Why God, Why?


 
HomeHome  FAQFAQ  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 
 

 The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 41
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

PostSubject: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:47 pm

After a wait of several years, the final book in the Earth's Children series, [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.], was finally published in March. Fans of the series pounced on the book--then shrieked in horror and fled back to the great literature that is Twilight.

The only way to redeem this crappy book is by making a drinking game from it. Take a shot every time:

1. Someone notices Ayla's accent.
2. Someone notices how beautiful Ayla is.
3. Someone is astounded by Ayla's horses and wolf.
4. Someone sings the Mother's Song.
5. A cave painting is described.
6. Ayla takes drugs and has a spiritual experience.
7. Ayla shows amazing vocal abilities.

Don't worry about missing the plot...

Spoiler:
 

Warning: Play this game only one chapter at a time, lest you die of alcohol poisoning or wake up to discover you've shared First Rites with your neighbor's German shepherd.
Back to top Go down
http://www.angelfire.com/yt/anneblair/index.html
bleachedblackcat
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-11

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:18 pm

Quote :
7. Ayla shows amazing vocal abilities.

What, she can sing now? I thought that was her one great fault.
Back to top Go down
Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 41
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Thu Jun 16, 2011 11:00 pm

bleachedblackcat wrote:
Quote :
7. Ayla shows amazing vocal abilities.

What, she can sing now? I thought that was her one great fault.
Nope...but she can roar so convincingly that she would fool a lion--and also tweet like any number of birds.

I found this on YouTube:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Back to top Go down
http://www.angelfire.com/yt/anneblair/index.html
Quijotesca
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2010-10-01
Age : 34

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:14 pm

I like how the turnicated name on the main page is "The Land of Pain." That seems like an accurate title, but I keep expecting this thread to be about some terrible goth book rather than the further adventures of Ayla Sue.
Back to top Go down
Azzandra
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-10-10

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Sat Jun 18, 2011 12:53 am

Quijotesca wrote:
I like how the turnicated name on the main page is "The Land of Pain." That seems like an accurate title, but I keep expecting this thread to be about some terrible goth book rather than the further adventures of Ayla Sue.
I was going to say the same thing.

Except I was going to use the word "truncated". Because it actually exists.
Back to top Go down
rae
Contributor
Contributor
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : computer chair

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Sat Jun 18, 2011 1:27 am

I am eventually going to have to snark this shit. I knew I would, the first -- but not last -- time in the book that it goes head-hopping just so Auel can spew out a few paragraphs of people thinking of how awesome Ayla is. No. Seriously. The sort of mental masturbation even most badfic writers manage to avoid, a paid author does it multiple times in a single book.
Back to top Go down
Quijotesca
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2010-10-01
Age : 34

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Sat Jun 18, 2011 4:44 pm

Azzandra wrote:
Except I was going to use the word "truncated". Because it actually exists.
I had the right word at some point, but I guess it decided to run away. Aw.
Back to top Go down
Snake Bandage
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 28
Location : Under the kitchen sink

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:17 am

I saw it in the bookstore today. Shit's huge and ridiculously expensive, man, I don't get why anyone would buy it based solely on that. I actually had to try not to laugh when I saw someone had reserved a copy of it. Dude, why.

So what actually happens in the book? I mean, I'm sure there's no plot, but Wikipedia doesn't even have a proper summary and I'm terribly curious.
Back to top Go down
Sheba
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 30

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Tue Jul 26, 2011 8:28 am

I'm pretty sure that in this one Ayla invents god or something...
Back to top Go down
Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 41
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Tue Jul 26, 2011 11:54 am

Spoiler:
 

It's not worth the money.
Back to top Go down
http://www.angelfire.com/yt/anneblair/index.html
Kirby
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 28

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Tue Jul 26, 2011 12:25 pm

There are rumors that Jean Auel is suffering from dementia...if so, shame on the publishers for making her churn out another book even if she wasn't able to write coherently anymore.

I liked the first four books when I was about eleven, even though I tended to skip some of the exposition just so I could giggle at the sex scenes. Even then, though, Ayla came off as rather ditzy to me, even though she was supposed to be super-intelligent. Then the fifth book came out when I was thirteen, and I realized with some dismay that it was terrible. Really, all I wanted was for Ayla to get to see Durc again. >> Plus, all Mary Sue traits aside, she talks like a character from Barney the Dinosaur. Haven't even read the last book, but I assume it's all the same there too.
Back to top Go down
rae
Contributor
Contributor
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : computer chair

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Tue Jul 26, 2011 10:24 pm

^She is even more of a Mary Sue in this one. I mean, it's like Auel went, "You think she's a Sue? Fuck it. You're right." and then did research so that she could be a ~proper~ 12 y/o girl's Sue, right down to scenes of what might be the far future (modern day) and everyone hates her ...because. We're never really given a good explanation.
Back to top Go down
Snake Bandage
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 28
Location : Under the kitchen sink

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Wed Jul 27, 2011 2:41 am

She never does get to see Durc again, does she? That's all kinds of depressing and I don't even care for the characters.
Back to top Go down
Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 32
Location : Taking that picture...

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Wed Jul 27, 2011 5:58 am

Not being able to sing isn't a flaw.

Not being able to drive; that's a flaw worth inventing. Provided there are cars you can't drive.
Back to top Go down
https://www.fanfiction.net/~breechloader
Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 41
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Wed Jul 27, 2011 10:04 am

Snake Bandage wrote:
She never does get to see Durc again, does she? That's all kinds of depressing and I don't even care for the characters.
Nope, and the Clan is hardly mentioned, let alone seen.

