New Jersey Woman Says Boyfriend Beat Her with a Cat

You can find it here:

NJ woman says boyfriend beat her with cat

Quote :

A 49-year-old Hoboken man was arrested Tuesday after he beat his girlfriend with a cat and punched her in the back and back of her head, according to police reports.

Around noon, Hoboken police were dispatched to the 300 block of Marshall Dr., and a 20-year-old Jersey City woman was crying and told police that her boyfriend punched her a few times and hit her with a "feline cat," reports said. She said she had pain to her lower back and the back of her head, reports said.

As opposed to all those non-feline cats out there.

Quote :

Police then arrested her boyfriend Lasalle Davis with a simple assault charge for domestic violence, reports said.

No animal cruelty charge, however.

Quote :

The woman told police that they had been dating for two years and he became mad when she did not call him the night before, reports said. When she came to Hoboken to visit her sister, he showed up, yelled at her and grabbed her right arm, reports said. She told him she no longer wanted to date him, and that’s when he picked up the cat and hit her, reports said.

Read that line several times. You will probably never read a similar line again in your lifetime, if you're lucky

Quote :

She declined to speak to a member of the Domestic Violence Team but did want to file a restraining order against Davis in Hudson County Superior Court, reports said.

Police did not know the whereabouts or the condition of the cat. The victim did not immediately respond to inquiries about the cat.

Is it bad that I'm more worried about cat? Which, if it isn't already dead, soon will be; given that cats were never intended to be used as flails, and the human head presents a fairly hard surface.

PROTIP: Don't use soft, fluffy things to hit people.

Especially if they have claws and short tempers.

Especially if /b/ worships them like the Egyptians used to.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Quote :

Police then arrested her boyfriend Lasalle Davis with a simple assault charge for domestic violence, reports said.

No animal cruelty charge, however.

Probably because they don't have any evidence he did it since they don't know where the cat is. Domestic violence is simply easier to prove.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Quote :

A 49-year-old Hoboken man was arrested Tuesday after he beat his girlfriend with a cat and punched her in the back and back of her head, according to police reports.

Around noon, Hoboken police were dispatched to the 300 block of Marshall Dr., and a 20-year-old Jersey City woman was crying and told police that her boyfriend punched her a few times and hit her with a "feline cat," reports said. She said she had pain to her lower back and the back of her head, reports said.

As opposed to all those non-feline cats out there.

As opposed to the cat o' nine tails, which is the first thing I thought of when I saw this head line. But of course that wouldn't be crazy enough for Why God Why.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

PROTIP: Don't use soft, fluffy things to hit people.

Especially if they have claws and short tempers.

Especially if /b/ worships them like the Egyptians used to.

But like you yourself have said in another thread, /b/ couldn't even get a pizza delivered anymore.

...How could you possibly beat someone with a cat? First off, where would you grasp it? Second, assuming you answered the first question, no cat in the universe would put up with you trying. They'd be clawing your arm to shreds before you finished the first swing. I just can't picture this.

KelinciHutan wrote:

...How could you possibly beat someone with a cat? First off, where would you grasp it? Second, assuming you answered the first question, no cat in the universe would put up with you trying. They'd be clawing your arm to shreds before you finished the first swing. I just can't picture this.

1) The tail. I'm picturing him swinging the cat like a flail.

2) 1 - You try slashing up someone while being jerked around uncontrollably by your tail. 2 - You're assuming that the guy didn't get cut up. The cat may have ripped his arm to bits, he just might have been so out-of-control angry that he didn't feel it and didn't care.

saeku wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

Quote :

A 49-year-old Hoboken man was arrested Tuesday after he beat his girlfriend with a cat and punched her in the back and back of her head, according to police reports.

Around noon, Hoboken police were dispatched to the 300 block of Marshall Dr., and a 20-year-old Jersey City woman was crying and told police that her boyfriend punched her a few times and hit her with a "feline cat," reports said. She said she had pain to her lower back and the back of her head, reports said.

As opposed to all those non-feline cats out there.

As opposed to the cat o' nine tails, which is the first thing I thought of when I saw this head line. But of course that wouldn't be crazy enough for Why God Why.

I did not harbor such noobish delusions.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

PROTIP: Don't use soft, fluffy things to hit people.

Especially if they have claws and short tempers.

Especially if /b/ worships them like the Egyptians used to.

But like you yourself have said in another thread, /b/ couldn't even get a pizza delivered anymore.

I hate to be "defending" /b/, but they've already tracked down one woman who did something to a cat this year and she had to go into police protection, so I can see them completely jumping on this.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

KelinciHutan wrote:

...How could you possibly beat someone with a cat? First off, where would you grasp it? Second, assuming you answered the first question, no cat in the universe would put up with you trying. They'd be clawing your arm to shreds before you finished the first swing. I just can't picture this.

1) The tail. I'm picturing him swinging the cat like a flail.

