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Tungsten Monk
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PostSubject: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Wed Oct 13, 2010 8:44 pm

Now, we spend a lot of time snarking godawful fanfic, and loads of that fanfic is godawful simply for its plot. Many classic badfics owe their legendary status not to the particularly awful quality of writing, but to the fact that their authors were apparently snorting powdered mushrooms and oven cleaner while coming up with their premises.

The thing is, though, not all out-there work is necessarily bad. Not all crack-laced plotbunnies are created equally.

So talk to me, WGW. What's the weirdest story you've come up with? What crackfic, bizarre crossovers, and over-the-top parodies have you written? Was it something that violated the laws of physics, or just the laws of good taste?

To get the ball rolling . . . I once crossed over G.I. Joe and the Deadpool comics. This was inspired by one simple fact: both comics star characters that are mutilated, masked martial arts masters with redheaded paramours. The major difference between them was that one masked man was mute and the other was incapable of shutting up. There was absolutely no way in hell that these two universes, timelines, or sets of characters would ever coincide, but the Rule of Funny trumped everything.

Now I'm crossing over G.I. Joe and Alien vs. Predator. I think I need help.
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rae
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:08 pm

I wrote a short story where two government agents were questioning the womb of a Seer. See, she was dead, and the womb had been known to wander through her body (she was hysterical. Ha. ha. Ha.) and listen to conversations, so it was the only way to get the information. The womb was quite ill-tempered.
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Alhazred
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:34 am

The very first epic () multichaptered thing I wrote was a Resident Evil/Castlevania crossover. This was, like, more than ten years ago, and I still have it on my ff.net account (along with a whole host of other old crap) just because I like to remember where I came from. And how awful my writing was at the time. The inspiration was the initial thought of using Castlevania to explain why Wesker was both alive and had superpowers (canon hadn't established anything yet, Code Veronica was the newest Resident Evil at the time) and I thought it would be a fun challenge to take the "Wesker is a vampire" theory and run with it seriously.

Most of my batshittery comes from Nanowrimo, where my motto is "The more batshit it is, the more words you can get out of it." My first year I did a deranged self-insert original story with an urban fantasy setting and the occasional gay sex scene. One year I did a Top Gun/Airwolf crossover that, sadly, I didn't finish, it actually worked out rather well. Last year, I did a Metal Gear/Generation Kill crossover.

Tradition is looking to continue, as my ideas for this year are a) an Army of Two kinda-spoof, b) Marble Hornets/Team Fortress 2, or c) Marble Hornets/BlazBlue.



Tungsten Monk wrote:
Now, we spend a lot of time snarking godawful fanfic, and loads of that fanfic is godawful simply for its plot. Many classic badfics owe their legendary status not to the particularly awful quality of writing, but to the fact that their authors were apparently snorting powdered mushrooms and oven cleaner while coming up with their premises.

The thing is, though, not all out-there work is necessarily bad. Not all crack-laced plotbunnies are created equally.

So talk to me, WGW. What's the weirdest story you've come up with? What crackfic, bizarre crossovers, and over-the-top parodies have you written? Was it something that violated the laws of physics, or just the laws of good taste?

To get the ball rolling . . . I once crossed over G.I. Joe and the Deadpool comics. This was inspired by one simple fact: both comics star characters that are mutilated, masked martial arts masters with redheaded paramours. The major difference between them was that one masked man was mute and the other was incapable of shutting up. There was absolutely no way in hell that these two universes, timelines, or sets of characters would ever coincide, but the Rule of Funny trumped everything.

Now I'm crossing over G.I. Joe and Alien vs. Predator. I think I need help.


...can I read both of those?


rae wrote:
I wrote a short story where two government agents were questioning the womb of a Seer. See, she was dead, and the womb had been known to wander through her body (she was hysterical. Ha. ha. Ha.) and listen to conversations, so it was the only way to get the information. The womb was quite ill-tempered.

...did it answer?
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Tungsten Monk
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:49 pm

Alhazred wrote:


...can I read both of those?

Er, sure, if you don't mind being subjected to my particular brand of humor. I'm on fanfiction.net as Totenkinder Madchen, and the stories are [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] and [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

And rae, now I'm curious too. Did it answer? What did it say?
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:15 pm

It did, after some 'persuasion.' Pasting it under a cut, since it's not all that long.

Spoiler:
 

Sadly, all I can find is this first draft. The later version, which detailed the confession a bit, has apparently been lost.
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:39 pm

My two weirdest offerings are both crossovers. One is a Batman/Kim Possible crossover that would not leave me alone until I wrote it. Oddly enough, that one has been getting a lot of favorites lately, so apparently somebody likes it. The other is a Batman/Jurassic Park crossover where Bats rescues Ian Malcolm from getting eaten by velociraptors. You may read them, if you wish, [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] and [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]. The first one is a drabble and the next one is a short one-shot.

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Sheba
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:01 pm

Start scribbling out a YuGiOh/ .//Hack crossover once, then lost interest and it died.
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:19 pm

rae wrote:
It did, after some 'persuasion.' Pasting it under a cut, since it's not all that long.

Spoiler:
 

Sadly, all I can find is this first draft. The later version, which detailed the confession a bit, has apparently been lost.

I have to say, the uterus first crossing its fallopian tubes in defiance and then kung-fu punching with its ovaries is probably the most insane mental picture I have ever had in my life, and god bless you for it.
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:43 pm

I wrote a crossover between RPF of U2 and Star Trek. The guitarist was part Vulcan.
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rae
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:04 pm

It was a dream I had, though less with the uterus getting tortured and more with me getting my ass kicked by my own uterus.

