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Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach

Join date : 2010-02-15
Age : 38
Location : land of broken dreams

PostSubject: Mass Defect   Sat Sep 18, 2010 9:56 am

So I’ve recently gotten into Mass Effect. I love it to pieces, and as I’ve just finished my last project, I thought I’d nip into the pit to see what ‘fans’ of this series
was doing with it.

Presenting: Odyssey 2183

By Grey Spectre Warden Boom

We enter this fic based in a universe of intergalactic politics, clandestine power struggles and hidden, inhuman genocideal forces with a quote from... urm...
Brett Butler

You know... Her from Grace Under Fire...

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Which, obviously, captures the essence of Mass Effect perfectly...

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So... Off to a good start...

Quote :
I'm sitting in a large empty room a purple glow spread throughout."Bring the gentleman to the surgical deck full mods," a voice says. I feel something
puncture my skin and see a purple skinned asari holding an injection gun thing, before I fade away I see a worried look on her face.

If I’m gonna pick nits I’d point out that ‘purple skinned Asari’, is a touch redundant, all Asari are one shade of purple or another... But aside from that, I actually
like this intro. It goes downhill quickly from here.

Quote :
I wake up on the floor in the pitch black of my room, the only light being the stars ."Ouch" I say "I need to lay off Mass Effect for a while."


Oh no, It’s gonna be one of [i]those[/] fics…

Our self-insert du jour comes to the realization that he is on a spaceship.

Quote :
"I'm on a space ship" I say to the room.

"The Circumference," the computerized voice says.

"What," I ask in reflex still a bit overwhelmed with my revelation.

"The Circumference found your escape pod and brought you aboard," the voice answered.

The mighty and noble ship Circumference was never able to outshine the deeds of its sister ship, the USS Perpendicular.

Quote :
I had just woken up in the middle of space had a conversation albeit, a short one, with a computer and I was not in the clothes I went to sleep in (I was
now in space pajamas)

Space Pajamas…

I’m not sure if he means this:

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Or this:

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Quote :
"where am I." My head begins speeding through thoughts linking together the clues: asari, turians, space ships!

Clearly showing concern for the lost idiot, the asari informs our hero of the circumstances of his resque. He was found drifting in an escape pod with failing life
support. Out of kindness and concern, the crew of the Circumference picked him up and nursed him back to health.

In repayment for this gratitude and show of trust and concern, our hero begins to lie his ass off at the only person who seems to want to help him:

Quote :
I'm very good at coming up with lies on demand,


"I don't know" amnesia might work I think "I can't remember anything from before waking up here."


"Your name," she asks trying to help me remember.

"I don't know," I answer struggling, I didn't know enough about amnesia to know if victims remember their names.

Smart move, kid…

The ship approaches a relay, and our hero is left alone to dress himself. A feat he actually manages to accomplish all on his own, which honestly surprises me.

Quote :
With the quiet my mind began connecting all the clues, the intense mood was gone. Suddenly I say two words, "Mass Effect." I had somehow been
transported to the game world's universe.

Quote :
I stand and look out the window everything's turning purple, "Guess that means we're close to the Serpent Nebula," I say to myself.

I know a lot of hardcore nerds. All of us are Mass Effect fans, with me being newly accepted into the fold. I don’t believe any of us could name a system from a
glance at the map… So either this kid has an Eidetic memory, or a hell of a lot of time on his hands.

Our fellow is led to a room where he meets ‘The Owner’.

"Welcome," an obviously electronically disguised voice says I look for the owner and see a hologram sitting in a futuristic arm chair with its back to me. [/quote]

Anyone whose played ME2 will recognize this set up, and should realize how daft this situation is. To those not in the know, this is somewhat akin to picking some
junkie off the street, and frogmarching him directly to the head of the Illuminati.

Quote :
There's a clack and a whir as a whole wall moves and light fills the room' it's empty except for another chair. 'What a waist of space' I think,


Quote :
"Lets cut the bull," the figure said I didn't hear any anger in the disguised voice but it could've been due to the distortion in the voice "I've been around
alotta liars and you aren't good at it, your name."