2) 1 - You try slashing up someone while being jerked around uncontrollably by your tail. 2 - You're assuming that the guy didn't get cut up. The cat may have ripped his arm to bits, he just might have been so out-of-control angry that he didn't feel it and didn't care.

That's the likely scenario. If the cat was, say, dozing on the arm of the sofa and the guy just suddenly grabbed it and started hitting the woman with it, you've got a moment of disorientation, then he connects with the woman and 'WHAM!", defensive mechanism kick in. Cats can cause just as much damage with their hinds legs as they can with their front, and like Mr. Doobie, I pictured him as holding it by the tail. The first thing it would've done was try to get some purchase, and when it couldn't get it on the woman, it'd start digging its hind claws into the guys arm best it could.

saeku wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

As opposed to all those non-feline cats out there.

As opposed to the cat o' nine tails, which is the first thing I thought of when I saw this head line. But of course that wouldn't be crazy enough for Why God Why.

Pfft! Why bother to use a cat o' nine tails when you can use the real thing?

If he used the cat like a flail, wouldn't they say the guy threw the cat at her? It says "hit" which, to me, implies some kind of solid, decent surface area connection. Weird.

You couldn't shove the cat feet first at anything.
Maybe the kitty became a fuzzy pair of brass knuckles, and he just bashed the cat's spine into her or something.

I can't...
How does...



I can't work this out.

Looking to find a way to sink lower in life than being someone that abuses their significant other? Well, do it with a fucking CAT! That's right, don't just beat your SO, traumatize a harmless and innocent animal in the process.

You too can become as monstrous as this man, for the low low price of whatever was remaining of your humanity! Phone lines are now open... You sick fuck.

Verandering wrote:

If he used the cat like a flail, wouldn't they say the guy threw the cat at her? It says "hit" which, to me, implies some kind of solid, decent surface area connection. Weird.

You couldn't shove the cat feet first at anything.
Maybe the kitty became a fuzzy pair of brass knuckles, and he just bashed the cat's spine into her or something.

I can't...
How does...



I can't work this out.

Shhhh, don't try and figure it out, Van; you'll just give yourself a headache.

I knew a kid who threw a cat at his sister. The cat was so traumatized it climbed up in a tree and didn't come down for two days.

^
"NOTICE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

And someone explain to Rabby that if she can't tell the difference between the Edit and Quote buttons, she needs to be in a home and barred from having contact with the still functioning members of society.

Fuck you Mikey.

Is Mikey making pissy comments about me again? Does the dear boy not understand the meaning of the word 'blocked?'

If so, thanks for the support, Pierre. If not, he probably deserved it any way, the little twit

Verandering wrote:

If he used the cat like a flail, wouldn't they say the guy threw the cat at her? It says "hit" which, to me, implies some kind of solid, decent surface area connection. Weird.

You couldn't shove the cat feet first at anything.
Maybe the kitty became a fuzzy pair of brass knuckles, and he just bashed the cat's spine into her or something.

I can't...
How does...



I can't work this out.

I'm picturing him picking it up by the scruff and kind of flapping it into her head.

That method seems a little ineffective, but it would depend on how the cat reacts to scruffing, I guess. Not all of them turn into little furry bags of flesh.

pussy whipped

Verandering wrote:

That method seems a little ineffective, but it would depend on how the cat reacts to scruffing, I guess. Not all of them turn into little furry bags of flesh.

I think if one hand had part of the scruff, but a little lower down, and the other hand was grabbing onto the skin right above the tail and you used both hand to slam the cat into the person feet first, then pull it back and repete until the cat tries to roll around on you. At that point you throw it as far awat from you as you can.

Does that sound like it might work?

Damage done or not done to the cat-wielding man may also have depended on whether or not the cat was declawed.

InkWeaver wrote:

Damage done or not done to the cat-wielding man may also have depended on whether or not the cat was declawed.

Damn it. Now I'm wondering what kind / how many dice that a cat would be as a melee weapon.

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Verandering wrote:

That method seems a little ineffective, but it would depend on how the cat reacts to scruffing, I guess. Not all of them turn into little furry bags of flesh.

I think if one hand had part of the scruff, but a little lower down, and the other hand was grabbing onto the skin right above the tail and you used both hand to slam the cat into the person feet first, then pull it back and repete until the cat tries to roll around on you. At that point you throw it as far awat from you as you can.

Does that sound like it might work?

Well the throwing it far away plan is a good one. Because if you're holding it when it turns, the first thing it'll go for is either your face or arms. We used to have a cat that would get outside and sniff something in our hedge that was evidently the kitty equivalent of LSD. Catch it required a pillowcase and broom, then whoever was holding the pillow case ran into the house and basically threw it as far away from themselves as they could, because you did NOT want to be close to it when kitty came storming out like a Viking Berserker.

My sister didn't get far away enough fast enough one day, and it basically shredded her left arm so badly she had to have 30 stitches put in and get a tetanus shot.