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mluckw

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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Mon Jun 21, 2010 7:55 am

Quote :
"We meet again son of X'ondir!" Stone said.

X'ondir sounds like a god's name. If this guy is the son of a god, I'm calling Thor to come kick his ass.
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Rabid Badger
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Mon Jun 21, 2010 7:08 pm

Can we be absolutely sure the author of this isn't a 12-year-old boy who desperately wants to be a member of the X-Men, but has no idea how NOT to write a Gary Stu?
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Wed Sep 01, 2010 6:33 am

Apologies for the lack of updates and contributions, people, I’ve been busy working my as off and moving home. But I’m back now, and Im stuck doing nothing for about 3 weeks, so expect a rush of stuff from me, this and my Let’s Play of Clash of the Princes will get going again.

Quote :
BAM!

Xtreme was hit with a whirlwind of fire as he was engulfed in the flames but he then spun around fast and blew the flames out instantly.

BAM! A threat appears and is overcome in one sentence. Excellent technique, Author, that way all that pesky drama, risk and excitement is easily skipped over.
Saves time.

Quote :
As then the roof of the place collapsed and landed straight on top of him as he fell to the ground and left in a pile of rubble but he just burst out of it and flew up again.

See! Just like that! Simple!

Quote :
But all of a sudden something hit him straight in the eyes as his vision was blurred and was now covered with some sticky gooey green substance as he tried to get it off but it got stickier and tighter.

He then got trapped in a whirlwind which threw him off balance as he did try to fly out of it but something then happened as it felt like his flight was gone as then the ground opened up by Stone as he closed it up, he was trapped in there.



Quote :
something then happened as it felt like his flight was gone as then the ground opened up by Stone as he closed it up, he was trapped in there.

Yeah… that’s what I thought you said.

Quote :
He looked up and saw Stone and some other what he could only describe as meta humans.

Rolling Eyes

Along with Stone, Xtreeme has been captured by a green skinned person, a woman in red, someone in ‘hotrod colours’, someone in a blue and silver outfit and someone in armour.

A throwaway sentence later informs us that this is the Brotherhood, meaning we are probably facing Toad, Wanda and Quicksilver. As for the fellow in the armour and the hotrod colours, I have no idea.

[edit: It’s Avalanche and Pyro.]

Looking back, it looks like the mighty Xtreeme was, infact, brought down by Toad. What with the green goo to the face. (Which I’m pretty sure is a movieverse only power, I don’t remember him using it at any other time). I’m not sure wther to take this as a complement to Toad, or a laughing point to Xtreeme.

Help is on the way, though…

Quote :
The team consisted of Cyclops, Wolverine, Marvel Girl, Iceman and Shadowcat.

Quote :
The X Jet arrived at their destination as they landed the jet discreetly in a nearby area as they were all in their X gear and cautiously approached the location.

I will never, ever get over this writing style.

Stone is blasting Xtreeme with his magic crystal gun.

Quote :
"I've waited for this day…" he then cranked up the amount of power to the gun and pointed it at him "Now die!" Stone shouted as he went to pull the trigger.

Just then the door was blasted open and in came the X-Men and The Brotherhood could not be happier but Stone was now infuriated his moment of triumph was interrupted by these mutant do-gooders.

You know all that banter and awesome battlecries you get in comics? Well:

Quote :
we want revenge!" Quicksilver said.

"Magneto killed Jean…he killed my wife!" Cyclops shouted in anger and hatred.

"Is this true Pietro?" Scarlet Witch asked.

"Yes he did but for a good cause and…

"I want no part of this evil deed." Scarlet Witch said.

"Wait Wanda!" Pietro shouted as his sister left.

Never before has a more epic clash of wits been witnessed!

“We want to kill you because you killed my dad”

“Oh, yeah! Well, your dad killed my girlfriend!”

“He did? Oh, my bad, sorry. Also, killing people is evil, and I don’t want to do it anyway.”

“’k”

Quote :
They all saw Xtreme stuck in the ground helpless, beaten and a gun pointed at his head for the final blow, they had arrived in time to save him.

With Wolvie and Cyclops tied up with Wanda and Quicksilver, how are the rest of the X-men going to react to this situation?

Quote :
"Hey Xtreme!" Iceman waved to him.

:headwall:

C’mon, Xtreeme, shout them back into shape!

Quote :
"Hi, I would wave but my arms are stuck." Xtreme said.

:headwall:

Quote :
They went forward but Stone pointed the gun at Xtreme again.

He was already pointing the gun at Xtreeme

Quote :
"Uh…Uh come one step closer and I'll kill him!" Stone threatened as he pointed the gun at Xtreme.

That’s three times you’ve pointed the gun at the same thing it was already pointing at…

Marvel girl telekinetically pulls the gun from Stone’s hand, which is cool… It’s cheap, but cool. Stone joins with the brotherhood, and:

Quote :
"Very well, then let us do battle!" Stone said as then something emerged from the ground.

The ground began to shake as then emerged some gravel creatures as they then all went after the X-Men.

And, finally, the X-Men get to do something:

Quote :
One came at Wolverine as he just sliced one in half and Cyclops just blasted one into dust as he directed the next optic blast at Quicksilver who just
zoomed out of the way in seconds.

As then more gravel creatures emerged and were coming at the X-Men in bunched but were being sliced, blasted, frozen and thrown around as the X-Men were now winning against Stone and his minions.

I like the quick blast at Quicksilver. Didn’t do anything, but, hell, if the guy is standing around and you’ve got a free moment, go ahead and punch/kick/blast/stab the guy. I would.

Also, Avalanche, Pyro and Toad seem to have slipped off into the corner to play some X-Box or something, presumably.

Stone decides to join the fight.

Quote :
As the remains of his minions began to call back to him and he just absorbed them all and began to form a huge stone orb as it then glowed and it changed into something gigantic and then the glow stopped as he was now a fifty foot stone monster.

"Holy sh..shnikies!" Iceman said in shock seeing the monster.

Shnikies… That’s exactly what I would have thought Bobby Drake would have said at this point… Shnikies…

Quote :
"Now you will suffer a fate worse than death!" Stone said in a monstrous voice as he went to squash the mutant team.

Oh no! What can Stone have in mind for them! What fate worse than death can Stone inflict upon the X-Men?

Quote :
His large palm came upon them as they had no escape from it…

It was then stopped by a black blur as they saw it was Xtreme and he was now free from Stone's trap as he once again saved the X-Men from destruction.

NOOOO! More of Xtreeme!

Quote :
"How did you escape?" Stone said.

"I had help from a friend." Xtreme said looking towards the X-Men.

As then out from the ground phased behind them was Shadowcat as it became obvious how he got out.
More fighting:

Quote :
Both mutant team were now locked in battle as Cyclops tried to take out his anger out on the son of his wife's murderer as he aggressively blasted at him but was too fast for him as he dodged every shot.

"Too slow X-Man!" Quicksilver taunted as he just came from behind and stunned him instantaneously.

As then in leaped Wolverine claws and all as now the killer of his father was right in front of him as he sped full force at him shoulder blocking him back into a wall as he continued the assault with somewhat of speedy punches which began to wind the metal boned mutant as then he just used one more shot to send him
flying through a wall and dazing him.

Rolling Eyes

Quote :
As Iceman and Pyro were both battling with fire against ice but everyone knows fire always wins as Iceman was almost Meltman as Pyro kept up the flaming attacks on the sub zero hero.

Really?

Quote :
"Any last words…mate?" Pyro taunted as he readied his flame gauntlets at him.

"How bout yoink!" Iceman said.

Yoink… Yet another gem from Bobby Drake.

Quote :
As then out from the floor Shadowcat appeared and grabbed Pyro's backpack and had phased her hands through it as she just disabled his only source of his powers.

I’m sure if Pyro’s been working his stuff for a while, there must be something else on fire in the room.

He tried to use them but they weren't working as he began to feel a bit nervous as he was now literally screwed.

"Uh…now mate listen I didn't mean that whole last words thing!" Pyro tried to apologise.

Quote :
Iceman looked at him and smiled as he just put out the flames of Pyro by encasing his body in ice, right up to his neck.

IF FLAMES NEEDED TO BE PUT OUT THEN PYRO STILL HAS ACCESS TO HIS POWERS!! Iguess this suthour has no idea how Pyro’s powers work.

Quote :
"Guys! Logan needs help!" Marvel Girl said

[…]

Wolverine was for the first time being thrashed about by Quicksilver who wanted to avenge the death of his father by Wolverine after Magneto murdered Jean Grey.

Huh? Ah, whatever…

Eventually Wolvie get’s the upper hand and is about to do what he does best.

Quote :
"Logan…no he's not worth it!" Cyclops pleaded with him.

He looked to the young man and just unsceathed his claws back into his hand and let him go as he ran off.

I don’t think it is supposed to be Wolvie who is running off… But I like the image.

Meanwhile, Xtreeme is taking on Stone.

Heroics ensue until:

Quote :
"Do you have any sort of plan?" Cyclops asked.

"Yeah I do as it so happens, uh you the guy who can freeze stuff." Xtreme said pointing to Iceman.

Rolling Eyes

Quote :
"Wha me?" Iceman said.

Stone began to go at full power and was now readying an attack as he had formed a giant machine rock gun and fired on them all as each of them dodged
shots.

"Okay remember the plan?" Xtreme said to Iceman.

What plan?

Quote :
"Yeah no problem, I'm just afraid of getting squashed." Iceman said.

Wait! Seriously, Author, What plan? Xtreeme has never had a discussion with Iceman before, let alone prepared tactics. I’m assuming this means that Xtreeme
has done an off-screen whisper and we’re working on the unspoken plan guarantee, but that means that no sooner has Xtreeme told Iceman the plan, than he’s
asking if Bobby remembers it!

