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 LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY

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V3N0M
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PostSubject: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Thu Aug 12, 2010 7:33 am

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Another in a long line of sonic badfics, this one features Amy and Blaze hiring a stu named Connor T Hedgehog (A wanted assassin and bounty hunter) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] to kill shadow so they can fuck sonic.

Quote :
It was raining. There waiting was a hedgehog in dark blue shoes black
shirt with black jeans and a black and white checkered tie. He wore
black shades and combed back his blond hair, his coat and hat covered
his face only showing a few bits of hair.

Everyone got all that? Ok, moving on:

Quote :
He was Conor T. Hedgehog a wanted assassin and bounty hunter. He had recently received a new job from two ladies.

Connor: "Actually, I'm wanted for forging checks. The assassin thing is just me uploading videos of myself playing with a toy lightsaber and offering my services on the internet."
Quote :
Conor closed the phone and ran as fast as Sonic wind and rain blowing
in his face in only 1 minute after the call he was there he fixed his
glasses and hat and straightened his tie.Standing beside a fountain were two females a purple cat
and his pet froggy
Quote :
and a pink hedgehog.Follow us said the pink hedgehog.They walked silently and quickly up to an apartment block. They entered a big apartment with plenty of expensive things.So then I'm Blaze and this is Amy said the purple cat.So are the rumours true you defiantly run as fast as Sonic if not faster said Amy.Conor
spoke with an Irish Accent from Dublin. Yes there all through that I
can't die
I have never missed a shot and I'm somewhat crazy so then my
payment and the extra is what exactly.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] This is easily the most fucktarded superpower for an assassin to have. It makes being an assassin about as challenging as being Paris Hilton.

Quote :
We need you to kidnap someone Amy saidWho? Conor askedSonic said BlazeBoth
girls zoned out thinking about him his blue fur his masculine abs and
his muscled legs Conor clicked his fingers bringing them back

Wow, goddamn, did this author even bother to do a google image search for 'sonic?'

Quote :
No I mean why kidnap him. Conor saidEveryone knows Sonics bi
and as of now he is going out with shadow and he didn't ask us out first
so we decided the only person capable of killing Shadow would be you
and we want Sonic all to ourselves so bring him back alive and unharmed.
Blaze saidMy fee? Conor askedBut don't you wanna know about Shadow he's pretty powerful said AmyI can't die nothing scares me and the extra? Conor asked.You will be paid 50,000 Euro which is the main said BlazeWe
also own slaves a Bat and a Fox both trained for whatever you want
cooking, cleaning or your own personal use that is your extra said Amy

In the above passage, the author misspelled his own OC's name 3 times. Probably because he was trying to type one-handed.

Quote :
My opening fee? Conor askedAmy & Blaze: That will be us.LEMON

So aside from its complete unreadability due to the lack of punctuation, nothing really bad stands out in this fic until

Quote :
her prostate

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Writing smut without having firsthand experience should be punishable by law. That is all.

Anyway, after they are finished out come the slaves

Quote :
Suddenly a Bat and a Fox came out on chains they cleaned up after the mess they made.Are you gona be our new master? The bat asked.Please we'll be good we swear we'll do anything you ask the Fox said.Whats your names? Conor asked.I'm Fiona and this is Rouge the Fox said.You are both extremely beautiful Conor saidThey blushed.So Master where are you from? Rouge asked.Master hmm I like it. I'm Irish I'm the world's greatest assassin. Conor said.Will you fuck us like Mistresses Amy and Blaze? Fiona asked.If you behave then yes said Conor.Really we'll finally get fucked said Rouge.You're both virgins asked Conor.They both nodded. Conor smiled I'm beginning to like this job.

Connor: "Only 70 more to go." [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

And that about sums up chapter 1. It only goes downhill from here.


Last edited by V3N0M on Thu Aug 12, 2010 2:34 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Thu Aug 12, 2010 8:23 am

Chapters: 30

OH GOD WHY

I can barely even follow this thing with all the run on sentences and shitty formatting, also:

Quote :
Master hmm I like it. I'm Irish I'm the world's greatest assassin. Conor said.
Authors Location: Ireland
Gary Stu time! (As if it wasn't obvious enough already)

EDIT: I took a look at the reviews. Every review on the first page is positive. There are 58 reviews. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:03 am

I can just about follow this. And it makes me wish I couldn't.

"I can't die". I'm not sure if that's to be taken literally or if it's just his ego. Since the author's already made him flawless and faster than Sonic, adding in the former sounds pretty likely. But he's never missed a shot? The best assasain ever? I have characters who are awesome fighters but they are never said to be 'the best in the world' - they may consider themselves the best but that's ego, which is allowed.

The world's best assassain and bounty hunter? Faster than Sonic? NOBODY CAN RUN FASTER THAN SONIC. When did this guy miss his 'Don't make a Gary Stu' lesson? Note that 'faster than Sonic' is one of the first things mentioned about him. Considered capable of killing Shadow, a guy who seems to be pretty much unkillable, and kidnapping Sonic? Oh, and somewhat crazy. He talks as if this is a good quality in a hired killer. I suspect it's another way of saying "I'm bad-ass too."

You'd think the money alone would be incentive enough, but OH NO, he has to get fucked as well.

"We love Sonic but as part payment for you kidnapping him and killing Shadow we'll fuck you. Oh, and we own Rouge and Fiona, despite both of these gals being bitches who don't take orders, so that you can fuck them too. We genuinely believe this will make Sonic like us both, and we don't mind sharing him."

So basically they are pissed at Sonic for being bi, and want Shadow to be killed and Sonic to be theirs. They don't want to share Sonic with Shadow but seem carefully willing to share him with each other, effectively making HIM their slave. Take note this is Blaze and Amy, two GENUINELY good female characters.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:10 am

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:
I can just about follow this. And it makes me wish I couldn't.

"I can't die". I'm not sure if that's to be taken literally or if it's just his ego. Since the author's already made him flawless and faster than Sonic, adding in the former sounds pretty likely. But he's never missed a shot? The best assasain ever? I have characters who are awesome fighters but they are never said to be 'the best in the world' - they may consider themselves the best but that's ego, which is allowed.

The world's best assassain and bounty hunter? Faster than Sonic? NOBODY CAN RUN FASTER THAN SONIC. When did this guy miss his 'Don't make a Gary Stu' lesson? Note that 'faster than Sonic' is one of the first things mentioned about him. Considered capable of killing Shadow, a guy who seems to be pretty much unkillable, and kidnapping Sonic? Oh, and somewhat crazy. He talks as if this is a good quality in a hired killer. I suspect it's another way of saying "I'm bad-ass too."

You'd think the money alone would be incentive enough, but OH NO, he has to get fucked as well.

"We love Sonic but as part payment for you kidnapping him and killing Shadow we'll fuck you. Oh, and we own Rouge and Fiona, despite both of these gals being bitches who don't take orders, so that you can fuck them too. We genuinely believe this will make Sonic like us both, and we don't mind sharing him."

So basically they are pissed at Sonic for being bi, and want Shadow to be killed and Sonic to be theirs. They don't want to share Sonic with Shadow but seem carefully willing to share him with each other, effectively making HIM their slave. Take note this is Blaze and Amy, two GENUINELY good female characters.

Connor literally cannot die. He demonstrates early on by shooting himself in the head, then getting right back up. I left the passage out thinking it wasn't as important as Amy having a prostate. I see I was mistaken.

Now, since you probably don't want a double post, I'm going to start on the next chapter:

Quote :
Shadow woke smiling to his blue love.Morning Faker last night was amazing said Shadow.So I fuck your brains out giving you the best night of your life and you still call me faker? Sonic said.Well I don't have another pet name for you so he said playfully.Well Amy called me Soniku said Sonic.Nah two girly Shadow said.Well blue, Sonic and darling are fine Sonic said with a smile.Hey I ain't the women of this relationship Shadow said smiling back.HAHA sorry but you are Sonic laughed.Shadow jumps up and they mess fight Sonic jumps out of the way and grabs Shadow into a hug.Let's grab some breakfast Sonic said smiling.They both laughed and went down stairs.

Author: I'M NOT GAY! I know I'm typing with one hand but my balls just itch.

Also, nice tense shift, idiot. Seriously, how does anyone fuck up tenses?

Now, back to Amy and Blaze:

Quote :
As for you two get back to you rooms until we call you Amy shouted.Blaze kicked Fiona in the gut while Amy slapped Rouge. Conor immediately grabbed them by the hair and pulled.Amy and Blaze: Owwwww

All I'll say is it took me a while to figure out precisely who Conor grabbed. (Also, I guess he really did mean to spell it with only one N) Anyway, moving on:

Quote :
Conor pulled on his shirts, jeans, shoes and Glasses.I've got a plan but I will need your help he saidK what you need? Amy asked.You will need to put on something to make Sonic horny and make Shadow pissed Conor said.We do that and he'll kill us Blaze said.Well
you anyways he said with a laugh I'll stop him don't worry. Ok make a
date ask them to go to a restaurant with you and I'll come to make sure
it's fancy ok make it look like your gona seduce Sonic be flirty got it
Conor asked.And what has this got to do with anything? Amy asked.I'll see how Sonic behaves and this Shadow fella Conor answered.

Conor can't die! Why the fuck does he have to investigate when he can just kill Shadow in broad daylight with impunity? Oh, right, more plot-irrelevant sexual tension this way.

Quote :
Where you wanna go? Sonic asked.Somewhere really fancy Shadow said.How abo... Sonic began but the phone rang interrupted him.As he said this the phone rang. He answered to hear Amys voice on the phoneHey there big blue Amy said.Sonic rolled his eyes what ya want Amy?Me and Blaze are going out to a restaurant wanna come with us? Amy said.Funny we were gona go out hold on Sonic said.Sonic put his hand over the phoneHey Shads Amy and Blaze are going out to a Fancy Restaurant wanna go? Sonic asked him.Sure anything to get out of this house Shadow said lying on the couch.OK Amy see you guys at what time and which restaurant? Sonic asked.We're going to Mario and Luigis at 9 see ya then Soniku! Amy said with a giggle.

I've only read up to chapter 7 but I bet there's going to be a fuckton more unnecessary crossovers. Also, Sonic outright says Amy's annoying, but the bitch thinks that all she has to do is murder the hypotenuse and everything will work out.

Quote :
Conor walked in looking around and walked up to the bartender.Heineken Conor said.The Barman gave him his drink.Conor knocked it back and left without paying.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Next Conor runs into the suppression squad, the evil versions of Sonic's friends from one of the comics. For some reason they're snorting coke.

Quote :
Names Conor the Hedgehog remember me now he said.Wait you're... Alicia said stuttering.Yeah that's me still wanna fight? Conor asked.But the explosion and Metal Son... Alicia beganConor grabbed her by the throat.You know too much to live he said venom in his voice.Alicia grabbed her flick knife and stabbed him Conor looked down to see the knife lodged in his chest.Conor calmly said you bitch now I'm gona get blood on this suit.Conor
grabbed Alicia's arm still holding the knife and made her push deeper
into his chest until the knife went out the other side and so did her
hand. Boomer vomited as Miles looked away in disgust.Alicia
trembled as Conor fell back her arm still in his stomach landed on top
of him she lay there for a minute and then found the courage and
strength to pull her arm out.Conor lay there for a minute and then he moved his organs healed themselves and then he sat up and stood up.They all stood around staring at him fearing for their lives.

"Just like the Jocks will fear for their lives when I bring my pellet gun to graduation [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] "

Anyway, expect Conor's past to be poorly shoehorned into whichever canon this fic is citing.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Thu Aug 12, 2010 1:18 pm

Honestly, what the hell does caution have to do with ANYTHING when you're unkillable?

And geez, he's got a problem with her stabbing him and getting a little blood on his shirt but then SOMEHOW manages to PULL HER ENTIRE ARM THROUGH HIS BODY. Seems he doesn't feel pain either. And is abnormally strong.

So he's super strong, heals instantly, and is a magnet for women, and WHY does he need to actually show any caution on killing Shadow and kidnapping Sonic again?

If she knows too much to live, why didn't he just kill her after she stabbed him, rather than walking away? I mean, he's obviously not a nice guy.

I think (thanks to the suppression squad) this is the Archie universe. Not that it's really in keeping with any of the universes. Apart from anything else, Fiona became a member a while back. And since when did they do coke?

The author seems to have taken the shapes of the characters and injected them with JerkAss, turning everybody except Sonic and Shadow into assholes, and everybody else into victims, and Conor into somebody who all the assholishness revolves around.

It seems we should be feeling like Conor is a decent guy because he doesn't want Amy and Blaze hitting around his new slaves, but I'm not because he's a total prick, arrogantly displaying his immortality and invulnerability to every coke-snorter he meets in the street.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:06 pm

V3N0M wrote:
Quote :
No I mean why kidnap him. Conor saidEveryone knows Sonics bi
and as of now he is going out with shadow and he didn't ask us out first
so we decided the only person capable of killing Shadow would be you
and we want Sonic all to ourselves so bring him back alive and unharmed.
Blaze saidMy fee? Conor askedBut don't you wanna know about Shadow he's pretty powerful said AmyI can't die nothing scares me and the extra? Conor asked.You will be paid 50,000 Euro which is the main said BlazeWe
also own slaves a Bat and a Fox both trained for whatever you want
cooking, cleaning or your own personal use that is your extra said Amy

In the above passage, the author misspelled his own OC's name 3 times.
Conor's the proper spelling, dumbass. You're the one spelling it wrong by shoving in an extra N.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Thu Aug 12, 2010 5:30 pm

My bad. My mother's maiden name was Connor so I got it confused with this guy.

Anyway, Chapter 3

Quote :
The night was calm and warm Sonic and Shadow walked up to the restaurant holding hands. At the door Luigi greeted them.Mama Mai Sonic and a Shadow so good to see you again. How are you mya friends? Luigi said cheerfullyHi Luigi long time no see we're great and how are you and Mario? Sonic said shaking Luigis hand.I'm fine and Mario is great won't you come in Luigi said.They
stepped into a magnificent restaurant with candles on every table but
to their dismay was the sound of two girls shrieking with joy.Sonic groaned and Shadow huffed but they joined Amy and Blaze at the table.They got up to meet Sonic and he saw them both.Amy was wearing a tight skirt and a red shirt showing off her breasts Sonic looked at her and immediately began to stare.Woah damn she's hot I bet she ain't wearing panties under that skirt Sonic thought to himself.

Given that Amy had a prostate in chapter 1, I'm sure she has something under that skirt.

Quote :
Hello Mario we're grand everyone ready to order? Blaze asked.I'll have chilli dogs with some of your famous spicy chilli Sonic said.Sonic eat at least one different thing for once please said Shadow a little annoyed.Ok love I will I'll have the lasagne Sonic said.I'll have the spaghetti Shadow said.Amy ran her hand along the menu.I'll have... the pizza she finally said.Blaze: Salad for me please.To drink? Mario asked.Red or white wine? Sonic asked.Red said Shadow.Is that ok with you two? Sonic said.Amy and Blaze: Sure.

Mario: "The only Michelins I have are on my car"

Quote :
They began to chat Amy ran her foot up Sonics leg he gave her a sharp
look. Sometime later on the door opened and in stepped Conor he looked
around and Blaze signalled for him to sit with them.Hey over here! Blaze said smiling.Evening said Conor.Nice to meet you er... Sonic said.Conor T. H.With that he smiled and sat down.So good to meet you... he said grinning.DUN DUN DUN... Sorry if it was rushed I had tests and I wanted to post a new chapter so I'll start righting soon.

