Penis-sama's Powers: CRISIS ON INFINITE DONGS

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By popular request, here’s another DONGtastic manga for you all. Enjoy!

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Page 1

Zeiss Manifold: Damn campers leaving their dongs all over the woods...
Delcat: Foreshadowing? You, the reader, decide.
Delcat: You know, the fact that the road goes to every length possible to go around this place is a rather telling sign.
Delcat: Unless that's, like, a river of semen or something.
Zeiss Manifold: Well, all the good dongs have already been picked off the road. The true treasures lie deeper in the woods.
Delcat: Zeiss, please tell me this isn't the XXX-rated version of Spirited Away. Please.
Zeiss Manifold: It is. He'll have to go on a mystical adventure because a witch makes him forget his favorite lube brand.

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Page 2

Delcat: Yeah, it's a nice place to live in, but I wouldn't want to visit there.
Delcat: oh wow I just made a totally clean joke I think that's a first for our joint-snark career
Zeiss Manifold: I don't know whether to rejoice or be ashamed.
Delcat: Man, just stepping into the place gives you the seph? What is this, uh...uh...Zeiss quick make a clever city reference
Delcat: &syph
Zeiss Manifold: what the hell is clever city
Delcat: you know like WHAT IS THIS, SAN FRANCISCO except I don't think San Francisco is known for STIs as much as their trolleys
Zeiss Manifold: It's not known for it's wild-grown cocks, either. They prefer hydroponics.
Zeiss Manifold: Or HydroDONGics, rather.
Delcat: But baby, let me tell you, dicks don't grow on trees.
Zeiss Manifold: Panel 5: Some people are smart enough to not ask Grandma to knit them a Fleshlight. Not our Hiroshi.
Delcat: There ain't no cock trees, dick trees, or prick trees. Baby, let me tell you, they just don't grow on trees.
Delcat: WHY AREN'T THEY PAYING HEED TO THE SONG, ZEISS.
Zeiss Manifold: I FORGOT HOW IT WENT HONESTLY
Zeiss Manifold: I'M TOO BUSY WONDERING IF THEY'RE GOING TO STRAP HIM TO A GIANT WICKER PHALLUS LIKE IN THAT BRASSEYE EPISODE

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Page 3

Delcat: The small particle of dong is interacting with the larger mass...what if the energy is all released at once?
Zeiss Manifold: It depends if the system is endothermic or exothermic...or SEXOTHERMIC
Zeiss Manifold: I tell ya, if physics porn videos ever catch on, I'm heading west.
Delcat: Please do not touch the giant dong, sir.
Delcat: There will be time for that at the end of the tour.
Zeiss Manifold: Some people are smart enough not to gird their loins with poison sumac. Not our Hiroshi.

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Page 4

Delcat: C'mon, poison sumac is man's man's Spanish fly!
Zeiss Manifold: OH FUCK IT'S TYE-DYEING MY PANTS
Delcat: I do hope that sentence was meant to be "peeled BACK the foreskin", but I'm afraid that would be giving the manga too much credit.
Zeiss Manifold: Japan just loves peeling things.
Delcat: Clearly, he has stumbled onto a dark and spirit-troubled village based on arcane and bloody rituals.
Zeiss Manifold: It's those damn censoring-statues!
Delcat: Wait, what's this? A taboo tome hidden on a shelf? Let's see what it says...
Delcat:

|File Content:-
The gate to hell is called the X.
Gaze not upon the X.
Eyes that glimpse the X will be blinded by the X.
Speak not of the X.
The mouth which utters X will be made speechless by the X.
Listen not to the X.
Those who heed the X are turned heartless by the X.

Delcat: Hm...what could it mean...wait! I think I understand now!
Delcat:

|File Content:-
The gate to hell is called the dong.
Gaze not upon the dong.
Eyes that glimpse the dong will be blinded by the dong.
Speak not of the dong.
The mouth which utters dong will be made speechless by the dong.
Listen not to the dong.
Those who heed the dong are turned heartless by the dong.

Delcat: FINALLY, FATAL FRAME II MAKES SENSE
Delcat: And here I though "X" stood for "spiralling abyss of damned souls" all these years!
Zeiss Manifold: Fate, Fate, Fatal Frame, it can play hideous tricks on the brain...
Zeiss Manifold: BLINDED BY THE DONG, WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE okay this one doesn't really work.

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Page 5

Zeiss Manifold: If this thing just stopped at the third panel, I'd be happy.
Zeiss Manifold: "OH, THAT'S OUR PENIS-SAMA!" (Applause)
Delcat: I wish I could say it would make it the weirdest extended 4koma I'd ever seen, but I'd be lying.
Delcat: Wait...her dick isn't reacting with the statue! What gives?
Zeiss Manifold: iknowrite
Zeiss Manifold: "Ahh! It's up to five censor bars now!"
Delcat: I was kind of hoping you'd say, "Don't be silly, Del, she's a girl! She doesn't have a dick!" But only kind of hoping./
Zeiss Manifold: (did you have something planned? we can redo it)
Delcat: My hope-gland has deteriorated significantly over this partnership.
Delcat: (no, just wondering if maybe for ONCE she didn't have a dong)
Zeiss Manifold: I dunno, maybe she has a vagina on the end of her cock or something.
Delcat: Are the censor bars spreading to her cheeks, or is that a particularly aggressive uke-blush?
Zeiss Manifold: Penises and uke-blushes? This is the gayest non-Ono het porn I've ever seen.
Zeiss Manifold: (It kinda looks like it's got a hairbun thing going on)

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Page 6

Zeiss Manifold: Okay, that makes two statue fetishists we've encountered so far.
Delcat: Jeez, you'd think a girl who lives in Magic Dong Village would know how hard-ons work.
Zeiss Manifold: Maybe she just didn't know they were real.
Delcat: I like that his cock looks equally shocked by the proceedings in the last panel.
Zeiss Manifold: Reaction cock!
Delcat: Why does everyone have fangs? Not even Cute Li'l Fangs, full-scale wolf incisors. Are they secret dong vampires?
Zeiss Manifold: Del, I think you're just giving Anne Rice ideas for when she finally relapses.
Delcat: Oh, don't worry about that. The only item I put in my Secret Santa information was "Anne Rice's head on a platter".

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Page 7

Zeiss Manifold: EXPOSITION HANDJOB
Delcat: Exposition handjobs just aren't as hot as villian monologue handjobs, I'm afraid.
Delcat: Panel 5: "DURRR, THIS IS YOU"
Zeiss Manifold: "I stroked it thirty-five minutes ago"?
Zeiss Manifold: Penis-Sama really is missing the :-d on the frenulum.
Delcat: She looks like she's going to bite it straight off in the last panel.
Zeiss Manifold: This thing is like 80% cock so far.
Delcat: You'd think that if it was as hard at all that, it wouldn't be sticking out from his body at a ninety-degree angle. Either it's softer than she says or she is yanking it WAY too hard.
Zeiss Manifold: Actually, it looks like she's holding it at an obtuse angle.
Zeiss Manifold: Which probably isn't excruciating, but it's a bit more strain than this job really calls for.
Zeiss Manifold: Wait, Penis-Sama looks wayyy fatter than it did the last time we saw it.
Zeiss Manifold: If they give him one handjob more, it's going to grow into a ball.
Delcat: And then they'll roll it all about the land, collecting items onto its layer of sticky semen and growing ever larger?
Zeiss Manifold: I...feel a song coming on...
Delcat: NAH NAH, NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH, NAH KATAMARI DONGA-CY-Y-Y-Y-YYYYY
Delcat: Oh, I know I love you, I want to dong you up into my life
Delcat: Let's fuck up to be a single cock in the sky

