Jealousy? Nah, a different green eyed monster (Watchmen fic)

Alright, back to one of the only series of works I consider my fandom: Watchmen. It's so hard to find a really, really, really bad Watchmen fic because they're pretty much all the same. Mary Sue self-insert An OC comes to town, joins the Watchmen, falls in twu luv with Rorschach, lives happily ever after after saving him.

Trouble is, most people with this masturbatory fantasy can actually write decently. Not a whole lot of bad spelling errors and suchlike, or they truly try to make the OC fit, which almost turns her not into a Sue...and then there's stuff like FortuneCookie Dreams where the OC is the Comedian's niece, has metallic orange eyes, and falls in love with Rorschach. Yet as awful as that one is, it was somewhat boring to snark.

Hence, I give you this:

The Green eyed monster: Amelia is the newest watchman but her innocence and her humanity causes trouble for the rest of the group. The life of a watchman starts to twist her mind

Uhm, yay? Let's have a look here.

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I am not a big fan of this chapter to be honest. I think it could be better

When the author's warning us, we know we're in trouble.

It starts off with... whoever... waiting for their "picture".

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They said they were good that they did the right things yet I remained unconvinced standing there the newest member only 18 how did they find me, how did I get here?

How can I say all that without taking a breath?

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"Don't be scared" Adrian smiled he looked at me as if I was a child I was the youngest, my brothers went into the legtimate army they were high up and ever so smug.

Running... out of... mental breath...

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Daniel the Nite Owl walked over to me too I went to pick up a glass of beer and he grabbed it out of my hand "You are 18 not 21, obey the law" he laughed

"I AM THE LAW!" she roared, snatching her beer back.

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Then Daniel stopped me as he called me "Have you got an alias, we need one for the article?" he asked me

"Emm no I don't know what to think of" I stuttered

"I just wanted to join a group of costumed crime fighters because of the hotties involved. Tee hee!"

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"Yes more I like it and it is memorable better than Nite Owl which is spelt wrong anyway!" I laughed at him I liked Daniel he was kind he was clearly not a bad man

But I still made fun of him anyway and I bet he cried to sleep at night because of my scathing horrible remarks!

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"Oh right your English? I just realised your accent it sounds american but it sounds english, its an odd mix" Daniel asked

Make up your mind, Dan! Is she American or English?!

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"Indian my Dad met my Mum in India all my brothers are older than me, my brothers are in the army they are like 10 years older than me" I told Daniel. "I wonder what they will write about me in the paper" I pondered

PUNJABA! The newest masked vigilante! Defender of convenience stores and cabbies everywhere!

.... ok, I feel kinda bad for that last joke. Apologies to any Indians.

... This sounds as if it was written by a slightly older laura, who has discovered the period and done away with the whole "and then"-schtick. Pauses for breath - who needs 'em?

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"Half and yes I was educated here and there then came here this is were
you found me, well were you enlisted me, it is useful it is near NYU
where I go" I told him, he found me fighting a bunch of muggers with
guns I could hold my own I shocked them luckily it was Daniel and
Laurie who found me they weren't that scary.

"Let me tell you what you already know, to make sure you know it, you know?"

... Also, how is Nite Owl not scary at first sight - it's this dude who comes up to you wearing goggles, a big wing-shaped cape and has owl-"ears" on his head. If someone like that came up to you in a dark alley after you'd been mugged, wouldn't you be scared?

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"You know nothing about the real world you shouldn't be here" The comedian told me

A voice of reason! Shoot her and rid us of this inhuman plague, Comedian!

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It seems that I have to go through this I know I will never have a normal life now.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?I can never go back, I can never have what I wanted and this may kill me.

Because it's not like anyone has ever quit. *cough* Hollis Mason *cough*


Deary me - it really does look like the second coming of laura - only less coherent, because at least laura stuffed her sentences with "and then"'s to let us catch out breath and figure out the sequence of events.

Maximilia wrote:

falls in love with Rorschach. Yet as awful as that one is, it was somewhat boring to snark.

...I Thought Rorschach like...combusted or something.

frostflowers wrote:

... This sounds as if it was written by a slightly older laura, who has discovered the period and done away with the whole "and then"-schtick. Pauses for breath - who needs 'em?

Rorschach came into my room and said good morning I said good morning too I asked Rorschach to be my boyfriend he said yes I'll be your boyfriend we kissed and Rorschach said I am ssoooooo happy!