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 How to Ruin How to Train Your Dragon

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TheIan
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
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Join date : 2009-06-12
Location : Dining car on the Train of Time, DenLiner

PostSubject: How to Ruin How to Train Your Dragon   Sat Aug 20, 2011 2:12 pm

I somehow felt deep down How To Train Your Dragon, awesome movie as it was, was fanbrat fodder right from the start. There can be only so many ways to ruin a fandom, but somehow, HIJAMIYA manages to wreck it even further.

I mean, getting through her profile alone is enough of a challenge, look at this mess!

Quote :
Hi there!~ I am Miza. I am pretty much new here on fan fiction and I've been reading alot of nice Fan fictions on this net and they are awesome and I wish to be everyones's friend in this site. Here is my Profile:-
Name: Miza(Short, Actually I have a long~ Name...)
Nickname: Miza,Azimah,Neko Keron,Kaka(Big Sister) and Kak Que(I hate the nickname sometime i've been called)
Age: 15~
Gender: Female,Girl.
Birthday: 26th April.
Birthplace: Brunei Darussalam (In Asia, On an Island called Borneo near Singapore and Malaysia.)
Height: 5'7 feet tall (Yeah, I'm a bit tall for my age).
weight: Unknown.
Color of Hair: Dark Brown and short.
Color of eyes: Brown.
Occupation: High School student
Family: Mother,Father,4 younger sisters.
You're just asking for a stalker, fanbrat.

And, then as if the fanbrat isn't crazy enough:

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Here is my profile~

and now meet my assistants(fiction):-
You have... assistants? What?!

Some of these assistants profiles...I just don't even

Quote :
Sardonyx.
Female.
unknown around 4years (1years old and plus are already adults for normal animals).
1st August.
A Jewel net digger (Fictional species)- Blue in color with yellow tied up hair and same color tail,she also have a collar (I gave) with scarf attached to it and she have dark blue eyes .
Oblivious,affectionate and loving with caring following it.
now she is a mother of 7 lil jewel nets.
Mate is called Jasper (around 4 years) after the jewel Jasper and he is Brown colored.
Children:-from Eldest to Youngest:- Red,Orange,Yellow,Green,Blue,Indigo and Violet(Colors of the Rainbow!~).
Sardonyx is first created in class in 2009 and Jasper and her children in probably late 2009 or Early 2010.

How uncreative could you possibly be naming IMAGINARY CHILDREN after colors?

After trudging further through the rest of the crap in her profile, I finally come to the list of her stories, and the summary for today's snark, A New Era, fills me with a dread the likes of which I only experienced watching Tommy Wiseau's The Room.

Quote :
Anime Styled! Toothless and Hiccup met a Female Night fury who Hiccup named Flare. She has a secret that only a few knows and that was that she's a half Dragon and Human Hybrid. Chapter 17 is up! The end is nearing...
Great, so now not only is one of my favorite Dreamworks movies turned into a Joseph Lai animation abomination, it features a Sueicus draconicus dimidium who most likely has all the complexities of an episode of Scooby-Doo.

What the fuck ever happened to Hiccup and Astrid getting together? Or does that not happen in the fanbrat's mind?

So we start with the author spoiling the movie for everyone (probably assuming her readers have seen the movie and are reading this immediately after to refresh their memories) to set up the story.
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It has been a year since the defeat of the Big Dragon that the Vikings of Berk called 'The Green Death'. Hiccup, once known to be the cowardly Viking has now has a high standard for as he is the one who lead the Green Death to destruction and saved his tribe and so is all the species of Dragons ever existed from being slaves to the Big Dragon. In Conclusion he also brings Vikings and Dragons to live in Harmony and peace and thus ending the feud that the Vikings had with the dragons for generations.
As a start, I love the unnecessary and random capitalized words. I also love the fact that the second sentence is so disorienting and confusing as fuck.

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This New Story Takes place on one Spring Day, the Island where Vikings and Dragons Live…
For the sake of everyone, we'll just call it Manowar Island. Vikings and Manowar pretty much go hand in hand, anyway.

Quote :
9.07a. groan as the ray of the sun peeping through his window. Though he will usually get up and closed the curtains but a certain Black creature would always get him up early in the morning go out flying.''Do he always wake up this early'' Hiccup though as his face was showered with saliva of that particular Creature. "Alright…I'm up…thank you for the wakeup call Toothless" he said sarcastically. Toothless jumps around the house as Hiccup began to get up. A low growl coming from him as he looks intently at Hiccup while making sure he doesn't fall. He still needs a little getting used to his prosthetic leg even after a year.
I'd like to think after a year Hiccup would be used to his prosthetic, considering how well he took the fact when he woke up to it.

But soon after, we get some more broken grammar, and Toothless speaking to himself about flying.
Quote :
"This time I will manage to create loops in the sky…''Toothless though in a brief second. They went flying for two hours and Hiccup and Toothless managed to soar to the highest of the sky and almost reached out of the Atmosphere. Hiccup laughs at that thought.
Toothless immediately passes out due to the thin oxygen and both plummet in a downward spiral to their doom. BAD END.

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''Hey, bud that was awesome, that's the highest anyone or any Dragon can go to, we broke it yeah!"
Yeah, Hiccup! Breaking grammar is awesome!

Following this, Hiccup and Toothless unfortunately fly into a wall of Engrish so incomprehensible, the likes of which staring upon too long leads to a deep madness.
Quote :
Hiccup paused for a while as he heard Toothless slightly laugh, hey isn't that..?" Hey no, don't do what I think you are doing, don't fire your Dragon Breath out like that like the last time…Toothless rolled his eyes ''Do you enjoyed it the last time hee hee…"
It's kind of funny that one stray quotation mark can be so devastating to the mind.