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Page 8

Delcat: See, this is why masturbating regularly is important for your health--otherwise, approximately 2.8 gallons of back semen will explode out of your dick at 280 PSI.
Delcat: Hiroshi suffered penile fracture, severe urinary tract irritation, and Koegler's Wiggly Testicle Syndrome, and spent three months in traction before recovering.
Zeiss Manifold: Some people are smart enought not to try narrowing their own urethras. Not our Hiroshi.
Delcat: This has been a public service announcement from the National Wank Council. National Wank Council: Doing for you what you should be doing to yourself.
Zeiss Manifold: IS THIS WHERE YOU'VE BEEN VOLUNTEERING, DELCAT?
Delcat: OH NO, MY SECRET HAS BEEN REVEALED
Delcat: Ha ha, just kidding, folks.
Zeiss Manifold: "OH NO"? OR DO YOU MEAN "ONO"?
Zeiss Manifold: DEAR GOD IT'S LIKE HE'S WATCHING US
Delcat: The National Wank Council is totally unaffiliated with the Ejaculation Council of Japan, and urges you not to listen to their dangerous lies.
Zeiss Manifold: Oh, and last panel: "UGH UGH I'VE GOT SOME RELISH STILL IN THE BACK OF MY MOUTH EWW EWWWW"

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Page 9

Zeiss Manifold: "I'll have to drink it all with my *elbows*!"
Zeiss Manifold: AND ANOTHER NEW FETISH IS BORN
Delcat: The frightening truth behind Semenex.
Delcat: It says something that I felt profound relief at panels 3-4. OH MY GOD, A BLOWJOB FACE THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE EYES ROLLING BACK IN HEADS AND AARDVARK MOUTHS?? SIGN ME UP, SAILOR
Zeiss Manifold: So Penis-Sama has the magical power to teleport it's semen reservoirs to wherever it wants?
Delcat: Yup. Its favorite prank is unloading into Mel Gibson's refridgerator.

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Page 10

Zeiss Manifold: Her "other mouth"? Del, would you care to handle the vagina dentata joke?
Delcat: I could have if you hadn't asked me specifically and thus blanked my mind on the subject. Would you settle for a pun about biting off more than she can chew?
Zeiss Manifold: Oh, don't 'mouth' off at me.
Delcat: Zeiss, this dickgirl is broken. Or is it retractable, like Sonichu's dick?
Zeiss Manifold: It's inverted.
Zeiss Manifold: "...and by 'practicing', I mean 'stuffing my nether regions with foam pellets!'"
Delcat: Packing PEANUTS, Zeiss. PEANUTS.
Delcat: I have sudden trepidation for your Secret Santa recipient.
Zeiss Manifold: Look, whatever it is you girls line your vaginas with...
Delcat: I must say, X-ray shots just don't disgust me the way they used to. The magic is gone.
Zeiss Manifold: I'm waiting for the x-ray shot of the statue myself. Just to see if there's treasure in there.
Delcat: If you consider rotting smegma to be treasure, than sure! Also I no longer wish to be associated with you.
Zeiss Manifold: I NEVER SAID I DID
Zeiss Manifold: I mean, if you're going to hide your loot in something, you might as well go all out and put it into a giant dong.
Delcat: Actually, it's a series of smaller dongs. Nesting dongs.
Zeiss Manifold: Dongs all the way down.

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Page 11

Delcat: If vaginas actually looked like that inside, sex changes would not only be covered by standard insurance, but mandatory.
Delcat: I can't decide whether it looks more like chipmunk brains or cheese that's gone past the expiry date. Please note this is difficult with cheese.
Zeiss Manifold: It looks like lasagna!
Zeiss Manifold: ...Now I'm hungry, but I don't WANT to be
Zeiss Manifold: Bad Hentai Rule #5987b: Women must shout "______'S DICK!" at least four times during sex. If they can work "lewd" in there somewhere, extra credit.
Delcat: If you make a Garfield joke, I'll rip out your stomach.
Zeiss Manifold: Honestly, Del, I have standards. They may be as elusive as this girl's dick, but they're there.
Delcat: Hey, his dick is numb from traumatic penile compression. I didn't know Quamp commissioned this.
Zeiss Manifold: Did Quamp have a big-head fetish too? 'Cause hydrocephaly is rearing itself back again.
Delcat: You know, despite the blatant exposure of a full set of feminine sexual organs, I can't help but think of this girl as a trap. The pigtails are just screaming "trying too hard".
Zeiss Manifold: Her areolae look like miniature boobs growing out of her boobs.
Delcat: And her nipples look worryingly penetrable. You would warn me if this was another fucking nipple-fucking book, right? Only I've only just stopped having nightmares over Nephilim Lamedh.
Zeiss Manifold: Nah, this one's mostly about the cock. I wouldn't worry too much.

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Page 12

Zeiss Manifold: See? Vanilla as can be.
Delcat: "Eek" is never a word that should be uttered during sex, unless maybe a mouse runs up a vulnerable orifice.
Delcat: Say, this is vanilla....too vanilla.
Zeiss Manifold: To be fair, it looks like she just forgot her line for that panel.
Zeiss Manifold: ....
Zeiss Manifold: This doesn't bode well, does it?
Delcat: There's an ambush coming, isn't there?
Zeiss Manifold: ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT

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Page 13

Zeiss Manifold: OH GOD SHE DOESN'T HAVE A COCK
Delcat: OH MY GAAAAAWD
Delcat: These two have the refractory period of rabbits. Unfortunately, they also have the copulation period of rabbits. I hope you're enjoying your fifteen seconds a go, guys.
Zeiss Manifold: THERE'S BEEN A PHALLODECTOMY! SOMEONE CUT OFF THEIR PENIIIIIIIIIIIIIS
Delcat: WHEE-OO WHEE-OO WHEE-OO
Delcat: Man, "sloppy seconds" has never been so lovingly portrayed in manga.
Zeiss Manifold: When's Penis-Sama going to blast off, anyway? Don't tell me they have to re-heatproof one of the veins...
Zeiss Manifold: Boy, if there was even an excuse for "SPLUT SPLUT"

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Page 14

Delcat: I'm not too familiar with Shinto, but this makes me think there must be at least ONE believer popping a monocle here.
Zeiss Manifold: this gets crazier later i swear
Delcat: Could you imagine if they did it in another religion?
Delcat: It's the equivalent of two people fucking in the Vatican while leaning against a statue of St. Paul.
Zeiss Manifold: Yeah, I think they'd be all up in arms about the...wait, what's that line on that boy's taint? Hey, is that a...
Zeiss Manifold: OH GOD DAMMIT
Delcat: DO WE HAVE VAGBOY??
Zeiss Manifold: NO DEL, WE ARE THE VAGBOYS
Delcat: GOO GOO K'JOOB?
Zeiss Manifold: SEMEN SEMEN PENIS STATUE DON'T YOU THINK THE STATUE DONGS AT YOU
Zeiss Manifold: ha ha ha HEE HEE HEE ha ha ha
Delcat: You know, it doesn't have to get that wacky, it's ridiculous enough already. The splurting and the cumming and the ladyboys you could snap in half...
Zeiss Manifold: and the statues and the dong forests and the GLAYVIN

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Page 15

Zeiss Manifold: IT'S LIKE THESE PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX OR SOMETHING
Delcat: Yeah, that was exactly what I needed to see today: A vagina discharging a bolus of congealing semen.
Delcat: Either that or she's laying an egg. You, the /d/eviant, decide.
Zeiss Manifold: OH, -I'M- THE /d//EVIANT NOW
Delcat: I WAS SPEAKING RHETORICALLY, BUT I GUESS YOU ARE
Zeiss Manifold: Well whatever, it looks like a slime mold.
Delcat: Is that a misplaced action splash, or is her pubic hair migrating north for the summer?
Delcat: I don't know what's going on in the last panel, but I think it has a face, and this displeases me.
Zeiss Manifold: That's her womb trying to escape.
Delcat: OH NO YOU DON'T, I REFUSE TO SPEND THIS WEEK WRITHING ON THE FLOOR
Zeiss Manifold: WELL WOULDN'T YOURS TRY IF IT WAS IN THIS SITUATION?