Anyway, Xtreeme’s ‘plan’ is to just knock the guy over and then have Iceman freeze the jesus out of him. So, that happens, and then…

Quote :
And now time to go back to the big house." Xtreme said as he pulled a device out from his pocket as he pushed the button on it.

A portal opened up and the X-Men were all keeping their attention on the portal in front of them.

"What is that?" Cyclops asked.

"A wormhole, it's my way of travelling to distant galaxies, I' m just gonna take this guy back so give me a few minutes ok." Xtreme said as he took

Stonethrough and they travelled in seconds to the Federation prison.

Xtreeme takes Stone to space-jail, and comes back, before getting formally introduced to the X-men.

Quote :
"Well I guess I'll be…

"Wait! I was wondering if I could ask a small favour." Marvel Girl asked.

"Sure ask away." Xtreme said.

"Well the kids back at the school are talking about you and after what happened the other day when you saved them, I was hoping you could…come by
sometime?" Marvel Girl asked with the look in her eyes.

Xtreme/Connor looked into the eyes of the telepath and seeing those emrald eyes again he just couldn't say no.

Trioculus wrote:
Is it just me or is Gary Stu flirting with Rachel? Dangerous territory there, pal.

1. She's a telepath
2. Her Dad helps run the school.
3. Her brother has one of the biggest gun collections in the Marvel Universe.

Meanwhile, evil forces are plotting:

Quote :
"Stone has failed…yes I know he wouldn't succeed against him but he had help by some mutant team known as the X-Men."
The figure who was shrouded in darkness was talking with someone.

"Who will be next to try and end the son of X'ondir?"

"Him? Are you serious? You know he cannot be trusted let alone go near us!"

"Yes his insanity is an effective weapon but…very well I will observe if he is successful or not."

"Yes he won't know what hit him."

Oh hell… Using a character’s insanity as a tool was the reason the Deadpool Corps were put together. I hope we’re not going down there!

Cheers!

More soon!

EDIT:

Forgot this bit:

Quote :
Stone began to go at full power and was now readying an attack as he had formed a giant machine rock gun and fired on them all as each of them dodged shots.

Quote :
giant machine rock gun

Quote :
giant machine rock gun


Yeah
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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:13 am

WD40 wrote:
Looking back, it looks like the mighty Xtreeme was, infact, brought down by Toad. What with the green goo to the face. (Which I’m pretty sure is a movieverse only power, I don’t remember him using it at any other time). I’m not sure wther to take this as a complement to Toad, or a laughing point to Xtreeme.

DID SOMEBODY HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT TOAD?

Actually, the goo-spitting thing is a Toad power in movie-verse, evo-verse, Wolvie-verse, and ultimate-verse. I believe in his very brief appearance in the original cartoon he created (mind-control)goo from his hands, and he may have had sticky goo from the hands in 616-verse as well. But then, in 616 he has had about 3 dozen powers; super breath, psionic amphibian control, mechanical genius, mind-control pheromones... spitting sticky goo may well have been one of them, but not one I remember.

Actually what I find funny is how in 616 his hands secrete sticky resin for his wall-crawling, but in Wolvie-verse he is actually shown licking his hands to wall-crawl. Eeewwww...

Just remember that he has never had acid spitting powers. Because fanfic writers seem to think he has.
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Dixie
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:18 am

From the author's profile:
Quote :
I am from the UK I do these to pass time.
Oh gods, the shame... I share a country with this guy.

Quote :
I have a part-time job.
What do you want, a round of applause?

Quote :
Currently training to join the RAF.
Eek! THIS is the standard of people our Armed Forces are taking these days?
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Trioculus
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Wed Sep 01, 2010 3:48 pm

The continuity is making my head throb. I guess it would have to be after "Planet X" but before "House of M", since Wanda disappeared after that and hasn't been seen since, I think--her father and the Avengers trying to find her is the big point of the Children's Crusade mini-series.

And while Cyclops has definitely become a real dick since Jean died, I can never imagine him taking it out on Pietro just because he's Magneto's son. And why would the Maximoff twins be hanging around the Brotherhood at that point in time, anyway? Wanda, at the very least, was an Avenger in that time frame.

...

Gah, dammit, there I am thinking about this piece of crap. I better go lie down.
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Happenstance
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:15 pm

Scott will fuck this shit up.

What? He will.
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bleachedblackcat
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:20 pm

Hahahahaha, this is what I get for being gone for a while. Fanfics that make my head explode.

Great sporking though.
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Mon Sep 06, 2010 7:37 am

Quote :
"Remember the worst is yet to come!"

Of this I have no doubt…

Welcome back to the adventures of Xtreeme! Which we rejoin as Connor is leading his IT Class:

Quote :
"So when you write up any simple text like so you can achieve yourselves your very own flash text." Connor said as his class of seniors were taking notes on his every word.

"Now we'll move on to creating hyperlinks, but also keep in mind when making one make sure it's not some stupid name like ..com" Connor joked as some of the class found it funny.

I doubt it.

Anyway, Xtreeme has to make an appearance as a guest lecturer today, so…

Quote :
"You ready to do this?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah just tell Professor S and F where I went, so if you'll excuse I'm gonna slip into something more comfortable." Connor said as he went off at super speed.
Bobby went to tend to Connor's class. "Uh sorry guys it seems Mr. Masters had to attend an emergency…so dismissed!" Bobby said as all of the class did so.

[…]

"He what?" Scott said.

He pulled a Clark Kent, Scott. Come on, you’re not this dim!

Quote :
Xtreme took front stage as some clapping and cheering for the hero as he felt appreciated like never before.

"Thank you, I came here today because of a request from a special friend of mine." Xtreme said as he glanced over to Rachel who was blushing in the far back.

"So since I'm here any questions?" Xtreme asked.

Students put their hands up in numbers as he picked one who looked ike a bird.

"Yeah you bird boy." Xtreme said acknowledging him.

“And after you I’ll take a question from Fatso there, then the glowing chick and the really ugly mothafucker in the back.
Wow! You mutants sure are freaky!”

So, while Cyclops and the lot try and hold back Beast, Nightcrawler and god knows how many other mutants who would be deeply offended by Xtreeme’s casual
insult to Beak, the conversation turns to The Man in Black’s past…

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

No, not him…

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Or him…

Xtreeme, alright, the man in Black is supposed to be Xtreeme.

Quote :
"My father came from a planet called Zargon,

Where the Space Olympics are held… [/Lonely Island]

Quote :
there lied a civlisation that existed before humanity, they were known as Zargonians, once a proud and noble race of warriors but a war between two
faction split the planet apart, my grandparents escaped but the planet was destroyed, they were the last Zargonians." Xtreme explained.

There was just absolute silence as he continued on.

"Years later they were killed by a renegade Zargonian, but my father escaped and was travelling the galaxy using his abilities for good and fighting evil, my
father was a hero." Xtreme said.

Student: “But if your Grandparents were the only remaining Zargonians, then who was the renegade?”

Xtreeme:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :
"But he accidentally crashlanded on Earth and was stranded, he met some interesting characters, made friends and even met my mother." Xtreme said.

They all said "AWWW"

As in: “AWWWWWW fuck.”

Quote :
He went on as he took more questions as he started showing his powers off and they were just astounded by the amount of powers he had.

In a world of aliens, gods and monsters, the one thing that will impress a room of people whose lives are made living hell by their powers and the separation
from the rest of humanity that they represent, is someone showing off his own powers, that, for some reason, society is more accepting of.

Anyway, while this is going on, Rachel is having evil stepmom issues:

Quote :
She [Rachel] saw what was on her [Emma’s] mind and the image was her and her father kissing and it was only a couple of hours ago and it made her
feel sick he would do this to disgrace her mother's memory as then she just left before anyone could see her cry.

After his talk, Xtreeme, still in costume, anders around the Mansion gardens and comes across Rachel crying her eyes out.

Quote :
something's bothering you, I can tell?" Xtreme asked her.

If only Scott and the other X-men possessed such levels of perception… They might be able to spot the Marty-Stu that has invaded their lives.

Xtreeme’s Idiot Aura infects Rachel as she tries to explain why she is so upset:

Quote :
"Ok what about your dad who just lost your mom and is now already jumping on the next bimbo who's a complete slut and has never even heard of a
bra!" Rachel spat as he guessed why she was angry.

Xtreeme can relate, however.

Quote :
"I don't blame you I would be mad as hell, heck I went to such lengths to stop my mom from dating again, like this one time I planted stuff around my
house and when he saw the conveniently opened medicine cabinet which had poking out a box of Yeastaway." Xtreme said.

"You actually went that far?" she asked.

"Yeah it did work but my mom was really sad and felt like she could never love again

Xtreeme! Our Hero! Breaking the heart of his own mother with a shitty practical joke!

Quote :
Just then the dark hero's ultra sensitive hearing picked up something on the police scanners and it sounded big.

"Go get em…hero." [Rachel] said.

Rolling Eyes

Quote :
He arrived at where the supposed disturbance was as it was at some office supply store, who in the hell would want to hold up a store that sells office
supply?

Says the cosmic-level superhero who, only the other week, was foiling a hold-up at fucking Safeway.

Quote :
Landing down by the sidewalk he looked to see people running out of there and the police were already on crowd control as he went up to who he
assumed was in charge of the cops.

"Oh thank god you arrived!"

"Really? I'm actually needed?" Xtreme joked.

“Actually, no. But you can go fetch the X-men.”

The villain’s name is BoneYard. And he has planted several bombs throughout the city. It’s what he does, and he’s done it before, as Xtreeme remembers:

Quote :
Connor remembered the last time they fought as it ended with several casualties after a bomb went off in a hospital and his ex-girlfriend being shot after he kidnapped her but she survived as it made him realise he had to leave her for her own sake, it broke his heart to do that to her, even though she got married last year he was glad she moved on.

