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 Sheldon's DOOOOOOM-COCK!

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TheIan
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PostSubject: Sheldon's DOOOOOOM-COCK!   Wed Oct 05, 2011 1:54 pm

Just like some sick pervert to ruin all that is good, [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] happens to take The Big Bang Theory and [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]!

How bad, you ask? Well... check out the summary for yourself...

Quote :
Sheldon Fucks Penny HARD. Sheldon invents a pill that makes him cum gallons. LEMONS BEWARE
Oh yeah. If that isn't a warning sign, I don't know what is.

Quote :
When Sheldon gets fired he decides to work on a pill. For lots of cum.
This first sentence and a half is kind of hilarious in just being so straightforward bad.

But this makes you wonder. Why doesn't Sheldon make a pill to cure cancer? Or Republican stupidity? How about a drug that makes Uwe Boll not suck? Wait, that's terminal.

Sheldon clearly isn't coping well with unemployment, and Leonard, Howard and Raj are all seemingly useless, so it falls to Penny to comfort him.

Quote :
She opened the door to Sheldon's room to reveal himself in the fetal position.

"Sweetie"?

Sheldon looked over to the door to see Penny standing there. "I am not in the mood for a speech".

She just rolled her eyes, "No Sheldon I just wanted to check on you. Everyone's worried about you and I know you want to go to work".

He looked at her with narrowed eyes, "No I don't. I just want to do some experiments on my own but I've come to a wall. A scientist block if you will and I'm stumped".
That isn't the hilariously pretentious Sheldon I know and love from Big Bang Theory. Who the hell did you get to play Sheldon, Author, [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]?

That doesn't discourage Penny from trying to support him with lame exposition, though.

Quote :
Penny just clutched her head, "You've made eggs and glowing fish the only thing left is a pill".
Wow author, Sheldon cooking breakfast and irradiating a fish actually sounds more entertaining than creating a pill that turns your dick into a high-powered Super Soaker.

For plot convenience, Sheldon found on Amazon a portable medicinal laboratory and began experimenting. His findings, to say the least, are kind of funny, but you can question the results for yourself...

Quote :
Experiment 1: Pill made me feel good but had an addictive side effect. My eye sight did get better and everything moves faster.

Experiment 2: Pill tasted like strawberries and didn't have any effects until 4:04. I then started to see things that weren't there I think it's because of my brain was dreaming.

Experiment 3: I ran out of a majority of pill ingredients. I used some around the house but mostly blue diamond's I found in Leonard's room. I am feeling...
Experiment 4: I feel fantastic!
And I never felt as good as how I do right now
Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
When I felt the way
That I do right now, right now, right now!

And now, the porn prologue.
Quote :
Penny was in the middle of fingering herself when rapid knocking alerted her someone was at her door. "Penny". She just growled in annoyance the whack a doodle messed up her alone time.

She answered the door looking down since her face was still red. "What do you…holy shit"! She was greeted with the sight of a very big tent in Sheldon's pants.
PFFFFFFFT
OK, I will credit the author, that last sentence was awfully funny.

But of course, Sheldon panics because he's never been turned on before (I debate that, since he works with Amy and those two obviously have the hots for each other...) and Penny schools him in having the sexings.

Quote :
"I'm going to release the pressure trust me". He stopped struggling as she pulled down his pants followed by his dc comic underwear. His cock slapped her in the chin which made her panties flood.

She looked at his cock with amazement it was probably 10 inches, very wide and it was shaven and looked so soft. She couldn't even get a hand around it.

Sheldon groaned as her hand made contact. "Oh god Penny". She smiled liking the reaction. "Since this is your first time you can fuck me as hard as you want".
I'd put a witty remark here of Sheldon replying, but being still kind of new to the whole series, I don't know his personality fully.

And now the porn...

Quote :
Steeling herself Penny opened her mouth as wide as she could, barely fitting the head in. She nearly dislocated her jaw getting it in, but she managed it eventually and she had to admit Sheldon's cock tasted amazing.
This is going to really come down to a "You get a drink from the firehose! Open wide!" joke, but I'll have some restraint.

Quote :
Sheldon, meanwhile, was using all his will power to not blow his load at the sight of Penny's lips stretched so far around his dick. Just the mere sight her tits jiggling with each bob of her head was stimulating enough to make him blow with time, but the feeling of her hot wet mouth was something else entirely, and he knew he wouldn't last long.
Neither will my Constitution check. Hang on.
[Rolls D20.]
16 plus my +3 Constitution mod...yeah, I pass it. Just barely.

Quote :
"Oh my god, that feels so good Penny. Your fellatio is amazing, but I wonder how your throat would feel... I hope you don't mind." Not even waiting for any kind of response Sheldon's hold on Penny's head strengthened as he pulled her forward while he pushed his hips forward, driving his cock partially down her throat. Caught off guard, Penny started choking on Sheldon's meat. Her eyes widening and watered as she felt her throat stretch to accommodate the girthy intruder. Penny knew she told him he could fuck her as hard as he wanted to, but did he have to shove eight inches of man-meat down her throat nearly instantly?
The Big Theory: where the porn is so stupid it defies the Laws of Physics.

