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szaleniec
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PostSubject: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 09, 2011 9:04 pm

I always wonder why, if people are so convinced their ships are so great, that they feel it necessary to make the other characters ridiculously evil in order to make it work. Few fics have filled up the Harmonian bingo card quite like The Last War, to the point that some readers have suggested it's a troll and I've had doubts myself. Unfortunately, I'm 99% sure it's legit.

The "Last War" of the title is clearly the one between the author and canon, because the fic is entirely focused on Harry rescuing put-upon!Hermione from the evil clutches of pointlessly-evil!Ron, himself escaping OOC!Ginny in the process, and the pair of them taking both sets of kids to France to live in Sirius' family château which evil!Dumbledore never told Harry about before now. Really. With the exception of the names and bits and pieces of background, it might as well not even be a Harry Potter fic at all.

Quote :
Hermione sighed and checked the kettle one more time. He was late again. Now she would have to find a way to keep the stew warm while preserving the tenderness of the meat bits.

Truly an epic opening line for the ages. The entire first chapter is Hermione navel-gazing as she cooks this stew, and for some reason the author is under the impression that meat in a stew becomes less tender as it cooks for longer. We get all the Harmonians' greatest hits: symbolic flight, Harry and Hermione's hug in the potions room in Philosopher's Stone (when they were 11 and 12), how Ron's return in Deathly Hallows spoiled everything (so she'd rather Harry had drowned and the Horcrux never been destroyed?) and we learn that adult!Ron has every negative trait the author can think of. He abuses her and the kids and apparently she can't just run off with the kids because the wizarding world is misogynistic and assumes that:

Quote :
any witch who wanted to leave her husband was clearly incapable of being a good mother

He also squanders the household money on prostitutes. He doesn't have a moustache, but if he did then he'd twirl it. We're told he drinks to excess, but the monologue only describes how he has a gin with his dinner and a few beers whilst listening to the Quidditch on the radio, which compared to everything else doesn't seem so bad. And surely Firewhisky or the like would be more in keeping with the wizarding world. At no point are we given any insight into why Ron is behaving this way, nor does the narrative convince us - however much it tries - that it's in character for Hermione to put up with it.

Basically, the tl;dr for this chapter is "Ron and Hermione are both hideously OOC". Things come to a head in the next chapter when (again for no adequately explored reason) he kills a bird that Hugo was looking after. We get some incredibly heavy-handed symbolism as its burning corpse is likened to a phoenix, and a flashback to the bit in Half-Blood Prince where she sics magical birds on him (Harmonian bingo point!) which seems to inspire her to do what she'd have done a lot sooner if she'd been in character. Once he's dead she transfigures his body into a log which she burns in the fireplace. All very symbolic. There's no mention of what's supposed to happen when the spell wears off, or what effect it'll have on the kids seeing their mum kill their dad however evil he might be.

Chapter 3 sees Ginny get a character assassination that's not quite as bad. It witters on in lingering detail about how she's lost her good looks (which I guess is meant to make us sympathise with Harry, but just makes him look like a shallow douche) and her non-canonical pureblood prejudice, and how the kids aren't actually Harry's. Eventually she buggers off, leaving him there with the kids, ready for Hermione to walk in. Which she duly does. The fic even points out the convenience:

Quote :
In a sense, he felt like he had been expecting her – as if he had cleared Ginny out of the way to make room in the house for Hermione.

They go for a walk, because it makes a lot more sense to confess to a murder in public than behind closed doors. But it's okay, because:

Quote :
The streets of London were deserted that night

Something tells me the author has never been to London. The restaurant is also conveniently deserted, but still far too public for it to be sensible for Hermione to admit that she's killed her husband. This also contrasts quite starkly with what seems to be the real point of this chapter:

Quote :
Even now, with her in his arms, he recalled the way they had slept chastely together during their search of the Horcruxes

Harmonian bingo point! Some authors would have inserted a torrid affair into that part of canon, and I've certainly seen fics that do. Here, though, we're supposed to see how:

Quote :
The longer Harry lived in the Wizarding World, the more Harry wished he had never received that strange parchment letter in the mail one summer morning so many years ago.

... Harry loves Hermione so much that he wishes he'd never met her, apparently. But who needs logic when you have a pure love that's sparkly, with rainbows and unicorns:

Quote :
And there they kissed, and somehow the world melted away around them, along with the blind stumblings and wretchedness of the past years, and they were young and new and fresh and in love. When they finally broke apart, they became aware that the diner was now empty. The radio now blared Erasure's "Always."

... though I'm not sure that's quite what the author had in mind.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 09, 2011 10:32 pm

Aww...I was hoping this post meant she updated...
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 09, 2011 11:54 pm

This fic (should it be legit, but if this isn't, a lot like it, and worse, are) is a good example of why I left the HP fandom. Basically, why I ran for the hills.

These people are rabid and illogical.

Poor Ron. He's something of a douche and a loser, but he isn't evil.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Tue May 10, 2011 12:55 am

The streets of London deserted? What, completely? I bloody well think not!
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Tue May 10, 2011 8:19 am

I was going to say it depends on the part of London, but it doesn't. You may even come across one empty street, but not a whole bunch of 'em.


Last edited by The Scientist on Tue May 10, 2011 8:19 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : typo)
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Tue May 10, 2011 3:15 pm

szaleniec wrote:

Quote :
Hermione sighed and checked the kettle one more time. He was late again. Now she would have to find a way to keep the stew warm while preserving the tenderness of the meat bits.

Truly an epic opening line for the ages. The entire first chapter is Hermione navel-gazing as she cooks this stew

With a first line like that, somehow I was expecting the Ulysses.

Quote :
for some reason the author is under the impression that meat in a stew becomes less tender as it cooks for longer.

Is it a sign of the times? Once ago, "don't write about what you don't know" applied to virgin authors writing nonsensical sex scenes. Now everyone knows the basics of boinking, but the culture of cooking is endangered.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Fri May 13, 2011 12:25 am

*cracks knuckles* I thank you, szaleniec, for unearthing something that inspired me to dust off the old mocking skills.

Quote :
Hermione sighed and checked the kettle one more time.

A watched kettle never boils, ya know.

Quote :
He was late again. Now she would have to find a way to keep the stew warm while preserving the tenderness of the meat bits.