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Page 16

Zeiss Manifold: EVEN THE DONG IS SHOCKED
Delcat: Erections lasting for longer than four ejaculations are unusual to the point of bullshit, and you should contact a better writer if this occurs.
Delcat: ARGH THE AMBUSH COMETH
Zeiss Manifold: THAT'S FOR NEXT TIME
Delcat: YOU MEAN THERE'S MORE AMBUSH THAN THE FACT THAT HE JUST DOINGLED HIS LITTLE SISTER??
Zeiss Manifold: ...I've been doing some research, and...you were wondering how mainstream Shintoists would feel about this? Apparently, this does seem to have some cultural basis.

Zeiss Manifold: The actual ceremony doesn't seem to involve MASSIVE SEMEN VATS, though, so that's a relief.
Delcat: ...well. Clearly I went to Japan during the wrong seaso--sorry, what was that you just said?
Zeiss Manifold: I mean, how else could that statue have stored all that?
Delcat: You're sure that's it? You're sure you're not hinting at what's yet to come?
Zeiss Manifold: ...MAYBE?

... Goddamnit. I thought this was remarkably tame by hentai standards - despite the magic dong-statues and the "You're the chosen one!", it was consensual (well, sort of) and they seemed to be having fun despite improbable dialogue and penile dimensions.

And then BAM - INCEST! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Goddamn you, Japan.

The manga continues, but brings strange happenings as it goes! Read on!

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Page 17

Delcat: Bring it.
Delcat: Well, this bodes well.
Delcat: That is a really severe division on the head there. It's edging into hingedick territory.
Zeiss Manifold: I'm more terrified by the CRAZED FROGWOMEN here
Delcat: Wearing socks with sandals, no less.

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Page 18

Zeiss Manifold: This is turning into a bad Peanuts special.
Delcat: You know, I hear this was the original cover for Fatal Frame II, but they chickened out and went with this instead.
Delcat: You see that key elements have been retained, such as the twins, binding rope, and giant dick statue, but they removed the daring socks-with-sandals controversy. Pussies.
Zeiss Manifold: Chris-chan finally attempts bolder boyfriend-free girl-getting measures!
Delcat: I think sitting next to a giant dick statue with your bojangles waving in the wind is actually less socially inept than sitting there with the sign, actually.
Delcat: At least a plain dick doesn't have fine print excluding black women and redheads.
Zeiss Manifold: If he spills Cherry Cola on that statue, I'm fucking leaving.

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Page 19

Delcat: Akane, no!
Zeiss Manifold: Aww, the statue looks like a giant puppy from that angle.
Delcat: Awww, it does! Zeiss, can we do a manga about puppies next? Pleaaase? I'd take good care of it!
Zeiss Manifold: ...Do you really want to do a /d/ manga about puppies?
Delcat: ...no
Zeiss Manifold: Maybe when you're older, hon.
Delcat: Her broken giant-hand arm in the third panel is becoming all-consuming.
Delcat: I just can't look away.
Zeiss Manifold: I swear, if this artist put half the effort he gives at drawing cocks into drawing other things...
Delcat: What's in the sack?
Zeiss Manifold: I've said it before, but...if there's one thing I like about Ono, it's that he could stop fapping long enough to fix his perspective.
Zeiss Manifold: THAT'S THE LAST PENIS WHO CAME HERE
Delcat: She looks like a midget. A terribly broken midget with a bag of cocks slung over her shoulder.
Zeiss Manifold: ...
Zeiss Manifold: THE PL NUNN STORY

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Page 20

Zeiss Manifold: ...why does Penis-sama have tits?
Delcat: Why, Zeiss? Does it upset you that it's an equal-opportunity magic dong statue? Does that make you feel like less of a man? Huh?
Zeiss Manifold: DEL IT'S PENIS-SAMA'S POWERS NOT TIT-SAMA'S POWERS
Zeiss Manifold: GOD NEVER MEANT TO PUT BREASTS ON A DICK
Delcat: YOU ARE SUCH A DONGIST PIG
Zeiss Manifold: DEL THIS IS RELIGON WE'RE DEALING WITH
Zeiss Manifold: ...APPARENTLY
Delcat: Why do I get the feeling it's going to be the light comedy that kills me and not the sex?
Delcat: And the necks, gorram. They look like they're just gonna snap and send the heads rolling across the plaza.
Zeiss Manifold: I think the artist's given up on backgrounds entirely. It tooks like a New Yorker cartoon.
Delcat: Shhhh! The last thing we need in here are a donkey and an elephant!
Zeiss Manifold: ALL IT NEEDS IS ITALICS EVERYWHERE

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Page 21

Delcat: Oh ho ho, it's funny because it's a woman raping a man!
Zeiss Manifold: Panel 1: Either she's got club foot or this whole genitalia-worship thing is going wayyyyyyy out of hand.
Zeiss Manifold: Panel 2: Which way is he bending I give up
Delcat: So does the statue suck up energy from all dicks, or just humans? Do squirrels wandering by drop dead? Do vibrators burn out their batteries in a matter of minutes?
Delcat: That crotch is getting too friendly for comfort, and he hasn't even taken off his pants D:
Zeiss Manifold: And what makes dick energy much more different than any other energy anyway?
Delcat: This is the worst nyo~orn ever.
Zeiss Manifold: Last panel: ARRGH HIS DICK'S MADE OUT OF RADIUM
Delcat: RED KRYPTONITE NOOOOO

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Page 22

Zeiss Manifold: Yikes, those censor bar hair extensions weren't the best idea.
Delcat: Pfff, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan just came on my Winamp shuffle. INDEED.
Zeiss Manifold: jesus god del your winamp is evil
Delcat: ...okay, I giggled at the "Itidakimasu". I may have to have a fling with a Japanese guy just so I can pull that one.
Zeiss Manifold: TWIST: THE DONG IS ACTUALLY HIS FATHER
Delcat: Panel 3: Never hire an in-betweener to handle your assassination attempts.
Delcat: At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised.

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Page 22

Delcat: Are those bite marks on his dick?
Zeiss Manifold: ERECTION, USE YOUR ERECTION
Delcat: ERECTION DANSU~
Zeiss Manifold: ERECTION, DO THE ERECTION DAAANCE
Zeiss Manifold: doo doo doo doo DOO DOO doo doo
Delcat: WE CAN DONG IF WE WANT TO, WE CAN LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND
Zeiss Manifold: CAUSE YOUR DONGS DON'T DANCE AND IF THEY DON'T DANCE WELL THEY'RE
Delcat: 'CAUSE YOUR FRIENDS DON'T DONG AND IF THEY DON'T DONG, THEN THEY'RE NO FRIENDS OF MINE
Zeiss Manifold: fff
Delcat: HA
Zeiss Manifold: This is my favorite panel so far, if you were wondering.
Delcat: So are we supposed to feel better about the fact that they're only half-siblings?
Zeiss Manifold: ...I guess. Small comforts.
Delcat: Why does his mother look like she's fourteen years old?
Zeiss Manifold: IT IS THE MYSTERY OF THE ERECTION DANCE
Delcat: WE CAN DANCE, WE CAN DANCE, EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL
Delcat: WE CAN DANCE, WE CAN DANCE, DONGING IT FROM POLE TO POLE
Zeiss Manifold: does that song have any other lyrics

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Page 24

Zeiss Manifold: RATIONAL REACTIONS UPON SEEING A PENIS
Delcat: There's a bit about dressing real neat from your dong to your feet and surprising them with a vict'ry cry.
Delcat: DONGMANDER: This is a very energetic Pokemon.
Zeiss Manifold: IT'S INCREDIBLY HUGE AND HARD, RIGHT~?
Delcat: You'd think there would be more lesbians in a place where it's physically impossible to have men.
Delcat: I mean, you'd think there'd be a note in the job application about it.
Delcat: "Like pussy? This is the place for you!"
Zeiss Manifold: Well, they can always just go dildo-hunting in the forest.
Zeiss Manifold: Is this that lesbians-only Swedish town frostflowers was talking about?
Delcat: PENIS-SAMA DOES NOT TOLERATE GRAVEN DILDOS
Zeiss Manifold: THE PENIS IS GOOD. THE DILDO IS EVIL.
Zeiss Manifold: Y'know, I hate to say it, but that dick doesn't look energetic at all.
Delcat: Yeah, it's almost listless. Think it's been eating well?
Zeiss Manifold: "Do you people even KNOW what went through me today?"

