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 Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!

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JizzMasterZero
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PostSubject: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Sat Jan 29, 2011 9:27 pm

So everyone knows how awesome the Jurassic Park movies are (Except maybe the third one... but dinosaurs!) and I know this just as much as everyone else, maybe even more so. So after watching all three movies in a row... multiple times in a few weeks, I decided to see what the great folks at ff.net had to offer for fanfiction.

Sadly, I came across [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].
And since everyone read the title of this thread, lets just jump right in!


Quote :
I groaned in pain as I awoken. I sat up slowly and winced. I could tell my body was badly bruised. I pulled up my shirt, looking at my torso. Yep. I was right. Bruises. I sighed as I dropped the black tank top.
Oh great. First person Mary-Sue. This will help the audience connect and relate, right?

Quote :
My orange amber eyes


Quote :
So this must be the island with all of the dinosaurs. I started to hear a call. It sounded like it needed help. I headed towards the source. I only heard that call. There was no answer back or anything. I came into a small clearing only to see a Velociraptor trapped in a trap. It looked like a bear trap.
She might as well just write it in point form so we can get this over with quicker.

Quote :
It growl at me, like it was saying to hurry up. I took another step further and I crouched down. I looked up into it's eyes and asked, "Once I let you go, you will you attack me?"
"Naw man, that ain't me," the Raptor replied.

Quote :
I smiled and turned to the trap. I picked it up, looking it over and mumbled out loud, "Who would put this here?"
A bunch of hippies, I bet.

Quote :
I wonder what I should call him. Suddenly, it felt like something struck the back of my head, causing me to gasp. I wasn't sure why, but I thought I heard him very quietly say his name.

"Night."

I stared at him and asked slowly, "Is your name...Night?"
The Raptor looked back and shook his head before saying "No, it's Steve"

So then 'Night' runs off, but he comes back later, and... whatever this girls name is, I don't think she says, has a scared:


Quote :
I tensed. I've read Dr. Allan Grant's books.
Except that you can't spell his name.

Quote :
Suddenly, it caught the edge of my tank top, tugging me forward. I let out a small scream, tumbling. I felt Night grabbing the back of my shit and pull hard. There was a ripping sound and I fell backwards. The top was ruined
Veloci-rape-tor? ....who's into scat?

Quote :
I sighed and a moment later, I felt something drop into my lap, startling me. I looked down to find a couple of candy bars. I looked up to see Night looking at me curiously.
What a courteous and gentlemanly carnivorous dinosaur.

Quote :
Night's POV


There's 4 more chapters. All of which are pretty short. And horrible.
Luckily, she has not had sex with the raptor.... yet.
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your mom
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Sat Jan 29, 2011 10:03 pm

JizzMasterZero wrote:

Quote :
So this must be the island with all of the dinosaurs. I started to hear a call. It sounded like it needed help. I headed towards the source. I only heard that call. There was no answer back or anything. I came into a small clearing only to see a Velociraptor trapped in a trap. It looked like a bear trap.
She might as well just write it in point form so we can get this over with quicker.
Jesus, that's what it looks like she did first, and then put it into full sentences, but couldn't be bothered to elaborate.

"Let's plot out my story!

- on island with dinosaurs
- hears a call
- it needs help
- goes towards source
- only one call, no answer
- find small clearing
- velociraptor in trap
- bear trap?"
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Seule
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:16 am

JizzMasterZero wrote:
What a courteous and gentlemanly carnivorous dinosaur.

Oh god I need to quote this without context EVERYWHERE
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bleachedblackcat
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:07 am

Quote :
I tensed. I've read Dr. Allan Grant's books.

Because no other book in the world had ever told her raptor = meat eater before? How about sharp pointy teeth = eats meat?
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InkWeaver
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Mon Jan 31, 2011 12:47 pm

Lol'd hard at "Naw man, that ain't me."

From chapter 1:

Quote :
I jumped, feeling warm breath on my neck followed by purring
Velociraptors... purr?

You know, I have to wonder, is this velociraptor only "sexy" in this form? Haven't we discovered recently that velociraptors were more likely like... three feet tall and covered in feathers, sort of like turkeys?

Or so I've heard.
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Drabbler
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Mon Jan 31, 2011 12:49 pm

If this is a JP raptor... wouldn't he be female?

That aside, raptors are masters of manipulation, able to be very charming to lure in prey, willing to spend years masquerading as humans to put their targets at ease, and wily enough to pull it off. I didn't suspect for six years.
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Mon Jan 31, 2011 2:11 pm

InkWeaver wrote:
You know, I have to wonder, is this velociraptor only "sexy" in this form? Haven't we discovered recently that velociraptors were more likely like... three feet tall and covered in feathers, sort of like turkeys?

They've always been 2-3-foot tall psychotic turkeys. The creatures in the Jurassic Park films are not, and were never, Velociraptors.

They're some weird amalgamation of Utahraptor and Deinonychus. [/dinogeek]
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Rabid Badger
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:50 pm

Drabbler wrote:
If this is a JP raptor... wouldn't he be female?