Got that?


Will Xtreeme disarm all the bombs in time? Will anyone give a shit? Tune in next time!
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Trioculus
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Mon Sep 06, 2010 9:14 am

I admit, I totally sympathize with Rachel for hating Emma Frost. I hate Emma Frost too. But of course here it was just used to allow XTreeeeeme to look more sympathetic and worm closer to getting into her tights.

Quote :
The villain’s name is BoneYard.

Lol...I wonder if he's thinking of any of the two canon Boneyards, or he made it up himself thinking it's a new, original, cool name just like XTreeeeeme.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] (Actual though obscure Marvel character)

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] (Malibu Ultraverse character Marvel now owns)
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Thu Sep 09, 2010 3:41 am

Do you honestly think that anyone is in any danger in this story? Is there any chance that Xtreeme will not diffuse the bombs and save the day?

Course not. At no point has there been a single situation involving Xtreeme in which anyone has had to face the chance of failure or harm.

Quote :
Looking down he found where the first bomb was as he followed the trail to Central Park and looked around to find it located on the statue of a war
memorial as he saw the device on the back of it and quickly disarmed it using his experience from disarming the madman's bombs.

See? Xtreeme has no problem finding the bombs, because he automatically has devices (Fitted in his mask) that can trace the location of the bombs, and he
automatically has the knowledge to disarm them.

He also has the ability to get to the bombs using his super-speed and:

Quote :
Taking out the liquid explosive carteridge he had rendered the device useless threw it into space and just moved on to the next one.

Even if he couldn’t disarm the things, he can still THROW THEM INTO SPACE!!!

The only problem Xtreeme has is his crippling stupidity and immaturity.

Quote :
[Xtreeme] then got where the bomb was located as he saw the sign on the door as he read it…Women's bathroom.

Oh…now that's just…evil and perverted.

SEE! Forget the stress of finding the bombs in time, disarming them or disposing of them, the biggest challenge he has to face is mustering up the courage to
enter the little girl’s room.

Quote :
As he opened the door ever so slightly as he called in just to be sure. "Hellooo, anyone in? I need ya out now…hero business!" Xtreme said as then some
women left giving him some dirty looks on the way out as he proceeded to the bomb.

Well, I haven’t commented on this author’s fascinating writing style in a while. Ime for another example. A crate has been delivered to the Mansion.

Quote :
Bobby just opened the door to find a huge crate had been delivered and was trying to push it in as he then just iced the floor and slid it in but needed to
put it somewhere as he decided to place it in the huge study room until he could fine something to open it with.

How? Just how can you even learn to write like this? How can you read it back to yourself and be under the impression that this is how the English language is
supposed to be used?

Oh, and great use of dramatic timing there, author. Having a suspicious parcel delivered to the mansion after we have been made aware of the Mad
Midnight Bomber’s plot, and after we have been made aware that Xtreeme need put any effort into finding, disarming and disposing of the bombs. I feel this
situation will provide us with exactly no surprises, and even less drama.

Quote :
The next bomb was leading him to yet another location

Rolling Eyes

Bomb: “Follow me, Xtreeme!”



Back at the mansion:

Quote :
As he growled under his breath Logan unseathed his claws and went towards it but hew stopped as his scent caught something and he carefully opened
the crate as they looked inside and saw a huge device linked to some chemicals and a timer which was counting down.

Subtle… Way to hide a bomb, BoneYard… Put it in a box. Nothing more than that needed, just put it in a box.

Well, there’s no drama here. A bomb has been discovered in the mansion. So? Iceman can freeze it, Nightcrawler can teleport it, Wolvie, I believe, has
explosives training, and can probably disarm it. A bomb in the X-Men mansion is only a threat when it hasn’t been discovered… Right?

Quote :
"Bobby…get everyone out now!" Logan shouted as he went to do that.

Of course… Xtreme is involved, so all the X-Men have become idiots.

Quote :
Logan gathered the other teachers together to inform them of the situation.

"Okay everyone the real reason for the evacuation is…we have a bomb in the mansion." Logan said.

All the teachers had looks of shock, horror, despair and fear on their faces as once again they were under attack and had no idea why.

*Headwall*

Yes, the X-men have no idea why anyone would want to bomb a school full of mutants. Oh, and they are all shocked and terrified by the bomb itself, not one of
them has an idea on how to handle the situation.



Bollocks.


Quote :
"Did you call the bomb squad?" Kitty said hoping he did.

"No answer they said they were busy." Logan growled under his breath.

This amount of stupid actually HURTS!

Quote :
"What do we do about the kids?" Rachel asked.

"Keep them in the dark, no need to panic them further, get them away from here and say it's a…small fire and it's being delt with." Scott explained the
plan.

Yes, keep everyone in the dark over the seriousness of the situation. That can’t go wrong can it?

Quote :
I also want the room the bomb is in to be locked down so initiate it." Scott ordered.

WHY KEEP IT IN THE MANSION? Nightcrawler is right with you! If you honestly can’t disarm it, get him to teleport it into the middle of the ocean or something!



In the meantime, Xtreeme has finished dealing with the bombs in the city and is tracking down Bonyard himself:

Quote :
"Okay BoneYard I'm here, show yourself!" Xtreme said.

He awaited for him to make an appearance but then he looked to the locator and saw where it was directing him towards as he walked to the centre of the room
and saw a table and saw resting on it was a box with it a note next to it as he picked it up, it said…

To the son of X'ondir…

SURPRISE!

He snapped his head behind him and saw nothing, then above nothing and all around him…nothing?

With that all he looked at the box and saw it was unloked as he picked it up and examined it, it was a silver box as he then decided to just open it as it didn't
seemed to pose much of a threat.

Opening it he found on the inside some device as it was flashing and all of a sudden the thing just blasted him with a face full of gas!

So, Xtreeme is an idiot too…



POP QUIZ!

Xtreeme has been gassed. Will this lead to:

1, Him being captured forcing a dramatic escape to the mansion to save the Idiot X-Men from their own ineptitude?

2, Him suffering amnesia and thus starting a new story arc in which Xtreeme must rediscover his powers and identity?

3, The gas somehow nullifying Xtreeme’s powers, causing him to rise to BoneYard’s challenge using his own ingenuity and tha aid of the X-Men?

4, Nothing at all. He wakes up a few moments later, answers his phone and heads off to the X-Mansion to save the rest of the X-Men.


Back to the mansion:

Quote :
"Logan! This thing is still counting but it's slowed down a little, can you disarm this thing?" Bobby asked in a panicked state while keeping the bomb on ice.

"I'm trying to but this wiring is all connected to the clock and most of it is all tech." Logan explained trying to understand the mechanics of the bomb.

"Connor!" Bobby said.

"What?" Logan answered.

"He might know how to disarm this thing!" Bobby said.

"Call him, get him here now!" Logan said as Bobby went to do so pulling his cell out.

“Yes! Quick call this story’s Marty-Stu! Only he can save us!”

Author, seriously, you are made of stupid!

Now to the answer of the quiz:

Quote :
"Uhhhh" Connor said as he coughed after the gas attack.

He got himself up to his feet and looked around and checked that he was fine as it seemed the gas didn't do anything to him.

As he coughed a little more his cell from within his mask went off as he answered it.

"Hello?" Connor said.

Of course.

Well, credit where credit’s due… The gas does seem to have ghas an effect… Suddenly some of Xtreeme’s powers begin to fail; nothing serious enough to
impede his progress to the Mansion though.

Quote :
As then Logan came out and grabbed Connor and took him to one side. " We need your help on the bomb." Logan said.

"I thought you were the expert?" Connor asked.

So did we.

Quote :
"Okay I'm going to need wire some clippers." Connor asked as he rolled his sleeves up.

You haven’t needed them yet. Why now?

Quote :
if I try to disarm this thing and trip the wrong wire this thing goes critical and those chems will mix making the combustable formula…enough to level the
place." Connor explained wiping some sweat away from his forehead.

Again, I have to ask:

1, Why doesn’t Nightcrawler teleport it somewhere safe?

2, Why can’t Marvel Girl use her psychic powers to keep the chemicals separate?

3, Why can’t Xtreeme just do as before and huck the thing into orbit?

Why is this bomb a problem, when all the others were barely a hindrance?

Quote :
This is all my fault, he came after me and he's doing this just to get to me." Connor said in frustration.

Yes, it’s all about you…

Of course, the bomb is disarmed, although it is pointed out that Xtreeme’s powers are now well and truly screwed over.

Quote :
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

The sounds of gunshots echoed throughout the area as the staff turned to see a man dressed in a what looked like bone armour and brandishing a gun and a
device in his hand.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…so this is the school for the gifted that the Son of X'ondir cares for."

From now on, Xavier’s school for the gifted will be known as “The school that Xtreeme looks after”

Boneyard threatens to detonate the bomb manually (Why didn’t he do this earlier?) and is shocked when it doesn’t go off…

All the X-men, by the way, just stand around like morons, until, finally:

Quote :
But then Scott took his shades off and fired an optic blast hitting his gun out of his hand

Uhh… Unless Cyclops is wearing his visor, he cannot control his optic blasts… Removing his shades and just glancing in the general direction of Boneyard will
result in him, and about everything in a 12-foot radius being vaporized.

Quote :
and then Bobby freezing his legs as he was stuck on the spot as Scott hit another blast knocking him back as he fell rolling back and on his face as he
was knocked out.

Anyway, back to our Marty-Stu… How will he cope without his powers?

Quote :
Connor felt like his powers were returning

Oh for fucks sake!

Quote :
as then his hearing picked up the faint sound of a gun's safety being taken off and looked to see BoneYard back up and was holding a handgun aimed at
Scott.

"Scott watch out!" Connor said as he grabbed him and threw him out of the way.

BANG!

