Narcissistic Bitch-child and the DEATHLY LATHERPANTS!

Howdy, y’all. This is my first snark, and as such, it’s probably going to suck. I found this fic over on Fanfiction.net a while ago, saved some of it to Word, and promptly forgot it existed. It has since been deleted by the FF.N mods, but if anyone wants to have a look at the rest of it, I have nine chapters put away, and am currently in the process of reposting them to FF.Net. They can be found here.

Youre Life With Ron Wesley, as it’s called, is essentially My Immortal with a slight content update. As you have probably guessed, it’s idolizing Ron Weasley instead of Draco Malfoy and…Lord and Lady, what were the names of those people in MCR again? Billy Joel and some other guy with a British accent? Anyway, yeah, it’s nothing particularly new or exciting, but I thought I should start slowly and move onto the truly mind-scarring fics when I have more practice.

Well! Let’s get the fun started, shall we?

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Aothors note; ok! Leik sooo high guyz!

No Low Guys allowed? WHY, YOU RACIST, YOU.

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dis iz my now fanficton!so it is caled: You're life with Ron Wesley!

But if it’s your fanfiction, shouldn’t it be called “My life with Ron Wesley”?

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Sooooo leik im a hugeeeee harry potter fan! I think dat Rupert grift is totally the hawtest guy evar! ^_^

And I think that the sky is orange.

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I leik love

MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!

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how his hair iz like red, and it leik gos over his eyes alittle. It makes him look alittle emo, but nawt 2 emo so its god! BTW, a luv emo boiz there sooooooooo hawt and coot!

COOTIES ALERT! COOTIES ALERT! NEENERNEENERNEENER

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Im also emo! I cutt my rist sumtimes, and I just died my hair blak! Itz really really really coot!

GAAAH THE COOTIES! THE COOTIES ARE COMING TO GET MEEEE!

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Ok! Sooooooooooo I should probly start da story now1! Looololloll.

Aaaaand here we go.

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I just woke up! I puled bak the curtins an outcide I c the sunbeem coming thu my window!

Doooooesn’t seem very emo to me, babes.

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"Itz a nice day out" I say. I taik of my pijuamas.

Were they from Tijuana?

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I waz sleping in a verry cootblak top.

Fuck it, I’m getting the Windex. I hope she melts.

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It was kind of like a spots bra butt a litle lunger cuz im not a slut lol

SURE YA AREN’T, BABES. WE BELIEVE YA. -snort-

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Then I taik of my pijamas. They where blak to!And they r realy comforty becuz they r fluffy

Like mold?

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IM GOING 2 NOT DECRIBE MYSELF NACKED BECUZ THTS GROSSE! DNT THINK ABOUT THAT!

You brought it up, hunnybunch.

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After I put on my new clothers I feeled very comforty! Ill explain wat I wpre!

Hang on a minute, I just need to call the local newspaper. This is totally front-page material.

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(I wont explane my underware becuz I think thts grose lol0

If you think it’s gross, why did you bring it up, snugglemuffin?

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I had new shoes on! I just bout them yesterday wit the money my parets sent me for fun! They were leik sports runing shoes (except I hate! Exercise!)

Butbut, if you hate! Exercise! then how do you keep your teensy-weensy-little size 0 body in tip-top shape? Oh, wait, don’t answer that, too obvious. Bulimia.

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they were blak with pink laces! Verry veryy coott!

MOTHERFUCKIN’-*Sprays computer screen with Windex* DIE! DIE! DIEEEEEEEEEE!

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Every1 told me thiey where jealus of them becuz they cost a lot of money! (pplz were loking at them in the story 4ever in hogmeadas so I told my parnts abought them n they sent me the money 2 by them b4 any1 else could!)

Look, I know it’s asking you to go against your nature, but could you try for five seconds to not be a total obnoxious bitch-child?

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(ooo! I go to Hogwarts btw, becuz I dnt think I mentioned it yet!1

No, no, you go to Hguwratz. It’s like Hogwarts, but with more SPARKELZ and OMG1!!1!!!11

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Then 4 my pants I wore lather.

You mean, soap?

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(they where blak 2!) my bum lookd very nice in them becuz pplz tell me my but is VERRRYY nicelol!

Well if you’re wandering around only wearing soap, then I imagine there are a multitude of hormonal teenage boys/lesbians at Hguwratz who will tell you your butt is very nice.

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My shirt was blak 2 but wit like sum pink skuls like one the buttom a rond the hole shit!

Uh….okay then. So, covered in skulls like the one on the bottom around your shithole…you have a skull on your ass? Is this your parasitic conjoined twin or something?

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It waz very coot!

-cries- I’m just not going to try anymore. Goddamn mutating Windex-immune cooties.

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Soooooooo! When I finshed geting dresed I waked down the stairzzz! I entred the slythrin commun room an then pplz turned to stair at me! Every1 told me I was butiful!

Hm. Can I squeeze an ass joke into these tight, tight lather pants?

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Sooooooooo many nice complimonts lololololol!

Oooo! That’s my new Internet pseudonym! Compli Monte! Hey, thanks, Suethor!

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So I told them I aprecated it an then walked out of the commun room down 2 the gate hall!

And there I met the ttly suapr coot boi uv mah dreemz!1!11! an we had bbeis n flu awya on a majikul yonicern wit a zparkly ranboe menn!1! lol

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While I was eating my creal (witch (lolololol get it?)

HA HA HA. OH SUETHOR, YOU’RE SUCH A CARD.

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(was rice crispries) some1 taped the bak of my shulder!

Actually, the mental image of the Suethor duct-taped to her chair by her shoulders wriggling around and screaming ‘COOT!2!!1!1!’ over and over again is kind of funny.

