dreaming or imagining this like before. The cotton of his jumper felt soft under the palms of my hands and I breathed in his Earthy-rich scent. This was no dream. I buried my head into his shoulder and cried harder. Jin hushed me and gently rubbed my back.

...

Quote :
Funny, looking back to when I found him again, that before I somehow always felt that Jin was still alive and well. I never stopped believing, despite no-one believing in me.

...

Finally, after the gushing...

Quote :
I'm really glad you're OK,"

"Me too. I searched for you everywhere, but…,"

“But, apparently, I’m really shit at it...”

Seriously, Akira’s house was in walking distance of his own, and there can’t be many homes around the woods with an on-site freaking Dojo.

Anyway the conversation shifts, awkwardly, thus as the two head into the school.

Quote :
I looked at Jin who was walking almost aimlessly but he seemed to know where he was going.

"Do you need to go to the Principle?"

He lifted his head though I was sure his eyes were still closed," There's no need," he replied in a cold voice.
This dialogue just bugs me. Where did that question come from? Why would she ask that when Jin isn’t heading to the Head’s office, and even if he was Akira wouldn’t know it because she doesn’t know where the hell she is.

Eeeh... I dunno. Sometimes little things just get under my skin.

Of course, the purpose of this dialogue is the big reveal to Akira that Jin’s Grandad is the school Principle.

Quote :
"You have to be joking! You're the grandson of Mishima Heihachi?"

Also I hate when fanbrats use the Japanese name order in an English fic. Alongside lashing of “-chan”’s and “onee-san/sama”’s.

Quote :
Jin simply grunted at me and maintained his silent knowing walking. I was starting to annoy myself too, I sounded like an irritating and aggravating child,

This is what alcoholics refer to as “A moment of clarity”.

They enter the classroom.

Quote :
"Ah, there are our two missing students!" Ms. Kimura smiled at us as we entered the classroom," It's nice to meet you, Ms. Oshimaki and Mr. Kazama,"
I hate it when teachers refer you to Ms and Mr;

And I’m confused over the use of Ms. They’re 15, surely it should be Miss?

Yeah, yeah it's another of those things that gets under WD40’s skin.

Quote :
She smiled back at me. She looked nice with her light brown hair scarped up in a massy bun, black-framed glasses hitched on her small nose, very light brown eyes. Her face looked young but her clothes made her middle-aged looking. She wore a frumpy midnight-blue dress, making her look slightly fat, that hid her feet.

This author tries really really hard to make descriptive, memorable passages, but it just keeps coming off wrong.

Still, at least this demonstrates that this author has read a book, unlike some other fanfic writers I can name. She’s just trying too hard, I guess.

She takes a seat next to her best friend...

Quote :
She comes from a rich family, her father Tokimune, is a ship builder and her mother, Shizuka, is a famous model. That's the only bad thing about Sakura: she's spoilt at home so she expects the same treatment from everyone else and when she doesn't; her spiteful mouth comes out with all sorts of hurtful taunts and sarcasm. Still, she's a good laugh and we have fun.

Why are you friends, exactly? Seriously when the majority of your paragraph is devoted to telling us how horrid she is, we’ll need more than “She makes me laugh” as a reason for your friendship.

They talk about their clothes.

Quote :
She starts tugging at her skirt and leans over to me," I hate this school uniform, don't you?"

"Don't exactly something I'd wear everyday,"

O.o

Then they talk about boys.

Quote :
She looked behind her, making sure the coast was clear and leaned closer to me so she was whispering in my ear," Ne, who's that boy you walked in with?"

"He's an fr…," I stopped myself before I said the wrong words. I frowned and angrily crossed my arms over my chest," He's a jerk,"

"How can he be a jerk when he's such a cutie,"

:/

Quote :
She smiled intentionally;"

As opposed to...?

Quote :
You're not cheating on Ryo, are you?"

"Of course not!"

Ryo is Akira’s boyfriend, apparently. He was mentioned in about three sentences in the previous chapter. He’s hella important.