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Page 25

Zeiss Manifold: Panel 4: "What do you, the viewers, think?"
Delcat: That cock is not attached to anything or anyone. He's just coming incidentally.
Zeiss Manifold: Well, -I’m- sure glad they dedicated a whole page to this.
Delcat: I think it's more that she's having an Osaka moment in panel 4. Her eyes are following a bug very slowly across the room.
Delcat: I didn't know dicks could bukkake themselves.
Zeiss Manifold: Not only that, they remove excess mass from the neck!
Delcat: Does anyone actually read the sound effects for any reason other than mild amusement? MN HNG HNN NG.

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Page 26

Delcat: Jeez, woman can't hold her semen.
Zeiss Manifold: Panel 3: MOM STOP FLATTENING MY FACE
Delcat: BLARGARGARG IS THIS SEXY??
Zeiss Manifold: Last panel: SUDDENLY, SHADING
Delcat: Those veins are reaching critical mass. Could it be that coming 17 times in an hour isn't good for you?
Zeiss Manifold: Some people are smart enough not to use bleach as a cockwash. Not our Hiroshi.
Delcat: Zeiss, I just don't understand. Where are their dicks? Did...did they cut them off as part of their eldritch religious ceremonies? Oh God, this is sick!
Delcat: My cock is cramping up in sympathy!
Zeiss Manifold: Uh...they've been stolen by the statue and they'll be freed when Troy and Zap set it on fire?
Delcat: HOORAY

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Page 27

Zeiss Manifold: "And this is what the inside of a vagina might look like, if such a thing existed!"
Delcat: I don't know what is happening in Panel 2, and I don't want to know. I think eggs are being laid again.
Delcat: He's spewing into a black void. This is why you don't use quantum singularities as marital aids.
Delcat: Panel 5: lumpy potato breasts
Zeiss Manifold: Why is Cheese from Foster's jumping out of that man's penis?
Delcat: CURSE YOU ZEEEEEEISS
Zeiss Manifold: IS THAT A CURSE-YE-HA-ME-HA I HEAR
Delcat: alternately: "I like cocklate milk!"
Delcat: oh God what have I just done
Zeiss Manifold: WELL THEN CHEESE I'LL GRANT YOUR WISH
Zeiss Manifold: NOOOOOOOOOOO SEMEN
Zeiss Manifold: *beep boop*
Delcat: Hm, okay...gosh, I sure wish I had a fluid that could propogate my species!
Zeiss Manifold: Well, you can't! NOOOOOOOOOOO SEMEN
Zeiss Manifold: *beep boop*
Delcat: I, uh...I wish I...I wish I had something that tasted icky and stuck in my hair. Except I don't.
Zeiss Manifold: NO SEMEN, MY FRIEND, NOOOOOOOOOOOO SEMEN
Delcat: Semeny, I'm afraid your stance is ill-planned.
Zeiss Manifold: *beep boop*
Zeiss Manifold: What? You say you miss your semen?
Delcat: No, I really don't, personally, but thank you.
Delcat: I mean, I'm not planning on having kids, and it makes blowjobs easier.
Zeiss Manifold: ...
Delcat: Although this does limit the bodily fluids I can slip into Unskilled's coffee, so that's something.
Zeiss Manifold: I said, YOU SAY YOU MISS YOUR SEMEN
Delcat: Oh uh I SURE DO
Zeiss Manifold: WELL OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU BACK YOUR SEMEN, BUT JUST THIS ONCE
Zeiss Manifold: SUFFICIENT SEMEN
Zeiss Manifold: *beep boop*
Delcat: BOY, I SURE HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON oh God it's in my hair
Zeiss Manifold: You know that Joel and Mike would probably track us down and beat us with sticks if they ever found out about this, right?
Delcat: I like to think that we're just covering the bases they couldn't on national television.

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Page 28

Delcat: "It's the same as your father's dick! He couldn't aim worth a tin shit either!"
Zeiss Manifold: Artist: OH FUCK IT NO ONE'S GOING TO LOOK AT THE FLOOR
Delcat: Well, we already covered that his dick is radioactive. He's just having a love explosion, which means rae has to start drinking again.
Zeiss Manifold: Say, we haven't seen much of Hiroshi's vagina, have we?
Delcat: I feel like he's phoning in the uke blushes. They used to be much more lovingly detailed.
Delcat: No, it's pretty much covered in semen boluses.
Zeiss Manifold: I can't read "HAAN!" in these kind of things without a little voice in my head going "CHEWIE!"
Zeiss Manifold: It makes blowjob scenes something, I'll tell you that.
Delcat: I know I can't speak for every woman, but I sure do love slapping my unsupported tits against a cold floor, that's such a nice feeling.
Zeiss Manifold: It looks more like wire mesh, actually.
Delcat: EVEN BETTER.
Zeiss Manifold: How would the breasts respond to action lines, anyway?
Delcat: I don't know, I try and I try but I can't get mine to make any :<

Quote :

Page 29

Delcat: RECEIVE MY AIDS
Zeiss Manifold: AIDS IN THE LASAGNA
Zeiss Manifold: ewww the lasagna is burnt now
Delcat: oh God oh God oh GOD. THE SECOND PANEL IS THE BURROW-POISONING SCENE FROM WATERSHIP DOWN BUT WITH DICKS.
Zeiss Manifold: ...
Delcat: AND THE DICKS SCREAM AND THE HISSING OF THE GAS AND THEY PRESS TOGETHER AND THE EYES CLOSE
Zeiss Manifold: If it makes you feel better, I am totally going to start using "lasagna" as a euphemism now.

Quote :

Page 30

Delcat: oh gluck what even is that
Zeiss Manifold: HOT WITHDRAWING ACTION
Delcat: Lovingly detailed disgusting vomit-pussy!
Delcat: He is just raping everything in sight. Once the girls leave, he's going to start humping the heat register.
Zeiss Manifold: PENIS-SAMA'S POWERS: NOW WITH RANCH DRESSING
Delcat: In the last panel, she's just scooping semen out of her pussy with both hands.
Zeiss Manifold: In all fairness, she's just passive-aggressively pouring it on his hair.
Delcat: "See how YOU like it! Huh? Huh?"
Delcat: ...actually, I wanna ask a virgin question here. Why the hell is it such a problem if semen gets in your hair?
Zeiss Manifold: 'Cause it probably clumps and shit I don't know
Delcat: DO YOU KNOW, WUGWUH?? SUBMIT YOUR ANSWER WITH $5 AND A SELF-ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE TO THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS
Zeiss Manifold: THE DONG BUILDING
Delcat: DON'T WORRY, THEY'LL KNOW WHICH ONE

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Page 31

Zeiss Manifold: Wow, she's dumping semen on everyone's heads.
Delcat: That's what reading this manga feels like, is like getting an entire bucket of cold semen dumped on your head.
Delcat: ...or so I heard.
Zeiss Manifold: Hiroshi's in a hell of an awkward position in that third panel. Is he doing squats or something?
Delcat: There cannot be any liquid left in his body at this point. Somebody get some Gatorade, stat!
Delcat: He's sumo-wrestling her pussy.
Zeiss Manifold: Well, apparently he converted that girl's mom's breasts into liquid and drank them.
Delcat: I wonder what kind of drug they're on where they can get off on thirty seconds' worth of clitoral-stimulation-free humping multiple times, and where I can get some.
Zeiss Manifold: Quampinol! Available at your local Tuxedo Market.