IIRC (it's been a while since I saw the movie), didn't they fill in the gaps in the dinosaur DNA with the DNA of a South American frog that could spontaneously change sex? That was how they explained the dinosaurs managing to breed later in the movie-some of the females morphed into males.

Though from what I know about the frog they're talking about, some of them only change sex if the number of one sex or another falls below a certain level, to ensure their continued survival. Since all the dinosaurs were bred to be female, them spontaneously changing sex would make no sense, since they wouldn't technically feel the need to be breeding.

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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:45 pm

scratch

Night's POV:

Quote :
She smelt like the forest mixed with something else.

Food?

Quoteth the fair maiden:

Quote :
food?

Am I off base here?

Night says a few chapters down the road:

Quote :
"That's creeping me out."

My sentiments exactly, Night.
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:21 am

I think we should pair all velociraptors with Mary-sues. Maybe that would put a dent in their numbers.
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:02 pm

Devouring_Time wrote:
I think we should pair all velociraptors with Mary-sues. Maybe that would put a dent in their numbers.
Clever girl... Twisted Evil
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KJM
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:38 pm

Devouring_Time wrote:
Maybe that would put a dent in their numbers.
The Mary Sues, or the velociraptors?
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Rabid Badger
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:39 pm

KJM wrote:
Devouring_Time wrote:
Maybe that would put a dent in their numbers.
The Mary Sues, or the velociraptors?

Well the velocoraptors are already extinct, but it could cut back significantly on the Mary Sue population. With a little luck, we might actually manage to completely wipe out Mary Sues in at little as 10-12 years.
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Happenstance
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Wed Feb 02, 2011 2:36 am

Rabid Badger wrote:
KJM wrote:
Devouring_Time wrote:
Maybe that would put a dent in their numbers.
The Mary Sues, or the velociraptors?

Well the velocoraptors are already extinct, but it could cut back significantly on the Mary Sue population. With a little luck, we might actually manage to completely wipe out Mary Sues in at little as 10-12 years.

This sounds like a good plan. Anyone have a spare island and a genetic testing laboratory lying around?
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myeerah
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:24 pm

Happenstance wrote:
Rabid Badger wrote:
KJM wrote:
Devouring_Time wrote:
Maybe that would put a dent in their numbers.
The Mary Sues, or the velociraptors?

Well the velocoraptors are already extinct, but it could cut back significantly on the Mary Sue population. With a little luck, we might actually manage to completely wipe out Mary Sues in at little as 10-12 years.

This sounds like a good plan. Anyone have a spare island and a genetic testing laboratory lying around?

You fools! Don't you know that they'll have sparkly, carnivorous Sue-babies? VeloSueraptors as far as the eye can see!
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Happenstance
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Wed Feb 02, 2011 11:57 pm

myeerah wrote:
Happenstance wrote:
Rabid Badger wrote:
KJM wrote:
Devouring_Time wrote:
Maybe that would put a dent in their numbers.
The Mary Sues, or the velociraptors?

Well the velocoraptors are already extinct, but it could cut back significantly on the Mary Sue population. With a little luck, we might actually manage to completely wipe out Mary Sues in at little as 10-12 years.

This sounds like a good plan. Anyone have a spare island and a genetic testing laboratory lying around?

You fools! Don't you know that they'll have sparkly, carnivorous Sue-babies? VeloSueraptors as far as the eye can see!

Good lord! Not the VeloSueraptors! How could we have overlooked this in our extensive scientific research?

We did do research, right?

Guys?
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Sorsa A. Jänis
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Thu Feb 03, 2011 5:24 am

This is a quite the find. I was howling with laughter while reading the story.

Quote :
"Thank you." I said, taking the dinosaur and sinking my fangs into the flesh, ripping it away from the body and chewed on it. My mother looked shocked by my sudden behavior. I gave her a look and said, "I figure that I'm like a raptor."
I love how the Sue's mom isn't concerned at all that her daughter is in love with a goddamn dinosaur - she's more concerned that her daughter is acting like one.

I'm also amused by the sheer amount of idiocy her reviewers are. I'm betting they are all waiting for the raptorjesus to boink the Sue.

This also reminds me for some reason of [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] VERY NWS ALSO THE SITE IT'S ON IS GODAWFUL ITSELF D:
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Fri Feb 04, 2011 9:49 am

Am I the only one who finds the prospect of VeloSueraptors intriguing? I mean, just picture a load of psycho turkey dinosaurs with silver/amber/lavender eyes and sparkling personalities running around wreaking havoc in the fandoms. I feel like I should write a story...
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: Velociraptor/Mary-Sue = MY OTP!   Fri Feb 04, 2011 10:32 am

Devouring_Time wrote:
Am I the only one who finds the prospect of VeloSueraptors intriguing? I mean, just picture a load of psycho turkey dinosaurs with silver/amber/lavender eyes and sparkling personalities running around wreaking havoc in the fandoms. I feel like I should write a story...

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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