Connor looked down to himself and saw…he had been shot?

With her one true love shot, Rachel goes completely batshit:

Quote :
"YOU ANIMAL…I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS!" she shouted at him as she continued to throw him around and breaking bits of his armour off.

She then tore his helmet off revealing the horrifically scarred face of the madman and used her telepathy to mind wipe him.

WAT??!?!

Just like that… Erase his memory… As if she does it to the postman every morning… Like there are no moral or ethical dilemmas or consequences connected to
it… Jeez!

Well, no point wondering about that… Connor’s been shot!

Quote :
"Connor needs medical attention, Kurt teleport us down to the medical bay." Hank said as Kurt nodded and they teleported down there.

Oh, now the author remembers Nightcrawler can teleport…

Quote :
"Kurt hand me the surgical tools! Connor hang on you're going to be ok!" Hank said tried to calm him as it looked like this could be the end for the half
Zargonian.

We can only hope that Xtreeme does die, and this X-Men fanfic can finally get on with being about the fucking X-Men… But I doubt this will happen…

Tune in next time!
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Thu Sep 09, 2010 7:55 am

Quote :
WAT??!?!

Just like that… Erase his memory… As if she does it to the postman every morning… Like there are no moral or ethical dilemmas or consequences connected to
it… Jeez!

Especially when, in the comics, Chuck did that to Magneto once. He agonized over it, and ultimately it led to very very [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:05 pm

Quote :
Course not. At no point has there been a single situation involving Xtreeme in which anyone has had to face the chance of failure or harm.
IDK, I think the sheer quantity of embarrassment the X-Men must be feeling being show up by this douche is probably pretty harmful. It is hurting me.
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Thu Sep 09, 2010 11:07 pm

I could see some of the students being scared. I could see everyone being forced outside until the bomb is disarmed. But why the hell does the writer have the X-Men who COULD take out the bomb as the ones freaking out?
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:54 pm

Quote :
Well, there’s no drama here. A bomb has been discovered in the mansion. So? Iceman can freeze it, Nightcrawler can teleport it, Wolvie, I believe, hasexplosives training, and can probably disarm it. A bomb in the X-Men mansion is only a threat when it hasn’t been discovered… Right?


First of all, this is, without a doubt, one of the best snarkings I've read in a long time. Author!

Second, there's a Marvel Graphic Novel from the early 1980s, whose name escapes me, in which it's essentially STATED that Wolverine could live through the explosion of a small-scale thermonuclear device at ground zero It pretty much left him a pile of skin and bones, and it took him two days to fully regenerate, but he survived it.

I can see him helping to get the younger students out of danger but, as you said, I don't doubt he possesses the knowledge as to how to disarm a bomb. And if worse came to worse, knowing Wolvie, he'd throw himself on it and allow it to kill him, knowing he'd survive.
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Mon Sep 13, 2010 6:55 am

Quote :
[W]e last saw our hero fighting for his life...will he survive?

Of course he will. There’s more chapters to this fic, and it’s been made pretty clear that nothing is a threat to Xtreeme… Also, you’ve given the game away with
the title of the chapter you idiot:

Quote :
Chapter 11: Down but not out

Something that I forgot to point out, but makes this bit a little confusing is that Xtreeme changed back to Connor Masters before he arrived back at the mansion
and disarmed the bomb… Which actually makes that scene even more stupid as the trained superheroes sit back and watch as a civilian disarms a fucking
bomb…

Quote :
It was all just panic, fear, terror and guilt as Scott, Emma, Bobby, Kitty, Rachel, Kurt, Danni and Logan were all just in waiting for Hank and Ororo as they
were still in theatre trying to save Connor after he had been shot by the madman known as BoneYard.

The panic, fear and terror the X-Men are feeling is probably the lot of them thinking: “God help us, he might survive!”

What about the guilt?

Quote :
"Dammit! Why didn't we make sure he was down?" Scott said blaming himself.

Of course… You could have blasted them both. Scott, I am very disappoint.

Quote :
The person who got hit hard by this was Rachel, everyone knew how much she cared for Connor

You know what… Reading this made me realize something… Rachel Grey is being a little sluttish here… Mind you, so is Xtreeme/Connor…

Rachel spent the first few chapters chatting up Connor, remember, and in the last chapter she started going all googly-eyed over Xtreeme… Now, we know that
they are the same person, but Rachel doesn’t!

The only way I can read this is that 1, Rachel is actively looking to two-time Conner and Xtreeme and 2, Connor/Xtreeme is not only aware of this, but is
facilitating it! He himself has chatted up Marvel Girl as both Connor and Xtreeme!


This is fucked up, Author!


Quote :
seeing herself almost turning a guy into a vegetable, but luckily her dad stopped her making something she'd regret doing.

When did this happen? Author, I’m telling you, I’ve read the last chapter, and in it Marvel Girl telekinetically slings BoneYard around like a Dog with a rat
before giving him a psychic lobotomy. Cyclops stood there and watched… Partially because in this fic action scenes seem to be turn-based, and people the fic
isn’t concentrating on just stand around until their turn pops up, and partially because there is pretty much bugger all he could have done.

Anyway… Dream-Sequence:

Quote :
Connor looked around as it was dark and no idea where he was at as all he could remember was the moment where he got shot as for the rest he
blacked out.

So Connor can remember everything up until the point when he blacked out… Just in case we think he can remember stuff that happened after he blacked out…
Rolling Eyes

Quote :
"Am I dead?" Connor asked himself as he opened his eyes.

We can only hope

But no.. Instead Connor has a dream conversation with his dad:


Quote :
He remained in the shadows. "You inherit my powers, you also get my weaknesses."

"What do you mean? We don't have any weaknesses!" Connor shouted as everything went black.

Except for the Dilythium bullets that were used to nearly kill you by that Stone fellow in the first major conflict you had! I don’t mean to point out the
inconsistencies in your own fucking reality concerning your own fucking OC, Author...

Well, time once again to be utterly blown away by this Author’s simply fascinating writing style:

Quote :
It had been two hours as the operation was over and out stepped the blue mutant and the weather witch both in scrubs as they had blood on them as
Hank removed his disposable gloves off and had his head down as they all looked to the doctor for the verdict.

I am never, ever getting over this.

Quote :
They all saw him being brought out as he was out, with his abdomen bandaged up, he was on an breathing machine keeping him stable, it was hard on
them all seeing him like that as they took him to the recovery room.

Ever


In his dream, Xtreeme tries to figure out what happened to him:

Quote :
Maybe I should pay a visit to Emmet, he might know what it was that got me.

Who the fuck is Emmet? And if he tells you that you were hit by Dilythium gas, I’m gonna laugh.


Well, eventually Xtreeme/Connor comes round, and Iceman informs him of how batshit Rachel went over BoneYard:

Quote :
her losing it like that is…well really I couldn't blame her." Bobby said.

“Yeah, if I was in love with you, I’d totally go psychotic on someone who hurt you… Break every bone in his body then fucking decerebrate him.”

Quote :
"What do you mean?" Connor asked.

Aaaagghhh Xtreeme is a fucking idiot!

As both Connor and Xtreeme he has been working the mojo to get into Rachel’s pants and now he is honestly baffled that Rachel wants him in her pants!

AUTHOR:

YOU

ARE

AN

IDIOT!







IDIOT!! [/Mr.Anderson]



Beast turns up to chat to his patient:

Quote :
"Ah you're awake, that's good we would like to talk with you." Hank said holding a clipboard.

"What about?" Connor asked.

Beast: “That you’re living a double life as a cosmic level superhero, inviting great danger down upon your place of work, which I’ll remind you is a fucking
boarding-school you inconsiderate, irresponsible fuck, and rather than come clean about your identity to the team of superheroes you pussyfoot around… A team
of superheroes who in fact, could, given the information, put up defenses to protect not only you but the school from the sort of people you attract… You instead
keep quiet and endanger not only yourself, but everyone around you.

Is what he should say…

But:

Quote :
"It's about your medical history, I found some interesting things here." Hank said looking at his notes

[…]

It's something you've neglected to tell any of us."

Xtreeme’s reaction:

Quote :
Connor went wide eyed. "Oh…you found out, now before you say anything I caught that off some girl, I mean it was raining, she was a Jehovah's witness
and I let her in cos I thought it would be bad of me to leave her out in pouring rain and it was hard not looking at her in those soaking clothes and with my mom
out one thing led to another and…oh come on who expects that to happen and it comes back to bite you in the…" he realised their surprised, shocked and
aroused hearing that random tale.

This stuff is getting on my nerves… There are superheroes out there who mouth off and play the fool in the Marvel universe. Spiderman, Iceman, Human Torch…
Spiderman does it as a defense mechanism to offset the fact that he’s terrified… Torch does it because he’s a gigantic prick and Iceman does it because he’s an
overconfident teenager.

Connor just does it because he thinks it’s funny… But it isn’t… It’s immature, annoying and stupid.

So now, Connor has revealed his identity to Prof. X, Logan, Iceman, Beast and, possibly, Storm. And I still can’t understand why it is so important to him to keep
a secret identity… Most Superheroes do it to protect their friends and family, Connor has no family, and his friends are fucking X-Men and are putting up with the
same levels of danger as part of their daily lives… Why doesn’t he just tell them?

Eventually, Rachel and Kitty Pride visit Connor in his recovery room. Rachel and Connor begin making googly eyes at each other while Kitty and Bobby chat in a
corner, where Kitty mentions that she thinks Connor and Rachel could make a cute couple.

Quote :
"Wait you mean you think that they…them!" Bobby sort of knew what she meant but was unsure what she meant.

He knew what she ment but didn’t know what she… Oh fuck it…

Quote :
"I'm telling you she likes him, for god sakes you saw what she did to that nut job, she almost made him into a zombie!" Kitty whispered in defence of her
idea.

