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 Only A Job

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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Mon Nov 07, 2011 11:32 am

Well, here I am, back from a whirlwind weekend to England, ready to tackle chapter five. Can I just disclaimer the following real quick; I don't read stories with mpreg tags. You're safe.

...from that, anyway.


So, Chapter Five, guys! We're a fifth of the way! I could cry!


I couldn't decide whether I felt like crying because we've come so far, or because we have that much further to go, or because I sometimes get overemotional and feel like crying, so I left that out.



Quote :
[a/n] So it's my B-day and as a present for my readers you get a new chapter. Smile I have almost 30 pages of notes for this story and they just keep growing. If I don't stop this story might just go on forever. So I realized from some of my reviews that my subtle hints might just be a bit too subtle, hopefully I fixed that in this chapter.
30 pages of notes, guys. Unless this means "I've planned out half the dialogue" it doesn't bode well, and it can't mean that because nothing about the dialogue suggests that more than half a thought went into it.


I haven't addressed the technicalities of writing so far, the very structure of the building, if you will, because I've been so busy gaping at the horrible choice of furniture and the sex swing on the porch. This shall be remedied posthaste.

Quote :
Abia tossed his bag full of books on the chair in front of his desk. His classes were not as bad as he thought, but they were still exhausting. Connor was still in his own lesson so he had some time to catch up on work. Flipping on his computer he checked his email for any new clients. He was surprised to see one from his friend Will, the detective he had asked to help discover Connors past.
This is the first paragraph of chapter five, and aren't you just dying with suspense? Intrigued beyond belief? OMG EMAIL FROM DETECTIVE?!? No? Yeah.

So for one: TENSES. Abia still seems to think his classes are bad, and I suppose it's the author telling us that they really aren't. For two: spellcheck. This story is riddled with mistakes that seem to suggest the author runs spellcheck and just randomly picks something off of the list of sugestions, or else has a really, really bad case of the homophones.
For three, I would like to quote something I found on TheHedonist's tumblr a little while back, because the quote explains it so much better than I do:

Quote :
This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.

So write with a combination of short, medium, and long sentences. Create a sound that pleases the reader’s ear. Don’t just write words. Write music.

— Gary Provost
...for three...: this story is the anti-example.


Okay so now that we have this pesky quality-of-writing thing covered, let's get back to the "plot", because HOO BOY. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :
He clicked open the email to find a link to a website, along with a warning to prepare himself for what he saw. That could not be a good thing. Taking a deep breath he clicked the link. The title of the page was Little Boy Fun Time and Abia’s eyes widened when he realized it was a child porn side.

Why would Will send this to him? He was about to close the page when a video started playing. Abia recognized the green eyes that stared into the camera, they were Connor’s. He had to have been about five when this was filmed. The child on the screen wobbled like he had been drugged, as he was instructed into several dirty poses. This was what had happened to him? Someone had forced him to do such horrible things as a child.
Soooooo yeah. Little Boy Fun Time.



~Drama Galore Checklist:~

[X] Erectile Dysfunction FUCKING CHIP IN HIS PENIS
[X] Down on his luck enough to prostitute himself
=> Has to go hungry a lot
[X] Alcoholism in family
[X] High school drop-out due to poverty

[X] Child porn


Child-Connor has to blow someone in the video. I assume this is what the author meant by "less subtle", I also assume this is the explanation for why Connor can deep-throat, which just raises more questions: Why the hell was Connor all sweet and virginal at the bottlespin party? Inexperienced in consensual sex, maybe (although you could argue about how consensual that party really was) but innocent and nervous? Why the hell would Connor pretend to be horrible at oral sex (another bullshit answer coming up later)? Can a five-year-old even do that? WHAT SORT OF PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR EMAILS CHILD PORN???


Yeah, okay, moving on. Unexpectedly, Connor walks in and... gets mad. I guess I would get mad, too, if I caught someone looking at child porn, of me, no less, but it's not like Abia sent someone to snoop through his past without his knowledge, especially after the disaster where he called a therapist without his knowledge, so he probably knows bett- oh, wait.

Quote :
“Where did you find that sight?” Connor asked in a flat tone.
Connor, it's called a "web side". Ask your author.


Quote :
Connor grabbed Abia’s shoulders and slammed him into the wall. “I don’t want your help. I am nothing to you. You are my boss and that’s it. This is just a job.”

“But you have done everything I ask and you have gotten so close to me in the last few days.” Abia flinched as Connor’s fingers dug into his shoulders.

“That is what you hired me for.” Connor cried. “You hired me to entertain you and that was what I was doing. I don’t have any feelings for you at all. All I want is to make you happy so I can get paid and if that’s letting you take me out and buy clothes or fuck me, wherever you want, I’ll do it.”
I love these two. They are so sweet together.


Quote :
So this was what it felt to have a plaything? You pretend to go out, pretend to love and pretend to care about each other. All of the businessmen he worked with had one and that was why he wanted one too. He never thought it would feel so wrong to pretend. Laying his hands on Connor’s chest he pushed him away stating that he needed to be left alone for a while.
Where do I start? The tenses? The "I want one cuz all the other kids have one"? The complete disregard for "show, don't tell"? Eh, I just won't say anything at all. -.-

After a random encounter in the kitchen, which I think is supposed to show how they more or less ignore each other but ends up pointless because two sentences later Abia shows up with dinner, they, uhhh... sign a contract. A contract describing the nature of their relationship, or lack thereof; and let me just say that this contract is the single most annoying thing about this mess of a story because it doesn't do anything, nobody fucking sticks to it, it is of no consequence whatsoever except it gives them something to bicker about all the fucking time.
It doesn't make Abia the slightest bit more assertive, in case you were hoping for a bit of power dynamic in your smut. Don't get your hopes up. It does nothing.

Quote :
Abia would not allow Connor near him unless it was on Abia’s terms. He couldn’t even breathe near the young man without getting his permission. “This contract seems a bit cold. I mean I am here to make you happy and you’re pretty much telling me I can’t do anything without your consent.”

“It would be best if we kept this as a business relationship and nothing else.” Abia refused to look at Connor as he spoke. “This just ensures that you don’t start thinking that our arrangement is actually a relationship.

“I don’t think that I am the one you should be telling that too.” Connor mumbled.

“Just sign it.” Abia huffed. Connor reluctantly signed the contract and handed it back to Abia. “Now hurry up dinner is in ten minutes.” Connor rolled his eyes and followed the young man out of the room.
YES, MOM. I mean, YES, PISSY GUY WHO HIRED ME FOR SEX.



~Drama Galore Checklist:~

[X] Erectile Dysfunction FUCKING CHIP IN HIS PENIS
[X] Down on his luck enough to prostitute himself
=> Has to go hungry a lot
[X] Alcoholism in family
[X] High school drop-out due to poverty
[X] Child porn

[X] Sex contract, signed




Just to show you how much this thing means:

Quote :
Standing, Connor followed the young man. He caught him just as he was leaving. Making sure he kept his distance he asked, “can I at least kiss you goodbye?”

Abia glanced at him quickly as he handed his bag to the driver. Sighing, he closed the distance between the two of them and lightly kissed Connor’s cheek. Before he could pull away, Connor pulled him in for another kiss. This one was passionate and all the things the contract forbid.

Connor could feel the other fighting with the urge to push him away as he slipped his tongue into Abia’s mouth. He knew it was wrong, but he liked getting a rise out of Abia. When they pulled away the others in the room quickly averted their eyes.

“That was against our agreement.” Abia breathed.