"I swear human flesh is worse than lobster!"

Quote :
Why did I marry him? She thought to herself,

Because you loved each other? Because you went through hell together during the war? Because he'd take an AK spell for you and vice-versa? You know, all that silly canon stuff?

Quote :
Was it because she felt sorry for him, that apparently no other girl would want him?

I got two words to say to that: "WON-WON!"

Quote :
Or was it because she felt this was the closest she could ever get to the only man she'd ever loved – Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived?

Yes because it never occurred to you to make your move before the chest monster? Or when it was just you and Harry for who knows how long in the woods. Yeah, he was totally untouchable to you...

Quote :
Ever since she had embraced him in the Potions room during the quest for the Sorcerer's Stone, she knew her heart would belong to no other. Krum, McLaggen, even Ron, in a sense – they had all been childish attempts at catching his attention, ways to incite jealousy within his heart.

Smartest witch of her generation, folks.

Quote :
Late at night, while Ron snored and snorted away on his side of the bed, she would warm her heart with treasured memories of Harry – the way he had looked at her as if seeing a goddess on Earth when she had descended the steps to the Yule Ball

Ron's even-more gobsmacked reaction? Bah! Who cares?

Quote :
She would then cry and curse herself bitterly for not telling him of her love during those precious months when they were alone together seeking the Horcruxes, when night after night they had sought comfort in the other's embraces, and slept in each others' arms.

I'm noticing Hermione never mentions that by Deathly Hallows, Harry's heart belonged to Ginny. As if that little detail is even less significant than Ron being completely taken with her.

Quote :
She had finally garnered the courage to speak of her love, to finally find words that could describe the love towards him that poured out of every inch of her being like golden water – only for that filthy coward to return for God-Knows-What reason. She still would smile with satisfaction when she thought of the beating she had brought down on him, the rain of blows for ruining the delicate, perfect balance between Harry and her, and wished she could deliver the same beating on him now. But she knew, of course, that whatever abuse she hurled on him, he would in turn hurl tenfold on the children.

So you can pound on him if you wanted to, but you couldn't stop him from taking it out on the kids afterwards? YAY LOGIC!

Quote :
She checked the kettle again, and sampled a touch of the meat. Still fairly tender.

"Mum?"

Meat's a little TOO fresh, I think.

Quote :
She turned. Little Rose, just eight years old, stood in the kitchen doorway. Hermione realized with increased frustration that she was still in her playclothes, and that her face was still dirty from playing outside. Ron wouldn't like that.

ThE WEaslEY WoULDn't LiKe THaT!

Quote :
She had pushed Ron – gently, as always – for a newer, bigger apartment, but Ron simply roared at her, calling her a stuck-up pig with her fancy airs while he slaved day and night at the Auror office, and that by God, she would be satisfied with what she had. She had bit her tongue and said no more that day, but she knew that with an Auror's salary they could afford an apartment ten times bigger, if Ron didn't drink and whore it away.

You'd think if Ron were this big a slavering ogre, Harry would've picked up on it by now. You know, being Ron's best friend and co-worker.

Quote :
The whores. Oh yes, she knew about the whores, and every night when he came to bed, grinning his wolfish grin, she would lie back and pray that he had not brought back whatever foul disease lay between those women's legs. So far the secret tests she had done on herself showed she was clean, but there was always that one chance…

In case you haven't picked on it: Ron's an utter pig now.

Quote :
The drinking as well was something she had hoped to pray away as well. Each night as he sat at the head of the table (for he would sit nowhere else), he had to have his tot of gin beside him. It was always empty long before the meal had finished, which given the speed at which Ron shoveled food into his mouth said something. But that was just the beginning. There were always the three or four beers while he sat in his underwear listening to the latest commentary on the Chudley Cannons over the radio, and of course the nightcap to prepare him for his nightly enjoyment. Hermione had often considered sneaking a nightcap herself, to dull the inevitable pain of their intimacy, but Ron kept a jealous watch over his bottles and could tell if so much as a mouthful had been removed. Furthermore, the sight of Ron, slumped over in his easy chair in a drunken stupor, was enough to make the thought of touching alcohol loathsome to her.

And still a pig!

Quote :
When Hugo was six months old she was finally ready to leave him again – only for him to point out, slyly, that wizarding laws granted custody of the children to the father in divorces initiated by witches, since any witch who wanted to leave her husband was clearly incapable of being a good mother.

*COUGH*madeupbullshit*COUGH*

Quote :
When Ron realized she would no longer bow to his demands, he instead threatened to turn his abuse on the children. She scoffed at him, thinking he would never dare hurt his own flesh and blood. But the day she had come home from grocery shopping to find Ron in his chair with a beer in hand and a smile on his face, while Rose lay on the carpet softly sobbing, nursing a black eye, was the day she realized that there was no low he wouldn't stoop to control her, no yank too powerful on the invisible chain around her neck.

At which point she sent an owl to Mrs. Weasley. Who in turn sent Bill, Charlie, Percy and George to "have a talk" with their wayward sib.

This bears mocking reading further!
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Fri May 13, 2011 12:33 am

szaleniec wrote:
and for some reason the author is under the impression that meat in a stew becomes less tender as it cooks for longer.

I thought she was saying if she took the stew off the heat, the meat would toughen up. Which just makes me wonder what kind of dog food she's buying.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Fri May 13, 2011 5:49 pm

The author's interpretation of Ron appears to be inspired by this load of crap (sporking here) but as it's never credited we don't get any indication of what Ron's motivations might be. As such he becomes a diabolus ex machina, completely uninteresting to read about. I only found the article because I Googled [ron hermione abuse] because I was morbidly curious as to how anyone can defend such a characterisation.

Freezer wrote:
*cracks knuckles* I thank you, szaleniec, for unearthing something that inspired me to dust off the old mocking skills.
You're welcome. Smile I hadn't snarked anything on here myself for a while - been mostly on LJ.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Sat May 14, 2011 12:23 am

And Chapter 2:

Quote :
Ron's bellow reached her far before he did.

Unless he's The Flash, sound does that.

Quote :
With a quick flick of her wrist she removed the pot from the sink, dried it and set it on the table. Silverware, plates and glasses quickly flew out of their shelves and placed themselves neatly on the table. If there was one thing she could still be proud of in her sorry life, it was that she set an excellent table.