“It was so romantic!”

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



Well, Connor eventually goes to visit Emmet… Who, apparently, is a “Scientist I met in space.”

Quote :
In a small well lit lab a scientist was at work at his console as he was researching into how to convert hydrocarbons into energy.

My God!

What an idea! Wow! If Emmet the Space Scientist succeeds… We could… The possibilities are endless!

All those useless hydrocarbons like Propane, Butane or Methane… We could use them for… ENERGY!

Truly! This man dabbles not with science but with MAGIC!


[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



Well, Emmett does figure out what the mysterious substance was that nobbled Xtreeme’s powers. It’s not Dilythium, which is the already established but
apparently forgotten kryptonite for this story, but something new:

Quote :
"Zokrin…it's a rock which was rumoured to be laced with a poison designed to kill Zargonians,

Zorkin is Xtreeme’s Kryptonite… Just as thinking is the Author’s.



Emmett gives Xtreeme a “particle destabilizer” Which will make him immune to the gas in future.

Quote :
“it was the same one I gave to your father, it's got him out of a lot of jams in the past." Emmet explained.

This raises many points… That Xtreeme’s dad was aware of a Xtreeme-specific kryptonite, that Xtreeme’s dad had a device that nullified said substance, and that
Xtreeme’s dad did not tell his son of this own weakness, nor of the existence of a specific device designed to counteract it. Instead, he entrusted the device back
to Emmet, who himself did not inform Xtreeme, ever, about its existence or purpose.

From this, we can deduce that everyone Xtreeme knows, his friends and family, are all dicks.

Quote :
It was two days later and all was peaceful in downtown New York…

BOOM!

Here we go again…

Quote :
"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA…is this the best that Earth has? My I am disappointed and-

He was cut off as then something just flew past him at super speed and appeared in front of him.

"Ah Son of X'ondir…you've recovered I see." BoneYard said.

BoneYard? Again! I thought he was psychically zombified! Oh fuck it…



Tune in next time, folks.


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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Mon Sep 13, 2010 8:25 am

Quote :
The only way I can read this is that 1, Rachel is actively looking to two-time Conner and Xtreeme and 2, Connor/Xtreeme is not only aware of this, but is
facilitating it! He himself has chatted up Marvel Girl as both Connor and Xtreeme!

Or since she's a telepath she hasn't been fooled by his "secret identity" for one minute.

No...wait...that might take away from how awesome XTreeeeme is, and show competance on the part of a character who isn't XTreeeme. Forget I said that.
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Mon Sep 13, 2010 9:30 am

I am so loving this snark. I can't say I'm a great X-Men fan, not being a comic-reader, but I've seen all the films, which I enjoyed very much. The canon-character-wastage in this unnecessary burden on the intarwebz burns brightly...

Quote :
Connor went wide eyed. "Oh…you found out, now before you say anything I caught that off some girl, I mean it was raining, she was a Jehovah's witness
and I let her in cos I thought it would be bad of me to leave her out in pouring rain and it was hard not looking at her in those soaking clothes and with my mom
out one thing led to another and…oh come on who expects that to happen and it comes back to bite you in the…" he realised their surprised, shocked and
aroused hearing that random tale.
Am I reading this right? Did Connor just claim to have caught the clap off a JW?

Quote :
Emmett gives Xtreeme a “particle destabilizer” Which will make him immune to the gas in future.
Quote :
“it was the same one I gave to your father, it's got him out of a lot of jams in the past." Emmet explained.
This raises many points… That Xtreeme’s dad was aware of a Xtreeme-specific kryptonite, that Xtreeme’s dad had a device that nullified said substance, and that
Xtreeme’s dad did not tell his son of this own weakness, nor of the existence of a specific device designed to counteract it. Instead, he entrusted the device back
to Emmet, who himself did not inform Xtreeme, ever, about its existence or purpose.

From this, we can deduce that everyone Xtreeme knows, his friends and family, are all dicks.
Or that everyone that Xtreeme knows is a secret X-Men fan and wants to get rid of this Marty Stu even more than we do.
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:15 pm

We rejoin the ‘action’ as Xtreeme is staring down BoneYard the mad midnight bomber.

I’m thinking: This:




“BOOM BABY BOOM! I’M THE EVIL MIDNIGHT BOMBER WOT BOMBS AT MIDNIGHT!! EAT MY SMOKE COPPERS!

Quote :
" you tried to blow a school full of kids up but you ended up shooting an innocent teacher! You're lucky he's ok, now I'm gonna take you down and send
you back to prison where you belong."

“AN OBJECT AT REST CANNOT BE STOPPED!!

Quote :
As then BoneYard just laughed again as he then threw a grenade at him as it just came at him he stood there awaiting it as it exploded, but this was not a
grenade it was a gas grenade and the same substance he used last time was the contents of it as it all dispersed all over the man in black.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, you've fallen into my trap yet again Son of X'ondir…Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…

He even laughs like the Evil Midnight Bomber.

Of course, the gas doesn’t work and Xtreeme can take down BoneYard in his typical over-the-top fashon:

Quote :
he grabbed his gun crushed that as well and just got him by the front of his armour and threw him as high as he could in the air.

Pacing around after doing that he looked at his wrist like there was a watch and then just held his hand out and grabbed something that fell from the sky as it
was BoneYard.

Rolling Eyes

So Xtreeme takes BoneYard off to space jail and life returns to normal… Or at least as normal as a world can get when it is suffering from a severe Marty-Stu
infection.

Quote :
It had been a few weeks since the incident and Connor was trying to get back to doing what he does best.

Being an unwanted, inconsiderate, lecherous self-aggrandizing asshole while serving as a black-hole of awesome, mercilessly consuming the competence and
coolness levels of all those around him.

Quote :
he and Bobby have been hanging out more and the amounts of pranks they pulled were just priceless even Logan was becoming their usual target for
their practical jokes.

Bad idea Xtreeme, you don’t want to piss off… What the fuck am I saying? Go right ahead! Put a cherry bomb in Wolvie’s pants, he’ll love it!

Quote :
That is until he threatened to tear them both a new one and not in the back end.

Wolvie’s healing factor is able to resist enough of Xtreemes talent-vacuum for him to tell the little prick where to go. This makes me happy.



Life continues, when suddenly one of Xtreeme’s lessons is interrupted by a bunch of guys in suits.

Quote :
"We're with the Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate and we're here to place you under arrest." he said as they grabbed both his
arms to restrain him.

o.o

Can it be?

Have the [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] arrived! Horray!



Quote :
"Whoa there! what's the charge here?" Connor asked confused.

Fic Police: “How long have you got?”

Quote :
"Treason…Mr. Masters." the agent said.

Wikipedia defines Treason as serious acts of betrayal of one's sovereign or nation. If I were to pick nits I’d point out that it is the fic’s author that is guilty of
treason against the X-Men universe, but hell, arrest Xtreeme... I’ll take that too!

Connor gets frogmarched out :yay: and Logan goes along with him for the lulz. The rest of the X-Men discuss these events:

Quote :
"Any idea why they arrested him?" Hank asked.

"They said it was classified, but Logan is with him." Scott said

No, they said it was Treason, Cyclops… In fact they said it less than a paragraph ago, pay attention!



Connor anf Logan are taken to some S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ.

Quote :
They found themselves in a large room filled with monitors of different countries and people at computer terminals as they were all in complete disarray
as then a man approached them, he had brown hair which was greying on the sides and had an eye patch.

Logan: “Hay, Nick… You’re supposed to wear that eye patch on your eye. It ain’t gonna cover your badger stripes!”

Dispite looking like a moron, Nick Fury explains the situation.

Quote :
"Sorry but we needed your help it's an matter of national security and it's a Zargonian sort of problem." Fury said.

Narrator: “The X-Men! Fighting for equality and acceptance in a world that fears them!

Author: whisperwhisper

Narrator: “Huh?”

Author: whisperwhisper

Narrator: “Really?”

Author: whisperwhisper

Narrator: “Uhhh… O.K. then… The X-Men! Serving as background colour as an alien superhero saves everyone from everything in a world that loves and
adores him
That better?”

Author: whisperwhisper

Narrator: “Also Rachel Grey totally wants to do it with him!



Fury continues:

Quote :
"Connor "C'ondir" Masters AKA Xtreme, teacher at the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters, mother deceased, father missing presumed dead." he then
went on with more information he knew.

"Alexander "X'ondir" Masters AKA Nightshroud, the last Zargonian in history, former member of SHIELD, The Avengers, Ultimates and X-Force,

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Xtreeme’s dad… was called Nightshroud, and was a member of S.H.I.E.L.D, The Fucking Avengers, X-Force, and… somehow… The Ultimates.



There is so much stupid rolled up in this statement that I cannot hope to address it all and still have room for the rest of this snark.

Fury continues on:

Quote :
"Both of you posses the same abilities, super strength, super speed, heightened senses, IQ over two hundred, technological experts and both trained by
the Galactic Federation army." he went on about their abilities.

Wait a sec, Fury…D’you wanna repeat that last bit…

Quote :
super strength, super speed, heightened senses, IQ over two hundred, technological experts

Shorten it down…

Quote :
heightened senses, IQ over two hundred, technological experts

A bit more…

Quote :
IQ over two hundred



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Back to Fury:

Quote :
"A Zargonian computer virus has infiltrated cyberspace and is stealing information at an alarming rate." Fury explained.

"KillerByte." Connor said knowing the name of the enemy.



Fury makes no mention of Cable or Deathlok or, you know, any of the superheroes whose portfolio includes dealing directly with opponents like this. Instead, he
hands the whole thing over to Xtreeme, providing him with a new toy:

Quote :
They approached a small room with a sort of device which Connor seemed to recognised.

"Cyber-synthetic digitiser." Connor said as he marvelled at the device.