“Sorry I’m not used to what I’m allowed to do yet.” Connor released Abia and walked away.
Yeah, and he doesn't get used to it at a later point, either. So the thing is, what the hell is Abia's deal? We know that he remembers Connor, and that that's -probably- the reason for this weird live-in boy toy arrangement, but if he's mad/hurt/disappointed/WHATEVER, BRO enough to draw up what amounts to a restraining order, why won't he just move him off the premises and have him homeschooled tutored elsewhere? Abia, you are a drama queen FROM HELL.



Quote :
“Have you had sex with him yet?”

“Blew him in the shower a few days ago, but that’s it. He keeps telling me he is supposed to be careful with me.”

“Probably because I asked him to.” Dr. Aden said. “Connor, with your past I’m afraid that if he pushes you to much, you may break.”

“I won’t break. If I haven’t broken yet, then I wont.” Connor huffed.

“You are a nice young man and I would hate to see you fall back into bad habits. What about the drinking?”

“I told you I don’t drink for that reason. Don’t worry I’ll be careful.”
Did you catch it? Because hell, I didn't, the first time around.



~Drama Galore Checklist:~

[X] Erectile Dysfunction FUCKING CHIP IN HIS PENIS
[X] Down on his luck enough to prostitute himself
=> Has to go hungry a lot
[X] Alcoholism in family
[X] High school drop-out due to poverty
[X] Child porn
[X] Sex contract, signed

[X] recovering alcoholic


Quote :
“Anything I need to know.” Abia asked as they left the office.

“Nope.” Connor replied sliding into the car.
Lookie, someone's still pissy.


Quote :
“What do you want?”

“Just wanted to make sure you were ok. You seemed pretty upset when we left the doctors.” Connor shrugged.
WHAT. Connor, you either are a manipulative little shit or completely deluded about your own passive-aggressive guilt-trippy bullshit.


Okay so there's a lot of scratch going on with this story, but ultimately that could still have been entertaining. What put me off it, in the end, was that it's completely random and all over the place and everybody changes their mind all the time and bickers and huffs and is a right little drama queen. If these were real people, I would refuse to be friends with them, not even for the train wreck.

Allow me to illustrate:

Quote :
you have been acting like an ass since yesterday and I want to know why?”

“It is none of your concern.”

“Fine.” Connor released him. “You want me to follow the contract I will. I want to move into another room.”

“What?” Abia stared at Connor in confusion.

“You heard me. You specifically stated that unless you ask me to get in bed with you I could not. So, since you have all of a sudden become a cold hearted bastard, I want my own room.”

“No.” Abia said, clenching his fists in anger. “You will stay in my bed, with me, at night.”

“Whatever.” Connor mumbled leaving the room.

Abia’s heart was pounding in his chest. Even after he had forced Connor to sign the contract the young man still forced his dominance onto Abia. Not only that Connor’s aggression was making him hard and he hated it. Suddenly, a thought came to him and he raced after Connor.

He found the young man at the top of the stairs. Without saying anything, he grabbed Connor and dragged him back downstairs. The young man looked at Abia in frustration, as he forced Connor to sit on the weight bench.

“What do you want now?” Connor asked looking very annoyed.

“You want me to use you, then I will use you.” Abia said letting his sweatpants drop to the floor.

“Something I did turn you on?” Connor smirked staring at Abia’s hard member.

“Just shut up and get to work.” Abia growled.

He gasped when Connor ran his tongue over the long shaft. This wasn’t like the other day in the shower. This was Connor wanting to get it done and over with, as he took Abia deep into his mouth. Suddenly Abia remembered the video he had seen and the large man who forced Connor to do the exact same thing.

He quickly pulled away leaving Connor staring at him completely confused. Abia just looked away tugging his sweats back on. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” Abia replied glancing at Connor.
Sorry for the mega-quote. But.

ABIA: I'm hiring you for sex, but this contract says you can't touch me, but you still have to sleep in my bed and in any case it gets me hot that you completely ignore this contract anyway. So now I'm going to be all FINE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT and make you blow me. Except I'm going to have flashbacks of something that you don't even have flashbacks of, even though it's in your past, and now I don't want you to blow me after all.

CONNOR: I hope you understand you're no more than my employer. Now if you'd stop treating me like an employee, now, because that pisses me off. So W/E I WANT MY OWN ROOM. But if I can't have that, I'll blow you, that's cool too.



So, in another mindbogglingly short sex sce- meh, I'll just post it. Explaining it would actually be longer. Colbert

Quote :
He took a hold of Abia’s hips, lowering the fabric that surrounded them. He gently took Abia into his mouth, suckling the head of his member. Abia set his hand on the young man’s shoulder while the other tangled into his hair.

Abia shuddered as Connor slowly took him in. Connor forced Abia’s hips back, then pulled them forward, taking him back into his mouth. After a few seconds Abia got the hint that, that was what Connor wanted him to do. He slowly thrusts himself deep into that hot mouth.

Abia felt his face heat when a small whimper passed his lips. He never made any noise before and now, here he was, whimpering as he pushed into Connor’s mouth. A moan from Connor sent shivers through Abia’s body. The vibrations on his member made him come and he cried out as he flowed into Connor’s mouth.
So there you have it, folks- a thirty second blow job that you can't see for all the misplaced tenses and punctuation, but I think it could be saved if the author used their names a few more times.
BUT! Abia just made a noise! There's some serious sexual healing going on here!


Quote :
“See, I told you I would get something out of you.” Connor chuckled licking Abia clean.



As promised, some answers, although I hesitate to call them that:

Quote :
“Why were you so bad at the club if you knew how to do that?” Abia panted sitting down next to Connor.

“Figured if I was bad then you wouldn’t want me. Plus it’s been a while, so I was rusty.”
So at least that gets addressed, although the author did a pretty awful job trying to be ambiguous, then. But why would Connor want to be bad at a job he just took because he had no other options left? He needed the money. Was it just because it was Abia? But he hasn't even admitted he knows the guy! I'm afraid we'll never know.