1) I notice no one's using their wands here. Foreshadowing or just laziness? (Guess which one I'm thinking?)
2) Aim high, Grrl!

Quote :
She untied her apron and went to the hallway to greet Ron. "I'm sorry to hear that. I made stew."

"It's flavored just like you like it: bitter and rancid!"

Quote :
Even though his lips barely brushed her cheek, Hermione could still smell the alcohol on his breath. "That's nice. Is the gin ready?"

You'd think a raging alcoholic like this would go straight for the cheap whiskey (or the nearest magical equivalent)

Quote :
The gin. With a cold pang of horror she realized she forgot to set out the gin.

"I'll get it ready right away!" She said, her attempt at a cheerful voice ringing with nervousness, and tried to beat a retreat to the kitchen to get it out.

He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back.

"It's Cold Gin time again, bitch!"

Quote :
The slap fell hard and sharp, stinging her cheek. "I've got enough shit to deal with at the office without having to come home to an airhead wife. That's just a warning to remind you for next time. And there better not be a next time."

"Y-yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes…dear."

In case you've forgotten: Ron's an abusive, alcoholic asshole.

Quote :
He let her go. "Better. Now let's see if you didn't forget dinner along with the gin." He continued to the kitchen, yelling "Children! Come and greet your father!"

Rose: Uncle Harry's here?

Quote :
Rose came slowly, reluctantly from the bedroom she shared with Hugo. She was dressed in a neat little skirt and blouse, her hair tied up in a bow. Ron looked at her approvingly.

"Nice to see your mother can do something properly after all." His brow darkened. "But where's your brother?"

"Finishing up the voodoo daaaI mean..."

Quote :
Rose's eyes widened. "He – he was getting dressed when I left, Daddy."

Ron stepped closer to her, and she shrank back as he looked down from his enormous height. "And why isn't he dressed now?"

"Because it's midnight?"

Quote :
"Would you care to inform me why my own son would be late to greet his father?"

"Because I'm six, have no attention span and I kinda hate you?"

Quote :
"I…I was taking care of a birdie, Daddy."

"A birdie?"

"Yes, it hit the bedroom window this morning after you left and fell in the windowbox but I could tell it was still breathing, so I brought it in and made it a little nest out of a shoebox and socks, and I know you don't like pets Daddy but please can't we keep him, he won't be a bother I promise –"

Hugo was cut off by Ron accio'ing the birdie then devouring it whole in front them.

Quote :
But Ron was already ignoring him, striding into the other room and slamming the door behind him. Hugo tried to run to the door, but Hermione grabbed him and held him close – whatever Ron did to the bird, it would be far better than what he would do to Hugo if he tried to interfere.

For a brief moment there was the sound of Ron shuffling through drawers and closets, followed by a brief pause.

Then a soft snap, like the breaking of a twig.

Have we mentioned Ron's a complete monster, yet?

Quote :
The door opened, and Ron strode out, a look of utter disgust on his face. He dropped the bird before Hugo, its broken neck causing the head to lie at a grotesque angle from the body.

I'm pretty sure bird necks don't work like that, but whatever...

Quote :
You coward, Hermione thought to herself. You foul, loathsome little cockroach, you kill the one thing in the house that could make that boy happy and now you stand there like you're the Goddamn reincarnation of Merlin…She thought back to a happier memory involving Ron and birds, and fought the urge to smile.

Mark "Never Live It Down" on your TV Tropes bingo card, folks.

Quote :
Hugo picked up the bird, tears streaming silently down his face as he struggled not to make a sound lest his father accuse him of "blubbering," and gently placed it in the fireplace.

Ron drew his wand. "Incendio."

If you're going that route, wouldn't Reducto or Scourgify cause much less colatieral damage? Of course, being as destructive as possible was probably the point.

Quote :
Scarlet and orange flame suddenly sheathed the bird, and as she watched it burn away to a blackened skeleton Hermione imagined for one wild moment that it was actually a phoenix who would rise from the ashes, singing its beautiful song to drive Ron away into an unspeakable darkness and carrying her and the children away on its golden-red wings to some beautiful paradise, the way Harry had described Fawkes carrying away Dumbledore…

Would you shut the fuck up about Harry and focus on your ludricrously abusive husband traumatizing your kids?

Quote :
Dinner started off extremely quiet; the only noise heard was the loud sound of Ron as he chewed huge chunks of food

*insert cartoonish sounds of gluttony*

Quote :
and took gulp after gulp of the gin sitting next to him.

That's not alcoholism, that's "actively trying to drink yourself to death."

Quote :
The rest of the family sat silently, miserably staring at their plates, unable to touch their stews. To Hermione, the brown and grey stew sitting in front of her looked like vomit – appropriate enough, since she wanted more than anything to throw up, sick with the guilt that was wracking her body.

Dear Miss Writer Lady (hoy!); You can go overboard in both a character's suffering and her reactions to same. You've gone so far over the line you're about to lap yourself.

Quote :
This was all her fault. She should have left him and taken the children when she had the chance. She should have gone somewhere – so what if she had nowhere to go

The Burrow? Your parents? Luna? Neville? The rest of the staff at Hogwarts? Harry? Andromeda Black? That's a whole lotta "nowhere."

Quote :
and no money of her own, she was young, she still had the famous Granger smarts that had won her so many accolades at Hogwarts and had helped to defeat the Dark Lord. She could make it.

Naturally, she gave up all her aspirations once she married Ron. Or more to the fic's spirit: Ron forced her to give them up?

Quote :
"What's the matter? Death in the family?" Ron chuckled at his joke, unaware of its stupidity "I must say, Hermione, you managed to make food halfway right for once, though of course it can't compare to Mum's –"

"If you like you mother's food so much, why didn't you just stay with her?"

Ron stopped chewing. "What?"

SHE... SAID... Oh, never mind!

Quote :
"I said, if you liked your mother's food so much, why didn't you just stay with her?"

Hermione's rage had grown so livid that she barely felt the blow on her jaw; she continued to sit there, casting her smoldering glare at Ron who seemed utterly baffled at why she didn't yield this time.

"It's like she remembered she's stronger than me or something!"