Hope none of them were english tests. Maybe instead of shitting out 30 chapters he could start righting his grammar.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Thu Aug 12, 2010 7:03 pm

Quote :
Hello Mario we're grand everyone ready to order? Blaze asked.I'll have chilli dogs with some of your famous spicy chilli Sonic said.
Uh... is chili Italian?
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Fri Aug 13, 2010 3:22 am

Quote :
So are the rumours true you defiantly run as fast as Sonic if not faster said Amy.Conor spoke with an Irish Accent from Dublin. Yes there all through that I can't die

So basically, he's Sonic The Highlander?
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Fri Aug 13, 2010 12:13 pm

Sonic and Mario are FRIENDS?!

For crying out loud, if he's gonna have an Italian resturaunt... blah.

It's just stupid, is all.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Fri Aug 13, 2010 6:58 pm

Freezer wrote:
Quote :
So are the rumours true you defiantly run as fast as Sonic if not faster said Amy.Conor spoke with an Irish Accent from Dublin. Yes there all through that I can't die

So basically, he's Sonic The Highlander?

Great. Now I've got Queen's intro from the show stuck in my head, except instead of envisioning Adrian Paul, I'm envisioning Sonic holding the sword up while it's struck by lightning. Wearing his little red plumbers outfit.


Last edited by Rabid Badger on Sat Aug 14, 2010 1:11 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Sat Aug 14, 2010 12:09 am

If you want to read ahead, the fic devolves into even more of a psychotic power trip, but for now, Chapter 4

Quote :
Dinner isa ser... Sorry did you order anything Mr... Mario asked.No but I'll have a Guinness said Conor.We don't server that here sir Mario said.Do you serve Beer? Conor asked.No sir only wine Mario said.Then I'm fine Conor said.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
The author is probably too young to drink any of those.

Quote :
Aren't you roasting its very hot in here said Shadow to Conor.Conor
looked at him and then removed his jacket and they saw a funny looking
watch on his arm. They all looked at it. He looked up to see them
looking he put his hand over it quickly and got up.

The watch doubled as a flash drive where he stored his kiddy porn collection.

Quote :
Blaze got up and followed him. Conor made his way outside and stood at the door. Blaze came out and looked at him.You alright? She asked.Yeah
I don't like people looking at the watch. The Shadow fella seems well
built and this Sonic guy seems familiar like a guy I once knew and he
looks pretty tough but I always win.When will you do it? Blaze asked.I'm gona mess with them first and then take Sonic Conor said clenching his fist.

"Sure I could just kill him, but then the fic would be over too quickly for any more yiff orgies."

Quote :
Well said Sonic I've fought all my life since I was 10 I
served at knothole and defeated Robotnick for good but he then
derobotised himself turning into Eggman and I'm still fighting.Conor looked at him in disbelief Ro...Ro... Robotnick and Knothole.Whats wrong? Sonic asked.Mario interrupted them as he came over.Here is your bill said Mario.Wow that's a lot of rings said Shadow.Sorry but with the way things are we can't help it said MarioHere Conor put rings on the table and quickly left.Amy and Blaze got up said goodbye both kissing Sonic on his checks and ran.Shadows
eyes flared with anger but Sonic grabbed him into a warm loving
embrace. Sonic and Shadow moved for the door as Luigi stopped them.Keep your eyes on that Fella ina Black said Luigi.He's harmless but under those glasses I think he was staring at me I think he likes me said Sonic.More than a friend and there will be trouble said Shadow.

Sonic: "I'm gay so anyone who interacts with me must be gay too."

Quote :
Amy and Blazes Apartment Conor threw the door open and stormed in to see Amy and Blaze undressing he grabbed them chocking them and in a fury he shouted.WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY IT WAS THAT SONIC THE HEDGEHOG Conor roared at them.Who else said Amy.I've seen lots of guys call themselves Sonic it's actually a popular name said Conor.*Wheeze* Please let us go Blaze said.Conor looked them in the eyes and let them go.So
you're that Amy and Blaze. Oh I should fucking kill you both but your
gona help me get Sonic Oh its payback for that Blue Fuck!What are you talking about? Amy asked rubbing her throat.Think
back to Knothole remember me we fought together the lot of us you, me
Blaze, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Sally it's me that Conor.What! Shrieked Amy.It can't be your dead 9 years Blaze said.Surprise Surprise Conor said.But you fought Metal Sonic in the Emerald chamber as we escaped and
the explosion you must have died Amy said moving back from him.I
saw it you killed one another and you fell over your left arm through
Metals head and his arm through your stomach said Blaze scared for her
life.

That's what you get for stealing the spotlight from Sonic, dipshit.

Quote :
Oh I survived and I'm gona get Sonic said Conor.Why Metal killed you not Sonic Amy said.Oh I have a reason said Conor.You better not kill him it's our deal Blaze said regaining her courage.I know the contract but I may kill him Conor said.Conor walked into the slave's room to see Rouge and Fiona playing with each other Conor swung Rouge around and kissed her.Hey baby I'm back did ya miss me Conor said grinning.

And the shitfest continues in Chapter 5:

Quote :
Rouge stared deep into Conors blue eyes she fell in love with him on the spot.

Because the author wants Conor to be a ladies man but doesn't know how to go about it.

Quote :
Rouge stared deep into Conors blue eyes she fell in love with him on the spot.Hello Master she said.I'm not your Master Conor said.So we belong to Mistresses Amy and Blaze? Fiona asked.No but I'm not your Master Rouge do you remember me? Conor said.Your eyes seem familiar but I can't think said Rouge.9 years is a long time but baby I'm back from the dead said Conor smiling.What are you talking about? Rouge said confused.We
were in love you and I said Conor. We were dating back in Knothole do
you remember we went to steal the Master Emerald in the emerald chamber
but Robotnick and Metal Sonic were there fighting Locke and then the
freedom fighters showed up. I died and Knuckles took the emerald.What but that means... Rouge said shocked.Conor removed his hat and glasses fully showing his scarOh My God Conor... she began to cry but you died we all saw it happen she said.Conor dried her tears with his hand smilingWill you help me get revenge on Sonic my love he said.I'll help you she said smiling up at him.

Make the protagonists turn on each other? How hard can it be? (Not to mention I've never seen Rouge help anyone without money or shared interests being involved.)

Quote :
Fiona will you join us? Conor asked.So you're that Conor Fiona
said. You wanna get Sonic so do I he and Mighty left me in a jail cell
for years while they escaped. I'll help.My Angels Conor said, he got up and hugged Rouge Girls were gona have some fun! He said grinning.

I can't find anything about Fiona being imprisoned on Wikipedia so I'm guessing the author pulled it out of his ass. Her motive is not discussed further so I'm guessing the second.

Quote :
The Apartment So we'll sneak into their house and mess
with them and put them back in bed afterwards to make it look like a
dream. So that's the plan you all understand? Conor said.The girls nodded.Good said ConorSonics HouseShadow
began to twist and turn in his sleep suddenly he opened his eyes to see
a figure in black looming over him he put a hand over Shadows mouth and
in a flash they were on a skyscraper the dark figure was holding Shadow
by the throat over the ledge. He let go Shadow screamed as he plummeted
towards the ground as he hit the pavement he woke up to see Sonic
sleeping and Shadow looked around the room nothing but a nightmare he
told himself as he fell back asleep.Sonic woke to the feeling of
something stroking his thighs and cock Shadow you dirty boy he said as
he looked down to see Amy naked rubbing his cock looking entranced at it
she saw a fox that he couldn't remember and Rouge pinning his arms back
they were also naked while Blaze sat on his stomach rubbing his chest
and a hedgehog in black place a hand over his mouth Sonic began to
struggle but the girls and the hedgehog didn't move the hedgehog spoke
in a whisper of a voice "You've got skeletons in your closet" Sonic
arched his back as he came in Amys mouth. The hedgehog smiled and in a
flash Sonic woke up sweating he looked down to find that the girls and
hedgehog were nowhere to be seen Shadow was sleeping he fell back
asleep.Both hedgehogs got little sleep from constant bad dreams
Sonic dreamed the hedgehog in black kept dunking him in water and Shadow
saw Maria being shot before his eyes by a hedgehog in black all the
time girls surrounded him giggling and laughing.