"And any more of that amnesia crap and I'll have you thrown out an airlock," the figure threatens.

DO IT NOW! Save yourself!

Quote :
"I'm Will Doe," I answer truthfully.

The Illusive Man (for that is clearly the fellow in the chair) tells Willy of his plans for him, and their reasons:

Quote :
"you don't exist."


"I ran the DNA on your clothes, your face, your voice and you don't exist anywhere," the figure says, "that's useful."

It means that he can be kidnapped and experimented on and no one will notice.

Will Doe spent the rest of his days strapped to a table in agonizing pain as the Illusive Man’s scientists performed hideous experiment after hideous experiment
upon him. The end.

Quote :
"Your working for me now," the figure continues.

"How . . . "

"I need someone who doesn't exist and while you obviously have no skills, it wouldn't hurt to send you on this mission,"

“Because I’m an idiot! Heeeeeeee!”

Quote :
"Bring the gentleman to the surgical deck full mods," the voice says, "no control chip for this one."

Uhhh… Why not?

Quote :
This is definitely not how I imagined my journey through the Mass Effect universe would go.

How exactly was it supposed to go? Whatever universe you’re in, you’re still likely to end up stacking shelves at Safeway…

Instead of ejecting the useless lump int space, the Illusive Man instead decides to fully kit out this pleb with cybernetic enhancements, fixing his natural… urm…

Quote :
"Physical weakness," I say, "pudginess."


Quote :
"I will ferry information and orders between you and the owner," she says, "he has given you a code name and any individual who refers to you as such
is an agent of the owner."

I'm an accepting person this person established themself as my boss

Quote :
so all I did was ask "what's my code name."

"The informant," she says.

"Imaginative," I say with another grin.

It certainly is a stretch of the imagination to state that this nobhead is informed about anything…

Quote :
She ignores the comment but shifts uncomfortably "Your mission is to inform on a situation that may be developing on a planet called Eden Prime the
owner has managed to track a classified data cache that was sent to the alliance command, they are sending a ship called the SSV Normandy to the planet
sources say the ship is commanded by a man named Captain David Anderson, also a part of the Normandy's crew is another rather famous individual named
Commander Jane Shepard the 'lion of Elysium'."

“Your mission, as a self insert, is not to carve out your own existence in the Mass Effect world, that would take talent, and imagination, instead just piggyback on
to the games established storyline.”

Also, I’m pretty sure the ‘canonical’ Commander Shepard is male, but what do I know?

Quote :
"When do we leave," I say it's like a plot line in a game forcing me into the events of the story I grin.

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Quote :
"You are there to observe and report, do not interfere with events,"

“For gods sake, don’t throw the plot off track. The author doesn’t have the imagination or talent to deal with that!”

Quote :
"We will be the only crew onboard a small vessel both of us will be needed to work the ship," she says. Damn it stupid bastard, using her to keep me in

Damn that top secret controller of a ludicrously well intergalactic espionage network! Using a person to make sure one of his investments actually does as he’s
told! Stupid bastard!

After adnmiring his new body, our hero gets dressed:

Quote :
It was armored only in certain areas my chest shins and fore arms, it had a black cloak the whole outfit made me feel like a jedi from that cg Starwars
movie combined with Ezio Auditore from Assassin's Creed 2.

Rolling Eyes

Suddenly, Will Doe (I need to think up a nickname for him… any suggestions?) has a thought!

Quote :
"Wait a minute," I say turning towards Liana, "I have absolutely no idea how to pilot a ship or really do anything on one."

Liana explains that the ship has been designed by retards, and as such has an utterly retarded security feature:

Quote :
"The ship will only move when two of the owner's operatives are onboard, I'll admit it's to make sure that compassionate individuals are kept in line," she
says in her all business mode, "I'm considered your friend so the owner assigned me to you."