Quote :
"I don't know what you saw in me," she continued, unrelenting.

Then reread books three through seven.

Quote :
"You never seem to think anything I do is good enough –"

"Don't you dare!" Hermione shouted, as she and her voice rose to meet him, "You have the audacity to call me lazy when I struggle night and day to keep this apartment clean, all in spite of your filth –"

"I mean, it's like you don't even aim for the toilet!"

Quote :
Ron, reduced to sputtering incoherent rage, backed away, raising his arm in preparation for a haymaker, but Hermione was undeterred.

"And don't you dare call me a slut, don't pretend I don't know about you visiting those 'love hotels' or whatever they call whorehouses these days

They've never whorehouses "love hotels." Those are a Japanese thing, anyway. The closest Western equivalent would the "no-tell motel." I don't know if they even have those in Britain. Besides, where would Hermione pick up that phrase, anyway? She doesn't strike me as a big anime or manga consumer.

Quote :
Ron's fist swung, hitting her in the jaw and knocking her back on the kitchen floor. She scrambled to get up, sitting on her elbows and hatred bubbling inside her as she continued to scream.

As the tiny, beaten-down canon Hermione continued to scream "USE YOUR WAND YOU STUPID BINT!!!"

Quote :
"I don't know why I let you do this to me, but you won't do it any more, I'll take the kids and go far, far away from you, Wizard law be damned –"

Ron now walked forward, a horrible look of anger and disgust across his face – only to be knocked back as if by a punch in the gut.

Followed by an unseen voice saying "Kreacher demands an explanation for this bullshit!"

Quote :
Ordinarily, Hermione would have wondered how she was able to display such wandless magic. But now, she didn't care how it managed to manifest: all that mattered was that she could use it to get back everything he had ever done to her.

Magical blow after magical blow fell on Ron, twisting and turning him like he was some grotesque rag doll. He buffeted back and forth as invisible punches, kicks and jabs attacked his arms, his legs, and his torso. He howled in pain and fell over as one attack blew out his knees causing him to collapse.

If Hermione is having some sort of magical rage explosion, shouldn't Ron have gone down in one horrible blast?

Quote :
Hermione was on her feet by this time, walking over to Ron. She watched in mute hatred as his face was reduced to a bloody pulp by the physical manifestation of her rage. Now it was time for the final blow.

"KAMEEEE... HAMEEEE..."

Quote :
Ron's mouth, swollen from the beating and filled with blood and teeth, began to emit sounds she supposed were words asking for mercy. Truth be told, his current moaning wasn't that much different from his speech in the past. She ignored him and turned her attention to the torso, imagining a mighty hand surrounding it and squeezing it like Ron had no doubt squeezed the bird…

Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't only the strongest of the strong portrayed as capable of doing controlled wandless magic (read: Dumbledore and Voldemort?).

Quote :
Maintaining her iron grip on the torso, Hermione brought Ron to a sitting position. Slowly, gently, she began to turn his head.

Tears, snot, blood and saliva made a runny mess down Ron's face as he sniveled, still trying to moan meaningless apologies. He eventually trailed off, unable to think of anything more, and there was a brief silence.

Then a loud snap, like the breaking of a branch.

Ladies and gentlemen: Darth Granger.

Quote :
Ron fell backward; his head twisted in a grotesque position. His body let out a few twitches as the last few synapses fired signals to dead muscle. Finally, he was still.

Hermione let out a gasp and nearly fell over herself. She had not realized how exhausted the process had made her. Then with a guilty start, she remembered her children.

Who were sitting behind her eating popcorn. Hugo had a tiny "Go Team Granger" banner.

Quote :
"Are we leaving now, Mommy?" Hugo asked.

"Yes." She replied

"Forever?"

"Hell no! I'm coming back as soon as I can get a "Do Not Fuck With The Granger" banner for the fireplace.

Quote :
"Yes." She said, getting down and embracing both of her children. "Forever."

She was unable to move for several minutes as she sat there hugging her children, who in their infant wisdom realized it was best to stand there and remain quiet. Finally, she pulled herself together.

"Let's go."

Quietly, to avoid disturbing the neighbors, Hermione lead the children through the apartment, down the hall and stairs, and out into the street.

So she's forgotten how to apparate or use floo powder along with her canon skills and personality? Perfect!
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Sat May 14, 2011 4:52 am

Ugh, this author apparently has no idea how 'real' domestic violence works. I know that's probably needlessly picky; but if you're going to stray into that territory you'd better effing-well do it properly. Abusive people aren't just spawns of hell who do EVERYTHING wrong by their children and partners. If that were the case; abused husbands and wives would leave each other all the time. As it is, they stick together because they're still in love with the other person; believing that the moments where their partner is not being abusive make it worth it, or that they deserve the occasional beatings they receive.

Somebody being domestically abusive does not mean they become bloody Satan and want to slaughter or injure everyone and everything in their path; even small birds. I just had to laugh at that part because it was the final nail in the coffin for the character of Abusive Ron's believability.

I don't agree with all this canon rape but Jesus, if you're going to rape canon at least do it properly.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Sat May 14, 2011 9:00 pm

Ladies and gentlemen: Darth Granger.

If you don't mind, I'm appropriating that for my sig.

I've never read the Harry Potter books and only saw part of one of the movies, but even I know this is so far removed from canon it might as well be an original fandom.

Lovely job, Freezer. I especially liked little Hugo holding a 'Go Granger!' banner.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Sat May 14, 2011 9:23 pm

This has a TV Tropes page for what it's worth.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Sun May 15, 2011 5:00 am

Being on Team Granger here is basically the same as being on Team Anakin. They whine, whine, whine....and then brutally kill people, when they could just as well have solved the problem in a million other, less violent ways.



At least Psycho! Anakin is canon....
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Sun May 15, 2011 5:14 am

Let's keep it rolling: Chapter 3:

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(A/N: Thanks for the positivity you guys! But I NEED REVIEWS DAMMIT! No reviews make me a sad panda 8o(

You probably really don't want real reviews, bb...

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Also, thank you Raquelle you fabulous beta you!)

This thing had a beta and it still ended up like this?!

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Stout, portly Ginny Weasley

I get the feeling she had to be talked down from writing "fat ginger whore Ginny Weasley."

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looked down the stairs of Number 12, Grimmauld Place, a hairbrush in one hand and a stick of lipstick in the other. Clad in the yellow designer evening
dress she insisted that Harry buy for her the last time they had visited Madame Malkin's, she called out to her husband.

Wasn't she a star Quiddich player at the time of the epilogue? Wouldn't have a lot more money than Harry at this point?

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Harry, who had only just entered from a long day of counteracting curses and chasing down a particularly nasty Neo-Death Eater,

And not noticing his best friend was a an alcoholic caveman...

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sighed and went up. Better to get it over with than having to deal with it any longer.

Ginny was already waiting for him in her bedroom (for she had always insisted on separate bedrooms),

Cap'n - the Bullshit readings are off th' scale!

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topless as the halter top of her dress hung at her waist.

Along with her nipples. (What? You know she was thinking it.)

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"What took you so long?" she whined. "I can understand arriving fashionably late but this is simply the limit!" She turned. "Now, be a dear and tie this up, would you? Mary is already getting the children dressed. I still don't see why you had to dismiss that house-elf of yours. Kreacher would have been dead useful in dealing with the children."

Kreacher was Sirius' elf, not Harry's. Though I suppose he would sort of "come with" the house. Of course that brings up the question of why Harry would choose to move his family there. Not exactly the happiest memories there.

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Harry finally took his chance to speak in this rare moment of silence from Ginny.

The stupid fat whore...

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"I don't understand why we have to go to this party. I thought you hated the Malfoys."

"Of course I do! But they are the most fashionable and well-to-do family in the Wizarding World, and it would be simply uncouth not to go. Besides," she added with a wicked grin, "Malfoy's son is only a few years older than Lily, and I think they get along perfectly…"

Said stupid, fat whorish bad judge of character, Ginny...

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Harry gritted his teeth. It was now or never. "Ginny, I want a divorce."

Ginny stopped her chatter about what Lily and Scorpius' future children would look like. She stood there, her mouth open stupidly, as if unable to comprehend what had just happened. Finally, she spoke.

"Excuse me?"

Apparently parties with the Malfoys are the last straw.

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Ginny turned to him. By now, he had finished tying up the dress, and he couldn't see much of a difference from when the top was down. The halter consisted of solely of two narrow straps just wide enough to cover her nipples, while the skirt had two slits on either side leading up to the thighs. Everything else – her back, her midriff, her legs, and all around her breasts – was totally visible. And quite frankly, he wished it wasn't. Ever since Lily was born, Ginny had let herself go. Every time Harry tried to broach the subject, she would loudly proclaim that her eating habits were just fine, thank you, that Harry was being unfair and sexist in trying to make her lose weight, and did he really expect her to keep her Quidditch-toned figure after three children? So Harry had sat and watched silently as Ginny poured pancakes with bacon, steak and pork smothered in rich sauces, and a whole litany of desserts down her throat, and watched as it all went to her hips, her butt, her thighs, and her stomach – but never, he thought bitterly, to her breasts.

So she's a fat, vain gluttonous whore... with small breasts. Lovely.

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"Why?"

Because apparently you've turned into Jabba The Slut.

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Now that Harry had started, he realized he needed to finish. "I don't love you anymore. There's no point in staying married. We're, we're just like two roommates who don't get along very well."

"You'd think the twentieth time I went "Oh Hermione! I mean 'Luna!'" in bed, that would've been clear."

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"Roommates!" Ginny shrieked, her hand flung out in a claw-like shape. For a moment Harry thought Ginny was going to hit him. But then, she apparently thought better of it, and dropped her hand. She walked towards him slowly, her voice now a low, seductive purr.

Reminiscent of someone gargling gravy, no doubt.

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"I know what this is. This is just you taking that last little spat we had a little too far. Well, I have something that will definitely make you forget it, and you can have as much of it as you want…" She was now practically on top of him, pushing him towards the bed as she fiddled with the buttons on his shirt.

Harry pushed her back. "That won't work Ginny. It might have worked when I was young and pent-up and full of hormones,

"And before there were two of you..."

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but I know better now. I want a divorce."

Ginny backed up, her mind now switching to a different tactic. "Who is it? Who's the filthy slut that's put you up to this?"

"You. Next question?"

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Harry laughed, thinking it was awfully rich for Ginny to be calling anyone a "filthy slut."

"There isn't anyone else, Ginny. Just me telling you I want a divorce. Is that really so hard to believe?"

"Yes. You might have noticed I'm extremely vain and stupid now."

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"It's Hermione, isn't it?" Her voice turned into a snarl. "It's that little Mudblood tramp, isn't it?"

Harry felt the blood rush to his face.

"Now would probably be a bad time to ask 'Which one,' wouldn't it?"

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He was already used to Ginny's pureblood prejudice – her supposed commitment to equal rights during the days of Dumbledore's Army had been nothing more than mere posturing, all in the hopes of capturing his attention


Yes, because dropping the pretense and letting your husband know that you'd consider his mother inferior is just a part of marriage compromise!

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but the fact that she had brought up Hermione's name made him see red.

"It has nothing to do with Hermione and all to do with you," he finally replied, struggling to keep his voice down for the children's sake. They already were getting an earful every other night; there was no need for them to hear any more.

"Of course it has to do with Hermione! I saw the way you looked at her back at Hogwarts – I knew you still had feelings for her, and you still had the audacity to marry me –"

"Back when you said she was like a sister to you. Back when you had the chance to shag each other rotten and no one would've thought twice about it. How dare you stay true to me!"

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"I did not have any feelings for her when I married her and I certainly don't now!" Harry shouted back, though he realized more and more what a blatant lie this was. Hermione never would have gone to a party at the Malfoys, no matter how rich or influential they were.

That entire thing in the Epilogue suggesting they and the Malfoys had made peace being a big fat lie, apparently...

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Hermione never would have worn such a downright whorish dress to any kind of party. And Hermione would never have turned into the selfish, shrieking, harridan that now stood before him.

Not that the "real" Hermione turned out much better, all things considered.

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"Yes you do! Don't lie! You'd better get over it because she isn't yours anymore; she's Ron's, just like you're mine –"

Ron. At the sheer mention of his name, Harry felt his hand tense, ready to slap her. He resisted.

Umm... Why? Explain, fic! Explain! [/nostagiacritic]

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"Hermione is her own person – she can't be owned by anyone, just like I can't be owned by you."

"Bullshit!" Ginny's voice now reached earsplitting levels. "You've always wanted what Ron had, you always had to be famous, always the big hero!"

For those who aren't familiar with the Harry Potter series, it would take an essay to properly explain what utter bullshit the above sentences are. Teal Dear version: Part of Ron's character was his inferiority complex, especially when it came to Harry. The only thing Harry was envious of WRT Ron was his big happy family.

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"That's not true and you know it!" Harry roared back. Whatever considerable hatred he felt towards Ginny was now targeted tenfold at that complete arse Ronald Weasley, who could never do a damn thing on his own even now as an Auror, who never, never appreciated Hermione the way he did. And now, Hermione was putting up with his lies, his insecurity, his inability to even do something as simple as tie his own shoes without hurling insults at her, and the thought filled him with white-hot fury.

So Harry was aware of Ron The (might as well be) Death Eater. He just did nothing about it. I think I preferred Implausibly Oblivious!Harry.

And speaking of "implausibilities," given how dangerous we're told Auror work is, if Ron was the drunken load portrayed as here, wouldn't he have been cursed into another species by now, at best?

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Ginny's voice came to him from a distance, dimly shouting about all the ridiculous ways he had demeaned Ron and the rest of her family, but he no longer cared. Harry could only focus on the smug smirking face of Ron on his wedding day, while Hermione stood beside him with a frozen grin on her face. He should have stood up there, should have shouted his objection like the hero of some romantic Muggle movie, and carried her out of the church and away from them all.

The resulting beatdown from Clan Weasley may or may not have been worth it.

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He couldn't hear Ginny's shrieking any longer, he could only feel his urge to reach out to whatever place that miserable waste of flesh Ron was, to strangle him, tear him apart…clear as day in his mind's eye, he could see Ron, feeling blow after blow on his wretched body as Harry sent curse after curse at him (there would be no ridiculous dealing of Experillamus), beating him to a bloody pulp.

I smell foreshadowing of a ridiculous Deus Ex Machina!

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"Harry, you listen to me!"

The slap fell hard against her check, sending her reeling back. She stopped her shrieking, rubbing her cheek in mute disbelief.

"Get out." Harry pointed towards the door. It was as if that slap had drained all the energy out of him, reducing his voice to a dull monotone.

Remember, kids; Hitting women is okay when the good guys do it!

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"I've already talked to my lawyer. The papers are drawn up and you can come to his office to sign them in the morning. In the meantime –" He drew out his wand and, with a few quick flicks, filled a suitcase with her clothes "– I want you to get out."

"I'll take the children," she hissed. "I'll sue for full custody of the children and I'll damn well make sure you never see them again."

Hey LADY! Miss Writer Lady, hoy! Didn't you just establish that in the Wizarding world, custody goes to the father, period. Then again, like hitting women, the rules probably don't apply to the protagonists.

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Harry laughed bitterly. Of course she would use the children as a weapon against him. It wasn't like she saw them as actual beings. "I've already gone over that with the lawyer. We put together a little portfolio of your behavior as a mother, and I don't think any judge in their right mind would let you near the children once they've taken a look through."

You stop that real world logic right this instant, Missy! It stands out like a bad green screen effect here!

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"Why should you care about them? They're not even yours!" Ginny drew herself up, triumphant at finally playing the ace up her sleeve.

And we play the "Ginny is a miserable skank and I hate her" trump card.

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Harry paused. "I know. And I don't care. Now get out."

...Not gonna lie: that was well played.

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She walked to the bed to take the suitcase, but couldn't resist one last attempt at melodrama. With a twist of her hand she took off her wedding ring (but not, he noticed, her gold engagement ring with the five-carat blue diamond) and threw it on the floor. She smirked at Harry, daring him to respond.

Wordlessly, he took off his own ring and dropped it on the floor beside hers.

I'll take "She's An Evil Skank: We Get It Already" for $2000, Alex!

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As it finally sunk in that he no longer wanted her, the smirk on her face faded. Struggling to keep her pride, she grabbed the suitcase and her wand from the dresser, and walked out of the room. Harry listened as she stormed down the creaky stairs and, a moment later, the front door slammed.

"So... We still on for the party?"
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Sun May 15, 2011 5:38 am

The worst offence isn't the fact that Ginny's a bitch, but that she dared to put on weight! But her boobs stayed small! How dare she?!!! Angry

I just don't think that Ginny would ever say "bullshit".

Also, how dare the suethor quote Sexual Harassment Panda? This is crossing a line, right here.

Boy howdy, these Weasleys are a bunch of bastards. Shocked
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Sun May 15, 2011 7:26 am

The OOC going on around everywhere is beginning to burn my eyes.

This author has definitely won this year's Award for Most Ludicrous Canon Rape.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 16, 2011 1:13 am

And on to Chapter 4:

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(A/N PEOPLE! Thanks for the reviews so far, but I NEED MORE! So I'm holding my next chapter hostage until I recieve...25 MORE REVIEWS! MUAHAHA! *lighting crash*

So where is "Holding your fic up until I get X reviews" fall on the "Most Obnoxious Things A Fic Writer Can Do" list?

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So recc this to your friends, aquaintances, and strangers! Get me new readers NOW!

Make me!

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And thanks always to my lovely beta Raquelle!)

Yes, thank you oh so BLOODY much...

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Harry asked no questions when Hermione arrived, half an hour later on his doorstep, her children in hand.

He'd read the script.

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In a sense, he felt like he had been expecting her – as if he had cleared Ginny out of the way to make room in the house for Hermione.

And all it took on her part was a decade of horrific abuse (which you did nothing about) and a murder by Epic Force Choke.

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He had been sitting with his own children in the family room, explaining why he and Mummy wouldn't be living with one another anymore, when Mary came in to announce "Mrs. Weasley".

So why, exactly do the Potters have a human maid, anyway? For that matter, how? Aurors don't make that much, do they?

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For a second, Harry's stomach churned. Dealing with the daughter was bad enough; dealing with the mother would be absolute murder.