"So you've heard of it, you know what you've gotta do?" Fury asked.

"Yes but how did you get this? There's only several known in the universe?" Connor asked.

Only several? This is supposed to be the fucking Marvel Universe! Unless there’s only one of them, there isn’t a problem! (And even if there is only one of
them, you can guarantee that some villan somewhere has another one, or Reed Richards can pull one, or something that does the same thing, out of his ass at
any time)

Quote :
"We had this built by your father, we used it to tackle another hacker and he said we should keep this to tackle any more of them, so you know how to
use this I take?" Fury asked as he took more puffs of his cigar.

So Xtreeme’s dad built it, left it to Fury in case it was needed again, but didn’t tell Fury how to use it? I can see where Xtreeme got his ‘I.Q. of over 200’ from.



So Xtreeme uses the digitizer.

Quote :
as he stepped on to the platform and the digitiser scanned him as he felt his entire body moving from one place to another as his entire physical body
being taken as he was digitised into the system.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m fascinated by the concept of Cyberspace. From the early ideas of Tron to the total connectivity of Minority Report. From the
loose ‘computer’ concepts of Gamma World to the complex integrated networks of Shadowrun. Cyberspace is a fascinating and intreging world idea laced with as
much fear as opportunity.

So… How will our Author guide us on our trip into the digital world with Xtreeme?

Quote :
He travelled through cyberspace as he saw it was just like a city but was littered with binary code and software.

Whatever your expectations were, I doubt they were exceeded, were they?

Quote :
"KillerByte I know you're here just come out and show yourself!" Xtreme called out.

As then the entire landscape turned dark as it was then all highlighted in red as then a gigantic screen came right in front of Xtreme and turned itself on to reveal
the renegade software himself.

"Subject Xtreme, DNA scan confirms this." KillerByte said.

How do you perform a DNA scan on a digital entity?

Why am I putting thought into this?



KillerByte disappears and sents a bunch of worm-like computer viruses at Xtreeme.



FIGHT SCENE! You just know this is gonna rock!

Quote :
Xtreme just jumped into the fray as the carnivorous viruses attacked him as he began hitting them one by one as they came at him and they began to be
deleted as he defeated them very easily which was a bit unusual of the self-aware AI as he looked around for him but nothing.

This author’s writing style is just…..



[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



Well… Something happens and soon Xtreeme is fighting a digital version of Super Skrull.

Why?

Fucked if I know.



The fight scene itself… well, just…



Just…



Ugh…

Quote :
But however the landscape changed again to the Skrull battle arena and he was face to face with Super Skrull and his arms stretched out to him as the
stone fist just came flying at him as Xtreme had no time to react and took a double pounding from him.

The rubber stoned fists of Super Skrull just sent him flying into a wall as the virtual simulation was just as real as the physical world.



Quote :
rubber stoned fists



Quote :
The Skrull turned on his flame powers and flew after him as he began pummelling him with fireballs as it was just irritating Xtreme as he just started
swatting the incoming fireballs away as he just quickly sped right up to him and knocked him back with a lot of force into a pillar which disintegrated into broken
code.

But the Skrull then just disappeared knowing this trick he pulled before but again he didn't react quick enough as he hit him with a fist to the gut and another to
the jaw which sent him flying again into the air, as he had no idea where he was and just took another few more fists as they just pummelled him into the
ground.

He was down but as the fist came at him again he just got out of the way and flew at the Skrull at full speed hittinga huge fist which sent him into the air as he hit
several more as the Skrull just disappeared into broken code with the landscape changing once more.



This goes on for far too long. Eventually Xtreeme corners KillerByte somewhere and this happens:

Quote :
KillerByte just went at him in a last desperate bid to beat the Zargonian but he was prepared as he quickly just whipped out from his jacket an object as
the renegade AI was struck in the head with a flash drive and was instantly downloaded into it, as he was now trapped in the portable drive.

"Hope you like your roomies, the best antivirus programs I got and I added some firewalls for fun." Xtreme said to the AI trapped in his prison.

KillerByte is a Zargonian, alright… They’re all just as thick as each other.



That’s it for now… Tune in again next time.


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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Wed Sep 15, 2010 4:35 pm

Quote :
Xtreeme’s dad… was called Nightshroud, and was a member of S.H.I.E.L.D, The Fucking Avengers, X-Force, and… somehow… The Ultimates.


I prefer to imagine he means the Pete Milligan/Mike Allred X-Force (aka X-Statix). That means Conner's dad probably got pantsed by Doop and died horribly. Since everybody in X-Statix/X-Force died horribly

Quote :
Fury makes no mention of Cable or Deathlok or, you know, any of the superheroes whose portfolio includes dealing directly with opponents like this.

What a missed opportunity! Cable's Rachel's brother! They could have called in Nathan, had him get shown up by X-Treeme, and then of course say at the end "Rachel, that guy is awesome, and you should totally fuck his brains out!"
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:36 am

Once Xtreeme has defeated the alien computer virus and saved the internet, there seems to be a lull in supercriminal activity.

Quote :
With it being quiet he had time for other things, as such like grading papers without leaving them to last minute, hanging out with the guys, spending time
with Rachel…things for the first time were going great he felt normal.

This prompts Iceman to invite Xtreeme Connor out on a double date.

Quote :
"Me and Rachel are just friends and I don't think she's attracted to me." The half Zargonian said as he doubted someone like her was interested in a guy
like him.

[…]

He knew that everyone has been talking and speculation about him and Rachel over the past few weeks but thinking about it maybe it wouldn't hurt if he went
out with them it's not like it's a date right?

Rolling Eyes

Quote :
As then Emma entered. "There you two are! Look no time meeting in the auditorium in five minutes." Emma said as they left.

Wow! I wonder what could be so important as to interrupt this story’s goal of getting Rachel all kissy-huggy with Conor/Xtreeme?

Quote :
The two blondes made their way down to the auditorium as the other staff members were there as then they were all facing Scott and Emma who
seemed to have an announcement to make.

"We have a surprise visit by a school inspector so please would you welcome Ms. Amy Crimson." Scott introduced.

Not another OC! Upset

Quote :
The woman came into view and she had auburn hair which was down to her neck, she had green eyes, she wore pink lip gloss, had a red shirt on, a black
skirt which went down to her upper part of her knees, black high heels.

[…]

The guys were just drooling over her as this incredibly hot babe was inspecting their school and was around for today.

*Headwall*

Well, the first, indeed the only class, we see Ms. Crimson looking over is, of course, the class being led by the only character in this X-Men tale that the fic gives
a shit about.

You know… The one who isn’t an X-Man, or a mutant…

Quote :
Ms. Crimson was inspecting the classes as she was now in the class of Connor as he was teaching them on graphic designing.

"And manipulating this logo you can pretty much say you made it and I'm sticking to my story!" Connor joked as there were laughs from the class.

As Ms. Crimson noted down everything he did as he then finished up lessons she approached him.

"Mr. Masters, your teaching skills are quite…

“Stupid… You appear to be encouraging the use of plagiarism, which is a serious offence in or books.”

Quote :
flamboyant but effective." she said approving of his teaching methods.

Of course, Connor is the greatest teacher in the school.

Quote :
, these children are lucky to have a teacher like yourself." she said.

Rolling Eyes

Quote :
but I think the credit should go to the other staff members they're also doing a good job here." Connor said no taking the credit as he tried to help out
his friends in getting a good report.

No way they can be judged as good teachers on their own merit, Xtreeme has to make sure they get good marks by endorsing them.



Of course, Ms. Crimson is a villain. And soon it becomes obvious what her M.O. is:

Quote :
Ms. Crimson was taking her own personal look of the place as she was watching everyone socialise in the lunch hall as then looking to the entire staff
who were seated together eating and joking as her necklace began to glow and her direct eyesight glanced at them all.

They all felt a little light headed then they shifted their sights on the very gorgeous inspector as they all began to have "those" sort of thoughts of her.

“those” sort of thoughts? scratch

Quote :
"She's…" Warren said as he was too lost for words looking at her.

"Yes rather I…" Hank said entranced for unknown reasons.

"That's a pretty-" Alex said in a distant way.

"A nice couple o' -" Logan said as his senses were blinded.

Rolling Eyes

Quote :
"Why is she so-" Scott said as Emma noticed his distance was that of Ms. Crimson.

WAT?

Slowly… Painfully slowly, in fact, the girls start to realize something is up:

Quote :
"Man what's up with these guys?" Rachel asked.

"No idea but they seem to be zoning out on Ms. Crimson up there." Kitty said as they both looked to the inspector just staring at them all.

Yeah… They’re all acting strangely… Oh well, on to the more important stuff:

Quote :
"Where's Connor I thought he was joining us today?" Rachel asked.

Yeah… A new arrival, and the immediate and roaringly obvious personality shifts of several people are not enough to rouse the suspicions of one of the most
powerful telepaths in the marvel universe. A girl who has lived with the very real threat of psychic manipulation her entire life!



Ms. Crimson, meanwhile, has her eyes on Bobby:

Quote :
Ms. Crimson's eyes were locked on Bobby as he seemed to have no interest in her.

Found you…



Rachel has to take a bunch of paperwork to Connor’s place following that. Connor is such a good teacher that he left all his student’s papers at work, and thwey
all needed to be graded that evening.

Golly, what a great teacher he is!

But before Rahel arrives, Xtreeme has some plot to uncover.

Quote :
Later on Connor was in his apartment as he was at his computer and using his GWW (Galactic Wide Web)

Really?

Quote :
to search the necklace he saw on Ms. Crimson and her name as well.

As I thought all made up but nothing yet on her necklace but I wonder if…

Huh… So she isn’t a member of the ‘education board’. Huh… you’d have thought that the Xavier institute would have some precautions or security checks that
they’d perform before letting a stranger roam the grounds… But hell, what do I know?