I blame this avatar [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Fri Oct 15, 2010 12:31 am

I once wrote a half-finished Gundam Wing/Zelda crossover.

Don't ask me how I thought it would work. I was 16.
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:25 pm

Back when I was trying out the whole "keep pen and paper next to your bedside in case you get ideas in the middle of the night" thing, I once wrote a rambling, non-sensical story about two terminally ill lesbian astronauts. It was much less interesting than you'd guess by the description. Needless to say, I now keep my pen and paper in the desk drawer, as I should have from the start.
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Sun Oct 17, 2010 3:54 pm

Quote :
Uterus sniffed derisively.

For some reason, this bit is what threw me. scratch
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Fri Oct 29, 2010 5:12 am

The weirdest? Well, there's the shortest, the longest, the worst, the most filthy, the most angsty and the one with the most rape. But the weirdest?

Well, it rates somewhere on my 'most dirty' scale pretty high, except it's not long enough. See, I actually LIKE Alien Ressurection, and one night after watching it I had this dream...

Anyway, it's called "Hives" (Yes, I'm aware of the alternative meaning) and because of the filth it's on AdultFanFiction. It's a one-shot where Call gets raped by a Xenomorph.

Which explains the dream and me quite well...
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Sat Feb 05, 2011 9:56 pm

Well, it have to be a tales of symphonia and Naruto crossover I did three years ago. I only did one chapter for it, and gave up on it.
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:53 am

I once attempted some xeno-porn for a friend; I think I ended up with a schmoopy romance with blood. I was too squeamish about the whole thing to go into any detail, instead lingering on the reasons the literal immortal wasn't too worried about the damage that a fully-grown dragon would inflict on a squishy human mage. There was a self-inflicted stab through the heart to prove the point.

In retrospect, I think I must have been channelling Highlander for that moment. scratch
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:49 am

I'm having a hard time deciding between [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] and [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:58 am

Weirdest thing I've written? Ever? Or just this week?
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:40 am

Azzandra wrote:
I once wrote a rambling, non-sensical story about two terminally ill lesbian astronauts.
You don't mind me borrowing this story idea, do you?
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:21 pm

Writing some troll fics off and on. They're conversion fics in a really outlandish fandom. (Yeah, very few fandoms are good for that in the first place, but at least some have more human characters than this one.) The worst part is I have way too much fun with them because try as I might, I just can't keep the characters out of character for the whole thing. They're not good by any stretch, but they do have some genuinely funny moments and I kind of hate that.
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Tue Feb 08, 2011 3:26 pm

Trapeze sex.

God fucking damn you.
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Sun Feb 13, 2011 7:15 pm

Well, I haven't written it down, but about a week or two ago, rule 35 attacked me in my sleep and now I have this fully-formed, graphic, and very bizarre story sitting in my head. I'm hoping it fades away before not letting it out starts hurting, because I am not going to bother typing it unless I'm going to upload it.

It's a Legacy of Kain fic, and somehow Janos, Vorador, Kain, and Raziel are all still alive in the post game time even though Kain is the only one who is supposed make it. Kain buys a cream that is absolutely guaranteed to fix his sterility problem. In the process of raping a dozen women, Janos bursts in and tries to stop him. However, the cream also had powerful aphrodisiacs in it, and Janos ends up pregnant too. The part that is really wedged in my mind good is Janos' expulsion of the ass-baby. There's also a part where Raziel tries to rescue Janos and gets pregnant in the resulting three-way. (And it was the "too ugly to live" version of Raziel.)

Fortunately, it's just that particular combination of elements that haven't been done, and I can say "nuts to you, rule 35."
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Mon Feb 14, 2011 2:33 am

Dimensia wrote:
Well, I haven't written it down, but about a week or two ago, rule 35 attacked me in my sleep and now I have this fully-formed, graphic, and very bizarre story sitting in my head. I'm hoping it fades away before not letting it out starts hurting, because I am not going to bother typing it unless I'm going to upload it.

It's a Legacy of Kain fic, and somehow Janos, Vorador, Kain, and Raziel are all still alive in the post game time even though Kain is the only one who is supposed make it. Kain buys a cream that is absolutely guaranteed to fix his sterility problem. In the process of raping a dozen women, Janos bursts in and tries to stop him. However, the cream also had powerful aphrodisiacs in it, and Janos ends up pregnant too. The part that is really wedged in my mind good is Janos' expulsion of the ass-baby. There's also a part where Raziel tries to rescue Janos and gets pregnant in the resulting three-way. (And it was the "too ugly to live" version of Raziel.)

Fortunately, it's just that particular combination of elements that haven't been done, and I can say "nuts to you, rule 35."

Congratulations, you have thought of something worse for this fandom than Raziel/a horse.
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:53 am


Quote :
Congratulations, you have thought of something worse for this fandom than Raziel/a horse.

Does that actually exist?

Please don't believe there was any intention behind coming up with that. Damn plotbunny bit me and won't pry off.
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Alhazred
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PostSubject: Re: Weirdest story you've ever written?   Mon Feb 14, 2011 3:22 pm

Yes, yes it does. Against my better judgment I spent a few minutes looking for it but, sadly(?) couldn't find it. It was long-winded, somewhat purple, and all about pre-wraith Raziel finding a horse in distress on his way to a meeting of the clans, getting covered in mud (and the horse's urine) trying to drag it out of the riverbank it was half-drowning in, and then screwing it silly.

Which is still not half as bad as [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] who insists Kain/Raziel is totally canon because Michael Bell and Simon Templeman made a gay joke in the recording booth. Seriously. She's like a Twilight fan born before Twilight, so she latched on to the first vampire fiction she saw instead.
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