How did he do this you lazy sack of shit?

Quote :
Blaze: So they both seemed to freak out last night but how does this get us Sonic?Oh
I just wanted to mess with them ya know play around with them mess with
their state of mind Conor said. If they ask about the dreams act
concerned and talk and listen to them play along ok. Ok enjoy today
we're gona relax and take it easy tomorrow we go after Tails we'll scare
him then make him join us one way or another and then I'll meet up with
some old friends then my revenge begins I get to torture him by letting
Blaze and Amy fuck him senseless and I've got other plans in store for
him too but today have fun do whatever get naked smash the TV I don't
care just have fun.

Blaze: "how many times do I have to polish your knob before you actually do what I paid you to do?"

Conor: "Gimme more time, I may not be able to die but that's still no reason to get careless"

Blaze "Fair enough *gets on knees*"

Quote :
Conor went over and poured himself a bowl of cereal. Fiona walked past pulling Rouge's panties downRouge blew a kiss at Fiona Conor saw this and almost chocked on his cereal

Permavirgin spotted. Real playas don't get excited so easily.

Quote :
Ok this should make up for the small chapter I posted before I hope you
enjoy this because I stayed up all night typing this so please review as
I get some rest

Such dedication. Staying up all night but not even proofreading his self-insert fantasy before sharing it with the world.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Sat Aug 14, 2010 3:19 am

I tried to read that. I really did. But all I kept seeing

IS
A
GIANT
BLOCK
OF
TEXT
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Sat Aug 14, 2010 9:11 am

So in chapter 6 Conor finally gets around to more lemon, though quite frankly I would prefer lemon juice. In my eyes.

Quote :
Conor lay down on the sofa exhausted from the day of shopping the girls
dragged him through

Why four girls gravitated towards a pussywhipped little bitch is anyone's guess. He'd probably fit in at loveshy.

Quote :
He randomly flicked through the channels to see a news report of Sonic and Shadow defeating Doctor Eggman.So
Robutnick is now an Egghead hmm something's never change he might prove
useful to me another pawn in my game of chess Conor thought.

So he goes from being a lone assassin to being an evil mastermind? This could be interesting with another writer, but this dipshit just tried to lazily roll every bad boy/villain archetype into one character. Guess all his blood's not in his brain right now.

Quote :
So up for that all-nighter you said hmm? She asked.Well I've got something to do so you girls have fun until I get back Conor said with a smile.Conor pulled on his jacket, hat, fixed his glasses grabbed his magnums and left.
The Little LemonThe
girls all smiled and went into Amy and Blazes master bedroom Rouge and
Fiona started to rub up against each other and kissed Amy played with
Blazes tits causing her to moan she fell back onto the bed with Amy on
top of her Blaze moved her knee up and down rubbing Amys pussy they both
moaned in bliss.Rouge began to lick Fiona's nipples as she moved
her hand down to her vagina she poked a finger in making Fiona scream
Rouge pinched one nipple while licking the other as she slipped another
finger into Fiona.

Once again, a lot of run on sentences with nothing particularly interesting until...

Quote :
Rouge grabbed Fiona's head and pushed it in deeper she orgasmed into
Fiona's mouth "You taste like strawberries "Fiona said licking her lips.

I'd suggest calling a doctor about that, but the way the story's going Rouge would probably fuck him too.

Quote :
Fiona couldn't hold out any longer they both came together as they
kissed and cuddled together the Girls pulled up the covers and fell into
a deep sleep.Part 1 of the lemon complete next chapter will finish it

As long as we have some of the other smileys from SA we really need the :effort: one. Anyway, we're a 5th of the way done, let's go on to chapter 7.

Quote :
Eggman was looking at new schematics for a robot when all of a sudden an egg droid entered.Sir it is time for your daily snack the robot droned.Oh how I loathe this organic body how I long for my metallic body back Eggman said.Eggman
went into a dining room. Robots brought in food although Eggman wanted
to return to his machine even he admitted that it was delicious.Delicious
but now I must go to central command so I've left the schematics in the
workshop get to it understand Eggman said to an egg pawn.

Get what to understand what?
Le sigh. Come for the bad porn, stay for the abysmal communication skills.

Quote :
Life form was present on the island the computer said.What! Computer locate the source Eggman shouted.Confirmed. Life form in sector 76.56 by 45.89 the computer replied.Hmm the other side of the island what's Sonic doing there Eggman said.Sir Life form shows speed increasing and is heading for the base the computer said.Come on I may be evil but damn I deserve breaks. Blast that the hedgehog to pieces Eggman roared.Conor
ran through the island he stopped to see sentries and missile launchers
starting up he pulled out his magnums and leaped into the air firing
bullets at everyone of them making them all explode he landed and ran
again towards the baseWho's that Sonic doesn't use weapons oh
I'll bet it's Shadow or that anti twit of him what's his face the green
one, oh well Computer send out all robots and crush that hedgehog and
lock the main base door Eggman shouted.

What follows is an incoherent fight sequence that was probably a lot better in whatever movie it was cribbed from. Then...

Quote :
Conor sang as he walked through the hallways1...2... Conors coming for you,3...4... Better lock your door5...6... With my bag of tricks7...8... I'll make your body shake9...10... You'll never move againConor turned a corner and began againOh where oh where oh where is Eggy? Oh where oh where oh where is Eggy? Oh where oh where oh where is Eggy? Where can Eggy be?

Thus begins the author's descent into madness.

So, after Connor repeats to eggman what he already revealed to the readers several chapters ago, Conor and Eggman reach an agreement:

Quote :
The Enemy of My Enemy Is My Friend Conor said with a smile.We both wanna kill Sonic hum deal Eggman said laughing.Oh and believe me a double cross won't work ok Julian Conor said.Wouldn't dream of it Eggman said laughing.Build an army and in time we'll storm Castle Acorn and take over Mobius Conor said laughing.I like the way you think Eggman said smiling.So do I Conor said laughing.

Now, for another sex scene that does not advance the plot in any way, shape or form!

Quote :
The ApartmentConor quietly entered the apartment and
peeked in the bedroom door to see the girls playing with each other
again. Conor watched them until they all cuddled together again.A Very Long LemonConor
walked in the girls all smiled. Conor grabbed Rouge and kissed her he
began to move his hand up and down her thighs he squeezed her ass, he
felt her tongue beg entrance he allowed the two began to battle tongues
each tasting the other after what seemed hours they broke the kiss for
air.You taste great Conor said.You too Rouge said.Ohh I'd like a taste Fiona said.She crawled over to him on the bed like an animal her eyes met his she rubbed up against him pushing her breasts against himOh fuck me hard like the animal I am Fiona said lying on top of him.Conor come here sexy I need help scratching an itch Amy said running a hand along her leg.Give me a ride I'll never forget Blaze said.Conor darling I need a good fucking all over Rouge said.God
thank you so much Conor said smiling so much it hurt him. Girls the
only reasonable way for now is me and Rouge while you three play. Oh and
play nice ok.Be gentle it's my first time Rouge said.

...Sayeth the most fanservice-y character in the games. I don't get this writer's thought process at all, everyone else typecasts Amy or, god forbid, Cream, as the virgin.

Quote :
Oh I'm Coming I'm coming Rouge screamed out.ME TOO Conor shouted.

All caps but no exclamation point? I guess he needed to keep his fapping hand free somehow.