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Page 32

Delcat: potato breasts potato breasts
Delcat: semen bolus
Delcat: erect dick
Delcat: DO SOMETHING
Delcat: DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING BUT THIS
Delcat: STOP REPEATING THE SAME INSANE UGLY THINGS PAGE AFTER PAGE AFTER PAGE
Zeiss Manifold: is that penis screaming
Delcat: AAAAAAH STOP IIIIIT
Zeiss Manifold: Great, now it's going to start scat singing underwater or something.
Delcat: NOOOOOOOOOOOO
Delcat: QUIET ZEISS I'M HAVING A FREAK-OUT
Zeiss Manifold: DEL CONTROL YOURSELF
Zeiss Manifold: DEL...
Zeiss Manifold: THERE MAY BE A GIANT VAGINA STATUE NEARBY THAT IS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR ENERGY
Delcat: Oh, I wouldn't call it giant, and I've had it long enou...oh. Oh, are we not talking about the vagina and penis statues I made IRL?
b]Delcat[/b]: Well, let me cheOH MY GOD
Delcat: ZEISS ZEISS ONO IS IN MY ROOM
Zeiss Manifold: OH FUCK
Delcat: WHAT DO I DO
Delcat: IS THIS A GARLIC OR A SILVER BULLET SITUATION
Zeiss Manifold: POINT TO THE NEAREST SET OF STAIRS
Delcat: *DOES SO, WHILE CHANTING "I DO BELIEVE IN COCKS"*
Delcat: PHEW, THAT TOOK CARE OF IT
Zeiss Manifold: That's good. Say, where were those sta
Zeiss Manifold: ...
Zeiss Manifold: Oh well. I think dicks are still wonderful, ne~?
Delcat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Delcat: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO US, MANGA
Delcat: WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOOONE
Zeiss Manifold: It's alright~ We're having consensual s OH NO YOU DON'T
Zeiss Manifold: AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM
Delcat: ZEISS BUDDY YOU THERE
Delcat: YOU OKAY
Zeiss Manifold: But I'm here on official Ejaculation Council business!
Zeiss Manifold: Yeah, Ono's just FUCKING UP MY STUFF
Delcat: SHOULD I CALL THE NATIONAL WANK COUNCIL TO HAUL HIS ASS IN??
Zeiss Manifold: Ooh, what's this?~
Zeiss Manifold: GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF LIVE AT LEEDS
Zeiss Manifold: THAT COST ME TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS
Delcat: ZEISS, ANSWER THE DOOR, THE CAVALRY HAS ARRIVED
Zeiss Manifold: It's not a penis~
Zeiss Manifold: YEAH YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT THAT'S NOT A PENIS
Delcat: This is the Dickgirl Police! Put your balls where we can see 'em!
Zeiss Manifold: Ah, now that's a penis!~
Zeiss Manifold: THAT'S GOOD DEL DISTRACT HIM
Delcat: It's no use, girls, we have to use deadly force! UNLEASH THE DONG CANNON!
Delcat: *pshew pshew*
Zeiss Manifold: *Meanwhile, at the Dong Building*
Zeiss Manifold: "Sir, Dong Cannon detected at sector 12!"
Zeiss Manifold: "THIS MEANS WAR!"
Zeiss Manifold: TO BE CONTINUED?
Delcat: Will Zeiss and Del survive the onslaught of dongs? Tune in next time to find out!
Cyberwulf: Yeah, ‘cause roleplaying and making LOL DONG jokes are totally the same as snarking something! Good going, you shit-eating morons.

Wouldn't everyone in the place be related? I mean if only one guy is around and everything. It would explain the weird bodies that everyone has in here.

Last time: Ono assumes corporeal form and tries to shut down the operation! As the real world and the hentai world intertwine, our heroes are caught in the struggle! Will they make it? Read on!

Quote :

Page 33

Delcat: "O RLY NAO"
"I wish people would stop SAYING that to me."
Zeiss Manifold: I read the news today, oh boy / About a lucky dong who made the grade...
Delcat: Eech, I hope she isn't gonna try to blow him later.
Zeiss Manifold: Is she his mom or someone else? I can't tell any of these people apart.
Zeiss Manifold: Oh shit, she can telepathically destroy popsicles!
Delcat: Yeah, they need distinct features. One lady with black hair, one lady with light hair, one lady with a growth on her face shaped like a turtle...
Delcat: Look, look, a bridge! They're gonna play Poohdicks!
Zeiss Manifold: In one panel, it's a corncob pipe, in the next it's a popsicle.
Delcat: I'd say that's a step up.
Delcat: WHAT WILL IT BE NEXT??
Zeiss Manifold: Dude, hentai would be so much better if everyone was rocking corncob pipes all the time.
Zeiss Manifold: It has to be someone's fetish.

Quote :

Page 34

Zeiss Manifold: PENIS IS A-CUMIN IN
Delcat: I'm getting a bunch of pop-ups. I've never been glad to have the page I was looking at obscured unexpectedly before.
Delcat: The new girl looks like she's supposed to be 1) young, 2) mildly retarded, or 3) both.
Zeiss Manifold: "I'm telling you all, the Dong revolves around the sun!"
Delcat: That is the most inefficient cockring I've ever seen.

Quote :

Page 35

Delcat: IN THE NAME OF THE COCK, WE WILL PUNISH YOU!
Zeiss Manifold: "Remind him...of the babe."
Delcat: Panel 1: The only part of the girl on the left's body that's 3-D is her legs. It's like she's peeling off the paper.
Delcat: And the girl on the right has vacant Osaka eyes.
Delcat: *er, other way around
Zeiss Manifold: You'd think they'd be more worried about college kids trying to steal Penis-sama to put in their dorms.
Delcat: I knew a guy once who woke up after a party with a nurse's hat and Penis-sama in his bed. Jell-o shooters will do that to ya.
Delcat: Okay, I was riffing on the socks with sandals thing before, but I guess their feet just look like that. My bad.

Quote :

Page 36

Zeiss Manifold: Featuring artwork originally rejected by "How To Draw Manga".
Delcat: I wish those censor bars would move, I think there's a Super Mario World block-face on his glans.
Delcat: If you hit it really hard from beneath, does it become the > < block face or does it start flipping over and over?
Zeiss Manifold: *1up noise*
Zeiss Manifold: Are those veins or creases?
Delcat: Creases. At least they're nice sharp ones. He irons his dick every morning.

Quote :

Page 37

Delcat: Where did these chicks come from, anyway? Did we miss something?
Delcat: I hope this is one of those things where she just keeps on adding conditions, like in a cartoon.
Delcat: "Okay, it's huge AND he's erect AND he can cum AND it tastes like fudge ripple, but can it SING?"
Delcat: Jeez, lady, it's a cock, not a lawnmower! You don't pull-start it!
Zeiss Manifold: 2nd panel, bottom left: Okay, I don't think that Penis-sama is mucking things up so much as the vast toxic waste repository underground.
Zeiss Manifold: DERP
Delcat: I think you're on to something. It's degrading their bones, too, look at that wrist.
Zeiss Manifold: I'm pretty sure most of the intended audience already knows what cock feels like, thank you very much.
Delcat: Especially not-perfectly-straight ones.
Delcat: CHRIS-CHAAAAAN
Zeiss Manifold: It's ALWAYS him!
Zeiss Manifold: He's going to turn into a Dongchu or something.

