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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Tue Oct 11, 2011 8:18 am

fapfapfap wrote:
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No need to buy another Cosmo mag ever again! Excitedplz

OH GOD RAGE SPIKING



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Lol, tell me Rice does a better job?
Not from what I've heard (vampires aren't my thing and after everything I've heard I see little reason to give her a try). I'm not excluding, ahem, "professional" fiction or even the original lore, here- the whole concept of "undead" has so many plot holes that it would be shot down mercilessly if someone just came up with it now.
Maybe it is possible to find at least semi-plausible explanations for your story, but I have yet to see it.
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Tue Oct 11, 2011 8:25 am

grmblfjx wrote:
fapfapfap wrote:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
No need to buy another Cosmo mag ever again! Excitedplz

OH GOD RAGE SPIKING

Quote :
Lol, tell me Rice does a better job?
Not from what I've heard (vampires aren't my thing and after everything I've heard I see little reason to give her a try). I'm not excluding, ahem, "professional" fiction or even the original lore, here- the whole concept of "undead" has so many plot holes that it would be shot down mercilessly if someone just came up with it now.
Maybe it is possible to find at least semi-plausible explanations for your story, but I have yet to see it.

How about just magic boners? No faux science necessary, especially since magic has become such a huge part of the "lore" anyway. Since most vampires can apparently shape-shift too, why not just cut the crap and say "Alright, their libido is magic. Oh, and his balls haven't been working for the past 300 years, so that's not actually spooge; it's a combination of fairy dust and victims' blood." See how easy and painless that was?

And IT'S OKAY BECAUSE THE BLOGGER GAL RAGES FOR YOU and mmmm catharsis...
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Maximilia
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Tue Oct 11, 2011 9:24 am

fapfapfap wrote:
grmblfjx wrote:
fapfapfap wrote:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
No need to buy another Cosmo mag ever again! Excitedplz

OH GOD RAGE SPIKING

Quote :
Lol, tell me Rice does a better job?
Not from what I've heard (vampires aren't my thing and after everything I've heard I see little reason to give her a try). I'm not excluding, ahem, "professional" fiction or even the original lore, here- the whole concept of "undead" has so many plot holes that it would be shot down mercilessly if someone just came up with it now.
Maybe it is possible to find at least semi-plausible explanations for your story, but I have yet to see it.

How about just magic boners? No faux science necessary, especially since magic has become such a huge part of the "lore" anyway. Since most vampires can apparently shape-shift too, why not just cut the crap and say "Alright, their libido is magic. Oh, and his balls haven't been working for the past 300 years, so that's not actually spooge; it's a combination of fairy dust and victims' blood." See how easy and painless that was?

And IT'S OKAY BECAUSE THE BLOGGER GAL RAGES FOR YOU and mmmm catharsis...

Anne Rice's vampires don't have magic boners. Drinking blood takes the place of sex for them, and oftentimes...it's really not sexy. Vampire: the Masquerade (RPG) years ago had the explanation that once a vampire imbibes teh magickz blud they could manipulate it in their body with concentration... ie, they could make the blood rise to the surface of their skin to make them feel warmer and appear more human (ie, blush in the cheeks) and to give them the magic boner. Or magic lube in the case of a woman.

EDIT: OMFG I'm reading that blog and it's hysterical. Thanks for the link!
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Eeveegou
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Wed Oct 12, 2011 12:21 am

My first and final experience with the whole vampire (sp?) thing was when my mom had me watch Interview with a Vampire when I was 9. I got so distressed by Brad Pitt's character and his situation/moral dilemmas that I decided vampires were too stressful for me to want to deal with ever again.
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:13 pm

Quote :
Roxanne is a vampire...but she's not your usual vampire, she's one who can eat normal food and walk in the sunlight.

Ah. So she's NOT ACTUALLY a vampire.

Ah, a Scottish vampire. A Scottish vampire in America.

Why? Why Scottish? I bet there's never a reason besides writing out an accent...

Also, Transformers aren't supposed to understand human biology. I mean, hardly even slightly.
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Sat Oct 22, 2011 12:37 pm

Okay, let's wrap up this final penned chapter and hope the author doesn't abandon it... I really want to see the final climactic fight scene between Ironhide and that goth kid with a stick.

---

BUT JUST ONE MORE QUOTE FROM THEIR ROLEPLAY FIRST
Quote :
He activated his holoform and unbound my hands, he then stood in front of me and I grabbed his servos and held them, palm up in front of him...I then held mine, palm down ontop of his.

"I Emmanuelle, princess of Spiritua offer my guardianship to Megatron, lord high protector of Cybertron. To protect him and serve him with whatever he desires...I shall now bind this offer with my blood and with the blood of the one who I am offering my guardianship to…by the powers invested in myself and the great goddess Spiritua, I grant you my guardianship, from now until either you expire, or you tell me otherwise" I said.