But enough of that, let's make an Inception joke!
Quote :
Hiccup realizes it was nearly noon so he told Toothless that they will be going deeper so that he can see the Island of Berk
Now, let's introduce a Sue!

Quote :
As Hiccup stirred Toothless to go lower, something caught his eye. Something in the village and he can hear slight screaming and shouts. There he also saw a Black creature similar to Toothless roaming throughout the village.

On the ground the Black Creature growled and screams as it crashes the village, destroying everything in its path.

"That thing it's at it again" said a male Viking while escaping some baskets tumbled over him. The Creature smashes the wagons and…the feeding polls for the Dragons. It smashes the basket containing the fishes inside which made some of the hidden Dragons angry.
So apparently, it's another Night Fury causing some trouble for the village. A Gronkle takes 6d6 damage from the breath weapon and the only attempt to stop any more chaos is even MORE broken grammar!

Quote :
It was taken aback as its tail was been pulled by something or someone. A thick man wear and furry vest and a small helmet and have a red beard. Then a few of the other heavy and strong looking Vikings appeared alongside him.

Then Creature roared…
Apparently, this Creature doesn't afraid of anything.

Quote :
Stoick told Hiccup to point his attention towards the Creature who is already hissing and growling at Toothless. Hiccup was amazed It was another Night Fury! The Nigh Fury was slightly smaller than Toothless and slimmer. It has Orange eyes and a full tail fin unlike Toothless fake tail fin. Its eyes are narrowed and stared intently towards Toothless who stares back his eyes, narrowed like stilts.

"Who are you? And what are you doing here? Destroying this place…" growled Toothless. The Other Night Fury stares and said "Strange words coming from a Dragon and A Night Fury at that…'' "The Feud ended a year ago stranger leave this village immediately…" Toothless growled furiously as he runs towards the other dragon and attacks it."Nice try!" It fires a glowing ball of fire at Toothless but misses then he fires three balls at a time. ''I bet that!"
The other Night Fury seems to come by only with the intent for wanton destruction, and Stoic the Vast explains, aptly for this story, in even more broken grammar.

Quote :
"Hiccup, Son that Dragon is the same kind as your Friend there but a more berserk one. It usually comes to trash the whole place during 5 minutes before noon and I must say you are quiet early my boy…" Hiccup shrugs and tell his dad to go on…"That Dragon is first heard in a nearby village just south of Berk, that Dragoness is in fact deadly, it can also not only breathes fire but ice too…it cause the people there to sweep of the ice it made and fires the hot stove in case if it ever comes back…"
Did you get all that? Because I'm going to zoom in and enhance on what's wrong with this sentence alone.

Quote :
it can also not only breathes fire but ice too…
It breathes not just fire, but ICE as well! Must be great to have around when you need to keep your piss-water beer cold, huh?

Wrapping up the first chapter--yeah, this is just the first chapter by the way--Astrid and Hiccup talk in broken grammar, there's more broken grammar, and the chapter ends in broken grammar.

Quote :
2.48p. and Toothless went to the forest where the Night Fury escapes to earlier. ''I don't get it why would Hiccup go after it? I would rather not go there if I was him…but that would be leaving him to go alone in this thick forest…Alone? No no…that boy will be so clumsy when he is alone…I couldn't leave him like that…" Toothless thought as He and Hiccup went toward the canyon where the first time he learned to trust Hiccup a year ago. Hiccup said that they will need to rest here for a while.

Little do they know that a shadow in the bushes was spying on them… Its Orange eyes glows are it stares. Its position was in a ready state to pounce but it is not aiming at the large monster but at the human…

"This will be interesting…"
No, this story is not interesting. It's vapid, boring, and the lack of comprehension is enough to give a Grammar Nazi a fucking aneurysm.

Fuck this, I'm out!
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Exodia's Right Leg
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PostSubject: Re: How to Ruin How to Train Your Dragon   Sun Aug 21, 2011 12:06 am

I hate RPG logic. "So, this creature breathes fire, so the next logical step is to have one that breathes ice!" NO, IT ISN'T.
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bleachedblackcat
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PostSubject: Re: How to Ruin How to Train Your Dragon   Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:32 pm

5' 7" is TALL for a 15 year old girl?


If this doesn't somehow turn into a threesome or love triangle I'll eat my hat.
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Summercorn
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Join date : 2011-08-18
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PostSubject: Re: How to Ruin How to Train Your Dragon   Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:30 am

My niece has not long hit thirteen, but is already five foot ten. So it's not impossible.


Can you imagine opening A Christmas Carol and the first page reads:

Hi I'm Charles Dickens and I'm six foot one. I have chestnut hair and amber eyes and I'm like so in love with Queen Victoria's third daughter! I have two imaginary children called Accident and Emergency and I love Rochester? Hi Rochester!

I don't know weather I'd laugh my ass off or cry. Both probably.

*pointless aside* I went to Broadstairs and the house I liked most turned out to have been the inspiration for Bleak House.*/pointless aside*



Quote :

Little do they know that a shadow in the bushes was spying on them… Its Orange eyes glows are it stares. Its position was in a ready state to pounce but it is not aiming at the large monster but at the human…

A spying shadow? Eyes that 'glows are it stares?' Reading it through before you send it to the world isn't a crime, people!
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