Quote :
I'm finished for tonight I'm lucky if I can walk after that he said.Blaze: You big meanie.Save it for Sonic he said. Hey Rouge you awake?Yeah I'm still awake she said.I wanna talk for a bit follow me ok he said.Conor and Rouge left the Girls and they went into the living room and sat down.God you're as beautiful as the day I first saw you he said he brushed a stray hair back behind her ear.

And we turn on a dime from raunchy to sappy. Also, I don't remember Rouge having long enough hair to brush out of the way. Did Conor just take a regular porn fic and replaces the character's names with sonic characters or what?

Quote :
We were kids then Rouge said.10 years old fighting our entire lives

Geneva Convention be damned!

Quote :
Conor said fixing his watch.But I want to know how your here and what's with the watch? Rouge said.Don't touch that Conor shouted.While he said this she grabbed Conors wrist took the watch it beeped and within seconds Conors right arm began to meltOH
MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPINGING! Rouge screamed the girls came in to
the room to see Conors arm melt then they saw a streak of silver in a
part of his arm. Within seconds they saw that there was no skin on
Conors right arm only a metal arm resembling Metal Sonics.Oh my god what happened to your arm Rouge shouted.You don't want to know trust me Conor said trying to cover his arm.Tell me now! Rouge screamed at him.When
I survived the explosion I lost my arm Metal Sonic and I were
teleported to an abandoned Eggman base where a medic droid attached his
arm to mine Conor said. The watch gives it a coat of false nanobots to
resemble skin.

The fuck? If I had a robotic arm I'd be wearing it with pride. If course, I don't have a writer who thinks I need some bogus pretense for wangst.

Quote :
Rouge give me the watch Conor said.Rouge held out the watch to show that she had crushed it in her handI'm sorry but I crushed it by accident I got a fright when your arm began to melt Rouge said slightly scared.

This is easily the stupidest reason for conflict I have ever seen.

Quote :
I'm really sorry Rouge said.It's ok I guess Conor said shrugging his shoulders.Conor got up but Rouge backed awayHey it's still the same me he said.Conor moved a little closer but Rouge again backed away.

See, If you hadn't freed her from slavery she wouldn't have...oh goddamn what am I saying?
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Sat Aug 14, 2010 3:30 pm

So, uh... why did his arm melt again?

Also, unless you douche reguarly with strawberries, your pussy won't taste of them. But for these girls, I'd suggest cola.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Sat Aug 14, 2010 6:09 pm

Harley, do I even want to know? Particularly considering anything sugary causes yeast infections.

Chapter 8

Quote :
Conor sat upon a roof top looking over station square and out to the
sea the wind blew through his hair making his tie rise with it he ran
his left hand along his metal arm.
Conor: You can come out now
Fiona: How did you know I was here?
Conor: I could hear you following me. Sit if you want
She sat down beside him putting her head on his shoulder Conor looked at her and then turned his head back barely caring.
Fiona: I never met anyone like you
Conor: That's fairly obvious
Fiona: No I mean you're different not because of the power but you look at
life differently, you do things no one else can and the plans you make
and yet you are in love with Rouge.
Conor: She's afraid of me now that will take time and what can I say I fell in love with her.
Fiona: Whats so special about her?
Conor: I feel like I'm balanced with her around
Fiona: What?Conor:
As soon as I found out that I was fighting Sonic I was going to kill
Amy and blaze but I didn't because I thought of her that she was chained
up. I could have gone and killed everyone that got in my way but she
taught me otherwise. In knothole I was part of Sonics group and I was
gona go in and destroy every swatbot in my way but she taught me
patience and understanding and I taught her too.

Patience? What patience? Give me any evidence from any canon that Rouge is some kind of zen master instead of a greedy jewel thief and I'll fuck an Erlenmeyer flask.

Quote :
Fiona: Your just like me see already fired up look at you go. You got
scars so do I yours are visible mine have faded. You're a tough guy
that needs a bad girl like me if you wanna kill Sonic I'm your girl and I
Love you no matter what.
Conor: Give Rouge time she'll come around.
Fiona: Do the words I LOVE YOU MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!
Conor: Hmm we are the same in a way.
Fiona: And what's that
Conor: We hate to lose.

Pity the writer shows all the signs of being a born loser. The strawberry cum and the poorly written romance scene were dead giveaways. Also the idea of a fancy restaurant serving pizza and chili dogs. And the fact the this guy's writing self-insert sonic porn in the first place.

Quote :
Amy: Great news Conor
Conor: I'm listing
Blaze: Do you remember Sally?
Conor: The Princess of the Acorn Family
Amy: We got invited to the ball
Conor: What?
Rouge: The annual Acorn ball it's held in Acorn Castle
Conor: Perfect and I've got news for you all while you all had fun I went to see the doctor
Blaze: Eggman
Conor: Yep and he now works for me ain't I great

He still hasn't explained why he needs an army of badniks when he can't die. Why couldn't he just waltz into the castle and kill everyone in broad daylight?
Also, after missing so many periods the writer might as well be a real life mpreg.

Quote :
Conor: No as soon as we take Sonic I'll rid myself as Eggman which is where Tails comes in
Fiona: OK so we enter the ball but you must have something else
Conor: Capturing Sonic is one thing but I wanna make him suffer so tomorrow we capture Tails
Fiona: That two tailed kid that loved me
Conor: Yes and using that weakness you will help me turn him against Sonic and join us.
Fiona: Great now I got to shake my ass at him so he'll immediately join us

Yep Fiona's ass is all it takes to separate Tails from his...wait, that was what happened in the comic, wasn't it?

Quote :
Conor: Rouge you ok?
Rouge: How could you not tell me
Conor: Oh I'm so fucking sorry that I didn't fucking tell oh wait let me try
ahem... Hello Rouge it's me your dead boyfriend from knothole we dated
and I was killed in an explosion in the emerald chamber and I lost my
right arm a robot attached Metal Sonics to mine so wanna go out some
time.
Rouge: You're an asshole
Conor: I lost my fucking arm trying to save the ones I loved and my friends and the entire world of
Mobius but now I'm back and my own girlfriend hates me pissed because I
didn't say I have a robotic arm you seemed to accept the I can't die
thing why is this different

Wait, wasn't this bag of silicon and neuroses the same character that taught Conor patience? Can you say recursively OOC?

Quote :
Conor: In two days we go to castle Acorn and we kill anyone that gets
in our way you got that. No objections good now then ladies Good Night.
Conor went into a bedroom and Fiona followed him.
Next chapter coming soon please review

So let me get this straight. You don't care enough about your readers to make your story any more readable than "Sonic to a car" and yet you expect them to review your little ego trip?

Unfortunately, as it turns out, they do review his little ego trip and only one of the reviews points out his failure to understand basic grammar. Oh, and it turns out Conor ripped off Freddy Kruger, which fits perfectly with the bright and colorful world Sonic inhabits, amirite?
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Sun Aug 15, 2010 9:25 am

Good grief. Conor's supposed to be this hard-ass bastard. He was being paid to kidnap Sonic and kill Shadow. Now he's dragging Tails into this, using Eggman's army of badnics, and plans to kill Doctor Robotnik.

And his employers have no problems with this?

You know, when you hire a hitman, it's generally because you don't want to get your own hands dirty, but Conor is dragging his employers into doing a shitload of work for him.

And why is he getting powers he doesn't need? Something tells me this robot arm is only there to look cool, and his invulnerability and ability to never miss a shot don't seem to stop him from making contorted and complicated plans.

So, Conor wants his kidnap victim to suffer. It's not like it's omething he'll be paid to do. Fiona broke Tails' heart in the comics and he decided he didn't want her any more after she joined the Suppression Squad. Unless a very stupid writer came along he won't be going back. And he sure won't turn against Sonic for the bitch.

"As soon as I found out I was fighting Sonic". Oh, come on, that part was stupid. This is Amy and Blaze; would there be any OTHER Sonic they wanted? And if you thought it might have been another Sonic, why didn't you ask "Sonic who?"