He chuckled as I said it.

"Good femme, and I shall let your canine friend live" he said.

---

Chapter 6: IRONHIDE AND ROXIE
aka
Chatper 6: BORING AS FUCK

Quote :
She spotted Will wandering around in circles and watched him for a moment.

Because.... what?

She tells him to stop, so he does.

Quote :
"Yer bleedin'" she stated.

Will took his thumb out of his mouth and looked at his nail. Indeed, he was bleeding.
Quote :
"Thanks. I'll just go put a plaster on this" he said.

Roxanne rolled her eyes, walked over to him, took his thumb in her hand and put it in her mouth. When she brought it out, both could see no blood and Roxanne looked at him.
Quote :
"Vampire spit 'as properties that helps the blood clot. That's why we can drink from humans an' not kill 'em" she whispered.

Lemme get this straight:

1. Vampire saliva has procoagulant activity higher than that of a human's.
2. This blood-clotting agent enables them to drink from a human without killing them.
3. The story indicates that this procoagulant effect could stop a hangnail from bleeding in a matter of seconds.
4. Vampires, however, do not feed on hangnails, but rather larger blood vessels, like arteries.
5. I am not aware of any medical literature outlining that it is possible to close a deep puncture wound involving an artery with anything short of super glue, sutures, or both.
6. Having your mouth inadvertently close up a perfectly good feeding spot with the strength of medical-grade closures in a matter of seconds would seem, to me, to make eating problematic.
7. Animals that feed on blood in the real world, like vampire bats and mosquitoes, have anti-coagulant agents in their saliva.
8. So they can get enough to eat at mealtime.
9. So they don't die.

Maybe it's just me being ignorant of vampire mythology again, but that whole thing just seems ludicrous. If your saliva has the ability to make your food inedible like that, what the sense does that even make? The whole point of vampires is that they kill people to drink from them, and the times that they elect not to, or the ones that don't like to kill, have something going on psychologically that makes them different from other vampires, and worthy of writing stories about. Having that safety net built into every single one of them defeats the whole goddamn purpose, or so I would think. And I mean, there are plenty of ways to get blood out of a human non-lethally without this clotting crap too. Remember that time the cat scratched you really bad? Or when you got blood drawn at the doctor's office? Or when your best friend stuck a stick in the spokes of your bike's front tire for kicks while you were riding past them? Or the time you cut your wrists so you'd have an excuse to go visit that hot counselor back in high school?

NEWSFLASH: IT'S POSSIBLE TO BLEED QUITE A BIT WITHOUT DYING.

Erhem. Anyways, yeah, wow. These blood-sucking, vampire-angst scenes between Roxie and Lennox are seriously starting to feel like softcore porn. (I DO know enough about vampire mythology that depictions of blood-drinking is always treated like porn, no exceptions.)

So Ironhide pops in, and tells Main Character that she has to get in so he can drive her to a secluded place someplace on this... atoll... and molest talk to her.

Quote :
Once they were far enough from the hangar, Ironhide stopped and they sat on a hill overlooking a beautiful scene.

"I don't actually know what it looks like in this place where they are. :D"

Quote :
"So what did ye wanna talk about?" She asked.

She felt a tingle over her body and looked around.

"What's that?" She questioned.

Ironhide activated his holoform and looked at her.

"It was a scan..." he said.

Now these kinds of things happen a lot in sexual-tension-fueled TF fics where the budding romance happens between a human and a robut. I mean, if a TSA agent does the same thing at the airport, we respond with outrage and lawsuits, but if an Autobot (or I guess, Brad Pitt by extension too) does it, it's suddenly sexy and okay.

Quote :
She shrugged and opened the door, getting out and inhaling the air, picking up all the different scents. The smell of the water a few miles away, the scent of the trees just across from her, the scent of the flowers and the chlorophyll in the grass.

"I don't actually know what atolls are too, so just ignore the fact that I have no clue as to what their typical geography is :3"
"Also ignore the fact that I claim to be British and am using imperial measurements."

Quote :
"Are your Parental units still functioning?" He asked.

Roxanne looked down and shook her head.

"No...they-they died a long time ago" she said.

Ironhide nodded. He knew the loss of someone close to him. Jazz was his best friend.

You're a ten bagillion year old war veteran, but you only remember one person dying. Then again, nobody really does die in Transformers lore. Trollface

Cue lots of really boring dialogue about Ironhide asking her more about them, and what her old "boyfriend" was like and what happened. Because we need to be reminded about it already. The scene ends when she gets hungry.

Quote :
Roxanne smiled up at him and then she felt her jaw ache. She was getting hungry.

