45 chapters.
45 chapters of this. What is it, you ask? It's 45 chapters of ignoring the Enter key. I have seen some text-walls, but this is the wall to rule them all. Prepare for some eye-bleed, this is the text wall that is Gerudo's forest.
- Quote :
- She woke to the sound of shouting. A dull thudding sound was coming closer from somewhere in the
darkness of what she thought was her bed room. She couldn't quite make since of the noises she was
hearing.
Nor can the author make sense of double-checking her work.
- Quote :
- "Jimmy?" she called softly. "Jimmy where are you?" she said not
trying to panic. The room felt strangely warmer than it usually did even for a hot Georgia night. The
air hitting her legs made her realize her covers were off. As she reached for her sheets the sound of
clashing metal being struck repeatedly startled her eyes open.
You mean to tell me, author, that this character had her eyes closed even when she was woken to shouting?
Wouldn't you know it, she wasn't in her bedroom to begin with.
- Quote :
- What the light revealed shocked her. Her bed had been replaced
with a flat rock in the middle of a sea of sand.
Or it was just a futon. They're practically the same thing.
And the girl panics, no surprise and does the sensible thing and tries to wake herself up. To no effect, she panics.
- Quote :
- Sounds of horse hooves could now be
distinguished from the dull thudding she had heard before. A thought had just occurred to her. What if
her fiance' was just over that ridge? Was he in the middle of the battle? She just had to risk a look. It
would do her no good just to sit there.
Yes, go towards an ensuing battle and get caught in the middle of violent slaughter! I dare you!
- Quote :
- "Ok Melissa you just need to look over that hill. No one will
even know you were there." She said to herself.
Famous last words right there.
Also, it's now apparently this character is Melissa. I have to admit, she's not nearly as stupid as I'm led to believe.
- Quote :
- The other army was so drastically different. All of them were
women dressed in what looked like Arabian harem out fits.
And you were doing so well too, author.
Well, you fiance isn't amidst the battling, so you can safely--
- Quote :
- At first as she watched she thought the lack of armor on the group of
female warriors would leave them at a disadvantage. The more she studied the event below she could
see that the armor was weighing the men down into the sand making it harder for them to move.
That's nice to point out, author. Now if you could--
- Quote :
- A flash of light struck in the middle of a group of the armored men which sent them flying.
A gleeful cackling came from above. She looked up in amazement just in time to see two little old
women flying away on brooms just in time to avoid the volley of arrows being sent there way by
another half of the armored troop that surrounded who must be their leader.
Oh fuck it, I give up.
Have a confusing entrance!
- Quote :
- The clouds
had moved in once more and from them heat lightning was flashing. The brooms came to a stop
finally after crossing a good distance. Even at that distance she could see Him when the lightning
would flash. A man on a dark armored horse, his cape whipping out behind him in the wind.
He was also getting a face-full of sand, I assume.
We've gone a while without some dialogue (or a break in the paragraph for that matter) so have some
riveting dialogue.
- Quote :
- "*&%#%#^% #$" She heard a raspy voice
shriek. Melissa looked up to see the two old ladies hovering over her. "*&%#%#^% #$"They
repeated.
Watch your fucking language. This is a game for teens, for the love of fire on Jesus' balls!
- Quote :
- "Uh hi." Melissa tried. "I'm sorry but can't
understand a word your saying. You wouldn't happen to speak english would you?" The two old
crones just stared at her for a moment then began to talk amongst themselves.
It's not that hard to understand, Melissa. They were asking if you could break a thirty-fingered snail for some violent peach cobbler.
And now some more gibberish!
- Quote :
- "$%^#^ $%^*##% %&*($% 6$^&*86^*(." One shouted suddenly at the closest
group of horseback women.
You want to
what with a gallon of apple juice?
So, Melissa, bet you were expecting not to be seen, huh? How amazing those words came back and bit you in the ass?
- Quote :
- She almost felt silly about doing so but as she watched the horse galloping towards her she panicked.
She made a mad dash away but knew she wouldn't be able to out run a horse. She felt a sharp tug at
the back of her night shirt and was lifted into the air. Her captor was definitely stronger than she
looked. She pulled Melissa onto the horse and together they rode off.
Melissa meets a grisly demise, there's an orgy, the end.
I wish. I really fucking wish. At this point, I'd just be done and over with this. I'd more pity-quit because this story is just so pathetic. It's entirety is a text-wall that you're just beating yourself in the head with over and over again.
Anyway, Melissa is whisked away from the battle. Attempting to break up the awkward situation, Melissa ensues in some cliche dialogue for her situation.
- Quote :
- "Where are you taking me" she asked after riding what
seemed a few good miles. The lady didn't answer. "Could you at least tell me where I am and how I
got here?" But again she was greeted with silence. "What are you going to do with m-?"
Tell there are no other fanfics that use this same dialogue when a normal!human character appears in Fandom. I dare you.
- Quote :
- They arrived at a huge stone castle/temple looking building that
looked as though it had been carved out of the rock face for which it stood against. Melissa stared in
awe of the beauty of the carvings etched and carved into it. They dismounted and the woman dragged
her into the building. As they traveled the maze like hallways Melissa found herself lost.
I'm not. I see a light at the end of this long, boring text-wall tunnel.
In the end, Melissa is left locked up in a prison cell and I could care less.
Fuck this shit! This is not something to read while drunk
or sober! Or at all for that matter! The writing is decent save for some of the obvious errors, but the character of Melissa is boring, vague AND completely uninteresting. 45 chapters of this. Fuck that.