And if you really want to free those poor slave-girls without trouble, just kill Amy and Blaze and set the girls free.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Wed Aug 18, 2010 9:53 am

The contract doesn't seem to matter anymore, since he's pretty transparently plotting with Fiona and Rouge to kill Sonic.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Wed Aug 25, 2010 5:22 pm

Quote :
You are so stupid at times you know that Shadow said.

If I'm challenged to a chilli dog eating contest I'm obviously gona do it Sonic said laughing.

And now you're sick how is that gona fair out you may not be able to go to the Acorn ball unless Doctor Quack knows if its food poisoning or you're sick from eating so much Shadow said.

Nah I'll be...be... Sonic began.

Sonic grabbed a basin that Shadow left beside him in case he got sick and puked violently into it.

OK there is no chance your gona be able to go its tomorrow and you can't even walk Shadow said shaking his head.

The interactions between sonic and are sometimes amusing, though probably not in character. I wonder which movie the author stole them from.

Quote :
I heard you were sick Tails said.

Yeah Vector challenged me to a chilli dog eating contest and I won but I puked up my guts and now I can barely move Sonic said humour in his voice.

That's terrible I guess I'll tell Sally you can't go she'll be crushed but oh well Tails said sighing.

No I'm going no matter what I cant let Sally down Sonic said.

No you're not I said no so stop talking about going cause you're not Shadow said annoyed.

Shadow you're really feisty it's kind of turning me on Sonic said seductively smiling at Shadow.

Tails: Uh guys I'm still on the phone Tails said a little creeped out.

All the lemons are hetero/lesbian, but the author seems to put a relatively large amount of effort into Sonic and Shadow. The author's probably hiding in a Narnia-sized closet.

Quote :
Tails House

Just don't think about just watch tv he sat down to see sponge bob on "This should help he thought.

Always Spongebob. Conor must be 13 if he thinks Spongebob is the only good show on the air. It's funny but not that funny, especially when you've seen damn near every rerun 500 times with no sign of new episodes.

There's also the irony of Tails trying to wash out the thought of Sonic and Shadow buttsecksing by watching an allegedly gay cartoon.

Meanwhile, at out "hero's" house

Quote :
You're not yourself today Fiona said playfully.

I'm regretting what I said last night Conor said.

Look it's over between you two but I'm here ain't I she said snuggling into him Fiona said.

Look I got business to take care of so if you'll excuse me Conor said sadness in his voice.

Conor walked out of the bathroom and grabbed his jeans but Fiona tackled him onto the bed.

Playing hard to get mmmh that's' getting me hot Fiona said letting her hair down

Fiona I don't know what to do I'm trying to kill my old friend and make another join me but you and the girls are fighting over me you and Rouge especially Conor said.

Rouge ain't anymore I'm all yours she said looking into his eyes.

Wow he's really hurt that flame in his eyes is gone she thought to herself.

Conor can't die but his skin's thinner than a wet paper bag.


Quote :
I COME TO APOLOGISE AND YOU'RE FUCKING FIONA Rouge screamed at him.

NEVER MIND THAT I ALREADY FUCKED FIONA A FEW CHAPTERS AGO Rouge continued, too angry to remember to add quotes or an exclamation point.

Quote :
It's not like that she loves me and I love you I'm sorry for what I said last night Conor said.

Why should I trust you Rouge said.

Because I love you Conor said really meaning it.

Yeah right Rouge turned her head.

You don't believe that then fine we're finished

I guess the author forgot the whole slavery thing. Again. So after a little argument Conor goes back to his bad boy personality:

Quote :
So wanna be my girl Conor said.

Of course I do baby Fiona said smiling.

You bad girl we're going to Tails house get your clothes on Conor said smiling.

Conor pulled on his shirt, jeans and glasses while Fiona put on her trademark leather costume and they left.

Tails House

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea Sponge Bob Square Pants! Tails said.

I've never heard anyone sing along to Spongebob. Ever. And Tails was supposed to be the smart one.

Tails: Hurrrrrrrrrr!

Quote :
He was interrupted by a knock on the door he opened the door to see Conor and Fiona standing in the door way

Conor looked over his glasses

You Tails? He asked.

Yeah Tails said. He looked at him then at Fiona. Hey do I know you miss he said.

Conor quickly punched Tails in the face and then kneed him in the stomach then Fiona kicked him in the face Tails fell over blood flowing from his nose and lip he looked up to see the two smiling

Nice kick Conor said smirking.

Not bad yourself Fiona said.

Tails looked at them and pulled himself up

Oh look he's still moving Fiona said giggling.

I'll fix that Conor said with and evil grin.

Conor grabbed Tails by his chest and smashed his face into the door and threw him back onto the ground. Tails looked up before he fell unconscious.

And then the fic really starts to go downhill.

Quote :
Tails slowly opened his eyes and tried to look around his vision was blurry and his head was killing him his body ached all over he could only remember opening the door and then nothing.

Hey there sleepy head Conor said with a grin.

Who are you where am I? Tails said.

You're in your lab Fiona said.

What happened I don't remember? Tails said.

I'll tell you Fiona and I here where walking through the woods and all of a sudden we saw Sonic and Shadow knock on your door and as you opened it they beat you up and dragged you inside. After they left we went in

But I saw you two in front of me Tails said.

Yeah you opened your eyes as we helped you up but you passed out again Fiona said.

Rubbish Sonic would never do something like that Tails said.

Why would we lie to you after all you Sonic The Hedgehogs sidekick Conor said smiling.

My name is Tails! He began to get up but found he was locked to a chair. Hey what's going on? He shouted.

They locked you to this chair and violated you while you were unconscious we saw through that window up there Conor said.

Rape explains everthing!

Quote :
No way that happened your lying Tails roared at Conor.

If we were gona kill you you'd be dead or if we were gona rape you we would have but we haven't done anything and we're trying to find a key to help you Conor said calmly.

There in that drawer Tails said.

This one? Fiona asked.

Yeah Tails said.

So Tails just happens to have a chair that he can lock people into? Yeah, nice characterization there dumbass.

Tails: "Actually zis chair is a sovenir from mein days of experimenting on ze Jews in Bergen Belsen."

Quote :
Fiona grabbed the key and held it in her hand.

You want out you'll help us Conor said.

Do what Tails asked him.

I'm out to get Sonic and you should want revenge to shouldn't ya Conor said.

No because he didn't do it Tails shouted back.

Conor: You gona help me take him down if you want to or not. Don't and well you could find a certain rabbit gone missing and eventually little bits here and there so you're gona help me get them.

And Conor goes from being a sensitive wuss to a child killer in the same chapter.

Quote :
What do you want in return money, power, fame, Women? Fiona? Conor asked.

What! Tails said.

You know from knothole your little or should I say your big crush Conor said smiling.

How do you know about that? Tails said.

Well will you join us Conor said moving towards him.

No get away from me Tails roared.

Maybe a free sample is in order Fiona if you please Conor said smirking.

To make a long story short, it works.

Quote :
So now what Tails said.

You work for me understand try to leave and I'll kill you on the spot got it Conor said smiling cheerfully.

Y-Y-YES I got it sir Tails said.

God boy now then off you go to Amy and Blazes apartment bring only clothes and if Sonic calls tell him nothing got it or else we wouldn't want anything to happen to your friend Cream now would we Conor said grinning.

No Sir Tails said.

Clever lad Conor said.

Eh how do I get up? Tails asked.

Conor walked over to him and ripped the chain off with his right arm come over to the apartment at 10 O'clock got it.

I understand Tails said.

Fiona we're going Conor said.

Coming darling Fiona said they linked arms and left.

So that's another 4 chapters in one day Freddy Kruger eat your heart out.

I'd suggest getting a beta reader but that would be unnecessarily cruel to the beta.

Chapter 10

Quote :
The day had finally come Conor smiled as he woke up he saw Fiona still asleep she had her leg around his and she was holding onto his arm.

