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 Fire at my fingertips

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TheIan
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
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Join date : 2009-06-12
Location : Dining car on the Train of Time, DenLiner

PostSubject: Fire at my fingertips   Sun May 15, 2011 9:29 pm

I enjoy Generator Rex. It's one of those fandoms where you it grows on you. The series in itself is actually really good, with compelling characters, a good conflict, and very strong writing.

And then you wonder how someone can write something like Fire at my fingertips and be proud of such a mess.

Let's start with the penname:

Quote :
imakegoodstories
No you don't, author. No you don't. No

Quote :
It happened so fast. 5 years ago, when my sister was 2 and I was 10, there was he nanite event.
Soon following was the She-Nanite Event. Overzealous feminism activists and transvestites worldwide rejoiced.

Quote :
It also changed our eye colors, our eyes are red now.
I think you can get a cleanser, clear that right up.

Quote :
I found out a way to use my fire infused nanites to make fire at my fingertips.
Oh look, title mention! You couldn't wait a chapter or two to give some kind of cryptic allusion, author?

What am I saying, I'm talking to a Suethor.

Well, these Sues are UBAR SPESHUL in that the older is a pyro, but after that, they have the orphan syndrome, in that they live on their own.

Quote :
Now i'm 15, my sister is 7, and we are living in a run down building in Manhattan.
Because living in squalor is cool!

And then the author gives us a half-assed explanation why they live as they do, which is possibly dumber than this story as a whole.

Quote :
We stayed out of sight from the non evos.Me and my sister were like evos. I was fast, and could use fire. When my sister is old enough I will teach her how to use her nanites too. Outside we
Outside, you--what? Come on, suethor, you made it halfway through your own chapter before your brain shut down? BOOOO! I want my money back!

Quote :
just looked like normal girls, apart from the eyes. I had long, brown hair. My sister, Katie, has short red hair. I swore ever since the nanite event that I would always protect her. I will.
Well, glad you have your priorities straight, Suethor. Of course, it doesn't help your thoughts are all over the place, but what helps you feel comfortable about your dyslexia.

Of course, the older Sue decides to leave her younger sister to go out for food. What a good big sister.

Quote :
"Katie, im going to go get some food from the market, want anything?" I asked.

"Can you get me pop tarts, Samantha?" she asked
"No, you need something more than breakfast junk, unless you plan to get stoned today."

Quote :
I can run as fast a 50 miles per hour. It would take me around half a minutes to get there, a minute to get all the food, and another half a minute to get back.
This from the Sue trying not to draw attention. Because there are things more noticeable than a girl running almost a mile a minute in Manhattan.

Quote :
While i was on the way there, I pickpocketed someone who was a little too close to me. "30 bucks, enogh to last me and Katie a week." I thought. When I got to the market I got pop tarts, froot roll ups, lunchables, and pasta. I still have 5 bucks left I thought. I went to a toy store and got Katie a doll. She loves dolls.
And not mention, this Sue is worse with a budget than I am. A bunch of junk food is not going to last you a week.

And we move on to chapter 2!

Quote :
On my way home I saw something in a tv shop.
It looked like a TV, but I wasn't sure!

Quote :
Something about how providence helped "Win the war against evos" and they had a secret weapon to "take care of evos."
Odors and stains disappear like they never happened!

Quote :
I hate

providence.
Yeah, I'm not a fan of Rhode Island, either.

Quote :
Our house is perfect. There is something in the roof that keeps providence from knowing about us. It was always a danger to us,

being out in the open.
Hooray for tin-foil hats!

We now cut to Providence, headquarters, where the actual main characters reside...

Quote :
Meanwhile at providence-"Holiday, are you reading this?" said one of the guards.
"Thank God, no. I'm too busy with actual work to pay attention to crappy fanfiction."
"...back to work, then."

Quote :
She was staring at a moniter. There was a speeding fast evo runing around parts of Manhatten.
But they didn't notice the crawling slow EVO in Queens?

Simply put, Knight sends Six and Rex to investigate. We return to our Sue speeding through Manhattan.

Quote :
I have a feling someone is watching me.
OBVIOUS ROCKWELL SONG REFERENCE IS OBVIOUS MOVING ON

Quote :
I rushed home and

I saw a providence ship in the air. Too late. I ran and and Katie shouted with glee, "Sammy!" I gave her the doll and said, "Katie, listen. I think providence may have found us."

"Are they gonna hurt us?"
"No, the worst is we could be given a clean living environment."
"What's the difference?"

So the two Sues hide, blahblahblah, Sue meets Rex and makes it as awkward as possible.

Quote :
"Dont worry, doc. Im careful... most of the time."

Time to expose myself.
You didn't even meet him yet, Suethor! Wait to get to third base, at least!

So that was the first two chapters of Fire at my fingertips. The writing is awful, there is no pacing, the Sues are as obvious as the Suethor's ignorance of Spell-check, I can't take any more of this lest I fly into one of my mindless, psychotic blood-thirsty episodes.
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