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 Shrek/Shadow

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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Shrek/Shadow   Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:50 pm

The Legend Of Shadow and Shrek

When I saw the link to this in TV Tropes, because the description was simply Shadow/Shrek, I thought, "No, there's other characters called Shadow, right? It's gotta be one of the human ones, not the one I've got handcuffed in my avatar. Right? RIGHT?!"

And then I said, "HOOBA JOOBA WHAAAAA?!"

And then I said, "OH MY GOD OH MY SHITTY DEATH-FILLED GOD PLEASE NO!!!!! My soul! My precious, precious soul! Oh, what's it going to fetch on the open market now?!"

And just in case there's any doubts, any doubts at all of whether the author knew what they were doing, there are pictures.

Sometimes Crack pairings just go WAY TOO FAR. Sometimes the idea that you can find anything on the Internet is so horribly true that you spend the rest of the night crying alone into your pillow. Moreso than usual.

Okay, so it's not hardcore porn, but I went, "YOU FUCKING SAY WHAT?! WHY, GOD? WHY?!?!?!?!?!" just the same. And since it's here, regardless of quality, lack of porn, and its short size, I gotta snark it.

Quote :
One day, Shadow the Hedgehog was sitting under a tree petting Donkey who was taking a nap.

Right, not too bad a start. Admittedly the author has no idea how to use the enter key or any sense of punctuation but the author can spell...

Quote :
Then, he saw someone on the path. It was Shrek the Ogre.

To be honest, I think I'd actually prefer it if it was written by an imbecile who couldn't spell. Then it would look like it was a Trollfic, and not serious.

Quote :
Shrek stopped and looked up at the sky. He then heard someone say, “Shrek!” He turned around and saw Shadow panting for breath.

Wait, Shadow? My Shadow? Panting for breath? How fast can that ogre run? I was wrong; the fic is bad after all.

Quote :
Shadow said, “What were you thinking about leaving?! You can’t leave us!” His eyes began to fill with tears as he said, “Please Shrek, don’t leave. I wouldn’t know what to do without you. Shrek, I didn’t mean to lie to you. I was only saying those things to protect Fiona and all of the others from dire peril.”

And he's CRYING?! Over somebody who isn't Maria? Or me? Wait, the author is suggesting there's MORE of these fics? No, I don't think so because TV Tropes would link to them instead of this one and I don't see it on the site. So what did he say? What did he lie about? Oh god, we're left to imagine. And I can imagine some pretty awful stuff...

Quote :
Tears ran down on Shadow’s cheeks as he said, “I don’t want to lose you because you’re my friend. Because you’re always by my side and because…because…”

Because you're an ogre-shaped Chaos Emerald? The part ends there, but there's two more parts. Damn this thing is short but I'm already in SO MUCH PAIN. So moving on to part 2....

Quote :
Shadow said, “Because you mean alot to me! You’re my best buddy ever! But when you went mad and tried to hurt me, it broke my heart. It’s like a side of you that I’ve never seen before. I thought that I’m never going to see the old sweet-hearted Shrek again. But, throughout the years of my life, I never did anything to make you angry. I never lied, Shrek.” He fell on his knees as he screamed, “I NEVER LIED!!! YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME THAT I NEVER LIED!!!” He cried his eyes out. He yelled out, “Please forgive me, Shrek the Ogre!”

The whole of part 2. I think the author put more effort into those nifty drawing that confirm hell yes, this is MY Shadow we're talking about, than the story. I know it's clean and child friendly and all that but oh GOD that somehow makes it more unbearable. And what the hell did he lie about?! What the hell did he say to make Shrek so upset?

And besides, I thought Puss and Donkey were Shrek's best friends while Shadow's was a homocidal robot who likes setting stuff on fire. Live and learn, I guess. On to Part 3!

Quote :
Shadow kept on crying softly. He then felt something wrap around his neck.


My hands throttling him for choosing an ogre over me?

Quote :
He looked down and saw a necklace with a medium-sized blue gem in the middle. He stared at the necklace and turned around to see Shrek kneeling on the ground and smiling. Shrek said, “I forgive you, lad…I always have.” Shadow gasped and said softly, “Shrek…” He then jumped on Shrek and hugged him, crying his eyes out. Shrek hugged him back and patted the back of his head. Shadow said between sobs, “Shrek, I knew you would always forgive me.” Shrek chuckled.

FOR WHAT, DAMMIT?! And you didn't act like you knew he'd forgive you at the start...

It's not porn but it makes me go, "WHY GOD? WHY?!" And so it belongs here. Jesus Christ Almighty, what the HELL?! You know that look you use? That, "You WHAAAAAAA?!" look? I think it may be permanently grafted to my face. I don't CARE that it says "Not a pairing" in the tags; what the hell else am I supposed to see it as with dialogue like that?!

What kind of freak writes this sort of pairing?! I'm off to pick up the blindfold and handcuffs from my mate's and give Shadow a damn good going over until he admits EVERYTHING.

Pictures are kinda nice though...
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Howithurts
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PostSubject: Re: Shrek/Shadow   Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:52 pm

Isn't this the kind of thing you fap to?
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Re: Shrek/Shadow   Tue Oct 18, 2011 10:29 pm

NO!

I only fap to regular weird stuff, like gang rape and Scourge on Sonic rape.

No, I kid. Just the gang rape. The Scourge on Sonic got crap when Sonic started enjoying it.
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EileenK98
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PostSubject: Re: Shrek/Shadow   Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:45 pm

It feels to me like the second part of something. Or the middle volume of a trilogy. Something's missing. The art's not too great, but it didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out.
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Seule
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PostSubject: Re: Shrek/Shadow   Wed Oct 19, 2011 5:58 pm

I'm pretty sure this is a joke. I've seen that drawing bashing around the *chans for a while now, for example.
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