Quote :

Page 38

Delcat: Four words, Zeiss: Boku no Sexual Harassment.
Delcat: THAR SHE BLOWS! WE HIT CUM!
Delcat: White gold, that is
Delcat: Tokyo tea
Zeiss Manifold: "If licking the air around his penis won't make him cum, NOTHING will!"
Zeiss Manifold: Well, one day Hiroshi was locking for some cocks...
Zeiss Manifold: *shootin' at
Zeiss Manifold: *gaaaah
Zeiss Manifold: *JOKE ABORTED
Delcat: (ZEISS THAT IS TERRIBLE AND OFFENSIVE, HOW DARE YOU ABORT THAT JOKE)
Zeiss Manifold: That looks dangerously close to a Yaranaika face.
Zeiss Manifold: ('CAUSE)
Zeiss Manifold: (I'm IRRESPONSIBLE)
Delcat: Is Penis-sama swelling again, or is the perspective broken...again?
Zeiss Manifold: Penis-sama designed by Roger Corman. "If it's big, it's big!"
Delcat: We need a new name for Penis-sama, don't you think? It's annoying to write out every time.
Zeiss Manifold: Hmm...you're right.
Delcat: Word on the street is he goes by Richard.
Zeiss Manifold: Nah, it doesn't quite roll of the tongue.
Zeiss Manifold: *off
Delcat: We could shorten it to Dick?
Zeiss Manifold: Del, that's rascist.
Zeiss Manifold: I'm gonna call him Peenmaster.
Delcat: That works too.

Quote :

Page 39

Zeiss Manifold: Peenmaster didn't take his energy, but it gave him Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Delcat: Okay, I guess it doesn't taste like fudge ripple. It SHOULD, though.
Delcat: His halo slipped.
Zeiss Manifold: must...not...make..earl grey joke
Delcat: What did he do to calm himself down? What could possibly kill a boner that persistent?
Zeiss Manifold: "He should be able to ejaculate MORE PENISES!"
Delcat: Did he see Unskilled naked?
Zeiss Manifold: Wait, wait, did that girl just NOT enjoy the taste of cum? In a hentai?
Zeiss Manifold: Del, there are many things that Skillet is, but a peenmaster is not one of them.
Delcat: Hey, I'm a straight girl. I don't know what turns you crazy dudes off. Grandmothers playing baseball? That isn't nearly as sweaty and inept!
Zeiss Manifold: Fun fact: That dong on the bottom isn't a drawing. The author got involved in a tragic Xerox incident.
Delcat: It was nice of him to glue on censor bars first.
Zeiss Manifold: Worst ER trip ever, though.

Quote :

Page 40

Zeiss Manifold: No, his dick is *Unskilled*.
Delcat: THE DAM BROKE! GET IN THE BOAT! MAN THE OARS!
Delcat: TAKE THE COW TO THE ROOF, IT'S THE ONLY WAY
Zeiss Manifold: GATHER TWO OF EVERY DONG
Delcat: Man, I do not envy the dove they send out on the fortieth day.
Delcat: They've been at this for five fucking hours and she STILL hasn't figured out to get out of the line of fire.
Zeiss Manifold: The girl on the right is just slacking off.
Delcat: Hey, you don't know where her other hand is.
Zeiss Manifold: Probably gathering some chips. This is the most boring village ritual she's ever seen.
Zeiss Manifold: *grabbing
Delcat: There's a chip dispenser up there? Wow, anal sex is the gift that keeps on giving!
Zeiss Manifold: FIRST YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO EJACULATE STARCH

BUT WHILE OUR HEROES ARE DISCUSSING SNACK FOODS AND ANUSES, AN ANCIENT EVIL STIRS.

Quote :

Page 41

Delcat: Gods have fetal alcohol syndrome? That would explain a lot.
Zeiss Manifold: And barely any nipples.
Delcat: "Cum inside my pussy, make yourself comfortable. Leave your shoes outside the cervix, please, just on your left there."
Delcat: We've gone from lumpy potato breasts to lumpy lemon breasts.
Zeiss Manifold: Someday, we'll come across pinapple breasts. I don't know how to feel about that.
Delcat: Afraid? Pineapples are pretty pointy.
Delcat: Are his balls shrinking or is his dick growing?
Zeiss Manifold: Well, Penis-sama is just that - a penis. Not exactly the complete set.
Delcat: ...OH MY GOD THIS IS HOW ANAL JUSTICE 2 CAME TO BE.
Zeiss Manifold: D=
Delcat: WE HAVE DISCOVERED THE TERRIBLE TRUTH
Zeiss Manifold: Oh yes!~
Delcat: OH GOD, NOT YOU AGAIN!
Zeiss Manifold: I always show up when there are lots of lovely penises around! Even if they're not on the right gender~
Zeiss Manifold: OKAY DUDE
Delcat: STAY OUT OF THERE THAT IS MY TOY DRAWER NOT YOURS
Zeiss Manifold: SHIT HE'S IN YOUR HOUSE TOO
Delcat: HE'S BILOCATING
Zeiss Manifold: HEY ONO THERE'S LIKE A CAR OUTSIDE THAT'S SHAPED LIKE A GIANT BALLSAC
Zeiss Manifold: Ooh, that sounds lovely!~
Zeiss Manifold: I HAVE DISTRACTED HIM FOR THE TIME BEING
Delcat: You're my hero, darling.
Delcat: Now I have to disinfect my entire room...*grumble*

Quote :

Page 42

Zeiss Manifold: eeeeeeeeeeleeeeheeeectricccccityyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Zeiss Manifold: You'd think women wouldn't like their vaginae going numb during sex, but what can you do.
Delcat: We've switched Nao-kun's dick with a cattle prod. Let's see if she notices.
Zeiss Manifold: Suddenly, ACTION LINES
Delcat: Her pussy looks like lava rock. That's gotta hurt.
Zeiss Manifold: I'm trying to come up with a lava soap joke here, but it ain't working.
Delcat: He is, like, halibut-flat in the second panel. I think he's jizzed so much that he
Delcat: 's deflated.
Delcat: The last panel has a set of eyes. I think the entire manga is doing a nyo~ron.
Zeiss Manifold: I think they're in another dimension. In the first panel, he's just a featureless blob who's only well-defined features are his genitalia.
Zeiss Manifold: Maybe this is all some sort of social commentary?
Delcat: Or he's turning into a Lovecraftian horror.
Zeiss Manifold: More like an Escherian horror. Where is his arm going?
Delcat: Up her butt and around the corner.

Quote :

Page 43

Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Delcat: So basically the fetish here is turning him into a living sex toy? You don't see that as much for guys. I'm impressed.
Delcat: Wait, no, what's that other word? Bored. I'm bored.
Delcat: Where are everyone's noses going? Do they have retractable noses?
Zeiss Manifold: His penis steals definition from everything else, I think.
Delcat: Photoshop>Filters>Levels>Penis Levels
Delcat: He's EEKing again. Those darned pussy mice.
Zeiss Manifold:
But here, right here,
Between the statue and the shame,
Between the hard-on and the bulging vein,
Between the orgasm and the sprain,
Once again, once again,
Dong calls you by your name...
Zeiss Manifold: I mean seriously, that girl looks like she's levitating.
Zeiss Manifold: PENIS-SAMA GIVES EVERYONE CLUB FOOT
Delcat: Not EVERYONE, it's not like he gave ME--OH SON OF A BITCH
Zeiss Manifold: You called?~
Delcat: I hope my insurance covers hentai-induced foot injuries...Hey, Ono, this may LOOK like a baseball bat carved into a vague dick shape, but I promise I won't hit you with it if you come over here!
Zeiss Manifold: Seriously, didn't we call the Vibrator Company hours ago? What's taking them so long?