This blowjob goes for a while, so I'm gonna skip to the rest of the raunchy stuff.

Quote :
"So Penny wants to get knocked out, huh? Who would have thought?" Sheldon ground his cock against Penny's clit, causing her to moan. "Well I aim to please so I'll knock you up sooner or later. But for right now I'll just focus on fucking you silly."
This is not the Sheldon I know anymore. This Sheldon is now a man...with a doom cock.

And with his doom-cock, he fucks Penny against a text-wall.
Quote :
Penny found herself lifted up higher as Sheldon pressed the head of his huge cock against her soaking wet cunt. She bit her lower lip as Sheldon began to force his cock into her tight pussy; at first Penny was very skeptical he'd be able to even get the head into her that is until he thrust upwards with one quick jerk of his hips while he was pushing her down. The waitress let out a short scream as she was stretched further than she ever thought possible as his cock head punched upwards into her cunt, along with several inches of his shaft. Getting a tighter grip on Penny's hips Sheldon began to fuck his cock upwards as she starting moaning in pleasure. Lifting the blonde up until only the head of his cock remained in her Sheldon smirked in anticipation at the reaction she'd have for what was to come next.
Chapter's over, I'm done.

No, it's not. You didn't think I would walk out on a boning like this and leave you all hanging, did you? No, no, it gets a lot worse.

Quote :
"F-f-fuck, so….so big." Penny barely gasped out as Sheldon ground his cock all the way in her pussy. Looking down at where the two neighbors where joined Penny gasped as she saw a long bulge showing through her tight skin. "That's so fucking hot; I can see your cock outlined in my stomach." She said, dazed.
See, THIS is why we need a spittake emoticon!

Fuck, not even YouTube has anything fitting.

There's another text-wall of fucking, which at this point is starting to make my eyes bleed, which I'll skip because you're all probably still reeling from the rest of this shit, so I'll end it on this.
Quote :
Sheldon was spent and immediately hit the floor in exhaustion. His mind was becoming clearer as his body cleared the drug from his system. He looked at Penny and saw her covered in his semen. He smiled this was an unexpected outcome to his experiment but a good kind. "Penny can we do this again"?
"Only if the author hasn't driven away his audience at this point."

And it ends with Sheldon and Penny cuddling.
Quote :
elaborated. "Most men's cum is bitter and a shot glass at most. Yours is sweet and cums in gallons".

Sheldon just sighed, "Okay I guess its fine and that's from the pill. So does this mean we are together"?

She shrugged, "If you want I was thinking about Leonard but he's been so whiny lately".

"Leonard is always moody but it mostly happens around you".

She scoffed, "He is like a child while you're too evolved for your own good". They both laughed and fell asleep in each other's arms.

End
I'm going to go throw up now, take a cold shower, and probably watch Kamen Rider OOO to erase this from my mind...

Quote :
Chapter 2
FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


Last edited by TheIan on Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:04 am; edited 3 times in total
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KJM
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PostSubject: Re: Sheldon's DOOOOOOM-COCK!   Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:56 pm

You might want to fix your link.
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http://kennethmrrw502.blogspot.com/
TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Sheldon's DOOOOOOM-COCK!   Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:06 pm

Thanks for noticing that.
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PostSubject: Re: Sheldon's DOOOOOOM-COCK!   Thu Oct 06, 2011 2:33 am

Oh my God, I'm dying with laughter. Thank you so much for finding this. XD

The second chapter reads like it was written by an ESL author, while I didn't really notice it in the first chapter. A case of one-handed typing?
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PostSubject: Re: Sheldon's DOOOOOOM-COCK!   Thu Oct 06, 2011 6:39 am

Most english fanfics ARE ESL people... with text-speak being their first
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PostSubject: Re: Sheldon's DOOOOOOM-COCK!   Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:39 am

Quote :
"Great idea Penny I have no medical background but I'm a genius. I will invent the best pill ever".
The Best Pill Ever.

BRB LOLing forever.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Sheldon's DOOOOOOM-COCK!   Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:34 pm

Well, here I go, diving into chapter 2.

Quote :
Penny was tired after her shift at the cheesecake factory; all she wanted to do was relax.
Cheesecake. Factory. I see what you did there, author. Because it's a porno.

Anyway, Penny comes home from [job position duty disguised as another witty innuendo for porn here] to something she might not be ready for...
Quote :
She was barely through the door and already knew something was wrong. Her apartment looked clean.
But it still smelled like sex, sweat, shame and awful writing.

Quote :
She left it messy when she left for work meaning whack a doodle was in here.
An arcade game that cleans your apartment while you're gone? I totally want one!

Then it gets creepy...

Quote :
Penny threw her jacket on the couch and made her way to her room. She was planning on putting on some sweat pants but didn't plan on Sheldon waiting for her.
Neither was I.

The only other thing you wouldn't expect from this story is The Spanish Inquisition! vapid dialogue.
Quote :
Penny shook him a little only to hear him groan in annoyance. "Sheldon"!

Sheldon woke with a start and saw Penny standing over him. "Oh…hey Penny. I know this looks out of the ordinary but let me explain".