Or maybe it will be explained somewhere later in the story, where my eyes unfocused every time I tried to read it. We'll find out.




~~~
GAFF Memorial Award For Failing 'Show, Don't Tell 101'
goes to:

Quote :
Once the instructor arrived all of Connor’s thoughts were turned to school, which was a good distraction, considering he couldn’t stop thinking about the stupid contract he had signed yesterday. Three o’clock came quickly and he was rushed from the house and into the car.
Oh, doesn't it just grip you?


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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Mon Nov 07, 2011 3:28 pm

So I have a test Wednesday and a sales receipt to hunt for. I'm thinking I might wade through another chapter of this.



Chapter Six, in which all of Connor's old friends turn out to be dickheads. There's a surprise.




Quote :
[a/n]I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter so it might not be the best. I can't tell you how many times I had to rewrite it. If you didn't like Connor's friends before you'll probably them hate now.
Enjoy!
...

...anyone else want a go?


Meet Fane. Fane knows a party! Connor wants the party. Abia doesn't like the party! Abia also doesn't like the frisky. Watch Connor and Abia bicker. Bitch, Connor, bitch!

So after Mom Abia lets Connor go to the party, she goes down to the kitchen to bake something or other, and we meet the cook.


Quote :
“Making anything good?” The cook asked in his thick French accent.
(...)
Romeo he’s my employee.” Abia sighed.
Romeo: French name since 2011!



Quote :
“All I’m saying is he’s a gorgeous young man. I’ve seen how you look at him, and it’s not the way a boss looks at his employees. You like him,” Romeo said in a singsong voice.

“He’s sweet,” Abia admitted.
No, he's not. Of all the things he might be, I have yet to see "sweet".



Quote :
“So there is no possibility that you like him?” Romeo smiled.

“Shut up,” Abia mumbled returning to his work.
What are you guys, teenage girls?!



SO. *rolls up sleeves* It's about to get interesting stupid. Connor goes to meet Fane, who talks about going over to Stacia, who throws the illest parties, but before they go we get a tour of Fane's home.

Quote :
He had two other roommates, who were currently naked on the kitchen floor, with two girls between them.

Connor had to look away quickly to keep himself from reacting to the sight. “The blond’s got an amazing mouth, you should try her out some time.” Fane said leading him upstairs.
Wait, let me get my Cliché Bingo sheet, it's gotta be around here somewhere.


~Cliché Bingo~

-A lovely hero, down on his luck through no fault of his own
-A pretty prince businessman on a white horse limo who lives in a castle mansion and has a lot of servants staff
-A dramatic slap to the face
-A *thunderclap* mysterious dramatic past

-Friends shown to be a bad influence via promiscuity and misogyny



Quote :
They entered the large master bedroom where Fane stayed. Connor dumped his bag on a couch, while Fane shook the girl in his bed awake.

She crawled out of bed completely naked, giving Connor a sweet smile. Connor just shook his head as Fane pushed her out of the room. Fane had always been one to live wildly and when the girls wanted to get into bed with him, they would. A lot of the time Connor would come over to find multiple girls in Fane’s bed, doing things Connor would never do.
Ah, yeah. Fane is going to turn out useless at best, but probably worse. I mean, he sleeps around. Whereas Connor, isn't he just a little angel in spite of his twagic past?!


Connor looks like "some preppy rich boy" and has to change into something that Fane throws at him, something with holes and chains that's probably supposed to make him punk and badass but really doesn't do it for me, and they head out...

Quote :
Back downstairs they passed by the kitchen, where the girl in Fane’s bed had joined the four on the floor.
Sure, everybody knows people like this, don't they?



Quote :
“So what are you drinking tonight?” Fane asked nudging Connor’s side.

“Nothing, if there is only going to be alcohol there.” Connor mumbled.

“Dude come on just because your old man was an alcoholic doesn’t mean that you will be. A few drinks won’t kill you.”
See, this is why Dr. Aden's comment about drinking went completely over my head the first time around. Maybe this story was meant to be this masterful something-or-other of red herrings all over the place and I'm expected to go "ahhhhh" and "ooohhhh" at every new revelation, but what really happened was that the rest of this chapter made me go "WHAT >.<" again and again and again and when it was finally explained (not in this chapter, nooooo), instead of "ohh wow" I went "Fuck's sake. Dry "

So they want to head to the party, except one of the guys on the kitchen floor wants to go by Ryan's to get “Angel dust, it’s fucking awesome.” and Connor thinks a bit on how there are always drugs in Fane's house and he never tries any of them, isn't he such a good doggy?

Quote :
It was still early, but the house was packed and Connor was sure that the party had not stopped from the week before. That was how Stacia’s house always was.
DAMN, STACIA. YOU CRAZY, GURL.



~~Interlude: Abia goes to a client's home where there's also “(...) Harrison my new toy. Just ignore him.”, and he's disgusted because yes, he also has a toy boy, but he doesn't have a wife and kids and also he is not significantly older than Connor, so his having a live-in whore is kinky instead of creepy.~~


Meanwhile, in Partytown: Connor asks for a soft drink and refuses Stacia's advances, and given what we've seen so far you won't be surprised when I say SHE'S NOT SUBTLE, YOU GUYS. He pours himself a "fizzing" drink and fights off other groping hands, which is totally natural and always happens to me at parties, and then he starts feeling weird and Fane gives him a glass of water that he gulps down, except it's straight-up vodka. Oh, Fane, you so silly.


Quote :
Connor’s head was spinning, his body wanted more and he fought against its desires. He was an idiot for coming tonight. He should have stayed at Fanes house; he should have stayed at home with Abia. Another cup was pushed into his hands and he drank, not caring what it was. He couldn’t give in even if it was getting harder to do so.
I, what? Did you change the direction of your argument again without using your turn signal?



So you see, his old alcoholism is kicking in. Except I was still set on "his Dad was an alcoholic" and kept going "that's not how alcohol works, you idiot Angry" throughout. I understand wanting to mislead your reader, but surely if they call you a dumbass you've taken it too far?!

So he asks for water again, Fane gives him more alcohol because sure, why waste the booze on people who actually want and enjoy it?, and then dumps him in an upstairs bedroom.




~Cliché Bingo~

-A lovely hero, down on his luck through no fault of his own
-A pretty prince businessman on a white horse limo who lives in a castle mansion and has a lot of servants staff
-A dramatic slap to the face
-A *thunderclap* mysterious dramatic past
-Friends shown to be a bad influence via promiscuity and misogyny
and drugs and alcohol and peer pressure




Quote :
Finding his footing, he pushed the door shut and locked it. It took him a few tries to keep himself from stumbling. He just wanted to go to sleep as his body hit the bed. The last thought he had before slipping into darkness, was how was he going to get back home?
Oh, cliff-hanger.

-ish.

...okay so it's just a little rock I keep stubbing my toe on.



~~~
GAFF Memorial Award For Conveniently Not Knowing Your Friends
goes to:

Quote :
Connor frowned at the sudden change of subject. “They are my friends nothing is going to happen.”
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Maximilia
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Mon Nov 07, 2011 5:55 pm

Holy crap, Grumbles, you hit the proverbial badfic goldmine here! This... wow. I'm amazed at your mental fortitude.
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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Mon Nov 07, 2011 7:42 pm

I want to know how someone mistakes a glass of vodka for a glass of water. Vodka reeks, dude! I can small a glass of vodka, like, 2 feet away from me!!

And boy howdy those are shitty friends. I can almost understand getting him drunk for shits and giggles, but why keep giving him booze after he is incoherent? Pass-out drunks are not fun. I mean, go ahead and spike the punch if you want to be a shit-hole about it, but give the guy some fucking water afters!
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Rabid Badger
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Mon Nov 07, 2011 8:45 pm

I just want you to know I laughed so hard I actually snorted Pepsi all over my computer screen. I haven't seen a train-wreck like this in all my years of reading slash.

I eagerly await the next chapter, cliche bingo card close at hand.
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rae
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Tue Nov 08, 2011 12:33 am

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
...why keep giving him booze after he is incoherent? Pass-out drunks are not fun. I mean, go ahead and spike the punch if you want to be a shit-hole about it, but give the guy some fucking water afters!

I see this a lot from fannits who are too young to drink themselves, and who probably have little or no experience with drunk people. They don't know how much alcohol it takes to get drunk (which is why you end up with ridiculous scenes where anyone can get drunk off a single glass of wine / chug a bottle of vodka and only be tipsy) or how people physically react to being drunk (which is why in fic, two glasses of wine gives someone hallucinations). And being fannits, they are unwilling to look it up, or, you know, just ask their parents.
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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Tue Nov 08, 2011 10:47 am

Maximilia wrote:
Holy crap, Grumbles, you hit the proverbial badfic goldmine here! This... wow. I'm amazed at your mental fortitude.
Haha thank you, but the truth is that after a certain point I ended up feeling more than anything, so it's cool.


Reepicheep-chan wrote:
I want to know how someone mistakes a glass of vodka for a glass of water. Vodka reeks, dude! I can small a glass of vodka, like, 2 feet away from me!!
...and even if you don't smell it (personally, I have next to no sense of smell) you'd think he could tell the moment it touched his tongue. Shit don't taste like water, yo.