MEANWHILE:

------------

Barnacle couldn’t understand the sense of dread that pervaded the office. “Dong cannon”…It sounded so innocuous. What could have possibly got the other workers into such a tizzy?

“Seriously, what is wrong with everyone today?”

Whatever had worried the senior officers had snagged Longtorso as well, though. He stood still, his back still turned away from Barnacle. Outside, the storm raged on, the raindrops ricocheting off the windows of the giant phallus.

A long pause. “You’re too young to understand. They would never fire the dong cannon without good reason.”

“So? Maybe they’re just testing it.”

“No. There’s something out there. Something strange, something powerful…something perverted.”

“But that can’t be possible! Who - what would be interested in us? We just make sex toys, not anything that…whatever it is…could want!”

“If it’s what I think it is, then yes, it does want the Company. And the cannon is powerless against it.”

“What? How do you know wha-”

“Ono.” The word carried the weight of a curse. A shock of lightning cast the head of the building in an eerie glow.

“…Ono? What the hell is “Ono“?”

Longtorso’s eyes pierced Barnacle as he turned around in time for the thunderclap. “’Ono’ is, and has always been, the sworn enemy of the Company!” He caught his breath. “For as long as we’ve been here, he’s been working to subvert us.” Longtorso paused, and again turned his back. “Ono is not like us. Ono is neither brute nor human, neither top nor bottom. Ono simply is.” Barnacle only stared.

“In ages past, he was Ba’al, Priapus, Foutin, and many others as well. His only goal in this world to grant every living thing a penis, and see humanity devolve into a race of drooling fuckbeasts. It is because of this that he is our sworn enemy. This Company is only part of a long lineage, an order devoted to preventing Ono‘s sinister goals from ever coming to pass.”

Barnacle was taken aback. He joined the company simply out of enthusiasm and to hone his skills of cocksmithery - he had never suspected that the rabbit hole ran this deep. “I…I don’t understand. Why does he have to be involved with us? Can’t vibrators and penises co-exist?” His voice cracked into a tearful whisper. “Can‘t orgasms be achieved without sacrifice?”

“Ono has no concept of uke logic.“ Longtorso lowered his voice. “The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the dong. Who would have an orgasm must first destroy a dong. That bird flies to God. That God’s name is Ono.”

“B-but…what does it all mean?”

Again, Longtorso turned his head.

“It means we have a war on our hands, boy. Saddle up.”

--------------

TO BE CONTINUED

You guys kill me. Possibly literally, if this shit keeps up. :roflmao:

Delcat: Oh thank God! My pizza! Zeiss, dear, get my purse.
Zeiss Manifold: Oh, are they here? Thank God, my entire room is starting to smell like vaseline.
Zeiss Manifold: It's my favorite~
Zeiss Manifold: Del get this man away from meeeeeeee
Delcat: You have no dildo honor, you swine! I, Johnny Longtorso, shall punish you!
Delcat: Oh, senpai, you're so brave!
Delcat: Quickly! The new model, with the spike balls and the acid pump!
Zeiss Manifold: Kuhkuhkuh, is this trouble I see? FIRST DICKGIRL LEGION, ATTACK!

---------------

All of a sudden, a score of sailor-suited dickgirls jumped into the yard. The Company representatives barely had time to defend themselves from their grip. The dickgirls packed enormous strength in their deceptively brittle arms.

“Why are you doing this?” shouted Barnacle. “What do you gain by winning here?” Longtorso winced.

Ono stepped forward out of the shadows, his rotund form finally revealing itself. “On the contrary; I have the world to win. More specifically, a paradise.” Barnacle’s eyes widened. “I want you to imagine, you naïve little man, every last person on Earth living in constant sex. No more hatred, no more jealousy, no more war. Just one, perpetual, orgasm. Appealing, neh?~”

“But that - that’s irresponsible! Mankind wasn’t made to live like that! The only thing that’ll do is-HRRMPH!” One of the dickgirls had swiftly gagged him before he could continue blaspheming hir god.

“’Irresponsible?’ If you want irresponsible, you need only look at yourself. Aren’t you also working for the forces of pleasure?~”

Longtorso could sense the hypocrisy. “If that’s true, then aren’t we doing your work by proxy? Why do you keep fighting us?”

The dickgirls looked ready to kill, but Ono steadied them with a wave of his hand. “Not all orgasms are equal, my dear boy. Those toys you’re so fond of hawking? Useful, yes, but only as a substitute. A toy is unfeeling, cold, and effectively dead. But the penis! - the penis shoots seeds, and creates new life! It feels, it generates warmth, it LIVES~!” His yellow eyes flashed. “THIS IS MY VISION! TO GRANT EVERY PERSON A PENIS OF THEIR OWN! TO SEE THE SINS OF THE WORLD WASHED AWAY IN A RIVER OF SEMEN! THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE BEAUTIFUL FUCK!”

BANG! Longtorso, undeterred by his tormentor’s speech, had managed to fish a scrotum-shaped flash grenade out of his utility belt. “Barnacle, go!” Then the dickgirls were upon him.

“I will, sir!” Dongsaber held high, he leaped into the air, his sights set and sure on Ono.

“Dickgirls! Come for me!~” Otherworldly moans filled the scene as a group of his servants did just that, their seed forming a foul arc in the air. With a swift wave of his hand, their ejaculate collected and hardened in mid-air, a shield in Barnacle’s path. Barnacle, oblivious in the split-second that it took, fell right into it and missed his target, collapsing in a soaked heap at Ono’s feet.

When he came to, Ono had his foot ready to stamp out his neck. “Now, do you see why nature is superior?” He tried to ready his dongsaber, only to find that it had snapped in half. “Servants? Finish him off~”

Twelve horny dickgirls swarmed around Barnacle, cocks primed. Just as he was about to wince, something pinned itself in the neck of one of them, knocking hir cold. Then another one, and another. Darts! Ono had noticed too, and a pearl vibe caught him in the jaw as he turned his head. “YOU!~ How did you escape their hold?”

“You shouldn’t wave steak in front of your own guard dogs, if you know what I mean. And you might want to watch out…”

“What? What have you - GRAAH!~ “ The dickgirls dogpiled on their patron, one of the darted ones managing to soil his mouth in the chaos. Ono pushed hir away, futilely spitting all the while. “An insult! Did you really think that - what evil is this?~”

“A man named Leon gave me those darts. You might find yourself…temporarily unconvinced.” Ono launched a volley of curses, before he and the dickgirls flickered out of the timestream.

Longtorso helped Barnacle to his feet. “Is he going to stay gone this time?”

“No guarantees, I’m afraid. At least you don’t want to know what he’ll have to do to get back.” Barnacle looked strangely disappointed. “It’ll buy us enough time to sand the puppets, though. Come on, let’s go.”

MEANWHILE, THE FIGHT AGAINST PENIS-SAMA CONTINUES ON THE HOME FRONT.

Delcat: Let's see, that's $18, and twenty percent is...oh, are they gone already? Hey, where's my pizza?
Zeiss Manifold: Del, even if the Vibrator Company did make pizza...
Delcat: The cheese is always runny, I will admit that.

