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 The sheep's skin by snakehands

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PostSubject: The sheep's skin by snakehands   Sun Oct 30, 2011 9:08 pm

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Soooooo, since I do not want WD40 to make me look like a complete chump I am gonna snark a couple arguably Halloween-related fanfics. This one is for Invader Zim!! It has nothing to do with Halloween at all, but Zim did have at least one really good Halloween episode so close enough.

Admittedly the fic is not so much notably awful as it is every Zim/Dib fic ever. Now, I am a fan of foe yay and I understand why people like this pairing, but my goodness there is just no way to go about it that is not both terribly ooc and just straight-up weird as hell. And not weird as hell in a sexy way lemme tell ya. Anywho, I figure a nice weepy uke mpreg space epic is just what Halloween needs!

OK, so Dib is a douchey teenager and mugs a guy for weed money, then comes home and pisses off his sister by putting his dirty boots on the table. The fact this does not result in a beat down is our first clue the author does not really give a shit. Then the door bell rings! It is Zim! Zim was fired because he sucks and has come to Dib because.... umm...

Quote :
"Wait!" Zim begged in what seem to be desperation. "Irkens need a Tallest! I need a Tallest!" Zim stared up at him with wide, imploring eyes.
Wow, that sure sounds like a made-up thing. Anyways, Zim begs Dib to be his Tallest, because I guess that is how that works, and Dib says he will only do it if Zim does everything he says. The first order of business is to move into Zim's house because Dib hates his dad.

Zim's house is basically empty because the Tallest took everything but the actual house shell. Dib makes Zim rob a bunch of ATMs to furnish the house while getting plastered repeatedly. He also molests Zim because this is that kind of fic.

Things come to a head when Dib's dad announced during a press conference that the invention of super cheese is the proudest moment of his life. Being blatantly disregarded by his father is pretty typical for Dib, but he is a drunken jackass now so he tells Zim to make his dad pay before passing the fuck out. Or something.

So Zim single handedly destroys Professor Membrane's life work. When Dib finds out he is so overjoyed that he throws Zim on the bed and pounds him. Despite being pissed off by all of Dib's previous attentions and not being consulted in the sudden butt-sex now, Zim gets really into it. Later he refers to this one instance as the only sex he had with Dib that was consensual.

Quote :
Zim was very surprised when Dib kissed him deeply on the mouth and threw him onto his bed, climbing on top of him. He started tearing the little alien's, and then his own, clothes off; throwing the garments over his shoulder haphazardly. Zim gasped when Dib grabbed his legs and slung them over his shoulders, leaning over his smaller form and positioning his hard dick at Zim's entrance.

"Wait!" Zim squeaked. It was happening so fast that Zim was reeling, but then he felt Dib penetrate him vigorously and to his surprise it felt . . . really good.

Consensual!

The next morning Dib decides that Zim has to dress like a girl from now on. That and wear a new wig.

Quote :
He boldly put the wig down on Zim's head and straightened out some locks that were out of place. "At first I was going to get a blonde one but then I thought people may think you are dumb and I don't date dumb girls."
Hunnn, I think I will let that one stand.

Later the same day The Resisty blows up Zim's home and tries to kill him. Dib talks them down by telling him that Zim is now his slave, and slavery is totes OK! Dib joins The Resisty because he likes space and away they go!!

Everyone hates Zim because they hate Irkens, except for their leader LardNar, a short little guy who looks like a goat wearing goggles. He sneaks into Dib/ Zim's room every day after Dib finishes mouth-raping Zim to tell Zim that he deserves better. Being the leader of The Resisty and the captain of the ship, LardNar naturally does nothing about the guy he like being sexually and emotionally abused on a continuing basis.

Oh, and then Zim get knocked up because this is that kind of fic. Dib decides he does not really want to be Zim's baby daddy and orders Zim to abort it.

Quote :
"That THING is an abomination! A mixture of Human and Irken . . . it's disgusting. It's a monster! Abort it now!" Dib yelled in Zim's face. He shook Zim by the shoulders, losing himself to panic. "Abort it!" Dib was screaming as he snatched at Zim's pants, trying to pull them down. Zim kicked at Dib's hands. "Stop fighting! Open your legs!"
Pretty sure that is not how abortions work, Dib!

Soooo, Zim knocks Dib the fuck out and goes running for his new goat-boy crush.
Quote :
Zim shut his eyes tightly when he felt LardNar stir and reach toward him, knowing that he would be pushed out of his bed. But that didn't happen - instead LardNar's arm curled around Zim's body, pulling him in close. He had overheard everything.
Awww, that is sooo- wait, why the fuck did you not do something about it?! Are you the captain of this ship or not?!

Urgh, the fuck ever.
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PostSubject: Re: The sheep's skin by snakehands   Mon Oct 31, 2011 4:53 am

The only reason Membrane never got rid of Zim is because he, like everyone else on Earth, is completely oblivious. Most notably, on the one time he interfered (indirectly), Zim's house was torn apart in seconds. And now this fic's telling me that Zim, without his technology, beat the guy who invented free energy in his spare time?
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