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I turned arond. 'im trying 2 eat her!'

I’d make a witty comment here about cannibalism, but TBH, I’m scared to death of cannibals.

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I scramed at the persone becuz whoever it was is veryyyyyyyy rude to intrupt me whale im eating! But when I saw who I was stairing at I forgot al about my angre!

WHOA, MAN. LIKE, DEJA, LIKE, VU. Didn’t we do this before, back when Emo was called GOFF?

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2 b continued ! (tell me wat u think! <333333333)

<333333333333, Suethor.



So, WGW, how'd I do? Be brutally honest, as you always are.

a copycat troll? I hate that

I hate to ask for a link, but I want to see what her reviews look like.

I like you. Good first snark, keep going. :D

Not a bad first snark.

That story was absolutely ridiculous. I couldn't stop laughing at the author's idiotic mistakes.
I would be interested in read the rest of this for the laughs. I would appreciate a link too.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Parents, we know it's hard to resist your teenagers continual whining for a cell phone, but we here at the Institute for Not Completely Killing the English Language and Correct Grammar believe that you need to teach your child to learn how to spell responsibly and correctly before you unleash them on the general public. This includes teaching them that L33tspeak is not acceptable for anything but texting their friends.

Also, capitol letters and paragraphs are your friends. Really.

Good snark, BTW. It took me a while to figure out what the hell the author meant by the word 'coot' since, like you, I assumed she was referring to cooties.

So is this the female counterpart to Leatherpants! Draco? Oh wait, she's wearing 'latherpants' not leatherpants. My mistake.

Well, I'm glad to know it didn't suck as much as I expected it would. And, as I said, I'm afraid the story was deleted, so I can't send a link to the original and show you the reviews. However, as I also said, I have 9 chapters pocketed away, so I *can* repost it. -traipses off to FF.net...-

Edit: Managed to dig the files out, and despite FF.N being horribly slow, the first and second chapters are now posted. I'll post the rest tomorrow, as right now I want to go get some sleep. The story can be found at [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Since you mentioned My Chemical Romance... Why do these people have to give poor Gerard Way and his band such a bad name? Yet again, it makes me go all "LEAVE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ALONE!". Seriously, they don't deserve this. They are nice people who make music that I consider very good, and being asked if I am "emo" because I like MCR makes me want to strangle the suethors and trolls who perpetuated this trope. *sigh*

On a side note...y'all reckon this is legit? Maybe this is due to my English major, but I refuse to believe that someone would actually rape the poor language like this and not know what they were doing.

The Scientist wrote:

Since you mentioned My Chemical Romance... Why do these people have to give poor Gerard Way and his band such a bad name? Yet again, it makes me go all "LEAVE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ALONE!". Seriously, they don't deserve this. They are nice people who make music that I consider very good, and being asked if I am "emo" because I like MCR makes me want to strangle the suethors and trolls who perpetuated this trope. *sigh*

On a side note...y'all reckon this is legit? Maybe this is due to my English major, but I refuse to believe that someone would actually rape the poor language like this and not know what they were doing.

Gerard Way, that was the name of the other guy. Well, I have heard their music, and while it's not exactly my cup of tea, I'm very sorry you have to deal with all the bad press surrounding the band.

And, I'm not quite sure. I've read things as (or almost as) bad as this before, and they seemed completely legitimate and not-badly-written-on-purpose, but I've also read an enormous amount of trollfics very similar to this, as I expect we all have. I'm going to err on the side of no-faith-in-the-human-race and say that it's legitimate, though if it is a trollfic, it's a very bad one.

I'm going to err on the side of faith in the human race, and call troll. I simply can't believe somebody would spell 'cool' with a 't' that many times and not notice even once. Not to mention all the 'leik's. I'm fairly certain that doesn't happen, particularly given that the author can spell 'Hogwarts', 'continued' and 'really'. If you can spell 'really', you can spell 'cool'.

Not to mention all the (lol geddits) are hallmark Tara Gilesbie stuff. This is a troll trying to rip off My Immortal.

GOD when will the nightmare end.

CookieCatCat wrote:

The Scientist wrote:

Since you mentioned My Chemical Romance... Why do these people have to give poor Gerard Way and his band such a bad name? Yet again, it makes me go all "LEAVE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ALONE!". Seriously, they don't deserve this. They are nice people who make music that I consider very good, and being asked if I am "emo" because I like MCR makes me want to strangle the suethors and trolls who perpetuated this trope. *sigh*

On a side note...y'all reckon this is legit? Maybe this is due to my English major, but I refuse to believe that someone would actually rape the poor language like this and not know what they were doing.

Gerard Way, that was the name of the other guy. Well, I have heard their music, and while it's not exactly my cup of tea, I'm very sorry you have to deal with all the bad press surrounding the band.

And, I'm not quite sure. I've read things as (or almost as) bad as this before, and they seemed completely legitimate and not-badly-written-on-purpose, but I've also read an enormous amount of trollfics very similar to this, as I expect we all have. I'm going to err on the side of no-faith-in-the-human-race and say that it's legitimate, though if it is a trollfic, it's a very bad one.

Thanks for the sympathies. But seriously, all that's said about MCR is nothing but bullshit. Most people who actually care about their music are completely normal ...as are basically all Green Day fans (such as myself). Makes me go GAH! every time I see a fic like this.

I don't have all that much faith in the human race, as well, but I still believe this one here is a troll.

It's fun to laugh at it, nonetheless.

Latherpants: Now in extra-strength, to kill gonnorhea the first time!

I call troll. To similar to My Immortal to be original. Oh well, nice first snark!

But the Latherpants are pretty epic, especially if this really is a troll.