Okay, assassinate Ginny's character if you must. But when you drag Mrs. Weasley into it, them's fightin' words! Angry

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But relief washed over him when he saw it was Hermione, along with Rose and Hugo, who entered the room. He felt his relief multiply further as he saw she was unaccompanied by that red-haired brute.

Ron Weasley: Dead. Still a monster.

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He stood up to greet her, and then paused as he saw her tear-stained face.

"Harry," she began, stammering. "Would…would you mind terribly if we were to stay for a few days? It's just…"

"YES!"

"I know it's sudden, but I really..."

"YES!

"I should be able to handle things on my own. I should be stronger but..."

"Woman, would you stop being Lifetime Movie Victim #12 and listen?"

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"Mrs. Weasley and I are going to go out for a short walk. Can the five of you behave yourselves and play together nicely while we're gone?"

Lily and Albus nodded, while James looked somewhat reluctant at the idea. Nevertheless, he lead the others down the hall to the playroom.

Rose: YAY! Let's play "How Mommy Brutally Murdered Daddy!"
Hugo: I get to be Daddy!

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He turned back to Hermione. "Come on. I know a lovely little place we can go. Just the two of us."

Or you could just walk and talk. This isn't a romantic date. Or at least it really REALLY shouldn't be...

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The streets of London were deserted that night as Hermione and Harry silently walked side by side.


Why do these stories ALWAYS assume Adult!Harry and crew live in London? Even if they didn't settle in one of the Wizarding enclaves, London isn't the only big city in the UK, Ya know! #petpeeviness

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Each one felt questions tumbling over and over again in their heads, but they could not imagine how to say them, or even if this was the time to say them. Better to wait until they reached their destination.

Of course, they'll just end up blurting out "I've always loved you" at the same time in the most twee fashion possible.

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The Oyster Shell was a cheap diner, but it was the go-to joint when you needed your artery-clogging fix.

I have no idea what that means.

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Finally, Hermione spoke. "So how's Ginny?"

"Fat, skanky and horrible. The same, in other words. How's Ron?"
"Killed him. Turned his body into a log. Threw him in the fireplace."
"Well... Must say that's an improvement."

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Harry shrugged. "Don't know. As of forty minutes ago, she's no longer my problem."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I told her to get out."

Hermione caught her breath. It took a moment before she could speak again. "Really?"

"Yes, but... Is that end zone dance really necessecary, Hermione?"

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"Really really. I don't know what possessed me to marry her in the first place. Maybe I felt sorry for her, maybe it was just some momentary lust."

"Meh. I'll just blame the whole thing on Dumbledore and move on."

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He smiled. "But at least I got the kids. That's the one good thing that came out of this mess." He shook his head. "But look at me! I'm being so selfish right now. I ought to be talking about you, asking questions about you. How are you? How is –" He gulped. "– Ron?"

Hermione took a deep breath. Now was the moment. "He's dead."

"...Look, I don't care how horrible he was, doing the 'Cabbage Patch' is an inappropriate reaction."

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"Dead?" Harry mentally scolded himself for being cheered at the thought.

For about five seconds, then he started doing mental victory laps.

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"Yes. I…I killed him."

Harry started. "Killed?"

"Yes, 'Killed.' 'Offed.' 'Took out.' 'Put down.' 'Whacked.' 'Busted a spell in his arse.'"

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And for the next few minutes, alternating between sobs and tears, she unfurled her whole story to Harry: The time the abuse started, the times she had tried to walk out, the times he had reeled her back with threats of death and divorce custody, and finally the time he had snapped the bird's neck, causing something to snap inside her and to send him to a horrific fate.

"So years of him abusing you and your children were bearable? But him croaking some random budgie set your dial to 'Burning Bed'?"
"...Shut up."

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"And now…now I don't know what to do or where to go, so I came to you, because it seemed like you were the only one I could trust,

"So the fact that the sister of the guy you just killed would likely be here didn't enter into your thoughts at all?"
"...Shut up."

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oh Harry, please, please don't be angry at me –"

Harry moved from the seat across from Hermione to sitting next to her, gently wrapping his arms around her shoulders as he cradled her and rocked her back and forth. For a few moments, the two sat there, entwined, enjoying the smell, the touch, the sheer sensation of each others' bodies.

He then whipped out the Invisibility Cloak, cast a sound-killing spell and they proceeded to go crazy on each other. Or am I reading ahead?

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Even now, with her in his arms, he recalled the way they had slept chastely together during their search of the Horcruxes, locked together like two swimmers fighting the rising maelstrom.

You know, the more that gets brought up the less sense it makes that they never did anything, considering how achingly in love they were with each other (apparently).

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Harry heard a polite cough. The waiter was standing there, carrying their orders.

"Sir; for 10£, we can let you use an empty storage closet and a yoga mat for an hour..."
"Check back after dessert."
"Very good, Sir."

Harry waved him off. "Just put those down here."

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The waiter set the plates down and hurried off to the counter, where he started to wash spoons and coffee mugs vigorously.

Giving them both the "It's closing time. Take the fucking hint" stare.

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"I just want you to know Hermione, no matter what – my doors are always open to you. You have always been my dearest friend,

"Since the universe has twisted around to make it so we've both always hated Ron..."

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you've seen me through everything,

Other than rescuing Buckbeak in Book 3, what did Harry and Hermione do together that Ron wasn't explicity a positive part of?


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"You'd be alright with taking in a criminal – with housing a murderer?"

"To call you a murderer would be to say that thing you killed was human, and from what you've told me he clearly was anything but. You were acting not only in self-defense, but in the defense of your children. If this were a just world, no court would convict you."

You've clearly never seen an episode of Law & Order (any flavor).

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Hermione let out a snort. "Somehow, I doubt the Wizarding World is enlightened enough to understand the feelings of an abused wife. My God, do you think I would have stayed married to him if divorce hadn't meant I would lose my children?"

Of course, that would've been just the kind of gross injustice Canon!Hermione would've thrown herself, body and soul, into fighting. But I digress...

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Harry paused. She was right, as usual. The longer Harry lived in the Wizarding World, the more Harry wished he had never received that strange parchment letter in the mail one summer morning so many years ago.

Sure! Being emotionally abused and treated as an unwanted burden was a far superior fate to living in your parents world of magic... #youfuckingdolt.