Quote :
He typed in the description of the necklace and found one hit as he accessed it but there was a block as it was from Galactic Federation HQ and he knew
how to bypass the firewalls as it took him mere seconds as he found what he was looking for as he found the file as then he went to get information by copying
the file as it was doing it.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Rachel arrives and hands over Connor’s work.

Quote :
"Uh yeah you left these." she said holding up a folder as he quickly recognised it.

"Oh man I forgot I had to grade those tonight! And I have to be out later!" Connor said as he was concerned this would clash with his plans for tonight.

Connor is such a great teacher.

Quote :
"Connor calm down! Let me help you grade these and besides I still owe you for covering for me last week." she said as he remembered her saying she
owed him one after she left abruptly to do something "important".

“Important”, huh?

Why the quotation marks? Clearly what Rachel had to do wasn’t X-Men work, because that actually is important.

But then Rachel is a girl, and girls do have to run off and abandon their responsibilities to do “important” things every now and again, amirite fellas?

Fuck you, fic!

Connor then abandons Rachel in his apartment for 10 minutes so he can go collect his dry cleaning. And immediately Rachel starts poking through his stuff.

Quote :
She then went over to his computer and saw it was just like any other desk,

Mine looks like a coffee table.

Quote :
she picked up the clock and saw it was wrong and adjusted it to the right time but by accident she placed her and on the keyboard hit a key buttons on
his computer and the screen revealed a file was downloaded and that his name search was on there.

Looking at the name she was wondering why he was doing that as she was about to look at the file but she heard him come back.

Oooh! Potential drama!

Rachel could become concerned that Connor has access to the GWW, a clearly non-terrestrial information network!

She could become paranoid that Connor is researching about Ms. Crimson, on the night of their date no less, and with everyone else absorbed in the potential
siren, this could be a danger.

Connor could get upset that Rachel has betrayed his trust and is poking around his stuff, throwing the girl out and causing a rift in both their professional and
personal relationships.



Or nothing at all could come of this.

Quote :
He saw that Rachel was by his computer and saw what he was looking for.

"Connor, what're you doing here?" she asked about his investigation into Ms. Crimson.

"I had a bad vibe from her so I looked her up and I got nothing on her, she doesn't exist and also that piece of jewellery she has on is something I've heard of."
Connor explained.

Of course… You didn’t expect any this fic to let some plot in by accident, did you?

Not only does nothing come of Rachel’s snooping, or Connor’s looking into Ms. Crimson. But Rachel also fails to point out that the two of them should really point
out to everyone that Ms. Crimson isn’t who she claims to be, and should be investigated immediately.

In fact, dispite Connor just sayin this to Rachel:

Quote :
I looked her up and I got nothing on her, she doesn't exist

Rachel still needs Connor to explain it to her, after she receives a phone call informing her that Bobby has absconded with Ms. Crimson.

Quote :
"It' Kitty she just said that Mister Drake just took off with Ms. Crimson, that jerk I swear I'm gonna turn him into a seven year old girl!" Rachel said
angrily as Connor went wide eyed.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and calmed her down. "Rachel! Listen I think Bobby is in danger, this woman is not who she says she is!" Connor said.

Someone needs to euthanize Rachel before it’s too late. Please, get her out of this fic! It’s almost too much to bear!



Well, not to break convention, this villan is just as incompetent as everyone else in the fic, and has not only abducted Bobby Drake in the mistaken belief that it
is Xtreeme, but she has not removed Bobby’s cellphone.

The fic explains to us that everyone’s cellphone has a GPS tracking device in it. You’d have thought that any aspiring supervillan would case out her potential
kidnapping victims beforehand, wouldn’t you?

Quote :
Not taking time to change he just sped over there hoping to save his friend in time from a crazy psycho.

Quote :
The sound of speed was heard as Connor arrived at the address and knew he had to be ready for whatever was coming for him as he went for his belt
buckle to change into his alter ego…

But the oncoming sound of a car stopped him as he turned to see get out of the vehicle was Rachel and Kitty as he nearly let it slip.

You really re an idiot, aren’t you Xtreeme… Why didn’t you change beforehand? It’s not as though you need to jump in a phonebox or whatever, you just have to
tap your beltbuckle…

Oh, and what does the speed of sound sound like, anyway?



Rachel actually acts like an X-man for a second here, as she insists Connor stay outside where it is safe while the two X-men go in.

Quote :
"Connor…I think you should stay out here." Rachel said as he knew why.

"Look I know what happened a few weeks ago proved I'm…fragile but Bobby's my friend I'm not going to abandon him!" Connor said.

I wonder if this is Connor, or the Author who is putting across the idea that Rachel and Kitty Pride, two trained and experienced members of the X-Men, don’t
want a civilian with them just because he was injured a few weeks earlier. Rathwer than because he’s, I dunno, a fucking civilian!

Quote :
She put her hands on his shoulder and looked at him. "I understand but you'd just get in the way so stay here and let us handle it, if it does get hot call
the mansion for backup ok?" she explained to him.

"Ok but I want you two to be careful you both have no idea who or what she is." Connor warned.

Neither do you, Connor! At least Rachel and Kitty have experience in this!

Quote :
"Yeah and Connor." she then kissed him on the cheek. "I was looking forward to tonight with you." she smiled at him as she went in after Kitty.

Connor watched her go in as he had his chance and ran into a nearby alleyway.

That exchange existed, in my opinion, not to briefly put Rachel in character and have her acting responsibly for a few moments, but to resolve the really
important piece of drama the fic had: How to get Connor into his Xtreeme outfit.

Quote :
The two mutants in their attires entered the apartment…

As opposed to the two mutants in their bare-assed nekkedness?

Quote :
…and found it all covered in a red fog.

"What the hell is this? Bobby?" Shadowcat called out to him.

How the fuck should he know?

Ms. Crimson spooks them out for a bit before shouting out to them:

Quote :
"Foolish mortals…why do need men?" as then the sound of movement was heard again.

Hehe… Sig’d.

Time for the big reveal:

Quote :
As then a loud shriek was heard and the fog cleared to reveal the enemy.

It was her but only she had red hair, blood eyes, fangs, wore a red gothic type dress, with red full leg boots and had bat wings.

*snicker*

Quote :
They saw also being held in a sort of stasis pod was Bobby and he was out.

In or out, Bobby, make up your mind!

Broken action and banter continue until:

Quote :
"Foolish mortals…why do you care for this one?" she asked.

"He's our friend!" Rachel answered.

"And he's…my boyfriend…I love him!" Kitty also answered as the creature did not know what to make of that.

"Love?"

“Love? Ha! I am only a supervillaness clearly designed to be a seductress/succubus, playing on the weak minds of men, causing them to fall in lust with me,
lowering their defenses and allowing me to strike! Why should I know of this “Love” of which you speak?”

This fic is seriously fucking stupid.

Rachel and Kitty continue to have their asses handed to them until, finally, Xtreeme arrives to save the day.

Quote :
"Xtreme?" Rachel said relieved to see him come to their rescue.

"Hey guys what's happening." Xtreme said as he stood face to face with the villainous woman.

Rolling Eyes

Quote :
"Who are you?" she demanded in a demonic voice.

"I'm Xtreme and that guy you have right there is not the Son of X'ondir." he pointed out.

She looked at Bobby and began to think she made a mistake as it was too easy to trap the Son of X'ondir and the realisation of who the man stood in front of
her was.

"YOU? You're him, so who is this…imposter?" she asked in an angry tone feeling humiliated at her mistake.

The fight continues in this fic’s usual, batshit manner. During the combat, however, Xtreeme gets Kirk’d.

Quote :
the dark fire burned through his material and destroyed the jacket as it also destroyed some parts of his costume, his shoulder, right portion of his chest
was exposed and his left leg was torn from the knee down.

[…]

The villain reappeared behind him as she just blasted him in the face as he fell to the road below as it momentarily stunned him as he checked his face was ok
as his mask protected him from any facial damage.

What the fic tries, but fails to make clear is that the fireball burns off Xtreeme’s mask. And Xtreeme, being a colossal retard, doesn’t notice.

Ms. Crimson, now calling herself the Crimson Nightmare, flees the scene, leaving the four to pick themselves up.

Quote :
He felt his face and saw in a nearby wing mirror of a destroyed car and saw what he meant and knew what he had to do.

"Uh okay I know how this looks and-" Connor knew this wasn't going to be easy.

"Connor…YOU'RE XTREME?" Rachel said in disbelief.

I’m at a loss to understand why this is such a big deal. The fic has failed, consistently, to provide a decent explanation as to why Connor feels it necessary to
keep his identity secret. Especially around the X-Men, whose public display of their identities is both a drama point in terms of mutant/superhero registration, as
well as an example that Mutants are people, But these are story points and ideas that this fic, and it’s author, are poorly equipped to tackle.

Superheroes have secret identities… The Silver Age Said So.

Quote :
"Kitty don't be mad at him, I told him to keep it secret and besides he ain't the only person who does know." Connor said as they both were even more
surprised.

"Who else?" both of them said in unison.

"Uh The Professor, Logan, Hank and now you guys." he said as they were both even more shocked.

So what’s the point in keeping the charade? Over half the cast of this dumb-as-rocks fic now knows who you are, and there is still no discernable disadvantage to
explaining who you are… The supervillans who are specifically after you now know (and have known since chapter 2) that you work at the institute, so either
come clean, so the X-Men can actually defend themselves against them, or fuck off somewhere else.

Quote :
"Well at least everyone's ok and-" he got cut off as the next thing he felt was Rachel's lips on his.

It was a surprise but after what happened tonight it was well worth it as he continued what she'd started as the kiss deepened.

Ladies and Gentlemen… We are here today to mourn the death of Rachel Grey’s brain.