Rabid Badger wrote:
I just want you to know I laughed so hard I actually snorted Pepsi all over my computer screen.
I aim to please. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]




Chapter Seven starts with Abia fretting because Connor's been gone four days and either something happened to him or he decided "freedom was better then living here with [Abia]". But we needn't worry; as always the narrative moves on before we can get into the mood of things and we don't actually have time to wonder what Connor might have been doing for the last four days before we find out.


He comes to with Stacia on top of him but she assures him that he's been too busy drinking to worry about sexin', and also that he doesn't have to worry about having class on Monday because it's Tuesday.


Quote :
He pushed open a few bedroom doors before finding Fane.

“You bastard,” Connor growled, ignoring the scream from the girl Fane had in bed with him. “I told you no alcohol.”

“Yeah and now I see, fuck man you’re crazy (...) Look man, I just wanted you to have some fun.”

“Yeah and now I’m fucked because of it.” Connor spat as he followed Fane to his car.

The drive back ended with Connor hanging out the window, releasing what was left in his stomach.
He's been black-out drunk for four days, and here he is, a little unsteady on his feet and puking, but none the worse for wear. Surely people who party as hard and as much as Fane and Stacia know when to get someone to the hospital?!


Connor calls Mom Abia and gets picked up and Mom Abia is so relieved that baby's come home Connor still wants to be his toy that he isn't mad.

And now! We learn more, not only about his drinking problem, but also about his child porn days! ...behold:


Quote :
“You should go Abia.” Dr. Aden sighed, helping Connor onto the bed.

“No, he should know,” Connor motioned for Abia to move closer. Abia crawled onto the bed and sat next to the young man. “That video you saw, it was not my father who forced me to do those things, it was my aunt. I used to refuse, so she would force me to drink whiskey until I was too drunk to care. I was an alcoholic by the time I was six. I gave it up when I turned seventeen and quit school. I was sober for four years, until Friday.”
Yeah, um, I'll just repeat this in my sing-song voice while actually not listening to myself.

He was an alcoholic at six years old. For ten years. Ten years in which he managed to go to highschool and everything. Ten years in which he managed to not die despite all the damage alcohol does to developing bodies.
TEN YEARS, GUYS

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



~Drama Galore Checklist:~

[X] Erectile Dysfunction FUCKING CHIP IN HIS PENIS
[X] Down on his luck enough to prostitute himself
=> Has to go hungry a lot
[X] Alcoholism in family
[X] High school drop-out due to poverty

[X] Child porn
=> sold by aunt
[X] Sex contract, signed
[X] recovering alcoholic
=> from age six onwards




So after this revelation Dr. Aden has another Talk with Abia, and because our favorite John With A HeartTM wants to help they talk about what he can do.


Quote :
“I don’t feel anything for him,” Abia yanked his face away and stood up.

“You should stop denying it.” Dr. Aden rose, staring at the stubborn young man. “Anyway, tell him about yourself, it might help. Have you heard anything about Madalyn recently?”

“No but it’s abut that time of year, so I should get a card soon.” Abia was thankful for the subject change.

“I think you should go visit her, take Connor with you.”

“Give her one more reason to resent me.”

“What happened was not your fault,” Dr. Aden sighed.
Oh, come on, I'm still high from the last plot point and up comes another one? Fuck off, I got the munchies.



Quote :
“You’re an idiot if you think I’m going to make you leave.”

“After what I did, you should have never let me come back.” Connor tucked the blond hair behind Abia’s ear.

“I am just as much to blame. I should have never let you leave.”

“No, I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed here with you.”
Reverse bickering. Cunning!


Quote :
Connor woke feeling sick; he just barely made it to the bathroom before he threw up. Lucky for him, his stomach was empty. Brushing his teeth, he decided a shower would be good too. Once he was clean, he went in search of Abia, hoping that he was still willing to let Connor live with him.
Dude, you JUST talked about it. Literally right before you fell asleep.



So some detox expert shows up the same afternoon because all the world revolves around this OTP because Abia is just that rich and important just because, and they set up a plan for the next few days because alcohol doesn't mean to be a brat when it leaves your system, it just needs a familiar schedule.


Quote :
“You can ask, you do have the right to know.” Connor sighed, ripping off small pieces of bread and dropping them into his soup.

“Why would your aunt do those things to you?” Connor dropped his spoon, that was not the question he was expecting.
Okay, but what was he expecting? I sort of want to know. :/


Quote :
“Because my father sold me to her.” Connor held up a hand to silence Abia. “We needed the money. My father was an alcoholic, he wasted our money on liquor so I had to ‘get a job’,” He made quotation marks with his fingers.

“You’re lucky she never drugged you.”

“You think she didn’t?” Abia looked down at the table and Connor rested his chin on the young man’s shoulder. “She didn’t use them enough that I became addicted, but she did use them. Some of the clients, as she called them, requested that I was high.”
Yes, but what question were you expecting?



~Drama Galore Checklist:~

[X] Erectile Dysfunction FUCKING CHIP IN HIS PENIS
[X] Down on his luck enough to prostitute himself
=> Has to go hungry a lot
[X] Alcoholism in family
[X] High school drop-out due to poverty
[X] Child porn
=> sold by aunt

=> sold to aunt
[X] Sex contract, signed
[X] recovering alcoholic
=> from age six onwards

[X] drugged as a child



Quote :
“How long did this go on?” Abia reached up and ran a hand through Connor’s hair.

“I was four the first time she forced me in front of the camera, I was ten when she decided I was getting too old. My mother fought them all the time but my father, he was a violent alcoholic and he would beat her, then beat me for letting her do such a thing.”
YES BUT WHAT QUESTION



~Drama Galore Checklist:~

[X] Erectile Dysfunction FUCKING CHIP IN HIS PENIS
[X] Down on his luck enough to prostitute himself
=> Has to go hungry a lot
[X] Alcoholism in family
[X] High school drop-out due to poverty
[X] Child porn
=> sold by aunt
=> sold to aunt
[X] Sex contract, signed
[X] recovering alcoholic
=> from age six onwards
[X] drugged as a child

[X] violent father


Then something shmoopy about how "sexual activity" with Abia is actually nice because he cares (even though both of them keep pretending he doesn't) and how they should "do more of it", and Abia offers the insight that maybe the restraining order contract doesn't have to be followed to the letter, and then Connor pukes.