Liana: “So if you die in the field, which is highly likly considering you’re a talentless pleb with no life experience in the universe your about to be let free in, then
I’m fucked.

I think the Illusive Man hates me.”

On the trip, Will tries to get to know his partner:

Quote :
Well we knew each others names, but it might not be so bad to get to know her better. "So I'm 17 you," I ask.

"191," she says. An uncomfortable silence ensues but I begin thinking doing math lets see 2183-191 equals 1992.

"You wouldn't happen to know the Earth month would you," I ask suddenly seriously.

"I believe it would be the 7th day of the 7th month," she says her voice sounding a little curious. Before she can ask any questions I begin laughing, I was
laughing so hard I was crying. "I fail to see the humor," she says looking back towards me.

"We share a birthday," I say through my laughing fit. The exact day I think.

You do? And you’ve figures this out by extrapolating the year of Liana’s birth and the current date… Not that Earth dates would be of any use at all in the middle
of space…

Eventually Will goes to sleep, has a dream, and wakes up with Liana sleeping next to him:

Quote :
holy crap hot purple woman 2 inches from my face.

I don’t want to sound speciesist… But if you’re not used to all those head-tentacles asari have, wouldn’t it turn your stomach a bit to, you know, see them all up
close? Sure, the Humans in the game are forgiven, they’re used to them, but Will hasn’t seen anything like it before, so why isn’t he freaked out?

Quote :
"I'm in Mass Effect," I whisper to myself looking out the front window.

"What's Mass Effect," a Liana says

It’s what the humans call the technology employed by the Mass Relays… It’s described as such in the opening cinematic of the game… The game you’re
supposed to be such a big fan of…

Finally the two of them land on Eden Prime and their mission begins… But first:

Quote :
All of a sudden something was screaming inside my head I fall down to my knees and grit my teeth to keep from screaming. Then it was gone from out
of nowhere.

"Ugh my head," I say slowly standing up I reach down to help Liana who was also affected by the noise, wait noise crippling we are on Eden Prime my mind lines
up the clues Sovereign.

Wait words slapdash I’m in the pit my mind lines up the clues incompetence.

Liana passes out so Will puts her on the bunk and finds a pistol under the pillow. I like to imagine that Liana was planning to cp Will in the head as soon as the
mission was over.

Eventually, Liana wakes up:

Quote :
she focuses and asks "why are you still here."

Well your welcome I think, "I wouldn't feel right if you got hurt so I stayed here to protect you," I say holding her back as she tries to stand, "are you sure you
should stand."

"You should be out gathering intelligence," she says, after seeing the look of worry on my face, "and I said I'm fine."

She grabs my hand and moves it off her shoulder, "but," I begin to say.

She stands and pulls me towards the airlock, "go now," she says as she practically throws me out of the ship.

Liana: Just fuck off, already… Either complete your mission (Which I know, I haven’t properly described to you yet, but whatevs.) or get killed. Either way, get
out of my face!

So off Will goes, bravely stumbling into the Mass Effect plotline…

Stay tuned for part 2!
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Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!
Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!

Join date : 2009-06-14
Age : 38
Location : Punching Udina.

PostSubject: Re: Mass Defect   Sat Sep 18, 2010 4:53 pm

OUCH! My Fandom!
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Join date : 2012-01-16

PostSubject: Re: Mass Defect   Mon Jan 16, 2012 8:08 pm

I found this and thought ouch... tho it seems old. I appreciate constructive critisism and thats what I see so thank you for taking the time to post this.

I have no real excuses I was on a mass effect high and never really written anything before so I dove headfirst and flailed about for a while, I'm still flailing about but hopefully I'm starting to swim. I'm hoping to read a part 2 because truth be told I get all the points your making. I'm hoping that by learning from mistakes made I'll be able to be a better writer.
On to Life.
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Important Person
Important Person

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 32

PostSubject: Re: Mass Defect   Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:04 pm

Heh, space pajamas. You are so great WD-40.
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