Jin takes a seat right behind Akira, who continues to deliberately ignore him for the whole lesson. Class ends and he just follows them around...

Quote :
Luckily, Sakura was in my first class of the day, Art with Mrs. Maeda, so we stumbled around, totally clueless, weaving inbetween hastening students and late teachers, reading maps uselessly. Jin wandered behind us, though students didn't bump into him, he seem to have a way to make students clear a path for him.

I finally had enough and turned around," Why are you following us?"

Jin raised an eyebrow at me but wearily smiled again," Are you lost?"

He was taunting me for sure with that raised eyebrow and almost cocky-weary smile, one hand on his hip and the other clasping his books to his side.
"I don't need your help,"

Gollum wrote:
We loves Jin! We loves him so much!

We hates him! We hates him so much

Seriously, I just don’t get Akira’s sudden mood swing.

A bit I cut out was where Akira assumes that Jun survived the encounter with Ogre, forcing Jin to remember everything. After that he goes a bit cold and sullen. Expected, right? But then Akira just pays cold and sullen back with a little bit of bitch as interest.

Which Jin then explains:

Quote :
He seized my arm to pull me towards him and looked at me sorrowfully, "I'm sorry about earlier, it's just talking about Mother…," he stopped and dropped his graze to the floor, his jaw clenching again.

My foul mood seeped out and was replaced by understanding and misery," It's OK, and I understand too. It's hard to talk about dead loved ones,"

Smooth...

Quote :
He looked back up at me and smiled and kindly released his hold on my arm," So, friends again?"

I smiled and bumped my fist again his," Friends,"

Why would Jin want to be friends with this emotionally unstable girl?

Moving on. Ryo is here!

Quote :
He lifted me off my feet and squeezed me tighter, getting as close as he could get.

"I missed you so much, Akira-chan,"

"I missed you too!"

"Yeah, but I missed you more!"

"No way, I did!"

"No, I did!

"Lies!"

"It's the truth!"

"C'mon, let's not start that game again,"



Quote :
I nodded," I'm glad you had a good trip,"

"Honestly Akira," he said as he put his fingers through mine and lead me back towards Jin," If Dad thought I was good at baseball and football, you have seen the American league guys! They were so amazing!"

Wat?

Quote :
Ryo's a sports star, he was the captain of the Shinjuku Middle School's baseball and football team and he often plays soccer from time to time. Needless to say, I doubt he won't become the captains of baseball and football for this school too.

“I doubt he won’t”

I suppose that is... technically grammatically correct, I guess... But... UGH!

Quote :
The first day on high school flew by. I had some great classes and most my friends were my classes, so I was glad.

Okay, these typos are seriously getting on my wick now.

I was being lenient, pointing out only the most obvious and silly of them but I’m gonna have to point this out now – This fic is littered with stuff like this.

Quote :
I did wonder where Jin lived now, but Ryo was talking non-stop to him that I could get a word in edgeways.

Errgh...

Quote :
I suppose it's because he's hung out with girls most of his school days.

Those three are all in the same freaking paragraph!

Oh, and buy the way – Remember me wondering why Akira was friends with Sakura? Well we still don’t have an answer for that, but we do find out why Ryo is friends with her: Guilt.


Seriously.

Quote :
Ryo and Sakura have known eachother since Kindergarten, when Ryo accidently dropped his toy fire truck on Sakura's head. She howled for hours and hours and he felt so guilty that he became her friend.

Hehehe!

They walk home together and...

Quote :
We finally stopped at the corner of my street.

I sighed," This is me then,"

[...]

I peered at Jin and then at the street opposite," Which one's your house?"

Jin turned and pointed straight ahead," There,"

"There? You're not serious?"

Jin was pointing to the massive traditional Japanese white mansion enclosed by endless gardens and trees and a big wrought iron gate at the front, with a long row of steps leading to (I guess, because I couldn't see it) the main entrance to the house. There was a massive car park with many expensive and shiny cars laid side by side parked on the gravel and water features decorating the exterior. Despite it's surrounding open areas, the building itself didn't have many windows, which had blinds thrown across. Probably for privacy, I guess. It was at least three floors tall with levelled balconies, much taller than Sakura's home. She was going to be pissed about that.