You have to read this passage real slow to imagine anything other than a furry pretzel. This is why you don't do run on sentences!

Quote :
You love using your tongue Conor said.

Family trait Fiona said giving a smile.

And she knows this how?

Quote :
Someone Jealous Conor asked

Rouge got up and went for her room

Ignore me now but later on you do as I say or I slit ya from ear to ear Conor calmly said.

"Rouge taught me patience"

Quote :
He looked over to see Tails with Amy on his lap he was rubbing her breasts while Blaze sucked him off

Tails service with a smile huh Conor laughed outload

Tails mouthed a thank you

So much for worrying about Cream.

Quote :
Later at Sonics House

Shadow was wearing a new tuxedo with a rose in his shirt pocket

How do I look Shadow said asking Sonic

Handsome Sonic said

Is that all Shadow said

Women always want more than an easy comment Sonic teased

Shut up! Shadow rolled his eyes

Shadow helped Sonic down to the couch and gave him the remote

I'll be back after midnight so have fun Shadow gave a smile

Seeya Sonic said

As Shadow left Sonic flicked on the tv and looked around he made sure Shadow was gone and then turned the Tv to Play Hog

Damn look at that ass Sonic smiled and sat back.

Totally in character!

Quote :
Hello came Eggmans voice

The Army ready? Conor inquired

Ready to march on your command Eggman said

Storm the castle when I give the signal take Sally hostage leave anyone else ok Conor said coldly

Understood Eggman said

Good and he closed his phone and waited he was wearing his usual clothes while Amy, Rouge, Blaze and Fiona wore red or black dresses

Ready to go he asked they nodded and left

Amy: "How's this supposed to help you kill Shadow?"

Conor: "Shut up bitch!"

Amy: "Good point."

Quote :
The Ballroom

Sally, Shadow and the freedom fighters were chatting about the old days while the music began everyone began to dance even Cream and cheese joined in. Sally and Shadow both danced everyone was happy until they heard a shout then a scream the music stopped and then then heard a ripping noise the main doors opened Conor walked in holding a guards head in his right arm a woman screamed but everyone fell silent and stepped back

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen we're tonight entertainment I'm looking for Sonic anyone know where I can find him Conor grabbed a shrimp from a waiters tray

He walked down a line pointing a various guest asking if they knew where Sonic was he came to Antoine

Hello Antoine know where I can find Sonic need to talk to him about something Conor grinned I'll settle for his loved ones

Antoine spoke in a French accent: We are not scared by thugs

Conor looked at him grabbed the champagne he was holding drank it then smashed the glass over Antoine head. Antoine fell over Bunny rushed to help her husband up Conor knelt down to him and said you should be.

Shadow had seen enough he went to step out but Sally stopped him she stepped out to face Conor

Why hello beautiful Conor said he brushed his hair back and walked towards her

Hello Sally been a awhile hasn't it Conor said

Just who are you Sally asked

Conor looked at Fiona and said Nine years isn't really a long time is it I mean you guys made a tribute to me but now I'm forgotten.

Who are you? Sally said losing her patience

Its Conor remember me now sweet cheeks

Sally: "No, you think I'd let just some trechcoated WEPUNZ EXSPERT steal the spotlight from Sonic?"

Quote :
Amy, Blaze, Rouge what are you doing with him Sally shouted

Doing what he asks for what we want in return Amy said looking at Conor

Which is completely ass backwards compared to the original contract.

Quote :
See we all walk away happy now where's Sonic? Conor asked

I won't tell you Sally shouted

Conor grabbed her and pulled her close to him he ran a robotic finger along her arm cutting into her flesh she shouted but Conor didn't care

Where is he?

Fuck you Sally kneed him in the balls and shoved him back

Conor moved back in pain he quickly shook it off

Oh a bit of fight in you I like that he grabbed her and put one of his magnums to her head. He shouted out tell me where Sonic is or she gets it

No one responded Sally looked at Shadow he went to step forward but she shook her head

Why does this take forever ok plan b Conor pulled out his phone and called Eggman

Move in Conor shouted

Finally Eggman said witha roar of happiness.

He closed the phone and he grabbed Sally and moved towards king Maximillion and Queen Alicia.

You may all want to leave or you could all die and I'll be taking that throne if you don't mind Conor said luaghing

Why didn't he just do this in chapter 1, before ever meeting Blaze and Amy? Oh, right, the story needed fap fodder.

Quote :
All of a sudden Swat bots broke down the doors and entered everyone began to panic and ran for the exits Conor grabbed the King and Queen and threw them out of their thrones he picked up Sally and sat down Fiona sat in the opposite throne, Sally began to struggle but Conor slapped her across the face and she put her head in her hands and began sob

Read that really slowly and you might find a somewhat coherent scene.

Edit: I've been holding off on this until now but this is Conor:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :
So Fiona we rule all of Mobius Conor said smiling at her and we even have the princess later I'll get the information I need as for now call Tails tell him to come to Castle Acorn. Conor again pulled out his phone and called Eggman

Come in we've done it Conor said calmly

HO HO HO Excellent

Eggman strode into the room and saw Conor and Fiona sitting in the thrones Sally at Conors feet crying

And now my reward asked Eggman

Of course my friend without your help we couldn't have done it but first shall we have a drink because I'm expecting company

Conor, Fiona, Eggman and the Girls all took a glass of champagne and drank they all laughed as they looked around after an hour Tails enter being held by two swat bots they forced him onto his knees

You shall bow before Lord Eggman and the King and Queen the swat bot said

Tails hmm Sonic must be nearby then Eggman said alarmed

No Tails here works for me if I say kill anyone he'll do it ain't that right Conor sat back into his chair

Sure thing boss and Tails gave a bow

HO HO HO brilliant you capture the princess and turn Sonics best friend against him is there anything you can't do Eggman said luaghing

Conor smiled I can't share

Eggman quickly looked at him then he saw Tails pull out a gun and fire he shot Eggman in the chest Eggman fell back onto the table gasping he got up and began to slowly move forw

Yeah

But more importantly:

Quote :
Yes I used a few of the joker lines from batman dark knight but I thought they really suited him

Please review I want to see what you think of it

The Joker's lines don't fit in the sonicverse at all, fuckwad.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Fri Sep 03, 2010 6:00 am

God this makes no SENSE.

Conor locks Tails up and makes him help. Tails is small but he's brave. He would never help Conor hurt Sonic.

And he wouldn't help Conor nab the throne either.

So, basically, Conor gets his bitches, takes the throne - which Sally would canonically rather DIE than allow - kills the girls, gets Tails to be his personal hitman just by threatening Cream (it sounds like a good pairing but canonically they aren't a pair because she's SIX), and is STILL immortal and invincible.

Oh, and Amy and Blaze are fine with all of this as long as they get Sonic.

This is the most unsatisfying story I have EVER read.
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   Wed Jul 11, 2012 11:54 pm

Ok, I'm finally going to finish this damn thing.

So Shadow runs back home, and after nearly catching Sonic watching porn, asks him about Conor.

Quote :
Wait I remember now but he died 9 years ago Sonic said.

Looks like death doesn't agree with him anyway get clothes and let's leave Shadow said looking out the window.

Since nearly all of Sonic's friends have betrayed him (because Conor is too awesome), they decide to go hide at Angel Island (the other option was Mario and Luigi's restaurant, not sure why.)

Quote :
Got a chaos emerald? Sonic asked.

Sure do Shadow grinned.

OK lets do it Sonic said nodding.

SONIC AND SHADOW: CHOAS CONTROL!

And they teleport from narration to a script format. Then the chapter cuts to Knothole Castle the following day:

Quote :
Swat bots were bringing in guards they were put on their knees Tails stood before them in clothes almost matching Miles(Evil Tails).

You have a choice fight with Conor or die Tails said.

Conor and Fiona entered the ballroom.