Penny just sighed, "Sheldon I don't care. I'm very tired and all I want to do is relax".

Sheldon smiled, "Perfect sit here so I can give you a massage while you tell me about your day".
Something about this just doesn't sit right with me. Oh, that's what it is! Sheldon's out of character!

But all of this just padding before...You guessed it! Because as we all know...


Quote :
Sheldon never felt this way…horny. His primal urges were telling him to mate with Penny and mate hard. There were thousands of positions and pictures rushing though his head.
So that's what you have on your laptop! Sheldon, you hound!

Padding, padding, padding, porn!
Quote :
Enough with the game teased each other, since she took notice the cock inside the boxers throbbed as her hand simulated it outside. Penny instantly appeared on her knees and grabbed the waistband of his batman boxers, deciding to put what his name out of her mind. When she pulled them off, she was caught off guard as his dick nearly smacked her chin, stunning her a bit.

When she looked at her prize, her jaw dropped as she inspected the mammoth flesh pole that was this Sheldon's cock. She knew that it was big but not this big. She drooled at the sight of it she has never been with a guy so big. She used to have a dildo that big but that was a while ago.

'Holy crap on a cracker, it is at least 9" long!'
Funny you say that, Penny, considering how surprised you were when you saw it last chapter.

Quote :
Faster than anything, her two hands were wrapped around his girth, absentmindedly noticing with lustful glee that her fingers couldn't wrap around his dick completely nor could she cover his cock with both hands. She swiftly started to give Sheldon the best dammed hand job he had ever received, her silky hands doing wonders as they tugged, pumped, and twisted it. Sheldon finally started to let out a moan which finally satisfied Penny.

"I am starting to feel thirsty already." Penny said. "Sheldon I'm going to suck your dick and while I do I want you to tell me how you want to fuck me and what fantasies you have. Tell me as dirty as possible or I'll stop".

The blonde opened her mouth wide and quickly devoured half of it, her saliva coating his dick as her tongue scrapped against the underside. Her cheeks were sucked in as she gave a loud slurp, drinking the heavy amounts of pre-cum that monster cock was releasing. Her lids fluttered as the taste of his manhood overwhelmed her taste buds as her pussy had wet further from the last grinding and teasing the womb.
It's like a game sequel! After you beat the first, you have to gather the same items and abilities as before!

Quote :
"Uhmmm!" Stud gasped, holding her hair tightly. "Your mouth is so warm, you're incredible Penny."
When the hell did this become a threesome?

Never mind that, time for a 69.
Quote :
Her thought was cut off as now she felt her body was flipped into 69 positions. Then the stud started to simulate her cunt. First her pussy lips were spread with his fingers as his tongue poke inside of her pussy and tasting her, as his fingers started to play with the clitoris. The warmed tongue started from her clitoris went together with the finger played inside. Then enough with the wetness at the cunt as it started to leak more and more, he switched to tongue take care of Penny's clitoris while the fingers were instead in the cunt and played. Less than one or two second, the hot of his finger and with skilled tongue Penny felt the pleasure approached.
It's been noted before this all feels like it was it was written one-handed, and I don't doubt them.

MOOOOORE POOOORRRRRN!
Quote :
While on top of him, Penny quickly had straddled him like a cowgirl and gripped his cock, aiming it up at her now naked pussy. She lowered her hips on it, taking the thick manhood in. She sighed in relief, exhaling softly as it pierced her pussy and forced its way into her folds. But it seemed like Sheldon would not give her pussy any more time to adjust the side and his arm gripped her side as forced her body down while he thrust his hips up. This action completely hit Penny's cervix initiating her orgasm. Abruptly her walls clamped down on his cock, trying vigorously to milk his seed.

'He made me cum again.' Penny moaned as the pleasure shocking through her body. However, her partner was not yet cum and with this tightness, Sheldon thrust up as hard as he can, making her jump up with the movement of his hips and thighs. He flexed his ass in order to thrust harder as she moaned out as the pleasure started against. He suddenly grabbed her breast as leverage, pounding up as hard as he could; she started to jump with his thrusts. Every hit, the cock-head hitting her cervix and he heard Penny's moans and screamed fill the room.
You all get the idea as to how this all goes.

They play with a toy, they spoon, blah, blah, blah, ah, here's the end!:
Quote :
Penny reached down and started to play with her clit so she could cum with Sheldon. "Here I cum Penny". He came deep in her bowels triggering Penny's orgasm.

When Penny's insides were done spasming he pulled out. "God Penny I love you".

She felt the cum drip out of her abused asshole but it was quickly washed away. "Sheldon that was amazing".

When they got dressed Sheldon kissed Penny. "We can tell the others tonight". She smiled as he walked out of her apartment.

This was going to be a good relationship. They were very different but it worked.

End
And that's it. That's all there is.

Oh god, my brain, owowowowow...

So what did this story accomplish? Absolutely fucking nothing. Sheldon's drug works fine, Penny gets fucked a few times, what's worst about this whole thing, IS THERE IS NO POINT TO THIS STORY!
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