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The way it denied the sacred healing acts of witchcraft in favor of the violent virility of wizardry, the way it covered women in hideous robes to conceal their natural beauty.

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Hermione took a few bites of the buttered toast she had ordered with her tea. "Now, I'm just worried about what happens next. I can't stay with you forever…"

Even though I want you to, Harry thought to himself.

"…And I'm worried about what will happen to the children."

"The Chateau de Noir." Harry said abruptly.

"What?"

"The Chateau de Noir. It's the Black family home in France, where the Blacks went to get away from the world. I found out about it after digging through some old family records, but apparently Dumbledore didn't tell me about it after Sirius died."

A) "Chateau de Noir" is French for "Pulled from my ass" isn't it?
B) Why would it be Dumbledore's job to tell you about it? Was he in charge of Sirius' estate?
C) Why didn't Sirius use it when he was a wanted Wizard?

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"Yes well, that's hardly new, isn't it? There were a lot of things that Dumbledore didn't feel like telling us. Things that would have made a huge bloody difference."

"True," Harry replied. In the years since Dumbledore's death his affection for the man had cooled considerably.

So much so you named your eldest son after him. #youfuckingdolt

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"Nevertheless, the Chateau de Noir would be perfect for us. It would get us out of the country – "

"Us?"

"Yes." His voice softened.

"Unless you want me to repeat all this when the Ministry comes to investigate the disappearance of an Auror and his entire family..."

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"Us. I'm coming with you." He took a deep breath. It was now or never. "Hermione, the truth is…I love you. I don't know how it started or how it began, but somehow I realized I always loved you. I know this might not be the right time or the right place but I don't care. I just want to take you and the kids away, away from the grime and muck in this world and start afresh. We can live at the Chateau, we can get married right in the Grand Hall, we can send the kids to Beauxbatons…we can live happily ever after, if you would just give me your hand."

...You do realize you're not actually divorced yet, yes? Other that, this sounds like a WONDERFUL plan! #formetopoopon


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Hermione, for a moment, was overcome. It the past few hours her emotions had done a complete one-eighty, spiraling up from the darkest despair to the ultimate happiness. She finally choked down the lump in her throat to take his hands and say:

"Yes. Yes Harry, oh Harry –"

"I would've killed that bastard, Ron, years ago if I had known things would work out like this!"

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When they finally broke apart, they became aware that the diner was now empty. The radio now blared Erasure's "Always."

Hermione giggled. "You know, I always loved this song. I know it's ridiculously cheesy and eighties, but it always made me so happy."

Eighties. 1994. Same diff.

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Without another word, Harry stood up and took her hand.

"Would the future Mrs. Potter care to dance with me?"

Hermione smiled and stood. "The future Mrs. Potter would be honored."

The mood was spoiled by a squad of Magical Law Enforcement agents apparating in to arrest Hermione.

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Wrapping his other arm around her waist, Harry pulled Hermione close, as she placed her head on his chest. Together, the two whirled around the restaurant as the jukebox blared on:

Always I want to be with you,

And make believe with you,

And live in harmony, harmony, oh love.

That last part makes me fear Chapter 5...
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 16, 2011 1:55 am

Is it written in stone that all stupid fantard authors must be under twenty? I get so sick of telling people that there was no internet in the eighties, and that nobody had a mobile in 1994. Even if everyone is 14, dude, do some fucking research. I'm 28 and I know about stuff that happened before I was born.

If you're going to quote a song, you should know what year it came out. It's not that hard.

Also, the "empty streeets of London" thing still annoys me to no end. I've been to London several times, and "the streets" (whatever they mean by that. It's a big city) are never empty. Hell, wherever in England I went, from the big places to the small villages, the streets were never empty. That's just dumb.

This fic isn't just stupid and OOC, it doesn't make any sense.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 16, 2011 4:55 am

I'm fairly certain we don't have diners with jukeboxes in, in London. It's er, not really a regular occurrence. I've been to one American-style diner in the whole of the UK, and it was in the middle of nowhere along a busy highway. Even THAT didn't have a jukebox.

Is it just me or are we generally confusing times and places here? Fifties, eighties, UK, US, who the hell knows anymore?

Additionally I'm sure she picked London because it's usually the only British city people are aware of if they haven't visited before. I can't count the times I've visited the US and the following conversation has occurred:

"I love the accent, where are you from?"
"I'm British."
*does not compute* "You're from England?"
"Yes."
"Ah! London?"

It is almost a hallmark of the ignorant that they try to show their vast knowledge of geography by immediately asking if you live in the only place in the UK that they've heard of. That's why it makes it into so many fanfics.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 16, 2011 6:12 am

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I'm fairly certain we don't have diners with jukeboxes in, in London.

Ehhh, I dunno. It's a huge city, and I've seen restaurants claiming authentic American-style stuff in Norwich...
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 16, 2011 6:31 am

You know, during my time in England (OMG Gretton is nowhere near London! Gasp!), we just used to, I don't know, go to the pub. Maybe that was due to the fact that, in my village, going to the pub was basically all you could do after work. Our options were limited in the country (but it was lovely).

I never noticed any diner of this sort in Corby, Kettering, Peterborough, either....or in London, come to that. They probably exist, but I don't remember any.
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PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 16, 2011 7:24 am

The Scientist wrote:
Maybe that was due to the fact that, in my village, going to the pub was basically all you could do after work.

Pubs n' clubs are basically that are there to do in this country. From what I've found so far, everything else requires a day-trip.
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JizzMasterZero
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Klingon Bastard
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Join date : 2010-09-10
Location : Mianus

PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 16, 2011 8:45 am

How do you go from that crazy overly-happy ending epilogue, to writing a fanfic like this??
I hate my own fandoms sometimes.
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The Scientist
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Join date : 2010-10-05
Location : Under Strangeland's Iron Sea

PostSubject: Re: Robot Harmonian Attack   Mon May 16, 2011 2:00 pm

Penguin wrote:
The Scientist wrote:
Maybe that was due to the fact that, in my village, going to the pub was basically all you could do after work.

Pubs n' clubs are basically that are there to do in this country. From what I've found so far, everything else requires a day-trip.

It did it Gretton. But then again, doing anything there (apart from going to the pub; there were four) required a day-trip.
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