End of Chapter Seven.


~~~
GAFF Memorial Award For Having Your Priorities Straight
goes to:

Quote :
Fear coursed through Abia, as he thought of all the horrible things that could have happened to Connor. What scared him even more was that Connor had probably discovered that his freedom was better then living here with him.

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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Tue Nov 08, 2011 4:35 pm

It could always be worse! I read a similar drunken child molestation fic where all the alcohol the victim consumed was introduced to his system via his anus.

Srsly though people who know nothing about alcohol really need to not make it important to the plot.
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:12 am

Great snark, Grmbl. I know you are too busy concentrating on the lame non-story to cover all the bases, spelling wise, but this thing is poor on all fronts!

Quote :
Now you know I can’t tell you anything that Connor told me because of the confidentiality laws, but I am telling you right now, if you plan on having any sort of sexual relationship with him you must be careful. (...) I know I’m being vague, but please don’t push him to hard.

That is the first time I've seen the oft abused to, too and two error and it's been funny.

Don't push him to Hard!

Makes him sound like a treadmill in a gym.

Quote :
The title of the page was Little Boy Fun Time and Abia’s eyes widened when he realized it was a child porn side.

Is that a typo? Side, not site? First I read it, I wondered what main course you order with a child porn side. Child porn is illegal. I'd have thought even the filth who manufacture and disseminate it would not name their site, Little Boy Fun Time.

Quote :
“No but it’s abut that time of year, so I should get a card soon.”


Of course. When you're alongside and up against that time of year, you get a card.
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Fri Nov 11, 2011 1:30 pm

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
I want to know how someone mistakes a glass of vodka for a glass of water. Vodka reeks, dude! I can small a glass of vodka, like, 2 feet away from me!!
I'll have you know the good stuff hardly smells at all. Colbert

But yeah dude, no way to mistake that for water. Silly fannit. This is hilarious, Grumbles.
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Mon Nov 14, 2011 10:10 am

Adagio wrote:
Reepicheep-chan wrote:
I want to know how someone mistakes a glass of vodka for a glass of water. Vodka reeks, dude! I can small a glass of vodka, like, 2 feet away from me!!
I'll have you know the good stuff hardly smells at all.
Yeah, but who invites their friend who is so poor he has to prostitute himself to make rent to a party and then force-feeds him top-shelf booze? That is just rude.
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:26 pm

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
Adagio wrote:
Reepicheep-chan wrote:
I want to know how someone mistakes a glass of vodka for a glass of water. Vodka reeks, dude! I can small a glass of vodka, like, 2 feet away from me!!
I'll have you know the good stuff hardly smells at all.
Yeah, but who invites their friend who is so poor he has to prostitute himself to make rent to a party and then force-feeds him top-shelf booze? That is just rude.

Someone who wants to make them more bootstrappy?
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:47 pm

I hope you get back to this stuff soon, grmblfjx. Your snark is awesome and this story is really really bad.
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Nov 17, 2011 8:48 am

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
It could always be worse! I read a similar drunken child molestation fic where all the alcohol the victim consumed was introduced to his system via his anus.
While this is physically possible, it seems to make for a dumb story. Why bother?


Summercorn wrote:
Great snark, Grmbl. I know you are too busy concentrating on the lame non-story to cover all the bases, spelling wise, but this thing is poor on all fronts!
I know. Tenses, general storytelling, everything. I didn't bother to write them a real review because I didn't know where to start.


Quote :
First I read it, I wondered what main course you order with a child porn side.
Rapesteak, extra bloody.


Quijotesca wrote:
I hope you get back to this stuff soon, grmblfjx. Your snark is awesome and this story is really really bad.
Ah, thank you, thank you. I was away for a couple of days and didn't have that kind of time. Here goes!




Chapter eight starts with a scene that isn't inherently stupid- in summary, it goes kinda like this; three weeks have passed and Abia is in the kitchen, helping Romeo bake something or other, Connor shows up and drags him off to the bedroom because he feels he's up for it, and Abia drops his overprotective act and blows him (and we see a hint of a memory of that spin-the-bottle party).
This, if executed well, could be a decent scene- but given the story we're in, you didn't actually expect that to happen, did you? Because I'd hate to disappoint you just now.


Quote :
Abia growled again, as the melted sugar he was trying to spread over the wax paper, burnt his fingers. Why he agreed to help Romeo with this, he didn’t know, but he was having fun. The burnt fingers were no big deal, as long as he was doing something to keep his mind off the last few weeks, he was grateful.
Maybe I should add acute amnesia to the Drama Checklist. Why ever did he agree to helping Romeo The French Cook? You could almost think he does this sort of thing as a stress reliever, like, a lot. And look, ooohhh, it's even fun! WHO KNEW?!
But what's worse, there's a hint that the last few weeks were... well, something he doesn't want to dwell on; and we don't learn why. We don't even learn if they were of the "24/7 arguing" type or the "Serious Fucking USTTM" type or maybe just something work-related. To me, there's a difference in the overall feel of a situation if it was NNNGGGG WANNA FUCK vs JUST STOP BITCHING ALREADY, no? Yeah, well, tough. Make up your own explanation, don't expect the author to do all the work.


So Abia burnt his fingers, and as in any situation that involves several grown men they worry about letting Connor see it and bicker about who's going to take the blame for it- and then Connor, not one to disappoint, shows up and scolds them for burning Abia's fingers.
I thought Abia was the Mom, here. I'm confused.

In any case, Connor -a true man, that- came to steal Mom from the kitchen because he's horny and it's been three weeks and "I know, I’m not completely back to normal but I asked Dr. Aden and he said it would be ok."
I'm sorry, how old are you? "Daddy, can I have sex yet?" You had alcohol poisoning, not a bleeding wound that needed stitches. Now, I'm no expert on alcoholism and detox, but it seems to me that if you feel physically up for it three weeks later, you probably are.


Quote :
“That still doesn’t mean I’m saying it’s ok. Plus the contract,” Connor cut him off by placing a hand over Abia’s mouth.

“We haven’t been following that thing since you made me sign it. What makes you think I’ll follow it now?”

“Because I’ll refuse.” Abia jerked his hand out of Connor’s.
...but I bet you don't feel anything for him. Rolling Eyes And what hand? What? His hand was on your mouth, wasn't it?


Quote :
“Fine, if you want to do this the hard way, then I’ll just go along with it.” Abia may have been taller then Connor, but he was not as strong. He realized that when Connor tossed him over his shoulder and headed for the stairs. “So barbaric.”
So, yeah, caveman sex. In case you can't tell, it's Connor saying the first sentence, but everything after that is Abia.

After a bit of wooden sexytalk, this:

Quote :
Popping the buttons on Connor’s jean, an old memory flowed through his head. A memory Abia was having trouble remembering clearly. He did know, that it was the only time he ever enjoyed being in such a situation.
Look, Abia, you're young, pretty and rich. You're, like, bodyguards-and-maids rich. If you never "enjoyed being in such a situation", you didn't need to be. Nobody could make you. Just press the button and the gorillas will make it go away. I mean, all this BS about how sex is just another activity and bores you- I don't engage in activities that bore me unless I somehow need to for financial or social reasons. You are rich, and you don't seem to have a social life. So what the fuck?


Quote :
The feel of Abia’s mouth on him sent an explosion of feeling. Dr. Aden had warned him that after years of being unable to feel correctly, sex would not last very long. He was right, Abia had just taken his entire member in his mouth and he came.

“Dammit, sorry.” Connor mumbled, looking away.
Am I the only one thinking that the author has not given a whole lot of blow jobs?
People enjoy giving head to varying degrees, so let's just assume, for the sake of argument, that Abia really really likes to (yeah, he finds sex boring, but he's also thought that he did enjoy it with Connor, so work with me, here)- but even then, blowing someone a) is work and b) has a clear goal: pleasing the other person. The other person. You, even if you enjoy it, won't enjoy it in quite the same way; you will be mentally focused on the task at hand and may well lose your erection (or, generally speaking, your level of arousal]- not because you hate it, but because you're using the other brain, you know, the one in your head.
My point being that it's during sex where you may or may not want to apologize for your timing, not fellatio.

Abia, who apparently really fucking likes giving head, assures him that they "can try again". Maybe they're training for some sort of Olympics, considering they did meet at a kinky game show. I mean brothel.


So then Connor wants Abia to have some fun, too, because he was deprived of the opportunity to gag and get lockjaw (sorry, guys, I don't actually mean that. I swear. -.-) and offers that “You can fuck me if you want.”, which is so stunted an invitation that it comes full circle and becomes charmingly non-chalant.
But Abia doesn't want to, even gets weird about it, and for once Connor is on the same page as the reader and demands to know what the hell is actually going on. But never fear, because the lucid moment is fleeting. Very fleeting.


Quote :
“Well the more we fight, the harder you keep getting.” Connor growled, anger growing in him.

“It’s not the fighting, it’s you.” Connor grabbed the hands that were pushing on him; he forced them over Abia’s head.

“Then what is it?” Connor hissed. Abia shuddered when Connor forced his legs apart. Connor was even more surprised when Abia arched off the bed, brushing against his naked skin.

“I like this,” Abia’s blush deepened, spreading down his neck. “I like how you force me to submit.” Connor pulled away staring at the young man. “I’m sorry Connor it’s just I have never had someone who has pushed me.”

“It’s fine. I’ll go now.” Connor turned to leave.
AAIIIEEEE I'm gonna cry. While I start the waterworks, would someone mind telling me if Abia was just being difficult so Connor would be forceful? Is he shy because being submissive is a new and awkward thing for him? What?

Abia, in a rare moment of being straightforward, tries to get Connor to stay, to keep going, but-

Quote :
“You like it when I’m dominant then I’ll be dominant. So since you fought with me today I’ll let you suffer. Maybe next time you won’t put up a fight.”
Yeah, look, Abia didn't say anything about domestic dominance- he gets off on you holding him down, not on deprivation. Or maybe he does, but you can't just assume that.


Quote :
“This isn’t about our agreement, this is, well, I don’t know. I have never been put in a situation like this. I have never wanted someone inside me before. I’m not even sure if I’ll like it.”