Huh...

Quote :
Jin turned back to me and shook his head, smiling," No. My Grandfather's very rich. He owns his own company aswell as the high school,"

She goes back home and interrogates her dad about Heihachi.

Quote :
"Dad, does Mr. Mishima have any kids?"

Dad sat up on the couch and thought hard, rubbing his hand over his jaw," I believe he did have a son, but his wife died not long after he was born and he adopted another boy not too long afterwards,"

"What happened to his real son?"

Dad frowned at me as if I was stupid," Don't you remember? His son, Mishima Kazuya, stole the Zaibatsu from him when he won the first tournament,"

Which happened almost 20 years ago. And Kazuya didn’t ‘steal’ the company, he won it, in Tekken. The prize in Tekken has always been either a fuckton of money and/or ownership of the Zaibatsu.

As for what happened – as far as you know: He died, in Tekken 2.

Quote :
"Did Kazuya have any kids?"

Dad shrugged," I don't know. When he announced the second tournament, some say he was romantic linked to this WWWC officer, Kazama Jun, I think her name was, but…I don't know, Kazuya doesn't really seem like the type to get married or get romantically involved with a girl and have a child,"

I think it’s pretty much assumed that their relationship was pretty whirlwind, and very few, if any, people knew about it. I don’t think Heihachi even knew he was a granddad until Jin turned up on his doorstep.

Quote :
Kazama Jun?...Wait, Kazama…NO WAY!...Jun and Jin…Kazama…Jin is the son of Jun! That's why I recognized that stance before! She's a practiser of the Kazama Style Classic Martial Arts! That's how Jin's related to Heihachi! Jin's the son of Kazama Jun and Mishima Kazuya!

This is what it took for Akira to put that together? Aside from

1, Knowing Jin’s full name
2, Meeting his mom, and hearing her referred to as Jun.
3, Presumably, being able to recognise Kazama-Ryu – Having seen Jun use it in the previous chapter.
4, Hearing Jin refer to Heihachi as “Grandad”.

Gawd, this girl is an idiot.

Quote :
No way…Jin's the son of two fighters!

That line makes me giggle.

Quote :
The nightmare that haunted me for six months never returned to me after that day.

Well, that’s it for chapter 3 – We’ve got our first major plothole, the main character still has very little of a personality, we’re flooded by apparently superfluous characters, and the writing is getting a little threadbare.

What will happen in Chapter 4?

Stay tuned!
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Cunovendus
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PostSubject: Re: A Tekken Story   Fri Apr 13, 2012 10:48 am

OMG I just found this...this is hilarious!

Quote :
Once Naoya got back, he quit his job, and became a master of many fighting styles, and he eventually made up his own fighting style. He opened his
own dōjō and taught many fighting styles while Chihiro got the job of being a secretary at a computer business.

This is my favourite part. "He quit his job and became a master of many fighting styles..." right. Because you can do that in a matter of weeks, doncha know? Not only that but he's also qualified to teach them all? And he just made up his own? Just like that? And apparently he did all of this before he was 22? Um......no. Just no.

Quote :
Naoya was given a chance to go to England to teach boxing to a few students. Naoya thought it was for the best, seeing how much he and Chihiro had
argued, but both his daughters protested.

Because we don't have boxing instructors over here, we have to outsource to Japan - obviously boxing was one of the "many styles of fighting" that he spent what can't be more than a few years learning and is now qualified to teach. It's amazing what you can do when you can speak Korean!

I also like the way the author seems to be trying to tie this Akira's story in with that of every single character in the game! It is literally "And then she went to *insert country* to *insert random reason* and met *insert character*". Most of the Tekken characters don't know each other before the King of the Iron First Tournament, and the ones that do know maybe one or two others, not the entire fucking cast!!
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