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 Kuroshitsuji Yaoi: The title and the description!

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Sakurelf
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PostSubject: Kuroshitsuji Yaoi: The title and the description!   Tue May 24, 2011 2:40 am

Like a faithful art puppy, getwatchers has found me this random submission, and after skipping literature submissions many times, I decided to go nuts and read the first paragraph.

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Quote :
Title: Big Drip, Little Drip
Author: PoynterJones - Me - Claire
Disclaimer: None of this has ever happened, not to my knowledge anyways.
Wait, how is that a disclaimer? Shouldn't you be mentioning copyright here?

Quote :
Pairings: ClaudexCielxSebastian
Shotacon threeway. Hooray!

Quote :
I WARNING YOU NOW!
This short story contains: Explicit Yaoi/Boylove, Rape, Angst & an extremely uncomfortable situation!


Remember, guys, after all that awesome rape and angst, there is an EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION. Be prepared it it. it may happen at any time.

Quote :
Night befalls the city. Everything plunged into an ecliptic shutdown, yet a vibrant glow rises from the centre of the hustle and bustle, the night sky fogged out, illuminations overpowering as the oxymoronic scene unfolds.
Mah text is urple for teh urple.

Quote :
Night time is for darkness and obscurity.
Totally.

Quote :
It's when the shadows come out.
Sure do.

Quote :
They blend in and cannot be seen.
Yeeaaah....

Quote :
Lurking in alleyways and creeping down streets.
Oh, Really? that part's new. Wait, are we talking about rapists or a lack of visible light here?

Quote :
They remain silent and deadly, ready to pounce on their prey, waiting for the next unsuspecting victim to wander along.
Oh. Rapists. Because I could have sworn we... and the shadows... a couple lines ago.
Quote :

Some do it for money, others personal belongings. Some, however, personal gratification. An accomplishment. An achievement amongst others.
Uh, ok. Keep on waxing philosophic about mugging.
Quote :

Three o clock in the morning and a prime time to take advantage. Intoxicated youths stot about the place, unaware of their surrounding, the drug too far gone through their system.
Stop stottering about, you undisciplined youths! And you've been doing THE DRUG.


Quote :
A young girl, cleavage for all to see as well as never-ending legs, her lack of clothing appealing to some.
I can't even make this funny. Does not make sense.
Quote :

She'll find her way home safely, wake up in the morning with a bad headache and get on with her life. A shame the same thing can't be said about the adolescent leaning up against the wall around the side of the building
. SO descriptive.

Quote :
A half empty bottle still in his hand, he slinks down the wall, collapsing to his backside. His head lolls forward, resting against his knees and then it's obvious he's in too much of a state to see what's happening.
Ok, he has a half-empty bottle in his hand, and... crawls? DOWN the wall, but lands on his ass somehow and then his head rests on his knees.

Quote :
Panic has stricken his body
Yes, he is panic-stricken.

Quote :
the fear being the ultimate sobering machine
A sobriety machine... We could make MILLIONS.
Quote :

and he whimpers as the hand is replaced with a gag, followed by a black bag over his head and then it's darkness.
Lights out for you, kiddo! Raep time!
Quote :

the harshness of the light causing him to keep his eyes closed for a moment until he manages to open them completely, taking in his surroundings.
It was a derelict building. A dingy room with water leaking over the floor, causing puddles to form in some places.
You've been kidnapped and all you've observed is that WAOW, there is a lot of moisture in the building! Kid, you must be high on THE DRUG.

Quote :
The Phantomhive's were millionaires. A household name to a lot of people, so having kidnapped their only son was a bonus. More than anyone had ever achieved before.
It's not actually an author's note, but I feel like I just got told this peice of information by the microsoft paperclip.