Hey, author, I would like a word with you. Your characters seem to think that sexual submission is automatically the same as bottoming, like, the guy getting his ass pounded [sorry. That always cracks me up, in a bad way- it's terminally unsexy, if you ask me] has to be the uke, you get my drift? Can you talk to Abia about the severe lack of causal relation there? Thanks.


Quote :
Keeling on the floor, Connor took Abia into his mouth. A moan filled the room causing Connor to chuckle. For someone who didn’t enjoy sex, Abia made quite a bit of noise.
Abia grasped Connor’s hair tightly as he worked the young man’s shaft. Letting out a strangled cry, Abia released himself into Connor’s mouth.
I'm sorry about posting sex scenes in their entirety, but, well... you know. And can someone else make a "keeling" joke for me?


Quote :
Grabbing his clothes from the floor, Connor dressed himself and slipped from the room. Leaving Abia to think about what had been said.
Yeah, that's exactly what I do after an orgasm. Colbert


So I thought about whether there was anything in this scene that warranted inclusion in either of my lists, but then I realized that -tragically- this is probably the most believable part of the story so far. Actual storytelling aside, a young man realizes that he has a bit of a submissive streak and feels awkward admitting to it; what is this, actual human behavior, in my story?!
It's less likely than you think.



So anyway: let's leave this sexiness behind us, because there is a plot point coming up. Got your checklist ready? Good.

Abia gets a letter. The letter contains a picture of a beautiful (of course), blonde (of course), curly-haired (of course) little girl who will be five next month, and I have a really hard time summarizing the next bit of brainfart, so I apologize in advance for the megaquote.

Quote :
“Is she a close relative, she looks just like you.” Connor smiled, handing the picture back to Abia.

“She’s my daughter.” Abia mumbled, causing Connor to drop the photo.

“You have a kid?” Connor asked shocked.

“It’s a long story.” Abia sighed, leaning down to retrieve the photo from the floor.

“So when do I get to meet her?” Abia glanced up at Connor. He was kidding, right?

“You won’t meet her, I haven’t even met her.”

“So she lives with her mother. Was this an accident kind of thing? I’m surprised she sends you pictures.” Connor hopped onto the desk, situating himself so he was sitting in front of Abia.

“She lives with my aunt and uncle. I really don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Can I at least know her name?” Connor leaned down so he was inches from Abia’s face.

“Madalyn, she’ll be five in November.”
Yeah, um, now it's Abia's turn to air out the laundry. I'll just include all of it in the Checklist indiscriminately because even if you can't tell which is whose drama I'm not sure it would make a difference for the story either way.


~Drama Galore Checklist:~

[X] Erectile Dysfunction FUCKING CHIP IN HIS PENIS
[X] Down on his luck enough to prostitute himself
=> Has to go hungry a lot
[X] Alcoholism in family
[X] High school drop-out due to poverty
[X] Child porn
=> sold by aunt
=> sold to aunt
[X] Sex contract, signed
[X] recovering alcoholic
=> from age six onwards
[X] drugged as a child
[X] violent father

[X] daughter
=>tragically never met her


Quote :
“There is something you’re not telling me.” (...) You have a daughter, that’s great. But you don’t look happy about it, in fact, you look terrified. And I don’t mean terrified as in, you’re a new father who is worried he’s going to mess up his daughters life. I mean terrified as in, she was not conceived because you wanted a baby, or because you were stupid one night and accidentally got a girl pregnant. How did you end up having a kid?”


....okay, guys, brace yourselves. Sit down, swallow that drink and hold on to your hat, because here comes Abia's story, and I know I'm building his up a bit but I SWEAR it will live up to the hype.



Quote :
“You remember when I told you I was terrified of Doctors right?” Connor nodded. “That was because when I was seventeen, the doctor I had been seeing all my life kidnapped me. Apparently he did it all the time.
He what?

Quote :
He would see the person on the street, sedate them and take them home. He found me walking down the road one day and grabbed me.
He...why? What? If it's a random-person-nabber, why does he need to be your lifelong GP?

Quote :
When I came to my senses, I was handcuffed to a pole in his basement.
I, what?
Okay, so your doctor is a kidnapper, I see how that could cause trauma. So did he ask for ransom or-

Quote :
His whole family was just as twisted as he was.
They all kidnapped people for ransom all the time?

...it's no good hoping for that, is it?

Quote :
“They would all take turns raping me.
Hrrrrhhrrrrrrrrhrhrhrhrsorry. I knew this was coming, I had read the story. I of all people should have been able to brace myself. I should not have squeaked a little with laughter just now.
True story.

Quote :
His daughter liked me the most. I fought them all the time,
Heroic! You can't be proper tragic if you fail to be heroic!

Quote :
but he would just sedate me, leaving me helpless to do whatever they wanted. I didn’t react to the women so he would give me something that made me react.
"Something". Really? Within ten seconds, Google told me the main drugs to treat erectile dysfunction are sildenafil citrate, tadalafil and vardenafil (Viagra, Cialis and Levitra respectively). Even if you don't want to use brand names, how hard is it to write something other than "something"?!

Other question, If you're being raped, does it really matter if the rapist is of your preferred sex? Really? I mean I know people can react to the physical stimulation even during rape, but wouldn't that work with the women, too? As a matter of fact, I assume the men (or man, who knows) raped him anally whereas the women (and I'm sorry, typing this sentence is making me squeak again), in all likelihood, used him for vaginal sex which had to be a hell of a lot less painful; wouldn't he be more likely to have any sort of reaction to the wimminfolk?

Author, you could have just said "since the women needed my penis and the men did not".

THIS IS STUPID.


Quote :
I wasn’t there that long because my body began rejecting anything he was giving me. I had become violently sick and he thought I would die. So, not wanting me to die in his house, he dumped me in a field, thinking no one would find me.
No, of course. Because nobody would be looking for a missing rich boy, either, and bones never stick around for several years.
That said: At least he didn't make a daring escape, eh?

Quote :
What he didn’t know was, a barn down the road used the field. Two girls found me a few hours later and called an ambulance. Needless to say, I survived and the doctor was arrested. The rest of his family got away though.”
"So we have the main guy, and we know the other perps are his immediate family. Whoever could that be, though? IF ONLY WE HAD A LEAD."

Quote :
I always have the fear that it will happen again. I was so bad that I attempted to stab a few of the doctors. No one would see me, then a friend recommended Dr. Aden. He has helped me a lot, but I still have a lot of work before I’m completely fixed.”
Well, if you think neutering is going to help...

Quote :
nine months later my father got a call, it was a hospital somewhere upstate. They said that a woman came in; she was in labor and had died giving birth. She gave them my name and they called.
"Yeah so I've been on the run for the last nine months but there's totally no reason not to go to a hospital and give them my name, right? Oh, the baby? Yeah, the dad is this guy I totally raped. My dad, too. Here's his addy."

Quote :
“We tested our genetics, she’s mine through and through. It was bad for business though, the son of a very important man, having a child off of someone who raped him.
WHAT. How did that even... What.

Quote :
So the baby was sent to my aunts and we don’t talk about it.
What, were you bringing it to meetings before that? If the fact you were raped and fathered a child in the process* is bad for business, does it really make a difference what house the little brat craps her pants in?

*Does an erection fabricated by Viagra automatically cause pre-come? I mean, there had to be some of his sperm involved in this rapity rape fest, and he definitely wasn't getting aroused by those yucky women, yo.

Quote :
Since they wouldn’t allow me to see her I asked that every six months they sent me a picture of her along with a letter of how she was doing.”
Why the hell not? I mean if you are taking the baby into your family -which I don't think you are obligated to do, especially if it was conceived via rape, yeah?- you sorta need to make things as normal as possible so as not to fuck her up. If you don't want to do that, give her to adoptive parents who will give her a normal childhood.

Quote :
“You never tried to see her?” Connor asked.

“I did a few times, but they fought with me, locked me in the house till I gave up trying.”

BUT MY BABYYYYYY~~~~


Thus concludes the insight into Abia's Dramatic Past.



~Drama Galore Checklist:~

[X] Erectile Dysfunction FUCKING CHIP IN HIS PENIS
[X] Down on his luck enough to prostitute himself
=> Has to go hungry a lot
[X] Alcoholism in family
[X] High school drop-out due to poverty
[X] Child porn
=> sold by aunt
=> sold to aunt
[X] Sex contract, signed
[X] recovering alcoholic
=> from age six onwards
[X] drugged as a child
[X] violent father
[X] daughter
=>tragically never met her

=>conceived through rape
[X] massive doctor phobia
[X] kidnapped and group-raped for an unspecified amount of time
=>by someone he trusted
=>nearly died
=>drugged


I'm including the doctor phobia as a separate thing because that alone would make for a nice amount of drama, and can come about for no obvious reason.



So, yeah. Wow. Whew. Thank goodness that ride is over, eh? Oh, I know- let's hop onto the next one!


Quote :
“You would make a great father. You have a heart of gold. Any child would be thrilled to have you as a dad.”

“Then I would have to make you leave. I can’t raise a child and have a plaything living in the same house.” Abia sighed, he needed to get some work done and Connor was too much of a distraction.

“So then give me another title.”

“Like?”

“Your boyfriend.” Abia pulled away, staring wide-eyed at Connor.

Uh-oh


Quote :
“I won’t lie to her like that.”

“I wasn’t asking you to lie.” Connor grabbed the chair and dragged it back to him. “I’m making a suggestion.”

UH-OH

Also, in case it isn't clear (hint: IT ISN'T), Connor grabs Abia's chair and pulls it back towards himself. Took me a minute to work that one out.


Quote :
Abia pushed Connor away, glaring at him. “I do not have any such feelings for you and if you do, you should stop now. I will not let myself fall into such nonsense. Relationships are a waist of time and they are completely pointless.”
Wanted: Someone with the artistic talent to draw me a Waist Of Time.


Quote :
“So my feelings for you are pointless?” Abia cringed. Why was Connor doing this to him? Was this another game he was trying to play, only to pass it off later as it being part of his job?

“You are here for one thing and one thing only,” Abia turned to stare angrily at Connor. “I pay you to have sex with me
No, look, you don't. You really don't. Connor practically has to beg you to touch him at all. So maybe you're saying all that to protect yourself, but can you maybe, possibly, please find a better excuse?

Quote :
and that’s it. If you are suddenly falling in love with me, then you can pack your things and leave.” Abia saw the hurt in Connor’s eyes, felt his own heart ach at the words he said. He just turned and stormed from the room.
Cliffhangeeeeeeeeeeer~




~~~
GAFF Memorial Award For Unsexiest Sex Scene
goes to:

Quote :
Pressing his lips to Connor’s knee, Abia finished undressing the young man. Unable to contain his need to taste that hard skin, Abia reached up taking the stiff member in his hand, while his tongue lapped at the head.
Personally, I don't like hard skin, because it usually means either disease or mummification, but to each their own.
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Nov 17, 2011 10:11 am

Uh huh? Abia's backstory was... what?

Keep up the snark grmblfjx, this is the best I've seen in days.
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Nov 17, 2011 12:45 pm

Quote :
Wanted: Someone with the artistic talent to draw me a Waist Of Time.
A waist of time is quite obviously an hourglass figure.
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:18 pm

Azzandra wrote:
Quote :
Wanted: Someone with the artistic talent to draw me a Waist Of Time.
A waist of time is quite obviously an hourglass figure.

Or a watch belt.

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Quijotesca
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:54 pm

See, mpreg would've been less convoluted in a world where there are penis microchips. Razz
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Nov 17, 2011 8:20 pm

Penguin wrote:
Azzandra wrote:
Quote :
Wanted: Someone with the artistic talent to draw me a Waist Of Time.
A waist of time is quite obviously an hourglass figure.

Or a watch belt.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

See, you two did a better job than me. I was going to mention Time Lords.
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Reidmar
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Nov 17, 2011 9:18 pm

@ rabid: Heh.
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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Aug 09, 2012 2:50 pm

Sooo there's this thing. Remember this thing? Yeah.

A lot of time has passed (certainly enough to call it a necropost) and maybe stories don't need to be snarked in their entirety, so I have considered letting this die. But you know.... there is so much good stuff that we haven't even touched yet. That hasn't even been hinted at. So here goes a little more of the Less Than Epic Tale of Connor and Abia.


Re-cap:

Connor grew up with an alcoholic father and an aunt who would intoxicate him in order to whore him out. His mother "fought" that a lot, or a least a little, but I guess going to the police is too obscure an idea. As a result Connor struggled with alcoholism all throughout elementary school. None, or not much, the worse for wear, he acts like your standard virginal teenager later. He gets a blowjob from Abia once, presumably before someone, under mysterious circumstances, puts a chip in his penis that causes erectile dysfunction. The point of this remains unclear. He drops out of high school because they're poor. He is so poor, in fact, that he doesn't eat a full meal for several years, until he gets kidnapped hired by Abia as a boy toy. Neither of them will admit he remembers the other.

Abia grew up as an only child to a rich father (what Mom?!) and was kidnapped by his lifelong doctor and chained up in the basement for a while as fun for the whole family, somehow fathering a child in the process. This doesn't lead to being scared of men, or of people in general, but of doctors. I guess the doctor wore a lab coat and stethoscope not only during the kidnapping, but also the entire time he was held captive. Then his father dies, which came as a surprise, except to the guy's doctors. He keeps insisting that Connor is no more than a toy, except when he isn't. Connor is confused. We're with you, Connor.



Chapter nine starts with Connor beating himself up that he just randomly asked his employer if they can't be boyfriends instead. I get that, rejection is never fun. He looks for apartments on the internet because he can afford them now (which is always my train of thought right after I get fired) and finds one online and packs to leave. Because that's how apartment hunting works.

Abia suggests they can just pretend Connor never said that. Connor says no and leaves. Both are heartbroken.