Edit: There are, however, endless repititions of the Mother's Song.
Back to top Go down
http://www.angelfire.com/yt/anneblair/index.html
Nevvy
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2009-06-30

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Wed Jul 27, 2011 11:11 am

I have a friend who is a great guy in many ways, but he has crappy taste in literature. He called me after having read LoPC, really upset that Jondalar had cheated on Ayla. And that was all he was upset about.
Back to top Go down
rae
Contributor
Contributor
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : computer chair

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Wed Jul 27, 2011 2:53 pm

The cheating didn't even make sense. I mean, if 90% of the Mother's Song had been cut out, Auel could have, you know, built up to that. It could have made sense. But as written, it was just sort of out from left field. With all the head-hopping, she could have hopped into Jondalar's head and at least had him wangsting over how Ayla had no time for him anymore, or how he didn't want to bother her because she's trying to be a priestess and shit. But no. Just BAM! RANDOM CHEATING GO GO GO!
Back to top Go down
Kirby
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 28

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Wed Jul 27, 2011 5:56 pm

Lady Anne wrote:

Nope, and the Clan is hardly mentioned, let alone seen.

Edit: There are, however, endless repititions of the Mother's Song.

Does Ayla have those same thoughts about the song every time, about how it reminded her of Durc's birth and the abrupt ending? I remember that twice in the fifth book before I gave up on even skimming.



Quote :
She never does get to see Durc again, does she? That's all kinds of depressing and I don't even care for the characters.

Oh, and Jondalar never gets to find out what happened with Noria (girl he did First Rites with and possibly knocked up). He didn't ask when he and Ayla encountered that tribe because he thought Ayla would be jealous. Which made no sense to me even when I was a kid, since that was before he even met Ayla, and she had that little fling with Ranec, and GODDAMNIT WHY CAN I REMEMBER ALL THE NAMES?!
Back to top Go down
Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 41
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Wed Jul 27, 2011 7:03 pm

Kirby wrote:
Lady Anne wrote:

Nope, and the Clan is hardly mentioned, let alone seen.

Edit: There are, however, endless repititions of the Mother's Song.

Does Ayla have those same thoughts about the song every time, about how it reminded her of Durc's birth and the abrupt ending? I remember that twice in the fifth book before I gave up on even skimming.
She doesn't seem to think much about the endlessly repeated Mother's song (other than she can't sing it, but Zolena/Zelandoni has a beautiful voice), until:

Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
http://www.angelfire.com/yt/anneblair/index.html
littledorrit
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2010-03-13
Age : 25
Location : At the Mountains of Madness

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Wed Jul 27, 2011 8:26 pm

Lady Anne wrote:
Spoiler:
 

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Back to top Go down
Kirby
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 28

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Thu Jul 28, 2011 10:22 am

Lady Anne wrote:
Kirby wrote:
Lady Anne wrote:

Nope, and the Clan is hardly mentioned, let alone seen.

Edit: There are, however, endless repititions of the Mother's Song.

Does Ayla have those same thoughts about the song every time, about how it reminded her of Durc's birth and the abrupt ending? I remember that twice in the fifth book before I gave up on even skimming.
She doesn't seem to think much about the endlessly repeated Mother's song (other than she can't sing it, but Zolena/Zelandoni has a beautiful voice), until:

Spoiler:
 
This is a different vision than the one in the far future that Rae was talking about, right?

I think I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that the ending of the book is Ayla discovering agriculture 25,000 years ahead of everyone else.
Back to top Go down
rae
Contributor
Contributor
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : computer chair

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:40 pm

She doesn't actually do that, though I'd have not been shocked. Remember, in some of the earlier books, when Ayla was doing vision quests or w/e -- the first one being in the Mogurs' cave at the big Clan Meeting -- she would sometimes get flashes of the far future. She did again in this book. And people in the future were apparently pissed off at her personally. They were pointing and saying, "YOU DID IT."
Back to top Go down
William Shakespeare
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2010-08-05
Age : 453
Location : Stratford upon Avon, England

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Thu Jul 28, 2011 8:15 pm

Rae wrote:
She did again in this book. And people in the future were apparently pissed off at her personally. They were pointing and saying, "YOU DID IT."

Nobody likes a Mary Sue. Colbert
Back to top Go down
rae
Contributor
Contributor
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : computer chair

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:13 pm

I like to think it was the people who were big fans of the original books, then watched them slowly descend into utter shit. It's not Ayla they are pissed at. No. That's all for Ms. Auel.
Back to top Go down
Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 41
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   Sat Jul 30, 2011 9:18 pm

Kirby wrote:
Lady Anne wrote:
Kirby wrote:
Lady Anne wrote:

Nope, and the Clan is hardly mentioned, let alone seen.

Edit: There are, however, endless repititions of the Mother's Song.

Does Ayla have those same thoughts about the song every time, about how it reminded her of Durc's birth and the abrupt ending? I remember that twice in the fifth book before I gave up on even skimming.
She doesn't seem to think much about the endlessly repeated Mother's song (other than she can't sing it, but Zolena/Zelandoni has a beautiful voice), until:

Spoiler:
 
This is a different vision than the one in the far future that Rae was talking about, right?

I think I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that the ending of the book is Ayla discovering agriculture 25,000 years ahead of everyone else.
Nope.

Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
http://www.angelfire.com/yt/anneblair/index.html
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game   

Back to top Go down
 
The Land of Painted Caves: the drinking game
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» White Elephants
» PGSM Drinking Game
» The Mai-HiME Drinking Game
» The Official Forumshire Filmmakers Commentary Drinking Game: AUJ EE Edition
» Marble Hornets Drinking Game

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Why God, Why? :: The Sporking Table :: New Releases-
Jump to: