Dimensia
Join date : 2011-02-13
Location : America
 | | Subject: Vampires are not supposed to be cute. Sun Feb 13, 2011 5:51 pm | |
| I thought about exploiting my non-matching names, but I'll play it straight. I am inviting the bashing of one of my old fics. Razzy Plush I am still proud of it, alternating with pure WTF. Jennifer is a blatant self-insert idealized Sue with psychic powers, but I recognize that attacks on her don't reflect on me personally. It was written with fans of the series in mind, so I made a lot of assumptions on what the reader knows. The end of this video shows what Raziel looks like without his scarf. Janos Audron videos. The magic involved isn't fully explained, and at the time even I didn't know one of the rules on how it works. In a world generally devoid of magic, there are people who have an instinct-driven ability to summon video game characters into dolls, and then the doll is able to change into the video game character at will. The doll-mage also has the ability to warp its creation's mind, take away its ability to be anything more than a doll, and the doll cannot harm its creator. - Quote :
- "Are you having second thoughts about this?" Raziel asked pointedly.
"I am constantly thinking about it," Jennifer said, "I don't want to face the possibility of having to destroy him if things don't work out."
Raziel cocked his head to the side, "Did you think of that when you summoned me?"
Jennifer stopped; she stared at the pieces of fabric in her hands. "No. At the time, I was only curious if I could actually do it. I..." she swallowed, sorrow causing her words to become choked. "I'm sorry."
"Would you have destroyed me?" Raziel asked. His tone was level, completely without emotion.
Jennifer looked straight into Raziel's eyes. "No. At least..." she drew a shuddering breath, she blinked and forced herself to meet Raziel's gaze once more. "If you had become a danger to others, then I would have."
"And what if you merely tire of my presence?" Raziel asked snidely.
Jennifer sighed, this again. "I don't think that will happen." She felt small pinpricks of tears forming in her eyes. "I don't want you to leave me, but I won't stop you either." I painted Jennifer as this pathetic woman who rarely stands up for herself. Even though I was playing with innuendos like mad, the decision for them to get romantic was a late stage switch because I mistakenly thought that someone was asking for it. I had decided that it would be necrophilia is they did, and didn't bother to re-evaluate that decision when I did get them into romance. I'm hiding the scene behind a spoiler tag for the sake of your sanity. - Spoiler:
The two retreated to the bedroom, but that's where the cruelty of their situation sunk in. It was not only rage, but also any powerful emotional state that caused Raziel to revert to his wraith form. He immediately flung Jennifer away from himself; the horror of what had happened caused him to shake. He turned away from her in shame.
Jennifer gently laid her fingers on Raziel's arm. She had realized why this happened, and all she wanted to do was comfort him.
"You must find me repulsive," Raziel choked.
"Raziel, you know that you're not your body," Jennifer said gently. "And I don't care what form you take." She pulled on Raziel's arm, forcing him to turn around and face her.
Jennifer gazed into Raziel's eyes for a long moment, and then she slowly reached up and stroked his brow. Her hand wandered down the side of Raziel's face. She stopped at his cowl, her fingers lingering on its edge. It was a question of respect, but Jennifer also knew that it would hurt Raziel unless he gave it up willingly.
Raziel reluctantly unwrapped his drape from his shoulders, letting it drop to his side. Jennifer brought her other hand up to Raziel's face and cradled his head gently between her palms. Without breaking her gaze, Jennifer slowly leaned towards Raziel. She let the side of her nose brush against his and then tenderly kissed his exposed fangs. Either this would prove to Raziel that Jennifer could love him in this form, or it would drive him away forever. Jennifer knew that she had to take this risk.
Raziel gently reached for Jennifer and held her loosely. His body had no softness; a tighter embrace would've been uncomfortable or even painful for Jennifer. Raziel watched her face. She did not flinch at his touch. Raziel wondered in agony how she could possibly tolerate being so close to his ruined form. He had been so repulsed by himself that he could barely endure it.
Almost the entire thing is sugar-coated even the violence. I guess it's pretty much a slice-of-life fic. If the old fans keep begging me for more of it, I might just kill Jennifer and invite people to take the plush universe. | |
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Los Christabel
Join date : 2009-10-04
| | Subject: Re: Vampires are not supposed to be cute. Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:22 pm | |
| I'm assuming this is based on Soul Reaver I and/or II, games for the Dreamcast? It's not bad of itself. However, it hardly matches the game in any real way. File this under the "Love of a Good Woman conquers All" meme. While the writing itself has nothing inherently wrong, the style itself does nothing for me. There's a reason why I don't read Danielle Steele and LaVyrle Spencer-too treacly! *shudder*
No, Raziel is NOT going to date your Sue OR fall madly in TWU WUB, but then, you already know that. This thing is not irredeemable. Cut the mushy stuff, forget about romance and add equal amounts of action and piss and vinegar. Plenty of plotline to work with. | |
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