Conor grabbed Fiona and they danced down the steps to the line they were both smiling.

Good morning ain't it baby? Recruitment is high and the death toll is even higher oh and guess what I found Conor pulled out a sword from a sheath on his waist.

The Sword of Acorns Conor said luaghing.

Its beautiful Fiona siad.

Conor put it back and they danced around the ball room to the many shrieks and cries of prisioners being put to death.
I find this "another day in the office" attitude more disturbing than anything that happened when the fic went off the rails. It's also king of hard to snark this part of the fic without repeating myself. You know what, fuck it, Sally is being interrogated off screen, she won't give up whatever information Conor wants her to give up, so he tells Tails to rape her. Then he kills a royal guard for refusing to join him.


Quote :
Please don't I have a family the Guard said weakly.

Oh well in that case you swat bot kill his family after I kill him Conor said luaghing.

Conor using full force smashed his arm through the Guards skull making his head explode blood ran down Conors face.

Does this remind anyone else of those crappy plays Cho Seung Hui wrote before he shot up Virginia Tech? Oh, and then Fiona licks a drop of blood from Conor's cheek. You know, in case anyone skipped all the other times the couple aped Paul Berardo and Karla Homolka.

[/quote]So did he taste good or bad? Conor asked smiling.

Find out Fiona said pulling him in for a kiss.

They kissed for just a minute when Tails came in he got down on one knee.

The men are in the room thought you would enjoy dropping in Sally Tails smiled.

Nah Fiona you'll do it Conor said.

Oh course my love Fiona said licking her lips.

Conor and Fiona followed Tails to a big room with a massive bed big enough for 20 people Tails opened a door and dragged a naked Sally out into the hallway.

Conor walked around her inspecting her.

What a pretty body you have nice figure, breast just right a tight ass I bet and I'm guessing a virgin?

They won't do it Sally screamed.[quote]

They agree to of course, because everyone likes Conor. And because he promised to spare their families.
We then cut to a completely uninteresting scene on Angel Island where Sonic gives a speech to a group of rebels he has assembled. He announces that they will attack the castle that night. Meanwhile, Conor is gloating about how he doesn't have to go looking for Sonic, since Sonic will want to rescue Sally, before pointlessly adding, "but then again if he takes to long i'll go after him myself." The chapter ends with Tails reporting that sally is in Conor's room, and Conor responding that he'll let the guards have their turn after he's finished.

Chapter 12:
RAPE

Well, at least until Sally conveniently decides she likes it. Then when it's the guards turn they all refuse (the last chapter was kind of vague about it, I guess) . So Sally reports them to Conor herself and Conor decides to kill the guard's families the next day. The chapter ends with an author's note:
Quote :
Ok I had many ways to do this A. Sally doesn't give in and the men to fuck her B. Was this one and C. Tails Fucks her until she tells I went with b because it seemed more fun and showed that Tails was evil and not just a puppet on strings.

P.S. Brad159357 I hoped you liked that.
Who's Brad159357? Well, searching for him on the pit didn't turn up anything, but putting Brad159357 brad into google led me to this: newgrounds account.
He favorited a pron game about Crystal from Starfox. And that's the only game he faved.

Chapter 13:
Quote :
Ok You should start to play the song love today by mika to this chapter because they start dancing to it so start it now and you may want to read slowly.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Conor and his harem celebrate the morning before they conquer Mobius. Conor kills one of his guards for not being festive enough. Chapter ends.

Chapter 14:
Conor still hasn't done anything yet (He wants to attack knothole apparetnly, but he's going to give them eggman's head in a box for some reason). His accomplices have changed their clothes just to look more evil.
Quote :
Tails entered wearing a costume similar to miles only it was blue and the spikes were a dark black, Amy entered wearing a Black skirt and Blood red shirt, Blaze wore her usually clothes only it was red and purple Rouge was wearing her normal suit with her heart shaped bra.

Sally followed and sat down at the bottom of the thrones she wore black boots, blue shades with her normal jacket only black on the outside red on the inside.
Everyone got all that? Good. Once again, Conor is making Blaze and Amy do his job for him. This time he wants them to steal the chaos emeralds and kidnap Sonic, while Rouge steals the master emerald.

Amy and Blaze meet Silver at Angel island, and even though he's a psychic they manage to convince him that Sonic sent them to check on the emeralds . Oh, wait, its because Blaze has made him "Lovestruck" somehow. So Silver leads them to the emeralds, Blaze and Amy knock him out, and they teleport back to the castle. Meanwhile, Rouge tries to seduce knuckles (I'm pretty sure there's a million other ways she could steal something), he sees through it, and she knocks him out.

Meanwhile in Knothole:
Quote :
What do you want?asked Sonic

Message from his majesty Conor said the messenger

He dropped a big box and left

Sonic moved forward but Shadow stopped him

Careful it could be a trap said Shadow

If I know Conor he wants to kill me personally said Sonic

Sonic moved towards the box there was a note on the side.

Dear Sonic,

How are you good I hope I thought I would give you a gift showing I'm not all bad I removed a thorn from you side and here's a heads up we're just over the hill see ya in a bit

Love your bestist friend in the whole wide world

Conor

Thorn in my side what's that mean? Wait... he wouldn't said Sonic

He did. Just like all the other people he killed and raped, Sonic. Why are you so shocked that he killed Eggman?
"Well, I always though he was kinda..."
Upset Ok, forget I asked.
Oh, and Conor has attached a note that reads "hard boiled." Hee-larious.
As promised, Conor and friends are attack Knothole at that very moment, Conor fights off Knuckles, Silver, and Shadow (with his "CHOAS SPEAR") Conor of course gets yet another opportunity to remind the readers that he can't die, and he even catches one of Shadow's chaos spear projectiles and throws it back at him. Then Conor finally confronts Sonic, but he lets Tails do the honors so he can make out with Fiona for a while.

Quote :
Tails, Sally it's me Sonic remember?

We know who you are.

Just ain't working with ya.

What did he do brainwash you?

HAHAHAH no my dear delusional hedgehog he showed me power! said Tails

He showed me pleasure! said Sally

So you follow him and tend to his every whim said Sonic.

He's the boss and hasn't let us down said Tails.

Besides he's so cute said Sally.

Stop it both of you! said Sonic

Hey can we speed this up em how to put this gently... FIONA WANTS SEX MOVE IT !

But Sonic won't fight Tails and Sally, so Conor beats the crap out of him, one-shots Bunnie when she tries to save Sonic, and drags the blue blur back to his castle.

Chapter 15:
Sonic is captive, cover him with whipped cream while Conor watches. Why does he always have to stand there smirking?
Quote :
Conor grabbed the can of whipped cream and sprayed it over Sonics cock and put a cherry on top.

Bon App├ętit! Conor said. He left without saying another word

The girls looked at each other.

Amy and Blaze: Desert!

Chapter 16:

The girls are arguing about who gets the first turn with Sonic (who is still chained up.) Amy says she should go first because apparently she's still a virgin (even though Conor buttfucked her before breaking his contract). Sonic tries to sweet talk Amy into letting him go, so Blaze tells Amy she can rape him first. Then Blaze sits on Sonic's face and tells him to "lick or get burned." Sonic yells at her to climb off, and she refuses, saying she she's going to force him to get her pregnant. Then:
Quote :
They fucking raped me. Sonic screamed at him.

Rape is such a strong word I prefer sex against your will. Conor said with grin

Amy ran over to Conor and grabbed him into a bear hug.

Ah my back Amy let go your crushing my spine and spines Conor shouted.

I might be pregnant! Amy said finally letting go.

Well then Sonic congratulations daddy o Conor said laughing.
I really hate this stu.

Next time: The remaining knothole residents plan to rescue Sonic, and Conor has an actual weakness (Hint: he can't harness the power of the chaos emeralds but who give a shit when he can't die?)
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PostSubject: Re: LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY   

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LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY
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