Oh, wow. I've actually come out of hiding. And for this? Christ...
Okay so I often like to look for badfic, but it makes me sad that I don't know what to look for or where to look when it comes to fandoms I'm not familiar with, so here I bring you a TF fanfic from AFF.net.
Starts off with some chick in a pawn shop, looking to sell a bag of gold jewelry in exchange for 18 grand, a laptop, and TWO SENTIENT ROBOT SLAVES that can do just about anything. I gotta find me this pawn shop, cause that shopkeep is generous as fuck.
Apparently the gal is part of a duo, who are running away from their ex-husbands who want them dead or something, so these 7 foot TF clones will protect them and do their bidding, etc. I thought it was going to be a pretty mediocre fanfic in which the author just barely touches upon the ethics of AI, what it means to be sentient, and biological vs. technological while on her way toward some cheesecake romance and bad sex scenes. That is, until the women go and decide to name their new henchmen.
- Quote :
- “Call the black one – Nigger or something,” Tabby joked.
O, THAT TABBY. WHAT A CARD
- Quote :
- “Now that’s rude. Didn’t know you were a closet racist,” Jenna grinned.
Why, I didn't know the author was a closet racist, either! Imagine that.
- Quote :
- “Not, just thinking how scared your ex would be if he heard you say ‘get him Nigga!’ – it would be hysterical!” Tabby looked in the rear view – meeting red optics. “You’d make that asshole shit in his own pants!”
- Quote :
- Once they caught their breath, Tabby grinned. “Doesn’t he remind you of that basketball player Shaq?”
Jenna’s eyes looked him up and down. “Yeah, you’re right – he is kinda’ve like Shaq.”
“Guess I’ve just coined your name. Still look like a big metal nigger though.” Tabby’s eyes gleamed in humor.
Not caring that this whole ‘nigger’ thing seemed to be an almost insult, the Motor Master’s lips slightly curled into a smile. “My designation is now Shaq?”
“I think it’s perfect. He’s one of the most successful basketball players of all time, he’s black – and he’s like HUGE!” Jenna replied, her eyes opening wide in exaggeration of the man’s size.
“Very suitable wouldn’t you agree?” the Ultra Magnus clone next to him said with a nudge of his elbow servo. Obviously he was indicating that the black clone should act happy.
I'm beginning to suspect this chick was born and raised in some suburb in Utah.
- Quote :
- “So what are we going to call red, white and blue droid?” Tabby snickered as she changed the subject from Shaq to the other one. Shaq’s happy smile was so obviously forced – but for some reason she didn’t feel right dogging him about it.“Captain America? Hehehehehehehehehe”
“He’s got Sinatra’s eyes,” Jenna offered with a fake sigh.
Because the Ultra Magnus look-a-like is clearly a metaphor for all that is good and pure and righteous in the world. Did I also mention white?
- Quote :
- “So which one acts like Captain America then – huh?” this conversation was going downhill – much like all their conversations did. That’s why they were such good friends.
Nooo! She can't name him Captain America! He has a black partner! And is against Tea Partiers! What's a girl to do?
- Quote :
- Tabby grinned evilly at her. “Thor did – well kind’ve. And damn he was sooooooo hot! He was my first crush…” She acted like she was swooning over a guy.
Perfect! It doesn't get much more white supremacist than Greek mythology!
- Quote :
- “I think it was the Romans,” Jenna cut in.
Right, right.
- Quote :
- The clone still hadn’t figured out the best timing when cutting into the constant banter between the two women. “So my new designation is to be Thor?” he asked.
“Love the way he says it. Almost seductive wouldn’t you say?” Tabby chuckled.
White robots are soooo dreeeaaamy....
- Quote :
- “Yeah, guess Thor will work. You like it?” Jenna replied with a fling of her hair.
Thor – god of war? Did he like being named after a being so violent? The Magnus clone wasn’t quite sure if he liked it. Seemed – too violent… He dropped his optics and fumbled with his thumb digits, not sure as to how to tell his new owner that he was uncertain if he ‘liked it’ or not. He didn’t want to tick her off…
“The cartoon character wasn’t mean or anything. He was actually like a really good guy that rescued all the women,” Jenna added upon seeing his hesitation.
Yeah, he like... did all of these really noble and heroic things! And he-- huh? What
about Blackrobot over there? I told you already, Shaq's big and plays basketball!
Later that night... - Quote :
- Tabby gave up trying to find a decent movie and flipped to the adult channels. Why not? She and Jenna weren’t gay or anything
Srsly! Alcoholics >>>> gays.
Anyways, they proceed to get very drunk, download what I would imagine to be ENORMOUS files over USB cables, have them installed in no time (Am I the only person that remembers WoW taking 5 hours to install?), and proceed to have degrading sexual encounters.
But wait, there's more!
- Quote :
- “Oh, that was reeeeeeeaaaaallll good Jenna – but check this out,” Tabby challenged. Taking another swing of her drink, she rose up on her knees. “Stroke yourself Nigga” she ordered right before her lips met his..
Because it wouldn't be right to go that long without reminding him that he looks like a marginalized person of color.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] - Quote :
- Note: Hope you enjoyed 8 pages of passion as much as I enjoyed writing it! Leave a review if you did!
Home 