More later.... maybe


Last edited by Sakurelf on Tue May 24, 2011 6:16 pm; edited 3 times in total
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rae
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PostSubject: Re: Kuroshitsuji Yaoi: The title and the description!   Tue May 24, 2011 4:52 pm

Good snark, but you might want to consider changing the color of your sections. It's damned near impossible to tell what you wrote, versus what they wrote since the colors are almost he same.
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Sakurelf
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PostSubject: Re: Kuroshitsuji Yaoi: The title and the description!   Tue May 24, 2011 6:00 pm

rae wrote:
Good snark, but you might want to consider changing the color of your sections. It's damned near impossible to tell what you wrote, versus what they wrote since the colors are almost he same.

Oh, sorry. It's pretty clear on my monitor, but I'll place them in quote boxes.
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your mom
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PostSubject: Re: Kuroshitsuji Yaoi: The title and the description!   Wed May 25, 2011 11:59 am

Quote :
This short story contains: Explicit Yaoi/Boylove, Rape, Angst & an extremely uncomfortable situation!

Sex in the back of a Volkswagen?
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Sakurelf
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PostSubject: Re: Kuroshitsuji Yaoi: The title and the description!   Wed May 25, 2011 12:27 pm

your mom wrote:
Quote :
This short story contains: Explicit Yaoi/Boylove, Rape, Angst & an extremely uncomfortable situation!

Sex in the back of a Volkswagen?

Maybe a roomate walks in? With a friend? Asking about groceries and do we need milk but.. WHOA! Dude. Wow, yeah. Can't unsee that.


Quote :
"What do you want with me?" He wriggles, trying to set himself free
This story will now be completed with interpretive dance! *wriggles about*

Quote :
"Ciel Phantomhive. What would you credit it?"

huh?
Quote :

"What do you want with me?" He wriggles, trying to set himself free, stopping as the shadow finally makes its presence known.

A dark, short haired man, tall and handsome with glasses adorning his face comes into clearer view the closer he gets.

"Ciel Phantomhive. What would you credit it?" He crosses his arms and circles the helpless young boy in the chair, smirking. "Sebastian said we had someone worth something but I didn't realise he meant someone as rich as you."
Nope, still doesn't make any sense.


Quote :
"Do I..?" He bites his lip and walks round behind him, sliding his arms around his neck and leaning in closely to his skin.
I'm pretty sure you can't get any closer to your own skin.

Quote :

"..have my way with you" Wriggling, Ciel tries his best to get this man away from him but he can't, his binds restraining his movement.
More dialogue through interpretive dance!

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"Or do I hold you hostage and ask for ransom money for your safe return?" Tears were rolling down Ciel's cheeks, his bright blue eyes glistening as they did so, the tears soaking the gag that was preventing him from speaking.
Quote :
"You don't get away that easily…" Kneeling before him, he rests his hand on Ciel's thigh.
"I get to have my way with you first. Whether you like it or not. You don't have a choice. The only choice you have is whether or not you'll comply with me."

You just answered your own question. Because I don't think "brutally raped" counts as "safe return"

Quote :
"And if I don't comply."
"Then it hurts because I have to force you. And then I may consider taking the money then killing you."

I appreciate how matter-of-fact these guys are.

Quote :

"Mmm, Phantomhive. Dirty little rich boy. I wonder what mummy and daddy are thinking this morning, that their only son hasn't returned from a night out on the piss. Worried, I hope."
I'd be worried if he WAS doing that. Whatever "A night out on the piss" is...

Quote :
Licking his lips, Claude glanced down before roughly grabbing Ciel by the crotch, pushing him up against the nearest wall.
"Mmm, so well endowed for such a small person, no?" Turning him around, he shoved Ciel hard against the wall, his cheek crushing off the concrete
1) Isn't it a little difficult to manhandle a person, even a small person by the crotch?
2) ALL UKES HAVE BIG PENISES ALSO THEY ARE SOMEHOW CONSENTUAL ADULTS AND WANT THE SEX. I think shota fetishits really just want midget porn.
3) Crushing off the concrete with his cheek. I know Ciel is described as having delicate features, but dayum. That is one chiselled jawline.

Quote :
The only thing I want from you is your money and your arse.
The classic Gay Rapist Mugger tagline!

Quote :
and with those words, he ripped Ciel's trousers from his legs, grazing his hipbones harshly.
Booyah!
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