Quote :
Abia watched the car drive away, disgusted with himself. He just stood there and said nothing, while Connor confessed his feelings. Why couldn’t he tell Connor, why couldn’t he say those words? He was just as heartless as anyone else.
That's not what heartless means, honey.



~Drama Galore Checklist:~

[X] Erectile Dysfunction FUCKING CHIP IN HIS PENIS
[X] Down on his luck enough to prostitute himself
=> Has to go hungry a lot
[X] Alcoholism in family
[X] High school drop-out due to poverty
[X] Child porn
=> sold by aunt
=> sold to aunt
[X] Sex contract, signed
[X] recovering alcoholic
=> from age six onwards
[X] drugged as a child
[X] violent father
[X] daughter
=>tragically never met her
=>conceived through rape
[X] massive doctor phobia
[X] kidnapped and group-raped for an unspecified amount of time
=>by someone he trusted
=>nearly died
=>drugged

[X] confession of love leads to break-up


Connor goes to the place, likes it, and signs. Then goes shopping for a bed with all this income he has now that he's unemployed. This author has never tried to rent a place, has she? Oh look and he finds a job at a fancy restaurant because they have a help wanted sign in the window which is what fancy restaurants do. Also they hire him within ten minutes. Where were they three months ago?!


Meanwhile, Dr. Aden shows up at Abia's house (sure) because he wanted to check on Connor (sure) and he just walks in on Abia because the guy doesn't have staff that would let him know or anything. Sure. And then he calls the guy an idiot for letting Connor leave. All my doctors are this personally invested in my relationships. Yours?


Quote :
“Abia, you were in love with him long before you met him at the club, even if you say that was the first time you met him. So, what was the reason you denied him the answer he was looking for?”

“He’ll be like the others.”

"Jordan was a spoiled brat who expected the world to be handed to him. I know that Connor would never turn out like that. Stop living in fear Abia and go after him.”
Standard doctor talk.

Problem is, Connor said to call if Abia changed his mind. Except he left his phone behind, so now Abia doesn't know how to find him. Because he doesn't know any private investigators or anything that have gone investigating into Connors private life before, or anything... But! There is one good thing to come out of all this heartbreak: Abia is going to take responsibility for his kid. He'll have her come live with him and finally be a father. And Dr. Aden is proud, because removing a five-year-old from her familiar surroundings and sending her to live with a stranger who doesn't know the first thing about her or kids in general is A-OK if that stranger is her Real DadTM!

So while Abia suffers and mopes, Connor meets Cole, who looks just like him in every way except he has a different eye color, or something. And while a long-lost twin brother would be an awesome addition to my Cliché Bingo card, I don't think he is. And it would have been super extra awesome, because they flirt. Sort of, Connor is kind of shit at it, after all. But they do go a date straight from work. It goes alright and they decide to have another date to see if they want another date after that. Why did I decide to get back into this? I'm bored.

But HAY YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S STILL THE SAME DAY HE MOVED OUT. He sure is efficient.



~~~
GAFF Memorial Award For I Don't Even Know What To Call This
goes to:

Quote :
the thought of seeing Cole again left a good feeling in Connor but his heart felt like it was being crushed.
Turned out the good feeling was just a fart.




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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Aug 09, 2012 4:24 pm

Oh hey I know I'll do another one while I'm at it. Because let's face it, the next time will probably be in March.


Chapter Ten!

Quote :
[a/n]I'm off today, which means [...] I'll probably have another chapter up later. [...] I want to get this story done, because once NaNoWriMo starts it will be all about that and I don't want to take a month off from this story.
You know, author, I'd be superawesomecool with you only posting every other month if that helped your writing.



Anyway, Abia goes to his aunt and uncle's house. They are also superawesomecool with the idea that the little girl they've been raising is going to go live with a relative they haven't seen in five years. Yay.


Quote :
If you’re asking if there is someone else in my life, no. I ruined that not long ago.” Abia looked down at his hands.

“You’re young, you make mistakes. If he loves you, he’ll come back.”

"...by 'ruined' I mean I was having a foursome in my car and when he saw us I accidentally stepped on the gas and ran him over. He's in a coma."

"Oh, he'll get over it."

THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNINFORMED CLICHÉ RESPONSE, AUNTIE. I MEAN IT.



Quote :
[Madalyn] would ask every year if you were coming to get her and every year we told her that she would have to wait, just a little longer.”

“I’m sure she hates me because I was never ready.”

“She’s a smart little girl, Abia, just like her father. She knew one day you would come, so she waited patiently.
And once she meets him and realizes that means leaving auntie's house and going with a stranger, she'll freak out, right? Right?


Quote :
Slowly she stepped towards him until they were toe to toe. She placed a tiny hand into the one on his lap, causing his heart to swell.

“I knew you would come for me, daddy.” Her quiet voice was like music. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he lifted her off the floor and into a hug.

...no. Okay.




So the next thing that happens is that it's a month later and Connor is getting a dog. And Cole is there and sort of bitter that Connor is still not ready to let their relationship move past the stage of a kiss on the cheek now and then, and Connor feels bad but just isn't ready. Don't get used to Cole, guys, he's a plot device, this isn't The Tale of How Connor Got A Normal Boyfriend, that's not enough drama to make for a story.


Also:

Quote :
“I don’t want to!” Madalyn shrieked causing Abia to cringe, she certainly had her mothers temper.

Whaaaaaaaaat. You're talking about (one of) your rapist(s), Abia. Did she frequently have temper tantrums on top of you? How the hell would you know what her personality was? Also how disconnected are you from your own story to just casually muse about the woman's personality? Fuck's sake.

Anyway the girl is having a moment, the temporary-nanny-to-teach-me-about-children compliments Abia on how well he handled it, Romeo the French cook pesters him about letting Connor leave. Apparently because Abia can't handle raising a child by himself, which is an awesome reason, and also because everyone knows Abia loves him, really.


Aaand we're back to Connor:

Quote :
[Cole] wrapped his arms around Connor’s waist, kissing the young man’s neck. Connor stiffened and wrenched away from Cole’s grasp. “Connor I’m just trying to show you how I feel. Why do you keep pushing me away?”

“I know and I’m sorry. I’m just not ready to do that with you.” Connor looked away feeling awkward.

“I’m not asking you to have sex. I just want to kiss you and hold you.” Cole sighed. “It’s late, I’m gonna go home. I’ll come by around one tomorrow and we can go to the park.”

Listen, Cole, the trick with Connor is that in between you have to tell him you don't want him to touch you. And keep telling him you don't have feelings for him, he's into that.

Also, what history of sexual abuse? If you don't want someone to touch you, it clearly means you're in love with someone else. That's the only reason ever. And yes, it could technically mean that he's just not ready to tell Cole about all that, and pretends it's all about someone else, but that's not what it is. The chapter ends with Connor whining about Abia. To the dog.



~~~
GAFF Memorial Award For Child-Rearing
goes to:

Quote :
"Who would have thought that a little girl could have such power?”

“That’s how they get you, they act all cute one minute and the next they are screaming till your ears bleed. I used to be just like Maddie. I’m surprised my parents never send me away, I was so bad.”

Because when children act like children, they need to be put in a home.

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Maximilia
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Aug 09, 2012 5:38 pm

Yay, I loved this!! :D
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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:57 pm

Ha, I'm glad.

Also now that I think about it, this:

Quote :
She’s a smart little girl, Abia, just like her father.

is making me laugh more than is strictly necessary.
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Mouse
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PostSubject: Re: Only A Job   Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:11 pm

As bad as this is, do you know how glad it makes me to read a fic where a guy has a kid and it didn't result from guy-on-guy action?

That's how low Badfic has reduced my standards. Crying or Very sad
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