Meanwhile, superbads are conversing:

Quote :
"I can defeat him give me one more chance!" Nightmare begged.

"No you had your chance…now you must suffer the consequences!" as then a massive beam hit her as she screamed and instantly she was turned to dust.

"Now it seems attacking the son is not drawing out the father…I guess it's time we became re-acquainted with one another."



And so far, that’s it… I’ve caught up to the Author, and now have to wait for him to update before I can continue this snark and finally put it to rest.

Tune in next time, I’m off to find another project!


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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Fri Sep 17, 2010 12:25 pm

LOLing @ "...why do need men?" Such a simple grammer error, yet so refreshingly stupid.
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Fri Dec 03, 2010 7:51 am



Welcome back to the baffling adventures of Xtreeme...

Quote :
The past several weeks were the best for Connor, maybe in all of his life,

Yeah... His oh-so-important secret identity has been uncovered by 2/3rds of the X-Man, he has endangered humans and mutants by inviting terrorist bombs,
supervillan attacks and kidnapping attempts, simply by his association with the Xavier school, plus he’s been beaten within an inch of his life on numerous
occasions, haveing been exposed to the potentially lethal substances of Dilythium and Zorkin. Life is just fuckin’ peachy, huh?

Quote :
and to top it all off he had a girlfriend

Oh wait... He’s boning Marvel Girl now... I forgot...

Quote :
It was the sort of relationship he'd wanted for a long time, someone who was different like him and best of all someone he could be open with.

Except Rachel’s ‘difference’ marks her out as a mutant, a creature to be feared, segregated and controlled. Xtreeme’s ‘difference’ makes him awesome in the
eyes of everyone who meets him. If Xtreeme actually tried to compare his status as a superhero to Rachel’s status as a mutant and call it even, Rachel and
every mutant in earshot would blast him into the middle of next month.

Also: he still hasn’t figured that it’s his keeping of secrets that is posing the most danger to the people he’s around…

Quote :
A few weeks ago he wouldn't let Rachel be with him because of who he is but now she knows about his out of work activity she needed to know
everything about him and gave her permission to enter his mind and know everything.

Last Thursday:

Xtreeme: “I can’t let any one know of my secret identity and my activities as the superhero Xtreeme because it would be a danger to them.”

This week:

Xtreeme: “Well, Rachel Grey, Bobby Drake, Kitty Pryde, Charles Xavier, Logan and Hank McCoy all know my secret identity and my activities as the superhero
Xtreeme. I guess this really isn’t a problem, but I’d still kep it secret from everyone else though… Mere knowledge of my true identity could be a great danger to
them…”



Quote :
Yep things were looking up for the young half Zargonian and better he was able to catch up on the one thing he wanted in the world…sleep.

And that he did, getting weeknights worth and even sleeping on the weekends but making that even more incredible was when Rachel came to stay at his place
for the weekend or spend an occasional night with him.

Xtreeeme: “Crime still happening out there? People still in danger from supervillans? Mutants still being oppressed by a corrupt government and a xenophobic
populace? Fuck ‘em! Rachel fuckin’ Grey is riding my starship to Zargon and back every night! Wooo!”

Quote :
[Connor] guessed she was making [coffee] as he threw off the covers and threw on a shirt as he was still in his underwear,

*insert that same old section I put in every update about how I simply cannot fucking get over this writing style!!

Rachel and Connor have a recollection of their date the previous night:

Quote :
He recalled it when he took her for a flight and accidentally dropped her as he avoided an oncoming 747 plane as he caught her before she hit the water.

Marvel Girl can fly…

Quote :
But he didn't avoid the flock of seagulls and dropped her in the water…he knew this was going to comeback on him.

She can, you know… Specifically, she simply applies her telekinesis to herself… She’s always been able to do it…

Quote :
"Oh come on I was trying to avoid hitting a 747 head on." Connor protested.

"And yet a flock of seagulls beat you, it was cold, disgusting and I think I got violated by a fish." Rachel joked

SKRULL!! SKRULL!!

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH RACHEL GREY!!??

Quote :
He threw her onto the bed and as she laid there awaiting him he crawled next to her as they wanted to resume last night's events.

No! NO!! NOOOOOOOO!!!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :
BEEP! The phone rang and both were annoyed as they snapped back as it interrupted their intimate moment together as Connor answered it.

"Hello?" Connor asked.

"Hey dude sorry to be calling so early but I wasn't interrupting anything?" it was Bobby.

Thank Christ! Bobby Drake, Cockblock Savior!

Quote :
"Well I just wanted to remind you we're competing in the game today." Bobby reminded him.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Trollface

Quote :
Connor and Rachel arrived at the park via super speed as the scheduled game of baseball was on with the Science and History department versus the
English and Math department.

The Vampires Mutants are playing baseball.

Quote :
The game began and so far Kitty and Hank's team were in the lead by 5 as both Alex and Rachel's team needed a homerun to win the game as this sport
was no powers were to be used it will be a challenge.

Not to be mutant-ist, but shouldn’t that rule disqualify Hank from competing at all?

Quote :
"It's all down to this, it will be number 14 Julian "Streak" Keller from team fuzz ball taking on number 48 Laurie "Periodic Table" Collins from team
Summers!" Bobby announced.

Julian ‘Hellion’ Keller and Laurie ‘Wallflower’ Collins.

This should be easy… Hellion is a pretty buff teenager, and Wallflower has the triple disadvantage of being a bit of a waif, only having one working arm and
being… erm… dead as of last year.

Quote :
Julian got into position as Laurie was ready to pitch.

"Knock it out of the park Julian!"

"Strike him out Laurie!"

"Streak rules!"

"Curve ball his ass!"

"HEY! No language on the field." Logan said hearing the chant.

If it had been Scott getting all uppity over swearing, I wouldn’t have a problem with this… But it’s Logan, and this author is an idiot.


Alex and Rachel’s team wins, and the next game is the ‘Gym’ department against the ‘Tech’ department… In short Bobby “Representing the ‘Gym’ team despite
being introduced in chapter 1 as a math teacher Iceman’ Drake Vs. Connor ‘I.T. consultant Xtreeme’ Masters.

Quote :
[“] my team are finely tuned athletes and no computer virus is gonna save you!" Bobby came back.

"OH YEAH?" Connor said.

"YEAH!" Bobby said as he nudged him.

But Connor nudged him back as he nudged him again and he nudged back as they were consistently doing it as everyone's attention was on them and were all a

bit surprised but not surprised they would act so childish as both Rachel and Kitty lowered their heads in embarrassment at their boyfriends behaviour spilling out
on the field.

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Quote :
As they bickered on they realised that everyone was watching and stopped. "We'll settle this on this field." Connor said.

"You're on four eyes." Bobby challenged as they shook hands.

Xtreeme: “I am? Oh, shit, sorry, dude!”

Four Eyes: “S’ok, I’m used to it.”

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Connor gets the winning home run and everyone agrees that he is awesome… This is too stereotypical for words.

Quote :
As the day ended Rachel went back home to the mansion as she needed to prep her class notes for the next day, so with no work to do he decided to go
out on patrol.

Huh? Let’s just go over that again, slowly…

Quote :
As the day ended Rachel went back home to the mansion as she needed to prep her class notes for the next day,


Okay…

Quote :
so with no work to do

But I thought she had those class notes to do?

Quote :
he decided to go out on patrol.

o.o

Quote :
he decided to go out on patrol.

Is there something Rachel ought to tell Xtreeme?

Rachel: Trollface

As much as I’d like to continue this story under the assumption that Marvel Girl is actually Marvel Lad, this story isn’t that progressive, and all we’re dealing with
is a shitty writer…

Quote :
His hearing then picked up something in the distance as it sounded like a signal being cycling the same signal each time as it was a distress call of a
spacecraft…from the Galactic Federation as he flew off to the location of the signal.

Xtreeme tracks down the signal to a warehouse:

Quote :
"Ah you heard me." as Connor turned around as he saw who the voice belonged to.

He was a tall man but was covered by a dark cloak and his face was also covered as this made Connor a little nervous.

"Who are you?" Xtreme asked.

"I know you…but you don't know me, but I know your father." he said.

"Who doesn't…

Yeah... Nightshroud was a member of SHIELD, The Avengers, The Ultimates and X-Force, remember... And, as The Ultimates are a completely different
universe to the one that the Avenger and X-Force inhabit, that’s a pretty impressive feat!

Quote :
"Very well you may know me by my name…Azrael ." Azrael revelaed himself.

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Quote :
"Ok so why call me here?" the man in black asked.

"Simple…tell me where your father is C'ondir and I promise to stay away from you." Azrael bargained with him.

"He's dead…even you know that." Connor said to him.

"NO…he's not, one last time boy WHERE IS X'ONDIR?" he demanded.

"He's dead…deceased…non existent…not living…six feet under!" Connor came back.

This X’ondir is no more! He has ceased to be! He has expired and gone to meet his maker! He is a late X’ondir! He’s a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If
you hadn't blasted 'im to smithereens he would be pushing up the daisies! He has run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!! He is an ex-Zargonian!

Then... Well… This happens:

Quote :
A distant place which was just white, a temple was present there and within a few people were gathered and were looking into a huge crystal ball which
was showing them the brief encounter between Xtreme and Azrael.

"It has come to pass…like you said." a figure in a white gown said as he turned his head to the figure next to him.

[…]

The white and golden robed one looked to the black suited one. "You ready to do this?"

"Yeah it's time…back to planet Earth…back home

It still isn’t over… And by the sound of things there’s gonna be another Xtreeme floating around before long…



… yay…




Last edited by WD40 on Fri Dec 03, 2010 11:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:58 am

Azrael is Nightcrawler's dad, right?
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: Xtreeeeeemmmeee!   Fri Dec 03, 2010 11:28 am

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
Azrael is Nightcrawler's dad, right?

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