Quote :

Page 44

Zeiss Manifold: So the more he screws, the more pubic hair he grows.
Delcat: Isn't that how it works?
Delcat: And how Chewbacca was made?
Zeiss Manifold: Well, they do scream "HAAN!" a lot...
Delcat: First panel is just a rumpled bedsheet of random flesh
Delcat: You hear that, Mikey? Fat chicks have hot pussies!
Delcat: Why is she grabbing her tits like that? Is she making like a pillbug and curling up into a defensive position?
Zeiss Manifold: What the hell is in this guys' "NIPPLE REFERENCE" folder? The Great Ayers Rock?
Delcat: I just can't get over the first panel. It's like if an octopus collapsed in on itself.
Delcat: It's frightening me. Please hide it from my sight.
Zeiss Manifold: Just close your eyes and think of Silent Hill, Del.
Delcat: Ahhh...much less frightening.

Quote :

Page 45

Zeiss Manifold: OH GOD ANOTHER HOLE WHAT oh wait it's just her ass.
Zeiss Manifold: Sorry, residual trauma from the succubus thing.
Delcat: Looks more like a hollowed-out navel, so you may not be that far off.
Delcat: How do you masturbate with your asshole? How could it even reach your pussy? OH GOD IS THIS A LESLITA THING?!
Zeiss Manifold: Well, I see the Longtorsos are visiting Dongtown again.
Delcat: She lengthened her torso just for this day.
Zeiss Manifold: Torso-sama's Powers.
Delcat: OHHHH ROUGH UNLUBRICATED ANAL SEX FEELS SO GOOOOOOOOD
Zeiss Manifold: Wait, wouldn't that statue be...
Zeiss Manifold: -OH GOD NO-
Delcat: SO MANY TERRIBLE TRUTHS
Zeiss Manifold: FUCK IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER
Zeiss Manifold: IF ANYONE FUCKS A NIPPLE THE WHOLE HENTAI CONTINUUM IS GOING TO COLLAPSE ON ITSELF
Delcat: LIKE A RUMPLED OCTOPUS PUSSY BEDSHEET

Quote :

Page 46

Zeiss Manifold: OH I THINK THEY'RE LATE TO THE CUMMING CEREMONY THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Zeiss Manifold: Damn, now I feel bad for using that cap so soon.
Delcat: Do you know how many ants he's drowned by now?
Delcat: Oh God, fourth panel, her eyes have finally made the full transition to chameleon
Zeiss Manifold: oh pfffff
Delcat: If this was a .gif, we could see them spinning wildly in their sockets, Uzumaki-style
Zeiss Manifold: SHE'S TRIPPIN' DONGS
Delcat: Plus she is like three inches thick
Zeiss Manifold: Hey random weird-breasted hentai chick, you're looking kinda cool
Delcat: I'm stunned that chubby girl's bow is still in place. She must have it hot-glued to her scalp.
Zeiss Manifold: (Del, I want you to take a minute and prepare your finest dong jokes for this next page)
Delcat: (I'm puttin' on my thinkin' cap)

Quote :

Page 47

Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Zeiss Manifold: I wish, I wish, I wish I were a dick, 'cause dicks are better drawn than people!
Delcat:
~When you wish upon a dong
Doesn't matter that it's sick and wrong
Anything your cunt desires will cum to yooooou~
~If your cock is in your dreams
No position's too extreme
When you wish upon a dong
As perverts do
~Like two balls that have turned blue
Penis-sama steps in to see you throooough
When you wish upon a dooong,
Your dreaaaaams cuuuuuuum truuuuuuuue!
Zeiss Manifold: That...was beautiful.
Zeiss Manifold: AND SO IS THIS PAGE
Zeiss Manifold: i mean wow
Delcat: I was moved, Zeiss. I was moved.
Zeiss Manifold: I wish that everyone would have a penis!~
Zeiss Manifold: OH NO YOU DON'T
Delcat: You know, I was kidding, but I really think they're gonna drown--OH NO
Delcat: OH GOD ZEISS
Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Delcat: GET IT OFF OF ME! GET IT OFF OF MEEEEE!
Zeiss Manifold: OH GOD wait how does this affect me OH JESUS THAT'S HOW
Delcat: ZEISS ZEISS DO YOU HAVE A VAGINA NOW
Zeiss Manifold: I WISH
Zeiss Manifold: WAIT, NO I DON'T
Delcat: OH GOD ZEISS I'M THE ONLY ONE WITH A WISH LEFT
Delcat: HOW DO I MAKE THIS RIGHT??
Zeiss Manifold: ummm....PENISES FOR SOME, MINIATURE AMERICAN FLAGS FOR OTHERS?
Delcat: I WISH FOR...I WISH EVERYONE HAD LUBE
Zeiss Manifold: JUST AS PLANNED
Zeiss Manifold: Now the entire world will be one big Erection Club, just like I've always dreamed!~
Delcat: sorry Zeiss but hey dude, waste not want not
Zeiss Manifold: Well the good news is that I avoided the magic wish sperm at the last minute, the bad news is that my window is going to be a bitch to take care of now and ONO IS GETTING AWAY WITH PENIS-SAMA
Zeiss Manifold: I am become Dong, destroyer of traps!~
Delcat: Stop right there, evildoer! Uke, to the Dongmobile!

-DANANANANANANANA DANANANANANANANA-

Zeiss Manifold: You know, Penis-sama looks like it just grew five stories...perhaps it IS the Dong Building?
Delcat: Perhaps...perhaps it's all one big circle. The circle of dongs.
Delcat: Well, that's all over now but for me with a doomcock.
Zeiss Manifold: …Wishing to have potatoes for hands is rarely a good idea.
Delcat: A delicious bad idea is almost as good as a good idea.

Quote :

Page 48

Zeiss Manifold: So there ARE dickgirls, they're just Godot.
Delcat: DANCE, DANCE, DANCE AROUND THE MAYPOLE
Zeiss Manifold: They're laughing now; just wait until that seeps into the groundwater.
Delcat: God, that thing must have a piss slit the size of a manhole cover.
Delcat: So is that the end of the manga?
Zeiss Manifold: Yep.
Zeiss Manifold: BUT IT'S NOT THE END OF THE FIGHT
Delcat: But will he ever stop coming?
Delcat: And what are the origins of Penis-sama?
Delcat: And is that girl on the right in the main panel melting into a puddle of jizz?
Delcat: SO MANY QUESTIONS ARE LEFT UNANSWERED.
Zeiss Manifold: A dongatelle, Del, a dongatelle.
Delcat: LIKE WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH THIS DOOMCOCK.
Delcat: Although I might have an idea or two...Zeiss, I brought you a can of Roofie-cola, drink up.
Zeiss Manifold: AND JUST WHAT IS ONO UP TO?
Zeiss Manifold: ...Doesn't look like Cola....
Delcat: Okay, I lied. It's Dr. Pepper.
Zeiss Manifold: WELL, DR. PEPPER, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME, TIME TO SEE HOW MANY FLAVORS YOU REALLY HAVE
Delcat: yes yes drink it aaaall
Zeiss Manifold: HEY WAIT THE ONLY FLAVOR IN THIS IS BROWNgughghggggh
Delcat: BWA HA HA HA HA! Now, with Zeiss totally helpless and vulnerable...I DON'T HAVE TO SHARE MY PIZZA! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! ...shame about the doomcock thing, though. Enh, maybe it'll turn black and fall off.
Zeiss Manifold: TO BE CONTINUED?
Zeiss Manifold: yay
Delcat: Ono, he's all yours.
Zeiss Manifold: not yay
Delcat: Wulfie is going to hate us XD
Cyberwulf: You fucking faggots.

Bravo, you two, Bravo.







(I wish for a pony~)

Really, this is Zeiss' beautiful baby. I was mostly holding on for the ride. His fic skills are mighty and kind of frightening in context.

Wow that was um.... sexy. Yeah that's the right word I think.

I want a house