Is this honestly the only way Vampirererererererex437 knows how to switch scenes? And didn't she fucking eat up Lennox's wrist not an hour before anyways? Jesus Christ.

Quote :
"Can yeh take me to town please?" She asked.

Ironhide nodded and transformed. He opened his door and Roxanne got in. Ironhide took her to the town and she went into the butchers. He didn't see what she ordered, but when she came out, she had a brown bag with something in it.

"What is that?" He asked.

Roxanne looked into the bag and smiled.

"Oh it's nothing. Food" she said.

Ironhide huffed and drove them back to the base in Diego Garcia.

"I don't actually know a single thing about Diego Garcia/this place that they're at too, but shhh I don't want anyone to know."

CUT to her stuffing her face with a seemingly bottomless brown bag of butcher shop blood, when Optimus randomly decides to come out and hassle her. It makes me wonder what exactly they do in that hangar all day... judging by the descriptions, they just stand around and stare at the ground, it seems like, until somebody remembers Roxie exists whereupon they go find out what she's doing because she's so interesting and mysterious.

Quote :
"Roxanne, are you bleeding?" He questioned.

This was getting annoying. She growled, a deep feral growl that had Optimus taking a step back, and looking at her, strangely.

"Roxanne?" He asked.

She growled again, he was interrupting her meal, and she was getting pissy about it.

I guess she forgets to use her words voice when she's hungry.

Quote :
This time Will came out of the base and told Optimus a little lie, saying Ratchet wanted him for something, Roxanne shot around at his voice and looked at him, a feral glint in her eyes. Will knew to leave her alone when feeding, and as much as he didn't want to, he did what she'd told him to do, if she was ever like this. He backed away, slowly, keeping his head low, in a sign of submission, and when he reached the entrance to the base he walked inside.

Okay, the literal vampires turning into feral, mindless monsters when they're hungry has always struck me as being something stupidly hilarious, and this just takes the cake. I'm surprised he didn't open up his jacket to make himself look bigger and make a bunch of noise as he backed away, too.

More dumb shit, and then we get a little reminder that this story has something vaguely resembling an antagonist:

Quote :
Johnny walked around outside. There had been no sign of Roxanne in the last few days. No mysterious people going into hospital with animal bites, no mysterious blood drained bodies.

"The bitch...she's fucking up and left. I swear on my life Roxanne Jones...I will find you, and I will kill you" he said.

LOOK OUT, GUISE
KID IS OUT OF CONTROL

What is he going to do, hitchhike to Diego Garcia?
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Sat Oct 22, 2011 2:42 pm

Re: Coagulant Spit;

I remember reading somewhere about a vampire with just that (coagulant spit, that is). But that particular vamp had hollow fangs and sucked blood directly through them. IIRC, it also had minor healing qualities, so that a victim's bite marks could only be seen up close.

Still fanwanky, but "makes sense in the story's context" wanky.
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Wed Sep 19, 2012 8:19 pm

ARISE THREAD ARISE.

From the "Forgotten I had this on my hard drive" files. I give you the first three chapters of Unbreak My Spark, MSTed.

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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:12 am

Since someone else brought the thread back to life....

WHY IS THIS PSYCHO STILL DRINKING BLOOD IF SHE CAN EAT NORMAL FOOD? I mean yeah, vampires angsting about drinking blood gets old, but at least they don't have magic rings to keep them going on FOOD. They have a right to be emo about something they can't control, this one is just an entitled jerk.
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Thu Sep 20, 2012 4:22 am

bleachedblackcat wrote:
Since someone else brought the thread back to life....

WHY IS THIS PSYCHO STILL DRINKING BLOOD IF SHE CAN EAT NORMAL FOOD? I mean yeah, vampires angsting about drinking blood gets old, but at least they don't have magic rings to keep them going on FOOD. They have a right to be emo about something they can't control, this one is just an entitled jerk.

I'm wondering since when cant' vampires eat? Food doesn't do them any good, but it's not like they lack the parts to go through the motions.

As for this particular scenario: I kept waiting for that to be addressed. Did the Druid/Gypsy lady get it wrong? Was that intentional just to give her some semblance of normalcy? You don't make that big a deal about something, then go on about your way making that big deal utterly pointless.

Personally, I'm still hung up on the "couldn't commit suicide" thing from Ch. 3. Did the Sun not exist in 1700s Scotland?
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PostSubject: Re: UNBREAK MY SPARK   Tue Oct 02, 2012 3:57 pm

Quote :
Roxanne is a vampire...but she's not your usual vampire, she's one who can eat normal food and walk in the sunlight.

This line, man. She's the least vampiric vampire I've ever heard of if she can just bandy about eating pizza like the rest of us. Or is the author by any chance inferring that vampires don't like pizza? I haven't even read further than this, but it was too pressing to go unbeaten.
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