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 Fanboys and Card-Games

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TheIan
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
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Join date : 2009-06-12
Location : Dining car on the Train of Time, DenLiner

PostSubject: Fanboys and Card-Games   Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:30 am

There's a legend about this story, that if you read the whole thing, you won't get laid for five years. I couldn't even finish reading it. But Magic The Gathering and YuGiOh combining? That's gotta be an epic tale! Can you imagine the Egyptian Gods and Planeswalkers joining forces to fight the worst evils imaginable--

Quote :
A Magic player ends up in Yugi's world.
Oh. Fuck.

Imagine, if you will, a story about a boy coming into his own, and saving the world through the use of a children's card game. Sound familiar? That's because it's the premise for Yu-Gi-Oh. Only Yugi doesn't play as big a role in the story, since the Stu main character soaks up all the attention.

But, really, how bad could it be?

Quote :
We all know Yu-Gi-Oh is a rip-off of Magic, right? So what if a Magic player challenged Yugi to a duel? Since the games do have slight differences, all the Magic creatures will have their stats boosted by 500 (i.e. a 3/4 would be a 1500/2000) and no mana will be used. For abilities like "Pay X mana", the number of cards in the player's hand will replace the X. Instants and sorceries need to be played on the field before they can be used (i.e. they work like trap cards). The duel disk used by the Magic player will be adjusted to take Magic cards, so the creatures can materialize on the field. The game play will be by the Magic turn sequence and there is no attack or defence position.
FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...



















...UUUCK ME!

Quote :
"Finally," though Arrathir.
"I thought that disembodied introduction would never go away! Now I just hope I don't run headfirst into a text-wall."

And of course, he does, which infodumps exposition onto us.

Quote :
After week of travelling, he'd finally arrived at Domino City, the one place where there was supposed to be a card shop that still sold Alpha Magic boosters. Arrathir had read about this place on an Internet forum and he'd spent the following week scouring books for the location of Domino City.
This possibly one of the dumbest Stus I've come across.

And this is just the start.

Guess how he finds his way to Dominio City? No, not by MapQuest or Google Earth, this Stu doesn't care for practicality.

Quote :
He had mostly been wandering around, asking people if they knew where Domino City was. He'd gotten a lot of weird looks, some amused glances, but, fortunately, he'd stumbled across an old map in an antique store that showed the way to Domino City.
A FUCKING MAP IN AN ANTIQUE STORE. Of all the several thousand different ways he could have located this modern city in the modern age, he uses a fucking map from an antique store.

So, after fifteen episodes of filler in the Viridian Forest and another ten in Mt. Moon, our idiot Stu daring hero is just a hop, skip and a jump away from the nearest city and his next Gym Badge.

...Wait, wrong show...

After a few paragraphs boring us with the details of his three Magic decks, Arrathir is now in Domino City! And no one really gives a fuck.

Quote :
As Arrathir entered Domino City, he quickly spotted his goal: a card shop. He figured he'd go in and see if they knew anything about where he could get Alpha boosters.
Imagine his disappointment when none of the locals spoke a lick of English. Of course, thanks to the power of 4Kids LittleKuriboh, we don't get that kind of luxury.

So, he falls asleep in the middle of the text-wall, I guess because at this point, I was ready for a nap, too.

Quote :
He headed for the shop, but as he reached the door, he tripped on the steps and fell. When he hit the ground, his fatigue caused by his traveling caught up with and he fell asleep.
Our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen.

Then he wakes up, and this is the first thing he sees...

Quote :
When Arrathir woke up, he found himself in bed. As he opened his eyes, he saw a kid sitting by his bed.

"Oh, you're awake. Are you OK?" the kid asked.

Arrathir took a good look at him. He was short, about up to Arrathir's chest. He was wearing black pants and a blue vest. He was also wearing a dog collar and had a weird pyramid thing on a chain hanging from his neck. Then he spotted the kid's hair. It was tri-coloured and arranged in long spikes that must have been held together with tremendous amounts of mousse and gel.
Arrathir, you fool! Don't ever break the golden rule of Anime crossovers! NEVER QUESTION THE GRAVITY-DEFYING HAIR!

Well, Arrathir and Yugi begin talking card-games, make out for a while, and then kick Shobu from Duel Masters to death when he shows up. Afterward, Yugi explains to Arrathir and everyone else who doesn't play Duel Monsters the show's premise.

Quote :
"Legend has it five thousand years ago, ancient Egyptian Pharaohs used to play a magical game very similar to Duel Monsters. This ancient game involved magical ceremonies, which were used to foresee the future and ultimately, decide one's destiny. They called it the Shadow Game, and the main difference back then was that the monsters were all real! Soon the game got out of control and threatened to destroy the entire world! Fortunately, a brave Pharaoh stopped this cataclysm with the help of seven powerful magic items."
Yugi promptly passes out after explaining due to lack of a chance to breathe.

And the chapter ends with Grandpa, having not died yet, inviting Arrathir to join the two for dinner.

I don't know what drew me to this story before, but I knew reading this was a waste of my time. This bad. The main character is an uninteresting Stu, there's more padding in this story than in a Freshmen girl's bra, and it draws out forever.
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Knorg
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PostSubject: Re: Fanboys and Card-Games   Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:52 am

What's the worst that can happen with that?

In your case, probably paper cuts on your pecker.
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